I accepted two challenges recently
FOR PURELY SELFISH REASONS
ONE: Write Fifteen Poems in 9 days
TWO: Write 30 poems in 30 days. . .
W H Y
for me
it’s a form of meditation
of connecting
Me to ME
both reading and writing
p o e m s
so for these remaining four Friday’s
I’ll POEM You
Scary
waking up in a Robert Frost poem
that promises miles to go
while I’m trying to walk out of an inner forest
that’s dark and deep
robbing me of more sleep than a
Bank robber with a combination to the vault
on a deserted Sunday night
Feeling out of Season
Season’d
in a Season is unseasonally strange
gyping you
unless you love the surprise of
unopened gifts on Christmas’s in July
All ways inspiring an
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
begging for a welcomed
not-always-in-season’d
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
UNHAPPY HAPPINESS
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
The thing about
H A P P I N E S S
is that it’s not always H A P P Y. . .
World Happiness Report
Reveals More Sadness
and More Kindness During COVID-19
A global survey of subjective well-being looks at how our mental health and behaviors have changed during the pandemic.
When bad things happen—wars, pandemics, shootings—the optimists of the world tend to turn their attention to all the goodness that still exists: the heroic fighters, the frontline workers, the givers and the helpers. But are we just deluding ourselves?
Not if the 2022 World Happiness Report is any indication. Although the pandemic has certainly caused division, there has also been a sizable increase in helping, donating, and volunteering across the globe—so big that the researchers are calling it a “pandemic of benevolence.”
“All must hope that the pandemic of benevolence will live far beyond COVID-19,” write the University of British Columbia’s John F. Helliwell and his coauthors. “If sustainable, this outpouring of kindness provides grounds for hope and optimism in a world needing more of both.”
The World Happiness Report is based on the Gallup World Poll, which surveys around 1,000 people per country in nearly 200 countries every year. The key question, used to create a ranking of the happiest countries in the world, asks people to evaluate their life as a whole on a scale of 0-10, from the worst possible to the best possible. This year, the United States climbed from #19 to #16 in the world, just below Canada and Germany. The top 10 happiest countries were the following:
The Gallup World Poll also asks questions about whether people helped a stranger, donated, or volunteered in the past month. According to the report, the “pandemic of benevolence” began in 2020, with more people helping strangers than in the several years prior. That number continued rising in 2021, alongside more people donating and volunteering, as well. Comparing the several years prior to the pandemic to 2021, the average number of people per country who donated increased from 30% to 37%, while volunteering increased from 19% to 23% and helping strangers increased from 48% to 69%. This trend is even more striking given that, before 2020, charitable donations had been on a long-term decline globally.
The uptick in kind, helpful behavior happened in every region of the world, from North America to Southeast Asia to the Middle East and North Africa. Those increases were particularly high in places that had previously lagged on “prosocial” behavior, like Eastern Europe.
While kindness increased in 2020-2021, people around the globe didn’t actually become less satisfied, according to their evaluations of life as a whole. It’s possible that this global wave of caring may have protected our well-being during the pandemic, the researchers suggest.
“Since this sometimes comes as a surprise, there is a happiness bonus when people get a chance to see the goodness of others in action and to be of service themselves,” the researchers write. Several studies conducted during COVID support this interpretation, finding that giving to others, offering support, and volunteering boosted people’s positive feelings.
Not all of the World Happiness Report’s findings around COVID were so uplifting. For example, we did feel more sadness and many report having fewer and fewer people to count on as the pandemic went on. In line with other research, younger people seemed to have a harder time than their elders, experiencing more negative emotions.
But lately, there have been some signs of recovery. While we (particularly women) became more worried and stressed in 2020, we fared better on both in 2021. And through it all, we still managed to have positive moments—there was no change in the number of people who said they laughed, experienced enjoyment, or did or learned something interesting the previous day.
None of this is meant to minimize the extreme hardships and inequality that people have faced during the pandemic. The researchers acknowledge that the portrait they are painting may be slightly rosier than reality, thanks to the necessity of using more phone surveys, rather than in-person ones. These may not have reached the populations hit hardest by the pandemic: nursing home residents, the homeless, the parents who are too burned out to take a telephone call.
But—as in 2020—the story, at least from these data, is one of resilience. With a little help from each other, perhaps we are stronger and more adaptable than we think.
GET ON BOARD
Even if it’s the greatest train the world has ever seen it means nothing if it’s not on the tracks and even less if it’s on the tracks but immobile. . .
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
GET ON BOARD. . .
No one’s asking you to start a song that’ll get everyone singing
but if a 4 minute
UNEXPECTED
concert can break out anywhere
and put a song in your heart
a bop of your head
and the tapping of your feet
I M A G I N E
what you could do with even less
. . .grab a hand and join in
CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
ALL
A
BOARD
WHEN WINNING ISN’T
WINNING IS REALLY CONFUSING
AND OFTEN HARD
(Just because of its varied connotations)
B U T
When WINNING,
I S N ‘ T
often has nothing to do with actual wins and losses. . .
The winningest college basketball coach of all time,
Coach K, Mike Krzyzewski knows WINNING, because he’s done it 1,129 times; 101 times in the NCAA March Madness Tournament and is now heading for at least two more victories this coming weekend for his 103 wins and more importantly his 6th NCAA Championship as he will retire after this season.
T H E S E
no doubt will be some of the things that he will be known
and literally go down in Basketball history
(most likely to never be duplicated)
and yet it’s a winning that never involved a game or a tournament
that might well define Coach K
the most
to one:
Dear Coach K,
I’ve never met you, though you’ve walked past me many times on a stretch of beach called Pine Knoll Shores. I didn’t want to bother you, but wish I had known about your gift to Steve Mitchell. His departure from this earth has offered the story of a life well-lived. Steve was the man who sat behind you in Duke University’s Cameron Indoor Stadium for the last 37 years and I know you miss him this season.
He did a lot in his sixty plus years. He was born with Down syndrome and his family shrugged off the doctors and took him right home. He was integrated in an era that made his parents ground breakers; school or church, Steve was there. I am a special needs mama too and with parenthood comes advocacy, their forging a path has benefited so many. You called Steve “a good friend who had some challenges.” What a gift of inclusive language.
The story goes that in 1980 the only thing Steve Mitchell wanted for Christmas was a Duke basketball ticket, not an easy score, but Steve’s brother had a construction company and was hired to renovate the new coach’s, Mike “Coach K” Krzyzewski, house. He asked you how one might find a ticket to buy and explained his brother’s Christmas wish.
“He can sit behind me,” you said. Did you know how life changing that gift would be?
The following season, Steve wrote you a letter saying, “Coach, I know we’re going to have another great year. I was hoping that I could sit near you again.” You said yes to a family that may have heard no far more often. He wrote you a letter every year for 37 years and this is the first season that a ticket, reserved for one Steve Mitchell, isn’t waiting at will call. Steve would collect his ticket and make his way to his seat behind you (usually with the help of his favorite usher, Fran), a tradition that was life changing for his self-confidence, according to his family. You shook his hand before every game.
Thank you, Coach K.
Mamas of special needs kids know that kindness extends far beyond team affiliation and we know that our team is the best of all. Welcome to the club. And to Steve? Godspeed, my friend and thank you.
Love,
Adrian (Amos’s mom)
Just what kind of a never-to-be-forgotten
Caring Catalyst
A C T
will you offer today
that will forever change a life
(as it defines and enhances your’s). . .
THE HAPPINESS GRAB
IT’S THE ONE THING
THAT EVERYONE STOPS AND REACHES
whether it’s family
whether it’s work
whether it’s downtime
whether it’s personal as personal can be
H A P P I N E S S
but mere S-E-N-S-E. . .
Here’s a complete list of 100+ hacks we can use to boost important “happiness chemicals” such as dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins. These are the building blocks to living a happier and healthier life. Which are your favorites?
Dopamine (reward)
Dopamine is often associated with reward-seeking and goal-oriented behavior.
-
- Complete a small and easy task (making your bed, washing the dishes, send an email).
-
- Celebrate a small win (something you accomplished recently).
-
- Eat a healthy but enjoyable snack (in moderation).
-
- Complete a small puzzle or game.
-
- Reflect on a positive memory you had recently, however small it may be.
-
- Finish reading a chapter of a book.
-
- Clean one thing or go on a tidying marathon one afternoon.
-
- Practice a power-pose to boost your physical and mental confidence.
-
- Create a timeline for your goals to get a clearer vision of your future.
-
- Take a temporary break from a pleasurable habit (to reset your hedonic treadmill).
-
- Learn how to savor your positive experiences.
-
- Schedule something exciting in the future to look forward to (the power of anticipation).
-
- Buy yourself something nice, but recognize retail therapy is only a temporary fix.
-
- Take a break from social media, which can often lead to a “dopamine burnout” from easy likes and attention. Pay attention to your digital environment.
-
- Learn about a new and exciting topic, but don’t become an information junkie.
-
- Set a new goal for yourself (something realistic and attainable).
-
- Take personality tests or psychology quizzes to learn more about yourself.
-
- Make sure your diet includes important vitamins and minerals associated with dopamine production (especially iron, niacin, folate and vitamin B6).
-
- Put a fun twist on ordinary activities to make them more enjoyable.
-
- Find activities that put you into a state of “flow,” where you lose sense of time and become fully engaged.
-
- Consume more positive news – and share it with others!
-
- Complete a personal project or “passion project” that isn’t related to work or family.
-
- Identify a strength or “superpower” of yours.
-
- Recite positive affirmations that resonate with you and inspire you.
-
- Share an accomplishment of yours with someone who’d be proud of you.
-
- Play a video game you enjoy and you’re good at (in moderation).
- Cultivate a diverse range of interests and hobbies, so nothing ever gets stale.
Oxytocin (love/bonding)
Oxytocin is often associated with feelings of love, affection, and bonding.
-
- Give someone a long hug (or hug yourself).
-
- Play with a pet (especially a dog or cat).
-
- Play with kids.
-
- Cradle a baby.
-
- Give someone a genuine compliment.
-
- Wrap yourself in a comfy and warm blanket.
-
- Cuddle with a loved one (while in bed or watching TV).
-
- Volunteer for a cause that means something to you.
-
- Practice a loving-kindness meditation to cultivate good intentions toward everyone.
-
- Give or receive a massage or back rub.
-
- Spend romantic alone time with your partner.
-
- Embrace human touch, even in small ways such as a handshake or pat on the back.
-
- Prepare a meal together with someone you love.
-
- Collaborate on an art project with someone.
-
- Listen to someone who needs someone to vent to and provide emotional validation.
-
- Give a random gift or present to someone you care about.
-
- Tell someone you love them.
-
- Take a nice hot bath.
-
- Practice eye-gazing with a loved one.
-
- Empathize with someone who is less fortunate than you.
-
- Write a letter of appreciation for someone.
-
- Practice synchronized breathing or mirroring.
-
- Participate in a group music activity, such as a drum circle or choir.
-
- Use more “we”-language in your relationships.
-
- Reach out to a person you trust when you need support or someone to listen.
-
- Permit yourself to fall in love with someone and have a long-term relationship.
- Recognize your sense of oneness with everything.
Serotonin (happiness/mood)
Serotonin is often associated with mood regulation and happiness.
-
- Practice meditation, such as a simple breathing meditation.
-
- Go for a long walk.
-
- Spend more time outside nd learn to appreciate everyday nature.
-
- Sit in the sun and enjoy it (especially when boosting mental health in the winter).
-
- Pursue a creative hobby, such as painting, music, photography, or filmmaking.
-
- Listen to your favorite music, one of the most common ways we regulate our mood and emotions.
-
- Do more aerobic exercises like swimming, running, or cycling.
-
- Think kind thoughts about yourself to practice self-compassion.
-
- Practice a progressive muscle relaxation to relax both your body and mind.
-
- Go to a live event, festival, or concert.
-
- Engage in more “awe”-inspiring experiences, like star-gazing, going to a museum, or visiting the zoo.
-
- Identify one thing you are grateful for every day – make gratitude a daily mental habit.
-
- Write in a daily journal about your thoughts and feelings (or try one of these writing prompts for self-reflection).
-
- Maintain a consistent and healthy sleep schedule between 6-10 hours every night.
-
- Train your mind to be more positive. Try to minimize complaining and talking about problems too much.
-
- Drink green tea.
-
- Consume high protein foods that contain tryptophan such as salmon, turkey, eggs, and nuts (or take a supplement).
-
- Improve your body awareness through mindful stretching, Yoga, or Tai Chi.
-
- Consume healthy probiotics in your diet (yogurt, kombucha, sauerkraut, pickles, and fermented foods).
-
- Find opportunities to engage in healthy reflection.
-
- Have a genuine and meaningful conversation with someone (know the difference between small talk vs. big questions).
- Participate in a religious or spiritual ceremony.
Endorphins (energy/pain-killer)
Endorphins are often associated with stimulation, energy, and feelings of relief (pain-killers).
-
- Laugh a lot with friends.
-
- Watch a comedy movie or funny TV show.
-
- Go for a long run (also known as “runner’s high”).
-
- Have an intense workout at the gym.
-
- Engage in a competitive activity.
-
- Pursue extreme sports (surfing, biking, skateboarding).
-
- Eat dark chocolate.
-
- Engage in positive thrill-seeking (like amusement parks, rollercoasters, or skydiving).
-
- Dance to fast and upbeat music.
-
- Take a cold shower to shock your body and boost your adrenaline.
-
- Practice improvisation exercises where you can engage in spontaneous creative thinking and playful risk-taking.
-
- Do something you’ve always wanted to, but you’re nervous to try. Learn how to channel anxiety into motivation.
-
- Eat really spicy foods.
-
- Engage in a healthy but lively debate about a topic you care a lot about.
-
- Approach new people you want to meet, even if it’s a tiny 10 second relationship.
-
- Go to a fun and wild party or night club.
-
- Do a quick high-intensity workout (cycle through jumping jacks, push-ups and crunches).
-
- Have passionate sex with your partner.
-
- Learn how to play a musical instrument at a high level.
-
- Perform something in front of an audience (such as a song, poem, or speech). Face your performance anxiety.
-
- Enjoy a glass or two of red wine at night.
-
- Get a chiropractic massage, deep-tissue massage, or try acupuncture.
-
- Challenge yourself and put yourself in a situation you know you will fail. Setting yourself up to fail on purpose can be a great way to test your limits.
-
- Sit in a hot sauna or jacuzzi.
-
- Smell euphoric essential oils such as lavender, rosemary, or citrus fragrances.
-
- Practice fast and powerful breathing to boost your energy levels.
- Watch a really intense drama or thriller movie.
Are you getting a healthy dose of all these “happiness chemicals?”
GUARANTEE?
ABSOLUTELY:
NONE OF THESE 100+ HAPPINESS HACKS
Will ever happen
unless you
try’s on for size. . .
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, what do you have to lose??
H A P P I N E S S
WHAT’S YOUR VERSE
WOW. . .
how could it be that this movie,
THE DEAD POET’S SOCIETY
came out in. . .
ANY GUESSES?
1 9 8 9
A new English teacher, John Keating (Robin Williams), is introduced to an all-boys preparatory school that is known for its ancient traditions and high standards. He uses unorthodox methods to reach out to his students, who face enormous pressures from their parents and the school. With Keating’s help, students Neil Perry (Robert Sean Leonard), Todd Anderson (Ethan Hawke) and others learn to break out of their shells, pursue their dreams and seize the day.
AND IT BEGS
THIS QUESTION:
Just what will your verse be?
H I N T :
If you use words
you’ve already failed. . .
Forget about iambic pentameters
or does it rhyme
is it free verse
or what the length of any poem is
You are the living version
of what needs to be seen
and experienced
and not just read
or merely written. . .
Now more than ever
the Verb of You
Your Caring Catalyst
needs to be known
more than any Noun of You
needs to be represented. . .Just sayin’. . . .
W A R
Serbian saying: “In war the politicians give ammunition, the rich give the food and the poor give their children… When the war is over the politicians get back the leftover ammunition, the rich grow more food and the poor search for the graves of their children.”
WORDS
W o R d S
are all pretty meaningless
even if they are
ACTION WORDS
until they are
LIVING WORDS
THE WORLD IS MADE UP OF DEAD ENDS
DESOLATE
WAR TORN PLACES
(and that’s not even talking about the wars that are being waged in ourselves)
It reminds me of the words of the poet,
Warsan Shire
For the World’s sake
For your sake
(Literally) For God’s sake
we’ve got to Caring Catalyst UP
not Someday
(which can never be found on anyone’s Calendar)
but TODAY
IT’S time to BE
what the World needs
right where you are at
and to everyone you touch. . .
A CHANGE OF HEART
It’s been two years now. . .
not only has the our World changed dramatically because of COVID19
but quite literally, so has our
H E A R T
(l i t e r a l l y)
US News
just recently came out with some not so startling news about how this past year,
particularly, the GRIEF that it’s caused
has rewired our Hearts and our Brains. . .
AMERICAN HEART Association News, HealthDay Reporter, By Michael Merschel
On WEDNESDAY, March 10, 2021 (American Heart Association News) — Grief is a common, if not universal, human experience. But that doesn’t make it simple.
It’s psychological, but it affects people physically. It’s a matter of science, but scientists who discuss it can sound poetic. Dr. Katherine Shear, professor of psychiatry at Columbia University School of Social Work in New York, calls grief “the form that love takes when someone we love dies.”
COVID-19 has both brought grief and disrupted the way people experience it. But researchers have been examining grief since well before the pandemic.
Simply defining it can be difficult. Shear, who also is director of the Columbia Center for Complicated Grief, said “there are pretty much as many different definitions of grief as there are people.” Commonly, it’s thought of as a feeling, like sadness. That’s not wrong, she said, but it’s more accurate to call it “the response to loss,” a complex and multifaceted thing with yearning and longing at its core.
Its health implications are serious.
A 2014 study in JAMA Internal Medicine showed that within 30 days of their partner’s death, people ages 60 and older had more than twice the risk of a stroke or heart attack compared to people who hadn’t suffered such a loss. That followed a 2012 study in the American Heart Association journal Circulation showing the danger of a heart attack was highest in the first 24 hours after the death of a loved one and people with existing cardiovascular problems might be at particular risk. . .(GO AHEAD: READ THAT AGAIN!)
Other research has linked grief to disrupted sleep, immune system changes and the risk of blood clots.
Dr. Lisa M. Shulman, professor of neurology at the University of Maryland School of Medicine in Baltimore, said much of the physical effect of grief stems from how our brains respond.
The stress from the death of a loved one jolts our personal identity, our view of how we fit into the world, Shulman said. It sounds like a philosophical problem, but the brain is built to perceive an existential threat as a threat to our very existence.
This triggers what most people know as the “fight or flight” response. Stress hormones course throughout the body. “Your heart starts racing, your blood pressure increases, your respiratory rate increases, you become sweaty, as the body marshals defenses for you to protect yourself, one way or another,” Shulman said.
Someone who has experienced a traumatic loss, she said, might feel such a response kick in when they enter a restaurant that reminds them of a loved one, or even when someone brings them up in conversation.
But people don’t grasp why. “Instead, you just feel this incredible, physiologic response and a rising sense of anxiety, or even panic. And you’re flummoxed by it.”
Shulman understands this firsthand. Her interest in the neurobiology of grief followed the loss of her husband, Dr. Bill Weiner, a fellow neurologist, who died of cancer in 2012.
Despite her prior experience in dealing with grieving patients, she was unprepared for it herself. The first two years, she said, were particularly difficult. At times she felt disoriented, confused, in a fog – responses that are the brain’s attempts to dissociate itself from emotional pain.
Such reactions can make a bereaved person feel isolated, she said, because people feel their problems are unique. But after writing the book “Before and After Loss: A Neurologist’s Perspective on Loss, Grief and Our Brain” and giving regular talks on the subject, she’s found talking with others can help. That is why the pandemic has made things extra difficult for people who’ve been cut off from the comfort of others.
Many people have identical experiences with grief, she said – right down to the same dreams.
“People do respond very positively to the message that the experience of grief and loss can be normalized by understanding why and what you’re feeling,” she said.
Grief can reinforce brain wiring that effectively locks the brain in a permanent stress response, Shulman said. To promote healthy rewiring, people need to strengthen the parts of the brain that can regulate that response. That can involve “a whole range of creative and contemplative practices,” from painting to meditation or expressions of faith.
Journaling helped her. By writing about disturbing memories or troubling dreams, “you can read it over in your own words and annotate it over time. And as you do that, you are becoming increasingly aware of these unprocessed thoughts, memories and emotions. And that is the way you start to rebuild more positive neural connections.”
Shear said having someone to confide in – even if it’s by video call, phone or letter – is important.
Grief, she said, is a lengthy path, marked with milestones people must face – and detours where they can get stuck. Her center offers a website full of information about grief. So does the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Grief never just goes away, Shear said. “If the loss is permanent, then so is the grief, because we’re defining it as a response to loss.”
But the way people experience grief is fluid. It can shift over the course of a day or an hour.
“It will naturally kind of surge and then recede,” she said. “We sort of oscillate between confronting the pain of the loss, and then being able to kind of set it aside or compartmentalize it.”
Eventually, it can evolve to a place where it resides mostly in the background, with only occasional periods of stronger, noticeable thoughts and feelings about the person who died. And in time, people find ways to let good memories in without triggering stress.
“We never have no response to the fact that someone we love died,” she said. “But it does change its form over time.”
American Heart Association News covers heart and brain health. Not all views expressed in this story reflect the official position of the American Heart Association. Copyright is owned or held by the American Heart Association, Inc., and all rights are reserved. If you have questions or comments about this story, please email editor@heart.org.
The Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm of the Day:
Why do we see GRIEF as a weakness;
Why do we see GRIEF as something to get OVER;
Why do we keep spelling it:
G-R-I-E-F
instead of
L- O-V-E
A CHANGE OF HEART
you betcha. . .
JUST A BEAT AWAY
LOUD LOVE
This short clip called
SILENT LOVE
(LIVE AND BE FREE song by, Tim McMorris)
really lets us know not just how
OUTRAGEOUSLY LOUD LOVE IS
but more importantly
A LANGUAGE we all speak
with no words ever needed
no ears necessary
no mouths speaking
to powerfully prove that when
L O V E
any kind of Love
is present
NOTHING ELSE EVER HAS TO BE
YES
CARING CATALYST ME
t h a t
so that every heart may not just know
LOVE
but share it
LOUDLY
without a word spoken
but known intimately
McNOTICED
I got McNOTICED
yesterday morning
going through the drive through
for my egg McMuffin. . .
as he took my money,
he was staring at me
and then said,
“Sir, you had the funeral service for my grandmother,”
he swallowed hard
and his eyes filled up with tears and then he said,
“You did really, really good. . .thank you.”
We both paused
just short enough for those behind me
to begin McHONKING. . .
I swallowed just as hard
and thanked him for
(literally)
McNOTICING ME!
We both
McLAUGHED
and bid each other a good day. . .
GET McNOTICED
and more. . .
do something to make sure you’re never
McFORGOTTEN!
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