Sometimes FUNNY is less HA HA HA
and a lot more of AHHHH-HAAAAAA. . .
Who Cares - What Matters
Sometimes FUNNY is less HA HA HA
and a lot more of AHHHH-HAAAAAA. . .
DARE WE BE QUIET. . .
DARE WE BE STILL. . .
NOW THAT YOU HAVE HEARD/SEEN THE POEM
R E A D
I T
KEEPING STILL Pablo Neruda (Translated from the Spanish by Dan Bellm) Now we will count to twelve and let’s keep quiet. For once on earth let’s not talk in any language; let’s stop for one second, and not move our arms so much. A moment like that would smell sweet, no hurry, no engines, all of us at the same time in need of rest. Fishermen in the cold sea would stop harming whales and the gatherer of salt would look at his hurt hands. Those who prepare green wars, wars with gas, wars with fire, victories with no survivors, would put on clean clothes and go for a walk with their brothers out in the shade, doing nothing. Just don’t confuse what I want with total inaction; it’s life and life only; I’m not talking about death. If we weren’t so single-minded about keeping our lives moving and could maybe do nothing for once a huge silence might interrupt this sadness of never understanding ourselves, of threatening ourselves with death; perhaps the earth could teach us; everything would seem dead and then be alive. Now I will count up to twelve and you keep quiet and I will go.
(My thanks for the poem to Pablo Neruda,
LIKE SO MANY TIMES WHEN POETRY POURS OVER ME. . .
IT POURS OUT OF ME IN A NOT SO QUIET SHUSHING:
Shhhhhhhhh
we were told
and often were offended
by this not-so-gentle
SHUTTING UP
but power it is
when we
Self-Shush
Even now
NOW
Do It
Shhhhhhhh yourself down
Hush Hush yourself
Quiet down
to a Peace that be found
no other way
Let the self-imposed Stillness
SCREAM at you
what you truly need to hear
(FALLING SILENT IS THE GENTLEST FALLING DOWN THERE IS)
NOW
shush yourself
(And have a HAPPY MONDAY in your own ‘shushed’ way)
Just when you thought you knew everything there was to know about
SNOW BANKS
well. . .there’s never not a time to
THINK AGAIN. . .
Sometimes I feel like a snow bank
that has never been found
seen
very unknown
and like a snow bank
especially one like that
I’m waiting
not for more snow
that could build upon me
add on
but for what can become
from me
maybe a snowman
maybe a snow fort
maybe snowballs
or maybe just someplace
something to be seen
to be recognized
to be identified
to be known
Sometimes I feel like a Snow Bank
waiting
w a i ti n g
until some warm rays
find their way to me
and thaw away
And remember. . .
before you completely melt away
P L A Y
HAVE FUN
Go get cold on purpose
and then go to your warm place and
R E M E M B E R
AWAY
Pretty good story and even a better way of having Mark Twain, uhhh, tell it, right? What made me dig a little deeper about this is the following:
Did you know that if you put 100 black ants and 100 red ants in a jar, nothing will happen? But if you shake the jar hard, the ants start killing each other. The red ants consider the black ants their enemies, and the black ants consider the red ants their enemies. The true enemy is the one shaking the jar. The same thing happens in human society. So, before we attack each other, we should think about who is shaking the jar!
Credit: Kurt Vonnegut
I sent this to my friend, Joe and we both concurred, “OH, YES! This is classic Kurt” who is one of our favorite authors going waaaaaay back to our high school and college days.
Where is gets even more interesting is that I searched exactly what book or article of Kurt’s did this come from only to find out it was often attributed to his great book, CAT’S CRADLE, but alas, further digging led me to another of my favorite, author’s, Mark Twain.
WHICH LEADS ME TO ASK ONE MORE OF A GA-ZILLION TIMES
WHO’S SHAKING YOUR JAR. . . ?
AND AN EVEN MORE IMPORTANT QUESTION:
WHO’S JAR ARE YOU SHAKING?
THE OXFORD ENGLISH DICTIONARY
THE O. E. D.
It’s been one of my constant companions since my college days. Way before that I had a love affair with WORDS and books filled with WORDS and poetry who plays with WORDS. . .
I N T O X I C A T I N G
Likewise
I like to know not only the root of the word and where it came from but also phrases and their origins, too. . .
L I K E:
People used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & Sold to the tannery…….if you had to do this to survive you were “Piss Poor”
But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn’t even afford to buy a pot……they “didn’t have a pot to piss in” & were the lowest of the low
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn’t just how you like it, think about how things used to be.
Here are some facts about the 1500s:
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June.. However, since they were starting to smell . …… . Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting Married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.. Hence the saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the Bath water!”
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof… Hence the saying “It’s raining cats and dogs.”
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That’s how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, “Dirt poor.” The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold.
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old. Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, “bring home the bacon.” They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would Sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive… So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer.
INTERESTING STUFF. . . ?
In my mind there’s only one thing more interesting:
P E O P L E
and the simple, powerful question of
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT
O R
even better,
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR YOU?
Yeah, I love me my words
(and people who use them)
L A S T
Friday, JANUARY 12, 2024 was
NATIONAL QUITTERS DAY. . .
It’s always the second Friday in January
and yes. . .
just in case you missed celebrating
LAST FRIDAY
(I gave you 5 extra days, just in case)
No WORRIES–
Monday, January 15 was
NATIONAL DITCH NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION DAY
. . .uhhhh, most likely you might have missed
THAT DAY, too
b u t
“Early slips do not predict failure,” says Norcross, who also authored the study about resolutions. “In fact, many ultimately successful resolvers report—even as they experience them—that the early slips strengthen their resolutions.”
ARE YOU ONE OF THE QUITTERS
ARE YOU ONE OF THE DITCHERS
Lot of questions. . .
especially when it surrounds
R E S O L U T I O N S. . .
DO YOU
Make T H E M
Keep T H E M
Break T H E M
. . .Uhhhhhhhhhh just like everything else. . .
There’s a SCIENCE
To Resolutions
and Most Definitely why they just don’t work. . .
GOOD NEWS ?
Only If there’s another alternative. . .
one that
T H E S T U D I E S
tell us are much more effective:
H A B I T S
How many New Year’s resolutions have you made in your life? How many have you successfully accomplished? The estimate is that less than 10% of New Year’s resolutions are actually achieved so says the good Psychology Professor John C. Norcross, Ph.D.). There’s a lot of homespun folksy advice out there this time of year about how to make sure you reach your New Year’s goals, but I thought I’d share the actual science of how to change behavior.
There’s two main lines of brain and behavior science that influence New Year’s resolutions: The science of habits and the science of self-stories.
Let’s start with the science of habits
A lot of New Year’s resolutions have to do with making new habits or changing existing ones. If your resolutions are around things like eating healthier, exercising more, drinkingless, quitting smoking, texting less, spending more time “unplugged” or any number of other “automatic” behaviors then we are talking about changing existing habits or making new habits. Habits are automatic, “conditioned” responses. You get up in the morning and stop at Starbucks for a pastry and a latte. You go home at the end of work and plop down in front of the TV. Here’s what you need to know about the science of changing existing habits or making new ones:
To create a new habit you have to follow these three steps (based on B.J. Fogg and Charles Duhigg)
If you take these three steps and you practice them 3 to 7 days in a row your new habit will be established.
Now let’s tackle the science of self-stories
The best (and some would say the only) way to get a large and long-term behavior change, is by changing your self-story.
Everyone has stories about themselves that drive their behavior. You have an idea of who you are and what’s important to you. Essentially you have a “story” operating about yourself at all times. These self-stories have a powerful influence on decisions and actions.
Whether you realize it or not, you make decisions based on staying true to your self-stories. Most of this decision-making based on self-stories happens unconsciously. You strive to be consistent. You want to make decisions that match your idea of who you are. When you make a decision or act in a way that fits your self-story, the decision or action will feel right. When you make a decision or act in a way that doesn’t fit your self-story you feel uncomfortable.
If you want to change your behavior and make the change stick, then you need to first change the underlying self-story that is operating. Do you want to be more optimistic? Then you’d better have an operating self-story that says you are an optimistic person. Want to join your local community band? Then you’ll need a self-story where you are outgoing and musical.
In his book, Redirect, Timothy Wilson describes a large body of impressive research of how stories can change behavior long-term. One technique he has researched is “story-editing”:
The technique of story-editing is so simple that it doesn’t seem possible that it can result in such deep and profound change. But the research shows that one re-written self-story can make all the difference.
I’ve tried both of these techniques — creating new habits using the 3-step method, and creating a new self-story. The research shows they work, and my own experience shows they work.
Give it a try. What have you got to lose? This year use science to create and stick to your New Year’s resolutions.
What do you think? What has worked for you in keeping your resolutions?
References
Timothy Wilson’s book, Redirect
Charles Duhigg’s book, The Power of Habit:
PEICE OF CAKE ?
Ooops. . .
Maybe the wrong kind of analogy, huh?
But if you’re going to get tough once and for all
on Resolutions
just 17 days into a brand New Year:
This BOOK is your Life
Your’s to CHOOSE
Your’s to DECIDE
Your’s to DETERMINE
If it’s open
If pages are to be Turned
If Chapters are to be RIPPED OUT
If Paragraphs are to be Deleted
If Sentences are to be Blackend-Out
Y O U R ‘ S
A brand new year
not because it’s 17 Days old
and very much in its Infancy
A B R A N D N E W Y E A R
b e c a u s e
. . .and so now the only
real question that makes any difference
this year
last year
next year
i s
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT ?
NATIONAL QUITTERS DAY
NATIONAL DITCH YOUR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION DAY
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. . .
You want a good Resolution?
Make a Resolution to be a
NO-SHOW
for those celebrations
(MAKE A HABIT OF IT)
QUIT THAT!
W A I T. . .
W H A T. . .
C H R I S T M A S
I S
O V E R
(UNLESS IT ISN’T)
THE DECORATIONS
and all of the festivities are down
and safely packed away
and now the memories
safely secured and kept
some 18 days
P A S T
christmas but. . .
I’m a firm believer that
Christmas isn’t a day
or a season
or a 12 Day song
so much as a
L I F E S T Y L E
and that the greatest
Christmas Moments
don’t come all at once
or on a given
day, season, song, event, occurrence
BUT ALL OF THE TIME
When I first saw this, I didn’t read the following caption/words; I let it shout everything I was seeing that my ears could no way hear but my heart heard perfectly…
The image above is an Anglican Rosary. It was made by the loving hands and intention of Reverend Rosalind Hughes at
Church of the Epiphany
Episcopal Church of Euclid, Ohio
This Rosary is made from a melted down gun that was safely surrendered through the Church’s Guns to Gardens program.
The wood is from the handle of the gun and the beads are from the metal.
I’m going to pray on this powerful Rosary of transformation, in order to release all my own personal triggers. I’m going to pray on it in order to ask for forgiveness for my own thoughts that are of judgment and attack.
I’m going to pray on it for the children of Cleveland and Gaza and Israel and Ukraine.
I’m going to pray on it for all of us. That we may learn to drop our swords, heal our triggers and find our truest safety by loving and caring for one another.
May you be blessed by loving kindness and mercy during this season of light. And may we all find our way towards uncovering the internal and ever lasting light that shines within us.
Blessed Be We. Love and Blessings to all.
When I read my colleague, my friend’s Mary’s post, I immediately reached out to her and asked her about this beautiful Rosary; I wanted one, and instead of telling me first where she got it, she actually brought me one she also had that had not been gifted to her but now she wanted to Gift to me. . .
Ohhh, but wait, CHRISTMAS IS JUST A DAY, A SEASON, A sentiment in a set of songs or carols, uhhh, not THAT DAY, NOT THAT MOMENT; THE GIFT, as it often is was THE GIVER and my, my my, did a get GIFTS from GIVERS who turn out so powerfully to be my most precious GIFTS of all. . .
I would like to think that I am not a humble Receiver but a most grateful Beneficiary of some of the most generous-blessed-wrapped-in-flesh-bestowers beyond imagination.
So when the 25th of every month comes around for the next 11 months and I shout out to you:
HAPPY PRACTICE CHRISMTAS
I hope it’ll have your Yule log glowing bright
and your Christmas Heart beating strong
And how about one last
GIFT
from this grateful Given
A great article by Rachel Wilkerson Miller and SELF Staff
shed new light on an old dimness we all need to look at a little differently to be a little
differently. . .
Are you feeling it already, some 10 days into a new year? January has, unfortunately, become the time of year when a lot of people feel a strong urge to punish themselves. Sure, they may do it under the guise of “health,”or perhaps they will dress it up as a “lifestyle change,” but it’s often rooted in something negative: The idea that they are not enough.
As a bunch of journalists who are constantly thinking about what it means to be truly “well,” we wanted to offer you something different and more positive for 2024: A set of gentle guidelines—rooted in science, empathy, and the SELF staff’s collective body of work—that will hopefully help you feel a little better this year. The reality is, “good health”might be hard to come by right now, especially because so many of the barriers are systemic—but even if that weren’t the case, we still wouldn’t want to give you a ton of rigid rules that feel oppressive or impossible to achieve.
The vast majority of our advice for 2024 is actually about doing less: eating less bland diet food, making workouts less intense, spending less time with people who make you feel crappy, experiencing less guilt about not being “productive”—because we know that it’s simply not possible to shame your way to a life of abundance. Removing the things that aren’t serving you ultimately makes space for more: More rest, more time spent on the folks and activities that energize you, more self-confidence, more joy. That last one might seem hard to come by, especially after another hard year, during which a lot of incredibly dark things happened…. But it’s all the more reason to take very intentional steps to feel good. You might not feel your best. You might not even feel great. But you can, maybe, feel a little bit better. And for 2024 that might be enough.
They’re a lot harder to cancel once your calendar is stacked! Pick a day this month, make yourself a tasty snack or drink, and take an hour or two to schedule the appointments you know you’ll want to put off in the months ahead—your annual physical, ob-gyn visit, dental cleanings, vision exam, skin check, and any regular testing you need to get done. If you’ve been meaning to start therapy, now’s the time to explore your options. And you might as well get your next haircut on the books too. —Alisa Hrustic
Frequent headaches? Ongoing nausea? These are all problems that should be discussed with your doctor, and frequency is going to come up—because there’s a difference between a symptom that’s occurring several times a week and one that’s happening every two months. Instead of guessing, try tracking recurring issues on your phone—Apple Health has a symptoms feature, and something as simple as your notes app works too. Having this kind of data will make it easier for your doc to see patterns and diagnose a potentially serious illness or offer treatment for a common annoyance. —Westry Green
When you take medication daily (or are juggling multiple prescriptions), it’s easy for the doses to blur together—and then you’ll have to decide whether you’d rather potentially skip a pill entirely or risk accidentally doubling up. The good news is that there are tons of great options when it comes to trackers, including physical ones you can attach to the bottle, daily pill organizers, and apps (like Bearable). Pick whichever one feels right to you, commit to it, and never doubt yourself again. —Rachel Wilkerson Miller
And then email them to yourself or put them in a specific photo folder on your phone that you’ll actually remember. Bonus points if you do the same with your contacts prescription, so you can easily order new lenses without having to tear your entire home apart. —Christa Sgobba
Use them to form the basis of your personal health file, which is a true game changer, especially if you’re living with a chronic condition. —RWM
I’ve written and edited a bunch of stories on sleep, and two of the biggest takeaways from the research are that bright light in the morning (ideally from sunlight) cues your body to wake up and stay alert, and darkness triggers the release of melatonin, which makes you sleepy. If you mess with those cues by keeping your blackout shades closed tightly in the morning or stalking your ex on Instagram right before bed, you throw off your internal clock and, therefore, your sleep. In other words, the darker your nights, the brighter your mornings. —Cathryne Keller
If you’re regularly schlepping a laptop, gargantuan water bottle, and/or any number of other heavy things in a flimsy shoulder bag that puts all that weight on one side of your body, know that it doesn’t have to be this way! Your shoulders, neck, and back will thank you if you pack less, choose smaller bags and distribute the weight between both sides of your body. Or, ideally, just get a backpack. Everyday aches and pains don’t always seem super pressing, but lightening your load is an easy way to routinely take care of yourself. —Amy Rose Spiegel
This includes things like aspirin, Tylenol, tissues, honey, tea bags, cough drops, a thermometer, etc. Because once you do start feeling that congestion or fatigue, you definitely won’t have the energy to get up out of bed and grab all of these essentials. Future you will be so grateful. —Jenna Ryu
Don’t wait until nasty bug season is already underway; plan to get your annual flu shot and updated COVID-19 vaccines the first week of October. —RWM
Why leave the lollipop-after-a-shot mentality behind when you reach adulthood? Looking after your physical well-being isn’t self-indulgence. Make a habit of treating yourself to something small and delightful (your favorite pastry, a trip to the bookstore, a self-care night, etc.) every time you check a box. It might even help you look forward to your next follow-up. —Grace McCarty
I’m sorry to report that going to bed earlier—as long as you’re tired enough to fall asleep quickly—works, and it works well. You’ll feel better the next day, and you really won’t be missing much by clocking out an extra half hour or 45 minutes earlier than you normally would. I understand the impulse behind revenge bedtime procrastination, but the liberation you’ll feel from saying, “Screw it all, I’m just going to sleep”—and the benefits you’ll reap each time you do it—make it very worthwhile. —Hannah Pasternak
Lately, folks on social media have been conflating having boundaries with being controlling. In actuality, boundaries are something you enforce on yourself, not on those around you. For example, if the way your friends act when they get sloppy drunk at a bar makes you feel uncomfortable, you can decide that you’ll simply leave when that happens. You’re not saying they can’t drink (that would be controlling); you’re just deciding how you’ll react if they do. Not only will having a plan in place ease your anxiety in social situations, but it’ll also set a healthy standard of communication for your relationships. —Jessica Kasparian
When you’re having a tough mental health day, week, month, whatever, getting yourself to prepare a meal, make your bed, answer texts, or work out can feel beyond difficult. You can let go of a lot of those tasks (this is what takeout is for!) but one thing that’s pretty much always good for your body and mind is to take a shower. Just get in! Even for two minutes. You don’t need to shampoo, shave, or scrub—just stand (or sit) there for as long as you can, do as much as you can or feel like doing, and get out. Why? Because you will actually feel better—even if only a little bit. You might still be depressed, but at least you’re clean. —HP
You don’t need to be an avid hiker to reap the benefits of getting outside (although hiking is a perfectly wonderful way to do that if you’re into it). Going for strolls in your neighborhood park (without your headphones!); picking up an outdoorsy hobby like birding, foraging, or gardening; or even bringing the outside into your home with lots of houseplants are all great ways to spark awe, be more mindful, and restore your spirit. If that feels too daunting, consider making it even easier for yourself: Watch the sun rise or set, gaze at some stars, go leaf-peeping in the fall, float down a river in the summer, collect shells on the beach…. All these things count! —AH
Sure, a nice long meditation session can do wonders for your stress levels, but chances are you don’t have an extra 20 minutes (or longer!) every day to sit in silence. (Also, 20 minutes is way too much if you’re new to this!) Instead of waiting until you have an extended period of peace and quiet, start practicing what you might call half-assed mindfulness: Meditate for one to five minutes each day. Even taking just a few minutes to center yourself can make you feel less anxious. —WG
Nor does it mean that you just wasted 45 minutes. You might have simply had a particularly good week or just weren’t in the mood to talk. Every session, dull or not, builds the connection between you and your therapist and teaches them more about you (and teaches you about yourself)—and they should get to see you on your good days too! —Ayana Underwood
It’s been said many times in many ways, but it’s just true: Everything—every feeling, experience, moment—is temporary. This mindset can change your life in two ways. The obvious one is that it provides a sense of comfort when you feel incredibly anxious or otherwise awful; it doesn’t instantly take the feeling away, but remembering that you’ve felt this way (and gotten through it) before really takes the edge off. The less obvious way is that it also helps you appreciate the good things: When you’re belly laughing with someone you love, reading a book on a cozy Sunday, or having a blast on vacation, mentally noting that you’ll never live these exact moments again helps you savor them. —CK
If you’ve ever put on a pair of shorts after a long winter and questioned your entire existence, we get it. But remember: It’s not your body—it’s the clothes! It can be extremely hard to part with items you once loved, but it’s normal for your body to change, and things that don’t fit you right now don’t serve you anymore. So for the sake of your mental health, be brutally honest: If you haven’t worn something in a year, it’s too big or too small, you don’t like the color or shape, or it simply doesn’t feel like you, donate it. You’ll open up space in your wardrobe to slowly curate clothes that help you show up as your best self—and you’ll eventually always have something to wear that makes you feel good. —AH
Being fat isn’t actually a death sentence. And more importantly, everyone deserves to be treated with dignity, regardless of their weight. The sooner you really internalize this idea, the sooner we’ll all be free of the body policing and shame-driven rituals that slowly sap our joy and make us less healthy, mentally and physically. (P.S. We’ve got tons of great reading on this topic to help you get started.) —RWM
One of the best ways to combat the anxiety and existential dread that is now par for the course during US presidential elections is to get involved at the state and local level. That’s where so many important decisions that affect our everyday lives—and health!—are made, and it’s an area where individuals can have real, meaningful impact. So identify a cause or candidate you care about, find a local group that is organizing around it, and make a plan to work with them all year. You’ll feel so much better come November, I promise. —RWM
When you’re pressed for time (so always), hobbies tend to be the first activity on the chopping block. Since they usually aren’t tied to your job, social life, or day-to-day survival, they can feel frivolous. But if you really love a hobby—and especially if it impacts your mental health positively—you should consider it a priority. That might mean saying no to the things you’re not terribly excited about, but it’s worth it if it ensures you have time for crocheting, baking, or another little hobby that feels essential to your joy. Think of it as happy homework. —GM
Spend a few weeks letting go of all of the perceived advantages of exercise so you can go deep into the discovery process: What kind of physical activity gets you excited, motivated, and joyful? Don’t know? Sign up for a trove of things with pals or on your own—boot camp, adult kickball, spin class, sword-fighting, juggling. (I actually did those last two!) Everything counts, and you’ll likely pick something up. Classes/meet-up groups are a great way to find new friends too! —Julia Sullivan
On a lockdown-era episode of the SELF podcast Checking In, pole dancing fitness instructor and trainer Roz “The Diva” Mays said that a workout should be like an ice cream sundae: “When’s the last time you said somebody had to force themselves onto an ice cream sundae? No. People usually like ice cream sundaes because they’re tasty and fun.” It’s a lot easier to find the motivation to move when you’re doing something you genuinely enjoy. —Sarah Yalowitz
Environment means a lot for your fitness routine—if you don’t feel comfortable, you’re not going to want to do it. So consider what you’re looking for in a fitness space: If you want to work out in a gym, do you feel more motivated by a social, class-based culture, or does a row of empty racks make you feel at home? Take advantage of free trials at gyms so you can try a bunch out and see what vibe works for you. And it’s totally fine if your space isn’t a public one. Claiming a corner in your living room or going for a run in your neighborhood can be just what you’re looking for. —CS
If you’ve never gone to the gym or a workout class before, it’s probably unrealistic to start going four times a week. Instead, make a goal to exercise once or twice a week; once you get in the habit of going you can add more if you want to. And don’t beat yourself up if you need to do less during hectic or difficult times in your life! Just reset your goal to meet yourself where you currently are. —JK
If you come from the “I have to do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio—ideally running or something similar—five times a week” school of thought, it’s time to familiarize yourself with what experts actually recommend. According to the CDC, most adults need 150 minutes of “moderate intensity” physical activity per week, along with two days of strength training. But “moderate intensity” can be defined as a “brisk walk”—which is something a lot of folks incorrectly brush off as not a true workout. And it gets even better: Per the CDC, if you are into “vigorous intensity” exercise (for example, jogging or attending a group cycling class), you only need to do that for 1 hour and 15 minutes total per week. Put another way: You truly do not need to jump on your Peloton and try to set a personal record every single day to be healthy. —RWM
Again, old-school ideas about what “counts” as exercise, coupled with the tacit idea that the main goal of exercise is weight control, have led a lot of people—particularly women—to prioritize cardio and avoid strength training entirely. But lifting weights is really, really good for you; it can increase your bone density, lower your blood pressure, make it easier to do the things you love, and help you avoid injuries. If health is truly your goal, make it part of your regular rotation. —RWM
Make sure to take ample rest between your sets, so you can challenge your muscles to move weight that feels challenging to you. That means one minute at the very least—and up to two, three, or even five—between sets if you’re really looking to maximize your strength gains. It might feel like you’re “wasting” time, but believe me, this is just as vital a part of the process as the actual lifting. —CS
It’s easy to be rigid about your schedule in the name of “health.” A much kinder strategy? Asking yourself before every workout: Do I really want to do this or would I rather do something else? You might still end up going with the original plan because it sounds fine and you don’t want to overthink it, but occasionally it’ll be very clear that your body wants to pivot (or cancel). And whenever you listen to your body, you’ll feel better—physically, yes, but also mentally, because it’ll remind you that you’re in charge of the experience. Exercise is a choice, not a mandatory punishment. —CK
Need a little breathing room on a weeklong visit to your sister’s house? You’ll be right back—you’re going to go for a run! Ah, sorry, you actually can’t make that after-work drinks with Ben from finance—you’ve got Pilates this evening and can’t cancel. You’d love to stay and chat, but you have to go get some weight training in before the gym gets crowded! This is my relationship to exercise, and I am pleased to report it’s made moving around feel less like a chore and more like a secret escape hatch that I very much enjoy hopping into, especially because I’m so rabidly social. You don’t have to actually look forward to it every time, but it’s likely going to be much more rewarding than doing something you sincerely and truly did not want to do. —ARS
As you get older, staying flexible reduces your risk of injuries, makes everyday tasks easier, minimizes aches and pains, and generally relaxes your body and mind. Right after you get out of bed (or even while you’re in bed), take a few minutes to stretch your neck, back, or legs. Set a reminder to regularly unhunch your shoulders throughout the day. Take a brisk walk and stretch your hips out during lunch. Embrace the forward fold after a long day. Release some tension before bed. These little bursts of movement take minimal effort and will help you feel so much better. —AH
If you’re noticing that a friend is pulling away from you or you’re coming away from group hangouts with a sour taste in your mouth, just…talk to your friend about it. You never know what might be going on—maybe the friend who has been absent lately is dealing with relationship issues and could use some support, or your besties are tip-toeing around you because of something unkind that your partner said at a recent group hangout. If you go into the conversation with the courage to be honest and a genuine willingness to hear their perspective, you might be surprised by how possible it is to reset and ultimately feel closer. —JK
It’s perfectly fine to tell your friend, host, or whoever in advance that you can only hang for a bit. That way, you’re making the effort to show up for your loved ones without sabotaging your mental health or forcing yourself to do something you don’t want to. And you may end up having more fun than you expected and decide to stick around even longer. —JR
You’re not alone if you regularly think, I wonder how [insert favorite person] is doing, maybe I should text them, and then you…don’t. Perhaps you get distracted, or you feel like you need to wait until you have the “right” thing to say, or you tell yourself that you’ll do it later (but later never comes). This year, commit to getting out of your own head and sending the text—or the voice memo, or the invitation to hang out—right away. No matter what happens next, you’ll feel better that you sent it, they’ll appreciate receiving it, and this simple action will make you both feel more connected in our very lonely world. —CK
Dinner or drinks is always a pleasant way to spend time with friends, but loud, crowded bars and restaurants aren’t the easiest places to catch up. Instead, consider an anything-goes twist on a hot-girl walk. It doesn’t have to be fast and it doesn’t have to be far. Walking side-by-side (versus sitting face-to-face) can make it easier to be vulnerable, which ultimately lends itself to the deep, meaningful conversations that make friendships stronger. —WG
Whether you’ve moved away or just have a packed schedule, visiting your friends in adulthood often becomes an “event”—you come together for celebrations and other big-moment stuff. That’s all great, but there’s something to be said about just being together. If you can, pick a time to meet up when there’s nothing big on the agenda. Cook, take a walk together, watch TV together, or just lounge around. There’s a comfort in doing this that’ll take you back to hanging with your friends after school, and letting them come by when you have dishes in the sink or you’re wearing sweats (and not the cute ones) helps build true closeness. —CS
Death and taxes are the only things in life that are supposedly certain, but getting irritated with your fellow human beings is likely third. If you regularly deal with the kind of traffic that makes you feel enraged, try to visualize other drivers as people you know who could use a bit of latitude—maybe an older relative or a slightly clueless nephew. The same holds true for customer service reps when calls aren’t going your way. It might not work every time, but it can help tamp down on overblown reactions you will later regret. —Theresa Tamkins
Don’t go looking at your ex’s insta, ruminate for hours on the coworker you can’t stand, or otherwise seek out information that you know is going to piss you off. You’ll end up feeling self-righteous at best, but that isn’t the same as feeling good. Please, we’re begging you, do literally anything else with your time. —RWM
If you’re already single, nice work, and if you’re with someone you love or otherwise feel great about, same deal. But if you’ve been hemming and hawing for quite some time about whether your relationship is really right: Rip it up and start again. Summon the self-respect (and respect for the other person!) to pursue a life that suits you better, and that you like more than just halfway. You’ll feel so capable and relieved. Get gone. Be free. —ARS
Figuring out what to eat…for every meal…every day…for the rest of your life? It’s a daunting task, but you don’t need to reinvent the wheel. You’ll need to experiment a little to find breakfasts, lunches, dinners, and snacks you truly love to eat over and over again—but once you do, add them to your weekly rotation and don’t look back. Think about recipes that have easy-to-switch ingredients so it doesn’t get too boring: soups, curries, stir-fries, sandwiches, flatbreads, you get the idea! You’ll streamline your grocery list so you always know what kind of basics to have on hand and significantly decrease your mental load when Wednesday night rolls around and you, once again, just want to eat something you like, clean up, and go to bed. —AH
If you’ve ever been in the throes of disordered eating or tried desperately to stick to a diet (so everyone?), you’ve probably spent way too much time obsessing about what you should eat and trying to fill your stomach with a bunch of “healthy” foods, which only left you physically full but still craving whatever you really wanted. There’s a better, healthier way! Before you have a snack or meal, ask yourself: What would be the most satisfying choice right now? Not just what would taste the best, but what would feel the best overall. Sometimes it might be a burger or a cookie, other times a roasted veggie bowl or a smoothie may call your name. Regardless, the more you listen to what your body’s telling you, the better—and less stressed about food—you’ll feel. —CK
If you struggle to slow down and take real breaks, make it part of your regular routine—and treat it like an important meeting you’d never cancel. This could look like 20 minutes each day when you leave your desk and go for a walk, sit in your car and read, or call your mom; it could also take the form of hours-long blocks every other weekend where you don’t make any plans and just do nothing. It takes practice, but just as you hold yourself accountable for your work, it’s important to keep that same energy with your rest. —Ashia Aubourg
It’s so easy to waste half of your relaxing evening because you’re scrolling, trying to decide what to watch or listen to. If that sounds familiar, try giving yourself a set amount of time (say, 10 minutes) from the get-go to weigh your options before you make a decision. Then stick to it. If you decide, say, 20 minutes in, that you’re really not feeling it, you can quit and try another one—but committing to something quickly will help ensure you spend more time unwinding than thinking about how to do it best. —CS
There’s something uniquely fulfilling (and, at times, healing) about seeking out the things that you loved growing up and allowing yourself to enjoy them all over again (even if they’re a little cringey). That might look like revisiting your favorite TV shows and albums from when you were in high school, or picking up the crafty hobby you haven’t done in a decade. You might learn something about how you’ve changed since that time in your life, but you could also come away feeling newly in tune with your younger self. —Sara Coughlin
In other words, try not to let your nightly scroll be the last thing you see or think about. Instead, read a couple pages of a book, shift into a quick meditation, or move through some gentle stretches. It’ll calm your mind, prepare you for better rest, and remind you that you and your beloved device are actually separate entities…. You do not have to power down the same second that it does. —GM
Stop doing them barefoot, in socks, or in slippers with zero arch support; your definitely-closer-to-late-thirties-than-early-thirties knees will thank you. And while you’re at it, stop wearing uncomfortable shoes while you’re out in the world. Life’s too short to feel like shit for the sake of fashion. —RWM
Sometimes, all we need to check something off our to-do list is a little support. —JK
W H E W
that’s a whole lot of bullet points
for a little gun
that’s not always a straight shooter
when we need to know it
point-blank. . .
but just remember
Now go out and live your best life’s
New Year’s Evolution
day by day
and each sacred moment
by sanctified moment
What a great song
WHAT A BETTER CONCEPT:
WE ARE ALL ADOPTED
in one way or another
traveling through this world as
one big family
each of us a member
trying to not only find our way
but be included in
A WAY
that’s far bigger than any
ONE OF US
but includes each and every one of us. . .
What are you doing right now
purposely
intently
intimately
to include Others
. . .to show them
. . .to make Another
feel like they belong and that they are going to
L O V E
I T
H E R E
Grant Snider over atIncidental Comics
reminds us:“The stories we tell ourselves shape our reality. We may try to box ourselves in, but we’re much more expansive and multifaceted than we think. Maybe if we tried to count our sides, they’d approach infinity—like a circle.”
(My thanks to Grant Snider.