Seriously what gives you that Christmas morning feeling?Is it music is a family friends is it presence?
Is it all the food? Is it kind of anti-climatic by the time we get to THIS Christmas morning and all of the feelings have come along with it?
You know, there’s an answer to all of those questions. . .
Three simple letters
Y O UWhat say
Y O U
May all of the Lights of this Day
be yours
to see
to be
to free
in you
for others
always for Others
so that all may know
That Christmas Morning Feeling
Fa-La-La-La-Whaaaaaaat?
W E L L. . .
are you ready to bring some
B A H
to everyone else’s
H U M B U G. . .
Hold on there, Sparky
before you pull the plug on all of the festivities
there just may be
Two Surprising Ways to Make Your Holidays Less Stressful
We can find joy even if the holiday season doesn’t live up to our expectations. . .
Christine Carter, Ph.D. is a Senior Fellow at the Greater Good Science Center. She is the author of The New Adolescence: Raising Happy and Successful Teens in an Age of Anxiety and Distraction (BenBella, 2020), The Sweet Spot: How to Accomplish More by Doing Less (Ballantine Books, 2015), and Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents (Random House, 2010). A former director of the GGSC, she served for many years as author of its parenting blog, Raising Happiness. She may put some twinkle in your tinsel with some of these simple suggestions to keep you going as A Caring Catalyst during this Holiday Season.
The holidays can be stressful. Often, there’s a lot to do and a lot to buy and a lot of people to see. Sometimes we get so busy we have a hard time enjoying events that we’re otherwise looking forward to.
But we can make this holiday season less stressful for ourselves. Below are two tips to enjoy the holidays more.
Accept that the holidays will probably be, at times, disappointing. . .
Bet you weren’t expecting that one! But acceptance is a strangely effective strategy for feeling happier and more relaxed at any time of the year. When we accept a person or a situation we find challenging, we let go of the resistance that creates stress and tension. There’s a lot of truth to the adage that “what we resist, persists.”
Here’s how this works. When someone or something is being a pain in your rear, take a deep breath and accept the situation. Say to yourself something like, “I accept that Jane is upset right now; I allow this situation to be as it is.” Then notice how you are feeling, and accept how you are feeling, as well. You can say to yourself, “I accept that I am feeling angry at Jane and disappointed. I allow my feelings to be as they are right now.”
If accepting a disappointing situation or person seems too hard for you, here are the handy alternatives you’re left with:
- You can judge and criticize others and the disappointing situation in general, and blame others for your own negative feelings. As a bonus, everyone around you will no doubt feel your judgment. Some people will likely feel wrongly accused, or like you are trying to “fix” them. You’ll achieve the dual outcomes of being hurtful to others while simultaneously making yourself feel tense and lonely.
- Another alternative to acceptance is to nurse your anxiety and despair over the situation through rumination. To ruminate effectively, think about what is wrong with the situation or person as often as possible. Don’t let yourself become distracted from the negative. Tell everyone what you don’t like about the situation or person. This will successfully amplify both your negative feelings and the difficulty of the situation.
- You can also definitely deny how difficult the situation is by pretending that nothing is bothering you. You can stuff your hard feelings down by drinking too much or by staying really, really busy and stressed. Simply avoid situations and people you don’t want to deal with, because that’s more important than participating in meaningful traditions and events.
Criticism, judgment, rumination, blaming, denial, and avoidance are almost like holiday rituals for some of us. But they are all tactics of resistance, and they won’t protect you. Ironically, these tactics will allow the disappointments or difficulties to further embed themselves into your psyche.
This is a long-winded way of pointing out that resistance doesn’t make us less stressed or more joyful in difficult situations. What does work is to simply accept that the circumstance is currently hard. We can accept a difficult situation, and still make an effort to improve things. This gentle acceptance does not mean that you are resigned to a miserable holiday, or that nothing you do will make the situation better. Maybe it will get better—and maybe it won’t.
Accepting the reality of a difficult situation allows us to soften. This softening opens the door to our own compassion and wisdom; and we all know that over the holidays, we are going to need those things.
Let go of expectations while turning your attention to what you appreciate. . .
Some people (myself included) suffer from what I think of as an abundance paradox: Because we have so much, it becomes easy to take our good fortune for granted. As a result, we are more likely to feel disappointed when we don’t get what we want than to feel grateful when we do.
This tendency can be especially pronounced during the holidays, when we tend to have high hopes that everything will be perfect and wonderful and memorable. You might have a fantasy of a sweet, close relationship with an in-law, for instance, or grand ideas about the perfect Christmas Eve dinner.
This sort of hope, as my dear friend Susie Rinehart has reminded me, can be a slippery slope to unhappiness: Hoping a holiday event will be the best-ever can quickly become a feeling that we won’t be happy unless it is, leading to sadness and disappointment when reality doesn’t live up to our ideal.
Unfortunately, the reality of the holidays is unlikely to ever outdo our fantasies of how great everything could be. So the trick is to ditch our expectations and instead notice what is actually happening in the moment. And then find something about that moment to appreciate.
Can you appreciate that your spouse did a lot of planning (or dishes, or shopping) this week? Do you feel grateful that you have enough food for your holiday table? Are you thankful for your health (or if your health is not great, that you are still here)?
It’s enough to notice and appreciate the small things, but when I’m having trouble with this, I like to practice an extreme form of gratitude that involves contemplating how fleeting our lives may be. There’s nothing like facing death to make us appreciate our lives—and sure enough, research finds that when people visualize their own death in detail, their gratitude increases.
If you feel stuck on what isn’t going well rather than what is, set aside some time to reflect on the following questions. Take each question one at a time, and try journaling an answer to each before moving on to the next one.
- What would I do if this were the last holiday season I had left to live? What would I do the same, and what would I do differently?
- What would I do if this were the last holiday season that my spouse, parents, or children had left to live? What would I do the same, and what would I do differently?
It’s a little heavy, I know, but contemplating death does tend to put things in perspective.
As the holidays approach, we will likely feel stressed and exhausted, but we need not feel like victims to this time of year. We often have a great deal of choice about what we do and how we feel. We can choose to bring acceptance to difficult situations and emotions, and we can choose to turn our attention to the things that we appreciate.
This holiday season, may we all see abundance when it is all around us—not an abundance of stuff, necessarily, but rather an abundance of love and connection. Even during the difficult bits.
There’s still a whole lot of
F A
to go along with your
L A
L A
L A
Hopefully this will help keep your
lights burning
b r i g h t
and bring you some
M E R R Y
M E R R Y
to share your cup of
C H E E R
H I N E N I
It’s been a whirlwind all over the world in these past two weeks and it has the feel of not ending any time soon, and worse, ending well. . .
I’ve heard a lot of words over this time and I’ve said a lot of words and there’s one word that came to me when I was looking to hear it or say it but now feel the need to share it:
H I N E N I
It’s a Hebrew word that means:
HERE I AM
But here’s the thing about words, or in this case
A WORD. . .
They don’t mean anything
Said or Heard
until they are experienced
until they are Living Verbs. . .
I’ve had to ask of myself:
JUST HOW AM I SHOWING UP
(and how often?)
I’m wondering (and now hoping you’ll be a little wondering, too) how am I saying, being HINENI to my family, my friends, my town, my state, my country, my world? How am I saying HINENI in a way that shows others how much they matter and that I am here? How am I answering THIS call?
It feels like we have lots of questions a few answers or is it really just this simple:
Why is the seemingly simple so complicated if not for my lack of
HINENI
Now
is so much more than saying a Word
or even hearing one
Looking at an inspiring picture
Gawking at a-should-never-be-seen-horrific-scene
We are way past AGREEING with this one
and DISAGREEING with that one
N O W
in our own individual way
with our own individual skills
It’s time to be an authentic, living
H I N E N I
and to be it profoundly
to Each’s
O T H E R
THE SOFTNESS OF HEALING FINGERTIPS
The World is a Ouija Board
searching for the soft touches of
healing finger tips
that search out personifications of
PEACE
HEALTH
WELL-BEING
SAFTEY
HOPE
LOVE
COMPASSION
KINDNESS
Bringing what’s so not ever There
to so what’s forever now to be Here
The Tear drop Planchette
scrapes away all that’s hurtful
as it wipes away the bitter salty tear
and replaces it with a Smile
every face shares
because the pain of one is
no longer the ache of all
Banished forever
World Peace can’t be legislated
but a continuous deep unfiltered love
won’t be denied
Oh how I yearn for the feel
of those soft touches of healing fingertips
Even now as my fists ease
and my hand opens to reach
for another unfolded hand
to form a prayer not be prayed
but shared and lived
in a game
that can’t be boxed up
when it’s over
OR
SEE. . .
even now we get to choose an
ending
(SO WHY NOT MAKE IT AN ENDLESS BEGINNING?)
A LITTLE GOOD NEWS TODAY
It’s really good to hit the rewind button sometimes
even if it’s all the way back to 1983
to know now
what we were shouting for then
and way before THEN. . .
NEWS FOR THE REAL WORLD
Gloria Heffernan
This morning, I want to wake up
with no headlines.
I want to find that my New York Times
has been replaced
with a worn-out copy of The Velveteen Rabbit,
and the Skin Horse
is inviting me to love the world
in all its broken realness.
I want to touch the Earth
where the soft fur
has been rubbed off
and see it with my fingertips.
When I feel the need to know who
is fighting with whom,
and what disaster occurred overnight,
I want to hear
the wind chimes in my backyard
whisper in the breeze,
“I am as real as anything you
will find on the front page.”
When the hard facts are just too hard,
I want to press
the tattered velveteen ears to my cheek
and remember that the hot cup of tea,
and the warm blanket,
and the beloved sleeping by my side
are every bit as real as the rage
that fuels the news,
and for today I want to embrace
the real I can touch
with my hands and see with my eyes,
and let the world rage on without me.
Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
The best way for a little good news today
IS TO MAKE IT
AND ASSURE THAT EVERYONE IS A PART OF IT
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. . .
JOIN ME
JUST BEYOND LOOKING(and actually seeing)
“I SEE YOU!’
‘I AM HERE!’
“For centuries, African Bushmen have greeted each other in this way. When one becomes aware of his brother or sister coming out of the brush, he exclaims, ‘I See You!’ and then the one approaching rejoices, ‘I Am Here!’
“This timeless bearing witness is both simple and profound, and it is telling that much of our modern therapeutic journey is suffered to this end: to have who we are and where we’ve been be seen. For with this simple and direct affirmation, it is possible to claim our own presence, to say, ‘I Am Here.’
“Those people in our lives who have validated our personhood by seeing us and exclaiming so are the foundations of our self-worth. Think of who they are.
“For me, the first to rejoice at my scrambling into the open was my grandmother. If not for her unequivocal love, I might never have the courage to express myself at all. And, after all, isn’t art in all its forms the beautiful trail of our all-too-human attempts to say, again and again, I Am Here.
“It is important to note that being seen enables us to claim our lives, and then it becomes possible to pass the gift on to others. But just as important as bearing witness is the joy with which these Bushmen proclaim what they see. It is the joy of first seeing and first knowing. This is a gift of love.
“In a culture that erases its humanity, that keeps the act of innocence and beginning invisible, we are sorely in need of being seen with joy, so we can proclaim with equal astonishment and innocence that of all the amazing things that could have been or not, We Are Here.
“As far back as we can remember, people of the oldest tribes, unencumbered by civilization, have been rejoicing in being on earth together. Not only can we do this for each other, it is essential.
“For as stars need open space to be seen, as waves need shore to crest, as dew needs grass to soak into, our vitality depends on how we exclaim and rejoice, ‘I See You!’ ‘I Am Here’”
~Mark Nepo from The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have
See. . .
There’s always another way to say it
There’s always another way to hear it
There’s always another way to see it
THERE’S ALWAYS ANOTHER WAY TO BE IT
. . . .Questions, Class?
CHRISTMAS In July
I know. . .
I know what you’re thinking
N O W
and every 25th of every month
when I proclaim
(usually with a Christmas scene)
MERRY PRACTICE CHRISTMAS
(usually with how many more days until Christmas)
https://www.xmasclock.com
which usually elicits this resounding response:
But wait. . .
CHRISTMAS IN JULY
wasn’t my idea
so much as me picking up the
dirty-drug-through-the-dust-banner
and making sure it flies
U N F U R L I N G L Y
before you. . .
Werther, an 1892 French opera with libretto by Édouard Blau, Paul Milliet, and Georges Hartmann, had an English translation published in 1894 by Elizabeth Beall Ginty. In the story, a group of children rehearses a Christmas song in July, to which a character responds: “When you sing Christmas in July, you rush the season.” It is a translation of the French: “vous chantez Noël en juillet… c’est s’y prendre à l’avance.”[1] This opera is based on Goethe‘s The Sorrows of Young Werther. Christmas features in the book, but July does not.[2]
In 1935, the National Recreation Association’s journal Recreation described what a Christmas in July was like at a girl’s camp, writing that “all mystery and wonder surround this annual event.”[3]
The term, if not the exact concept, was given national attention with the release of the Hollywood movie comedy Christmas in Julyin 1940, written and directed by Preston Sturges.[4] In the story, a man is fooled into believing he has won $25,000 in an advertising slogan contest. He buys presents for family, friends, and neighbors, and proposes marriage to his girlfriend.[5]
In 1942, the Calvary Baptist Church in Washington, D.C. celebrated Christmas in July with carols and the sermon “Christmas Presents in July”.[6] They repeated it in 1943, with a Christmas tree covered with donations. The pastor explained that the special service was patterned after a program held each summer at his former church in Philadelphia, when the congregation would present Christmas gifts early to give ample time for their distribution to missions worldwide.[7] It became an annual event, and in 1945, the service began to be broadcast over local radio.[8]
The U.S. Post Office and U.S. Army and Navy officials, in conjunction with the American advertising and greeting card industries, threw a Christmas in July luncheon in New York in 1944 to promote an early Christmas mailing campaign for service men overseas during World War II.[9] The luncheon was repeated in 1945.[10]
American advertisers began using Christmas in July themes in print for summertime sales as early as 1950.[11] In the United States, it is more often used as a marketing tool than an actual holiday. Television stations may choose to re-run Christmas specials, and many stores have Christmas in July sales. Some individuals choose to celebrate Christmas in July themselves, typically as an intentionally transparent excuse to have a party. This is in part because most bargainers tend to sell Christmas goods around July to make room for next year’s inventory.[12] (from Wikipedia)
I KNOW. . .
I KNOW,
TOO MUCH INFORMATION, Right. . . ?
It kind of puts the
B L A N K
in the
B L I N K
But so too often
THE MESSAGE
is not always
THE MEANING
WE LIVE IN A SNOW GLOBE’D WORLD
often shaken
often turned upside down
often misdirected
often
U N S E T T L E D
and just when we think we
GET THE MESSAGE
we receive
THE MEANING
so
so
s i l e n t l y
“all is calm, all is bright. . .let heaven and nature sing,
JOY TO THE WORLD
So I don’t know what really
L I G H T S
your tree. . .
but whatever it is
make sure it stays lit in this dark world
and even better. . .
S H A R E D
The New SEVEN WONDERS of the World
“Some people go through life trying to find out what the world holds for them only to find out too late that it’s what they bring to the world that really counts.“ – Anne of Green Gables
In today’s fast-paced world, that feels more and more like a merry-go-round on a roller coaster got amok, it can be easy to lose sight of what’s important. . .
No, wait. Let’s take that back. 🙂
It’s not really about our world being fast-paced, but maybe as we get older, WE become fast-paced. . . ?
It seems that as a child we intuitively knew the simple things that made life
amazing. . . .
And as adults, it sometimes feel like we have so much to do, so much to be, so much to have. . .
So much so that we need reminders of what it is like to live in a more present, aware, conscious, fulfilling way.
We all need reminders to bring us back to our true selves, and to the miracles present in our lives every single day.
We’ve been often told and most likely been shown, in our World it takes a Village with the subtle reminder that a Village exists in each of us that desperately needs shared/united with the Villages we find in others. . .
UNITE THAT
and you’ll never have to
W O N D E R
about the
W O N D E R S
that make each of us up
that uses the golden strands of
t o u c h
t a s t e
s e e i n g
h e a r i n g
f e e l i n g
l a u g h i n g
l o v i n g
to weave a new tapestry
intermeshing ourselves forever
into the fabric of each other’s lives
never to unravel again. . .
W O N D E R
NEW
WONDERS
PEACE AND CONFLICT
WHERE DO WE TURN??
WHO DO WE TRUST??
WHAT TO BELIEVE??
All good questions that have been pop corning around in our heads for nearly a month now as Covid seems to be subsiding or at least becoming manageable.
The very least I could do as an ongoing becoming a better Caring Catalyst is to share some fo the resources I’ve consulted over these past few weeks to make some sense of what’s happening a half of a world away from most of us. Hence, I wanted to share:
The Greater Good Resources for Peace and Conflict
They gathered articles that explore the roots of peace, war, and reconciliation; offer resources for well-being and activism; and most of all, remind us of human goodness.
The folks at the Greater Good Science Center, Russia’s invasion of Ukraine is provoking a range of emotions: sadness, anger, fear, and more. We’re reading the news every day and wishing that there were more we could do to help.
As an educational nonprofit, the folks at the Greater Good Science Center, understand the best we can do, perhaps, is to remind ourselves and their readers that peace is always possible, the vast majority of people resist killing, even the most violent primates are capable of change, there are steps we can all take to bridge our differences, and activism can make the world a better place. They’ve gathered articles below to help you understand the roots of peace, war, and reconciliation; get involved in activism; and support your well-being and your children’s—including reminders of human goodness in times of conflict. This is just one humble beggar showing another hungry beggar where he got some much needed sustenance.
If you’d like to find a more direct way to support the people of Ukraine, the Greater Good Science Center editors shared their friends at KQED recommendations who created this excellent list of organizations addressing the human crises that war creates. We hope you’ll consider making a donation to one of them.
Click to jump to a section:
Promoting peace and reconciliation
Reminders of human goodness
How political apology and forgiveness works
Resources for well-being and activism
Resources for children’s well-being
Promoting peace and reconciliation
- What Can We Learn From the World’s Most Peaceful Societies?: A multidisciplinary team of researchers is discovering what makes some societies more peaceful than others.
- Why Is There Peace?: Violence is declining, argues psychologist Steven Pinker. What are we doing right?
- Truth and Reconciliation: Forgiveness is not just personally rewarding. It’s also a political necessity, says Archbishop Desmond Tutu. He explains how forgiveness allowed South Africans to imagine a new beginning—one based on honesty, peace, and compassion.
- To Resolve Conflicts, Get Up and Move: Researcher Peter T. Coleman has found an unlikely path to peace: Move your body to help your mind get unstuck.
Reminders of human goodness
- Hope on the Battlefield: Military leaders know a secret: The vast majority of people are overwhelmingly reluctant to take a human life.
- Courage Under Fire: When the Bosnian civil war broke out, Svetlana Broz searched for the humanity behind the horrific headlines. She found stories of people who risked their lives to help victims of the war—and who inspired others to follow their example.
- Worlds Without War: Ethnographic studies find that not all societies make war. In other words, war is not intrinsic to humankind.
- Beyond Sex and Violence: Contrary to the typical view, violence is something humans resort to out of fear—or try to avoid altogether.
- Peace Among Primates: Anyone who says peace is not part of human nature knows too little about primates, including ourselves.
How political apology and forgiveness works
- The Forgiveness Instinct: To understand the human potential for peace, we have to learn three simple truths about forgiveness and revenge.
- The Greatest Test: Forgiveness improves health and strengthens relationships. But can it help heal the scars of civil war?
- Making Peace Through Apology: Some apologies encourage forgiveness and reconciliation between groups and nations; others only make things worse. Here’s how to tell the difference.
- What Makes a Political Apology Seem Sincere?: When is a political apology likely to be well-received? A new study explores the contributing factors.
- How Should a Group Apologize to People They Harmed?: A new study investigates which components of an apology foster forgiveness and reconciliation between groups.
Resources for well-being and activism
- Six Tips to Avoid Being Overwhelmed by the News: Here’s how to cope when all the negative news is triggering you.
- How to Sustain Your Activism: These three principles can help activists avoid burnout and continue working toward a better world.
- How to Renew Your Compassion in the Face of Suffering: Mass suffering can make us feel helpless. Focusing on solutions, rather than emotions, may be the way out.
Resources for children’s well-being
- Nine Tips for Talking to Kids about Trauma: In the midst of tragedy, kids will have questions. How do we respond?
- Five Ways to Support Students Affected by Trauma: Teachers can help students recognize their strengths and build resilience.
- Can Parents Teach Peace?: A recent study suggests they can, at least some of the time.
LET US WORK TOGETHER
TO BE CARING CATALYSTS ENOUGH
TO NOT JUST WORK TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE
BUT ACTUALLY
BE THE DIFFERENCE NEEDED NOW
Merry PRACTICE CHRISTMAS
Uhhhhhhh, if you know even a little bit about me. . ,
It’s that I adore Christmas. . .
Every year
Every Season
Every Month
Every Week
Every Day
Every Minute
Every Second
OF IT. . .
W H Y ?
Here’s a little Explanation:
When A N O T H E R
says something
better than you could ever
u t t e r
w r i t e
r e c i t e. . .
Give’em the Stage
and the Microphone
and most definitely,
T H E S P O T L I G H T
and don’t shut up
so much as really
L I S T E N :
This Henry van Dyke story is featured in our collection of Christmas Stories. and Short-Short Stories to read when you have five minutes to spare. You might enjoy his other works, The Other Wise Man and The First Christmas Tree
It is a good thing to observe Christmas day. The mere marking of times and seasons, when men agree to stop work and make merry together, is a wise and wholesome custom. It helps one to feel the supremacy of the common life over the individual life. It reminds a man to set his own little watch, now and then, by the great clock of humanity which runs on sun time.
But there is a better thing than the observance of Christmas day, and that is, keeping Christmas.
Are you willing to forget what you have done for other people, and to remember what other people have done for you; to ignore what the world owes you, and to think what you owe the world; to put your rights in the background, and your duties in the middle distance, and your chances to do a little more than your duty in the foreground; to see that your fellow-men are just as real as you are, and try to look behind their faces to their hearts, hungry for joy; to own that probably the only good reason for your existence is not what you are going to get out of life, but what you are going to give to life; to close your book of complaints against the management of the universe, and look around you for a place where you can sow a few seeds of happiness–are you willing to do these things even for a day? Then you can keep Christmas.
Are you willing to stoop down and consider the needs and the desires of little children; to remember the weakness and loneliness of people who are growing old; to stop asking how much your friends love you, and ask yourself whether you love them enough; to bear in mind the things that other people have to bear on their hearts; to try to understand what those who live in the same house with you really want, without waiting for them to tell you; to trim your lamp so that it will give more light and less smoke, and to carry it in front so that your shadow will fall behind you; to make a grave for your ugly thoughts, and a garden for your kindly feelings, with the gate open–are you willing to do these things even for a day? Then you can keep Christmas.
Are you willing to believe that love is the strongest thing in the world–stronger than hate, stronger than evil, stronger than death–and that the blessed life which began in Bethlehem nineteen hundred years ago is the image and brightness of the Eternal Love? Then you can keep Christmas.
And if you keep it for a day, why not always?
But you can never keep it alone.
L I S T E N :
Sometimes FROM A DISTANCE
We’ve never seen
what we’ve needed to seen any
C L O S E R
. . . So
Go hug a tree
Hopefully a lit Christmas Tree. . .
Even if
E S P E C I A L L Y I F
It’s a Charlie Brown variety. . .
Bring the Season
TO THE NOW
. . .and keep I T there!
For an E V E R
and then an
E V E R M O R E