The Caring Catalyst

Who Cares - What Matters

Christmas’ed

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S               T               O               P

Don’t do anything for at least the next three minutes

or however long it’ll take you to scroll through this post.           .           .

Q       U       E       S       T       I       O       N :

When  is  I T ?

When did  IT

WHEN   WILL  IT

first   come   to   you   this   year?

When    W     I     L     L  

I T   L E A V E?

First present?

Last Present?

Somewhere in between parties or when you hit the pillow after some chaotic days?

Or has it already   G   O   N   E

before it has actually   C   O   M   E

I   am   a   firm

K       N       O       W  ‘   E       R  

that  Christmas,

or any other special holiday/event

doesn’t   so   much   come   on   a   day   or   for   a   Season,

b u t   i n

M       O       M       E       N       T       S

Last year.       .       .

I’ve  already  had  a  varied  assortment  of

M       O       M       E       N       T       S

over these past few days and weeks.       .       .

I bet you have, too.         .         .

I was at Costco shortly after Labor Day

and way before Halloween

and there were already Christmas Trees and lawn decorations

adoring the place

accompanied with Christmas Carols.          .          .

T        R       U       T         H:

I  think  it  starts  with  the

CHRISTMAS     IN    JULY

please-come-out-and-save-my-business-before-Christmas-gets-here-in-5-months-sales

We  always  have  a  way  of  celebrating  many  Christmases  during  the  holidays.         .         .   

and before and afterwards.     .     .

Any  M O M E N T S,  y e t ?

A Bell-Ringer outside of a grocery story proclaiming I must be a minister not because of my suit, tie, overcoat, but because I actually looked him in the eye and wished him a ‘Merry Christmas’ when I put a donation in his red kettle:

 A            M       O       M       E       N       T

Standing in Starbucks on Cyber Monday and the guy in front of me, telling the Barista that he was going to buy our drinks for the morning:

A              M       O       M       E       N       T

Conducting the Memorial service of a man I’d never met and assuring the small gathering of people that, “You haven’t heard the last of Steve,” and before I finished saying his name a flower pot dropping loudly to the floor from the side of his casket:

A              M       O       M       E       N       T

Seeing an awesome performance of The Messiah and during the warm-up the magic of the music
began a wave that became a tsunami of emotion;
it was like I saved a year full of tears
and numerous times during the performance they had
no problem flowing:

A            M       O       M       E       N       T

Walking into the Atrium of an Inpatient Unit and having four people pointing at me; when I walked up to them they turned their cell phone around showing me a picture of myself after they had just googled me to find me for possibly conducting the memorial service of their actively dying mother:

A            M      O      M      E      N      T

Seeing my grandchildren from the littlest
(the two year olds)
to the oldest,
(our 16 year old)
continuing to grow right before our eyes
and yet remain very child-like at the same time:

A            M       O       M       E        N       T

Waking up in the middle of the night and noticing that your holding a hand that’s clutching yours:

A         M       O       M        E        N        T

A song that comes on from your Shuffled Playlist at the exact time you really need to hear it but didn’t know that you did:

A          M        O       M       E       N       T

A phone call.          .          .

a Text. . .

a letter. . .

a chance meeting. . .

A   L   L               M     O     M     E     N     T     S.          .          .

It’s   NOT   if
M         O         M         E         N         T         S
ever  occur

as really if they ever

C       E       A       S       E  ?

Maybe the specialness of this Season

is just reserved to those who are actually

L O O K I N G   for   those   M O M E N TS ?

When  is  it?

What  MOMENT  does   IT  first come or

has   it  ?

Is  IT  still there or does it lay discarded.        .        .

cast aside like some soon to be useless wrapping paper?

We know, long ago as it has been told us,

“MARY KEPT THESE THINGS IN HER HEART. . .”

In his Classic, THE  OTHER  WISE  MAN, Henry van Dyke said,

“ARE YOU WILLING TO BELIEVE THAT LOVE IS THE STRONGEST THING IN THE WORLD–STRONGER THAN HATE, STRONGER THAN DEATH–AND THAT THE BLESSED LIFE WHICH BEGAN IN BETHLEHEM…(ALL THOSE) YEARS AGO IS THE IMAGE AND BRIGHTNESS OF ETERNAL LOVE?
THEN. . .THEN YOU CAN KEEP CHRISTMAS, AND IF YOU KEEP IT FOR A DAY, WHY. . .WHY NOT ALWAYS?”

It’s all about   M O M E N T S.         .         .

a  n  d ,

and just when isn’t there  ONE?

Maybe it’s not about  MOMENTS  at all.         .         .

Maybe it’s not about Noticing  MOMENTS.         .         .

Maybe it’s about just

C R E A T I N G      T H E M !

C H R I S T M A S ‘e d.         .         . 

If   you’re   going   to   be   TENSE—

why  not   BE   the   PRESENT    ONE .   .   .   ?

Here’s  to  your

M          O          M          E          N          T

and the many more to follow.       .       .

M          O          M          E          N          T          S :

They’re to be Made.       .       .

They’re to be Shared.       .       .

They’re to be enjoyed.       .       .

They’re to be NOTICED!

THEY’RE   TO   BE   LIVED   AGAIN

AND  AGAIN

AND AGAIN

A  N  D .          .          .

Had  any

M   O   M   E   N   T   S

lately?

They are like puzzle pieces

spread across a table top

begging to be put together.        .       .

The problem?

We most likely miss many more

than we notice.          .          .

and those might just be the most special ones of all

because it’s not always what we notice

but what we don’t recognize

that matters most!

Hit the

PAUSE    BUTTON

it’s  not  a  matter  of  it  all  coming  to  you

as you just seeing

that  it’s  already  been  here

and  never  leaves.         .        .

even  if  you  never  arrive

even  if  you  have  long  left

IT

.             .          .Get  Christmas’ed

and give a little of it.       .       .

The MOMENTS

you give

just might be the most

important MOMENTS

of all

and then maybe the greatest

D       I       S       C       O       V       E       R       Y

of all will be

u          n          w          r          a          p          p          e          d

m          a          y          b          e

.          .          .m a y b e

it really is up to you

and that might be the best news of all.          .          .

Tis The Season

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Well.       .       .

Is   it   better   to   GIVE

than it is to

RECEIVE.        .       .

IT  DEPENDS—

DOESN’T   IT.        .        .

I learned a long time ago

I’m not a really good

G  E  T  T  E  R

I   don’t   receive   well.          .          .

not even Compliments 

but   in   case   you   needed   any

here’s some inspiration.          .          .

o k

at  least

some  information:

The scientific evidence that generosity is good for us has been scant, even as the benefits of selfishness are obvious. Recently, however, a neurological study published in Nature Communications found there may be some biological truth to the maxim after all. The study showed that generosity changed the activity in people’s brains in ways that increase feelings of happiness, even if the generous act is small or only imagined.

Scientists at the University of Zurich and elsewhere began by recruiting 50 men and women and asking them to complete questionnaires about their current mood. They then were given 25 Swiss francs (about $25) once a week for the next month. Half of the 50 were asked to spend this on themselves. The other half were instructed to choose a new recipient each week on whom to spend the money. In other words, half the volunteers agreed to be selfish and the other half to be generous.

At the beginning of the study, participants slid into an M.R.I. machine with a computer screen that flashed hypothetical scenarios involving monetary gifts to a loved one at a personal cost. The M.R.I. recorded their brain activity as volunteers decided how they would react to each situation.

Afterward, the researchers again asked participants about their mood, especially happiness, and compared the results with the responses on the initial survey. Those who agreed to give away money reported feeling significantly happier than those who planned to spend it on themselves. They also made more generous choices during the M.R.I. testing, agreeing to more scenarios that came at a personal cost. And their brains worked differently, too. When the study subjects who had pledged to spend money made generous picks, the M.R.I. scans showed greater activity in a portion of the brain, the temporo-parietal junction, associated with altruism. And that portion of their brains was also showing greater functional connectivity, communicating more readily with another part of the brain, the ventral striatum, known as the brain’s reward center.

In effect, the pledge to be generous primed people to be more giving. There are probably evolutionary undercurrents to this process, says Thorsten Kahnt, who was a postdoctoral fellow at the University of Zurich and co-author of the study and is now an assistant professor of neurology at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago. Our early ancestors might not have been so eager to share food and labor with one another, he suggests, if those actions didn’t entail some reward — including the potent, if abstract, reward of happiness.

In the month following the M.R.I. study, researchers provided the promised cash to each volunteer and checked in about its dispersal. For the most part, the volunteers who had agreed to give the money away did. Though the experiment lasted only a short time and involved only simulated gains and losses, Kahnt says that “it does show a mechanistic linkage in the brain between doing something nice for someone and feeling better about yourself.”

Here’s   a   suggestion:

Use yourself as the ultimate

Scientific Lab;

be  your own   lab    rat.       .       .

E            X            P            E            R            I            M            E            N            T

 for just the next 26 days:

(That’s right, just till the end of 2018)

G            I            V            E

without any expectation of anything in return

G           I            V             E

anonymously

G           I            V             E

freely

G           I            V             E

without any strings, threads, ropes, cables attached

G           I            V            E

without ands, buts, ifs, unlesses, excepts, or’s, untils

G            I            V            E

u n c o n d i t i o n a l l y

G            I            V            E

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh.       .       .

after  all.            .            .

T i s    t h e    S e a s o n !

and  more.     .     .

it   could   be

l       i       f       e       c       h       a       n       g       i       n       g

for

y o u

for

a n o t h e r

f o r

a n

e   v   e   r

(uhhhhhhh,  that’s  way  past  a  SEASON) 

Simply be the Caring Catalyst

Y O U    A R E

 

 

O-V-E-R is the New Beginning

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EmptyPiePan

My family hates it,

mostly because it’s an obsession of mine.

It happens every time we get back from vacation

or a family reunion or any big event

.          .          .I   CAN’T   LET   IT   GO!

When we come back from vacation I ask questions like,

“Hey, do you remember what we were doing exactly this time last week or three weeks ago or even,

THIS      TIME      LAST      YEAR?”

Drives’em  crazy.

It’s late.

All are asleep.

I just finished watching parts of the third of three football games.     .     .

we did more traveling today

than a gaggle of Turkey’s

P R E-T H A N K S G I V I N G;

I can’t tell you how many times

I’ve walked back into the kitchen after the big dinner,

the table was cleared,

dishes done.     .     .
Thank God the refrigerator door

doesn’t have an automatic lock on it after a certain amount of accessing times.     .     .

My pants are tight (yeah, even these sweat pants) and my heart is even fuller.      .      .

I    R E – M  E  M  B  E  R.         .         .

constantly putting back together the pieces of my life

and those that have

 t      h      a      n      k      f      u      l      l      y

 intermeshed their fabric into my Tapestry.       .       .

Is   I T    O v e r ?

I think not.       .       .

This won’t be the first time you’ll see something like this here.     .     .

I am always reaching back and bringing it all forth again;

I think the    r e a l    Thanksgiving isn’t on the day with all of the parades,

football,

repeated eating fests—-

it’s the  DAYS  After.     .     .

EVERYONE  is Thankful on  THAT  day!

But it’s the days following where the

T   H   A   N   K   F   U   L        M   E   T   E   R

might find its truest test.      .      .

What then?

Get your Thanksgiving  ON

the days following when Time blurs on to the next Holiday;

Seriously, are we less thankful the days following?

Do we have to reach back to actually RE-MEMBER

or is it, truly, not just a day, or a season–

Dare it actually be a Lifestyle?

Well.       .       .

it’s what I ponder

as I finish that last lonely piece of pie—

it  was begging for it!

Hmmmmmmmmmmm.              .              .

I just can’t let it go.         .         .

I’m thinking

I’m thanking

I’m THINKING

I’M THANKING.       .       .

that could be a Great thing.         .         .

A Very Great, Tasty,

FULL – FILLING  THING.       .       .

Y  o  u ?

As much as you JUST

celebrated THANKSGIVING

.         .          .and even though your Stomach might still be full,

I hope your heart is EMPTY enough to

truly continue this Season of

T     H     A     N     K     S     G           E          T          T          I          N          G

.          .          .may it be way better than you have planned

or    i m a g i n e d

GRATITUDE’S PRESENT(S)

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Getty Images

It’s   just   a   feeling,   right?

G           R           A           T           I           T           U           D           E.          .          .

dressed   up   like
T H A N K F U L N E S S
and   masquerading   as
A  P  P  R  E  C  I  A  T  I  V  E 
TIME  MAGAZINE’S, Jamie Ducharme recently reported just how exactly rich and enriching it is being GRATEFUL.            .             .
Now is the season to think about what makes you most thankful, especially since it’s
T H A N K S G I V I N G      E V E
but research supports making it a year-round habit. Many studies have found there are benefits of gratitude — both mental and physical — and all it takes to enjoy them is a little bit of introspection.

Here   are   some   surprising   benefits   of   practicing   gratitude:

Gratitude  can  make  you  more  patient

Research from Northeastern University has found that people who felt grateful for little, everyday things were more patient and better able to make sensible decisions, compared to those who didn’t feel very gracious on a day-to-day basis. When 105 undergraduate students were asked to choose between receiving a small amount of money immediately or a larger sum at some point in the future, for example, the students who had shown more gratitude in earlier experiments were able to hold out for more cash.

Gratitude  might  improve  your  relationship

According to a study in the Journal of Theoretical Social Psychology, feeling grateful toward your partner — and vice versa — can improve numerous aspects of your relationship, including feelings of connectedness and overall satisfaction as a couple. “Having a partner that’s grateful for you or you being grateful for the other” can both help your love life, says Emma Seppälä, a happiness researcher at Stanford and Yale Universities and author of The Happiness Track. (Seppälä wasn’t involved with the research.)

Gratitude  improves  self-care

In a study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, researchers asked people to rate their levels of gratitude, physical health and psychological health, as well as how likely they were to do wellbeing-boosting behaviors like exercise, healthy eating and going to the doctor. They found positive correlations between gratitude and each of these behaviors, suggesting that giving thanks helps people appreciate and care for their bodies.

Gratitude  can  help  you  sleep

“Count blessings, not sheep,” Seppälä says. Research in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research has found that feeling grateful helps people sleep better and longer. That’s likely because “you have more positive thoughts before you go to sleep,” says Seppälä (who wasn’t involved in the study), which may soothe the nervous system. If you’re going to make a daily gratitude list, Seppälä recommends writing it before bed.

Gratitude  may  stop  you  from  overeating

“Gratitude replenishes willpower,” says Susan Peirce Thompson, a cognitive scientist who specializes in the psychology of eating. The concept is similar to the Northeastern research that found a connection between gratitude and patience: Thompson says cultivating feelings of gratitude can boost your impulse control, helping you slow down and make better decisions. If you find yourself taking slice after slice of pumpkin pie, for example, Thompson recommends excusing yourself from the table to jot down a quick list of things you’re grateful for, which can help you clear your mind and reset.Gratitude can help ease depression

Thompson, the cognitive scientist, says experiments have shown that people whole partake in the “three good things” exercise — which, as the name suggests, prompts people to think of three good moments or things that happened that day — see considerable improvements in depression and overall happiness, sometimes in as little as a couple weeks. “If there were a drug that did that, whoever patented that drug would be rich,” Thompson says. “Gratitude is very powerful.”

Gratitude  gives  you  happiness  that  lasts

Lots of things, from a compliment to a sugary treat, can bring little bursts of happiness. But instant gratification also goes away quickly, Seppälä explains, which leaves you craving more. “Gratitude is something that leads to much more sustainable forms of happiness, because it’s not based in that immediate gratification; it’s a frame of mind,” she says. If you regularly take time to express gratitude and thankfulness, you’re likely to see results.

TAKEAWAY:

Gratitude

isn’t a thing
a day
a season
a feeling
a situation
a ripple that merely becomes a harmless wave
.          .          .it’s  what’s  caused  in  us
that we can cause in another
an endless billow that just doesn’t reach shores

B U T         R  O  C  K  S         B  O  A  T  S

 

The Last Brownie

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Well.     .     .

Would   you.       .       .

C  O  U  L  D     Y O U

win the  LAST  BROWNIE ?

I love this clip from Notting Hill

courtesy from Wing Clips

at the beginning of the week of

T        H        A        N        K        S        G        I        V        I        N        G

It’s an amazing scene, isn’t it?

Each guest sitting around the table trying to vie

for the last-very-much-wanted-Brownie

by telling their own personal tale of woe–

the very saddest of which

w     i     n     s

The Brownie.          .          .

So what’s    Y  O  U  R     Story.      .      .      ?

Would  you  focus  on

your  lack  of  income

your  lack  of  good  looks

your lack of incredible health

your lack of physical mobility or skills

your lack of a great relationship

your lack of professional standing

your lack of awareness of just how good you actually do

H     A     V     E          I     T  ?

Even  on  a  Thanksgiving  Week

it’s  sad  isn’t  it,

that so much of our lives are consumed with thinking

about what we Lack in LIFE

than all of the things we have overwhelming been blessed?

S          O         M         E         T         I         M         E         S

it actually takes a traumatic experience

or at least

a  severely  rugged  turn  of  events

to  make  the  mundane  blessings

we  usually  take  for  granted.     .     .

e      x      t      r      a      o      r      d      i      n      a      r      y

Like the familiar old adage:

YOU   NEVER   KNOW  WHAT   YOU’VE  GOT,  TILL  IT’S  GONE

So here’s the ultimate

T H A N K S G I V I N G    D A R E :

Turn   in

Y  O  U  R        B  R  O  W  N  I  E.       .       .

turn    it    in

for the Pumpkin Pie—

The   O N E  

You   G  I  V  E

with all of the trimmings

not optional–

ever again—

b u t

S       T       A       N       D       A       R       D

with the more-than-usual exception

that’ll  you’ll  exceed

e x p e c t a t i o n s

for everyone else’s sake.       .       .

Y          U          M !

Go  ahead–

Dish up another Serving.     .     .

O     U     T          t   h   a   n   k

everyone    you    know.           .           .

don’t   even   make   it

c     l     o      s      e  !

The Day of The Veteran

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I never served in the Armed Services.       .       .

BUT   I   WILL  BE   ETERNALLY   GRATEFUL   FOR   ALL   OF   THOSE   WHO   DID

ON   OUR   BEHALF’S

IT   IS   NOT

just   another   day.       .       .

There  is

 NOT      ANOTHER      DAY  

or even this one

without the sacrifices of the many

NAMED
UN-NAMED
KNOWN
UNKNOWN
Soldiers.        .        .

THREE      THINGS      ON      THIS      VETERANS      DAY:

1) Pause and watch the small film clip–Remembering to be grateful

2) THANK a Veteran. They’ve heard many words but the two they’ll never hear enough are

THANK YOU!

3) Do one Compassionate/Kind thing today–the more anonymous the better. Any act of Compassionate Kindness is gesture to an everlasting Peace the World so desperately needs.

BE THAT PERSON

that Brings Peace where you are–

in your own geographical area–

no more,

P  L  E  A  S  E.      .      .

NO   LESS!

YOU  are the Peace Treaty that needs
SIGNED
SEALED
Delivered

Y E S T E R D A Y.

Let the World wait no longer.

AT—-TEN—TION!

Fall  Out.        .        .

A D M I S S I O N S

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I have shown this dozens of times in several different settings and it always seems to begin conversations and foster even deeper thoughts and feelings.       .      .

After last week’s series of pipe bomb mails,
Grocery Store
Synagogue Shootings

and a unplanned, profound discussion with friend about

G  E  T  T  I  N  G      I T

I’ve  repeatedly  had  just

One    Question?

What Props are you holding on to that keep you being truly
freely
being
y o u.          .          .

Well.          .          .

?

THE UNHAPPY CLOWN

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9 Things Therapists Do When They

                   Want To Feel Happier

Steal these tips from the pros.
Dominique Astorino On Assignment For HuffPost

WESTEND61 VIA GETTY IMAGES

You can be an absolute expert within the field of finding happiness and still need a little help yourself.

“We have the same problems as our patients,” said David D. Burns, a clinical psychiatrist and author of bestselling psychology book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. And sometimes that means dealing with negative thoughts, anxiety and bad moods.

So what does a therapist — usually the advice-giver when it comes to these types of problems — do when they’re in a funk? I loved falling across this HuffPost article who chatted with Burns and a few other experts to get their tips. Here are some of their go-to moves when they need to feel happy ASAP, as well as their advice on how you can steal them for yourself:

Use    the    “30-second    rule”

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by a task, chore, conflict, to-do list ― and it’s totally sabotaging your mood ― try tackling just a small piece of it, Burns said. “The thing I choose to do has to be something I can complete in about 30 seconds, that way I can’t give myself any excuses to procrastinate,” he explained.

For example, Burns said that day he was feeling particularly overwhelmed by piles of paperwork on his desk, so he put his method into practice immediately. He took 30 seconds — all while on a call — to put a few pieces of paper together, staple them and file those papers properly in his file cabinet.

It’s ridiculously simple, but Burns said he felt a marked improvement in his mood immediately. “You feel a little bit of a boost every time you do this,” he said.

(I AM THE MOST UN-ORGANIZED ORGANIZED GUY I KNOW; I AM POWERFULLY PRODUCTIVE UNDER THE GUN AND AM IN CONSTANT COMPETITION WITH MYSELF; SO I PLAY THE GAME OF DOING JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE A LITTLE BIT LONGER AND A LITTLE BIT BETTER:  WIN!)

Do   some   deep   breathing

SCIENCE PHOTO LIBRARY VIA GETTY IMAGES

This tip is the oldest trick in the book for a reason. According to Habib Sadeghi, a holistic health expert and author of The Clarity Cleanse, taking a few large breaths can activate your parasympathetic nervous system, a part of your overall nervous system that’s responsible for lowering your heart rate and blood pressure. Taking a few deep breaths is also “a way to get out of the head and into the body,” Sadeghi said.

Sadeghi added that a deep-breathing exercise can be a small, easy way to slow down and change “how we think and feel.”

To try it yourself, start with a forceful exhale to clear some of the air from your lungs. Hold this for a second or two, then inhale deeply, allowing your abdomen to expand. Count to seven as you inhale, then hold your breath for about the same amount of time. Then exhale slowly for about 14 seconds or so. Repeat this for about 10 cycles, preferably on the edge of a chair with your eyes closed.

(WE NEVER THINK ABOUT BREATHING;  SO THINK ABOUT IT.  THE AVERAGE PERSON TAKES ANYWHERE FROM 17,280 TO 23,040 BREATHS A DAY.  JUST THINK ABOUT 40 OF THEM ON PURPOSE)

LET  YOURSELF  FEEL  BAD

It might be tempting to squash your terrible mood by suppressing that negativity, but you’re actually not doing yourself any favors. Instead, experts tell their patients ― and themselves ― to let themselves feel whatever emotions that pop up.

“Don’t tell your feelings to shut up. Instead, ask ‘what’s up?’” said Heidi Ligouri, a licensed counselor and motivational speaker. She added that ignoring a feeling can often make a situation worse.

Taking the time to process feelings can also help you get into a happier mindset more easily. There’s no reason to feel bad about feeling bad, said Kathleen Dahlen deVos, a psychotherapist based in San Francisco. She calls accepting negative feelings “emotional fluency,” which means experiencing your emotions “without judgment or attachment.” This allows you to learn from them, use them or move on from them more easily, Dahlen deVos said.

(SOMETIMES MONDAY FEELS LIKE A MONDAY; HUG THAT PORCUPINE AND REMIND YOURSELF THAT MONDAY IS   ‘J U S T’    A DAY NOT ALL SEVEN; TUESDAY IS COMING AND SO IS THE WEEKEND!)

Stop   and   say   one   nice   thing   about   yourself

ARTURSFOTO VIA GETTY IMAGES

Self-criticism comes easily for most people, especially when they’re in a terrible mood. So, once you’ve acknowledged you’re feeling crummy, counter that with a little emotional TLC.

“We tend to be so brutal on ourselves. Not only are we telling ourselves not to feel, but when we see a feeling we judge ourselves,” for having it, said Ligouri. “Once you see the [negative] feeling … practice self-compassion.”

If your bad mood is caused by a mistake, or if you’re thinking negatively about yourself, interrupt that stream of consciousness by picking out one thing you like about yourself. For example, maybe you prioritize hanging out with your sister, or you’re a team player at work, or you volunteer every month. Just something that gives yourself credit for your attributes. It sounds like a corny exercise, but it might just work.

“Developing a practice of mindful self-compassion has been hugely supportive in helping me to live a happier, healthier, and more joyful life,” Dahlen deVos said. “Self-compassion, in essence, is the recognition that no matter what is happening in our lives, we are innately worthy, lovable and connected to all of humanity.”

Jodi Aman, a psychotherapist and author of You 1, Anxiety 0, said she practices this as well. “I get dissed and let down as much as the next girl,” she said. “I’ve trained myself to show compassion for what I feel, and this helps me not judge myself, which makes the hurt easier on the mind and soul.”

Still need some convincing that this technique isn’t bogus? Research shows that this practice also can help protect you from anxiety depression.

(MY GREATEST SELF TALK GO TO: I BELIEVE I AM THE BEST THERE IS; I BELIEVE IT WITH ALL OF MY HEART; B U T   I   ‘ K N O W’   IT’S NOT TRUE WHICH IS WHY EVERY DAY I JUST DON’T SEE MY FLAWS, I AM SEVERELY MOTIVATED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT)

Ask yourself what you should do next ― then do it

Let’s say you showed up 20 minutes late to a meeting and halfway through your important presentation, you noticed you had a massive coffee stain on your shirt. You get through the meeting, but you’re angry about the circumstances afterward. In this situation, Ligouri said she figures out her next step by asking herself what she needed.

“Ask yourself: Do I want to keep rolling around in upset? Do I want to create or recreate a commitment to living a happy healthy life? Do I just need a nap? Do I want to reach out to a friend?” Ligouri said. In other words, figure out what to do next ― even if it’s just a simple task ― and then commit to doing it.

(SECRET WEAPON: M O T I O N–VERB IT UP!  IT’S ALL ABOUT BEING IN MOTION/ACTING/DOING– EVEN IF IT’S IN YOUR HEAD)

Take   a   hike

JGI/JAMIE GRILL VIA GETTY IMAGES

Maybe not literally, but at the very least get outdoors. Each expert said they rely heavily on this activity as a way to improve mood.

“I make it a point to get fresh air and incorporate movement into every day,” Dahlen deVos said. “Sometimes this means a yoga or fitness class, but often it’s just a morning hike with my pup or an afternoon walk around the neighborhood during a free hour.” Her secret weapon? Doing this phone-free.

Aman also said long walks, in particular, are her go-to move when it comes to increasing her happiness. “I take a long walk in the woods,” she said. “The research on this is unmistakable. It’s good for the mind, body, and soul.”

You also get the added benefit of exercise, which is its own mood booster, Sadeghi said.

“Exercise is really one of the best ways to blow off stress and sadness,” he explained. “Even resistance training, or a rough round of racquetball or tennis — something that requires you to focus intensely on your body, its movements and sensations.”

(I WAS DEVASTATED TO EXPERIENCE THAT I COULD NO LONGER RUN MARATHONS OR EVEN SHORT DISTANCES BUT I CAN SWIM-RUN IN THE POOL AND STILL WALK–THE BEACH–ANY BEACH IS THE BEST; IT HAS IT’S HEALTH BENEFITS BUT I DO IT FOR MY HEAD NOT SO MUCH MY HEART)

Find   a   mantra   that   works   when   you’re   in   a   bad   mood

Dahlen deVos said she keeps a set of mantras in her back pocket, and recommends the same for her clients. “Develop a self-compassion mantra: an easy-to-memorize set of phrases to repeat when we need a compassion boost, or to create mindfulness of a situation,” she said.

She recommended trying something like this the next time you’re feeling down and out: “I’m having a hard time, but everyone feels this way sometimes. May I be gentle with myself and remember that I’m safe and okay.”
(MY   GO   TO : “I  GOT THIS, BRING IT!”)

Dance   it   out

Sadeghi said he personally turns to dance as “a great way to expel a lot of pent-up anxiety or depressive energy.”

Using a mix of “upbeat songs that you really love,” give yourself room to literally dance like no one’s watching. “Make your movements random, but deliberate and strong; get your whole body into it,” he said. “Imagine the negative energy flying out of your body through your fingertips as you move around.”

(ok in my case:  SING   IT   OUT, LOUD AND ANIMATED.  MY FAVORITE PLAYLIST IS ONE I’VE CREATED CALLED: RUNNING; IT’S THE BEST WORKOUT I’VE HAD WITHOUT RUNNING SHOES)

Play with a pup (or another furry friend)

ANCHIY VIA GETTY IMAGES

There’s a reason pet owners tend to live longer. Spending time with a dog, cat, or another animal can be profoundly calming and uplifting.

Burns cited time with his sweet rescue kitten Misty as one of his all-time favorite mood-boosters.

“It really teaches me something at a deep level,” he said. “She’s not special, she’s just an abandoned cat. I am not special either! But when we’re together, life becomes special.”

(I’VE TOLD MY DOG AND CATS THINGS I’VE NEVER TOLD ANOTHER LIVING BEING AND THEY’VE NEVER DISAPPOINTED OR NOT LISTENED OR NOT BEEN GLAD TO SEE ME–B  A  M!)

Psssssssssssssssssst:

Sometime this Clown doesn’t much like Clowning.          .          .

It, thankfully, never lasts long because of the ultimate secret weapon:

r        e       l        a         t        i        o        n        s        h        i        p       s 

 w  h  a  t  ‘  s        y  o  u  r ‘ s ?

The Science of KINDNESS

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IS  KINDNESS  A  SCIENCE.     .     .     ?

For the past three decades, Dacher Keltner has been researching human emotions, starting with micro-movements of facial muscles and more recently the relationship between powerlessness and health outcomes. Photo: Daphne White

The “science” of happiness may sound like an oxymoron to most people, but not so Dacher Keltner, psychology professor and director of the Greater Good Science Center (GGSC) at UC Berkeley. For the past three decades, he has been researching human emotions, starting with micro-movements of facial muscles and more recently the relationship between powerlessness and health outcomes. Along the way, he has written several books and co-created one of the most popular MOOCs (massive open online courses) in the country.

Keltner began studying psychology just as the field was transitioning away from a belief that all human decisions were based on rationality and facts (the brain as computer model), and toward the “emotion revolution.” The “explosion of interest in feeling” fit in with Keltner’s own family belief system, and he quickly found his niche. “My mother, an English professor and student of Romanticism, and my father, an artist guided by Lao Tzu and Zen, cultivated in me the conviction that our best attempts at the good life are found in bursts of passion,” he writes in his book Born to be Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life.

Keltner may look like a California surfer but actually comes from Scandinavian stock whose emotional makeup is more Ingmar Bergman than Beach Boys. The anxiety is not recognized or discussed in his family, but Keltner sees the pattern clearly. “People don’t realize it, but I have had a few periods in my life when I experienced exceptional degrees of anxiety and near-OCD,” he said. One of the defining characteristics of anxiety is “interior focus,” a hypersensitivity to bodily sensations such as heart palpitations, blushes, and sweating, he said. So perhaps it’s not surprising that Keltner, 55, has been on a life-long search for happiness and what he calls “the greater good.”

He started out “reading faces” as a post doc in the lab of Paul Ekman — made famous by the TV series Lie to Me — spending over 2,000 hours analyzing frame-by-frame video images of facial expressions in order to map different micro-emotions. “When I first heard about this, it was like an intellectual epiphany,” he said. It validated what he had learned about emotions, and provided a scientific way of measuring something that otherwise seemed ineffable.

Ekman claims that micro expressions cannot be hidden, even when a person is trying to conceal an emotion. By learning Ekman’s coding system, Keltner said, he entered a different “perceptual world … It’s the world before language, the way our primate predecessors communicated. Darwin was interested in this. It’s mind-blowing to be exposed to it.” While Ekman only studied six emotions at his UC San Francisco lab, Keltner eventually added another 15 emotions to the mix, including awe and compassion.

As a result of his studies, he can sometimes see things that others can’t. “I may see anxiety before a person is aware of it, or I might spot depression at an early stage,” he said. “There’s all this information in your face and voice and body. Most people pay attention to this maybe 60 percent of the time but with me, it’s maybe 70 percent. I use it with my teenage daughters,” he jokes. When it comes to his wife, though, “she doesn’t believe anything I say, just in general.”

Happiness   and   the   Greater   Good

 “The connection between happiness and the greater good is pretty clear, and it’s under-appreciated,” he said. There is more to happiness than momentary, individual pleasure. “Social connection is one of the strongest determinants of health,” Keltner said. “We take a lot of happiness in giving to other people.” In fact, research shows that lonely people die younger than people with strong social networks. “Lonely college students had higher blood pressure than non-lonely ones, putting them at greater risk for heart disease, and this health disparity was even greater between lonely and non-lonely older adults,” according to an article in the Greater Good magazine.

 Greater    Good    Science    Center

GGSC was founded in 2001, with a gift from Berkeley alumni Thomas and Ruth Hornaday. After their daughter died of cancer, and soon after 9/11, the couple called Cal’s Dean of Social Sciences and said they wanted to create a center “that would really bring peace to people,” Keltner said. The dean, Geroge Breslauer, knew of Keltner’s work and referred the Hornadays to him.

When the idea for the center was first proposed, Keltner decided pretty quickly that he did not want to use the money just to write white papers and sponsor meetings. “I didn’t want to create the typical academic center,” he said. “The great thing about Berkeley is that I could say, ‘Let’s use the science of kindness and altruism and play and gratitude to promote the greater good. Let’s disseminate it to everyone, not just other academics’.”

But do these tools really work? Keltner said he practices many of them and finds that even in these bleak times, he is able to remain “60 percent optimistic.” That is a far cry from absolute happiness, of course. But then, Keltner said, most of his friends are “in despair,” especially about the political situation in the country. “Kindness is the most important thing,” he said. “That, and mindfulness.”

The    Power    Paradox

 Much of his own work is about class, inequality, and power. Keltner’s latest book, The Power Paradox: How we Gain and Lose Influence, includes a chapter on “The Price of Powerlessness.” He writes about a part of his childhood lived in the “poor rural town” of Penryn, CA, where he discovered “the empathy, kindness, generosity, respect, and inclusiveness that the poor live by in response to the harsher material conditions of their lives.”

Returning to Penryn as an adult, Keltner discovered that most of his friend’s parents died young of a variety of diseases. His book cites research showing that a person’s social class predicts their vulnerability to disease. “With each rung down the class ladder,” he wrote, “an individual is more likely to suffer from disease and to live a shorter life, to battle hypertension, cervical, cervical cancer, and painful arthritis, and to suffer from other chronic illnesses.” Growing up poor, research shows, “shaves six years off life expectancy.”

Keltner writes about a “new science of power,” which posits that only socially intelligent, caring and compassionate people ultimately become leaders. His book revolves around 20 “Power Principles” such as “enduring power comes from empathy” and “enduring power comes from telling stories that unite,” and “groups give power to those who advance the greater good.” It is hard to connect those concepts with current reality.

Yet the “power paradox” of the book’s title is this: “we rise in power and make a difference in the world due to what is best about human nature, but we fall from power due to what is worst.” Keltner writes that people become leaders by exhibiting compassion, listening skills and other positive behaviors, but once they obtain power they tend to behave “like impulsive, out-of-control sociopaths.”

Keltner had originally written a longer chapter on coercive Machiavellian power for the first draft of the book, “but in the spirit of collective optimism we cut it,” he said. “If I were to write the book now, I would say that human societies are an interesting combination of coercive, manipulative, aggressive power and prosocial and connective power.” The book has been translated into 12 languages.

 “There is a real hunger to foster feelings of reconciliation and compassion even at a time when people feel alienated from one another,” Marsh said. “They are eager for any information that can help develop a greater sense of empathy and forgiveness, even for people who seem different from themselves.”

Meanwhile, Keltner continues to explore practices related to the “greater good.” He volunteers at San Quentin a few times a year; works with national health care executives to incorporate GGSC practices into health care settings; and continues to teach and spend time with his family.

He also tries to spend as much time as possible outdoors, especially in places that evoke awe in him, such as the high Sierras. “Sometimes it takes a while to figure out who you are,” he said. He loves backpacking and camping and sleeping outside. “I don’t mind bears running around,” he said. Happiness, it turns out, can be found in unexpected places.     .     .

YEAH.   .   .YEAH.   .   .YEAH.   .   .YEAH.   .   .B  U  T.     .     .

so how does that translate to we, as

CARING  CATALYSTS.     .    .

T          R          U          T          H  ?

It doesn’t.          .          .

Theory is just THEORY

‘HOW TO’  IS POWERFUL

‘WANT TO’  IS  SUPREME

D O
D O
D O
D O

is all that counts.          .          .

The Science of Kindness is great

The    ACTION    OF    KINDNESS

second to ANYTHING

no YEAH-BUT’S

(ABOUT IT)

a     l     l     o     w     e     d

(theorize    T H A T     e  x  p  e  r  i  e  n  c  e)

Merry PRACTICE Christmas

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Yes siree, Bob.          .          .

I            A  M            T  H  A  T            G  U  Y :

A  Severe Christmas Lover.          .          .

In fact, if you’re reading this anytime on July 25, 2018

we are exactly

http://www.xmasclock.com/

So maybe the biggest question

the ROOT of the WHY

do I love Christmas so much

is the most simplest

JUST  BECAUSE’s of all time:

THE  WORLD IS BETTER
KINDER
MORE: FORGIVNG
ACCEPTING
LOVING

than at any other time of the year it kind of begins

a little earlier than Halloween

and it includes Hanukkah and Kwanza

and it powerfully reminds us of the most overlooked facts of all time:

Is that enough or do you actually need some facts, some evidence based material?

W               E               L               L .             .             .

9 Reasons Why It’s Never Too Early for

                   Christmas Decorations

Did you know that Christmas decorations may make you happier? Learn why you should put up your holiday decor now. Start hanging Christmas lights today!

I  F       Y  O  U       A  R  E   a strict post-Thanksgiving or December-only holiday decorator; Or maybe you don’t put up the tree until the week before Christmas; IF your philosophies on holiday decorating are “the more the merrier” and “the sooner the better.”   IF  you have doubts about timing, you might reconsider when to decorate for Christmas after you hear this. Plus I’ve got plenty of Christmas decoration ideas to get you started—all of which make you happy, help you connect with the neighbors, and bring some (literal) light to winter gloom.

1. It    Could    Make    You    Happier

It turns out that “holiday spirit” isn’t just eggnog. People often associate Christmas decorations with feelings of nostalgia and excitement from childhood, several psychotherapists have explained. Even if this feeling is mixed with sadness, such as when someone has lost a loved one, decorating may help connect to positive memories of that loved one.

2. It’ll    Make    Your    Neighbors    Like    You

A study found that people shown photos of houses rated the residents of a home adorned with Christmas decorations as more friendly and sociable versus houses sans decor. The decorated houses were seen as more “open” or accessible, regardless of whether their inhabitants actually interacted much with their neighbors. This makes a lot of sense; if everyone in the neighborhood decorates and you join in, it fosters a sense of community. So, go on, display your wreaths with pride—and maybe surprise the family next door with some holiday cookies!

3.  Christmas    Desserts

Did someone say cookies? OK, so maybe they aren’t technically decor, but we think early holiday baking is a good reason to dust off that Santa-shape cookie jar. Besides, colorful treats are decorations in their own right. Desserts are one of the best parts of the holiday season, and there’s no reason why you can’t enjoy them any day of the year. Mix up one or more of these sweet delicacies to get you in the holiday mood.

Not sure where to start? Try the following tasty treats; make sure you go for seconds and thirds (or countless numbers of time)  My brothers and I scarfed up the stuff my mom baked months ahead of time and put in the freezer…we mouth-thawed them.  YUMMELS

4. It’s   Getting   Cold   (and Dark)

You’ve already broken out the warm scarves and sweaters, so go ahead and pull out the plaid blankets, evergreen-scented candles, and string lights, too. We also think that the coziness of twinkling lights and hot chocolate next to a crackling fire lined with stockings is the perfect way to beat the winter blues.

5. To   Show   Off   Your   DIYs

Or to get started on them! You’ve got tons of Christmas decoration ideas Pinned, but you don’t want to be scrambling to glue and paint things the night before your guests come over. Make a wreathnow, decorate ornaments for the annual exchange, and prep a Christmas card display before all the holiday mail starts coming in. We bet you won’t be able to resist hanging up your newly made decorations.

6. To    Enjoy    Them    Longer

Let’s face it—putting up Christmas decorations is fun, but it can also be a lot of work. Lugging all of the ornaments and boxes out of the basement or attic is kind of a bummer if you know you’ll have to do it all over again to put them away a week later. Why not leave more time to sit back and appreciate your efforts? You could even mix it up with a new color scheme for your Christmas home decor this year.

7. To    Sing    a    New    Tune

We know people have mixed feelings about this one, but hear us out. There’s no better time to play Christmas music than while decorating, and many artists release new holiday songs around this time. Besides, you’ve been listening to the same Top 40 hits all year. This is Christmas music’s time to shine. Crank up classics like “Jingle Bells” and “Deck the Halls” and sing along!

Bonus: Make an ornament out of favorite Christmas songs! Print out copies of the sheet music, then cut into strips and decoupage onto a plain ornament.  BAM!

8. To    Spend    More    Time    with    Family

With all the holiday parties and shopping, the season can turn into one big blur. Set aside time for Christmas decorating early so you can relax and truly enjoy this moment with your family before all the craziness starts. Pick a hands-on activity you can work on together, such as a gingerbread house or easy ornaments for kids.

9.     You’ll    Have    Somewhere    to    Take    Christmas     Card    Photos

Uh, oh! You reached the end of the year and realized you don’t have nice photos of the family all together for the annual Christmas card—again. No worries; put up a few decorations as a backdrop and snap some pictures in sweaters so Grandma will get her card in time for the holidays. A festive strand of garland draped over a doorway or mantel provides the perfect framing effect for your photo. And since your decor is already out, well, you know what to do. Two birds, one stone.

Yeah, I get a little caught up in the Christmas Moment

because I’d like to think that it’s more than just a MOMENT

I’d like to think

that each of our LIGHTS

G   L   O   W         A      L  I  T  T  L  E       B  R  I  G  H  T  E  R

W  A  R  M     A     L  I  T  T  L  E     C  O  Z  I  E  R

.          .          .but not just for a Season or a Day or a Moment

but F O R    A N    E V E R.          .          .

j         o          i          n
         m         e

for   a  Merry   PRACTICE   Christmas

Professional Speaker, Author, Assurance Man