Your Best
M E M E N T O. . . :
Food
Clothes
Hats
Cars
Motorcycles
Bikes
Houses
Vacations
Smart Phones
Smarter TV’s
Socks
Shoes
Coats
Watches
Furniture
Beds
Blankets
Sheets
Pillows
Restaurants
Jobs
r e l a t i o n s h i p s
Who Cares - What Matters
Your Best
M E M E N T O. . . :
Food
Clothes
Hats
Cars
Motorcycles
Bikes
Houses
Vacations
Smart Phones
Smarter TV’s
Socks
Shoes
Coats
Watches
Furniture
Beds
Blankets
Sheets
Pillows
Restaurants
Jobs
r e l a t i o n s h i p s
Many think that we’re
U N B R E A K A B L E
when they truest TRUTH
is that the thought of being
U N B R E A K A B L E
is the only thing truly
B R E A K A B L E
I recently finished reading Brene’s latest book
but it in many ways took me back to an earlier book of her’s:
“Resilience — the ability to overcome adversity — has been a growing topic of study since the early 1970s. In a world plagued by stress and struggle, everyone from psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers to clergy and criminal justice researchers want to why and how some folks are better at bouncing back from hardship than others. We want to understand why some people can cope with stress and trauma in a way that allows them to move forward in their lives, and why other people appear more affected and stuck.
“As I collected and analyzed my data, I recognized that many of the people I interviewed were describing stories of resilience. I heard stories about people cultivating Wholehearted lives despite adversity. I learned about people’s capacities to stay mindful and authentic under great stress and anxiety, and I heard people describe how they were able to transform trauma into Wholehearted thriving.
“It wasn’t difficult to recognize these stories as tales of resilience because I was in graduate school during the heyday of resilience research. I knew these narratives were threaded with what we call protective factors — the things we do, have, and practice that give us the bounce.
Trying to be PERFECT
when you’re I M P E R F E C T
Trying to be UNBROKEN
when you’re BROKEN
is stressfully
e x h a u s t i n g
“What Makes Up Resilience?
Brene suggests:
“If you look at the current research, here are five of the most common factors of resilient people:
“1. They are resourceful and have good problem-solving skills.
2. They are more likely to seek help.
3. They hold the belief that they can do something that will help them to manage their feelings and to cope.
4. They have social support available to them.
5. They are connected with others, such as family or friends.
“Of course, there are more factors, depending on the researchers, but these are the big ones.
Ms Brown goes on to say:
“At first, I hoped the patterns that I observed in my research would lead to a very straightforward conclusion — resilience is a core component of Wholeheartedness — just like the other guideposts. But there was something more to what I was hearing. The stories had more in common than just resilience; all of these stories were about spirit.
“According to the people I interviewed, the very foundation of the ‘protective factors’ — the things that made them bouncy — was their spirituality. By spirituality, I’m not talking about religion or theology, but I am talking about a shared and deeply held belief. Based on the interviews, here’s how I define spirituality:
“Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning, and purpose to our lives.
“Without exception, spirituality — the belief in connection, a power greater than self, and interconnections grounded in love and compassion — emerged as a component of resilience. Most people spoke of God, but not everyone. Some were occasional churchgoers; others were not. Some worshipped at fishing holes; others in temples, mosques, or at home. Some struggled with the idea of religion; others were devout members of organized religions. The one thing that they all had in common was spirituality as the foundation of their resilience.
“From this foundation of spirituality, three other significant patterns emerged as being essential to resilience:
“1. Cultivating hope
2. Practicing critical awareness
3. Letting go of numbing and taking the edge off vulnerability, discomfort, and pain”
Now THAT
is an ALL-DAY
SUCKER
you could s a v o r and
s u c k o n
for months
or maybe even a
l i f e t i m e
. . .Kind of gets to that inner heart chamber
of what it’s like to be a
PERFECTLY IMPERFECT
CARING CATALYST. . .
It’s a big ENLIGHTENED Universe out there
with lots of intermittent dark spots
that makes us continually grope for our way
o r a N E W W A Y
. . .and isn’t that at our core we are called to do
and better. . .
help A N O T H E R
to SEE
to ACHIEVE
TO B E. . .
. . .sometimes in our PERFECTLY IMPERFECTNESS
I think it’s all about finding our way
by helping others finding their’s. . .
WHEN YOU CAN’T LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE,
I W I L L S I T W I T H I N T H E D A R K
uhhhhhhh. . .what’s more SPIRITUAL
what’s more of a Caring Catalyst
is that. . .
T E S T I T
f i n d o u t
I love Candles. . .
I love the actual act of simply lighting Candles.
I Love how they make a room look.
I love how Candles can make a room smell.
I love how Candles illuminate something in me that nothing else quite can. . .
especially if music is playing;
I love that one of our friends with their kids made candles
and gave Erin and I each one last week;
I love the flickering dancing of a small flame from a Candle. . .
Y O U ?
Go figure. . .
Hanukkah and Christmas Eve are NOT the same days this year;
. . .in fact, we are already nearly in the middle of Hanukkah
and it’ll end in the evening of Wednesday, December 20. . .
four evenings before Christmas Eve. . .
My favorite Hanukkah Story is one of my Favorite Christmas stories:
Right before sunset a young boy and his mother were about to light the Menorah and he asked her,
“MOM, DO YOU LOVE ELENA MORE THAN YOU LOVE ME?”
As the rest of the family gathered around to Light the Menorah, she whispered back to her son, “Honey, I will answer that question when we light the Hanukkah Candles.”
She lit the Shamash, (the Candle that lights the other candles of the Menorah) held it high and said,
“ALL MY LOVE IS IN THIS FLAME. I AM GOING TO GIVE ALL MY LOVE TO GRANDMA AND GRANDPA.”
She lit that first candle, held the Shamash high above.
“LOOK, I STILL HAVE ALL MY LOVE.”
“NOW, I’M GIVING ALL OF MY LOVE TO YOUR DAD,”
She said as she lit the second candle, holding the Shamash high above and proclaiming,
“LOOK, I STILL HAVE ALL MY LOVE.”
“NOW, I’M GIVING ALL OF MY LOVE TO YOUR SISTER, ELENA,”
she said as she lit the third candle and then held the Shamash high above exclaiming,
“LOOK, I STILL HAVE ALL MY LOVE.”
“NOW I WILL GIVE ALL OF MY LOVE TO MR. BENSON, OUR NEIGHBOR WHO HAS NO FAMILY OF HIS OWN,” she said as she lit the fourth candle and held the Shamish high to say,
“LOOK, I STILL HAVE ALL OF MY LOVE.”
“NOW, FOR MY FRIEND CATHY WHO IS IN THE HOSPITAL,”
she said as she lit the fifth candle and once again held the Shamash high as she boldly said,
“LOOK, I STILL HAVE ALL MY LOVE.”
“NOW, HERE IS SOME LIGHT FOR ISRAEL, IN HOPE FOR PEACE,”
She lit the sixth candle, held the Shamash high to extol,
“LOOK, I STILL HAVE ALL OF MY LOVE.”
“NOW, I WILL GIVE ALL MY LOVE TO CHILDREN WHO DO NOT KNOW FROM WHERE THIER NEXT MEAL WILL COME.”
She lit that seventh candle, held the Shamash high and confidently stated,
“LOOK, I STILL HAVE ALL OF MY LOVE.”
“NOW. . .NOW, MY SON, I WILL LIGHT THIS EIGHTH CANDLE. AND I AM GIVING ALL OF MY LOVE TO YOU.”
C O U L D I T. . .
could it be that one Light ends at the same time Another Starts?
Could it be that they
ALL JUST CONTINUE TO
f l i c k e r
on. . .
enlighten. . .
to the eye that notices?
L I G H T I N G
is a VERB
For all Seasons
For all Days
For all Moments
For A L L
Maybe. . .
Maybe it’s all about just when the
Wick comes to Flame. . .
m a y b e
it’s all about
O N-L I G H T E N I N G
and less about
E N D-L I G H T E N I N G ?
S O . . .
S e e. . .
B e. . .
F r e e
that magnificent Light
w i t h i n
for all those
w i t h o u t. . .
I T I S I N E V E R Y O N E O F U S
Let’s in our own way
Let’s in our own time
p r a y
Be ENLIGHTENED
To ENLIGHTEN
To SEE
I’m a severe sucker for
THE TOUCHY/FEELY
movies. . .
if it can make your eyes water
if it can make your lip quiver
if it can make your heart beat differently
if it can make you want to grab for a nearby hand
then Y E S
I’m I N
. . .especially if it’s a Christmas movie
and YES. . .
I’ll watch them anytime of the year
but especially now
as the temperatures dip
the calendar pages are turning
and we’re literally in the midst of
H O L I D A Y C E L E B R A T I O N S
I reflect on one of my favorite scenes from the remake of
THE MIRACLE ON 34th STREET
I don’t think you have to wonder
W H Y
after seeing the short clip
of Santa signing to a beautiful little deaf girl
and the message is
well. . .
universal:
I butcher the English language
and me taking two years of German in college
(so that I didn’t have to take any Math Classes)
didn’t help me much sprechen zie Deutsch
but we never get THIS language wrong
in fact, we all speak it impeccably
WHEN WE SPEAK IT
. . , here’s to us all making it
a more effective
a more consistent
a more efficient
a more universal
l a n g u a g e
more of the time
especially past the holiday’s. . .
. . .When we come to realize THAT. . .
The Caring Catalyst
In Each of US
will know that the real
H O L I D A Y C E L E B R A T I O N S
are just beginning
and better still—
N E V E R E N D I N G
Are you more of a Fox or
are you more of a Mouse. . .
The C O R R E C T A N S W E R:
Y E S
We’ve been both. . .
many times
many different times
many different ways
a n d
many more times to come
in for both cases. . .
it’s never
T H I S S E A S O N
about being one or the other
it’s always knowing
you’ll be both
sometimes at the same time. . .
It’s not about being
O U T F O X E D
or a fearful little meek M O U S E
. . .so much as it’s about
being in constant
R E L A T I O N S H I P
e s p e c i a l l y
when we are one
and then the other
and mostly when
we’re caught in t he
i n b e t w e e n. . .
T A G :
Y o u ‘ r e I T!
Get your Caring Catalyst ON
and MOUSE UP
be the fierce Fox another needs
of you
(o f t e n)
What makes for a
W O R T H Y L I F E ?
Love?
Care?
Compassion?
Hope?
Concern?
Consideration?
Kindness?
Gentleness?
Sympathy?
Empathy?
Generosity?
Understanding?
Acceptance?
Forgiveness?
What?
What makes for a
W O R T H Y L I F E ?
How about none of the above?
All of the Love,
Care,
Compassion,
Hope,
Concern,
Consideration,
Kindness,
Sympathy,
Empathy,
Generosity,
Understanding,
Acceptance,
Forgiveness means
N O T H I N G. . .
If it’s N O T
Sustained. . .
We all have the capacity to be
G o o d S a m a r i t a n s,
O N C E. . .
Seriously,
I’d rather not have your
Love,
Care,
Compassion,
Hope,
Concern,
Consideration,
Kindness,
Sympathy,
Empathy,
Generosity,
Understanding,
Acceptance,
Forgiveness—-
any of it—
or combinations of
it’s going to be an every-once-in-a-while,
when-I-feel-like-it kind of a thing
I’d rather you not get your
Compassion ON
if you ever plan on taking it off. . .
SITUATIONAL IS NOT A STYLE. . .
It’s a
L I F E S T Y L E !
What makes for a
WORTHY LIFE ?
Funny that a foreign Life Insurance Commercial
has to make us even ask the question. . .
D A R E S
us to Answer it!
So. . .
A N S W E R I T !
What makes for a
W O R T H Y L I F E ?
S I M P L E :
Make another’s Life Worthy,
more meaningful with you. . .
Because of you. . .
than ever without you,
for one reason
and one reason only:
So that Another might feel
W O R T H Y
to make Another Feel
W O R T H Y, too.
Imagine. . .
dare to ENVISION
the most powerful Universal Law of Physics
set into endless motion just by making
Y O U R A C T I O N
causing a perpetual
R E A C T I O N
that knows no boundaries. . .
BE THE RIPPLE WHICH NEVER ENDS. . .
But don’t give your
O N C E I N A W H I L E
when your
F O R E V E R
is desperately needed. . .
Why just Live. . .
when you can L I V E
W O R T H I L Y ?
If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more. I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded. I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace. I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth. I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed. I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains. I would have cried and laughed less while watching television – and more while watching life. I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband. I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day. I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime. Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle. When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.” There would have been more “I love you’s”.. More “I’m sorry”. . .But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute. . . look at it and really see it. . .live it. . .and never give it back.
© Erma Bombeck
Classic post, huh?
I am quickly coming up
on yet another Hospice Anniversary. . .
I began my Hospice career on October 31, 1994
which has literally been a entire lifetime ago. . .
I had two daughters that were 15 and one who was 13
and even harder to believe a 6 year old daughter and a four year old son;
We didn’t have the Internet per se
We didn’t have Smart phones
We didn’t have the pharmaceuticals
We didn’t have the technology
We didn’t have the therapies
We didn’t have the interventions
We didn’t have the supports
we have on this new world of
N O W
People died then
as they do today. . .
Death hasn’t been eradicated
and though we have new ways to prolong and temporarily escape it
it’s still an unseen death on each of our
C A L E N D A R S
I found out early on then
what’s impossible for me to ever forget:
PEOPLE DIE BUT OUR LOVE DOESN’T
DEATH TAKES A PERSON, BUT NEVER A RELATIONSHIP
and that one day
my heart will no longer beat
my lungs won’t inhale/exhale
my pulse will be absent
. . .and I will have said
what I have said on countless other’s behalves:
TO THE LIVING I AM GONE
TO THE SORROWFUL I WILL NEVER RETURN
TO THE ANGRY I WAS CHEATED
TO THE HAPPY I AM AT PEACE
TO THE FAITHFUL I HAVE NEVER LEFT
I CAN’T BE SEEN BUT I CAN STILL HEAR
I CAN’T SPEAK BUT I CAN STILL LISTEN
SO AS STAND ON A SHORE LOOKING AT THE SEA
OR THE BEAUTY OF A FLOWER
REMEMBER ME,
THE TIMES WE’VE FOUGHT
THE TIMES WE’VE CRIED
THE TIMES WE’VE LAUGHED
THE TIMES WE’VE LOVED
FOR IF YOU ALWAYS THINK OF ME
I WILL HAVE NEVER GONE. . .
So maybe the biggest question that looms in front of each of us isn’t
Not what will I do on the Day I die. . .
so much as
What will I do the day I KNOW I will DIE
. . .CLASS IS IN SESSION
and YOU WILL HAVE TO RESPOND
already knowing,
NO RESPONSE
is a RESPONSE. . .
The Bad News:
YOU ARE GOING TO DIE
the Good News:
M A K E S U R E Y O U R B U C K E T HAS A H O L E I N I T
If I had my life to live over. . .
Y O U
have the chance to fill in the blank
. . .no written exam available
T R U E O R F A L S E:
Your Kindness is more of a NOUN
than a V E R B. . .
T R U E O R F A L S E :
Your Kindness is more of an ACT
than a W O R D. . .
T R U E O R F A L S E :
Your Kindness is more FICTION
than F A C T
D O E S K I N D N E S S W O R K. . .
is it effective. . .
does it make a difference in
Earthquakes
Hurricanes
Wildfires
Mass Shootings. . .
T R U T H:
“It’s kind of like weight training, we found that people can actually build up their compassion ‘muscle’ and respond to others’ suffering with care and a desire to help.” DR. RITCHIE DAVIDSON , UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN
The positive effects of kindness are experienced in the brain of everyone who witnessed the act, improving their mood and making them significantly more likely to “pay it forward.” This means one good deed in a crowded area can create a domino effect and improve the day of dozens of people!
Witnessing acts of kindness produces oxytocin, occasionally referred to as the ‘love hormone’ which aids in lowering blood pressure and improving our overall heart-health. Oxytocin also increases our self-esteem and optimism, which is extra helpful when we’re in anxious or shy in a social situation.
“About half of participants in one study reported that they feel stronger and more energetic after helping others; many also reported feeling calmer and less depressed, with increased feelings of self-worth” CHRISTINE CARTER, UC BERKELEY, GREATER GOOD SCIENCE CENTER
A 2010 Harvard Business School survey of happiness in 136 countries found that people who are altruistic—in this case, people who were generous financially, such as with charitable donations—were happiest overall.
“People who volunteer tend to experience fewer aches and pains. Giving help to others protects overall health twice as much as aspirin protects against heart disease. People 55 and older who volunteer for two or more organizations have an impressive 44% lower likelihood of dying early, and that’s after sifting out every other contributing factor, including physical health, exercise, gender, habits like smoking, marital status and many more. This is a stronger effect than exercising four times a week or going to church.” CHRISTINE CARTER, AUTHOR, “RAISING HAPPINESS; IN PURSUIT OF JOYFUL KIDS AND HAPPIER PARENTS”
According to research from Emory University, when you are kind to another person, your brain’s pleasure and reward centers light up, as if you were the recipient of the good deed—not the giver. This phenomenon is called the “helper’s high.”
Like most medical antidepressants, kindness stimulates the production of serotonin. This feel-good chemical heals your wounds, calms you down, and makes you happy!
Engaging in acts of kindness produces endorphins—the brain’s natural painkiller!
Perpetually kind people have 23% less cortisol (the stress hormone) and age slower than the average population!
A group of highly anxious individuals performed at least six acts of kindness a week. After one month, there was a significant increase in positive moods, relationship satisfaction and a decrease in social avoidance in socially anxious individuals. UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA STUDY
Stephen Post of Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine found that when we give of ourselves, everything from life satisfaction to self-realization and physical health is significantly improved. Mortality is delayed, depression is reduced and well-being and good fortune are increased.
Committing acts of kindness lowers blood pressure. According to Dr. David R. Hamilton, acts of kindness create emotional warmth, which releases a hormone known as oxytocin. Oxytocin causes the release of a chemical called nitric oxide, which dilates the blood vessels. This reduces blood pressure and, therefore, oxytocin is known as a “cardioprotective” hormone. It protects the heart by lowering blood pressure.
This may be the easiest bottom line ever. . .
in a time
in a place
in a situation
where it’s most needed:
O U R N O W :
Our kindness doesn’t have to
I G N I T E
The World
It just has to illuminate
W H E R E W E A R E
Here’s a Simple Caring Catalyst’s Rule:
Whenever you’ve been kind enough
BE KINDER STILL
Uhhhhhhh, if you know even a little bit about me. . ,
It’s that I adore Christmas. . .
Every year
Every Season
Every Month
Every Week
Every Day
Every Minute
Every Second
OF IT. . .
W H Y ?
Here’s a little Explanation:
When A N O T H E R
says something
better than you could ever
u t t e r
w r i t e
r e c i t e. . .
Give’em the Stage
and the Microphone
and most definitely,
T H E S P O T L I G H T
and don’t shut up
so much as really
L I S T E N :
This Henry van Dyke story is featured in our collection of Christmas Stories. and Short-Short Stories to read when you have five minutes to spare. You might enjoy his other works, The Other Wise Man and The First Christmas Tree
It is a good thing to observe Christmas day. The mere marking of times and seasons, when men agree to stop work and make merry together, is a wise and wholesome custom. It helps one to feel the supremacy of the common life over the individual life. It reminds a man to set his own little watch, now and then, by the great clock of humanity which runs on sun time.
But there is a better thing than the observance of Christmas day, and that is, keeping Christmas.
Are you willing to forget what you have done for other people, and to remember what other people have done for you; to ignore what the world owes you, and to think what you owe the world; to put your rights in the background, and your duties in the middle distance, and your chances to do a little more than your duty in the foreground; to see that your fellow-men are just as real as you are, and try to look behind their faces to their hearts, hungry for joy; to own that probably the only good reason for your existence is not what you are going to get out of life, but what you are going to give to life; to close your book of complaints against the management of the universe, and look around you for a place where you can sow a few seeds of happiness–are you willing to do these things even for a day? Then you can keep Christmas.
Are you willing to stoop down and consider the needs and the desires of little children; to remember the weakness and loneliness of people who are growing old; to stop asking how much your friends love you, and ask yourself whether you love them enough; to bear in mind the things that other people have to bear on their hearts; to try to understand what those who live in the same house with you really want, without waiting for them to tell you; to trim your lamp so that it will give more light and less smoke, and to carry it in front so that your shadow will fall behind you; to make a grave for your ugly thoughts, and a garden for your kindly feelings, with the gate open–are you willing to do these things even for a day? Then you can keep Christmas.
Are you willing to believe that love is the strongest thing in the world–stronger than hate, stronger than evil, stronger than death–and that the blessed life which began in Bethlehem nineteen hundred years ago is the image and brightness of the Eternal Love? Then you can keep Christmas.
And if you keep it for a day, why not always?
But you can never keep it alone.
L I S T E N :
It’s simply entitled
THE FALLING MAN
WE REMEMBER. . .
Don’t WE. . .
September 11, 2001
A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS. . .
but we don’t need photographs,
DO WE. . .
These are called
FLASHBULB M E M O R I E S
and psychologist tell us
this is why we
r e m e m b e r
exactly where we were
what we were doing
on a specific date
in history
like
September 11, 2001. . .
In a Flashbulb Memory,
we recall the experience of learning
about an event,
not the factual details of the event. . .
The idea of flashbulb memory
was first proposed in 1977 by psychologists
Roger Brown, PhD, and James Kulik, PhD,
who posited that these memories
are so emotionally important to us
that they’re laid down as vividly,
completely and accurately as a photograph. . .
See. . .
You really don’t need a photograph
even if just one is worth 10,000 words. . .
So weather it was with the Challenger
or the death of Princess Diane
or 9/11
or the death of a loved one. . .
B U T
It could it also involve a
FLASHBULB MOMENT
of Happiness. . .
Does it forever sear
FLASHBULB MOMENTS
Seriously. . .
Do you need a psychiatric opinion?
Do you need data
Scientific studies
Countless interviews
to determine
that we could
not just have the intention
not just have the audacity
not just have the gall
but actually have the awesome
second-to-none
u n i v e r s a l
C A R I N G C A T A L Y S T
power to create
F L A S H B U L B M E M O R I E S
in the lives of a world
of individuals
who’s eyes
are sorely in need
of a sight
of compassion
of love
of empathy
of acceptance
of forgiveness
of openness
they will not only
N E V E R F O R G E T
but, indeed
will never stop
E X P E R I E N C I N G
So, on the count of
T H R E E
say
C H E E S E
O N E
T W O
T H R E E. . .