The Caring Catalyst

Who Cares - What Matters

STAGES

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One of William Shakespeare’s most famous quotes comes from one of his plays, AS YOU LIKE IT:
“ALL THE WORLD’S A STAGE, AND ALL OF THE MEN AND WOMEN MERELY PLAYERS. . .”

SOUND FAMILIAR?

Shakespeare goes on to say in this soliloquy:

“They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms;
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lin’d,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper’d pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well sav’d, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion;
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything. . .”

It kind of makes you want to ask:
SO WHAT STAGE AM I ON RIGHT NOW?
Our whole LIVES teach us that we don’t have a
PURPOSE
MEANING
REASON
DESTINY
. . .that in fact it’s
P L U R A L
and not
SINGULAR. . .

There have been so many different stages you have been on throughout your life
and some of them you might have not even noticed
as they have literally blurred from
one scene
one Act
to another
in seemingly
BLINK-OF-THE-EYE
q u i c k n e s s. . .

So very, very many different stages
you have been on to show and share your
L I F E

Each are merely a piece to the puzzle that literally
MAKES YOU UP. . .

So here’s a most important question for the
N O W
of the day. . .
THIS MOMENT:

What stage are you on NOW. . .
WHAT ARE YOU SHOWING?

Shakespeare aside. . .
we are all authors of our own play
and in many ways,
D I R E C T O R S

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh:

EVERYONE QUIET ON THE SET:
READY
SET
A C T I O N


THE ME IN ME

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It’s not the first time I have shared a J J Heller song/video on
MONDAY VIDEO BLOG DAYS
and no, it most likely won’t be the last. . .
I loved this for the same reasons
J J herself liked it:

“So I’ll sing a song that only I can sing – A melody nobody knows but me 
A million things I could pretend to be – Maybe the best thing I can be is me.”

When I saw  the film “Bethany Hamilton: Unstoppable,” I cried. Her story stirred something in my heart. Her tenacity and courage in the face of all sorts of adversity is inspiring (to say the least). But I think what moved me most was her decision to keep surfing even after her accident. 

She loves surfing. She comes alive when she’s in the water. It’s who she is. 

So she made the brave choice to keep chasing what she loves. Even though it’s harder to surf with one arm. Even though there might be sharks in the water. 

Maybe you’re facing adversity right now, and it’s tempting to change who you are… to take the path of least resistance and pretend to be someone you’re not. 

But please don’t. The world needs who God made you to be. 


YOU HAVE A SONG TO SING!
 

Very special thanks to Bethany Hamilton, her team and Unstoppable – The Film for partnering with us on this music video. Thanks also to the lovely Joy Prouty for the footage of me singing my heart out on the porch and to Jilian Linklater for helping us write this special song.

. . .and so the only true thing that really matters right now
isn’t so much whether or not you like the video or even the song
so much as
YOUR RESPONSE

YOU ARE NOT ONE IN A MILLION. . .
there’s only ONE YOU
and it’s not only
E N O U G H;
but The World is in desperate need of
THE ONLY YOU
y o u
BRING–
THE YOU IN YOU!

YOUR DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

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DO  YOU  HAVE  ONE

Do   you   have   a   Personal
DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE ?

Would you even consider writing one of this 4th of July

in between picnics

in between family gatherings

in between the parties/the outings/

in between the FIREWORKS

Well.          .          .

may be it’s high time that you

Write Your Personal Declaration of Independence

“The beginning and the end reach out their hands to each other.” —Chinese proverb

I know it’s may well be past the 1/2
NEW YEAR MARK

B          U          T

Why  Wait?

WHY NOT CLAIM A REALLY NEW YEAR AS YOU DECLARE YOUR OWN PERSONAL
DECLARATION  OF  INDEPENDENCE

Here’s something to think about to really bring that spirit of freedom home to your own heart:
                              What will you declare YOUR independence from today?

What’s the tyrant that is holding you back from being all you can be?
Is it a not-so-healthy habit you want to let go of?
A stifling job?
A toxic relationship?
Someone who is pushing you in a direction that isn’t right for you?
Is it your need to always be right when interacting with others?
Constantly living in the past or blaming yourself for situations that aren’t totally under your control?
Or the debilitating habit of saying yes to everyone else instead of drawing boundaries and saying yes yourself?

What will you declare your independence from today?

It’s an important question that deserves some deep contemplation and, even better, a written commitment where you sign on the dotted line. Think of this as creating your own personal Independence Day—the day you vow to cut the tie, the day you declare your liberation from whatever or whomever is crushing that part of you that wants to fly.

Tips for writing your personal Declaration of Independence:

  • Be honest with yourself: Name something (or someone) that is holding you back from fully being yourself.
  • Write out your personal Declaration of Independence from this inner or outer tyrant with firm commitment and passion.
  • In your declaration, state exactly what you are committing to be free from and why this is important to you. What will you be able to accomplish by liberating yourself from this yoke?
  • You can also write that you are inviting and welcoming into your life all the support (physical, emotional, and/or spiritual) that you need to stick to your pledge of freedom.
  • Then write down the specific actions you will commit to in order to see this through to the finish.
  • Date and sign your declaration.

This can be the start of a new thrust for you, especially when you see this declaration as a pledge—a promise to yourself that you will choose to cut yourself free from the negative habit or toxic tie because it is dragging you down—even smothering you—rather than raising you up.  Sure, it might take some work.  But the commitment, in tangible form, is the essential first step.

The Scottish mountaineer W. H. Murray once wrote: “The moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.”

Sounds like a
NEW YEAR’S DAY
or better still, a true
DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE DAY,
huh?

Commit to your freedom today from one key thing that isn’t helping you thrive. See how it feels, and see what happens next. A new beginning is waiting for you.

And truly just don’t let the
F  I  R  E  W  O  R  K  S        B  E  G  I  N.          .          .

I   N   S   U   R   E

They
will
N     E     V     E     R           E  N  D !

You Will Be FOUND

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What a Play. . .
DEAR EVAN HANSEN:
A letter that was never meant to be seen, a lie that was never meant to be told, a life he never dreamed he could have. Evan Hansen is about to get the one thing he’s always wanted:
A CHANCE TO FINALLY FIT IN. . .

That’s what the Playbill spouts and it goes on to promise that this 2017 Tony Winner of the Best Musical Play is both a deeply personal and profoundly contemporary musical about life and the way we live it. . .

The Best part?

Despite winning the Tony Awards and copping a Grammy, the musical and lyrics have helped start discussions and awareness of mental illness and youth suicide. . .

TRUE
OR
FALSE:
You have felt alone and lost;
UN-FOIUND
A limb in the forest that never gets heard or found when it’s come free from
THE TREE

THE BAD NEWS:
It’s a part of your song

THE GOOD NEWS
YOU’RE NEVER SINGING A SOLO

Let your Song ring out
and know it only gets better
when it gets
h a r m o n i z e d

THE MESSAGE:
BE The Person A Person Needs

(For suicide and crisis support around the world,
visit:
https://www.befrienders.org

ENDINGS not CONCLUDED

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She brought a lottery ticket every Tuesday
and never won—
SHE DIED

He always bought used cars that he ended up
spending twice as much money to fix—
HE DIED

She went to psychics regularly—
SHE DIED

He prayed irregularly—
HE DIED

She shopped at Thrift stores for Everything—
SHE DIED

He quit golf because it got too expensive—
HE DIED

She never ate a meal out—
SHE DIED

He quit smoking/drinking and maintained a KETO Diet—
HE DIED

She read books and didn’t own a TV—
SHE DIED

He always got front row theater ticks—
HE DIED

She owned 6 cats and 2 dogs—
SHE DIED

He went to Church every Sunday and tithed 10%—
HE DIED

She never went to the Doctor—
SHE DIED

He didn’t own a toothbrush or floss—
HE DIED

He was a Doctor
She was a Teacher
He was a Nurse
She was a Lawyer
He was an Actor
She was a Police Officer
He as a Priest
She was an Actuary
He as Homeless
She was a Musician

They danced with Death
The SONG went on
but Their Music stopped
Death laughingly danced on
never out of breath
never losing a step
missing a beat
THEY DIED
Death Didn’t
It passes on
without passing away

Death never hides from us
It doesn’t play
PEEK-A-BOO
around unsuspecting corners
or unseen darkened tunnels
The bell it tolls at Midnight
is the same one resounding at Noon

It’s in Us
Like a constant untiring Heartbeat
Closer than our next breath
It surges through our veins
and Wins
ever before our Board game begins
and long before we get out of jail
and collect a conciliatory $200.00
Death smirks
Even as we before we put our
worn out pieces
begrudgingly in The Box

Death sneers the Smile
of an Undefeated Record

Death pitches a NO-Hitter
and when the fast ball
hits you in the head
you lay lifeless at the Plate
Before you can take your Base
. . .no Strike Three
ever necessary and seldom given

And yet
with our many beginnings
with our multiple endings
we are grateful
within us
there are some things that never conclude
THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT NEVER CONCLUDE

(and this. . .this is why we live)


What’s The Use(s)

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ARE  YOU  T H A T  ARTIST

in your life.       .       .

In Another’s.         .        .

Are you The Christoper Columbus in Search of the lost Continent in you.     .     .     ?

7 lessons about finding the work you were meant to do.        .         .

I love articles like this

because they imply something magical could happen to you

if you just followed

THE STEPS

THE GUIDELINES

THE MAP

THE PERSONAL GPS

THE.     .     .THE.      .      .THE.     .     .THE.     .     .THE.     .     .THE.     .     .THE.     .    .

Apr 29, 2016 reaches back and shows us the vast possibilities.          .          .

Emily Pidgeon

You don’t “find your calling,” you fight for it — and other lessons from people who found their passion (sometimes late in life).

Whether it was during a career aptitude test or in a heart-to-heart chat after getting laid off, chances are someone has talked to you about how to “find your calling.” It’s one of those phrases people toss about. But StoryCorps founder Dave Isay takes issue with it … specifically, the verb.

“Finding your calling — it’s not passive,” he says. “When people have found their calling, they’ve made tough decisions and sacrifices in order to do the work they were meant to do.”

In other words, you don’t just “find” your calling — you have to fight for it. And it’s worth the fight. “People who’ve found their calling have a fire about them,” says Isay, the winner of the 2015 TED Prize. “They’re the people who are dying to get up in the morning and go do their work.”

Over a decade of listening to StoryCorps interviews, Isay noticed that people often share the story of how they discovered their calling — and now, he’s collected dozens of great stories on the subject into a new book, Callings: The Purpose and Passion of Work. Below, he shares 7 takeaways from the hard-won fight to find the work you love.

1. Your calling is at the intersection of a Venn diagram of three things: doing something you’re good at, feeling appreciated, and believing your work is making people’s lives better. “When those three things line up, it’s like lightning,” Isay says. He doesn’t suggest that a person has to be a surgeon saving lives to feel like they have a calling; think of the diner waitress who talks to customers and makes them feel loved. How do you find this overlap? “You have to shut out all the chatter of what your friends are telling you to do, what your parents are telling you to do, what society is telling you to do,” Isay says, “and just go to that quiet place inside you that knows the truth.”

2. Your calling often comes out of difficult experiences. What lurks in that quiet place will be a defining experience — quite possibly a painful one. Isay points to an interview in Callings with 24-year-old teacher Ayodeji Ogunniyi. “He was studying to be a doctor when his father was murdered. He realized that what he was really meant to do was be a teacher,” says Isay. “He says that every time he walks into a classroom, his father is walking in with him.” This theme of people turning their hardest experiences into a new path runs throughout the book. “Having an experience that really shakes you and reminds you of your mortality can be a very clarifying event in people’s lives. Oftentimes, it leads to changes,” he says. “We spend a lot of time working, so it can really change your priorities in terms of work life.”

3. Calling often takes courage and ruffles feathers. Elsewhere in Callings, we hear about Wendell Scott, who became the first African-American NASCAR driver in 1952, and kept on driving despite threats against his life. From scientist Dorothy Warburton who dealt with extreme sexism as she conducted research to break the stigma around miscarriage. From Burnell Cotlon, who opened the first grocery store in the Lower 9th Ward after Hurricane Katrina because he wasn’t about to let his old neighborhood’s spirit fade. Calling, says Isay, very often starts with taking a stand against a status quo that simply isn’t acceptable, and then dedicating your work to changing it: “It’s work ignited by hope, love, or defiance — and stoked by purpose and persistence.”

4. Other people often nudge you toward calling. Sharon Long had worked odd jobs most of her life. As Isay tells it, “Her daughter was going to college, and as the bursar was helping them with financial aid forms, she said quietly to herself, ‘I wish I could’ve gone to college.’ The bursar responded, ‘It’s not too late.’” Sharon enrolled in an art program, and on her advisor’s suggestion, took forensic anthropology as her science. “The advisor suggested it for no other reason than he thought it was the easiest science course for the science requirement,” says Isay. “But the minute she sat in that class, it was boom — this is what she was meant to do.” Isay tells this story to illustrate how calling, while very personal, is also relational. “People bump you this way and that way,” he says, often without realizing it. “When people find their callings, they want to honor those people who helped them get there.”

5. What comes after identifying your calling is what really matters. The old ‘finding your calling’ phraseology makes it sound like a calling is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow — you find it, and the story’s over. But Isay stresses that your calling is an ongoing process. “Understanding what your calling is — that’s very different than the blood, sweat and tears of actually doing it,” he says. Pursuing a calling may require going back to school or apprenticing; it may require starting a business. Often, notes Isay, it leads a person into a line of work that’s in service of others. “This book is basically a love letter to nurses, teachers, social workers — the people who don’t often get celebrated for the work they do,” he says.

6. Age is irrelevant. Isay found his calling when he was 21 and interviewed a man who’d been part of the Stonewall riots. “The minute I hit record, I knew that being a journalist and interviewing people was what I was going to do for the rest of my life,” he says. “I feel very lucky that lightning struck when I was very young.” But collecting stories for the book reminded him that a calling can be discovered at any age. The book includes an interview with someone who knew they wanted to be an NBA referee at age 15, and another who worked as an accountant for 30 years before discovering his passion for slicing lox. “Doing the work you’re meant to do is one of the most satisfying, remarkable experiences that a person can have,” says Isay, “so never give up.”

7. Calling often doesn’t come with a big paycheck. Another trend Isay sees in stories of people who find their calling: they often involve leaving a high-paying job for one that’s lower-paying but more satisfying. “The message we send to young people is that you want to do as little work as you can to make as much money as you can — that’s the dream,” says Isay. “But the wisdom in the StoryCorps archive is that there’s another, much more rewarding dream of taking risks and working very hard to live with integrity.” In the end, that’s the lesson he took away from writing this book. “There are no millionaires, no billionaires, no celebrities, nobody with a big Twitter following,” he says. “Just stories can teach us a lot about lives fully lived.”

Even more powerful is this one single, revelation:

The DEBUNKING of one of the worst lies ever told to you,

made even more devastating because it’s told to you by people you love;

People you admire; look up to; respect.          .          .

YOU HAVE A PURPOSE.          .          .
(NO  YOU  DON’T)

YOU HAVE A MEANING.          .          .
(THAT’S  A  LIE)

YOU HAVE A DESTINY.            .          .
(THAT’S  A  BUNCH  OF  BUNK)

YOU HAVE A REASON.             .          .
(THAT’S A CROCK OF SOMETHING STANKY YOU DON’T WANT IN YOUR PANTRY)

T          R          U          T          H :

You don’t have a Purpose

You don’t have a Meaning

You don’t have a Destiny

You don’t have a Reason.          .          .

THEY   ARE   PLURAL.          .          .

Not   SINGULAR

The Purpose
The Meaning
The Destiny
The Reason

Y   O   U

had as a infant wasn’t the one you had as a toddler or a pre-schooler or in junior high or when you graduated from high school, college, with your first full time job, when you got married, had kids, got divorced, remarried, more kids, another career, moved, had grandkids, retired.          .          .

F          A           C          T :

You’ve had more Purposes,
You’ve had more Meanings,
You’ve had more Destinies,
You’ve had more Reasons

slip through your hands than you’ve ever taken advantage;

THEY  ARE  ENDLESS

and FOREVER CHURNING IN YOU

WHAT’S     THE     USE(S)

what indeed for

N                    O                    W

Woodcutter’s Wisdom

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It’d be great to know. . .

wouldn’t it?

It’d be great to know what’s, literally,

D O W N T H E T R A C K. . .

W O U L D I T
D O E S I T
M A T T E R.          .          .          ?

The story has been blamed on many. . .
I’ve heard it
I’ve preached it
I’ve told it
I’ve taught it
and now, now
I’ll blog it:

Once there was an old man who lived in a tiny village. Although poor, he
was envied by all, for he owned a beautiful white horse. Even the king
coveted his treasure. A horse like this had never been seen before—such
was its splendor, its majesty, its strength.People offered fabulous prices for the steed, but the old man always refused. “This horse is not a horse to me,” he would tell them. “It is a person. How could you sell a person? He is a
friend, not a possession. How could you sell a friend?” The man was poor
and the temptation was great. But he never sold the horse.One morning he
found that the horse was not in the stable. All the village came to see him. “You old fool,” they scoffed, “we told you that someone would steal your
horse. We warned you that you would be robbed. You are so poor. How
could you ever hope to protect such a valuable animal? It would have been better to have sold him. You could have gotten whatever price you wanted. No amount would have been too high. Now the horse is gone, and you’ve
been cursed with misfortune.”The old man responded, “Don’t speak too
quickly. Say only that the horse is not in the stable. That is all we know; the rest is judgment. If I’ve been cursed or not, how can you know? How can
you judge?”The people contested, “Don’t make us out to be fools! We may
not be philosophers, but great philosophy is not needed. The simple fact
that your horse is gone is a curse.”The old man spoke again. “All I know is
that the stable is empty, and the horse is gone. The rest I don’t know.
Whether it be a curse or a blessing, I can’t say. All we can see is a fragment. Who can say what will come next?”The people of the village laughed. They
thought that the man was crazy. They had always thought he was a fool; if he wasn’t, he would have sold the horse and lived off the money. But instead, he was a poor woodcutter, an old man still cutting firewood and dragging it out of the forest and selling it. He lived hand to mouth in the misery of
poverty. Now he had proven that he was, indeed, a fool.After fifteen days,
the horse returned. He hadn’t been stolen; he had run away into the forest. Not only had he returned, he had brought a dozen wild horses with him.
Once again the village people gathered around the woodcutter and spoke. “Old man, you were right and we were wrong. What we thought was a curse was a blessing. Please forgive us.”The man responded, “Once again, you go too far. Say only that the horse is back. State only that a dozen horses
returned with him, but don’t judge. How do you know if this is a blessing or not? You see only a fragment. Unless you know the whole story, how can
you judge? You read only one page of a book. Can you judge the whole
book? You read only one word of a phrase. Can you understand the entire
phrase?”Life is so vast, yet you judge all of life with one page or one word. All you have is a fragment! Don’t say that this is a blessing. No one knows. I am content with what I know. I am not perturbed by what I don’t.””Maybe
the old man is right,” they said to one another. So they said little. But down deep, they knew he was wrong. They knew it was a blessing. Twelve wild
horses had returned with one horse. With a little bit of work, the animals could be broken and trained and sold for much money.The old man had a
son, an only son. The young man began to break the wild horses. After a
few days, he fell from one of the horses and broke both legs. Once again the villagers gathered around the old man and cast their judgments.
 
“You were right,” they said. “You proved you were right. The dozen horses were not a blessing. They were a curse. Your only son has broken his legs, and now in your old age you have no one to help you. Now you are poorer
than ever.”The old man spoke again. “You people are obsessed with judging. Don’t go so far. Say only that my son broke his legs. Who knows if it is a
blessing or a curse? No one knows. We only have a fragment. Life comes in fragments.”It so happened that a few weeks later the country engaged in
war against a neighboring country. All the young men of the village were
required to join the army. Only the son of the old man was excluded,
because he was injured. Once again the people gathered around the old
man, crying and screaming because their sons had been taken. There was
little chance that they would return. The enemy was strong, and the war
would be a losing struggle. They would never see their sons again.”You
were right, old man,” they wept. “God knows you were right. This proves it. Your son’s accident was a blessing. His legs may be broken, but at least he
is with you. Our sons are gone forever.”The old man spoke again. “It is
impossible to talk with you. You always draw conclusions. No one knows.
Say only this: Your sons had to go to war, and mine did not. No one knows
if it is a blessing or a curse. No one is wise enough to know. Only God
knows.”The old man was right. We only have a fragment. Life’s mishaps
and horrors are only a page out of a grand book. We must be slow about
drawing conclusions. We must reserve judgment on life’s storms until
we know the whole story. 

 

We don’t know,
do we. . .
Is it a blessing
Is it a curse
this track
this road
this path
this way
we are on. . .


The one sure thing
maybe the only thing
is that while on the road
we travel not alone. . .

. , ,We are all on the same track. . .
just different sections of it;
so reach out and grab
H O L D
a Hand. . .
and make the
J O U R N E Y
a little easier,
a lot more enjoyable
and t h e n,
then notice
R E C O G O N I Z E
The HAND
that extends
and holds our own


Is the only hand
is the only path
is the only good and bad
is the only the happy and sad
is the only woodcutter’s wisdom
we ever need to get us down
the-not-so-easily-seen-ahead-track
that’s before us all. . .
It’s the only story that matters
and it’s not so much told
as LIVED. . .
and it’s
O U R ‘ S






OH, To Be BORED

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Being Bored Can Be Good for You—If You Do It Right. . .

I always think it would be great to be bored. . .

until I have a moment to

D O
N O T H I N G

and then

B A M
Z I P
P R E S T O

I F E E L G U I L T Y

even book in the hand
head on the chest
10 minute-power-napping it

B U T

If you’re waiting for brilliance to strike, try getting bored first. That’s the takeaway of a study published recently in the journal Academy of Management Discoveries, which found that boredom can spark individual productivity and creativity.

Those findings are likely no surprise to Sandi Mann, a senior psychology lecturer at the University of Central Lancashire in the U.K. Mann is the author of The Upside of Downtime: Why Boredom Is Good, and a proponent of embracing the emotion, negative connotations and all.

Here’s why being bored can be a good thing for your mind, imagination and productivity, and how to do it right

Boredom sparks creativity

At its core, boredom is “a search for neural stimulation that isn’t satisfied,” Mann says. “If we can’t find that, our mind will create it.” As demonstrated by the new study and plenty others before it, boredom can enable creativity and problem-solving by allowing the mind to wander and daydream. “There’s no other way of getting that stimulation, so you have to go into your head,” Mann says. You may be surprised by what you come up with when you do

Boredom is good for your mental health

Daydreaming can be “quite a respite” and provide a brief escape from day-to-day life, Mann says. But it’s also beneficial to simply step away from screens, work and other stressors long enough to feel bored. Studies have shown, for example, that modern tools including work emails, social media and dating apps can strain mental health — so taking a break can be a valuable opportunity to recharge.

How to be bored the right way

Mann says it’s important not to conflate boredom with relaxation. A purposefully tranquil activity, such as yoga or meditation, likely doesn’t meet the definition of trying and failing to find stimulation.

It’s also crucial to unplug during this time, Mann says. Our cultural attachment to our phones, she says, is paradoxically both destroying our ability to be bored, and preventing us from ever being truly entertained.

“We’re trying to swipe and scroll the boredom away, but in doing that, we’re actually making ourselves more prone to boredom, because every time we get our phone out we’re not allowing our mind to wander and to solve our own boredom problems,” Mann says, adding that people can become addicted to the constant dopamine hit of new and novel content that phones provide. “Our tolerance for boredom just changes completely, and we need more and more to stop being bored.”

Next time you find yourself in line at the grocery store, in a tedious meeting or killing time in a waiting room, resist the urge to scroll. You’re bound to get bored — and your brain, mood and work performance just might improve. . .

Ohhhhhhhh to be bored

until you have

just a single-solitary-moment
to be even slightly disinterested

and then we do everything we can

even if
especially if
it’s because of our own
self-imposed-guilt

DO IT

FIGHT THE URGE

GET YOUR BOREDOM ON
(just a little)

How to END Resolutions

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Lot of questions.       .       .

especially when it surrounds

R E S O L U T I O N S.           .          .

DO   YOU

Make   T H E M

Keep   T H E M

Break  T H  E  M

.          .          .Uhhhhhhhhhh just like everything else.          .          .

There’s a SCIENCE

To Resolutions

and Most Definitely why they just don’t work.          .          .

GOOD  NEWS ?

Only If there’s another alternative.          .          .

one that
T H E   S T U D I E S

tell us are much more effective:

H                 A                 B                 I                  T                 S

How many New Year’s resolutions have you made in your life? How many have you successfully accomplished? The estimate is that less than 10% of New Year’s resolutions are actually achieved (University of Scranton Psychology Professor John C. Norcross, Ph.D.). There’s a lot of homespun folksy advice out there this time of year about how to make sure you reach your New Year’s goals, but I thought I’d share the actual science of how to change behavior.

There’s two main lines of brain and behavior science that influence New Year’s resolutions: The science of habits and the science of self-stories.

Let’s start with the science of habits.

A lot of New Year’s resolutions have to do with making new habits or changing existing ones. If your resolutions are around things like eating healthier, exercising more, drinkingless, quitting smoking, texting less, spending more time “unplugged” or any number of other “automatic” behaviors then we are talking about changing existing habits or making new habits. Habits are automatic, “conditioned” responses. You get up in the morning and stop at Starbucks for a pastry and a latte. You go home at the end of work and plop down in front of the TV.  Here’s what you need to know about the science of changing existing habits or making new ones:

  • Contrary to popular opinion, it’s not hard to change habits IF you do so based on science.
  • To change a new habit you essentially have to create a new one, so whether you are changing an existing habit or creating a new one, the “scientific” method for doing so is the same.
  • You have already created literally HUNDREDS of habits that you have now, and you don’t even remember how they got started, so creating habits can’t be that hard or you wouldn’t have so many of them!

To create a new habit you have to follow these three steps (based on B.J. Fogg and Charles Duhigg)

  1. You MUST pick a small action. “Get more exercise” is not small. “Eat healthier” is not small. This is a big reason why New Year’s resolutions don’t work. If it’s a habit and you want a new one it MUST be something really small. For example, instead of “Get more exercise” choose “Walk 1/3 more than I usually do” or “Take the stairs each morning to get to my office, not the elevator”, or “Have a smoothie every morning with kale in it”. These are relatively small actions.
  2. You MUST attach the new action to a previous habit. Figure out a habit you already have that is well established, for example, if you already go for a brisk walk 3 times a week, then adding on 10 more minutes to the existing walk connects the new habit to an existing one. The existing habit “Go for walk” now becomes the “cue” for the new habit: “Walk 10 more minutes.” Your new “stimulus-response” is Go For Walk (Stimulus) followed by “Add 10 minutes.” Your existing habit of “walk through door at office” can now become the “cue” or stimulus for the new habit of “walk up a flight of stairs.” Your existing habit of “Walk into the kitchen in the morning” can now be the stimulus for the new habit of “Make a kale smoothie.”
  3. You MUST make the new action EASY to do for at least the first week. Because you are trying to establish a conditioned response, you need to practice the new habit from the existing stimulus from 3 to 7 times before it will “stick” on its own. To help you through this 3 to 7 times phase make it as EASY as possible. Write a note and stick it in your walking shoe that says “Total time today for walk is 30 minutes”. Write a note and put it where you put your keys that says: “Today use the stairs.” Put the kale in the blender and have all your smoothie ingredients ready to go in one spot in the refrigerator

E                  A                    S                    Y   ?

If you take these three steps and you practice them 3 to 7 days in a row your new habit will be established.

Now let’s tackle the science of self-stories

The best (and some would say the only) way to get a large and long-term behavior change, is by changing your self-story.

Everyone has stories about themselves that drive their behavior. You have an idea of who you are and what’s important to you. Essentially you have a “story” operating about yourself at all times. These self-stories have a powerful influence on decisions and actions.

Whether you realize it or not, you make decisions based on staying true to your self-stories. Most of this decision-making based on self-stories happens unconsciously. You strive to be consistent. You want to make decisions that match your idea of who you are. When you make a decision or act in a way that fits your self-story, the decision or action will feel right. When you make a decision or act in a way that doesn’t fit your self-story you feel uncomfortable.

If you want to change your behavior and make the change stick, then you need to first change the underlying self-story that is operating. Do you want to be more optimistic? Then you’d better have an operating self-story that says you are an optimistic person. Want to join your local community band? Then you’ll need a self-story where you are outgoing and musical.

In his book, Redirect, Timothy Wilson describes a large body of impressive research of how stories can change behavior long-term. One technique he has researched is “story-editing”:

  1. Write out your existing story. Pay special attention to anything about the story that goes AGAINST the new resolution you want to adopt. So if your goal is to learn how to unplug and be less stressed, then write out a story that is realistic, that shows that it’s hard for you to de-stress, that  you tend to get overly involved in dramas at home or at work.
  2. Now re-write the story — create a new self-story. Tell the story of the new way of being. Tell the story of the person who appreciates life, and takes time to take care of him/her-self.

The technique of story-editing is so simple that it doesn’t seem possible that it can result in such deep and profound change. But the research shows that one re-written self-story can make all the difference.

I’ve tried both of these techniques — creating new habits using the 3-step method, and creating a new self-story. The research shows they work, and my own experience shows they work.

Give it a try. What have you got to lose? This year use science to create and stick to your New Year’s resolutions.

What do you think? What has worked for you in keeping your resolutions?

References

Timothy Wilson’s book, Redirect

Charles Duhigg’s book, The Power of Habit:

The NEXTING

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Unknown

The road was before him.       .       .

After taking such a long time to look at it and get advice on what steps to take, what was ahead and how it was to be best traveled; after getting detailed maps and marking off the best, most direct routes, firing up the most sophisticated of GPS Systems, he finally started off with one  s i n g l e   s t e p

M       O       M       E       N       T       O       U       S

One    Solitary   Step

was all it really took for the journey.    .    .and it was quite an excursion!

He walked and ran and then walked  and ran some more.

 One step sometimes was more similar than the one before,

but he walked on;

Sometimes, he ran faster;

Sometimes, he crawled slower;

Sometimes, he just stood still, not moving even an inch for days.        .        .

P       A       R       A       L       Y       Z       E       D

The road never much accommodated him.  It never took one step for him or moved him forward.  At times it would present him challenges.  Because of it’s flaws he would slip, fall, get scrapped and cut, bloodied and bruised.  Exhausted most of the time from his seemingly never ending wanderings, the road would never assist him, but it did just what a road was suppose to do:

P    R    O    V    I    D    E           P    A    S    S    A    G    E

U               N               T               I               L  .         .         .  

He came to that ominous  FORK  in the Road.        .        .

It wasn’t the first one he had ever seen or even had been confronted, but this was a  monumental fork;  

at least he made it be so.        .        .

Maybe it was out of frustration. Maybe it was inspiration or just plain desperation or exasperation, but he didn’t choose left or right this time.  He went straight
ahead.      .      .tore up his maps, unheeded his expensive advice, became deaf to the pleading-ever-rerouting-of the GPS; discarded his vast experience and he  trudged on.         .        .

His every step was a new road planted and his heart palpitated with excitement, adventure and purpose until he came to the

A  P  P  A  R  E  N  T       E  N  D

Before him was a huge cater.  It was wider than he could see across, deeper than he could his eyes could focus and longer than the horizon could swallow.       .       .

It was then, unfortunately, he discovered that with each step he had taken, not only had he advanced at least one more step, but he had also erased forever the step before.

R     E     T     U     R     N

and

G   O   I   N   G      B  A  C  K

were not even concepts, let alone, possibilities.

He waited.        .        .
w       a       i       t       e       d.            .            .
at the end of his next step with all of its
e n l i g h t e n e d    d a r k e n e d    p r o m i s e.       .       .

It wasn’t in a step taken or dared,
but he had the sense as he damned his foolish actions
of   not   staying   on   the   path,    

right at
T             H             A             T
precise  moment,

A L L        R O A D S

led to the place that he was standing;
that in fact,
it would have never had mattered
which road he would have ever taken
whenever because they would have all led him
to this exact same place.            .            .

ALL     OF     THEM !

He had discovered at that flash,
t     h     e
M y s t e r y    o f    L i f e :

There’s no turning
or going back
because everything leads to where he was standing!

and an even grander enigma:

Coming to the End of the Horizon is never a Conclusion so much as a Commencement!

Head head high,
air rushing through his nostrils,
blood pulsating through his veins liked a busted dam,

h e    d i d    i t.       .       .

The wait was over.       .       .

He stepped out

One  Step

O     N     E

It took him to
t            h            a            t
place of endless beginnings;

There were no
 goings-back  

nor desire to do so.       .       .

The Step Taken,

The Chance Seized,

The Day-That-Would-Never-End,

B          E          G          U          N

F           O           R           E           V           E           R

Pssssssssssssssssssssssssst   of   the   Day:

No   need   for   a   New   Year   when   Every   Step   Brings   You   Endless  

New   Beginnings,  

Always!

W  A  L  K       O  N
w a l k  o n
w a l k
on

Professional Speaker, Author, Assurance Man