Who Cares - What Matters
TWO STRANGERS. . .
WHO WEREN’T
YOU JUST DON’T KNOW
WHEN YOU’RE GOING TO MEET AN
ALLISTER
or a
SAMIR
. . .and worse. . .
MAYBE YOU HAVE
and you just didn’t notice
OR PAID ATTENTION
LOOK AGAIN
S E E
BE
FREE
A CARING CATALYST
YOU’RE NOT
ALWAYS SEEN
AS BEING
(but always becoming)
Sometimes it’s not the
OCEAN’S WAVE
but the think stream of an ongoing
T E A R
running down your face
that’s the saltiest. . .
DOES IT MAKE IT ANY LESS
S A L T I E R
IF IT HAS A MEANING. . . ?
Recent data from the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees shows that the number of refugees seeking asylum has more than doubled in the past 10 years, with an estimated 84 million people displaced from their homes. Many of these refugees have immigrated to new countries where they may struggle to assimilate and learn the language. In some places, refugees and immigrants become the target of hate crimes: In the United States, for example, crimes targeting people of Asian descent jumped 339% in 2021.
How can we improve empathy and increase kindness toward newcomers? That’s the question tackled by a new study published in the journal Emotion. Magdalena Bobowik and her colleagues investigated a particularly overlooked aspect of behavior toward underprivileged groups: the role that tears play in evoking empathic responses.
The study took place in Spain, where Romanians and Moroccans are dominant immigrant groups. Participants (all native-born Spanish undergraduates) were split into three groups, each of which was shown a Romanian man displaying either neutral, sad, or tearful expressions. The results revealed that participants seeing the tearful expression reported more warmth toward the man, but not more discomfort.
In a similar fashion, researchers then asked participants to rate the face of a Moroccan man—but this time with a fourth expression, where the man was displaying happiness by smiling. In this experiment, researchers found that people were more likely to want to approach the man when he was smiling, and when he was shedding tears. However, they rated the man as less competent when he was sad.
A final experiment involved Syrian refugees. They showed participants a man who was introduced as being from either the same Spanish province as the participant, or as an immigrant who had just moved to the country from Syria. This man displayed either a neutral, sad, or tearful expression, like before.
The results? Whether the man was Spanish or Syrian, participants reported increased feelings of warmth toward him when he was crying. Participants were also more willing to approach and donate money when the Syrian man was crying, compared to when he simply looked sad.
Thus, the study suggests that tears from a member of an underprivileged group are able to heavily influence the emotional response of those who may not normally be so sensitive to socially disadvantaged groups in their country. This may be explained by the way in which “emotional tears shift the perception of a person from being a member of another social group to being included in one’s group category (possibly at a higher level of abstraction, as ‘a human’),” as the authors speculate in the paper.
These findings are in line with other studies that show how exposure to a tearful face increases people’s willingness to share resources. This may be due to the fact that tearful faces are rated as more trustworthy than neutral faces with no tears.
It may also be significant that the researchers asked the participants to see one man, not many. “We have an easier time feeling empathy for one person than for large groups of people,” says Diana Concannon, a psychologist and crisis response expert, in a recent interview. This is likely a result of our brains being unable to comprehend numbers above a certain threshold—so, for instance, the difference between 1.1 million and 1.2 million becomes increasingly difficult for us to visualize. Increased exposure to negative events can also contribute to feelings of desensitization.
This is what makes the findings of the study on tears so valuable: because it recognizes that we still retain the power to empathize with those who may be different from us, and that perhaps this effect is strengthened when we focus on one individual at a time.
It seems like the World has given THE WORLD lots of reasons to cry lately, doesn’t it?
WHICH MEANS
IT HAS GIVEN US LOTS OF REASONS TO NOT JUST NOTICE
BUT ACTUALLY FEEL EMPAHTY
AND TO ACT
or. . .
IS THE EVIDENCE BASED DATA
w r o n g
YOU MAY BE THE PROOF
(either way)
It’s one of my favorite reasons to go the the Mall at Christmas
(Preferably on Christmas Eve)
It’s one of my favorite reasons for going to Vegas
It’s one of my favorite reasons for going to the Beach
It’s one of my favorite reasons for going to the Zoo
It’s one of my favorite reasons for going to Concerts or the Movies
It’s one of my favorite reasons to eat out. . .
PEOPLE WATCHING
People watching is much different than
people recognizing
people noticing
E S P E C I A L L Y
if you are out to not just don’t look. . .
BUT TO SEE!
I try paying attention to the people coming and going. . .
It’s a useful exercise. . .
Each one of those people
is dealing with hopes and dreams
and pressures and fears
and struggles and successes
and failures and mistakes
just like you are. . .
Each one is at the centre of his or her own story
and you are just passing through those stories,
on the fringe and for the most part
u n n o t i c e d. . .
GO AHEAD:
Photo by August de Richelieu on Pexels.com
Try it for a few minutes
the next time you are surrounded by lots of people. . .
It helps to put things in perspective. . .
“Some people go through life trying to find out what the world holds for them only to find out too late that it’s what they bring to the world that really counts.“ – Anne of Green Gables
In today’s fast-paced world, that feels more and more like a merry-go-round on a roller coaster got amok, it can be easy to lose sight of what’s important. . .
No, wait. Let’s take that back. 🙂
It’s not really about our world being fast-paced, but maybe as we get older, WE become fast-paced. . . ?
It seems that as a child we intuitively knew the simple things that made life
amazing. . . .
And as adults, it sometimes feel like we have so much to do, so much to be, so much to have. . .
So much so that we need reminders of what it is like to live in a more present, aware, conscious, fulfilling way.
We all need reminders to bring us back to our true selves, and to the miracles present in our lives every single day.
We’ve been often told and most likely been shown, in our World it takes a Village with the subtle reminder that a Village exists in each of us that desperately needs shared/united with the Villages we find in others. . .
UNITE THAT
and you’ll never have to
W O N D E R
about the
W O N D E R S
that make each of us up
that uses the golden strands of
t o u c h
t a s t e
s e e i n g
h e a r i n g
f e e l i n g
l a u g h i n g
l o v i n g
to weave a new tapestry
intermeshing ourselves forever
into the fabric of each other’s lives
never to unravel again. . .
W O N D E R
NEW
WONDERS
Usually that’s an insult isn’t it,
you treat me like a kid
you treat me like a child
you treat me like a little baby. . .
Well when was the last time that somebody treated you like a child.
No. . .no not as an insult
but as a compliment. . .
On my morning walk
a little more than halfway through
I walk through a school zone
and a matter if there’s any traffic coming or not
there’s a school guard
probably about my age
who comes out into the middle of the crosswalk
with her stop sign held high
and stops the traffic for me
so that I can safely cross.
And every time she does it
and she does it every time
I feel like a little kid
in fact, I always tell her thank you
for making me feel like a little boy
all over again
and taking such good care of me. . .
And I like what she usually says back.
“I see that little boy in you and everybody should take the chance of taking care of another person and making them feel like a child again; safe, loved, and secured.”
“You make me feel like a kid; you treat me like a child,”
now takes on a whole other different meaning for me
even as I write this with a smile on my face
. . .it’s still does
Hey, take the opportunity to make somebody feel like a kid again.
Put a smile on their face without a bribe of a lollipop
or a piece of candy
but lollipop and a piece of candy
isn’t it a bad way to make somebody
feel like a kid again, either. . .
Isn’t it nice to know that when we’re walking each other home
there’s someone already there
not only before us
but making sure that the walk
is safe as it could be. . .
kind of makes you feel like a kid again
and if it doesn’t,
it makes you want to feel like one. . .
Throughout history, people have stood on two sides of a fence…
Either they have felt alone and powerless to change their future. They’ve felt that one person just can’t make a difference in the world.
They’ve asked the question, “What can I do?” and answered it with “Nothing. I’m just one.”
Then there’s the people who have believed in the “Power of One…”
People like Mahatma Gandhi, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King Jr., Jesus Christ, Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, and more.
These people have realized that one single person with a vision, purpose, and commitment can in fact start a movement and change the world.
These people asked the question, “What can I do?” and they answered it with actions, words, and the ability to inspire others to join their purpose and mission.
The hope is that this Caring Catalyst inspirational video, “The Power of One,” inspires you to always try and be in that second group of people.
You have the power of one.
You have the power to make a difference. . .
BUT WILL YOU?
I got McNOTICED
yesterday morning
going through the drive through
for my egg McMuffin. . .
as he took my money,
he was staring at me
and then said,
“Sir, you had the funeral service for my grandmother,”
he swallowed hard
and his eyes filled up with tears and then he said,
“You did really, really good. . .thank you.”
We both paused
just short enough for those behind me
to begin McHONKING. . .
I swallowed just as hard
and thanked him for
(literally)
McNOTICING ME!
We both
McLAUGHED
and bid each other a good day. . .
GET McNOTICED
and more. . .
do something to make sure you’re never
McFORGOTTEN!
All good questions that have been pop corning around in our heads for nearly a month now as Covid seems to be subsiding or at least becoming manageable.
The very least I could do as an ongoing becoming a better Caring Catalyst is to share some fo the resources I’ve consulted over these past few weeks to make some sense of what’s happening a half of a world away from most of us. Hence, I wanted to share:
The folks at the Greater Good Science Center, Russia’s invasion of Ukraine is provoking a range of emotions: sadness, anger, fear, and more. We’re reading the news every day and wishing that there were more we could do to help.
As an educational nonprofit, the folks at the Greater Good Science Center, understand the best we can do, perhaps, is to remind ourselves and their readers that peace is always possible, the vast majority of people resist killing, even the most violent primates are capable of change, there are steps we can all take to bridge our differences, and activism can make the world a better place. They’ve gathered articles below to help you understand the roots of peace, war, and reconciliation; get involved in activism; and support your well-being and your children’s—including reminders of human goodness in times of conflict. This is just one humble beggar showing another hungry beggar where he got some much needed sustenance.
If you’d like to find a more direct way to support the people of Ukraine, the Greater Good Science Center editors shared their friends at KQED recommendations who created this excellent list of organizations addressing the human crises that war creates. We hope you’ll consider making a donation to one of them.
Promoting peace and reconciliation
Reminders of human goodness
How political apology and forgiveness works
Resources for well-being and activism
Resources for children’s well-being
LET US WORK TOGETHER
TO BE CARING CATALYSTS ENOUGH
TO NOT JUST WORK TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE
BUT ACTUALLY
BE THE DIFFERENCE NEEDED NOW
Ellen Barry and
Paul Farmer, a physician, anthropologist and humanitarian who gained global acclaim for his work delivering high-quality health care to some of the world’s poorest people, died on Monday on the grounds of a hospital and university he had helped establish in Butaro, Rwanda. He was 62.
The cause was an “acute cardiac event,” according to a statementby Partners in Health, the global public health organization that Dr. Farmer helped found.
Dr. Farmer attracted public renown with “Mountains Beyond Mountains: The Quest of Dr. Paul Farmer, a Man Who Would Cure the World,” a 2003 book by Tracy Kidder that described the extraordinary efforts he would make to care for patients, sometimes walking hours to their homes to ensure they were taking their medication.
He was a practitioner of “social medicine,” arguing there was no point in treating patients for diseases only to send them back into the desperate circumstances that contributed to them in the first place. Illness, he said, has social roots and must be addressed through social structures.
Though he worked in the world of development, he often took a critical view of international aid, preferring to work with local providers and leaders. And he often lived among the people he was treating, moving his family to Rwanda and Haiti for extended periods.
News of Dr. Farmer’s death rippled through the worlds of medicine and public health on Monday.
“There are so many people that are alive because of that man,” Dr. Rochelle P. Walensky, director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, said in a brief interview, adding that she wanted to compose herself before speaking further.
Dr. Anthony S. Fauci, President Biden’s top medical adviser, broke down in tears during an interview, in which he said he and Dr. Farmer had been like “soul brothers.”
In the latter part of his career, Dr. Farmer became a public health luminary; the subject of a 2017 documentary, “Bending the Arc”; and the author of 12 books.
In 2020, when he was awarded the $1 million Berggruen Prize, given annually to an influential thought leader, the chairman of the prize committee said Dr. Farmer had “reshaped our understanding” of “what it means to treat health as a human right and the ethical and political obligations that follow.”
Dr. Farmer, who never settled into the easy life of an elder statesman, was vigorously involved in the response to the Covid-19 pandemic, prodding the Biden administration to drop intellectual property barriers that prevented pharmaceutical companies from sharing their technology.
“It’s not just about health security, in the senses of defending yourself,” he said. “It’s not just about charity, although that’s not so bad. It’s also about pragmatic solidarity with those in need of assistance.”
“When you settle on a problem, devote the resources to it and have at least some ability to incorporate new information, every time, it gets better,” he says. “I don’t have any experience, anywhere, where you just apply yourself, along with others, and then do not see progress. My optimism has pretty honest roots. “Although,” Farmer adds after a brief pause, “I would probably be an optimist even if not.” “I’m going to sound very touchy-feely-ish, but it’s [about] compassion and empathy and fellow feeling,” Farmer says. “You can’t do anything in public health without fellow feeling.”
Paul Edward Farmer Jr. was born on Oct. 26, 1959, in North Adams, Mass. Paul’s mother, Ginny (Rice) Farmer, worked as a supermarket cashier, and his father, Paul Sr., was a salesman and high school math teacher.
When Paul was around 12, his father bought an old bus and fitted it with bunks, converting it into a mobile home. Paul, his parents and his five siblings spent the next few years traveling, mostly in Florida, living for a time on a boat moored on a bayou. He credited this period with giving him “a very compliant GI system,” a knack for sleeping anywhere and an inability to be shy or embarrassed.
After graduating from Duke University, he moved to Haiti, volunteering in Cange, a settlement in the central Artibonite plateau of the country. He arrived toward the end of the dictatorship of Jean-Claude Duvalier, when Haiti’s hospital system was so threadbare that patients had to pay for basic supplies, like medical gloves or a blood transfusion, if they wanted treatment.
In a letter to a friend, he wrote that his stint at the hospital wasn’t turning out as he had expected. “It’s not that I’m unhappy working here,” said the letter, excerpted in Mr. Kidder’s book. “The biggest problem is that the hospital is not for the poor. I’m taken aback. I really am. Everything has to be paid for in advance.”
Dr. Farmer decided to open a different kind of clinic. He returned to the United States to attend Harvard Medical School and earn a degree in anthropology, but he continued to spend much of his time in Cange, returning to Harvard for exams and laboratory work.
Over the years, Dr. Farmer raised millions of dollars for an ever-expanding network of community health facilities. He had a contagious enthusiasm and considerable nerve. When Thomas J. White, who owned a large construction company in Boston, asked to meet him, he insisted that the meeting take place in Haiti.
Mr. White eventually contributed $1 million in seed money to Partners in Health, which Dr. Farmer founded in 1987 along with Ophelia Dahl, whom he had met volunteering in Haiti; a Duke classmate, Todd McCormack; and a Harvard classmate, Dr. Jim Yong Kim.
The clinic in Haiti, at first a single room, grew over the years to a network of 16 medical centers in the country, with a local staff of almost 7,000.
Among them was a teaching hospital in Mirebalais, about 40 miles north of Port-au-Prince, that opened in 2013 and offered chemotherapy drugs, a gleaming new $700,000 CT scanner and three operating rooms with full-time trauma surgeons. There, poor patients with difficult diseases paid a basic fee of around $1.50 a day for treatment, including medication.
Partners in Health also expanded into Rwanda, where Dr. Farmer helped the government restructure the country’s health system, improving health outcomes in areas like infant mortality and the H.I.V. infection rate.
Dr. Farmer died in Butaro, a mountain town on the border of Uganda where he and Partners in Health collaborated with the Rwandan government to build a complex devoted to health and health education. Dr. Farmer had homes in Rwinkwavu, Rwanda; Cange, Haiti; and Miami.
Dr. Farmer also helped develop new public health approaches in Peru, Russia and Lesotho, among other places.
He was particularly proud of the fact that the clinics he helped build were staffed by local doctors and nurses whom he had trained.
Over the years, he kept in touch with many of his patients, as well as their children and grandchildren. He was godfather to more than 100 children, most of them in Haiti, said Laurie Nuell, a close friend and board director at Partners in Health.
Over the weekend, Dr. Farmer sent her a photo of a colorful bouquet of flowers he had put together for one of his terminally ill patients in Rwanda. “Not my best work,” the accompanying text said.
“He had a very tender heart,” she said. “Seeing pain and suffering was very hard for him. It just hurt him. I’m a social worker by training. One thing I learned is about detachment. He wasn’t detached from anyone. That’s the beauty of it.”
CAN ONE PERSON MAKE A DIFFERENCE
CAN ONE PERSON
ACTUALLY BE
A CONTAGIOUS CARING CATALYST. . .
CAN YOU BE
THE CASE IN POINT
OF PROVING IT
(or not)
IT WAS JUST TWO WEEKS AGO. . .
C H R I S T M A S
but it might as well be
TWO YEARS AGO. . .
Seriously,
does it feel like it was just
two weeks?
. . .and more importantly,
IS IT OFFICIALLY OVER?
When Christmas has seemingly been
CURB-SIDED
is it over
When Christmas Isn’t (Over) is it. . .
If you’d think so
If you’d bet on it
then read a real life
Act of Kindness
that took place at Heinens
a local grocery store
A truly vivid-in-color unforgettable act of kindness:
This morning I was grocery shopping at Heinens and as the grocery store clerk was informing me of my total I realized that I had left my debit card in my car. This adorable woman in line behind me comes running up to the credit card machine and offers to use her credit card and let me pay her back via Venmo. Once my transaction is complete, I head back over to her so we can exchange our info and settle up. She wouldn’t let me pay her back and bought my groceries! I was literally speechless and quite emotional. What she didn’t know is tomorrow is the ten year anniversary of me losing my eldest child in an accident and I’m always a little scatter-brained and off this time of year. That I just recently went through a divorce, have had to move, haven’t been able to go back to work so that I can e-learn with my two sweet kids and haven’t seen my family in months. I guess what I’m trying to say is that she could never have known all that I’m going through, and her extreme act of kindness has touched me so deeply and profoundly. I hear of these things happening, but I’ve never been on the receiving end of such a kind gesture. I would love to know who you are to formerly thank you. And seriously…I’ll pay you back! Thank you!!!
Well. . .
Maybe just maybe
CHRISTMAS
isn’t over until you say so
(or worse, SHOW it is)
m a y b e
WHEN CHRISTMAS ISN’T (OVER)
Carols play
Lights Sparkle
Bells Ring
Carolers Sing
Trees Get Decorated
Tinsel Glitters
Cookies Get Baked
Parties Get Partied
Gifts Are Given
Presents Get Opened
Hands Get Held
Kisses Last Longer
Hugs Are Tighter
Snow Is Prettier
Cold is Warmed
When Christmas isn’t (Over)
You Aren’t
When Christmas Isn’t (Over)
Begin And Begin And Begin
is the Refrain to every song
Without a hint of Evergreen
Without a warm glow of Candle Light
To lead you from
A Now
to
For An Ever
When Christmas Isn’t (Over)
BOOK IT
Be the Everliving Proof. . .
((( I wrote this blog post about an unforgettable Act of Kindness last weekend after I saw the blog post on the Secret Bay page way before the the annivisary events that took place at the Capital on 1/6 in 2021. We just observed the unfortunate events that took place a year ago, yesterday. Does it fit? Should I have scrapped the Post and harshly and vehemently denounced what appeared in living vivid color on our televisions/device’s and now what we are being reminded of a year later? Well, I chose to prove one of the points I have literally devoted my life: THAT CHRISTMAS ISN’T (OVER), isn’t a day or a Season so much as a lifestyle and now more than ever needs to be lived and most especially experienced. As a fellow Caring Catalyst, join me; please join me. )))