This video guts me. It filets me in a way that makes me more aware of what I should be aware of and maybe what I shouldn’t be aware of as much.
QUESTIONS, CLASS?
Uhhhhh. . .if it takes a Village
. . .maybe it really takes a
BETTER ONE!
Who Cares - What Matters
This video guts me. It filets me in a way that makes me more aware of what I should be aware of and maybe what I shouldn’t be aware of as much.
Sometimes it feels like we are living in a fruitcake world, doesn’t it? The word on the decorated holiday street is that only about 11% of the population actually LIKE fruitcake. How about you? Do you like it? Has it ever been gifted to you? Is it found on your holiday get together table? Would you go for a slice or a bowl of lima beans?
Sometimes it kind of feels like a fruitcake world. . .
Ahhhhhhh
To be disliked by many
even when a carefully mixed
Sweetness
is offered
makes no matter
for seemingly the batter
which does in fact batter
Served with a smile
even as being rejected
but maybe
in a fresh NOW
at least appreciated
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HOW THE
HO
HO
HO
has already begun
with the same
Q U E S T I O N
every year:
HOW DO YOU SURVIVE THE HOLIDAYS
or dare to
T H R I V E
and actually
enjoy them. . .
The Holidays if You’re a Scrooge
“Just like some people like chocolate and others don’t, some people don’t like the things that are associated with the holidays,” says Dr. Jessica Beachkofsky, a psychiatrist based in Fla. “There might be religious overtones they don’t appreciate. They might not like having to go out and about when it’s cold outside. Some people don’t like the noise—or music—of the holidays, and think it’s gaudy or obnoxious.”
If that sounds familiar, it’s important to focus on things that restore you. That includes the year-round stuff—getting enough sleep and exercise, and going easy on the alcohol—as well as activities that really lift you up. This is the time to get that massage, take yourself to the movies, and surround yourself with your favorite things.
If you’re dreading decking the halls, here are five ways to better cope this holiday season.
Maybe you don’t want to have a silent night—and then another and another. There’s so much focus on togetherness during the holidays that those who don’t have a packed calendar might feel isolated and sad. Be open about it. “Don’t be afraid to say to someone, ‘I’m alone. What are your plans? I don’t have any yet,’” says Dr. Sue Varma, a psychiatrist in New York. Many people will respond by extending an invitation; perhaps the only reason they hadn’t done so already was that they didn’t realize you’d be available or interested.
You can also seek out new friends and things to do via platforms like Meetupand Nextdoor, Varma recommends. Another way to surround yourself with people is to volunteer, even if it’s not something you plan on doing the rest of the year. Sign up to visit residents at a local nursing home, bake cookies for first-responders, adopt a kitten, or serve food at a homeless shelter. You’ll get to socialize, and whoever you’re helping will be grateful for the company—a win-win from any angle.
Lots of people struggle with the holidays because of strained family relationships. Setting boundaries is key, Varma says: Tell your mom that you’ll join her for Christmas or New Year’s, but only one-on-one and not with her new husband you don’t get along with. Or, if you don’t have the capacity to deal with your uncle’s political opinions, let your family know you’ll see him in a large group setting (not seated right next to you at dinner).
Have some lines ready to shut down any unwanted conversations. If someone brings up politics and you don’t want to engage, say, “I’m not here to talk about that, but I would like to talk about this delicious food, or the amazing athletes playing football today,” suggests Marhya Kelsch, a psychotherapist in Calif. or just the Classic: “Come on, it’s all about being together and the holidays not about the elections or rights. . . .”
If you’re nervous your guests will bring up a thorny personal issue, address it directly, immediately after arriving. You might say, “Todd and I broke up. It’s been really hard. I would appreciate if we could not talk about it, because I really want to enjoy being here with all of you,” Beachkofsky suggests. “It sounds scary, but if you say it one time, and if those people are even a little reasonable, they won’t bring up the thing you’re asking them not to talk about.”
Every year, Beachkofsky hears from people who are overcome with grief at the idea of spending the holidays without someone who’s no longer here. Her best advice? “You need to feel the feels,” she says. “If you’re sad and everyone else is happy, you are entitled to that feeling.” One way to cope, Beachkofsky says, is to let a supportive friend or family member know you’re struggling. Ask if you can call them any time you need an ear. Then, you’ll know you have someone to turn to who won’t simply tell you to be merry and have another cookie.
It can also be helpful to find ways of honoring the person—or people—you’re mourning. Did you share a special tradition, like always going to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra together or making popcorn garland for the tree? “Find a way to incorporate that into the season,” says Steffani Wooley, a licensed professional counselor based in Texas. Or make a special ornament or photo collage that reminds you of your loved one. “You could even set a place at the table to remember them,” she says.
Travel can be a logistical nightmare during the busiest time of the year. If you don’t want to fork over the cash for a prime-time plane ticket, or if you’re dreading the crowds and long delays, offer a compromise to your long-distance relatives. “Just say, ‘We’re not celebrating Christmas on December 25—we’re going to do it February 1,’” Varma suggests. Then, you can eliminate a major source of stress—and have something to look forward to throughout the holiday season.
Ongoing inflation is still causing prices for almost everything to spike. If exorbitant costs are stressing you out, take the pressure off. First, tell your family members you need to be more low-key about gifts this year, Varma advises. Those with a big family might draw names and only buy for one person or agree that only the kids will get gifts.
And rejigger your perspective on what makes a good gift. As Varma points out, people love to get homemade treats or other inexpensive but thoughtful offerings—“something as simple as homemade pesto,” she says. If you’re gifting someone who you know values time with you, book a yoga class or plan to cook a special meal together. “There are so many ways to be creative that don’t involve a lot of money,” she says.
I F
T H A N K S G I V I N G
WAS A SONG
. . .It might sound a little like this one
from Ben Rector
with the strong realization
that we’ll all be singing
quite a different song
this Thursday
but
WE WILL BE SINGING
nonetheless
h e n c e
THANKSGIVING
differences and all. . .
N O W
THIS YEAR:
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. . .
Lots to be thankful for in a thankless world, isn’t there?
Maybe if Thanksgiving was a song, it might sound a little like this one from
J J Heller. . .
M O R E
know there’s always
m o r e
and be the reason someone else knows it, too
HAPPY
THANKSGIVING
SO JUST WHAT COLOR IS YOUR FLAG. . . ?
Everyone knows about
RED FLAGS
No one wants to know about
WHITE FLAGS
But maybe it’s the
GREEN FLAGS
we need to be seeking and flying. . .
I recently had this feed from Tashin Rose (no I don’t know her and have never remotely purposely or accidentally followed her) seemingly pop up on my feed and I don’t see those as
FLAGS TO IGNORE. . .
Maybe for just here, just now, you shouldn’t either. . .
What just screams
GREEN FLAGS
about someone?
Is today
T H A T
D A Y
you’ll make a
DIFFERENCE
you’ll be a
DIFFERENCE
you’ll feel a
DIFFERENCE
Being a consistent CARING CATALYST
is a great way to take the
MAYBE
of it all
out of the equation
for you making
for you giving
a great day
for Others
for Yourself. . .
JILL SUTTIE from Greater Good Magazine recently wrote an article that far exceeds our political differences. . .
But. . .when it comes to social and political issues, many Americans feel hostile toward those they disagree with. Unfortunately, those feelings of contempt can affect our ability to cooperate, keeping us from working together on solutions to the big issues of our day—like our economy, climate change, poverty, and racism.
How can we engage with each other with less rancor and hostility and all out hate? According to a new study, we might want to practice a bit more intellectual humility.
In this study, Glen Smith of the University of North Georgia analyzed data from surveys in 2020 (prior to the presidential election) and 2021, where over 1,700 participants reported on how strongly they opposed or supported political issues of the day (making college free, legalizing marijuana, imposing higher tariffs on foreign goods, and abolishing the death penalty). For each issue, the participants were also asked if they thought their views could be wrong, if they might be overlooking evidence that contradicts their position, and if they might change their view if presented with additional evidence or information—all questions related to intellectual humility.
Afterward, the participants also reported how they felt about people who had a different viewpoint from theirs on each topic—meaning, how warmly they felt toward opponents and how smart, honest, moral, and open-minded their opponents were.
After analyzing the results, Smith found that those who held more intellectually humble attitudes on a topic viewed opponents in a more positive light—more warmly and as more smart, honest, moral, and open-minded. In fact, their own intellectual humility was a better predictor of their hostility toward others than their own ideology, political party, political knowledge, or strength of their opinion.
This tendency held true even within an individual. If people held more humble views on a specific topic, they were less likely to dislike or dismiss an opponent in comparison to topics where they held more arrogant views. This suggests intellectual humility can be variable and context-specific, which could be a good thing for reducing political animosity.
“When people hold opinions with humility, they feel less hostility toward those who disagree, while the more people think they know about an issue, the less humble they are and the more hostile they are towards other people,” says Smith.
Why would being humbler affect us like this? Smith says that we tend to assign negative qualities in our minds to people who disagree with us—maybe thinking they’re less educated or have a moral defect—which, in turn, makes us dislike those people. But, when we hold some doubt about the rightness of our beliefs, we’re more open to listening to others without feeling hostile just because they see things differently.
“If I’m humble, there’s an implication there that I might be wrong and you might be right. And, if that’s the case, then why would I hate you? It doesn’t make any sense,” he says.
This finding doesn’t necessarily prove that being humbler causes less animosity. To get at that, Smith did an experiment where he tried to increase people’s humility.
In the experiment, 306 participants were asked to rate the strength of pro and con arguments on whether marijuana should be legalized, while told to ignore how they personally felt about the issue. In some cases, people read just one pro and one con argument; in other cases, they read a third argument in which the author expressed uncertainty about the potential effects of legalizing marijuana—saying they didn’t know enough about it—and, because of that, they were afraid of legalizing it.
Afterward, the participants were asked if the arguments they read changed their opinion. They also reported how humble they were around the topic of legalization and how they felt about people who were making arguments against their own position. Smith found that none of the arguments made a big difference in people’s opinions on the topic. But those who read the humbler argument felt more humility than those who read just the pro and con arguments, even though they rated the humble argument as the least convincing. And, as a result of feeling more humility, they also felt less animosity toward opponents.
“Humility doesn’t have to change your mind on the underlying issue, but being exposed to an expression of humility has an independent effect on how you feel,” says Smith. “It can make you both humbler and more accepting of disagreement.”
Perhaps this means that humility can be cultivated in particular contexts—at least to some extent. Nudging people toward expressing less certainty and more humility around their knowledge of sociopolitical topics might lessen other people’s defensiveness, leading to less hostility and more productive conversations.
Of course, Smith’s results don’t necessarily mean that intellectual humility will always be helpful. When it comes to other, more contentious issues—like climate change or abortion rights—it may be harder to encourage people to reconsider their position or listen to the other side without hostility. Nor do the results imply that politicians and others who benefit from increased polarization will be eager to embrace intellectual humility.
But it does provide some hope. By practicing more humility, we can foster more positive dialogue, at the very least, says Smith, and maybe make a dent in political polarization.
“If you can approach arguments by admitting that you don’t know everything, it’s contagious. Other people start to question how much they know and take a less defensive approach,” he says. “If we can become humbler and accept that people disagree with us for good reasons, we can reduce some of the acrimony.”
DO YOU REMEMBER THIS. . . ?
It came out in 2001 and I remember watching it with my kids and laughing with them and wondering are toys the only things that are
M I S F I T S. . .
Go ahead, watch it again
and catch some of the things you most likely didn’t notice
or maybe just glossed over
OR MAYBE
just didn’t want to see or recognize. . .
It’s odd
This version of
RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSE REINDEER AND THE ISLAND OF MISFIT TOYS
What about the bad guy named Mr. Cuddles, who kidnaps toys so kids will never outgrown them. Or, the blimp, a hippopotamus queen, all with Rudolph thinking about getting a nose job. Rudolph and his friends show up at this misfit island, where they meet a cast of quirky toys, sequestered away in their shame. There’s a CHARLIE-IN-THE-BOX, a bird that swims, and a cowboy who rides an ostrich. And yes, there is a chorus of music that kind of normalizes it like all music tries to do. They real each attribute that, in their own minds, gives them oddball status: There’s a spotted elephant, a choo-choo with square wheels, and a water pistol that shoots jelly. Together, wail about their quirks through song and proclaim, not so proudly,
“We’re all misfits!”
Now here’s the thing, I think this part was suppose to be sad, but I kind of missed the memo when I was watching this. A happy little island of honest misfits sounded like paradise to me. Can you imagine belonging to a community like that? Those who wouldn’t bother hiding THEIR WEIRD?
Wait. . .WHAT. . .
Oh, you’re a bird that swims in water? Well, Yippee! I ride an ostrich! You feel weird about your polka-dot skin? Well, check out my square wheels chugging down an off the track trail!
Seriously, in what universe would this be considered exile? These misfits have found their people! A truer tragedy would be faking perfect, hiding your spots, and trying to conform. The misfit toys have created a hopeful haven, and it’s what I kind of pray to discover; to have for myself and you, others. . .
That by just showing up each day, BOLDLY BROKEN,
your very own island might form or maybe, just maybe
we discover that we’ve never
NOT BEEN A PART OF IT ALL ALONG
All the same. . .
JOIN ME
R E C O G N I Z E
just how
W E I R D L Y
we are so much more alike
THAN NOT. . .
There are many different covers of this song but I like this version because it reminds me what we know, what we know we know, what we’d bet our lives that we know but for the LIFE OF US never act like we know. . .
WE ARE ALL INSTRUMENTS IN THE SYMPHONY OF THIS UNIVERSE
and the WE ARE AT OUR BESTS when we not only play in unison and harmony but when we just merely play together. . .
WE NEED TO BE THE CHORUS we already long have been and need to be now, UNMUTED, UNDILUTED, PURE, UNADULTERATED, UNFILTERINGLY US. . .
The video starts quietly but builds. I love how the singers end the song. ENJOY!
(My sincerest gratitude and appreciation to GALA Choruses.)
Inspired by true events and filled with messages of empathy and hope, Umbrella follows Joseph’s story, a boy who lives in an orphanage and dreams of having a yellow Umbrella. 2021 Oscar® Qualified Animated Short Film. . .
And yet
. . .it seems so much more than a
T H A T
When we stretch just a little
out of our Comfort Zone
or our own too familiar
OrDINarY
we may find
a whole new way of
UMBREALING
. . .sheltering;
If we only recognized
If we only noticed
If we only knew
If we only acted
That we all walk under the same umbrella
Maybe
Just maybe we would
Walk a little slower
Snuggle a little closer
Stay a lot dryer
Keep a lot warmer
Feel so much less lonely
BE SO MUCH BETTER. . .
You have the utmost capacity
to prove the
GREATEST SHELTER
is the
E A C H
to the
O T H E R
( DO IT )
EVEN IF
ESPECIALLY IF
it’s not worth your attention
it’s not worth your watching
it’s at least worth your effort
to specifically be more
K I N D
to
family
friend
foe
foreigner
(and yourself)
No matter what
the Clock
the Calendar
shows. . .