The Caring Catalyst

Who Cares - What Matters

JUST A MOMENT: YOUR DEW(DUE)

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If we were mandated to look at all things, literally to just pause, to take a moment and look at all the things that we miss in just a moment, we not only would be a appalled,  we would be embarrassed by what we don’t see or worse by what we don’t recognize because we are just too busy; we don’t have time or take the time and besides it’s just dew on a small little leaf so what?  Indeed, so why take just a moment for the moment to change you, that you may be changed by it, in just a moment. Not an hour. Not a day. Not a 30 day intensive program; No. just a mere minute moment.       .       .

THE SO WHAT OF DEW
It’s too delicate to even be a drop of rain
It clings to a small stem of tall grass
as if all of life eternal depended
on it never letting go
It withstood the trauma 
of being brushed up against
and worse, The deep wound of 
Being unnoticed 
Still, this small dribble of dew 
invites in a moment of your time
a slice of opportunity to know like it,
You too, may be unnoticed,
but have the power of just a moment
to give Another
A piece of Waiting to just Wonder
A sliver of Stillness
Serenity smidgens
to know that the so what of dew
is really a so what of you. 

G O N E

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THE STORY BEHIND THE SONG “GONE.”

Story written by Jim Chappell November 16, 2009

My girlfriend decided we wanted to get a kitten and raise it. The next day we went over to the local SPCA to look through the orphaned animals and see if maybe we could rescue one. They let us go into the large kennel area where all of the cats were kept, and immediately this small, all white kitten bounded happily over to say hi to us. “What a jolly little soul,” we thought.. This particular cat was so much more full of energy than the others who just listlessly stared out at us. So we decided this little guy was the one and filled out the papers so we could take him home. Lenny, as we decided to call him, turned out to be quite the little bundle of energy! He absolutely loved to play constantly by hopping around on the furniture, playing some odd type of Hide-and-Seek, and whatever else he could get into mischief-wise to keep entertained. Overall he was a great source of joy though and we were glad he had come to live with us. As time went on I noticed that Lenny didn’t seem to be getting much bigger, if at all. Though he was so cute, I couldn’t help but think he should be getting taller at least. So I took him into the vet for a check up just to see how he was doing in general. Come to find out, Lenny had a very rare blood disease that the vet explained was hard to treat successfully. He gave us some pills that were very important to stay regular with and told us we’d just have to see if Lenny responds. During the next month, however, he began getting tired and sleeping a lot more than normal. Soon after that he started to get weak and began walking really slowly and not ever running around like our old Lenny used to do. The vet saw him again and said this was the only treatment for this type of leukemia and that it simply isn’t working out very well. He then decided to tell us “I hate to say this, but you’ll probably lose him at some point in the next month or so. I wish we had other options here, but this is a very serious threat and there’s been a lot of research on it.” “Is he in much pain?” I asked. “Unfortunately, yes it’s very painful for him right now,” he said with genuine sadness. And so our little Lenny kept sleeping more and getting weaker over the next several days back at home. He was even having a lot of trouble walking, period, before long. One evening he stumbled three times trying to get to his food bowl just a few feet away, and I realized this was too much for all of us to bear! I announced that we need to take him and have him put to sleep now. My girlfriend couldn’t bear the idea and cried and fought me on it, until I reassured her there was no good reason to put him or us through this any longer and that we were just putting off the inevitable. It’s heartbreaking and sad and everything else, I told her, but I’m calling the vet. Of course we were both in tears when I dialed the phone. He said he would meet us at the clinic in an hour. He also asked if I could help out some since he would be alone this time of night. I agreed and we drove off with my girlfriend holding him as he slept in the little blanket we wrapped him in. I held Lenny in my arms so the doctor could administer the shot. Right at the moment he was going to take care of it Lenny snapped awake out of his stupor and looked directly and deeply into my eyes. It went right through me; there was a powerful love there, a soul-to-soul communication. I felt him thanking me for rescuing him from the kennel, for the new life we gave him, and for ending his misery now. All of that came from him in that one extended moment. It gave me chills as my love for him also poured out one last time. Then it was over. My girlfriend sobbed as we left with the same little blanket that we came with and Lenny in it. I thanked the doctor and he assured me we did the right thing. We took Lenny home and I dug a grave for him out in the yard where we placed him in his blanket and covered him. I remember looking up at the stars and being so grateful he had come into our lives even if only for a short time. I wrote the song Gone a few days later.

I had the HO-HUM thought when I first read this story, that I had heard rumored way back when I first heard Jim’s song back in the early 1990’s but it’s funny how it takes on new meanings, even after all of these years later when you lose a cat you love, too.

We got Billy and Phylly just short of a couple of years ago. (Named after my mom and dad).

We nicknamed him BBB or BIG BAD BILLY because he was a wild man but he wildly loved, too.  He often wore himself around the back of your neck like a stole and would fall asleep up on your shoulders as you would walk around.  He would go for everyone’s shoulders to say, “LOVE ME” but to show, “I LOVE YOU!”  He was the neighborhood cat and he would visit everyone on our street and gave them Peace and Joy when he’d make them pause to pet him and talk to him.  When he was out doing that a last Saturday he apparently was being kind to a dog who didn’t return the kindness and suffered lots of injuries that two surgeries and Kitty ICU couldn’t aid in his recovery.  So with Erin and I by his side and talking to him, loving on him and letting him know how much he made us happy, we gave him the gift of Peace but absolutely havent’ let him go.         .         .
I WAS HIS HUMAN!  He chose me.  He followed me everywhere like a faithful dog; PEACE for both of us was when, after a busy day of being BBB, he’d park himself up on my lap purring himself to sleep and bringing down my blood pressue faster than any pill or interventions.

He literally would bring paws to pause
Wrapped himself around my ankles
as I hurriedly try to put on my socks
Or lay on each step as I tried to make my way downstairs to get dressed.
To say stop, pause.        .        . don’t be in a hurry, not so much that I would pay attention to him so much I would just slow down; by paying him his attention he paid more than money could purchase.          .          .I’m so glad I never passed up the chance to give and get that love.
He would bring calm to my worry
He would bring rest to my disturbed
He would bring love to my most unlovable parts
Not so much about giving him treats so much as I would give him the opportunity to treat me.              .              .
And he never failed
Yes, there is a special spot in heaven for him
Just like our dogs, Bourbon and Molly and other cats, Mabel, Baby Barbara Speese, The Orange Girl, Nippy-One and Nippy-Two, and Bradley before him
That special spot is called:
M     I     N     E

I believe one day if I have moments to fully reflect as my life is completing, it will be make leaving Here and getting THERE a little bit more gentle and less fearful and like those loved ones who have gone before me, they too, will be there unconditionally waiting to greet me as if I was coming home like so many times before when they couldn’t wait to welcome me.          .          .It makes the hurt of all that I feel with GONE not gone at all

Until that THEN, rest easy my BBB (BEST BUDDY BILLY) and THANK YOU for choosing me; for loving me without conditions or boundaries.  You made me Better!
I love you, Pal
Yep.     .    .I’ll read it even again and be grateful; always grateful for the opportunity to LOVE.      .      .GRIEVE.     .      .LOVE AGAIN.        .          .

JUST A MOMENT: FINDING THE SACRED

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Maybe the question isn’t so much where do you find the sacred, the holy as much as where does it find you? Just where is the isn’t the sacred, or at least, what you call it?  Whatever you find holy, wherever you find sacred, whatever feeds your soul and gives meaning to you, don’t let any label like the sacred or the holy or the religious or the spiritual or the essence or the energy take you away from it.         .           .
WHEN YOU FIND THE SACRED
you feel Peace
WHEN THE SACRED FINDS YOU
you become Peace

DEEP PEACE

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While in office one Christmas, President Reagan was asked what he wanted for Christmas and he stated without pause, “PEACE!”  The reporter followed up with the question, what would you like for Christmas that comes in a box and again, without pause, President Reagan said, “If you can wrap it up in a box, I’ll take it!”

AND YOU.         .          .

What would you like, not so much for Christmas, but NOW.       .       .wrapped in a box of unbundantly untethered?  WHAT DO YOU WANT?

“The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you can hope for. The most you can do is live inside that hope, running down its hallways, touching the walls on both sides”

Barbara Kingsolver
Photography B. Berenika
Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
Whatever brings you
P  E  A  C  E
DO
I  T

And then
let the warm rays of your
DEEP
P E A C E
shine about to others
T               H                  I                 S.       .        .

 

 

S H U S H I N G

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DARE WE BE QUIET.          .           .
DARE WE BE STILL.           .            .

NOW THAT YOU HAVE HEARD/SEEN THE POEM
R          E          A          D
I     T

KEEPING STILL
Pablo Neruda
(Translated from the Spanish by Dan Bellm)

Now we will count to twelve
and let’s keep quiet.

For once on earth
let’s not talk in any language;
let’s stop for one second,
and not move our arms so much.

A moment like that would smell sweet,
no hurry, no engines,
all of us at the same time
in need of rest.

Fishermen in the cold sea
would stop harming whales
and the gatherer of salt
would look at his hurt hands.

Those who prepare green wars,
wars with gas, wars with fire,
victories with no survivors,
would put on clean clothes
and go for a walk with their brothers
out in the shade, doing nothing.

Just don’t confuse what I want
with total inaction;
it’s life and life only;
I’m not talking about death.

If we weren’t so single-minded
about keeping our lives moving
and could maybe do nothing for once
a huge silence might interrupt this sadness
of never understanding ourselves,
of threatening ourselves with death;
perhaps the earth could teach us;
everything would seem dead
and then be alive.

Now I will count up to twelve
and you keep quiet
and I will go.

(My thanks for the poem to Pablo Neruda,
LIKE SO MANY TIMES WHEN POETRY POURS OVER ME.          .          .
IT POURS OUT OF ME IN A NOT SO QUIET SHUSHING:

Shhhhhhhhh
we were told
and often were offended
by this not-so-gentle
SHUTTING UP
but power it is
when we
Self-Shush
Even now
         NOW
Do It
Shhhhhhhh yourself down

Hush Hush yourself
Quiet down
to a Peace that be found
no other way
Let the self-imposed Stillness
SCREAM at you
what you truly need to hear
(FALLING SILENT IS THE GENTLEST FALLING DOWN THERE IS)
NOW
shush yourself

(And have a HAPPY MONDAY in your own ‘shushed’ way)

THE ORANGE PEEL THEORY

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Ok, I’m a little confused here, and now, maybe you are, too.

Does anybody know what the ORANGE PEEL THEORY is?  I mean, I really thought an orange peel, was uhhhhh, you know, AN ORAGNE PEEL?  You?

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!  Thank you for playing, tell them what their consolation gift is, Johnny.            .            .

Does Your Relationship Pass The ‘Orange Peel Theory’ Test?

Here is what the new TikTok trend is all about — and what it might say about your own partner. let us in on an obviously not obvious secret.         .          .

JANINA STEINMETZ VIA GETTY IMAGES

A new thesis regarding relationships has gained popularity all over TikTok in recent weeks.

Dubbed the “orange peel theory,” the idea involves the ability to understand your partner and their feelings; it’s based on their tendency to perform simple tasks for you whether asked to do them or not ― like peeling an orange.

Videos have surfaced all over the social media platform with folks urging their partners to peel oranges for them or, more generally, requesting help with something you’re easily able to do yourself.

“The orange peel theory focuses on the idea that small acts of service are not just about the action itself but about what it represents in the relationship,” said Kate Truitt, a board-certified psychologist and applied neuroscientist. “They signal care, love and commitment, and the repetition of the act enhances the overall health and happiness of the relationship. These gestures, often simple and seemingly mundane, are in fact pivotal in nurturing a loving, supportive and enduring partnership.”

Georgina Sturmer, a registered counselor at the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, said that the trend is really a commentary on “the nuts and bolts of a relationship.”

In fact, many on TikTok have come to celebrate ― or negatively comment on ― romantic relationships based on observations made with the orange peel theory in mind.

Does your significant other peel an orange for you without you having to ask because he or she knows how much the smell of the skin bothers you, for example? Or does he or she complain about your “constant asking” when you do request a favor?

“The idea is that we are all subconsciously seeking signals from our partner to reassure us of their affection,” Sturmer said. “Signals that show us that they have an intimate knowledge of our likes and dislikes, and that they are prepared to go out of their way to make us happy.”

Why Acts Of Service Are Hallmarks Of A Good Relationship

According to Truitt, “regular, positive interactions are fundamental in creating a sense of security, trust and emotional bonding.”

That is all to say: Consistent acts of affection will not only prove that your partner cares for you, but they will also allow you to feel comfortable enough to explore the relationship further and, perhaps, deepen your connection. By demonstrating his or her appreciation for you through seemingly meaningless efforts, your partner will subconsciously give you the green light to feel even more secure in your relationship.

Truitt explained that kind gestures help build a positive emotional atmosphere that then “triggers the release of vital neurotransmitters like oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin.” These chemicals have been shown to reinforce positive feelings and, therefore, emotional connections.

In addition to providing an immediate sense of satisfaction and joy, these acts of kindness work to bolster the “foundations” of a relationship and one’s own sense of self, according to Truitt.

“This might sound obvious, but many of us carry around an inner critic that tells us that we are undeserving of kindness,” she said. “So when our partner offers a kind word, gesture or action, this strengthens the relationship between us, and it also boosts our own confidence and self-esteem.”

Some may contend that sporadic grand gestures may prove one’s love in their own way, perhaps even more than constant, small-scale actions — but the therapists don’t necessarily agree with that.

“Popular culture celebrates the grand gesture, like a proposal at the top of the Empire State Building, a dramatic race through an airport departure lounge,” Sturmer said. “These can be wonderful statements, but, in our everyday existence, the consistent caring interactions tell us that someone cares.”

Examples Of The Orange Peel Theory

Although the orange peel theory is clearly based on a specific action, the concept refers to a larger category of behaviors: everyday acts of tenderness that may not catch your attention immediately but, when put together, offer a pretty clear picture of your relationship status.

Examples of these quotidian efforts, according to Sturmer, include “cleaning dirty boots after a walk outside, collecting your partner at the bus station when it’s raining, refilling the gas in the family car when it’s running low.”

The key, according to the expert, is that the simple gesture goes unannounced and perhaps isn’t directly requested.

“It’s not accompanied with fanfare or an explicit requirement to show your appreciation,” she said.

Other examples may include ordering your partner’s favorite menu item from a restaurant before they can even ask, doing the dishes or bringing the mail in.

Truitt takes it a step further than the actionable aspect of the conversation, mentioning how certain behavioral dispositions fall under the scope of the theory, like active listening, expressions of appreciations, small feats of affection (“holding hands, hugs or a thoughtful note”), support during stress, quality time, consistent check-ins and celebrating successes.

How Can I Bring The Orange Peel Theory Up To My Partner?

It’s important to note that everyone has a different way of showing their appreciation and affection. However, if there is one thing that the orange peel theory has proved, it’s that small, consistent acts of kindness certainly help deliver the message that you care about someone. So how can you make sure that your partner knows this?

According to Truitt, there are a few ways. To start, lead by example.

“Often the best way to encourage behavior is to model it yourself,” she said. “Engage in small acts of kindness towards your partner regularly, which could range from a thoughtful note to a warm embrace, demonstrating the kind of affection and care you value.”

Communication is a big part of the subject as well, but, according to Truitt, it’s important to understand that the goal of any conversation is to enhance the relationship, not to “criticize your partner.”

You should therefore choose the right time and setting to bring the conversation up, focus on the positive aspects of your connection while also being specific about your desires. You might have to “clearly express what small gestures” you’re talking about, Truitt explained. Being direct is always the best course of action.

Don’t forget to also ask your partner’s take on it, Sturmer said. In addition to role-modeling the behavior, she suggested talking about what’s stopping your partner from fulfilling your needs.

“Maybe they’re assuming that you might find him or her doing things for you patronizing,” she said. “They’re worried about annoying you.” The solution? Direct communication.

One more tip: To ease into the conversation, Sturmer said, you might actually want to show your partner the various viral videos. “It gives you a chance to chat about it without making it feel personal.”

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

SERIOUSLY.          .         .
ORANGE YOU GLAD YOU KNOW THIS, NOW?
(so sorry; I couldn’t resist)

CHRISTMAS IS OVER (UNLESS IT ISN’T)

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W            A            I            T.           .           .
W           H           A            T.           .           .

C  H  R  I  S  T  M  A  S
I     S
O          V          E         R

(UNLESS  IT  ISN’T)
THE DECORATIONS
and all of the festivities are down
and safely packed away
and now the memories
safely secured and kept
some 18 days
P  A  S  T
christmas but.           .          .
I’m a firm believer that
Christmas isn’t a day
or a season
or a 12 Day song
so much as a
L  I  F  E  S  T  Y  L  E
and that the greatest
Christmas Moments
don’t come all at once
or on a given
day, season, song, event, occurrence
BUT  ALL  OF  THE  TIME

When I first saw this, I didn’t read the following caption/words; I let it shout everything I was seeing that my ears could no way hear but my heart heard perfectly…

The image above is an Anglican Rosary. It was made by the loving hands and intention of Reverend Rosalind Hughes at
Church of the Epiphany
Episcopal Church of Euclid, Ohio

This Rosary is made from a melted down gun that was safely surrendered through the Church’s Guns to Gardens program.
The wood is from the handle of the gun and the beads are from the metal.
I’m going to pray on this powerful Rosary of transformation, in order to release all my own personal triggers. I’m going to pray on it in order to ask for forgiveness for my own thoughts that are of judgment and attack.

I’m going to pray on it for the children of Cleveland and Gaza and Israel and Ukraine.

I’m going to pray on it for all of us. That we may learn to drop our swords, heal our triggers and find our truest safety by loving and caring for one another.

May you be blessed by loving kindness and mercy during this season of light. And may we all find our way towards uncovering the internal and ever lasting light that shines within us.

Blessed Be We. Love and Blessings to all.

When I read my colleague, my friend’s Mary’s post, I immediately reached out to her and asked her about this beautiful Rosary; I wanted one, and instead of telling me first where she got it, she actually brought me one she also had that had not been gifted to her but now she wanted to Gift to me.         .       .

Ohhh, but wait, CHRISTMAS IS JUST A DAY, A SEASON, A sentiment in a set of songs or carols, uhhh, not THAT DAY, NOT THAT MOMENT; THE GIFT, as it often is was THE GIVER and my, my my, did a get GIFTS from GIVERS who turn out so powerfully to be my most precious GIFTS of all.             .            .
I would like to think that I am not a humble Receiver but a most grateful Beneficiary of some of the most generous-blessed-wrapped-in-flesh-bestowers beyond imagination.

So when the 25th of every month comes around for the next 11 months and I shout out to you:
HAPPY  PRACTICE  CHRISMTAS
I hope it’ll have your Yule log glowing bright
and your Christmas Heart beating strong
And how about one last
GIFT
from this grateful Given

THE SHAPE YOU’RE IN

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Grant Snider over atIncidental Comics

reminds us:“The stories we tell ourselves shape our reality. We may try to box ourselves in, but we’re much more expansive and multifaceted than we think. Maybe if we tried to count our sides, they’d approach infinity—like a circle.”

“Perhaps perfect shapes aren’t the best metaphor for the self. Wouldn’t you rather be beach glass, glimmering in the sun? Or an oddly flat stone, perfect for skipping? Inside we all feel lumpy and irregular. A bit misshapen. And we’re never quite as stable as we pretend to be.”
“May you find your own way to shape your story. To show off your sharp corners and imperfections. To arrange your life in a unique composition. To create a geometric masterpiece.”

(My thanks to Grant Snider.

And Happy Ongoing New Year to YOU!)

WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD

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.          .          .And JUST LIKE THAT
it’s 2024
A NEW YEAR
Whether a new year fills you with excitement or dread (or maybe a mix of both!), the hope is that when you look back on 2023
there are too many wonderful moments to count
which serve has the greatest foundation
for new memories to be
m a d e.     .     .
ALL WAYS Remembering that

which are gentle reminders
between old and new years of

Letting us each know in between all of the Seasons
Past
Present
Prospective
“May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young

May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
And may you stay forever young

May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
May your song always be sung
And may you stay forever young.”
And may you stay forever young.”
Photo in New York, by John Cohen (1962)

Here’s hoping
the New Year exceeds your expectations
and a tad past your
i M a G i N a T i O n

 

HAND IN HAND

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North Royalton Christian Church is a parish I have served since January of 1995 and it has never had any more than 60 members since I’ve been there, in fact, we usually have 25-35 people every Sunday for our 10:00 worship service; we have another 200 that may tune in to watch via FaceBook Live.  It’s small, very small and we usually spend more time drinking coffee and eating in the wonderful goodies folks bring in for Coffee Hour following the worship service.  We may pack in a whopping 45-55 folks if we have a Potluck dinner but we really turn out when it comes to outreach or supporting a cause.  On Christmas morning we’ll take down nearly two hundred pair of new gloves to St Augustine, a saintly place that feeds the homeless and the indigent.  They’ll leave with a full stomach, bags of leftovers and some warm gloves for cold hands.          .          .

My hand shakes
can you still it
My hand is cold
can you warm it
My hand is extended
can you reach it
My hand touches
can you feel it
My hand is empty
can you fill it

A hand in a hand
never leaves it shaking
                           cold
                              unfelt
                              empty

A hand in a hand
a human interwoven tapestry
that completes a single One
to a single Another

Just because a hand is outstretched
doesn’t mean it’s going to be grasped
. . .offer it any
                      ways

or there’s another way to view it:

“Grandma how do you deal with pain?”
“With your hands, dear. When you do it with your mind, the pain hardens even more.”
“With your hands, grandma?”
“Yes, yes. Our hands are the antennas of our Soul. 
When you move them by sewing, cooking, painting, touching the earth or sinking them into the earth, they send signals of caring to the deepest part of you and your Soul calms down. 
This way she doesn’t have to send pain anymore to show it.
“Are hands really that important?”
“Yes my girl. Think of babies: they get to know the world thanks to their touch.
When you look at the hands of older people, they tell more about their lives than any other part of the body.
Everything that is made by hand, so it is said, is made with the heart because it really is like this: hands and heart are connected.
Think of lovers: When their hands touch, they love each other in the most sublime way.”
“My hands grandma… how long since I used them like that!”
“Move them my love, start creating with them and everything in you will move.
The pain will not pass away. But it will be the best masterpiece. And it won’t hurt as much anymore, because you managed to embroider your Essence.”
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Just what are you doing with your hands
.            .            .don’t doubt
Some One could
b        e        n        e        f        i        t
Professional Speaker, Author, Assurance Man