SOMETIMES
even the best Words
need not to be spoken or sung
but still understood
just the same. . .
P L E A S E
just listen
not to hear
not to reply
but to actively respond. . .
a n d
p l e a s e
Who Cares - What Matters
SOMETIMES
even the best Words
need not to be spoken or sung
but still understood
just the same. . .
P L E A S E
just listen
not to hear
not to reply
but to actively respond. . .
a n d
p l e a s e
s o m e t i m e s
the best poem is the one that
i s n ‘ t
SOMETIMES
the best poem is a
T r U t H
that goes beyond
idyllic pandemic
o r
iambic pentameter
past rhyme or reason
free verse
or some fancy syllabic haiku
Sometimes
poems forget themselves
. . .their nicely arranged words
and go directly to a
f e e l
without a touch. . .
sometimes
Physically
Emotionally
Mentally
Socially
Symphonically
Lyrically
All waysically
I am so lessically
Without you
The greatest take-away from the COVID-19 Pandemic. . . ?
BE THE PROOF
of this
LESSOR LEARNED
THIS BOOK
is about 4 years old. . .
Someone gifted it to me and I have never fully read it through;
I’ve thumbed through it,
read it’s
CONTENTS
page and
the following before putting it on
THAT SHELF
for further reading
and I picked it up over these past few days and read it’s own
DESCRIPTION:
Would you like to change the world but feel like there’s nothing you can do? What if you discovered you could change everything with just five breaths and one kind thought? Want to help heal America? Our planet? The Global Kindness Revolution is the way forward. You don’t even have to get out of bed to join. You only need to take five breaths and think a kind thought, each day, at noon. Kindness at Noon, Everyday, Everywhere is a call to action to all, regardless of beliefs, background or religion, who are craving a kinder, gentler world.
This is a guide to exploring those aspects of ourselves we’re unaware of, such as suppressed anger and racism, that keep us in the dark and prevent us from embracing our neighbor, or what we perceive as the “other.” Scientists call the primitive part of our brains the “lizard” brain from the times when we hunted dinosaurs. Now, in this tumultuous era where viciousness and apathy fills the airwaves, The Global Kindness Revolution aims to elevate our collective mindset, to nurture the “Kind Mind” where empathy and compassion are on automatic.
The book provides exercises and guidance for incorporating a kindness lifestyle. It includes practices to enhance our connection with Mother Earth, and perspectives on what it means to be kind to oneself. It drills down into social issues that impact us individually and as a whole, and how we can navigate our social interactions with more compassion. It suggests ways to improve our personal relationships and our community, and how to maintain a healthy existence with the domination of technology.
The magic of this revolution is its global appeal calling on millions around the world to pause for Kindness at Noon. More are joining the cause to diminish the violence, racism and meanness humanity has continuously been plagued with. What began as a simple experiment in a Pennsylvania prison has expanded into a global initiative making a mark in countries like Nepal, Afghanistan and Egypt, directly addressing the refugee crisis, violence against women, and other injustices in dire need of change.
Kindness at Noon, Everyday, Everywhere. Join us!
SOUNDS GOOD,
r i g h t. . . ?
A N D
nothing against this fine book
and the exercises it implores us to use,
B U T
now’s not the time for words
or books
filled with them. . .
WE ARE
far past needing books about
h e a l i n g
VIOLENCE
RACISM
MEANNESS
but
right on time about
B E I N G
A Volume of
PEACE
ACCEPTANCE
KINDNESS
. . .funny, huh,
THESE TOO, ARE WORDS. . .
and we need to not only be carriers of
SUCH LOVE
but
INFESTERS OF THIS LOVE
that knows
NO
antidote or vaccine
. . .A time
to stop drawing lines in the sand
to be sided against
or straddled
BUT CREATORS OF CIRCLES
that include
and never
e x c l u d e
US ALL
This is to be
A Caring Catalyst
not words
not ideals
not experiments
not wishes
not hopes
not philosophies
BUT A LIVE
ACTIVE
Circle making inclusive
FORCE
one compassionately kind act at at time
(UNCONDITIONALLY)
For Now. . .
It’s not a time to do things by
THE BOOK
and if words be necessary at all. . .
May it be
that we are all more
ADJECTIVES
and way less
NOUNS
We have to hit the rewind button on this
but even all the way back into the early 70s
I remember there was a product
which is still out there today
HAMBURGER HELPER. . .
The reason this was invented
and used
and still popular
is because it takes a little bit
and makes a whole lot;
it enhances. . .
In this upside-down-topsy-turvy-earth-literally-on-its-axis-time
we kind of need a helper
well. . .
to help
don’t we?
I’ve been working in healthcare since about 1988
as part-time chaplain at several area hospitals
and full-time now since 1994 with hospice. . .
I’ve always seen myself as an auxiliary
Helper
I, in no way
have ever seen myself as the main guy;
FRONT LINE
. . .In fact,
I’m almost embarrassed to say that I work in healthcare
when everybody’s getting free coffee
extra special shopping hours
and even free burritos
because they are
F R O N T L I N E
Even though I’m still working in an inpatient unit
and seeing patients and families
I, in no way,
see myself as a first responder
or as a helper
or even a Final,
a Last Responder
even though I’m still doing funerals and graveside services. . .
I have always first
and foremost
seen myself as a
Helper to the HELPER;
It literally has not already
defined my entire life
it is severely enhanced it. . .
Aren’t we all THAT:
H E L P E R S
Have we failed to notice
what is so recognizable before each of us. . . ?
Not only to be a Helper
but at the very least
H E L P E R S
to the Helpers
That’s what it means to
HOLD SPACE
That’s what it means
especially at this very moment
To not only be significant
but also to make some sense
out of why we are all really
here now at this very
i n s t a n t
I have never performed brain surgery
or mended together broken bones
. . .at the very best
I’ve held hands
and cared for broken hearts
held space for tired spirits
listened to what a heart shouts
but a mouth can’t ever imagine whispering;
I literally
have tried to be
all things to all people
not that I can save them
so much as serve them
not always as they deserved
but but always as they have needed. . .
To help bring some light to the darkness;
To be for them–
patient
family member
or first responder
final responder
what no one else
in that very instant
could ever be for them. . .
Now the not so big Secret:
We all have the capacity
To be Helpers
To Be Responders. . .
I have the upmost respect
not just for the medical doctors
not just for physician assistants
not just for nurse practitioners
not just for the nurses
not just for the social workers
not just for those most blessed health aides
but for all those who recognize
and see themselves as
Helpers to the Helpers. . .
Who isn’t THAT person?
A First
A Fair to Midland
A Middle of the Roader
A Near the Ender
A Final
R E S P O N D E R
. . .label me what you will
but for the sake
of us all
I hope to never be known as a
NON-RESPONDER. . .
THIS THING
we are all dealing with right now
is not by Chance
(no accident)
It’s the Beginning
of one of the possibly
Biggest-most-epic-world-wide-challenges
in our lives
so far
. . .or it isn’t
It’s time to be a
A RESPONDER
A HELPER
A HELPER’S HELPER
It’s time to play Nice
at a not-so-nice time. . .
Who will be?
Who won’t be?
WHO WILL YOU BE. . .
It’s time to be more than a
MASK WEARER
it’s now
O U R
T I M E
to be
HELP-BEARER
HOW IS IT (IT IS HOW)
How is it (IT IS HOW)
that my steps
found yours walking towards me. . .
How is it (IT IS HOW)
that my outstretched arms
had yours reaching me. . .
How is it (IT IS HOW)
that my eyes sought you
but you saw me. . .
How is it (IT IS HOW)
that my darkness
found your light. . .
How is it
(IT IS HOW)
I wrote this poem shortly after reading
I wrote this poem shortly after pondering
Ada’s poem,
Ada Limón – 1976-
When the doctor suggested surgery
and a brace for all my youngest years,
my parents scrambled to take me
to massage therapy, deep tissue work,
osteopathy, and soon my crooked spine
unspooled a bit, I could breathe again,
and move more in a body unclouded
by pain. My mom would tell me to sing
songs to her the whole forty-five minute
drive to Middle Two Rock Road and forty-
five minutes back from physical therapy.
She’d say, even my voice sounded unfettered
by my spine afterward. So I sang and sang,
because I thought she liked it. I never
asked her what she gave up to drive me,
or how her day was before this chore. Today,
at her age, I was driving myself home from yet
another spine appointment, singing along
to some maudlin but solid song on the radio,
and I saw a mom take her raincoat off
and give it to her young daughter when
a storm took over the afternoon. My god,
I thought, my whole life I’ve been under her
raincoat thinking it was somehow a marvel
that I never got wet.
From The Carrying (Milkweed Editions, 2018) by Ada Limón. Copyright © 2018 by Ada Limón. Used with the permission of Milkweed Editions. milkweed.org.
Just who’s most responsible in keeping you from getting wet
Just who are you most responsible for keeping dry
HOW IS IT (IT IS HOW)
ONCE they held
Whatever was deemed
Important
Significant
Sacred
NOW they are emptied
THEY worlded Memories
of what Was
But More
What Hallowedly WAS
THE WAS
Can’t ever be fully photographed
and yet
never has to be
FULL HEARTED GRATEFUL
What never has to be
Empty Shelves
are never fully empty
and what habitats them
can’t be seen
so much as
f e l t
for an ever
It’s Clouds
not always dark
but completing covering
dark draping the sun
but not completely it’s rays
Seemingly to last for
An Ever
But they’re Clouds
not always dark
shading over the Sun
Like THE FUNKS
They pass and never last
For An Ever
A Season
or long
and when you’re tempted to feel
the opposite
s q u i n t
and see your flag
boldly wave them a good
b y e
Q U E S T I O N:
What’s better,
To be a
Wish Granter
or to be a
Wish Receiver
A N S W E R:
BOTH
Remember the greatest wish you were ever able to grant. . .
Remember the greatest wish you were ever able to receive. . .
THE SECRET TO LIFE:
Remembering both
is one thing. . .
DOING BOTH
(often)
IS THE ONLY THING!
True
or
False. . .
Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
You don’t pick the answer
so much as the way you live
SHOWS THE ANSWER
Wish Granter
Wish Receiver
I can’t ever remember a time when I didn’t
FEEL IT
but after nearly 40 years of being Ordained
I FEEL IT
more strongly now than ever before
and have a better way of
c o m m u n i c a t i n g
it than well over 40 plus years ago. . .
The most debatable question that I have ever had to answer at any of the four churches (FIVE if you include the three years I served my Student Church in Seminary) and now 25 years of being a Hospice Chaplain
is:
AM I WRONG TO THINK THAT JESUS
CAME LESS TO SCARE THE HELL OUT OF ME
AND MORE TO BRING HEAVEN
TO MY HELL. . . ?
I never could get my
h e a d
h e a r t
s o u l
around a God who loves me
u n c o n d i t i o n a l l y
who’s Son died for the sins of the world
being weaker/less
than my worst flaw and blatant wrongnesses. . .
My Caring Catalyst
s o u l
just can’t quite figure it all out
but it doesn’t
F E E L
right
THIS THEOLOGY of HELL
we’re bound
unless, until, except, if, but,
Y O U
should
better
ought-to
have-to. . .
Sometimes
The Well-Worn Prayer
F I N D S
and Prays for
U S
W a i t. . .
W h a t. . ?
Can it be
T H A T
s i m p l e
?
H E Y:
What would happen if we substituted whatever we call
GOD
MOHAMMED
ALLAH
BUDDHA
HIGHER POWER
ENERGY
SPIRIT
SUPREME BEING
O THOU WHO ART FOREVER
with the word:
L O V E. . .
Make Life or the Living of it
a little
d i f f e r e n t. . . .
(it really can)
The “science” of happiness may sound like an oxymoron to most people, but not so Dacher Keltner, psychology professor and director of the Greater Good Science Center (GGSC) at UC Berkeley. For the past three decades, he has been researching human emotions, starting with micro-movements of facial muscles and more recently the relationship between powerlessness and health outcomes. Along the way, he has written several books and co-created one of the most popular MOOCs (massive open online courses) in the country.
Keltner began studying psychology just as the field was transitioning away from a belief that all human decisions were based on rationality and facts (the brain as computer model), and toward the “emotion revolution.” The “explosion of interest in feeling” fit in with Keltner’s own family belief system, and he quickly found his niche. “My mother, an English professor and student of Romanticism, and my father, an artist guided by Lao Tzu and Zen, cultivated in me the conviction that our best attempts at the good life are found in bursts of passion,” he writes in his book Born to be Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life.
Keltner may look like a California surfer but actually comes from Scandinavian stock whose emotional makeup is more Ingmar Bergman than Beach Boys. The anxiety is not recognized or discussed in his family, but Keltner sees the pattern clearly. “People don’t realize it, but I have had a few periods in my life when I experienced exceptional degrees of anxiety and near-OCD,” he said. One of the defining characteristics of anxiety is “interior focus,” a hypersensitivity to bodily sensations such as heart palpitations, blushes, and sweating, he said. So perhaps it’s not surprising that Keltner, 55, has been on a life-long search for happiness and what he calls “the greater good.”
He started out “reading faces” as a post doc in the lab of Paul Ekman — made famous by the TV series Lie to Me — spending over 2,000 hours analyzing frame-by-frame video images of facial expressions in order to map different micro-emotions. “When I first heard about this, it was like an intellectual epiphany,” he said. It validated what he had learned about emotions, and provided a scientific way of measuring something that otherwise seemed ineffable.
Ekman claims that micro expressions cannot be hidden, even when a person is trying to conceal an emotion. By learning Ekman’s coding system, Keltner said, he entered a different “perceptual world … It’s the world before language, the way our primate predecessors communicated. Darwin was interested in this. It’s mind-blowing to be exposed to it.” While Ekman only studied six emotions at his UC San Francisco lab, Keltner eventually added another 15 emotions to the mix, including awe and compassion.
As a result of his studies, he can sometimes see things that others can’t. “I may see anxiety before a person is aware of it, or I might spot depression at an early stage,” he said. “There’s all this information in your face and voice and body. Most people pay attention to this maybe 60 percent of the time but with me, it’s maybe 70 percent. I use it with my teenage daughters,” he jokes. When it comes to his wife, though, “she doesn’t believe anything I say, just in general.”
“The connection between happiness and the greater good is pretty clear, and it’s under-appreciated,” he said. There is more to happiness than momentary, individual pleasure. “Social connection is one of the strongest determinants of health,” Keltner said. “We take a lot of happiness in giving to other people.” In fact, research shows that lonely people die younger than people with strong social networks. “Lonely college students had higher blood pressure than non-lonely ones, putting them at greater risk for heart disease, and this health disparity was even greater between lonely and non-lonely older adults,” according to an article in the Greater Good magazine.
GGSC was founded in 2001, with a gift from Berkeley alumni Thomas and Ruth Hornaday. After their daughter died of cancer, and soon after 9/11, the couple called Cal’s Dean of Social Sciences and said they wanted to create a center “that would really bring peace to people,” Keltner said. The dean, Geroge Breslauer, knew of Keltner’s work and referred the Hornadays to him.
When the idea for the center was first proposed, Keltner decided pretty quickly that he did not want to use the money just to write white papers and sponsor meetings. “I didn’t want to create the typical academic center,” he said. “The great thing about Berkeley is that I could say, ‘Let’s use the science of kindness and altruism and play and gratitude to promote the greater good. Let’s disseminate it to everyone, not just other academics’.”
But do these tools really work? Keltner said he practices many of them and finds that even in these bleak times, he is able to remain “60 percent optimistic.” That is a far cry from absolute happiness, of course. But then, Keltner said, most of his friends are “in despair,” especially about the political situation in the country. “Kindness is the most important thing,” he said. “That, and mindfulness.”
Much of his own work is about class, inequality, and power. Keltner’s latest book, The Power Paradox: How we Gain and Lose Influence, includes a chapter on “The Price of Powerlessness.” He writes about a part of his childhood lived in the “poor rural town” of Penryn, CA, where he discovered “the empathy, kindness, generosity, respect, and inclusiveness that the poor live by in response to the harsher material conditions of their lives.”
Returning to Penryn as an adult, Keltner discovered that most of his friend’s parents died young of a variety of diseases. His book cites research showing that a person’s social class predicts their vulnerability to disease. “With each rung down the class ladder,” he wrote, “an individual is more likely to suffer from disease and to live a shorter life, to battle hypertension, cervical, cervical cancer, and painful arthritis, and to suffer from other chronic illnesses.” Growing up poor, research shows, “shaves six years off life expectancy.”
Keltner writes about a “new science of power,” which posits that only socially intelligent, caring and compassionate people ultimately become leaders. His book revolves around 20 “Power Principles” such as “enduring power comes from empathy” and “enduring power comes from telling stories that unite,” and “groups give power to those who advance the greater good.” It is hard to connect those concepts with current reality.
Yet the “power paradox” of the book’s title is this: “we rise in power and make a difference in the world due to what is best about human nature, but we fall from power due to what is worst.” Keltner writes that people become leaders by exhibiting compassion, listening skills and other positive behaviors, but once they obtain power they tend to behave “like impulsive, out-of-control sociopaths.”
Keltner had originally written a longer chapter on coercive Machiavellian power for the first draft of the book, “but in the spirit of collective optimism we cut it,” he said. “If I were to write the book now, I would say that human societies are an interesting combination of coercive, manipulative, aggressive power and prosocial and connective power.” The book has been translated into 12 languages.
“There is a real hunger to foster feelings of reconciliation and compassion even at a time when people feel alienated from one another,” Marsh said. “They are eager for any information that can help develop a greater sense of empathy and forgiveness, even for people who seem different from themselves.”
Meanwhile, Keltner continues to explore practices related to the “greater good.” He volunteers at San Quentin a few times a year; works with national health care executives to incorporate GGSC practices into health care settings; and continues to teach and spend time with his family.
He also tries to spend as much time as possible outdoors, especially in places that evoke awe in him, such as the high Sierras. “Sometimes it takes a while to figure out who you are,” he said. He loves backpacking and camping and sleeping outside. “I don’t mind bears running around,” he said. Happiness, it turns out, can be found in unexpected places. . .
YEAH. . .YEAH. . .YEAH. . .YEAH. . .B U T. . .
so how does that translate to we, as
CARING CATALYSTS. . .
T R U T H ?
It doesn’t. . .
Theory is just THEORY
‘HOW TO’ IS POWERFUL
‘WANT TO’ IS SUPREME
D O
D O
D O
D O
is all that counts. . .
The Science of Kindness is great
The ACTION OF KINDNESS
second to ANYTHING
no YEAH-BUT’S
(ABOUT IT)
a l l o w e d
(theorize T H A T e x p e r i e n c e)