If our Lives are like Books
We no doubt have many
LINES
PARAGRAPHS
PAGES
CHAPTERS
LARGE SECTIONS
we would rip out
So others would never see them
and we just might be able to forget them
b u t
if we could just learn from our mistakes
(especially the ones we make repeatedly)
we just might find
that we have no regrets
but some
MONUMENTAL MEMORIES. . .
JUST BEYOND LOOKING(and actually seeing)
“I SEE YOU!’
‘I AM HERE!’
“For centuries, African Bushmen have greeted each other in this way. When one becomes aware of his brother or sister coming out of the brush, he exclaims, ‘I See You!’ and then the one approaching rejoices, ‘I Am Here!’
“This timeless bearing witness is both simple and profound, and it is telling that much of our modern therapeutic journey is suffered to this end: to have who we are and where we’ve been be seen. For with this simple and direct affirmation, it is possible to claim our own presence, to say, ‘I Am Here.’
“Those people in our lives who have validated our personhood by seeing us and exclaiming so are the foundations of our self-worth. Think of who they are.
“For me, the first to rejoice at my scrambling into the open was my grandmother. If not for her unequivocal love, I might never have the courage to express myself at all. And, after all, isn’t art in all its forms the beautiful trail of our all-too-human attempts to say, again and again, I Am Here.
“It is important to note that being seen enables us to claim our lives, and then it becomes possible to pass the gift on to others. But just as important as bearing witness is the joy with which these Bushmen proclaim what they see. It is the joy of first seeing and first knowing. This is a gift of love.
“In a culture that erases its humanity, that keeps the act of innocence and beginning invisible, we are sorely in need of being seen with joy, so we can proclaim with equal astonishment and innocence that of all the amazing things that could have been or not, We Are Here.
“As far back as we can remember, people of the oldest tribes, unencumbered by civilization, have been rejoicing in being on earth together. Not only can we do this for each other, it is essential.
“For as stars need open space to be seen, as waves need shore to crest, as dew needs grass to soak into, our vitality depends on how we exclaim and rejoice, ‘I See You!’ ‘I Am Here’”
~Mark Nepo from The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have
See. . .
There’s always another way to say it
There’s always another way to hear it
There’s always another way to see it
THERE’S ALWAYS ANOTHER WAY TO BE IT
. . . .Questions, Class?
L I F E and it’s MEANING
Meaning in Your Life
Sounds like a haunting kind of a headline, doesn’t it. . .
BUT
isn’t that what we’re all trying to find
with every turning page in the book of our lives. . .
Struggling to find a sense of meaning in life?
Researchers have identified three different pathways to it
Feeling that your life has meaning is fundamental to the experience of being human, and people who feel this way tend to be healthier and happier. Given the importance that most people place on meaning, how might we cultivate the feeling that life is meaningful?
For most of the 20th century, philosophers, psychologists, and psychiatrists argued that meaning in life is a rare, profound experience, attainable through an active search, deep self-reflection, or some other arduous way of creating meaning in a seemingly meaningless world. But we now know that most people, most of the time, report that their lives feel more meaningful than not. Although actively constructing meaning may be required in some cases—for example, when your world is turned upside down after a traumatic event—cultivating meaning in life may be as simple as detecting the meaning that is already there.
Researchers’ definitions of meaning in life typically incorporate three themes: the belief that your life and contributions matter to others and yourself, the feeling that your life makes sense, and the feeling that you are actively pursuing fulfilling goals. Other research further corroborates the idea that significance (mattering), coherence (making sense), and purpose(orienting toward goals) represent three interrelated facets of, or perhaps direct pathways to, the experience of meaning in life.
Based on those three pathways, here are some relatively simple things you can do to maintain or enhance your experience of meaning in life.
The experience of significance in life
There is great comfort in believing that your life and actions matter in the grand scheme of things. This conviction is referred to as “existential mattering” and is a strong component of the experience of meaning in life. While the concept of existential mattering often evokes images of famous (and infamous) people who have done extraordinary things in their lives—like Mother Theresa, Cesar Chavez, or Bill Gates—many people gain a sense of mattering through avenues more easily traversed.
Research shows that feeling that you have made a positive influence on others is, unsurprisingly, almost always associated with the belief that your life is meaningful. Existential mattering then is often rooted in a sense that you matter to others—from helping strangers in need and providing social support to loved ones, to simply being a reliable friend.
The feeling that your life is significant is related to more than feeling that your actions are influential to others. Significance is augmented when your behaviors, or experiences more broadly, matter to yourself. This aspect of significance is related to psychiatrist Viktor Frankl’s idea of finding beauty and meaning in life through lived experience. For example, the experience of meaningfulness can be found by enjoying riveting musical performances, being in awe of natural beauty, or simply appreciating an authentic interaction with another person.
One way to perceive more significance in your life is to actively seek out intrinsically rewarding experiences, like (re)connecting with nature or people who make it easy to express your true self. Moreover, many cognitive or emotional regulation strategies, such as practicing mindfulness, savoring the positive aspects of situations, cultivating a grateful disposition, or learning to evaluate your experiences more positively, naturally foster the detection of significance in your life experiences.
Although such experiences may lead the self to feel small in the context of vastness, they may also remind us that we belong to that vastness—that we are an indelible part of the wider universe in which we exist.
Sensing coherence
Coherence is the feeling that your life makes sense. For most people, most of the time, understanding life isn’t a problem requiring a solution. We are natural sense makers, automatically comprehending most situations effortlessly. In fact, a likely reason we don’t think about meaning in life too much is that our lives simply feel right (that is, things simply make sense). Our lives are embedded in a natural world characterized by regularities—sunrises and sunsets. We overlay these regularities with our own routines—morning coffee or an evening walk. The regularities of life provide the rhythms that undergird the feeling that life is meaningful.
Of course, life does not always make sense. For example, you may feel a sense of incomprehensibility after experiencing trauma or, counterintuitively, trying too hard to understand why your life has meaning.
Of all of the facets of meaning, coherence likely represents a basic psychological need. Similar to the anguish we feel when our need to belong is thwarted, our world seems to fall apart when things suddenly do not make sense. Restoring a sense of coherence during these times can be challenging and often requires feedback and reassurance from others (like a therapist or parent), as well as the mysterious healing power of time to help the mind restore a sense of equanimity. Reconnecting with the natural order of the world, reinstating routines that give structure to life, and finding respite in the arts may help you make sense of life again.
Although the inability to make sense of your life can detract from the experience of meaning, simply making sense of it doesn’t necessarily mean that life will feel meaningful. It is easy, for example, to think of an individual who possesses a cynical belief about how their life has unfolded. This worldview may help the individual make sense of their situation and life more broadly, but it seems unlikely to foster the belief that their life is full of meaning. This example illustrates how meaning is not simply about “connecting the dots” but also finding beauty in the picture that emerges.
Imbuing life with a sense of purpose
“Clear eyes, full hearts (can’t lose)” was the mantra of the Dillon Panthers, the fictitious football team familiar to fans of the popular TV show “Friday Night Lights.” One reason clearing one’s eyes, and subsequently filling one’s heart, is a successful strategy for football players and, perhaps, everyone is that people in this psychological state can pursue their goals with a greater sense of purpose. Feeling a sense of purpose helps us sustain motivation though the thick and thin of everyday life, and purposeful people tend to be more satisfied with their lives and even live longer. Purpose, therefore, is tied to both the quality and quantity of our existence.
One factor that facilitates purposeful action is possessing a clear reason for engaging in whatever you are doing. Knowing the “why” of your actions can infuse even trivial behaviors with value. Nietzsche famously noted that the person “who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” By developing a clear reason for pursuing a goal, the “how” of your goal-directed actions becomes more tolerable (and often more enjoyable) because those actions are now connected with a more long-term objective. For example, although most students would rather socialize with friends than study before an exam, clearly understanding that this minor hedonic sacrifice will help them obtain a rewarding job down the line should make it easier to commit to exam prep.
Even as your nose is firmly “to the grindstone,” clear eyes can be trained on a broader life dream. The overarching reason for existence can be found in “God’s plan” or a life calling, but a sense of the why of behaviors is not limited to such grand experiences. Taking time to reflect on your life dreams—to write the next chapters of your life story—can help to connect everyday life and daily goals to broader aspirations. Instead of wandering aimlessly, having “clear eyes” gives you a sense of direction and the motivation (a full heart) to help you achieve your goals and allow those accomplishments to imbue your life with meaning.
Some reasons for goal pursuit may be better than others, though. A person who feels they should perform a task only because their supervisor asked them to do it is unlikely to enjoy a sense of purpose while performing that work. Instead, purposeful behaviors are by definition pursued for more intrinsic reasons, often related to core aspects of one’s identity. For example, people may volunteer at a homeless shelter for various reasons, but the person who does so because they feel their actions are consistent with an internalized value of helping others in need are more likely to derive a sense of purpose from the experience.
The capacity of meaning to allow us to wake up every morning and do what needs to be done requires that meaning be present even in suffering. And this is where a sense of purpose is powerful. Although all human lives matter, they all also end and, in the grand scheme, may not hold the promise of a place in history, threatening our sense of significance. Similarly, although life very often makes sense, random, senseless events do occur that can destabilize our sense of coherence—from natural disasters to random acts of horrific violence. But purpose may be the facet of meaning that is least dependent on happenstance. No matter the circumstance, purpose—the capacity to invest in goals—is available, promising to imbue life with meaning.
Although it may be common folklore that ardently searching for, and effortfully creating, meaning in life is the primary way to truly experience this sought-after feeling, research suggests that most of the time meaning is actually quite easy to detect. Trying to understand why our life is meaningful may serve a function when life becomes incomprehensible, but ultimately it may never yield a satisfying answer. Meaning is not just found in one place. It is all around us—in our relationships, work, and spiritual and religious beliefs, as well as through the appreciating of life itself.
WHAT MAKES THE HOLY DAYS HIGH
WHAT MAKES THE HOLY DAYS HIGH is
R E C O G N I T I O N
Can we talk about diversity and cultural competency for a minute. . .
OR A FEW DAYS. . .
OR A SEASON. . .
Every Fall there are about 7 million Jewish holidays that Jewish workers have to navigate. Ok, that’s only a slight exaggeration but that’s what it feels like, especially when they are, at times, completely overlooked or just not recognized
Some years they fall on the weekends but others they fall on the weekdays like this year.
And every Fall, without fail, businesses, affinity groups, organizations etc schedule meetings and events on these very important Jewish holy days. For many Jews, scheduling something on Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur is akin to scheduling something for non-Jews on Christmas. It’s pretty discouraging, hurtful and objectionable. In an age of now super-sensitivity to diversity and inclusion, scheduling something on these holy days can even come off as offensive.
So a quick guide to the Jewish holiday season for this year seems to be a very Caring Catalyst KIND of thing to do.
It’s an opportunity for all of us to not only share best wishes for the holidays but take the extra step of rescheduling team meetings, events etc for days that are not Jewish holidays. This will go a long way to making everyone feel included and respected at what is a really busy but very meaningful and important time.
May these Holy Days be made be held even more HIGH with the kindness, openness and recognition we share with each other
H A L T
Dave is a friend of mine from Nacogdoches, Texas. He owns and operates
Galleria Z, a Custom Picture Framing and Artful gifts decor shop. He recently posted the following story:
Most everyone knows this word, but it also functions as an acronym that has some helpful wisdom. A man I’ve gotten to know comes in my shop from time-to-time seeking small jobs to make a little money but now more often just to talk. He has numerous life challenges including mental illness and alcohol dependency. He got sober a couple of months ago and says he’s been going to AA some. He’s also been fighting to find stable/regular employment. Every day is a battle for him. Anyhow, I’ve talked to him about this notable AA acronym. For those who don’t know, it’s meant to advise not to get too Hungry, too Angry, too Lonely, too Tired. This can be good advice for anyone, but for an alcoholic those things can be triggers for a relapse. Anyhow, I gave it to him today when he came in my shop. He was most appreciative and said he would hang it on the wall in his bedroom to help him keep his recovery top-of-mind.
W H Y
As I read Dave’s brief story and saw the H, the A, the L, the T it kind of rang a bell in me that sounded more like a siren on a dark night that promised no sleep; and I didn’t know if all of the sudden the sign was shaking or I was. . .
I won’t give you the statistics or the graphs; I won’t offer up the “You better watch out’s” or “Something’s got to be done’s” because we all know that we are way beyond all of that.
T H I S
is more than just some horrible pandemic. This is a tsunami wave that’s left no one dry and it just keeps washing up on shore after shore forever changing geographical landscapes; gashing out grave sites that look more like grotesquely unhealable wounds instead of serene places of rest. We have all be infected.
Just letters. . .
H
A
L
T
until they take on a deeper meaning
much more than any acronym
may be ever has. . .
MAYBE
it’s a sincere way to live a balanced life:
“. . .It’s meant to advise not to get too Hungry, too Angry, too Lonely, too Tired. This can be good advice for anyone. . .”
For now
I’m not so much inviting you
to bow your head
close your eyes
fold your hands
and bring your voice to a whisper
so much as to
OPEN YOUR EYES
HOLD UP YOUR HEAD
RAISE YOUR HANDS
AND SHOUT OUT:
a m e n
and
A M E N
IN THE END
There always seems to be this line in the sand that signals
THE FINISH LINE
. . .Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
IT DOESN’T EXIST
I recently came across a beautiful poem by Tara Mohr that makes you understand better than any particular Blog Post. . .
It really got my brain cells spinning until this sputtered out:
What I learned most
is that I didn’t learn much
What I learned
I most likely forgot
sometimes instantly
or at least forgot to
Remember
It wasn’t so much
Where are my Keys
Where’d I put my phone
Where’s the remote control for the tv
The big lessons learned
“Don’t worry, it will be ok”
“Be Kind”
“Don’t take things so personally”
“Love is all”
“What matters, Matters”
“One out of One of us dies”
These are the Lessons
I had to take remedial classes
over and again
And having past the Tests
written the Master Thesis
finishing the Doctoral Dissertation
how have I failed
to act as if I’ve never known
anything
to have to learn each of these lessons
once more
with the surprise of the pop quiz
given just for showing up
Damn It
What I have learned most
I didn’t Learn much
I won’t be commanded to repeat
to be held back
The Baccalaureate Ceremony
has already begun
Commencement can’t be altered or stopped
Graduated
To What
To Where
To a Newness
Known
just not fully re-membered
R E M E M B E R
LABORED DAYS
Muhammad Mashali was a doctor who treated Egypt’s poorest citizens completely free of charge for 50 years.
Mashali passed away in 2020 at the age of 76.
He spent 12 hours a day in the clinic and received 30-50 patients a day. Not only did a line of people form in front of his ambulance every day, people would approach him on the street and he would give them medical advice. Dr. Muhammad Mashali never had a car or even a telephone. He walked from home to work.
When a rich man heard about his story, he gave him $20,000, a car and an apartment. But a year later, when his benefactor returned to Egypt, he learned that the doctor had sold his car to help poor patients and bought new medical equipment.
When Muhammad Mashali graduated from Cairo Medical School in 1967, he explained why he wanted to sacrifice himself for the good of others:
“My father sacrificed his life so that I could become a doctor. Then I promised God that I would not take a penny from the poor and live a life of service to people of all cultures and religions.”
BUT LABOR DAY WAS THIS PAST MONDAY. . .
or may be
it’s today
or any day
you wake up
to be
A Caring Catalyst
NOT AGAIN. . .
but
O N C E
M O R E. . .
MAKE YOUR JOB
SOMEONE’S PLEASURE. . .
SPECTACULAR LIFE
Speech by Robin Williams. All footage is from Robin Williams Movies, in this case (It’s from the movie Jack (1996). ——–
You know, as we come to the end of this phase of our life, we find ourselves trying to remember the good times and trying to forget the bad times, and we find ourselves thinking about the future. We start to worry , thinking, “What am I gonna do? Where am I gonna be in ten years?” But I say to you, “Hey, look at me!” Please, don’t worry so much. Because in the end, none of us have very long on this Earth. Life is fleeting. And if you’re ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day… make a wish and think of me. Make your life spectacular. I know I did.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Am I the only one
embarrassingly so
who has to sadly admit again
how I fail
to see just how
S P E C T A C U L A R
L I F E
I S. . .
Maybe it’s not so much
WHAT’LL TAKE FOR ME TO RECOGNIZE
HOW SPECTACULAR LIFE IS
AS MUCH AS JUST NOT FORGETTING
T H A T
i t
i s. . . ?
THE MEN WHO TAKE ME PLACES
I have shared some other Ben Rector songs on this blog post before, maybe the most recent was back around Thanksgiving, literally called the THANKSGIVING SONG. . .but this one, like so many other YouTube videos found me recently even though it was recorded over 6 years ago, but the message. . .THIS MESSAGE
is a truly timeless one that hopefully will allow you to do more than tap your toe or bob your head as you listen way past the message a tune can bring in a lyrical moment. . .h o p e f u l l y
It just might remove a few questions about the
WHY’S
HOW COME’S
WHAT FOR’S
in your heart that’ll let it beat a little easier
as you become a better Caring Catalyst
just by allowing others to make you
S O