Have you ever lost your heart. . . ?
Loaded question, huh?
Well?
What makes it such a touch question
is just trying to figure out
is that a
Physical
Emotional
Psycho-Social
Spiritual
L I T E R A L Question. . .
Ohhhhhhhh how you should know by
NOW
and all nearly some 800 Blog Posts later
that I’m a Sucker for the Sap Movies
and this one,
LAST CHRISTMAS
is maybe the sappiest of all
and it’s leaked a glue over me
that I can’t wash away
(and most likely don’t want to, anyway)
Nothing seems to go right for young Kate, a frustrated Londoner who works as an elf in a year-round Christmas shop. But things soon take a turn for the better when she meets Tom — a handsome charmer who seems too good to be true. As the city transforms into the most wonderful time of the year, Tom and Kate’s growing attraction turns into the best gift of all — a Yuletide romance. . .
Sa-Sa-Saaaaaa-SAPPY, right?
ba-ba-baaa-but
it made me think
IT MADE ME FEEL
the times I’ve lost my
h e a r t
Uhhhhhhh not so much
physically
emotionally
psycho-socially
spiritually
so much as
uh-ohh. . .
dare I write:
metaphysically. . .
and I guess I’m inviting you
to ask
to reflect
a time(S)
you’ve actually lost your heart. . . ?
Can I help answer?
Are you the same you were
10
20
30+
years ago?
What changed from the time you were an infant
to the time you became a toddler
to the time you became a preschooler
to the time you were in elementary school
to the time you were in junior high
to the time you were graduating high school
to the times of different jobs
to the the times of continuing education
to the times of getting married
to the times of having children
to
N O W
. . .just how many,
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU LOST YOUR HEART
and maybe better still. . .
FOUND IT?
Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
Here’s to all of the times to come
and all the Seasons
that’ll allow
the prompting of the question:
WHO AM I?
(MAY THE ANSWER CONTINUALLY BE DIFFERENT
as it has countless times before)
HOLIDAYING
Thinking of Skipping Vacation. . .
D o n ’ t !
- Rebecca Zucker is an executive coach and a founding partner at NEXT STEP PARTNERS, a boutique leadership development firm and she’s worked with AMAZON, CLOROX, and SKOLL Foundation to mention a few and her research is telling us to QUIT, errr, to just pause, take some time OFF. . .interestingly enough, I READ THIS ARTICLE as I was doing exactly what she was suggesting. . .

Many of us have had our summer vacation plans cancelled due to the pandemic. Perhaps you planned to visit family or take your annual beach vacation. Or maybe you were scheduled to celebrate a milestone with big trip — a food and wine tour of France or an African safari. Whatever your thwarted plans entailed, you might be thinking of skipping a vacation altogether. And given that productivity has been hampered for many of us over the last few months, it’s easy to think, “I should keep working, so I can get more done,” or “What’s the point? I can’t really go anywhere.”
Don’t give in to this limited thinking. Several studies indicate that performance nose-dives when we work for extended periods without a break. In addition, the benefitsof taking a vacation are clear: It results in improved productivity, lower stress and better overall mental health. It also spurs greater creativity — for example, Lin-Manuel Miranda conceived of Hamilton while on vacation.
Research on elite athletes shows that rest is what enables them to perform at peak levels, and the same is true for us. Taking a vacation allows us to come back feeling refreshed and recharged, with renewed focus. Some companies are even requiring employees to take time off. Vacations may even help your personal bottom line: Research shows that those who take more than 10 days of vacation are 30% more likely to receive a raise, and those who take regular vacations have greater job satisfaction.
HEY NOW!!
While your plans will likely look different than before, below are some guidelines to help you reap the benefits of vacation, wherever you go or DON’T GO. . . .
Get a change in scenery. Vacation doesn’t need to entail extensive travel. The fun of it is going somewhere that is different from your daily life. This may be a short drive from home, an extended road trip, or an excursion to the other side of town. One friend rented a beach house on Lake Erie for her family 30 miles from her home. I have a lot of friends who either own or have rented an RV with their family and drove to the mountains with another family. (Each family had their own RV and got tested for Covid-19 before leaving.) Another colleague took a solo weekend a few hours outside his city at an Airbnb to read and reflect. Another friend planned gourmet food excursions in Tremont and around the city, seeking out the best versions of her favorite foods in different neighborhoods across town and she did it solely by “take out.”
Plan ahead. While a spontaneous getaway can be exciting, research shows that the stress of poorly planned vacations can eliminate the positive benefits of time off. In particular, planning a month ahead and focusing on the details in advance versus figuring things out while on vacation has been shown to result in a better vacation experience with more positive outcomes. Planning ahead also gives us something to look forward to — something that Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, says not only makes us feel good, but also adds an “atmosphere of growth” to our lives and makes us optimistic. Even if you’re only going across town, you can still identify which days you’re going to take off and plan what you’re going to do in advance.
Identify the type of experience you want to have. The ideal vacation is different for each of us. What is your idea of recreation? What allows you to recharge? What nourishes you? For some, it’s soaking up the sun by the water. For others, it’s a creative pursuit, exploring a new location, trying new cuisine or engaging in an adventure sport. Knowing this will help inform potential destinations and activities. You might not be able to take that cooking class in Provence, but you can still go to the countryside, have a gourmet experience, and cook Provençal cuisine.
Spend time outdoors. Research shows that spending time in nature benefits us both mentally and physically. Moreover, these benefits are reaped whether you are in a national park or an urban park, and with as little as two hours in nature per week. Whether you’re traveling or staying home, build in time outdoors as part of your vacation, whether it’s taking a morning walk, skipping stones on a lake, watching the waves crash at the beach or picnicking in a small park. Being outside also provides open space and more social distancing (aside from the occasional crowded monuments or visitor centers).
Unplug. A 2017 Glassdoor study showed that two-thirds of Americans work on vacation. Doing so has been found to negatively affect intrinsic motivation and causes us to enjoy our work less. Unplugging from work is a big part of what makes vacation feel like vacation. It’s down time for our brains from the barrage of cognitive demands that come with our jobs. It creates the space for creativity to emerge and allows us to be fully present with our families or travel partners. My friend who went on the RV trip sans laptop and cell reception felt liberated and like he was able to truly slow down and reset. He let everyone know in advance he’d be unavailable during that time. My friend who rented the beach house brought games, puzzles, a good book, and some wine and relished being able to disconnect from work. To be sure, disconnecting can feel difficult — many people fear missed opportunities or the back-to-work email dread. Identify a colleague who can answer questions while you’re away and indicate this as well as how you’ll be following up (if at all) in your out-of-office message.
Create memories. Vacations are also great opportunities to create lasting, positive memories. Several studies show that recalling happy memories can head off stress, anxiety, and depression — something that is much needed in our busy lives and even more so in current times. Since it’s easy to capture the most enjoyable moments of our vacations with a smartphone, go ahead and record singing around the campfire while eating s’mores. Take pictures of the scenic views, your picnic spread, the fish your teenager caught, or the thousand-piece puzzle your family put together. You’ll enjoy revisiting these memories in the months and years to come.
As easy as it might be to keep on working and skip a vacation, don’t. Following the suggestions above can provide you with an experience that leaves you refreshed and re-energized, and you don’t have to go very far to do it.
In my case,
the best
H O L I D A Y
I take is the one
I DON’T. . .
I relax by working
. . .I know that sounds strange
but while I was recently off
I still conducted a steady stream of funerals
(WHICH IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST REASONS I BELIEVE I WAS BORN)
I read
I READ A LOT
I wrote
I WROTE A LOT
I walked
I WALKED A LOT
We one-day’d trips
WE ONE-DAY’D A LOT
otherwise I come down with a severe case of
LEISURE SICKNESS
(go ahead, GOOGLE IT)
It’s an illness
that attacks when you very suddenly come to a stop and start to relax, it throws your hormones off balance. This then, affects your immune system and makes your body vulnerable to getting sick. . .who knew that Adrenaline not only helps us cope with stress but actually boosts our immune systems to help fight infections, I know, I know, it’s the
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm of the Day
but here’s a sure-fire remedy:
PLAY JUST AS HARD
Now that’s some
H O L I D A Y I N G
we could not only all use
but benefit. . .

HOLIDAY ON
(it’s a great cure for color blindness, too)
The Sandbox

C O M P A S S I O N
never leaves with clean hands. . .
and the only time
OUT OF THE BOX
isn’t so great
is when it’s a
s a n d b o x
. . .just how much sand
is still in your sandbox
or has it all
l i t e r a l l y
been thrown away. . . ?

THE WORLD
is upside down
and off its axis
seemingly with no hope of
r i g h t i n g
itself
everyone seems to be grabbing for anything
that even remotely looks like
T H E I R S
(especially opinions)

JUST WEARING A MASK
(or not)
will get you labeled
and that’ll negate you
in blink-of-the-eye-quickness. . .
CASE IN POINT:
(from two acquaintances in a Facebook Discussion)
(ROB WROTE):
This shouldn’t be a political post, but offending people appears almost as easy as blinking these days and seems to happen with a near similar frequency.
Today I met with my neurologist via zoom. We discussed the current condition of my health and the reality that heat is a destructive force in my life. Overheating complicates my already fragile central nervous system and causes frequent pseudo exacerbations and tailspins that are difficult to describe. I won’t bore you with the details, but the Dr. told me that I can’t risk going out and being near people who aren’t wearing masks in these ongoing days of Covid. If I were to get a fever, it would be “very, very bad” for me, let’s just leave it at that.
Now I don’t know each of your views pertaining to mask wearing and, honestly, I marvel at its political ties, though I know that I shouldn’t be surprised. I’m just trying to send a reminder that some of us aren’t in a position to ponder the political angles, we are just trying to keep our heads above water and would like to not be permanently confined to our homes, where it sometimes ironically seems that we might drown for lack of oxygen.
I encourage you to think of adorning a mask as if it were an empathy enhancer, regardless of any other benefits it may or may not have.
Stay healthy, friends. One day we will hug again
(WENDY REPLIED):
I think what is interesting about this conversation is that your highly trained doctor says to wear one, but my highly trained doctor says not too. It is what makes this part of the mask conversation so hard. I too, am considered extremely immune compromised but my doctor does not believe they protect us and in fact believes they are harming us more and providing an environment for more virus to grow. I work as an essential employee, have not been sick, wear mask in limited capacity and have stayed healthy. Many doctors believe that this is why we are seeing virus transmission go up in areas that are mandating it. Also on the flip side of this, my mother, who is asthmatic and my uncle who has COPD, cant wear them without getting deathly sick. It is a unique conversation to each individual, their unique situation and their health care providers feelings on it. It should not be mandated by any government entity for that reason. I respect what your doctor is telling you for you, but it can’t be something that is mandated for everyone. We do not know each person’s unique situation which why judgement to wear or not wear should be something we as individuals should not be passing and should be an individuals decision to do or not to do based on these specific factors. What could save your life, might take my mom’s life. This is a very real thing we need to see in the true light for what it is. It does mean that many people like you can’t be out in the general population right now, but it should not mean everyone has to wear a mask because of that. If you wear one and stay socially distant, you will stay safe. I am sorry that the health factors make life more difficult for you during this time
(ROB REPLIED)
Wendy – Thanks for a thoughtful reply. I am of the opinion that some of your examples are the exception to the rule, but none the less, thanks for addressing the argument rather than attacking the individual. Tip of the cap to you.
Playing in the sandbox without getting
G R I T T Y
is not just possible or plausible
but actually
providential

Sand in the box
is never the problem
It’s always the sand
the seemingly unremovable sand
on the hands
between the toes
in the shorts
in the eyes
that causes the
not-so-nice-play
in the sandbox
GRIT
has its place(S)
but purposely
recklessly
deliberately
in the eyes
is never one of them
Sand in the box
is never the problem
as much as
s a n d
out of the box

We are way past the time
of playing nice
. . .it’s now time
to just
BE NICE
(ALWAYS)
(ALL-WAYS)

Mental CALISTHENICS

Ever since early MARCH 2020
when we entered into our COVID19 Pandemic
our heads have been jammed back with
F A C T S
some true
some false
some somewhere in-between
and it’s all been enough to literally make your head
E X P L O D E
so when you think you are literally
going out of your mind
real it all back in
(no duct tape necessary)
You’re not alone—people around the world are depressed, anxious, and stressed, some more than others.
KIRA M. NEWMAN is the managing editor of GREATER GOOD which is all about reeling it all in as it appears to be falling all out shares with us some great DO’S and DON’T’S. . .
Epidemiologists and virologists around the world are scrambling to understand and prevent the spread of the novel coronavirus. There is another group of researchers who are concerned about a slightly different foe: the mental health pandemic.

Facing an infectious disease, we have been forced to maintain distance from each other, all while going through levels of fear, uncertainty, job loss, and grief that are unprecedented for many people.
“In an ironic twist, many of the strategies that are critical to ensuring our collective public health during this pandemic may put people at greater risk for . . . mental health issues,” write Frederick Buttell and Regardt J. Ferreira at Tulane University in a recent, special issue of the journal Psychological Trauma.
In brand-new studies coming out of China, Spain, the United States, and other countries, researchers are discovering in real time how we are collectively coping with this worldwide event. The results are not uplifting, but they aren’t surprising either. We are suffering, some of us worse than others. You don’t have to have lost a job or a loved one to be affected. Humans are complex, and so are emotional responses to the pandemic.
When this all started, we learned how viruses spread and how to wash our hands like pros. Now we have lessons to learn about what happens to mental health in a crisis like this, so we can find ways to address it.
We’re anxious, depressed, and traumatized
As COVID-19 spread through China in January and February, researchers were already sending out questionnaires to citizens locked down in their homes. In half a dozen studies with over 10,000 respondents, they found that people were experiencing worse mental health problems than before the pandemic—high symptoms of stress, anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Up to half showed serious signs of depression (depending on the study), while up to 35 percent showed serious anxiety.
One survey followed over 1,700 people in 190 Chinese cities from late January to late February. During the height of the pandemic, their stress, anxiety, and depression didn’t change. Their symptoms of PTSD declined slightly—but they were still high enough to be worrisome. People weren’t getting worse, but they also didn’t seem to be getting used to pandemic life.
The results look no better in other countries. In late March, nearly 3,500 people were surveyed in Spain, when the country ranked second in the world in COVID-19 deaths. Many people met the criteria for clinical mental health problems: 19 percent for depression, almost a quarter for anxiety, and 16 percent for PTSD. Within a week after Slovenia declared an epidemic, over half of the thousands of people surveyed had high stress levels. In April, 14 percent of Americans were experiencing serious psychological distress, more than triple the rate in 2018.
And studies find that this stress and anxiety fuels poor sleep, creating a vicious cycle. The more we lay awake at night during the pandemic, rehashing worries we have no control over, the worse our mental health becomes.
Some of us are lonely, but not all
Stay-at-home orders and social distancing have left many people isolated, so it makes sense that we would be feeling lonely. And, indeed, nearly 1 in 7 U.S. adults said they were often or always lonely in April 2020, up over 25 percent from 2018. But when another group of researchers surveyed over 1,500 people in the U.S., they were surprised to find “remarkable resilience.” Not only did people not become lonelier over time, but they actually gained a greater sense of support from others from January to April.
All the phone calls and video chats with family and friends may be helping, write Martina Luchetti and her coauthors from Florida State University, as well as a new sense of togetherness. “Many people have felt part of community-wide efforts to slow the spread of the virus. The feeling of . . . being in this together may increase resilience.”
However, this hasn’t been true for everyone. People who are younger or living alone, or who have a chronic health condition, are lonelier than other groups. In fact, one study in the U.S. in April and May (before any restrictions were lifted) found that almost two thirds of people under 30 had high levels of loneliness, and 37 percent felt they had low support from their family.
“Feeling cut off from social groups may lead one to feel vulnerable and pessimistic about one’s circumstances,” write Cindy H. Liu and her coauthors.
In early April, the United Nations called for immediate global action to combat the increasing violence against women and girls during the pandemic.
The effects depend on your personality, lifestyle, and demographics
While older people have greater health risks from COVID-19, it seems to be younger people who are struggling emotionally. According to studies from Spain, China, and Slovenia, younger people tend to be more depressed, anxious, stressed, and traumatized in the era of COVID-19. The same is true for women, who may also be more lonely.
There’s no clear explanation for why this might be true, but researchers have some speculations. Women tend to have worse mental health in general, and certain stressors right now—like the added burden of caregiving and the risk of losing jobs—may fall more heavily on women.
For younger people, it could be the disruptions to their routines that are to blame, particularly for college students who have had to adjust to online schooling. In studies across both China and the United States, the more the pandemic was affecting people’s daily lives, the more anxious they felt.
Personality also influences how we fare in tough times. Two related traits that seem to matter during the pandemic are our ability to tolerate uncertainty and our ability to tolerate distress. While it’s hard for anyone to struggle or face the unknown, some people are less comfortable with it than others. And right now, it’s those people who seem to be ruminating more, feeling more afraid, and experiencing more depression, anxiety, and PTSD.
It’s worse for disadvantaged groups
In studies across the world, researchers investigated what else might make people vulnerable to mental health problems during the pandemic. They found a few key factors that put people at risk.
For one, people with poor health or chronic diseases tend to have higher symptoms of stress, anxiety, depression, and PTSD, several studies found. Of course, this might be because these are also the people with greater health risks from COVID-19.
Your income and education matter, too. The less stable your income and the less educated you are, studies suggest, the more anxiety, depression, and stress you will experience. The pandemic is threatening the economy, affecting everyone’s financial future, but the situation is worse for people who were already struggling. In a very real sense, we’re not all in the same boat.
“It is an inescapable fact that people lower on the socioeconomic ladder are struggling more”
―David Sbarra, Ph.D.
A Pew survey of nearly 5,000 Americans in April found that the lowest-income people were most afraid of getting COVID-19, too. “[While] Americans may be struggling with the emotional challenges of the pandemic, it is an inescapable fact that people lower on the socioeconomic ladder are struggling more,” says psychologist David Sbarra.
The effects are compounded by racism
Those unequal effects extend all the way to who lives and who dies.
In fact, Black people are more likely to be infected, less likely to be tested and treated, and less likely to survive if they get COVID-19. According to Andrea King Collier in an article for Greater Good, a history of racism means the Black community is confronting the pandemic with worse health, less access to care, and more distrust of the medical system.
That means they have more reason to be fearful for their own lives, and they are more likely to experience loss. In fact, Pew research suggests that more than a quarter of Black Americans know someone who was hospitalized or died from COVID-19, compared to 1 in 10 white Americans.
These hardships worsened after the police killing of George Floyd, a Black man in Minnesota. His death catalyzed nationwide protests for racial justice—but at the same time, many observers say, it made the pandemic even harder for many Black Americans.
“Black people have been hit on all sides with the threat of loss of life,” saysRiana Anderson, assistant professor at the University of Michigan’s School of Public Health. “It is exhausting. Depleting. Depressing. And absolutely an additional stressor.” She argues that family and community support is a strength of the Black community, but physical distancing restrictions have made it more difficult to access that power.
Other people of color are suffering disproportionally under the pandemic, too. Nearly one-fifth of Latino adults were experiencing serious psychological distress in April 2020; the CDC estimates that Latinos make up over half of the U.S. agricultural workforce, a group of essential workers whose jobs put them at greater risk of infection. Discrimination against Asians has risen since the pandemic started in Wuhan, China.
YOUR WORK SITUATION MATTERS
One of the biggest disruptions to our daily lives today is how the pandemic has affected our work.
Doctors, nurses, and paramedics are taking on the urgent task of caring for COVID-19 patients, while other essential workers are putting themselves at risk to sell food, deliver mail, and pick up trash. Many office jobs have transitioned to remote work, asking employees to isolate at home, with many precariously juggling work and care for children or elders.
Other people have been unable to continue work during the pandemic, waiting for the time when they’ll be called back, while some have been laid off entirely. Unemployment in the U.S. more than quadrupled from February to April, leveling off in July at 10 percent.
A Chinese survey in mid-February examined some of these work situations, though not all. What was clear is that people who are unable to work temporarily—even if they don’t get laid off—have worse mental health. And while working in an office might seem risky, it was the people working from home who were actually more distressed and less satisfied with their lives.
Caring for yourself and others
There’s a lot we don’t have control over in this situation, which is stressful in and of itself. You may have some of the risk factors mentioned above, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
But what can you control? That’s the first question to ask.
For example, research from 28 countries conducted in mid-March found that the more people used social media, the more fearful they were. Frequent social media users in China were more likely to feel both depressed and anxious at the same time. Part of the reason may be because, particularly when the pandemic was ramping up, it was the main topic of discussion online. If being on Facebook doesn’t feel good, consider putting limits on social media time.
Does that mean ignorance is bliss? No. Finding the right sources of information is key. In fact, Chinese people who were highly satisfied with the health information they got about COVID-19 tended to have lower stress, anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Being informed helps reduce uncertainty and anxiety—but overloading ourselves with information can also be unsettling. Online or offline, reading news or imagining worst-case scenarios with family, the people who spent three or more hours a day focusing on COVID-19 were more anxious.
Besides taking breaks from news and social media, practicing basic safety and hygiene could go a long way for your mental health. In Chinese studies in January and February, people who engaged in proper hand washing, wore masks, and avoided sharing utensils tended to experience less depression, anxiety, stress, and PTSD.
Since March, Greater Good has been sharing tips for well-being during COVID-19. For the most part, these are nothing new. In normal life and in a pandemic, we fare better when we try to stay connected in our relationships, cope with stress in healthy ways, and find a sense of agency.
But we can’t self-improve our way out of the pain and difficulty. What we’re going through right now is a trauma, or at least a major stressor on a global scale. This is one of those times when life really is harder by a little bit or a lot, depending on your situation. Feeling bad is part of being human—and right now, that’s something many of us need to face, even as we work to feel better, stay connected, and help others.

FACT:
There are no quick fixes
FACT:
Science
literally is happening in real time
with no time for
hypothesis
trials or errors
findings
evidence based data
r e s u l t s
FACT:
It’s a blend of our
HEART AND HEAD
that’ll give us
the best of what we
FEEL
and
THINK
to not just
survive
rise above
endure
sustain
but actually revive what COVID-19
can’t infect
THE HUMAN SPIRIT

How’s that for some
REAL-TIME
MENTAL CALESTHENICS
?
NORMALOCITY

W O W
Socrates said this around 390 B.C.
WHEN EVERYTHING WAS
N O R M A L
r i g h t. . . ?
N O R M A L
it’s an all day sucker with no taste
it’s a continent that doesn’t exist
it’s a language that can’t be spoken and never understood
it’s a day that never existed and can never be replicated
it’s a sun but never shines
it’s a holiday that’s never celebrated
it’s a now without a before or then
it’s a butterfly in Antarctica
it’s a pig driving a tractor
it’s a prisoner granting clemency to a judge
it’s and orangutan singing an aria
it’s a fortune with no value
it’s a nonexistent universal cure
it’s what you and every other individual personally and intimately says it is
it’s a dog who reads books by sleeping on them

N O R M A L O C I T Y
Not a city
Not a state
Not a country
Not a continent
Not GPSable
Because it’s often misthought
That it’s derived from
n o r m a l
A devastating
misunderstood
misused
stupid
dangerous
Word
Nitroglycerin On a Roller Coaster
That never found its tracks
Being Human
Human actually Being
Is hard
Really Hard
Which makes us feel
Like Chinese algebra
An equation
Which doesn’t equate
The piece of the puzzle
That never made it into the box
n o r m a l o c I i t y
coming to you at the speed of light
from an unknown source
that’s as real as your first breath
More uncertain than
Your last one

. . .and yet it’s this
N o R m A l
we seek
we yearn to
O W N
driven on by this sense of
awe
adventure
apprehension
knowing

Maybe the only thing that’s truly normal
is that nothing is normal
. . .it’s neither old or new
or anything we imagine in-between
. . .PANDEMICS
will make us wonder about such things as we question

Normal, right?
As normal as a masked man
waiting for you to read his lips

As Normal as a Pine Tree
growing out of a Pine Tree

Or dying from within a living one
reaching for the sky and some unknown limit

NORMALOCITY
a place that doesn’t exist
we continue to abide. . .
WISHLESSNESS

W I S H L E S S N E S S
is a Buddhist term
that kind of means
Y O U
don’t have to have something in front of you
to run after
IT’S ALEADY HERE
. . .Just walk your Path

Which took me down the tracks
t o:
The Carrot doesn’t need to be dangled
The Road doesn’t need to be traveled
The Gold doesn’t need to be mined
The Silver doesn’t need to be refined
The Prize doesn’t need to be won
The Treasure doesn’t need to be unearthed
Enter into the rarely journeyed
newly undiscovered World of
Wishlessness
to experience the uncharted
n o w
and find it’s not just an Everything
but an ALL
that needs no
replacing
enhancing

Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
r u n
t o
t h a t
and know

NOT so Random Acts

ALL-WAYS
r e a c h
for the hands
that need
c l a s p i n g
Not So Random Acts:
Science Finds That Being Kind Pays Off
This past Fourth of July weekend, I read an article from the New York Times that tell us, Acts of kindness may not be that random after all. Science says being kind pays off. . .
And my first thought was,
“SERIOUSLY, DO WE NEED THIS RESEARCHED OUT TO FIND OUT IF IT’S TRUE; THAT IT’S REAL. . . ?”
Research shows that acts of kindness make us feel better and healthier. Kindness is also key to how we evolved and survived as a species, scientists say. We are hard-wired to be kind.
Kindness “is as bred in our bones as our anger or our lust or our grief or as our desire for revenge,” said University of California San Diego psychologist Michael McCullough, author of the forthcoming book “Kindness of Strangers.” It’s also, he said, “the main feature we take for granted.”
Scientific research is booming into human kindness and what scientists have found so far speaks well of us; especially during this pandemic time.
“Kindness is much older than religion. It does seem to be universal,” said University of Oxford anthropologist Oliver Curry, research director at Kindlab. “The basic reason why people are kind is that we are social animals.”

We prize kindness over any other value. When psychologists lumped values into ten categories and asked people what was more important, benevolence or kindness, comes out on top, beating hedonism, having an exciting life, creativity, ambition, tradition, security, obedience, seeking social justice and seeking power, said University of London psychologist Anat Bardi, who studies value systems.
“We’re kind because under the right circumstances we all benefit from kindness,” Oxford’s Curry said.
When it comes to a species’ survival “kindness pays, friendliness pays,” said Duke University evolutionary anthropologist Brian Hare, author of the new book “Survival of the Friendliest.”
Kindness and cooperation work for many species, whether it’s bacteria, flowers or our fellow primate bonobos. The more friends you have, the more individuals you help, the more successful you are, Hare said.
For example, Hare, who studies bonobos and other primates, compares aggressive chimpanzees, which attack outsiders, to bonobos where the animals don’t kill but help out strangers. Male bonobos are far more successful at mating than their male chimp counterparts, Hare said.
McCullough sees bonobos as more the exceptions. Most animals aren’t kind or helpful to strangers, just close relatives so in that way it is one of the traits that separate us from other species, he said. And that, he said, is because of the human ability to reason.

Humans realize that there’s not much difference between our close relatives and strangers and that someday strangers can help us if we are kind to them, McCullough said.
Reasoning “is the secret ingredient, which is why we donate blood when there are disasters” and why most industrialized nations spend at least 20% of their money on social programs, such as housing and education, McCullough said.
Duke’s Hare also points to mama bears to understand the evolution and biology of kindness and its aggressive nasty flip side. He said studies point to certain areas of the brain, the medial prefrontal cortex, temporal parietal junction and other spots as either activated or dampened by emotional activity. The same places give us the ability to nurture and love, but also dehumanize and exclude, he said.
When mother bears are feeding and nurturing their cubs, these areas in the brain are activated and it allows them to be generous and loving, Hare said. But if someone comes near the mother bear at that time, it sets of the brain’s threat mechanisms in the same places. The same bear becomes its most aggressive and dangerous.
Hare said he sees this in humans. Some of the same people who are generous to family and close friends, when they feel threatened by outsiders become angrier. He points to the current polarization of the world.
“More isolated groups are more likely to be feel threatened by others and they are more likely to morally exclude, dehumanize,” Hare said. “And that opens the door to cruelty.”
But overall our bodies aren’t just programmed to be nice, they reward us for being kind, scientists said.
“Doing kindness makes you happier and being happier makes you do kind acts,” said labor economist Richard Layard, who studies happiness at the London School of Economics and wrote the new book “Can We Be Happier?”
University of California Riverside psychology professor Sonja Lyubomirsky has put that concept to the test in numerous experiments over 20 years and repeatedly found that people feel better when they are kind to others, even more than when they are kind to themselves.
“Acts of kindness are very powerful,” Lyubomirsky said.
In one experiment, she asked subjects to do an extra three acts of kindness for other people a week and asked a different group to do three acts of self-kindness. They could be small, like opening a door for someone, or big. But the people who were kind to others became happier and felt more connected to the world.
The same occurred with money, using it to help others versus helping yourself. Lyubomirsky said she thinks it is because people spend too much time thinking and worrying about themselves and when they think of others while doing acts of kindness, it redirects them away from their own problems.
Oxford’s Curry analyzed peer-reviewed research like Lyubomirsky’s and found at least 27 studies showing the same thing: Being kind makes people feel better emotionally.
But it’s not just emotional. It’s physical.
Lyubomirsky said a study of people with multiple sclerosis and found they felt better physically when helping others. She also found that in people doing more acts of kindness that the genes that trigger inflammation were turned down more than in people who don’t.
And she said in upcoming studies, she’s found more antiviral genes in people who performed acts of kindness.

YOUR Rainbow Connection
What is it about this song that it touches the heart of so many of us? How did this song become such a classic moment in Muppet history?
It all started in 1978 when Jim Henson was searching for a composer to write the music to The Muppet Movie. Since being a good friend of Jim’s since his appearance on The Muppet Show, the young Paul Williams got the job. “Rainbow Connection” was written to be the song to the Muppets as “When You Wish Upon A Star” had been to Walt Disney. In many ways, “Rainbow Connection” is also very similar to “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” from Jim Henson’s favorite film, The Wizard of Oz (1939), which was “an opening establishment driving urge for something more.”
Rainbow Connection was the first Oscar nomination for the Muppets, at the 52nd Academy Awards. Sadly, the song lost to “It Goes Like It Goes” from Norma Rae. While the Muppets would gain various other nominations throughout the years, it would be another 32 years until the Muppets would win an Oscar for best song (“Man Or Muppet” in 2012).
The song has had over 30 covers by noted singers including Sarah McLachan, Judy Collins, the Carpenters, Weezer, Willie Nelson, Jim Brickman, Jason Mraz, and many others. It was also performed by the Muppets themselves in The Muppets at Walt Disney World, The Muppets, The Muppets: A Celebration of 30 Years, and many more.
For many, the song is truly about finding yourself and following your dreams. This is the beginning for most Muppet fans, and where it all started. It’s where Kermit decides to leave the swamp and make millions of people happy, and the rest is history. Another reason might just be that Muppet fans know that they now have an entire screening of The Muppet Movie ahead of them.
This song gives the same message as Disney’s Pinocchio gave, which is really in essence, to believe in yourself, and follow your dreams. It sounds a little cheesy when I explain it like that, but that’s how I feel about it personally.
At the end of the film, when Kermit builds his family of all his friends who believe in him and share his dream (after the set gets blown to pieces), a rainbow shines through the hole in the ceiling, showing that Kermit had finally found his “Rainbow Connection” and is exactly where he wanted to be.
S T I L L
. . .the real question especially during our COVID-19
hazy, crazy Fog
isn’t so much
WHEN WILL THE SUN SHINE
FREELY
BRIGHT AGAIN
so much as:
What message do you think
The Rainbow Connection
is giving off
FOR YOU. . .
and maybe even more:
IS IT SHAREABLE
?
YOUR BRAIN on Loneliness

Your Brain on Loneliness
is like trying to read a small print
prescription bottle label in a pillowcase
with sunglasses on. . .
Murky
Foggy
A shadow of a shadow
A dream right before you wake up
that makes you question if it’s sleep
or a sad excuse of
sharp-sightedness
real or imagined
myth or fact
at best. . .
which begs the wondering
as we swim through this
COVID-19
s l u d g e:
How loneliness could be changing your brain and body
A growing amount of research shows loneliness could be linked to a range of health problems. Erin Carson recently reported some of these effects.

People were already lonely before the coronavirus pandemic hit. Before COVID-19 stranded folks at home and made getting close to others an unnerving experience, researchers were realizing Americans were lonelier than ever.
A 2018 study from health care insurer Cigna found that 54% of 20,000 Americans surveyed reported feeling lonely. In the span of a bit more than a year, the number rose to 61%. Generation Z adults 18-22 years old are supposedly the loneliest generation, outpacing Boomers, Gen X and Millennials, despite being more connected than ever.
Loneliness has hit epidemic proportions, said Doug Nemecek, chief medical officer at Cigna.
More troubling: A growing body of research suggesting that being lonely for a sustained period of time could be bad for people’s physical and mental wellbeing.
That same study from Cigna placed associated health risks on par with smoking and obesity.
An 2018 article in The Lancet described the situation like this: “Imagine a condition that makes a person irritable, depressed and self-centered, and is associated with a 26% increase in the risk of premature mortality.”
But these are strange times. As a result of COVID-19, keeping distance from others is the safest way to stay healthy, despite the fact it could compound feelings of isolation. It’s a new reason to consider how loneliness can impact everything from your brain, to your heart, to your immune system.
Why we get lonely
Loneliness might conjure images of being apart from friends and family, but the feeling runs much deeper than not having plans on a Friday night or than going stag to a wedding. Evolutionarily, being part of a group has meant protection, sharing the workload and increased odds of survival. After all, humans take a long time to mature. We need our tribes.
“It’s very distressing when we are not a part of a group,” said Julianne Holt-Lundstad, professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University. “We have to deal with our environment entirely on our own, without the help of others, which puts our brain in a state of alert, but that also signals the rest of our body to be in a state of alert.”
Staying in that state of alert, that high state of stress, means wear and tear on the body. Stress hormones like cortisol and norepinephrine can contribute to sleeplessness, weight gain and anxiety over extended periods of exposure, according to the Mayo Clinic.
The pandemic, Holt-Lundstad pointed out, is possibly the most stressful experience many people have had in their lifetime. Daily life has been upended, unemployment has skyrocketed and more than 6 million people around the world have been infected. Normally, immense challenges like those would have you seeking the reassurance and support of family and friends. But due to the nature of virus, people are at least more physically alone than ever, making it that much harder to cope.
Studying loneliness
Loneliness is something almost everyone can relate to, but scientists are still working to understand how and why it impacts health. One of the fundamental challenges of the research: Loneliness is a subjective feeling that can’t really be measured. Not even the size of a person’s social network can guarantee how lonely they are.
Holt-Lundstad said it’s a matter of asking people how they feel in surveys, either directly (how often would you say you’re lonely?) or indirectly (do you feel you lack companionship?).
NASA has been studying the effects of isolation and confinement on astronauts for years, coming to some of the same conclusions as myriad other studies: Isolating conditions can lead to cognitive and behavioral issues. Elsewhere, though, researchers are looking at biological aspects of loneliness and how it physically affects the body.
That can mean looking at brains. . .
Researchers at the Rush Alzheimer’s Disease Center in Chicago studied 823 older adults during a four-year period. They used questionnaires to assess loneliness, classifications of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease, as well as tests of the participants’ thinking, learning and memory, and assigned a loneliness score between 1 and 5. They found a person’s risk factor for Alzheimer’s increased 51% for each point on the scale.
Autopsies were performed on those who died during the study. Loneliness wasn’t shown to cause the “hallmark brain changes associated with Alzheimer’s disease, including nerve plaques and tangles, or tissue damaged by lack of blood flow.” However, one researcher involved in the study, Robert S. Wilson, said loneliness could make people more vulnerable to the “deleterious effects of age-related neuropathology.”
“Loneliness [can] be a good predictor of accelerated cognitive decline,” said Turhan Canli, professor of integrative neuroscience at Stony Brook University.

How exactly loneliness links up with health issues isn’t entirely understood. One idea, Canli said, is that if someone is lonely and feeling down on themselves, they might be less likely to take care of themselves. They might not eat right. They might drink too much, worry a lot, sleep too little. Habits like those can have longer-term effects.
Canli also talked about work he’s been involved in with another researcher at the Rush Alzheimer’s Disease Center, David Bennett, that explores how different genes are expressed in people who are or are not lonely.
Some 30 years ago, Bennett started a longitudinal study whose participants agreed not only to annual physical and psychological checkups, but to donate their brains when they died. Researchers looked at two regions of the brain related to cognition and emotion. They found genes associated with cancer, cardiovascular disease and inflammatory diseases expressed in those who were lonelier.
“There’s actually a network of connections between these different genes by which they can affect each other,” Canli said, “that might be an underlying genetic reason why these diseases might show up as a function of loneliness.”
That’s not to say loneliness causes heart disease. There’s more research to do, including the role heritability plays in gene expression. Earlier work by a UCLA researcher named Steve Cole suggested one possibility — that the release of certain hormones while under the stress of sustained loneliness could be activating certain genes linked to health issues.
“The subjective experience has to be translated somehow in the brain into biology, and so that’s that’s we’re looking at now,” Canli said.
Better understanding these relationships could one day influence therapies designed to treat patients.
The future of loneliness
Even as states are starting to relax lockdown orders and restrictions on restaurants, bars and other public places, the role social distancing could play in society is unknown. In April, Harvard researchers said intermittent social distancing could be necessary through 2022.
NASA astronaut Scott Kelly, who spent 340 days in space, wrote a piece for The New York Times in March, offering advice based on his experience. Kelly recommends keeping a journal, sticking to a schedule and getting a hobby.
Nemeck, from Cigna, noted that now more than ever, it’s more important to check in on others and be open to having honest conversations about feelings of loneliness, while batting down stigma attached to the feeling.
“We need to reach out to some friends and make sure we maintain those connections and have meaningful conversations,” he said. “It’s important for all of us to be comfortable asking other people how they feel.”
Loneliness, that most universal human condition, existed long before we could compare follower counts, of course. “Loneliness is and always has been the central and inevitable experience of every man,” wrote the novelist Thomas Wolfe. But it’s impacting an increasing number of people, according to studies, with some even warning of a loneliness epidemic. At least one scientist is working on a pill to ease its pain.
“Our culture has put upon us these expectations that if we’re going to be successful we need to have a huge network of contacts,” says Susan Matt, a history professor at Weber State University in Ogden, Utah, who specializes in the history of emotions. “That extra set of expectations makes the experience of aloneness even harder. Our grandparents, our great-grandparents, didn’t think they were going to have an average of 338 Facebook friends.”
Matt, along with Luke Fernandez, a computing professor at Weber State University, explore the connection between tech and emotion in their 2019 book Bored, Lonely, Angry, Stupid: Changing Feelings about Technology, from the Telegraph to Twitter. Scouring letters, diaries and memoirs, they found that even though our Facebook-free ancestors felt lonely too, they had more modest expectations about the number of friendships they should have. They also considered loneliness an inescapable part of being human.
Our forebears also weren’t confronted with endless Instagram-perfect vacation photos and posts about kids who seem incapable of anything but cuteness. Numerous studies have found social media can lead to feelings of depression, inadequacy and isolation as people compare their lives with everyone else’s carefully curated versions.
Many of the subjects Matt and Fernandez interviewed for their book talked about this sort of FOMO, or fear of missing out. “It made people’s anxieties more apparent,” Matt says, giving them a “sense that was something going on and they weren’t a part of, that sense of being neglected or abandoned.”
Loneliness, a big business
Technology, as COVID-19 has made more clear than ever, can link people in amazing and unparalleled ways. It crosses geographical borders, broadens communities and opens the world to those with otherwise limited access. But these benefits can come at a cost. “[Technology] can distract us with endless activities that occupy our mental bandwidth and prevent us from recognizing the dearth of relationships that may mark our social lives,” Aboujaoude says.
It can also prevent us from enjoying potential rewards of loneliness, and its close cousin, boredom. Both can, at least in limited doses, lead to self-awareness, creativity and a deeper appreciation for meaningful relationships.
But loneliness can be devastating, even terrifying. A dark veil. A weight on the heart.
“Loneliness and a dangerous world like the one we’re in add up to a challenging combination,” says Aboujaoude, whose books include Virtually You: The Dangerous Powers of the E-Personality. “They produce a sense of vulnerability and can make people feel they lack a safety net or lifeline. If not recognized and addressed, they can also contribute to depression and other negative mood states.”

Loneliness has other medical implications. Studies have linked loneliness to heart disease, diabetes, dementia and weakened immune systems, and it’s been called a strong predictor of premature death.
A 2018 survey from health services company Cigna found that nearly half of Americans report sometimes or always feeling alone or left out, though social media use on its own is not a predictor of loneliness levels. The researchers evaluated 20,000 subjects 18 or older using the well-established UCLA Loneliness Scale, a 20-item questionnaire developed to assess subjective feelings of loneliness and social isolation.
“The eternal quest of the individual human being is to shatter his loneliness,” journalist and author Norman Cousins wrote. We are inherently social creatures, with anthropologists saying our social interactions have played a major role in our evolution as a species.
Given how excruciating loneliness can feel, it comes as no surprise that hardware and software that promise instant connection hold such broad allure. If there is an epidemic of loneliness, it goes hand in hand with the imperatives of capitalism.Luke Fernandez, computing professor and author
“They’re intent on selling us cures for loneliness,” Fernandez says of companies marketing eternal connectivity. “That’s what social media is partly about, a way of commodifying and pathologizing loneliness and offering us a cure. If there is an epidemic of loneliness, it goes hand in hand with the imperatives of capitalism.”

Look no further than the constant parade of Zoom activities that fill our lives during lockdown to see that aloneness is a state many would much prefer to avoid.
“But nothing makes a room feel emptier than wanting someone in it,” poet Calla Quinn wrote.
The Cigna study found that people who engage in frequent meaningful in-person interactions have lower loneliness scores and report better health than those who rarely interact with others face to face. Researchers who study loneliness say technology can help establish and enhance meaningful connections. But it can’t replace them. What we’ve learned from coronavirus is the more we use technology, the more we actually want to be in person connecting to other people.Dan Schawbel, author
Schawbel cites research from Oxford University that found out of 150 Facebook friends, you can truly count on only four, on average, when you need a real friend. The kind who picks you up from the hospital after a procedure, helps you pack on moving day and listens to you dissect your breakup for the 16th time because you need to process it just once more, promise.
“If we know through all these studies that the root of happiness is relationships,” he asks, “why are we letting technology deceive us into thinking we have more than we have?”
Enter Zoom fatigue, the much-discussed condition du jour, which could end up being a harbinger of a renewed reach for connections beyond Facebook birthday messages.
“What we’ve learned from coronavirus is the more we use technology, the more we actually want to be in person connecting to other people,” he says. “It’s pushing us to be more human.”

And the best part. . .
When you’re busy making sure
S O M E O N E
else isn’t lonely
you have a sure fire personal
C U R E
. . .USE IT!
- « Previous Page
- 1
- …
- 43
- 44
- 45
- 46
- 47
- …
- 53
- Next Page »