The Caring Catalyst

Who Cares - What Matters

Feeling IT

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(You can find a number of helpful coronavirus resources and all related Tiny Buddha articles here.)

“When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting and less scary.” ~Fred Rogers

If you are a human on earth at the moment, you’re likely feeling the uncertainty and anxiety of living in the time of a pandemic. It’s not something we have seen before in our lifetime, so every step is a new one, and the end is unknown and nowhere in sight.

Everyone is coping in their own way. Some are fearful and anxious right now. Others insist on staying on the positive side. Still others are in denial and perhaps will feel the emotional effects later or when it hits their area. Or, more commonly it seems, we have some combination of all three at various times throughout the same day.

It’s all normal. . .
Until it’s not

I was minding my own business Monday night
when the news slapped me across the face
and alerted me about Dr. Lorna Breen, a front line New York City ER Doctor who had to not only deal with the COVID-19
but herself was infected and had recently recovered from it
and had just started back to work
before being sent back home to Virginia
to recover further with her family. . .

Dr. Breen, 49, did not have a history of mental illness, her father said. But he said that when he last spoke with her, she seemed detached, and he could tell something was wrong. She had described to him an onslaught of patients who were dying before they could even be taken out of ambulances.
“She was truly in the trenches of the front line,” he said.
He added: “Make sure she’s praised as a hero, because she was. She’s a casualty just as much as anyone else who has died.”

Listen,
I haven’t missed a day of work since we have been sheltered in place
but I haven’t knowingly dealt with any patient that has tested positive for COVID-19; I have witnessed thousands of deaths, some terribly filled with suffering but none with this disease who have had to not only endure dying but often without any one, let alone a cherished love one, by there sides.
I HAVE NO IDEA
no understanding
and no personal willingness to find out. . .

I have come to realize there is no right or wrong way to feel emotionally. Everyone is doing the best they can based on their own coping style and I have the awesome blessing of merely
c o m p a n i o n i n g
them
instead of trying to
FIX THEM

As a life-long recovering people-pleaser,
I used to try to talk people out of their feelings,
make them feel better
by taking over responsibility for their emotions. . .
Essentially,
I had to fix them to make myself feel better. . .

H E Y

People have a right to be angry.

Everyone has the right to feel anxious.

It is not my job to judge how anyone reacts to life. . .
It’s theirs. . .

It is my job to be a compassionate witness to their suffering and to my own suffering. . .

Every day
I go back to School to learn this lesson
It’s a hard subject to learn
(if it’s even a possible goal)
Life as an empath
One who feels intensely,
can sometimes feel you are being tossed around
in a tiny boat in an open ocean,
with no solid ground. . .
When some are looking for
GROUND ZERO
others are just looking for a piece of solid sod
to plant their feet. . .
It’s a terrible feeling.
So we struggle,
we fight,
we gasp for air,
and occasionally come up to breathe
for long enough to see
the sun setting on the horizon
and better still–
TO SEE IT RISE AGAIN
in the Morning

We wonder
don’t we
how other people seem to live easier,
to ride the waves smoother
and leave storms behind
as they head for calmer waters. . .
Until we find out that we see and feel things differently,
more acutely,
and have to learn the skills to row efficiently,
with the wind,
and in the preferred direction
without a broken compass. . .
It’s one thing to be a little boat
getting tossed about
and it’s another to do it without
a life jacket. . .

During this time
when the world can feel overwhelming
and too,
too much,
just take the time
to do a little check up
from the neck up

Notice where you are, who you are with, and what you are doing.

Breathe into the tight areas and imagine
breathing out your compassion
into the world.

If someone you are with is anxious, can you stay present and breathe?
If not, take a break and find compassion for yourself.

Notice what you are consuming—news, stressful or needy people, violence in movies or TV;
decrease and take lots of nature breaks. . .

It’s real easy to see
and to know
that we are all in this together
but it means nothing
unless we act like it
BEGINNING WITH OURSELVES

N O W
THAT IS
FEELING IT

MORE than JUST

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I’ve always been captivated
by a
Mustard Seed
it’s size
it’s might
it’s story(S). . .

There is an old Chinese tale about a woman whose only son died. In her grief, she went to the holy man and asked, “What prayers, what magical incantations do you have to bring my son back to life?”

Instead of sending her away or reasoning with her, he said to her, “Fetch me a mustard seed from a home that has never known sorrow. We will use it to drive the sorrow out of your life.” The woman went off at once in search of that magical mustard seed.

She came first to a splendid mansion, knocked at the door, and said, “I am looking for a home that has never known sorrow. Is this such a place? It is very important to me.”

They told her, “You’ve certainly come to the wrong place,” and began to describe all the tragic things that recently had befallen them.

The woman said to herself, “Who is better able to help these poor, unfortunate people than I, who have had misfortune of my my own?”

She stayed to comfort them, then went on in search of a home that had never known sorrow. But wherever she turned, in hotels and in other places, she found one tale after another of sadness and misfortune.

The woman became so involved in helping others cope with their sorrows that she eventually let go of her own. She would later come to understand that it was the quest to find the magical mustard seed that drove away her suffering.

From a
T H A T
came
T H I S
which always makes it so much more than a
J U S T

How is it
the tiny 
holds the infinite 
tirelessly
endlessly
without us all bearing
its weight

Which be you
A mustard seed Farmer
A mustard seed Sower
A mustard seed Cultivater
A mustard seed Harvester
A mustard seed Distributor 
A mustard seed Holder

There’s only one thing better
than the unnoticed 
in the each of us
A mustard seed Giver

We 
the tiny mustard seed
don’t need faith
its size
but the unblinded eye
to even fuzzily see
we’ve always possessed it
all ways
been possessed by it
without rarely harnessing it

How
how it is
the infinitesimal 
holds the immense
held in the each of us
tirelessly
endlessly
if not 
in each’s other
for an ever
Oh uprooter of trees
mover of mountains
making us more than
j u s t s
How


A HOLY PLACE

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I’ve always thought that
THE HOLY
was never a Place
so much as
A PERSON
and more intimately. . .
Y O U
and from that came
THIS:

I went to Church
it wasn’t Church-ing

I went to the Playground
it was no longer a ground for play

I went to the Movies
they weren’t movie-ing

I went to the Show
it wasn’t showing
I went to the Concert Hall
it had been silently hall’ed away
I went to the Park
it was prohibitedly parked

I went to the Mall
it had indefinitely been mall’ed shut
I went to the Store
it had been mostly stored away
I went Home
it had been homed sheltered up
and though familiar 
so utterly unrecognizable 
and then
Then I journeyed in
to a cavern
to a nook
to a creaky cranny 
I seldom visit
And there
t h e r e
was the holy
an altar not often knelt before
a communion rarely shared
a hymn not yet sung
a litany never recited
a homily vaguely strange
(maybe imagined)
a benediction
challenging to go forth
and make a difference 
while urging me to stay
and know a sacred distinction
May be
(be it may)
that what’s Holy
is THAT which is
WHOLLY 
ME
Perfectly Imperfect
ME
Ahhhhhhhhhhh
Christmas, Easter, New Year’s Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, Eid Al-Fitr, Eid Al-Adha, Diwali, Holi, Vesak, Parinirvana Day, Chinese New Year’s
At Once
Wholly
Holy
In Me

First(ALL)Responders

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A picture doesn’t always have to have a caption,
does it. . . ?
and although
this picture
could have many captions
one might be:
MANY HANDS; ONE WORLD
or would it be
THE WORLD IN OUR HANDS
or would it be
RESPONDERS US, ONE IN ALL

We’re all first responders amid coronavirus, armed with kindness, compassion and empathy. . .

Mark Brennan, Dana Winters and Pat Dolan, Opinion contributors from USA TODAY have basically reported what really needs no captioning right now for the picture of our World. . .

Fred Rogers said heroes are those who take responsibility. He also said ‘deep and simple’ acts are most meaningful. We should take his words to heart. . .

“We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It’s easy to say, ‘It’s not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.’ Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes.”—Fred Rogers

We are now fully feeling the impacts of the COVID-19 pandemic.  In previous weeks perhaps it seemed imaginary, but now we are faced with a new very daunting reality.  As the scope of pandemic becomes evident and our daily lives are increasingly altered, the absolute need for us to act heroically with empathy, kindness and compassion is ever present. 

Through our research and professional experience, we know one key thing: In times of emergency, providing empathy, kindness and compassion to our fellow citizens is the single most important factor in surviving the initial stages of disaster, limiting suffering, protecting the vulnerable, and quickly recovering in the aftermath of the crisis.

As we have seen, this epidemic is bringing out the best, and worst, in us.  At its worst, we are witnessing people speaking out as fear, frustration, uncertainly and massive disruptions to our daily routines grow.  With these we see increases in victim blaming, intolerance, hostility, and at its very worst, violence stoked by racism and the promotion of xenophobic beliefs. We saw recent examples in London, New York and elsewhere.

We are all first responders

This frightening and uncertain environment also exacerbates social isolation, particularly of the most vulnerable within our society, the old, the ill, the very young and the socially marginalized. The social and psychological toll of this is, and will be, massive.

In the face of a global pandemic, we as individuals are the first responders. Thankfully, we are also seeing inspirational acts — examples of the world sharing responsibility for and with one another, and people giving support to others in their communities even in the face of social-distancing, quarantine and fear. 

In a movement across social media, educators of all levels are reaching out to families to offer expertise and assistance in their sudden new responsibility to home-school their children. Countless posts offer caregivers help in content areas such as math, reading, and science.Laura Ryan does a chalk art message on March 21, 2020 in Swoyersville, Pa. as neighbor Lindsey Stewart watches with her son Seth, 2.

Laura Ryan does a chalk art message on March 21, 2020 in Swoyersville, Pa. as neighbor Lindsey Stewart watches with her son Seth, 2. (Photo: Dave Scherbenco, AP)

In a Tennessee retirement community under quarantine, a son worried about the well-being of his mother and her friends. He turned that worry into action when he brought his guitar and sat outside the windows, serenading the residents who watched through their screens or stood on their balconies. Some sang along, some just listened, but they all felt a sense of connection to the music and each other. Taran and Calliope Tienof Columbus, Ohio, ages 9 and 6 respectively, are providing impromptu concerts for their self-isolating elderly neighbors.

An Irwin, Pennsylvania window-washing company recently advertised “free grocery pickup & delivery for seniors” on a billboard outside its headquarters, and it’s been fielding calls for help ever since. Similarly, Nevada college student Jayde Powell organized “shopping angels” to collect food, prescriptions, and necessary supplies for the elderly, limiting their possible exposure to the coronavirus. The idea has spread across the country and the Nevada group’s GoFundMe account on Monday was more than a third of the way to its $100,000 goal.

Erin leaves notes on our mail box every day for the mail man;
ANOTHER RESPONDER
as a way to say
THANK YOU
without the words
but with
a c t i o n s
. . .actions
that can come from any one of us
not just once
or once in a while
but often
and then repeated
u n e n d i n g l y. . .

These acts of kindness, compassion and empathy continue to grow across the world, and will grow far faster than any seeds of division if we commit to making them more important than hatred or fear. 

‘Deep and simple’ acts are essential

Sometimes the world can look so big that it is hard to know where to start to show kindness, compassion and empathy. It is times like this when the words of humanitarian and children TV presenter and educator the late Fred Rogers ring true: “The deep and simple is far more essential than the shallow and complex.” Even the simplest acts of kindness, compassion and empathy are felt so deeply in times of uncertainty. No act is too simple, no moment too small, to bring comfort and healing. Now is a chance for all of us to act heroically. 

You have the ability and opportunity to ease the fear of children and others by talking to them about what this crisis and ensuring them that scientists and doctors are going to fix this. You have the ability help ensure the health of the elderly by shopping for them to limit their potential exposure, while talking routinely with them to help them feel less isolated and alone. You can challenge victim blaming and hateful speech when you hear it. You can donate time, money, food and your skills to support any need in your community. 

These are but a few small examples. What is important is that you look for opportunities to demonstrate empathy and kindness, and act on them.

Finally, we look back to history. Faced with war, disease, disaster, terrorism and other threats, those we remember for making a difference are those who showed compassion, kindness, and empathy to fellow human beings in their greatest hours of need. These qualities are at the core of our humanity and our capacity to respond and recover from this current crisis.

Together, and supported by each other, we will get through this. . .
We are literally showing the greatest way to get out of Hell
IS THROUGH IT. . .
so we do
. . .we do
one step at a time
and we do it best
HAND IN HAND
(and it may never require touching but it’ll always mean reaching)

What’s In It FOR ME?

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It’s a fair question
(normally)
and many right now would say
It’s a FOUL question
(way out of bounds):
WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?
B U T:

Helping Others Can Help You Cope with our current
Lockdown. . .

In the time of coronavirus,
turning outward
is a win-win prospect. . .

 ELIZABETH SVOBODA, author of, WHAT MAKES A HERO? THE SURPRISING SCIENCE OF SELFLESSNESS has a few ideas about what we know, what we know we know, what we’re especially most afraid of proving what we know
e s p e c i a l l y
when we’re unsure of
NOW
as much as any
TOMORROW
or next week
or next year
or just
N E X T

It’s easy to feel, these days, that we’re swirling in a coronavirus-induced vortex of helplessness. In many regions, COVID-19 case counts are jumping dramatically. Health care workers face impossible decisions about who to disconnect from ventilators. And those of us who remain well must comply with “stay at home” orders, which anchor us in place as the needs of people around us keep growing. 

Our first instinct may be to hunker down and protect ourselves and our immediate families. But to get through these times with our sanity and well-being intact, we may need to push back on this initial impulse—to turn outward, not just inward. Research shows that when we put a high priority on reaching out to others, our own mental and physical health flourish. 

It’s a rare win-win proposition in a bleak landscape: In helping other people get through this crisis, you can help yourself in equal measure. “It’s a way of reframing your existence,” says bioethicist Stephen Post, “getting out from the negative vortex and feeling free to do something that is meaningful.”

Helping buoys the helper,
not just the recipient. . .

While we’ve never faced a foe quite like COVID-19 before, doctors and scientists have studied what happens when people pull together and help others after a setback. About a year after the 2008 financial crisis, when thousands of people lost their jobs and homes, Post and his Stony Brook University colleagues surveyed 4,500 Americans about their volunteering habits and their mental health. 

In the wake of the financial downturn, rates of volunteering were higher than they had been the year before—and that bump came with clear psychological benefits. 

Eighty-nine percent of people felt happier overall thanks to their helping efforts, and 78 percent reported that volunteering helped them better deal with disappointment and loss. About three in four volunteers felt less stressed. Many respondents reported making deeper friendships by connecting with other helpers. 

“When people feel vulnerable, they can take their mind off the self and the problems of the self, and just experience the simple gratification of contributing to the life of another human being,” Post says. “That’s how people were coping.”

Helping also buoys us mentally because it directs our focus away from scary abstractions and back toward concrete, solvable problems. One of this pandemic’s defining features is the numbing parade of numbers—new cases mounting by the thousands, hospitals inching closer to capacity overrun. 

Psychologist Paul Slovic has long contended that our brains check out when we consider the abstract fate of large populations: We aren’t fully equipped to process what it means when a small town’s worth of people dies each day. Concentrating on what individual people need, on the other hand, motivates us to help—and we then reap the benefits that come with that decision. 

At the height of a pandemic, it seems especially relevant that helping promotes robust physical health, as well. 

In a 2013 study of adults over 50, those who volunteered regularly were 40 percent less likely than non-volunteers to have high blood pressure years later. And incredibly, frequent volunteers have lower mortality rates across the board. A Stanford University team reported that, over an eight-year period, people who volunteered occasionally had a 25 percent lower risk of dying than those who didn’t help—while people who volunteered frequently were 33 percent less likely to die. 

Creative stay-at-home helping ventures about. . .

But how do you help people when you’re stuck at home?

Social distancing and shelter-in-place restrictions do put some volunteer opportunities out of reach, especially for members of high-risk groups. It’s enough to make you want to give up; just throw your hands up in the air and literally walk away or just hunker down deeper. . .However, motivated helpers have found plenty of creative ways to serve others remotely. 

When doctors and nurses in the San Francisco Bay Area started running out of personal protection equipment (PPE), thousands of people donated surgical and N95 masks, face shields, antiseptic wipes, and other materials to Kaiser Permanente and other health care organizations. 

After medical students around the country were pulled from clinics, fourth-year University of Michigan student Marina Haque launched an online community under the hashtag #students_against_covid to support and amplify the helping efforts of future doctors. Some students, Haque says, are caring for the children of doctors on the front lines, while others are reaching out to local labs that can donate PPE to hospitals. 

In Boston, high school teacher Randi Stern has created an uplifting newsletter called The Daily Drop, complete with suggested lockdown activities, book recommendations, and inspiring quotes. She sends it regularly to her friends and family. “It calms me for a couple hours each day,” Stern says. “It’s also nice to get emails back in response to what I’ve written.” She enjoys fostering social connection at a time when so many are hungry for it.

On an even more individual level, Kara Loewentheil, a life coach and host of the Unf*ck Your Brain podcast, is offering free web meetings and coaching calls to help people stay grounded and optimistic during the coronavirus pandemic.

Efforts like these are “the key to staying sane, I think,” Loewentheil says. “When we focus on others, we get connected back into the community and big picture and out of our stress-response brain.” 

Matching your strengths
to the right opportunities. . .

We tend to get caught up in thinking that only medical personnel and first responders can make a meaningful difference during this crisis. Yet in the coronavirus era, “simply reaching out to people is being helpful and heroic in small ways,” says University of Richmond psychologist Scott Allison. “Each of us can make a positive difference by tapping into our strengths and sharing them.” 

In a shelter-in-place context, that might mean teaching a free online math class to kids who can’t attend regular school, or a few minutes a day doing Skype check-ins with lonely members of your social circle.

You don’t have to commit full-time to these practices to make a major difference in others’ lives—and your own. In Post’s study, most volunteers “weren’t overdosing. They were volunteering on average 100 hours a year,” he points out. “If you wanted to space that out, you’re talking about a couple of hours a week, more or less.” 

Thinking about helping as an incremental venture, rather than an all-or-nothing one, may help you overcome any initial inertia. Even making a donation to a helping organization whose mission you support—which may take less than a minute—can boost your well-being measurably. 

If you live alone and you’re in good health, you may be eligible for essential helping roles that involve a higher degree of risk. Food banks around the country desperately need volunteers at community centers to distribute produce and pantry staples to households in need. Opportunities like this require you to weigh the positive impact you can have against the likelihood of contracting the virus.

In stepping into a helping identity in times of hardship, Post observes, you can embark on a kind of inner journey philosopher Martin Buber described: the transition from an “I-It” mindset, in which you see other people as peripheral objects in your own universe, to an “I-Thou” mindset, in which you relate to others as worthy, complete beings in their own right. This journey mirrors Joseph Campbell’s vision of finding your highest self in the act of helping others. It’s also a productive alternative to waiting impatiently for a coronavirus vaccine.

“‘They’re gonna come up with something’ is passive,” Post says. “Volunteering is an active form of hope.”

So back to that question:
WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?
SOMETHING
always equals more than
NOTHING
It’s the simplest
the easiest kind of Math
to ever understand
and it’s universally
u n d e r s t o o d
without fail
What’s in it for me?
E V E R Y T H I N G
or absolutely
n o t h i n g
YOU
CHOOSE

A LOST GIFT

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Like most film clips, this one found me
and more than just finding me
it’s message pierced my heart
and when your heart gets pierced
most of the time 
it beats differently
(at least for a short amount of time)
until it gets pierced again
(and again, and again:
AND IF YOU’RE TRULY ALIVE
countless more times)

Writing in his journal 9 year old Abeer
speaks of his frustrations 
with having to always prove himself
at home
at school
at playtime with friends
never really ever being allowed to 
just be himself

His heartfelt
and eye-opening words
remind us that each child is 
wonderfully and awesomely 
u  N  I   QU  e
and should not just be 
S  E  E  N
as such
but most especially 
cherished
treated
as such

The right-between-the-eyes-straight-through-the-heart-message:
DON’T LOOK AT WHO YOUR CHILD COULD BE
BUT WHO YOUR CHILD IS

As Abeer 
points out so powerfully:
IF CHILDREN TRULY ARE THE BEST GIFT
YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSE TO FIX THE BEST GIFT;

It shot me back to a powerful scene 
from the movie
G L  A  D  I  A  T  O  R

When Joaquin Phoenix’s character, Commodus
is crying for the approval/acceptance of his father,
Richard Harris’s Marcus Aurelius
at which time Aurelius 
sushes his son and says,
“YOUR FAULTS AS A SON IS MY FAILURE AS A FATHER.”

I have had so not proud moments
with each of my children
and when I have blatantly known them
(mostly at that very moment)
I have apologized

I know the greatest blessings of my life are 
my family;
My wife
my children
my grandchildren
my sister and brothers
my parents
my nieces and nephews
my cousins

For me.          .          .
some of the worst moments in my life
is when I have not noticed 
T     H     A     T
Or Worse. . .
when I’ve tried to tamper
TO FIX
what’s ultimately
never been broken
IN THEM
(but not always in me
(FOR, OR BECAUSE OF ME)
Maybe the truest GIFT 
now
is knowing it
and never knowingly do it
a g a i n. . .
To make my love less of a Roller Coaster
and more like the greatest
AMUSEMENT PARK
any person who knows me
(especially children)
could ever visit and
(. . .and better)
NEVER LEAVE

A Helpers Helper

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We have to hit the rewind button on this
but even all the way back into the early 70s
I remember there was a product
which is still out there today
HAMBURGER HELPER. . .
The reason this was invented
and used
and still popular
is because it takes a little bit
and makes a whole lot;
it enhances. . .
In this upside-down-topsy-turvy-earth-literally-on-its-axis-time
we kind of need a helper
well. . .
to help
don’t we?
I’ve been working in healthcare since about 1988
as part-time chaplain at several area hospitals
and full-time now since 1994 with hospice. . .
I’ve always seen myself as an auxiliary
Helper
I, in no way
have ever seen myself as the main guy;
FRONT LINE
. . .In fact,
I’m almost embarrassed to say that I work in healthcare
when everybody’s getting free coffee
extra special shopping hours
and even free burritos
because they are
F R O N T L I N E
Even though I’m still working in an inpatient unit
and seeing patients and families
I, in no way,
 see myself as a first responder
or as a helper
or even a Final,
a Last Responder
even though I’m still doing funerals and graveside services. . .
I have always first
and foremost
seen myself as a
Helper to the HELPER;
It literally has not already
defined my entire life
it is severely enhanced it. . .
Aren’t we all THAT:
H E L P E R S
Have we failed to notice
what is so recognizable before each of us. . . ?
Not only to be a Helper
but at the very least
H E L P E R S
to the Helpers
That’s what it means to
HOLD SPACE
That’s what it means
especially at this very moment
To not only be significant
but also to make some sense
out of why we are all really
here now at this very
i n s t a n t

I have never performed brain surgery
or mended together broken bones
. . .at the very best
I’ve held hands
and cared for broken hearts
held space for tired spirits
listened to what a heart shouts
but a mouth can’t ever imagine whispering;
I literally
have tried to be
all things to all people
not that I can save them
so much as serve them
not always as they deserved
but but always as they have needed. . .
To help bring some light to the darkness;
To be for them–
patient
family member
or first responder
final responder
what no one else
in that very instant
could ever be for them. . .
Now the not so big Secret:
We all have the capacity
To be Helpers
To Be Responders. . .
I have the upmost respect
not just for the medical doctors
not just for physician assistants
not just for nurse practitioners
 not just for the nurses
not just for the social workers
not just for those most blessed health aides
but for all those who recognize
and see themselves as
Helpers to the Helpers. . .
Who isn’t THAT person?
A First
A Fair to Midland
A Middle of the Roader
A Near the Ender
A Final
R E S P O N D E R
. . .label me what you will
but for the sake
of us all
I hope to never be known as a
NON-RESPONDER. . .
THIS THING
we are all dealing with right now
is not by Chance
(no accident)
It’s the Beginning
of one of the possibly
Biggest-most-epic-world-wide-challenges
in our lives
so far
. . .or it isn’t
It’s time to be a
A RESPONDER
A HELPER
A HELPER’S HELPER
It’s time to play Nice
at a not-so-nice time. . .

Who will be?

Who won’t be?

WHO WILL YOU BE. . .

It’s time to be more than a
MASK WEARER
it’s now
O U R
T I M E
to be
HELP-BEARER


The Boat Holds Us ALL

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We’ve often wondered if maybe
THE BOAT WAS BIG ENOUGH
and over these past few weeks
the question has been answered
THERE IS NO ONE ON THE SHORE
We are all in the Boat
that’s getting rocked
and at times
seemingly taking on more
w a t e r
than it might be able to handle
. . .but with all of this rocking about
and the absence of a
SURE
SHORE
we are finding
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
y e s
we are all in
this boat
t o g e t h e r

SO. . .
Does Our Culture Affect Our Motivation to Be Kind
as we find our spot
in the Boat. . . ?

A recent study suggests that kindness makes us happy across cultures—with some subtle differences.

 SHANNA B. TIAYON is a journalist that started to look around the bow to take a look at that question and how it finds an answer in US

When you perform an act of kindness for someone, what’s your motivation? Do you think about how it will make the beneficiary feel, or how it will make you feel—or maybe you don’t think about the benefits at all?

The answer might depend on what culture you belong to, hypothesized the researchers behind a new study. However, exactly how this works isn’t so cut and dried, as they found out when conducting experiments in the U.S. and South Korea—reminding us that we have a lot to learn about how kindness works in different cultures.

The experiments included nearly 650 undergraduate students from public universities in the U.S. and South Korea. As the researchers explain, the U.S. is generally considered an independent culture, where individuals see themselves as autonomous and are more focused on individual rights, while South Korea represents an interdependent culture, where individuals see themselves as connected and most interested in the good of the collective. 

On the first day of the study, participants reported on their positive and negative feelings, their life satisfaction, and their feelings of connectedness with others, among other things. Then, participants were randomly assigned to read news articles that highlighted one of the following themes: 1) the benefits of kindness to self, 2) the benefits of kindness to others, or 3) the personal benefits of being organized (the control group). 

Next, all participants were asked to perform as many acts of kindness as they liked before the end of the week, as long as the acts took place on the same day. As examples, the researchers suggested “helping your parents cook dinner, doing a chore for your sister or brother, helping a friend with homework, visiting an elderly relative, or writing a thank-you letter.” On day eight of the study, participants repeated the same well-being surveys. 

The results showed that U.S. students who read about the benefits of kindness to self experienced increases in positive mood, life satisfaction, and feelings of connectedness and a decrease in negative feelings compared to the control group. 

As the researchers explain, “Members of individualist cultures may benefit from prosocial [kind and helpful] behavior when it is explicitly framed as a way by which to pursue their own personal happiness.”

These findings held despite the fact that 52 percent of the U.S. students were Asian or Asian American. On surveys, these students tended to identify highly with American culture—suggesting that your orientation toward kindness may have more to do with where you live than your culture of origin. 

The researchers expected that South Korean students would get more out of kindness after hearing how it benefits others—but that wasn’t the case. Their well-being wasn’t any higher than the control group who read about organization. 

Why not? The researchers suggest that the study may have been biased toward individualistic notions of well-being. For example, the news article talked about how kindness benefits other individuals, rather than explaining how it fosters group harmony. Also, the surveys asked about personal feelings and personal life satisfaction, versus the more collective experience of well-being that might be valued by South Koreans. 

In the U.S., thinking about the benefits we get from performing acts of kindness can make us feel selfish, but there’s no harm in viewing kindness as a win-win for ourselves and others. This study suggests we might even reap more happiness by doing so. Outside the U.S., though, psychology still has a lot to learn about the relationship between kindness and well-being and the best way to motivate acts of kindness in other cultures.

Can we
HOLD THIS SPACE
for others now more than ever
as we’re all tossed together
in a Boat
we never meant to board
but made us passengers
one and all
just the same. . .

It won’t matter much
how we all got
in The Boat
or just how different we are
or where we happen to be sitting
THE WAVE
has come over
on all sides
and soaked us
we’re all dripping wet;
the question isn’t so much is it water
as it is
compassion
kindness
consideration
acceptance
empathy
l o v e
or will it ultimately be
US
and not the wave at all
that sinks us

Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
WE
ARE
THE
A N S W E R
TO THAT QUESTION
and it desperately needs
answered
on kind act
at a time
. . .research the
data keepers are waiting to document
and report


LOVE: Getting/GIVING

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Ghandi once said:
“THE WORLD HAS ENOUGH FOR EVERYONE’S NEEDS, BUT NOT EVERYONE’S GREED.”

TRUE OR FALSE:
The more you give
The more you get

W a i t. . .

This is not a question that you can answer
hypothetically
or verbally. . .
ONLY LIVE
and you don’t have to do a theoretical study
with all kinds of quantifiable facts
ONLY LIVE

So,
here’s the test:
Not one month
Not one week
Not one day
Just take a few hours
GIVING
DOING
for another (S)
and see for yourself. . .
Be the star of your now movie
and for God’s sake
(literally)
share your results. . .

Here’s the catch:
If you do it
DON’T
do it to see what you get back
For you shall sorely be disappointed, my Child;
D O
I T
for one reason only
to get absolutely nothing in return
N O T H I N G

TEST:
GIVE a little Love
to GET a lot of LOVE
(If you wish to take this assignment; REPORT BACK)

In the MEAN time

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meantime (n.)

also mean time, mid-14c., mene-time, “interim, interval between one specified time and another” (now only in in the mean time), from mean (adj.2) “middle, intermediate” + time (n.). Late 14c. as an adverb, “during the interval (between one specified time and another).” As a noun, properly written as two words but commonly as one, after the adverb. In the mean space “meanwhile” was in use 16c.-18c.

Have you ever done that. . . ?
Thought
. . .Actually used a word or a phrase
thinking it to be one thing
but having it literally have a different
d e f i n i t i o n
. . .u s e

Maybe it’s just all about
P E R S P E C T I V E
of not just how we see things
but how
YOU
see them
and more,
SHARE THEM. . .
“IN THE MEANTIME,”
I’ve said that a million of times
seemingly using it in the right way
as defined from above
but these past two weeks
with the World
literally being turned on its axis
it’s taken on another
a not-so-great-new-meaning:

In the
M E A N
time
See it?
GET IT?
BELIEVE IT?
Are we living in the
MEAN
time
and by
M E A N
I mean
Nasty
Evil
Low
Vile
Stingy
Despicable
Contemptible
Cruel
Wicked
Vicious
Malicious
Immoral
Unethical
Hateful
Unkind
Wretched
Selfish
(Did I miss any?)
Over toilet paper
Hand sanitizer
Bottled water
Food
Cleaning equipment
Personal Protective Equipment
Attitudes
Beliefs
Prejudices
(Did I miss any?)

But in the
MEAN
time
I choose to be
kind
loving
forgiving
accepting
compassionate
brave
hopeful
grateful
sympathetic
empathetic
caring
inspiring
aspiring
faithful
friendly
confident
motivated
motivating
serving
giving
healing
happy
inclusive
(Did I miss any?)
Then. . .
Help me fill in the
BLANK
but in the
M E A N
time


Professional Speaker, Author, Assurance Man