The Caring Catalyst

Who Cares - What Matters

You Will Be FOUND

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What a Play. . .
DEAR EVAN HANSEN:
A letter that was never meant to be seen, a lie that was never meant to be told, a life he never dreamed he could have. Evan Hansen is about to get the one thing he’s always wanted:
A CHANCE TO FINALLY FIT IN. . .

That’s what the Playbill spouts and it goes on to promise that this 2017 Tony Winner of the Best Musical Play is both a deeply personal and profoundly contemporary musical about life and the way we live it. . .

The Best part?

Despite winning the Tony Awards and copping a Grammy, the musical and lyrics have helped start discussions and awareness of mental illness and youth suicide. . .

TRUE
OR
FALSE:
You have felt alone and lost;
UN-FOIUND
A limb in the forest that never gets heard or found when it’s come free from
THE TREE

THE BAD NEWS:
It’s a part of your song

THE GOOD NEWS
YOU’RE NEVER SINGING A SOLO

Let your Song ring out
and know it only gets better
when it gets
h a r m o n i z e d

THE MESSAGE:
BE The Person A Person Needs

(For suicide and crisis support around the world,
visit:
https://www.befrienders.org

A TRUE(ER) GRATITUDE BLESSING

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It’s often read
bedside at the time of death
with family circling the bed of their loved one:

A GRATITUDE BLESSING

We bless your hair that the wind has played with
We bless your brow, no longer furrowed, now at peace
We bless your mind, all of the loving thoughts
We bless your eyes that have looked on us with love
We bless your ears that listened for our voices
We bless your nostrils, gateway of breath
We bless your lips that have spoken truth and kissed us a thousand times
We bless your neck and throat, we will remember your voice
We bless your shoulders that have borne burdens with strength
We bless your arms that have embraced us
We bless your hands that have shaped wonders
We bless your chest that sustained your life and nurtured us in strength
We bless your heart that loved us
We bless your belly, storehouse of the body
We bless your thighs for their strong foundation
We bless your knees that have knelt at sacred altars
We bless your legs that have carried you
We bless your feet that have walked your own path throughout life
WE THANK YOU

Beautiful blessing of thanks, isn’t it?

No. . .

It’s not mine. . .

It was brought and applied many different times by a friend, a colleague of mine; an awesome hospice nurse, Jill.

I firmly believe it’s power
I wholly feel that it’s mystique
is that it didn’t come from me. . .
T H A T
would be calculated
and expected. . .

It came from a nurse
(this time)
and sometimes it’s a doctor
and at other times
a Home Health Aide
and often from
Security or Housekeeping. . .

NOT FROM CHUCK THE CHAPLAIN

Am I hurt
jealous
angry
vengeful
regretful
or just severely
grateful
humble
validated
affirmed
hallowed. . .

T R U T H :

Sometimes the greatest blessings there can ever be come from those we often don’t expect. . .
(making them even more sacred)

G U A R A N T E E D:

The best of blessings are never spoken
. . .they’re done

Why give a blessing

WHEN YOU CAN BE ONE

Pssssssssssssssssssssssst of the Day:

You don’t have to look for
Most Blessings. . .
T H E Y
F I N D
Y O U !

Not Just Another Job

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Your Favorite Quote?

Behind all of your stories is always your mother’s story, because hers is where yours begin–Mitch Albom.

My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw.  All I am I owe to my mother.  I attribute my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her–George Washington.

Motherhood is the one job where, the better you are, the more surely you won’t be needed in the long run–Barbara Kingsolver

How vital are mother’s influence and teaching in the home–how apparent when neglected–Ezra Taft Benson.

Mothers worry only a out those we brought into this world, regardless of whether they loved us back or treated us fairly or understood our shortcomings–Adriana Trigiani

No language can express the power, and the beauty, and heroism, and majesty of a mother’s love. It shrinks not where man cowers, and grows stronger where man faints, and over wastes of worldly fortunes sends the radiance of a quenchless fidelity like a star.–Edwin Hubbell Chapin

Mom–the person most likely to write an autobiography and never mention herself–Robert Brault

I, like the rest of the world, have had a wonderful day of celebrating Mother’s Day.

I was able to see my mom, a continued blessing, itself.

I had many prideful moments watching the reaction of Erin as the kids expressed thanks for being their
M  O  M
throughout the day.

 I know that she in fact,

is not my mother,

but I could have never been more blessed than her being the mom and stepmom to my children.

It really is more than just a job, isn’t it?

I can’t imagine too many more jobs more

 t  h  a  n  k  L  E  S  S

Truly, it’s one of fewest jobs anyone would ever  apply,

accept or keep.        .        .

and yet, there are well over a billion that hold the actual gut-wretching-never-ending position of

M        O        M

.    .    .to   THAT   there are only two words,

never said enough days before,

Day of,

or days after :

THANK    YOU

About that favorite quote. . .

it’s most likely the one that the heart shouts and the mouth can’t begin the whisper. .  .

the pen can never put to paper.

Go hug a mom.     .     .

and if you can’t—

HUG   A   CHILD   OF   ONE

—hard and just a little longer than usual.        .        .

J  u  s  t      b  e  c  a  u  s  e !

Happy     Day     After     Mother’s     Day!

(Make it just as important)

F A M I L Y

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We’ve all heard it.      .     .

We’ve all probably said it.        .        .

We’ve all probably thought it more than ever hearing or saying it:

YOU    CAN    PICK    YOUR    NOSE

YOU    CAN    PICK    YOUR    FRIENDS

BUT    YOU    CAN’T    PICK    YOUR    FAMILY

.          .          .can   they   pick   you?

I remember when our kids were little

and not when they’ve grown older and have kids of their own:

“You know there’s a legend, an ancient belief that babies actually choose their parents and also have a hand in the life they want to lead, especially in the lessons and challenges they need to face and learn from in their
life.         .         .         .”

I sometimes reminded buy kids of this when I wasn’t all that popular with them about decisions or consequences to some of the decisions they
made.     .     .

I’d remind them,

“HEY, REMEMBER, YOU CHOSE ME, YOU CHOSE US.     .     .”

The one thing they never have heard from me

nor ever will:

“YOU    ARE    NOT    A    PART    OF    THIS    FAMILY!”

That would be kind of hard for me since as a

Father

Grandfather

Husband

Professional Speaker

Minister

Chaplain

Man

Person

HUMAN  BEING

I’ve never seen myself as not

 being   a   part   of

F          A          M          I          L          Y

The Take Away.          .         .

No matter what

No matter where

No matter how

No matter when

I     AM     NOT     LEAVING     THIS     FAMILY

(stay with me)

BEATING A MOUNTAIN

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Sometimes reaching out

and just holding hands

is a connection that your

H E A R T

will require that you do often.          .          .

In fact,

YOUR     HEART

won’t   be   the   same

E                 V                 E                 R

unless   it’s   connected

hand   to   hand

I saw her in the hallway when I walked into the facility

and she was talking on the phone

but it looked like she was talking to herself.           .           .

Moments later I saw her at the vending machine

OFF  OF  THE  PHONE.          .          .

she was buying a bag of salted nuts

and was wheeling around her own oxygen tank

and it was a simple question I asked:

“How   are   you?”

with a most significant answer:

“YOU    CAN’T    BEAT    A    MOUNTAIN!”

Talk about your

B                            A                            M

of   the   Day

When people have asked me

since 1994

“HOW  CAN  YOU  DO  THIS  WORK  OF  HOSPICE with all of the Death and Dying?”

My stock answer is anything but

I N    S T O C K:

“Everyday I don’t so much serve the dying as much as I companion the Living,”

.       .       .the MOUNTAIN-CONQUERING-STORM-WALKING-FIRE-EATING-SUNSHINE-SHINING-BRIGHTER-RAYS-EVER-PRODUCING-LIVING

The  Truth:

I’m still one of the most selfish people I’ve ever known

and I’m not ashamed to admit that by being a

Caring Catalyst

and showing up everyday

if to do nothing more than just

J O I N I N G     H A N D S

I become more completed

than any box of jumbled puzzle pieces

could ever become

and I’m always in search of the next hand.        .        .

the not-so-much-missing-piece

but the not-yet-found-one.          .           .

Because you just can’t

BEAT      A       MOUNTAIN

In fact.        .        .

Compassion adds to its Peak

HAND    AND    HAND

D i s c o v e r

and   ever

R           E           D           I           S           C           O           V           E           R

Let’s    go    Climbing

and let’s have our seemingly

L   A   S   T         S   T   E   P

be  really   just   another   one   of   our

F   I   R   S   T   S

in the many

of    more   to   come

When Gratitude ACTS

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Sometimes
G R A T I T U D E
is a Verb

when it’s not

EVERYONE KNOWS THE DIFFERENCE. . .

and yet doesn’t become

D I F F E R E N T

What’ll it take. . .

How Long. . .

G R A T I T U D E

is a universal language
spoken
by all
understood
by many
practiced consistently
by few. . .

but the only thing that really matters is

G R A T I T U D E

not known

but done

by

Y O U. . .

(that no dementia could ever rob)

Survey, S C R E A M S

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D O E S     I T     M A T T E R ?

Well, apparently the

Science   of   Happily   Ever   After

has gone well over and under the microscope–literally–and the examination table.

In her article,

MASTER   OF   LOVE,

author, Emily Smith reveals that of all the couples that get married,

only THREE in TEN remain in healthy, happy marriages.

W O W .        .        .

that’ll sour the Chocolate Heart well before Valentine’s Day.

Has it come to   T H I S:

A team of Researchers, Scientists actually hooked up couples to electrodes and asked the couples to speak about their relationship, how they met, a major conflict they were facing together, and a positive memory. As they spoke, these electrodes measured blood flow, heart rates, and how much sweat they actually produced…then the Researchers sent these folks home and followed up on them SIX YEARS LATER;

Forget about the  THREE  out of   TEN   formula.      .      .

Do you know what the two most powerful characteristics they found to long-lasting relationships?

K        I        N        D        N        E        S        S

G        E        N        E        R        O        S       I        T        Y

In most marriages,

T      H      E      Y   

concluded, levels of satisfaction drop dramatically within the first few years together;

BUT  AMONG  COUPLES  WHO  NOT  ONLY  ENDURE, BUT  LIVE  HAPPILY  TOGETHER  FOR  YEARS  AND  YEARS, THE  SPIRIT  OF  KINDNESS  AND  GENEROSITY  GUIDES  THEM  FORWARD!

What’s   T H A T   tell  you?

Being in a committed relationship now

(FOR   A   D O-O V E R)

for nearly 34 years,

with Mt Everest highs and the darkest of Abyss lows

over roads that would have begged for ruts and dust,

they were so desolate,

I,
like   many   others,

can prove to you what was implied but not measured

with this or any study:

K I N D N E S S   A N D   GENEROSITY

DO   NOT   WORK
–E V E R–

o       n       c       e .        .        .

Kindness and Generosity have to be consistently

D  O  N  E / E  X  P  E  R  I  E  N  C  E  D

I’m one of the few people known to all generations of all faiths

who actually doesn’t like

the Story of the Good Samaritan.          .          .

A guy gets thrashed and everyone avoids him from the Commoner to the most highly religious except, well, except for the lowest of the low scum of the earth, who took time to at least stop and help the man, got him patched up and then took him to a hostel where he could rehab; actually paid in advance and told the innkeeper, if it wasn’t enough, he’d settle up with him the next time he came back into town. . .

What’s not to like?

Well, here’s something that the Social Scientists don’t have to Electrode you up for:

ANYONE   CAN   DO   THAT–

Be a Good Samaritan–

O     N     C     E .          .          .

but what about a thousand and  O N C E  times

or a Billion,

a Ga-Zillion and  O N C E  times?

Who would have thought that

C      O      N      S      I      S      T      E      N      T      L      Y

being Kind and Generous

would be the key components for a long-lasting-happily-ever-after relationship?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  of  the  D A Y:

Maybe   if   we
T         H         O         U         G         H         T

l   e    s    s

and practiced
Kindness and Generosity

more.           .           .

Well,

you do the research:

Resource:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/what-makes-marriage-work

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/

Christmas’ed

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S               T               O               P

Don’t do anything for at least the next three minutes

or however long it’ll take you to scroll through this post.           .           .

Q       U       E       S       T       I       O       N :

When  is  I T ?

When did  IT

WHEN   WILL  IT

first   come   to   you   this   year?

When    W     I     L     L  

I T   L E A V E?

First present?

Last Present?

Somewhere in between parties or when you hit the pillow after some chaotic days?

Or has it already   G   O   N   E

before it has actually   C   O   M   E

I   am   a   firm

K       N       O       W  ‘   E       R  

that  Christmas,

or any other special holiday/event

doesn’t   so   much   come   on   a   day   or   for   a   Season,

b u t   i n

M       O       M       E       N       T       S

Last year.       .       .

I’ve  already  had  a  varied  assortment  of

M       O       M       E       N       T       S

over these past few days and weeks.       .       .

I bet you have, too.         .         .

I was at Costco shortly after Labor Day

and way before Halloween

and there were already Christmas Trees and lawn decorations

adoring the place

accompanied with Christmas Carols.          .          .

T        R       U       T         H:

I  think  it  starts  with  the

CHRISTMAS     IN    JULY

please-come-out-and-save-my-business-before-Christmas-gets-here-in-5-months-sales

We  always  have  a  way  of  celebrating  many  Christmases  during  the  holidays.         .         .   

and before and afterwards.     .     .

Any  M O M E N T S,  y e t ?

A Bell-Ringer outside of a grocery story proclaiming I must be a minister not because of my suit, tie, overcoat, but because I actually looked him in the eye and wished him a ‘Merry Christmas’ when I put a donation in his red kettle:

 A            M       O       M       E       N       T

Standing in Starbucks on Cyber Monday and the guy in front of me, telling the Barista that he was going to buy our drinks for the morning:

A              M       O       M       E       N       T

Conducting the Memorial service of a man I’d never met and assuring the small gathering of people that, “You haven’t heard the last of Steve,” and before I finished saying his name a flower pot dropping loudly to the floor from the side of his casket:

A              M       O       M       E       N       T

Seeing an awesome performance of The Messiah and during the warm-up the magic of the music
began a wave that became a tsunami of emotion;
it was like I saved a year full of tears
and numerous times during the performance they had
no problem flowing:

A            M       O       M       E       N       T

Walking into the Atrium of an Inpatient Unit and having four people pointing at me; when I walked up to them they turned their cell phone around showing me a picture of myself after they had just googled me to find me for possibly conducting the memorial service of their actively dying mother:

A            M      O      M      E      N      T

Seeing my grandchildren from the littlest
(the two year olds)
to the oldest,
(our 16 year old)
continuing to grow right before our eyes
and yet remain very child-like at the same time:

A            M       O       M       E        N       T

Waking up in the middle of the night and noticing that your holding a hand that’s clutching yours:

A         M       O       M        E        N        T

A song that comes on from your Shuffled Playlist at the exact time you really need to hear it but didn’t know that you did:

A          M        O       M       E       N       T

A phone call.          .          .

a Text. . .

a letter. . .

a chance meeting. . .

A   L   L               M     O     M     E     N     T     S.          .          .

It’s   NOT   if
M         O         M         E         N         T         S
ever  occur

as really if they ever

C       E       A       S       E  ?

Maybe the specialness of this Season

is just reserved to those who are actually

L O O K I N G   for   those   M O M E N TS ?

When  is  it?

What  MOMENT  does   IT  first come or

has   it  ?

Is  IT  still there or does it lay discarded.        .        .

cast aside like some soon to be useless wrapping paper?

We know, long ago as it has been told us,

“MARY KEPT THESE THINGS IN HER HEART. . .”

In his Classic, THE  OTHER  WISE  MAN, Henry van Dyke said,

“ARE YOU WILLING TO BELIEVE THAT LOVE IS THE STRONGEST THING IN THE WORLD–STRONGER THAN HATE, STRONGER THAN DEATH–AND THAT THE BLESSED LIFE WHICH BEGAN IN BETHLEHEM…(ALL THOSE) YEARS AGO IS THE IMAGE AND BRIGHTNESS OF ETERNAL LOVE?
THEN. . .THEN YOU CAN KEEP CHRISTMAS, AND IF YOU KEEP IT FOR A DAY, WHY. . .WHY NOT ALWAYS?”

It’s all about   M O M E N T S.         .         .

a  n  d ,

and just when isn’t there  ONE?

Maybe it’s not about  MOMENTS  at all.         .         .

Maybe it’s not about Noticing  MOMENTS.         .         .

Maybe it’s about just

C R E A T I N G      T H E M !

C H R I S T M A S ‘e d.         .         . 

If   you’re   going   to   be   TENSE—

why  not   BE   the   PRESENT    ONE .   .   .   ?

Here’s  to  your

M          O          M          E          N          T

and the many more to follow.       .       .

M          O          M          E          N          T          S :

They’re to be Made.       .       .

They’re to be Shared.       .       .

They’re to be enjoyed.       .       .

They’re to be NOTICED!

THEY’RE   TO   BE   LIVED   AGAIN

AND  AGAIN

AND AGAIN

A  N  D .          .          .

Had  any

M   O   M   E   N   T   S

lately?

They are like puzzle pieces

spread across a table top

begging to be put together.        .       .

The problem?

We most likely miss many more

than we notice.          .          .

and those might just be the most special ones of all

because it’s not always what we notice

but what we don’t recognize

that matters most!

Hit the

PAUSE    BUTTON

it’s  not  a  matter  of  it  all  coming  to  you

as you just seeing

that  it’s  already  been  here

and  never  leaves.         .        .

even  if  you  never  arrive

even  if  you  have  long  left

IT

.             .          .Get  Christmas’ed

and give a little of it.       .       .

The MOMENTS

you give

just might be the most

important MOMENTS

of all

and then maybe the greatest

D       I       S       C       O       V       E       R       Y

of all will be

u          n          w          r          a          p          p          e          d

m          a          y          b          e

.          .          .m a y b e

it really is up to you

and that might be the best news of all.          .          .

Tis The Season

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Well.       .       .

Is   it   better   to   GIVE

than it is to

RECEIVE.        .       .

IT  DEPENDS—

DOESN’T   IT.        .        .

I learned a long time ago

I’m not a really good

G  E  T  T  E  R

I   don’t   receive   well.          .          .

not even Compliments 

but   in   case   you   needed   any

here’s some inspiration.          .          .

o k

at  least

some  information:

The scientific evidence that generosity is good for us has been scant, even as the benefits of selfishness are obvious. Recently, however, a neurological study published in Nature Communications found there may be some biological truth to the maxim after all. The study showed that generosity changed the activity in people’s brains in ways that increase feelings of happiness, even if the generous act is small or only imagined.

Scientists at the University of Zurich and elsewhere began by recruiting 50 men and women and asking them to complete questionnaires about their current mood. They then were given 25 Swiss francs (about $25) once a week for the next month. Half of the 50 were asked to spend this on themselves. The other half were instructed to choose a new recipient each week on whom to spend the money. In other words, half the volunteers agreed to be selfish and the other half to be generous.

At the beginning of the study, participants slid into an M.R.I. machine with a computer screen that flashed hypothetical scenarios involving monetary gifts to a loved one at a personal cost. The M.R.I. recorded their brain activity as volunteers decided how they would react to each situation.

Afterward, the researchers again asked participants about their mood, especially happiness, and compared the results with the responses on the initial survey. Those who agreed to give away money reported feeling significantly happier than those who planned to spend it on themselves. They also made more generous choices during the M.R.I. testing, agreeing to more scenarios that came at a personal cost. And their brains worked differently, too. When the study subjects who had pledged to spend money made generous picks, the M.R.I. scans showed greater activity in a portion of the brain, the temporo-parietal junction, associated with altruism. And that portion of their brains was also showing greater functional connectivity, communicating more readily with another part of the brain, the ventral striatum, known as the brain’s reward center.

In effect, the pledge to be generous primed people to be more giving. There are probably evolutionary undercurrents to this process, says Thorsten Kahnt, who was a postdoctoral fellow at the University of Zurich and co-author of the study and is now an assistant professor of neurology at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago. Our early ancestors might not have been so eager to share food and labor with one another, he suggests, if those actions didn’t entail some reward — including the potent, if abstract, reward of happiness.

In the month following the M.R.I. study, researchers provided the promised cash to each volunteer and checked in about its dispersal. For the most part, the volunteers who had agreed to give the money away did. Though the experiment lasted only a short time and involved only simulated gains and losses, Kahnt says that “it does show a mechanistic linkage in the brain between doing something nice for someone and feeling better about yourself.”

Here’s   a   suggestion:

Use yourself as the ultimate

Scientific Lab;

be  your own   lab    rat.       .       .

E            X            P            E            R            I            M            E            N            T

 for just the next 26 days:

(That’s right, just till the end of 2018)

G            I            V            E

without any expectation of anything in return

G           I            V             E

anonymously

G           I            V             E

freely

G           I            V             E

without any strings, threads, ropes, cables attached

G           I            V            E

without ands, buts, ifs, unlesses, excepts, or’s, untils

G            I            V            E

u n c o n d i t i o n a l l y

G            I            V            E

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh.       .       .

after  all.            .            .

T i s    t h e    S e a s o n !

and  more.     .     .

it   could   be

l       i       f       e       c       h       a       n       g       i       n       g

for

y o u

for

a n o t h e r

f o r

a n

e   v   e   r

(uhhhhhhh,  that’s  way  past  a  SEASON) 

Simply be the Caring Catalyst

Y O U    A R E

 

 

O-V-E-R is the New Beginning

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EmptyPiePan

My family hates it,

mostly because it’s an obsession of mine.

It happens every time we get back from vacation

or a family reunion or any big event

.          .          .I   CAN’T   LET   IT   GO!

When we come back from vacation I ask questions like,

“Hey, do you remember what we were doing exactly this time last week or three weeks ago or even,

THIS      TIME      LAST      YEAR?”

Drives’em  crazy.

It’s late.

All are asleep.

I just finished watching parts of the third of three football games.     .     .

we did more traveling today

than a gaggle of Turkey’s

P R E-T H A N K S G I V I N G;

I can’t tell you how many times

I’ve walked back into the kitchen after the big dinner,

the table was cleared,

dishes done.     .     .
Thank God the refrigerator door

doesn’t have an automatic lock on it after a certain amount of accessing times.     .     .

My pants are tight (yeah, even these sweat pants) and my heart is even fuller.      .      .

I    R E – M  E  M  B  E  R.         .         .

constantly putting back together the pieces of my life

and those that have

 t      h      a      n      k      f      u      l      l      y

 intermeshed their fabric into my Tapestry.       .       .

Is   I T    O v e r ?

I think not.       .       .

This won’t be the first time you’ll see something like this here.     .     .

I am always reaching back and bringing it all forth again;

I think the    r e a l    Thanksgiving isn’t on the day with all of the parades,

football,

repeated eating fests—-

it’s the  DAYS  After.     .     .

EVERYONE  is Thankful on  THAT  day!

But it’s the days following where the

T   H   A   N   K   F   U   L        M   E   T   E   R

might find its truest test.      .      .

What then?

Get your Thanksgiving  ON

the days following when Time blurs on to the next Holiday;

Seriously, are we less thankful the days following?

Do we have to reach back to actually RE-MEMBER

or is it, truly, not just a day, or a season–

Dare it actually be a Lifestyle?

Well.       .       .

it’s what I ponder

as I finish that last lonely piece of pie—

it  was begging for it!

Hmmmmmmmmmmm.              .              .

I just can’t let it go.         .         .

I’m thinking

I’m thanking

I’m THINKING

I’M THANKING.       .       .

that could be a Great thing.         .         .

A Very Great, Tasty,

FULL – FILLING  THING.       .       .

Y  o  u ?

As much as you JUST

celebrated THANKSGIVING

.         .          .and even though your Stomach might still be full,

I hope your heart is EMPTY enough to

truly continue this Season of

T     H     A     N     K     S     G           E          T          T          I          N          G

.          .          .may it be way better than you have planned

or    i m a g i n e d

Professional Speaker, Author, Assurance Man