The Caring Catalyst

Who Cares - What Matters

A WORTHY LIFE

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What. . .

WHAT MAKES A LIFE WORTHY?

This LIFE INSURANCE Commercial

doesn’t want to make me want to buy

L I F E I N S U R A N C E

it makes me want to be a better person. . .

Life Insurance,
no matter what the cost
or the value
has ever bought
L I F E A S S U R A N C E
. . .now, wouldn’t that be
THE POLICY?

What makes a Life Worthy?

It’s not wealth
It’s not prosperity
It’s not life longevity
It’s something so much more simple
A N D
So very much more expensive
SO EXPENSIVE
no bank could ever guarantee any note for it. . .

What makes a Life Worthy
is making another’s life feel WORTHY

What makes a Life Worthy
is living a Life that makes others feel
THEIR WORTH. . .

Simple?
NO
Expensive?
EXTREMELY

Join me

Let’s break that Bank
Bet the Farm
Roll the Dice

L E T S
MAKE THE DIFFERENCE

BROKED .9

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What a License Plate, huh?

We probably all could support
T H A T
Plate
because we are all
B R O K E D
. . .none of us are
U N D E F E A T E D
but all of us
has this
R E S E R V E
that makes us
U N D E F E A T A B L E

Helping the Broked
will get you
B R O K E D
chipped
cracked
sharp-edged
slivered
never-more’d
Perfectly
I M P E R F E C T E D
unmitigatedly
totaled
(almost every time)
9 9. 9% of the Time
but
roll-the-dice-gamble
Go all in
Bet your Farm
And your Neighbor’s
on the
.9%
and until then. . .
from my brokednesss
Let Seep from me
all that is good
that I may
Refill once more

(Change is always good because it often keeps, not so much THINGS, but you, me, US, fresh and alert. For the past couple of weeks I’ve added a poem I’ve written instead of a personal story that illustrates without many words what it means to be a Caring Catalyst. So, what’s the verdict. How can I not only better represent, how can I better share what it means to be a Caring Catalyst? I’m open to suggestions. Currently, I begin the week with a video that illustrates what it means to be a Caring Catalyst and how you might become a better Catalyst. On Wednesday’s blog posting, I usually put in some bit of data based information on the good effects and the how-to’s in becoming a better Caring Catalyst; On Friday, I use a personal story. Poetry was my first love and use of sharing; it was my social media in high school and college and then it was fiction. I’ll be interjecting a new format on Wednesday or Friday that includes THE POWER OF THREE as I share what I’m watching, reading, using and name this segment: BEGGAR BITES that brings home the adage: SHOWING ANOTHER BEGGAR WHERE THIS BEGGAR GOT THE FOOD. Again, I’m looking for you feedback and suggestions that you might find most helpful, educational, inspirational and motivational. In the mean time, I humbly thank you for following and most of all for being a constant source of inspiration and awe. Thank you!)

Cookie Borrowers

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tea-cookies

You’ve done it before,  haven’t you?

Even as an adult,

maybe even more so as an adult,

I’ve kifed my share of cookies when no one was looking

or better, at home.

I’ve got great alibi’s too.       .       .

G    R   A   N   D   K   I   D   S

I can always say,

“I bet the kids stuffed their pockets or book bags with those cookies!”

Or, just the lame,

“Geez, I  don’t  know  what  happened  to  those  cookies.”

So.         .         .what are you?

A  Cookie  Stealer?

A  Cookie  Borrower?

A  Cookie  Sharer?

I love the story,

you probably do to,

or at least, now you will.        .        .

Ben was still a little boy who had no great alibi’s.         .         .

no kids,

no grandkids,

no brothers or sisters.        .        .

Just Ben.       .       .

But, Ben possessed something that most don’t ever have:

An Imagination!

He knew how to use it as well.       .       .

Ben smelled the cookies

baking all the way from his homeroom in school.       .       .

When he got home from school,

the smell was the most sweetest,

best smelling ever.        .        .

Heaven on Earth

is when you get home from school

and the air is more filled

with fresh baked cookies than oxygen,

A             N             D

there’s a note from mom, saying,

“I had to go run some errands I’ll be back very shortly,”

And then in real bold,

Black Permanent Marker letters,

D   O       N   O   T        E   A   T        C   O   O   K   I   E   S !

Uhhhhhhhhhhh, Really?

He’s a boy.       .       .

He’s hungry.       .       .

Cookies are begging him

if he as one single taste bud to

A            T            T            A            C            K

until thoroughly conquered.

He does.       .       .

Mom comes home

and finds the obvious.        .        .

a lack of cookies on the tray

and in the jar,

even though Ben strategically rearranged them

to look as if not one had been broached

let alone eaten.       .       .

Mom’s good.          .          .

r  e  a  l      g   o   o   d

and lays down some

G o d l y    M o t h e r l y

I     N     Q     U     I     S     I     T     I     O     N     I     N     G 

that would buckle the strongest of knees:

“Did   you   eat   any   of   the   cookies   I   told   you   NOT   to   eat?”

“N   o   p   e,”

Ben shoots back over his shoulders.     .     .

“Now, you know God was right here when you stole those cookies, right?”

“Y u p,”

Ben says, wiping the last of the cookie crumb evidence from his mouth.       .       .

“And you know he was looking at you the whole time, right?”

“Y u p,”

“And just what do you think he was trying to tell you?”

“I think he was saying, ‘There’s no one here but the two of us–TAKE TWO!'”

Classic, right?

Classic, except,

we’ve all been caught red handed,

crumbs on the lips,

milk mustachioed,

belly-filled-not-so-little-kids-anymore, huh?

I guess it’s alright to be caught red handed

every once in a while.          .          .

especially if that every once in a while

also includes getting caught red handed

b       o       r       r       o       w       e       r       s

and even more,

s        h        a        r        e        r        s

Bake me up a batch of

T          H          O          S          E

c  o  o  k  i  e  s   and   I   guarantee,

the air won’t just smell sweeter.          .          .

Life itself will suddenly become

i   r   r   e   s   i   s   t   i   b   l   e       t   a   s   t   y

with your hand

in and out of the

C   o   o   k   i   e        J   a   r!

Hey,

Want    a    Cookie–

Why  not  T W O ?

Inspired Compassion

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When   was   the   Last   Time?

He was standing at the off ramp of the highway and a car had stopped and the driver handed him a 12″ Subway.     .     .he immediately ran across a 4 lane street, tore the Subway in half and hand it to another who was standing on the On-Ramp of the highway.       .       .

When   was   the   Last   Time?

An estranged wife lay next to her dying husband who gave her countless reasons not to ever be there with him at that very moment.       .       .

When   was   the   Last   Time?

A Toddler sharing her large pretzel with her father in a crowded food court without ever being asked to give him a bite.       .       .

When   was   the   Last   Time?

A man in a walker holding open the door to a restaurant for a young couple with a baby.       .       .

When  was   the  Last  Time?

A little boy picking and bringing dandelions to a funeral home for his grandmother’s memorial service.       .       .

When  was  the  Last  Time?

A hospice doctor who sat on the floor when he met with a patient so that the patient could look down on him as opposed to the patient looking up to him as he asked,    “How can I serve you?”.       .       .

When  was  the  Last  Time?

Seeing a squirrel on a snowy afternoon dragging a dead squirrel out of the middle of the  road as it dodged traffic.       .       .

When  was  the  Last  Time?

Does  Compassion

S         E         E         N

Inspire  Compassion

T O    B E  ?

When  was  the  last  time

you actually saw an act of Compassion?

Maybe the more pending question:

When  was  the  last  time

you  unknowingly 

provided an act of compassion

to be witnessed.     .     .     ?

Is your Compassion

more of a Verb

Is your Compassion

more of a Noun

Is your Compassion

more of a good idea

Is your Compassion

more of a nice thing

Is your Compassion

more of a thing

to be performed

or

e x p e r i e n c e d.         .          .            ?

Sometimes the greatest

C  O  M  P  A  S  S  I  O  N

there is

Is the Compassion

yet   to   be   seen

d  o  n  e

k   n   o   w   n.     .     .

When

Was

The

Last 

Time

?

Make   a    c r a c k e d 

h e a r t

beat

w  h  o  l  e

BE  COMPASSION

(where compassion hasn’t always been).

 

A BRUTAL COLD

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The FORECASTS

are now becoming

NOW CASTS

and it’s freezing

l i t e r a l l y

with the high being a balmy -1 below zero

NOT COUNTING THE WIND CHILL. . .

and it on the cellular level has huge consequences

that we hopefully will never have to experience

but maybe need to understand any way

Here we are bracing for their coldest temperatures in decades today and the rest of this week with conditions predicted to feel like 50 degrees below zero or colder in areas of the Dakotas, Minnesota and Iowa, . Temperatures in Chicago are also predicted to dip below negative 25 for the first time since the mid-1980s, AccuWeather says.

Health officials have warned residents to stay indoors as much as possible, since the brutal cold in just minutes. But what actually happens to your body in the frigid air? TIME asked Dr. Ronald Furnival, a pediatric emergency physician and a professor at the University of Minnesota Medical School.

Almost as soon as you step outside, your body starts to siphon blood flow away from your extremities to focus on keeping your brain and internal organs warm. That’s why your fingers, toes and ears tend to get cold before your core, Furnival says.

“The blood vessels would start to contract and reduce blood flow” to areas including the face, ears, nose and fingers as a “defense mechanism” against extreme cold, Furnival says.

For most people, at least in the short-term, this adjustment is pretty harmless. But Furnival says people with preexisting heart conditions may be at risk of complications associated with these blood pressure changes, especially if they try to do strenuous outdoor activity like shoveling snow.

After a few minutes

In extreme cold, frostbite — or the freezing of skin and underlying tissues — can start to set in after just five to 15 minutes outside, Furnival says. The process can be especially quick if your skin is wet, or if you’re not properly covered up with hats, gloves and boots, in addition to warm clothing.

“Exposed extremities and digits and things can get frostbite fairly quickly,” Furnival says. “If there’s a strong wind and the weather’s pretty cold and the windchill is pretty low, then it goes a lot faster.” Risk of frostbite intensifies whenever the temperature drops below five degrees Fahrenheit, according to the Mayo Clinic, and becomes especially pronounced when cold and wind cause temperatures to fall below negative 16.6 degrees.

While mild to moderate frostbite can be reversed with warm water and blankets, severe frostbite can lead to permanent or long-lasting damage in the affected area. Signs of frostbite include a prickling feeling, followed by numbness and changes in the skin’s color and appearance. It may turn pale, red or blue, or take on a waxy look, according to the Mayo Clinic.

After 30 minutes

Furnival says signs of hypothermia, or a core body temperature that falls below 95 degrees, can surface after just 30 minutes to an hour in frigid temperatures.

“You start to have some decrease in your central temperature, so you can have some mild hypothermia to moderate hypothermia develop,” Furnival says. “People might start to feel confused and start to slur their words and start to have some neurologic changes. Some of the central core organs might be affected, so they might have problems with rapid heart rate and even worsening of the extremities, if blood flow is further reduced to those extremities.”

Furnival says individuals with preexisting medical conditions and children, who have less insulation, are at particular risk. But everybody, even otherwise healthy adults, should be aware of these dangers and take appropriate precautions, Furnival says.

“Cover up as well as you can with hats and gloves and mittens and boots and warm clothing, and then limit your exposure outside,” he recommends. “It’s okay to go outside, but you have to prepare for it, and you have to be coming in periodically to warm back up.”

Brutal Cold. . .

But is it the worst kind of
C O L D
experienced. . . ?

. . .Maybe the worst
the most
B R U T A L K I N D O F C O L D
comes from us
A L L
W H O H O L D
T H E L I G H T
W H O C O N T A I N S
T H E W A R M T H
and actually refuses to share it
or only shares it
with a
s e l e c t e d f e w

Can it be
T H A T
s i m p l e
o r
T H A T
d i f f i c u l t.          .          .



Maybe with the
C O L D
it’s not so much time to
B U N D L E U P
but a true opportunity to
O P E N U P

TO ALL
FOR ALL
BECAUSE OF ALL




Write to Jamie Ducharme at jamie.ducharme@time.com.

In the End, TWO WORDS:

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I didn’t hear she had been sick

and hearing the news of her death

. . .it made me sick. . .

Her web site

unpoetically

put out the following announcement:

Mary Oliver, beloved poet and bard of the natural world, died on January 17 at home in Hobe Sound, Florida. She was 83.

Oliver published her first book, No Voyage, in London in 1963, at the age of twenty-eight. The author of more than 20 collections, she was cherished by readers, and was the recipient of numerous awards, including the 1984 Pulitzer Prize for American Primitive, and the 1992 National Book Award for New and Selected Poems, Volume One. She led workshops and held residencies at various colleges and universities, including Bennington College, where she held the Catharine Osgood Foster Chair for Distinguished Teaching until 2001. It was her work as an educator that encouraged her to write the guide to verse, A Poetry Handbook (1994), and she went on to publish many works of prose, including the New York Times bestselling essay collection, Upstream (2016). For her final work, Oliver created a personal lifetime collection, selecting poems from throughout her more than fifty-year career. Devotions was published by Penguin Press in 2017.

Her poetry developed in close communion with the landscapes she knew best, the rivers and creeks of her native Ohio, and, after 1964, the ponds, beech forests, and coastline of her chosen hometown, Provincetown. She spent her final years in Florida, a relocation that brought with it the appearance of mangroves. “I could not be a poet without the natural world,” she wrote. “Someone else could. But not me. For me the door to the woods is the door to the temple.” In the words of the late Lucille Clifton, “She uses the natural world to illuminate the whole world.”
In her attention to the smallest of creatures, and the most fleeting of moments, Oliver’s work reveals the human experience at its most expansive and eternal. She lived poetry as a faith and her singular, clear-eyed understanding of verse’s vitality of purpose began in childhood, and continued all her life. “For poems are not words, after all, but fires for the cold, ropes let down to the lost, something as necessary as bread in the pockets of the hungry.”

When Death Comes

When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn;
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;
when death comes
like the measle-pox;

when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth,
tending, as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.

When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.

A Mary Oliver book
is by my bed,
in my study,
in the trunk of my car,
a back pack
an unpacked bag from my last vacation. . .

she’s always been a
go-to
for quick bits of inspiration
and now that words
will no longer flow from her pen
they will continue to float to one lucky person
to another blessed one
who treats themselves to peruse. . .
Maybe the greatest
poetic justice
of all
is not feeling the need to say
GOOD-BYE
so much as
sincerely
everlastingly
whisper
not-so-softly
THANK
YOU
u n l i m i t e d l y

TWO WORDS. . .

j u s t t w o :

T H A N K Y O U

OH, To Be BORED

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Being Bored Can Be Good for You—If You Do It Right. . .

I always think it would be great to be bored. . .

until I have a moment to

D O
N O T H I N G

and then

B A M
Z I P
P R E S T O

I F E E L G U I L T Y

even book in the hand
head on the chest
10 minute-power-napping it

B U T

If you’re waiting for brilliance to strike, try getting bored first. That’s the takeaway of a study published recently in the journal Academy of Management Discoveries, which found that boredom can spark individual productivity and creativity.

Those findings are likely no surprise to Sandi Mann, a senior psychology lecturer at the University of Central Lancashire in the U.K. Mann is the author of The Upside of Downtime: Why Boredom Is Good, and a proponent of embracing the emotion, negative connotations and all.

Here’s why being bored can be a good thing for your mind, imagination and productivity, and how to do it right

Boredom sparks creativity

At its core, boredom is “a search for neural stimulation that isn’t satisfied,” Mann says. “If we can’t find that, our mind will create it.” As demonstrated by the new study and plenty others before it, boredom can enable creativity and problem-solving by allowing the mind to wander and daydream. “There’s no other way of getting that stimulation, so you have to go into your head,” Mann says. You may be surprised by what you come up with when you do

Boredom is good for your mental health

Daydreaming can be “quite a respite” and provide a brief escape from day-to-day life, Mann says. But it’s also beneficial to simply step away from screens, work and other stressors long enough to feel bored. Studies have shown, for example, that modern tools including work emails, social media and dating apps can strain mental health — so taking a break can be a valuable opportunity to recharge.

How to be bored the right way

Mann says it’s important not to conflate boredom with relaxation. A purposefully tranquil activity, such as yoga or meditation, likely doesn’t meet the definition of trying and failing to find stimulation.

It’s also crucial to unplug during this time, Mann says. Our cultural attachment to our phones, she says, is paradoxically both destroying our ability to be bored, and preventing us from ever being truly entertained.

“We’re trying to swipe and scroll the boredom away, but in doing that, we’re actually making ourselves more prone to boredom, because every time we get our phone out we’re not allowing our mind to wander and to solve our own boredom problems,” Mann says, adding that people can become addicted to the constant dopamine hit of new and novel content that phones provide. “Our tolerance for boredom just changes completely, and we need more and more to stop being bored.”

Next time you find yourself in line at the grocery store, in a tedious meeting or killing time in a waiting room, resist the urge to scroll. You’re bound to get bored — and your brain, mood and work performance just might improve. . .

Ohhhhhhhh to be bored

until you have

just a single-solitary-moment
to be even slightly disinterested

and then we do everything we can

even if
especially if
it’s because of our own
self-imposed-guilt

DO IT

FIGHT THE URGE

GET YOUR BOREDOM ON
(just a little)

GIVING IN

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https://youtu.be/CZAz4NCUPck

NO JOKE. . .

Life can kind of get a little difficult
and busy at times. . .

It’s real easy to focus

just on ourselves

and not take time to

s t o p

to help others

(which is really one of the absolutely
unequivocally
s e l f i s h
things we can ever do, , ,)

b u t

when we give in to giving

it makes a universe of difference. . .

Just one little act of kindness

of actually being a real live
C A R I N G C A T A L Y S T

is one single act

that genuinely

c h a n g e s

the lives of the

g i v e r

and the

r e c e i v e r. . .

G I V E I N

to

G I V I N G

The UN-Fixed FIXER

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I’ve read a few other books by Parker

but when I was gifted his newest book for Christmas

it made me take a look

not only at the book,

but other things Parker Palmer has written,

most notably,

his Blog. . .

After nearly 40 years of being an ordained minister
a wedding/funeral officiant
a hospice chaplain
a professional speaker
a counselor

I’ve always fought the strong
MESSIAH COMPLEX

and just as fierce
FIXER COMPLEX

every day
each daily opportunity to

MAKE IT ALL BETTER

and my greatest conclusion
and daily
L E A R N E D L E S S O N :

It’s most often my
P R E S E N C E
not my
A D V I C E
that is most often sought. . .

so. . .
Palmer Parker offers:

Here’s the deal. The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed — to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is. When we make that kind of deep bow to the soul of a suffering person, our respect reinforces the soul’s healing resources, the only resources that can help the sufferer make it through.

Aye, there’s the rub. Many of us “helper” types are as much or more concerned with being seen as good helpers as we are with serving the soul-deep needs of the person who needs help. Witnessing and companioning take time and patience, which we often lack — especially when we’re in the presence of suffering so painful we can barely stand to be there, as if we were in danger of catching a contagious disease. We want to apply our “fix,” then cut and run, figuring we’ve done the best we can to “save” the other person.

During my depression, there was one friend who truly helped. With my permission, Bill came to my house every day around 4:00 PM, sat me down in an easy chair, and massaged my feet. He rarely said a word. But somehow he found the one place in my body where I could feel a sense of connection with another person, relieving my awful sense of isolation while bearing silent witness to my condition.

By offering me this quiet companionship for a couple of months, day in and day out, Bill helped save my life. Unafraid to accompany me in my suffering, he made me less afraid of myself. He was present — simply and fully present — in the same way one needs to be at the bedside of a dying person.

It’s at such a bedside where we finally learn that we have no “fix” or “save” to offer those who suffer deeply. And yet, we have something better: our gift of self in the form of personal presence and attention, the kind that invites the other’s soul to show up. As Mary Oliver has written:

“This is the first, the wildest and the wisest thing I know: that the soul exists and is built entirely out of attentiveness.”

I leave you with two pieces of advice — a flagrant self-contradiction for which my only defense is Emerson’s dictum that “consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.” (1) Don’t give advice, unless someone insists. Instead, be fully present, listen deeply, and ask the kind of questions that give the other a chance to express more of his or her own truth, whatever it may be. (2) If you find yourself receiving unwanted advice from someone close to you, smile and offer a “Thank you, I’m good.”

Are you a
RECOVERING FIXER

or a ongoing
PRESENCE PROVIDER

there’s a huge difference. . .
especially to the
humble
RECEIVER. . .

Survey, S C R E A M S

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D O E S     I T     M A T T E R ?

Well, apparently the

Science   of   Happily   Ever   After

has gone well over and under the microscope–literally–and the examination table.

In her article,

MASTER   OF   LOVE,

author, Emily Smith reveals that of all the couples that get married,

only THREE in TEN remain in healthy, happy marriages.

W O W .        .        .

that’ll sour the Chocolate Heart well before Valentine’s Day.

Has it come to   T H I S:

A team of Researchers, Scientists actually hooked up couples to electrodes and asked the couples to speak about their relationship, how they met, a major conflict they were facing together, and a positive memory. As they spoke, these electrodes measured blood flow, heart rates, and how much sweat they actually produced…then the Researchers sent these folks home and followed up on them SIX YEARS LATER;

Forget about the  THREE  out of   TEN   formula.      .      .

Do you know what the two most powerful characteristics they found to long-lasting relationships?

K        I        N        D        N        E        S        S

G        E        N        E        R        O        S       I        T        Y

In most marriages,

T      H      E      Y   

concluded, levels of satisfaction drop dramatically within the first few years together;

BUT  AMONG  COUPLES  WHO  NOT  ONLY  ENDURE, BUT  LIVE  HAPPILY  TOGETHER  FOR  YEARS  AND  YEARS, THE  SPIRIT  OF  KINDNESS  AND  GENEROSITY  GUIDES  THEM  FORWARD!

What’s   T H A T   tell  you?

Being in a committed relationship now

(FOR   A   D O-O V E R)

for nearly 34 years,

with Mt Everest highs and the darkest of Abyss lows

over roads that would have begged for ruts and dust,

they were so desolate,

I,
like   many   others,

can prove to you what was implied but not measured

with this or any study:

K I N D N E S S   A N D   GENEROSITY

DO   NOT   WORK
–E V E R–

o       n       c       e .        .        .

Kindness and Generosity have to be consistently

D  O  N  E / E  X  P  E  R  I  E  N  C  E  D

I’m one of the few people known to all generations of all faiths

who actually doesn’t like

the Story of the Good Samaritan.          .          .

A guy gets thrashed and everyone avoids him from the Commoner to the most highly religious except, well, except for the lowest of the low scum of the earth, who took time to at least stop and help the man, got him patched up and then took him to a hostel where he could rehab; actually paid in advance and told the innkeeper, if it wasn’t enough, he’d settle up with him the next time he came back into town. . .

What’s not to like?

Well, here’s something that the Social Scientists don’t have to Electrode you up for:

ANYONE   CAN   DO   THAT–

Be a Good Samaritan–

O     N     C     E .          .          .

but what about a thousand and  O N C E  times

or a Billion,

a Ga-Zillion and  O N C E  times?

Who would have thought that

C      O      N      S      I      S      T      E      N      T      L      Y

being Kind and Generous

would be the key components for a long-lasting-happily-ever-after relationship?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  of  the  D A Y:

Maybe   if   we
T         H         O         U         G         H         T

l   e    s    s

and practiced
Kindness and Generosity

more.           .           .

Well,

you do the research:

Resource:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/what-makes-marriage-work

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/

Professional Speaker, Author, Assurance Man