Who Cares - What Matters
Sometimes
G R A T I T U D E
is a Verb
when it’s not
EVERYONE KNOWS THE DIFFERENCE. . .
and yet doesn’t become
D I F F E R E N T
What’ll it take. . .
How Long. . .
G R A T I T U D E
is a universal language
spoken
by all
understood
by many
practiced consistently
by few. . .
but the only thing that really matters is
G R A T I T U D E
not known
but done
by
Y O U. . .
(that no dementia could ever rob)
D O E S I T M A T T E R ?
Well, apparently the
Science of Happily Ever After
has gone well over and under the microscope–literally–and the examination table.
In her article,
MASTER OF LOVE,
author, Emily Smith reveals that of all the couples that get married,
only THREE in TEN remain in healthy, happy marriages.
W O W . . .
that’ll sour the Chocolate Heart well before Valentine’s Day.
Has it come to T H I S:
A team of Researchers, Scientists actually hooked up couples to electrodes and asked the couples to speak about their relationship, how they met, a major conflict they were facing together, and a positive memory. As they spoke, these electrodes measured blood flow, heart rates, and how much sweat they actually produced…then the Researchers sent these folks home and followed up on them SIX YEARS LATER;
Forget about the THREE out of TEN formula. . .
Do you know what the two most powerful characteristics they found to long-lasting relationships?
K I N D N E S S
G E N E R O S I T Y
In most marriages,
T H E Y
concluded, levels of satisfaction drop dramatically within the first few years together;
BUT AMONG COUPLES WHO NOT ONLY ENDURE, BUT LIVE HAPPILY TOGETHER FOR YEARS AND YEARS, THE SPIRIT OF KINDNESS AND GENEROSITY GUIDES THEM FORWARD!
What’s T H A T tell you?
Being in a committed relationship now
(FOR A D O-O V E R)
for nearly 34 years,
with Mt Everest highs and the darkest of Abyss lows
over roads that would have begged for ruts and dust,
they were so desolate,
I,
like many others,
can prove to you what was implied but not measured
with this or any study:
K I N D N E S S A N D GENEROSITY
DO NOT WORK
–E V E R–
o n c e . . .
Kindness and Generosity have to be consistently
D O N E / E X P E R I E N C E D
I’m one of the few people known to all generations of all faiths
who actually doesn’t like
the Story of the Good Samaritan. . .
A guy gets thrashed and everyone avoids him from the Commoner to the most highly religious except, well, except for the lowest of the low scum of the earth, who took time to at least stop and help the man, got him patched up and then took him to a hostel where he could rehab; actually paid in advance and told the innkeeper, if it wasn’t enough, he’d settle up with him the next time he came back into town. . .
What’s not to like?
Well, here’s something that the Social Scientists don’t have to Electrode you up for:
ANYONE CAN DO THAT–
Be a Good Samaritan–
O N C E . . .
but what about a thousand and O N C E times
or a Billion,
a Ga-Zillion and O N C E times?
Who would have thought that
C O N S I S T E N T L Y
being Kind and Generous
would be the key components for a long-lasting-happily-ever-after relationship?
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm of the D A Y:
Maybe if we
T H O U G H T
l e s s
and practiced
Kindness and Generosity
more. . .
Well,
you do the research:
Resource:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/what-makes-marriage-work
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/
S T O P
Don’t do anything for at least the next three minutes
or however long it’ll take you to scroll through this post. . .
Q U E S T I O N :
When is I T ?
When did IT
WHEN WILL IT
first come to you this year?
When W I L L
I T L E A V E?
First present?
Last Present?
Somewhere in between parties or when you hit the pillow after some chaotic days?
Or has it already G O N E
before it has actually C O M E
I am a firm
K N O W ‘ E R
that Christmas,
or any other special holiday/event
doesn’t so much come on a day or for a Season,
b u t i n
M O M E N T S
Last year. . .
I’ve already had a varied assortment of
M O M E N T S
over these past few days and weeks. . .
I bet you have, too. . .
I was at Costco shortly after Labor Day
and way before Halloween
and there were already Christmas Trees and lawn decorations
adoring the place
accompanied with Christmas Carols. . .
T R U T H:
I think it starts with the
CHRISTMAS IN JULY
please-come-out-and-save-my-business-before-Christmas-gets-here-in-5-months-sales
We always have a way of celebrating many Christmases during the holidays. . .
and before and afterwards. . .
Any M O M E N T S, y e t ?
A Bell-Ringer outside of a grocery story proclaiming I must be a minister not because of my suit, tie, overcoat, but because I actually looked him in the eye and wished him a ‘Merry Christmas’ when I put a donation in his red kettle:
A M O M E N T
Standing in Starbucks on Cyber Monday and the guy in front of me, telling the Barista that he was going to buy our drinks for the morning:
A M O M E N T
Conducting the Memorial service of a man I’d never met and assuring the small gathering of people that, “You haven’t heard the last of Steve,” and before I finished saying his name a flower pot dropping loudly to the floor from the side of his casket:
A M O M E N T
Seeing an awesome performance of The Messiah and during the warm-up the magic of the music
began a wave that became a tsunami of emotion;
it was like I saved a year full of tears
and numerous times during the performance they had
no problem flowing:
A M O M E N T
Walking into the Atrium of an Inpatient Unit and having four people pointing at me; when I walked up to them they turned their cell phone around showing me a picture of myself after they had just googled me to find me for possibly conducting the memorial service of their actively dying mother:
A M O M E N T
Seeing my grandchildren from the littlest
(the two year olds)
to the oldest,
(our 16 year old)
continuing to grow right before our eyes
and yet remain very child-like at the same time:
A M O M E N T
Waking up in the middle of the night and noticing that your holding a hand that’s clutching yours:
A M O M E N T
A song that comes on from your Shuffled Playlist at the exact time you really need to hear it but didn’t know that you did:
A M O M E N T
A phone call. . .
a Text. . .
a letter. . .
a chance meeting. . .
A L L M O M E N T S. . .
It’s NOT if
M O M E N T S
ever occur
as really if they ever
C E A S E ?
Maybe the specialness of this Season
is just reserved to those who are actually
L O O K I N G for those M O M E N TS ?
When is it?
What MOMENT does IT first come or
has it ?
Is IT still there or does it lay discarded. . .
cast aside like some soon to be useless wrapping paper?
We know, long ago as it has been told us,
“MARY KEPT THESE THINGS IN HER HEART. . .”
In his Classic, THE OTHER WISE MAN, Henry van Dyke said,
“ARE YOU WILLING TO BELIEVE THAT LOVE IS THE STRONGEST THING IN THE WORLD–STRONGER THAN HATE, STRONGER THAN DEATH–AND THAT THE BLESSED LIFE WHICH BEGAN IN BETHLEHEM…(ALL THOSE) YEARS AGO IS THE IMAGE AND BRIGHTNESS OF ETERNAL LOVE?
THEN. . .THEN YOU CAN KEEP CHRISTMAS, AND IF YOU KEEP IT FOR A DAY, WHY. . .WHY NOT ALWAYS?”
It’s all about M O M E N T S. . .
a n d ,
and just when isn’t there ONE?
Maybe it’s not about MOMENTS at all. . .
Maybe it’s not about Noticing MOMENTS. . .
Maybe it’s about just
C R E A T I N G T H E M !
C H R I S T M A S ‘e d. . .
If you’re going to be TENSE—
why not BE the PRESENT ONE . . . ?
Here’s to your
M O M E N T
and the many more to follow. . .
M O M E N T S :
They’re to be Made. . .
They’re to be Shared. . .
They’re to be enjoyed. . .
They’re to be NOTICED!
THEY’RE TO BE LIVED AGAIN
AND AGAIN
AND AGAIN
A N D . . .
Had any
M O M E N T S
lately?
They are like puzzle pieces
spread across a table top
begging to be put together. . .
The problem?
We most likely miss many more
than we notice. . .
and those might just be the most special ones of all
because it’s not always what we notice
but what we don’t recognize
that matters most!
Hit the
PAUSE BUTTON
it’s not a matter of it all coming to you
as you just seeing
that it’s already been here
and never leaves. . .
even if you never arrive
even if you have long left
IT
. . .Get Christmas’ed
and give a little of it. . .
The MOMENTS
you give
just might be the most
important MOMENTS
of all
and then maybe the greatest
D I S C O V E R Y
of all will be
u n w r a p p e d
m a y b e
. . .m a y b e
it really is up to you
and that might be the best news of all. . .
Well. . .
Is it better to GIVE
than it is to
RECEIVE. . .
IT DEPENDS—
DOESN’T IT. . .
I learned a long time ago
I’m not a really good
G E T T E R
I don’t receive well. . .
not even Compliments
but in case you needed any
here’s some inspiration. . .
o k
at least
some information:
The scientific evidence that generosity is good for us has been scant, even as the benefits of selfishness are obvious. Recently, however, a neurological study published in Nature Communications found there may be some biological truth to the maxim after all. The study showed that generosity changed the activity in people’s brains in ways that increase feelings of happiness, even if the generous act is small or only imagined.
Scientists at the University of Zurich and elsewhere began by recruiting 50 men and women and asking them to complete questionnaires about their current mood. They then were given 25 Swiss francs (about $25) once a week for the next month. Half of the 50 were asked to spend this on themselves. The other half were instructed to choose a new recipient each week on whom to spend the money. In other words, half the volunteers agreed to be selfish and the other half to be generous.
At the beginning of the study, participants slid into an M.R.I. machine with a computer screen that flashed hypothetical scenarios involving monetary gifts to a loved one at a personal cost. The M.R.I. recorded their brain activity as volunteers decided how they would react to each situation.
Afterward, the researchers again asked participants about their mood, especially happiness, and compared the results with the responses on the initial survey. Those who agreed to give away money reported feeling significantly happier than those who planned to spend it on themselves. They also made more generous choices during the M.R.I. testing, agreeing to more scenarios that came at a personal cost. And their brains worked differently, too. When the study subjects who had pledged to spend money made generous picks, the M.R.I. scans showed greater activity in a portion of the brain, the temporo-parietal junction, associated with altruism. And that portion of their brains was also showing greater functional connectivity, communicating more readily with another part of the brain, the ventral striatum, known as the brain’s reward center.
In effect, the pledge to be generous primed people to be more giving. There are probably evolutionary undercurrents to this process, says Thorsten Kahnt, who was a postdoctoral fellow at the University of Zurich and co-author of the study and is now an assistant professor of neurology at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago. Our early ancestors might not have been so eager to share food and labor with one another, he suggests, if those actions didn’t entail some reward — including the potent, if abstract, reward of happiness.
In the month following the M.R.I. study, researchers provided the promised cash to each volunteer and checked in about its dispersal. For the most part, the volunteers who had agreed to give the money away did. Though the experiment lasted only a short time and involved only simulated gains and losses, Kahnt says that “it does show a mechanistic linkage in the brain between doing something nice for someone and feeling better about yourself.”
Here’s a suggestion:
Use yourself as the ultimate
Scientific Lab;
be your own lab rat. . .
E X P E R I M E N T
for just the next 26 days:
(That’s right, just till the end of 2018)
G I V E
without any expectation of anything in return
G I V E
anonymously
G I V E
freely
G I V E
without any strings, threads, ropes, cables attached
G I V E
without ands, buts, ifs, unlesses, excepts, or’s, untils
G I V E
u n c o n d i t i o n a l l y
G I V E
uhhhhhhhhhhhhh. . .
after all. . .
T i s t h e S e a s o n !
and more. . .
it could be
l i f e c h a n g i n g
for
y o u
for
a n o t h e r
f o r
a n
e v e r
(uhhhhhhh, that’s way past a SEASON)
Simply be the Caring Catalyst
Y O U A R E
My family hates it,
mostly because it’s an obsession of mine.
It happens every time we get back from vacation
or a family reunion or any big event
. . .I CAN’T LET IT GO!
When we come back from vacation I ask questions like,
“Hey, do you remember what we were doing exactly this time last week or three weeks ago or even,
THIS TIME LAST YEAR?”
Drives’em crazy.
It’s late.
All are asleep.
I just finished watching parts of the third of three football games. . .
we did more traveling today
than a gaggle of Turkey’s
P R E-T H A N K S G I V I N G;
I can’t tell you how many times
I’ve walked back into the kitchen after the big dinner,
the table was cleared,
dishes done. . .
Thank God the refrigerator door
doesn’t have an automatic lock on it after a certain amount of accessing times. . .
My pants are tight (yeah, even these sweat pants) and my heart is even fuller. . .
I R E – M E M B E R. . .
constantly putting back together the pieces of my life
and those that have
t h a n k f u l l y
intermeshed their fabric into my Tapestry. . .
Is I T O v e r ?
I think not. . .
This won’t be the first time you’ll see something like this here. . .
I am always reaching back and bringing it all forth again;
I think the r e a l Thanksgiving isn’t on the day with all of the parades,
football,
repeated eating fests—-
it’s the DAYS After. . .
EVERYONE is Thankful on THAT day!
But it’s the days following where the
T H A N K F U L M E T E R
might find its truest test. . .
What then?
Get your Thanksgiving ON
the days following when Time blurs on to the next Holiday;
Seriously, are we less thankful the days following?
Do we have to reach back to actually RE-MEMBER
or is it, truly, not just a day, or a season–
Dare it actually be a Lifestyle?
Well. . .
it’s what I ponder
as I finish that last lonely piece of pie—
it was begging for it!
Hmmmmmmmmmmm. . .
I just can’t let it go. . .
I’m thinking
I’m thanking
I’m THINKING
I’M THANKING. . .
that could be a Great thing. . .
A Very Great, Tasty,
FULL – FILLING THING. . .
Y o u ?
As much as you JUST
celebrated THANKSGIVING
. . .and even though your Stomach might still be full,
I hope your heart is EMPTY enough to
truly continue this Season of
T H A N K S G E T T I N G
. . .may it be way better than you have planned
or i m a g i n e d
Getty Images
It’s just a feeling, right?
G R A T I T U D E. . .
Here are some surprising benefits of practicing gratitude:
Research from Northeastern University has found that people who felt grateful for little, everyday things were more patient and better able to make sensible decisions, compared to those who didn’t feel very gracious on a day-to-day basis. When 105 undergraduate students were asked to choose between receiving a small amount of money immediately or a larger sum at some point in the future, for example, the students who had shown more gratitude in earlier experiments were able to hold out for more cash.
According to a study in the Journal of Theoretical Social Psychology, feeling grateful toward your partner — and vice versa — can improve numerous aspects of your relationship, including feelings of connectedness and overall satisfaction as a couple. “Having a partner that’s grateful for you or you being grateful for the other” can both help your love life, says Emma Seppälä, a happiness researcher at Stanford and Yale Universities and author of The Happiness Track. (Seppälä wasn’t involved with the research.)
In a study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, researchers asked people to rate their levels of gratitude, physical health and psychological health, as well as how likely they were to do wellbeing-boosting behaviors like exercise, healthy eating and going to the doctor. They found positive correlations between gratitude and each of these behaviors, suggesting that giving thanks helps people appreciate and care for their bodies.
“Count blessings, not sheep,” Seppälä says. Research in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research has found that feeling grateful helps people sleep better and longer. That’s likely because “you have more positive thoughts before you go to sleep,” says Seppälä (who wasn’t involved in the study), which may soothe the nervous system. If you’re going to make a daily gratitude list, Seppälä recommends writing it before bed.
“Gratitude replenishes willpower,” says Susan Peirce Thompson, a cognitive scientist who specializes in the psychology of eating. The concept is similar to the Northeastern research that found a connection between gratitude and patience: Thompson says cultivating feelings of gratitude can boost your impulse control, helping you slow down and make better decisions. If you find yourself taking slice after slice of pumpkin pie, for example, Thompson recommends excusing yourself from the table to jot down a quick list of things you’re grateful for, which can help you clear your mind and reset.Gratitude can help ease depression
Thompson, the cognitive scientist, says experiments have shown that people whole partake in the “three good things” exercise — which, as the name suggests, prompts people to think of three good moments or things that happened that day — see considerable improvements in depression and overall happiness, sometimes in as little as a couple weeks. “If there were a drug that did that, whoever patented that drug would be rich,” Thompson says. “Gratitude is very powerful.”
Lots of things, from a compliment to a sugary treat, can bring little bursts of happiness. But instant gratification also goes away quickly, Seppälä explains, which leaves you craving more. “Gratitude is something that leads to much more sustainable forms of happiness, because it’s not based in that immediate gratification; it’s a frame of mind,” she says. If you regularly take time to express gratitude and thankfulness, you’re likely to see results.
TAKEAWAY:
Gratitude
isn’t a thing
a day
a season
a feeling
a situation
a ripple that merely becomes a harmless wave
. . .it’s what’s caused in us
that we can cause in another
an endless billow that just doesn’t reach shores
B U T R O C K S B O A T S
Well. . .
Would you. . .
C O U L D Y O U
win the LAST BROWNIE ?
I love this clip from Notting Hill
courtesy from Wing Clips
at the beginning of the week of
T H A N K S G I V I N G
It’s an amazing scene, isn’t it?
Each guest sitting around the table trying to vie
for the last-very-much-wanted-Brownie
by telling their own personal tale of woe–
the very saddest of which
w i n s
The Brownie. . .
So what’s Y O U R Story. . . ?
Would you focus on
your lack of income
your lack of good looks
your lack of incredible health
your lack of physical mobility or skills
your lack of a great relationship
your lack of professional standing
your lack of awareness of just how good you actually do
H A V E I T ?
Even on a Thanksgiving Week
it’s sad isn’t it,
that so much of our lives are consumed with thinking
about what we Lack in LIFE
than all of the things we have overwhelming been blessed?
S O M E T I M E S
it actually takes a traumatic experience
or at least
a severely rugged turn of events
to make the mundane blessings
we usually take for granted. . .
e x t r a o r d i n a r y
Like the familiar old adage:
YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU’VE GOT, TILL IT’S GONE
So here’s the ultimate
T H A N K S G I V I N G D A R E :
Turn in
Y O U R B R O W N I E. . .
turn it in
for the Pumpkin Pie—
The O N E
You G I V E
with all of the trimmings
not optional–
ever again—
b u t
S T A N D A R D
with the more-than-usual exception
that’ll you’ll exceed
e x p e c t a t i o n s
for everyone else’s sake. . .
Y U M !
Go ahead–
Dish up another Serving. . .
O U T t h a n k
everyone you know. . .
don’t even make it
c l o s e !
I never served in the Armed Services. . .
BUT I WILL BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF THOSE WHO DID
ON OUR BEHALF’S
IT IS NOT
just another day. . .
There is
NOT ANOTHER DAY
or even this one
without the sacrifices of the many
NAMED
UN-NAMED
KNOWN
UNKNOWN
Soldiers. . .
THREE THINGS ON THIS VETERANS DAY:
1) Pause and watch the small film clip–Remembering to be grateful
2) THANK a Veteran. They’ve heard many words but the two they’ll never hear enough are
THANK YOU!
3) Do one Compassionate/Kind thing today–the more anonymous the better. Any act of Compassionate Kindness is gesture to an everlasting Peace the World so desperately needs.
BE THAT PERSON
that Brings Peace where you are–
in your own geographical area–
no more,
P L E A S E. . .
NO LESS!
YOU are the Peace Treaty that needs
SIGNED
SEALED
Delivered
Y E S T E R D A Y.
Let the World wait no longer.
AT—-TEN—TION!
Fall Out. . .
I have shown this dozens of times in several different settings and it always seems to begin conversations and foster even deeper thoughts and feelings. . .
After last week’s series of pipe bomb mails,
Grocery Store
Synagogue Shootings
and a unplanned, profound discussion with friend about
G E T T I N G I T
I’ve repeatedly had just
One Question?
What Props are you holding on to that keep you being truly
freely
being
y o u. . .
Well. . .
?
You can be an absolute expert within the field of finding happiness and still need a little help yourself.
“We have the same problems as our patients,” said David D. Burns, a clinical psychiatrist and author of bestselling psychology book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. And sometimes that means dealing with negative thoughts, anxiety and bad moods.
So what does a therapist — usually the advice-giver when it comes to these types of problems — do when they’re in a funk? I loved falling across this HuffPost article who chatted with Burns and a few other experts to get their tips. Here are some of their go-to moves when they need to feel happy ASAP, as well as their advice on how you can steal them for yourself:
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by a task, chore, conflict, to-do list ― and it’s totally sabotaging your mood ― try tackling just a small piece of it, Burns said. “The thing I choose to do has to be something I can complete in about 30 seconds, that way I can’t give myself any excuses to procrastinate,” he explained.
For example, Burns said that day he was feeling particularly overwhelmed by piles of paperwork on his desk, so he put his method into practice immediately. He took 30 seconds — all while on a call — to put a few pieces of paper together, staple them and file those papers properly in his file cabinet.
It’s ridiculously simple, but Burns said he felt a marked improvement in his mood immediately. “You feel a little bit of a boost every time you do this,” he said.
(I AM THE MOST UN-ORGANIZED ORGANIZED GUY I KNOW; I AM POWERFULLY PRODUCTIVE UNDER THE GUN AND AM IN CONSTANT COMPETITION WITH MYSELF; SO I PLAY THE GAME OF DOING JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE A LITTLE BIT LONGER AND A LITTLE BIT BETTER: WIN!)
This tip is the oldest trick in the book for a reason. According to Habib Sadeghi, a holistic health expert and author of The Clarity Cleanse, taking a few large breaths can activate your parasympathetic nervous system, a part of your overall nervous system that’s responsible for lowering your heart rate and blood pressure. Taking a few deep breaths is also “a way to get out of the head and into the body,” Sadeghi said.
Sadeghi added that a deep-breathing exercise can be a small, easy way to slow down and change “how we think and feel.”
To try it yourself, start with a forceful exhale to clear some of the air from your lungs. Hold this for a second or two, then inhale deeply, allowing your abdomen to expand. Count to seven as you inhale, then hold your breath for about the same amount of time. Then exhale slowly for about 14 seconds or so. Repeat this for about 10 cycles, preferably on the edge of a chair with your eyes closed.
(WE NEVER THINK ABOUT BREATHING; SO THINK ABOUT IT. THE AVERAGE PERSON TAKES ANYWHERE FROM 17,280 TO 23,040 BREATHS A DAY. JUST THINK ABOUT 40 OF THEM ON PURPOSE)
LET YOURSELF FEEL BAD
It might be tempting to squash your terrible mood by suppressing that negativity, but you’re actually not doing yourself any favors. Instead, experts tell their patients ― and themselves ― to let themselves feel whatever emotions that pop up.
“Don’t tell your feelings to shut up. Instead, ask ‘what’s up?’” said Heidi Ligouri, a licensed counselor and motivational speaker. She added that ignoring a feeling can often make a situation worse.
Taking the time to process feelings can also help you get into a happier mindset more easily. There’s no reason to feel bad about feeling bad, said Kathleen Dahlen deVos, a psychotherapist based in San Francisco. She calls accepting negative feelings “emotional fluency,” which means experiencing your emotions “without judgment or attachment.” This allows you to learn from them, use them or move on from them more easily, Dahlen deVos said.
(SOMETIMES MONDAY FEELS LIKE A MONDAY; HUG THAT PORCUPINE AND REMIND YOURSELF THAT MONDAY IS ‘J U S T’ A DAY NOT ALL SEVEN; TUESDAY IS COMING AND SO IS THE WEEKEND!)
Self-criticism comes easily for most people, especially when they’re in a terrible mood. So, once you’ve acknowledged you’re feeling crummy, counter that with a little emotional TLC.
“We tend to be so brutal on ourselves. Not only are we telling ourselves not to feel, but when we see a feeling we judge ourselves,” for having it, said Ligouri. “Once you see the [negative] feeling … practice self-compassion.”
If your bad mood is caused by a mistake, or if you’re thinking negatively about yourself, interrupt that stream of consciousness by picking out one thing you like about yourself. For example, maybe you prioritize hanging out with your sister, or you’re a team player at work, or you volunteer every month. Just something that gives yourself credit for your attributes. It sounds like a corny exercise, but it might just work.
“Developing a practice of mindful self-compassion has been hugely supportive in helping me to live a happier, healthier, and more joyful life,” Dahlen deVos said. “Self-compassion, in essence, is the recognition that no matter what is happening in our lives, we are innately worthy, lovable and connected to all of humanity.”
Still need some convincing that this technique isn’t bogus? Research shows that this practice also can help protect you from anxiety depression.
(MY GREATEST SELF TALK GO TO: I BELIEVE I AM THE BEST THERE IS; I BELIEVE IT WITH ALL OF MY HEART; B U T I ‘ K N O W’ IT’S NOT TRUE WHICH IS WHY EVERY DAY I JUST DON’T SEE MY FLAWS, I AM SEVERELY MOTIVATED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT)
Let’s say you showed up 20 minutes late to a meeting and halfway through your important presentation, you noticed you had a massive coffee stain on your shirt. You get through the meeting, but you’re angry about the circumstances afterward. In this situation, Ligouri said she figures out her next step by asking herself what she needed.
“Ask yourself: Do I want to keep rolling around in upset? Do I want to create or recreate a commitment to living a happy healthy life? Do I just need a nap? Do I want to reach out to a friend?” Ligouri said. In other words, figure out what to do next ― even if it’s just a simple task ― and then commit to doing it.
(SECRET WEAPON: M O T I O N–VERB IT UP! IT’S ALL ABOUT BEING IN MOTION/ACTING/DOING– EVEN IF IT’S IN YOUR HEAD)
Maybe not literally, but at the very least get outdoors. Each expert said they rely heavily on this activity as a way to improve mood.
“I make it a point to get fresh air and incorporate movement into every day,” Dahlen deVos said. “Sometimes this means a yoga or fitness class, but often it’s just a morning hike with my pup or an afternoon walk around the neighborhood during a free hour.” Her secret weapon? Doing this phone-free.
Aman also said long walks, in particular, are her go-to move when it comes to increasing her happiness. “I take a long walk in the woods,” she said. “The research on this is unmistakable. It’s good for the mind, body, and soul.”
You also get the added benefit of exercise, which is its own mood booster, Sadeghi said.
“Exercise is really one of the best ways to blow off stress and sadness,” he explained. “Even resistance training, or a rough round of racquetball or tennis — something that requires you to focus intensely on your body, its movements and sensations.”
(I WAS DEVASTATED TO EXPERIENCE THAT I COULD NO LONGER RUN MARATHONS OR EVEN SHORT DISTANCES BUT I CAN SWIM-RUN IN THE POOL AND STILL WALK–THE BEACH–ANY BEACH IS THE BEST; IT HAS IT’S HEALTH BENEFITS BUT I DO IT FOR MY HEAD NOT SO MUCH MY HEART)
Dahlen deVos said she keeps a set of mantras in her back pocket, and recommends the same for her clients. “Develop a self-compassion mantra: an easy-to-memorize set of phrases to repeat when we need a compassion boost, or to create mindfulness of a situation,” she said.
She recommended trying something like this the next time you’re feeling down and out: “I’m having a hard time, but everyone feels this way sometimes. May I be gentle with myself and remember that I’m safe and okay.”
(MY GO TO : “I GOT THIS, BRING IT!”)
Sadeghi said he personally turns to dance as “a great way to expel a lot of pent-up anxiety or depressive energy.”
Using a mix of “upbeat songs that you really love,” give yourself room to literally dance like no one’s watching. “Make your movements random, but deliberate and strong; get your whole body into it,” he said. “Imagine the negative energy flying out of your body through your fingertips as you move around.”
There’s a reason pet owners tend to live longer. Spending time with a dog, cat, or another animal can be profoundly calming and uplifting.
Burns cited time with his sweet rescue kitten Misty as one of his all-time favorite mood-boosters.
“It really teaches me something at a deep level,” he said. “She’s not special, she’s just an abandoned cat. I am not special either! But when we’re together, life becomes special.”
(I’VE TOLD MY DOG AND CATS THINGS I’VE NEVER TOLD ANOTHER LIVING BEING AND THEY’VE NEVER DISAPPOINTED OR NOT LISTENED OR NOT BEEN GLAD TO SEE ME–B A M!)
Psssssssssssssssssst:
Sometime this Clown doesn’t much like Clowning. . .
It, thankfully, never lasts long because of the ultimate secret weapon:
