The Caring Catalyst

Who Cares - What Matters

The WAITING Room

By Leave a Comment

DEATH
has a Waiting Room
that invites Everyone
but no one wants
to sit
The TV is broken
The magazines are out of date
The chairs are uncomfortable
The coffee is bad
The rattling water cooler
never refreshes
The Clientele
too familiar and annoying
with their hacking
incessantly loud obnoxious yawnings
and an occasional party noise
You’re not sure that comes from
a person or the faux vinyl seat
you never intended to quite fit
It’s a room with poor ventilation
The carpet is worn
but not faded
stubbornly holding onto its colors
and a scent that can’t quite be
identified or replicated
There’s the dim light
that can never be squinted Brighter
All this
and just like that
You’re no longer there
–noticed–
Even before your name is mispronounced
to come forth
DEATH
is a finish line
We all run from
to only find out
at the End
we’ve all madly sprinted
Our Way Towards
(c o n t i n u o s l y)

HOLDING SPACE

By Leave a Comment

WHAT. . . ?
You saw it
You watched it
but what did you really see. . .
but what did you watch. . .
A LIVING DEFINITION OF
HOLDING SPACE:
You saw
You watched
WHAT
it means to be with someone without judgment;
to donate your ears and heart
without wanting anything back;
To practice
Empathy and Compassion;
To accept Someone’s
TRUTH
as raw, distasteful and painful
as that
TRUTH
may be
no matter what they are
or
WHO
they are. . .

W I T
is a 2001 movie that was based on the 1999 Pulitzer Prize winning play by Margaret Edson. It stars award winning actress, Emma Thompson with a cameo scene of Maggie Smith
in this powerful example of how she
HELD SPACE
for Emma’s character on her death bed
quickly followed by a great scene as how to
N O T
HOLD SPACE
by a young intern who was more concerned about
RESEARCH
than
Respectful Compassion. . .
OUR TAKE AWAY:

IF THESE COVID19 TIMES
have taught us nothing
(especially over this once again surreal week)
isn’t it simply to

an open, empathetic reminder of

It just might be the difference between
HOLDING SPACE
or
IGNORING IT

FRAGILE DIS-EASE

By Leave a Comment

It’s not the first time
(and never the last time)
that a poem found me
like a smoke of a blown out candle
that’s still very much
T H E R E
even without the flicker. . .
Fragile
by Nic Askew

We are fragile. You and me.

Though we act strong,
our lives are
held together with
thoughts of where
we might be tomorrow.
And of disappointed
yesterdays.

At any moment we might shatter.
We might fall to our knees
weighed down by the terror
of being so far from
our own control.

Dare we look up, we’d not know
where to go or what to do.

We are fragile. You and me.

If we were to turn to each other,
we might see the whole world
on their knees.
Hurting, and seemingly
alone.

But none of us are.

We are fragile together.

P O E T R Y
can never be framed in
if it’s genuinely vulnerable
and
RAW
FRAGILE
DIS-EASED
(which birthed this):

We are so careful
now
not to be contagious
not to give
what’s so very much
not wanted
needed
sought

I want to give you
so much more
fragile
frail
and maybe even as
deadly

You
I want to give you my
DIS-EASE
my rawest dis-ease
my naked un-comfiness
a nothingness
more intimate
more life-ending
I want to give IT

A most feeble Communion
to give
to receive
accepted



A Place Where Dreams Come True

By Leave a Comment

This past week, Gayle Sayers a Hall of Fame Football player died and in reviewing his life in the sports world the question came up:
WHAT SPORT’S MOVIE MADE YOU CRY

BRIAN’S SONG first aired, November 30, 1971
and I remember
ohhhh yeah, crying
(s h o c k e r)
but also calling my (STILL) best friend, Joe Nicolella
to do what we always did after a
sporting event
movie
album
book
. . .d i s c u s s
I don’t think that either one of us admitted it to each other
but yeah, be both cried
and maybe because
to this day
Joe and I have that
close
don’t-have-to-talk-to-you-everyday-to-know-what-you-think/feel
relationship. . .
but what about that Sport’s movie. . . ?

This one, for me has to have a top three consideration. . .
The movie is a sports fantasy drama
that came out in 1989 and was nominated for an Academy Award
It has a fantastic
music score
a great cast of
Kevin Costner, Amy Madigan, James Earl Jones, Ray Liotta and
Burt Lancaster
that culminates in the last scene
that answers the statements
that haunt throughout the movie:
IF YOU BUILD IT HE WILL COME
and
EASE HIS PAIN
both of which talked about Costner’s dad
who actually comes in this last scene
where they both wonder
IS THIS HEAVEN
and
IS THERE A HEAVEN
with the powerful answer of
“Oh yeah. . .It’s the place where dreams come true.”

N O N E
of us have ever lived in a
2020-like
Time before
and we’ve each experienced it
the same
and yet so differently at times
with there be no wonder
why it feels
THE FARTHEST PLACE FROM HEAVEN
. . .and yet. . .
has there been a little bits of
h e a v e n
in all of this
seemingly
unending
h e l l

THE KEY TO A HAPPY HEART
IS MAKING ANOTHER’S
H A P P Y
. . .TRUE OR FALSE
Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
You answer with every act
with every act
you create
(or demolish)
A PLACE WHERE DREAMS COME TRUE
. . .Quick,
Pass me a tissue


No Words; Much Appreciation

By Leave a Comment

No Words; Much Appreciation

No Words; Much Appreciation

No Words; Much Appreciation

No Words; Much Appreciation

No Words; Much Appreciation

No Words; Much Appreciation

No Words; Much Appreciation

“To make life a little better for people less fortunate than you, that’s what I think a meaningful life is. One lives not just for oneself but for one’s community.”

Here are 10 of her most famous quotes that show her commitment and candor.

1. About women on the court

“When I’m sometimes asked ‘When will there be enough (women on the Supreme Court)?’ and my answer is: ‘When there are nine.’ People are shocked. But there’d been nine men, and nobody’s ever raised a question about that.”

2. About men on the court

“They have never been a 13-year-old girl.” — After her male colleagues appeared indifferent about a girl’s strip-search by school administrators

3. To new citizens at a naturalization ceremony

“We are a nation made strong by people like you.”

4. About marriage … and work

“It helps sometimes to be a little deaf (in marriage and in) every workplace, including the good job I have now.”

5. About being a woman

“My mother told me to be a lady. And for her, that meant be your own person, be independent.”

6. About gender equality

“Women will have achieved true equality when men share with them the responsibility of bringing up the next generation.”

7. On leadership

“Fight for the things that you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you.”

8. On dissent and justice

“Dissents speak to a future age. It’s not simply to say, ‘My colleagues are wrong and I would do it this way.’ But the greatest dissents do become court opinions and gradually over time their views become the dominant view. So that’s the dissenter’s hope: that they are writing not for today, but for tomorrow.”

9. On support for abortion rights

“This is something central to a woman’s life, to her dignity. It’s a decision that she must make for herself. And when government controls that decision for her, she’s being treated as less than a fully adult human responsible for her own choices.”

10. About her legacy

“We are at last beginning to relegate to the history books the idea of the token woman.”

No Words; Much Appreciation
save these two:
THANK
YOU. . .

The Lessons have been taught;
it remains to be seen if they’ll be learned
and more,
i m p l e m e n t e d. . .
WILL HER DIFFERENCE
MAKE A DIFFERENCE. . . ?

A FEARLESS GIRL TRIBUTE TO RUTH BADER GINSBURG
(no words; much appreciation)

THE WAY

By Leave a Comment

Q U E S T I O N:
ARE YOU ON YOUR WAY. . . ?
A N S W E R:
ARE YOU EVER NOT. . . ?

The movie came out in 2010 but it keeps replaying the inspiration it might not have fully imagined having. . .
Erin and I watched it early in January before COVID19 made movie watching a part of the new, NEW
Martin Sheen plays Tom, an American doctor who comes to St. Jean Pied de Port, France to collect the remains of his adult son, killed in the Pyrenees in a storm while walking The Camino de Santiago, also known as The Way of Saint James. Driven by his profound sadness and desire to understand his son better, Tom decides to embark on the historical pilgrimage, leaving his “California bubble life” behind. Armed with his son’s backpack and guidebook, Tom navigates the 800 km pilgrimage from the French Pyrenees, to Santiago de Compostela in the north west of Spain, but soon discovers that he will not be alone on this journey. While walking The Camino, Tom meets other pilgrims from around the world, all broken and looking for greater meaning in their lives: a Dutchman (Yorick van Wageningen) a Canadian (Deborah Kara Unger) and an Irish writer (James Nesbitt) who is suffering from a bout of “writer’s block.” From the hardship experienced along “The Way” this unlikely quartet of misfits create an everlasting bond and Tom begins to learn what it means to be a citizen of the world again, and discovers the difference between “The life we live and the life we choose”. THE WAY was filmed entirely in Spain and France along the actual Camino de Santiago. . .

All of the
detours
roadblocks
deadends
Along The Way
there is A WAY for all of us
where the strands of our tapestry
intermingle and forever become interwoven
in the Tapestry’s of others
making sure that we’ll only
grow and expand
and never fully unravel
with the ever unfolding
TRUTH:
YOU DON’T CHOOSE A LIFE—-
YOU LIVE ONE
and that’s
THE WAY
which finds us all on the same
P A T H
at different places
but the
Same Path a long The Way
just assuredly just the same
which makes any
SEE YOU LATER
more of a certainty
than any random bet. . .

EXTREME VERKLEMPTNESS

By Leave a Comment

The COVID-19 Pandemic
has brought many different changes
to the entire world
and out of all of the signs and symptoms
that have been identified in actually having this dreaded virus
I’m not so sure that
EXTREME VERKLEMPTNESS
isn’t one of the
unidentified
unspoken
o n e s. . .

On July 12, Kelly Preston
the Co-star in
FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME
died
after a courageous two year battle of breast cancer. . .
In 1999 she joined Kevin Costner
in making this movie
. . .NO, NO,
it wasn’t up for any awards or honors
and it might have long been forgotten by this time
if she hadn’t recently died and it started being shown again on
HBO and other cable outlets
to honor her;
the premise of the film
is kind of flimsy
in that Kevin Costner’s character of
Billy Chapel
a so-so pitcher
throws the game of his life,
A No-Hitter
against the famed Yankees
fulfilling his
FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME
legacy
and what should have been the greatest night of his life
w a s n ‘ t
because he painfully discovered
it wasn’t a
game
therapy
intervention
pharmaceutical
scientific discovery
medical advancement
B U T
RELATIONSHIPS THAT HEAL US
. . .hence,
EXTREME VERKLEMPTNESS
which begs the
simple
somewhat evasive question of the Soul:
What’s a celebration with no one to share it?
Well. . . ?
What puts the tear in your eye
and more,
WHO HELPS DRY IT?

BEMOANERS

By Leave a Comment

Let’s face it,
We don’t Bemoan
We don’t Lament
We don’t Rue
. . .We REGRET
A LOT
and any time we have a close call
or spend a few months in a
FIRST TIME DEBILITATING PANDEMIC
we begin to do a lot of things that often
whittle down to some good
honest to God
honest to Self
figuring out
life review
which is one of the biggest reasons
WE REGRET

The top five regrets of the dying
 A palliative nurse has recorded the top five regrets of the dying. Photograph: Montgomery Martin/Alamy

There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is ‘I wish I hadn’t worked so hard’.

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

I am always cautious to never minimize
or worse
take away someone’s regrets
(they are theirs and even somewhat sacred)
or worse to
“There, There, There,”
them away
but I always like balancing them out a little bit with:
WHAT ARE YOU MOST PROUD?

WHAT ARE YOUR BEST ACCOMPLISHMENTS?

WHAT PAGE OF YOUR BOOK WOULD YOU NEVER TEAR OUT?

WHAT MOMENTS ARE YOU GLAD YOU DUPLICATED?

WHAT BAD THING TURNED OUT TO BE A REALLY GOOD THING?

w h i c h
leads us to
maybe the most important question now
on this Wednesday, July 29 moment:
What’s your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?
Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
N O W
is the time
forever keeping it from being a
r e g r e t
A surefire
BEMOAN BEGON
e l i x i r
. . .I’ll take a double-shot;
JOIN ME

DATA BASED EVIDENCE

By Leave a Comment

The truest of all truths
and of all data based evidence
is what we know
is what we know that we know
is what we bet our lives that we know
but spend every heart beat trying to
D I S P R O V E:
ONE
OUT OF
ONE
OF US
DIES
. . .even those we know
who seem to defy it
are teflon proof
EXEMPT
just because of
WHO THEY ARE. . ,
SCOOTER IS ONE OF THEM
(until he wasn’t)

Mark “Scooter” Bakaitis

October 29, 1950 – June 10, 2020

Born October 29, 1950 to Rita Washinski Bakaitis and Albert Bakaitis in Washington, Pa. Graduated from Washington High School in 1968 and briefly attended Drexel Institute of Technology in Philadelphia then attended several Electrical Technical Schools and Specialized Training. He was employed by Washington Stainless Steel Corp. from 1973-2000 as a Master Electrician.

In 1975 he married the love of his life, Elizabeth “Becky” Krager and in 1979 a son, Eric David was born to them. Eric precedes him in death.

During his life in Pennsylvania, Scooter enjoyed many varied hobbies and interests. He was an avid bow hunter and fisherman, loved all outdoor activities such as boating and camping with his family and friends, coached little league baseball and basketball with his son.

Throughout his lifetime Scooter enjoyed weight training and the social life that comes in a gym setting. His passionate daily project was a free “Internet Joke Service” that he started after the death of his son to try and “brighten the world”. His wife Becky and he also organized a group called “Friends Helping Friends” at this time. In 1999 he organized the “Guyz Lunch” meeting for every Tuesday of the year which continues today.

Upon moving permanently to Florida in 2004 he renewed his enjoyment of motorcycles, started raising orchids and plants, also his musical interests which included “The Blues” and playing the guitar and model railroading.

He was also very active in his community, four years as ARC chair for his community and for many years as he would say “As a Professional House Bitch” for his snow bird neighbors when they went north for the summer.

He would say, “I don’t go to church, but Me and God are tight”. His church was the canal in his backyard or the ocean/beach, where he would go to “Chat with God”.

Scooter is survived by his beloved wife Becky and their “adopted children/adults” Nicholas and Lindsay O’Brien, Justin and Rachel Sienkiel and Erik Larson and wife Santella, as well as his brothers Al (Jeanne) and Brian and nephew Nathaniel. 

I used to think
A FRIEND IS SOMEONE WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU,
AND STILL LIKES YOU. . .
I kind of believe now
that a Friend like Scooter
is someone who can do you for
and for those you love
what you have no power
within you to do;
He did for me and my family
(and countless others)
what could have never been done
without him:
MAKING HIS HOME IN FLORIDA OUR VACATION FOR THE PRIME YEARS OF OUR CHILDREN’S LIVES
HE GAVE EXPERIENCES
HE GAVE ENDLESSLY OF HIMSELF
HE TOOK HIS PERSONAL PAIN
AND MADE IT OTHER’S
SUPREME PLEASURE
He was Hulk Hogan
more than Hulk Hogan was himself
THIS IS SCOOTER. . .
Some people are
CHURCH PEOPLE
and a select few
(very few)
ARE THE CHURCH
. . .there wasn’t a person Scooter ever met
who wasn’t a part of his Congregation
. . .his pulpit was muted
because his
ACTIONS
did all of the speaking;
Scooter never came into a situation
that he didn’t leave better
and he had a way of taking
YOUR LADDER
and adding rungs
always so you could climb higher
always higher
than you ever thought you could rise. . ,

The grains of sand in our lives gets emptied out
much faster than any of us would like
and what’s left isn’t discarded sand. . .
It’s not even just memories
SO MUCH AS
as the
E X P E R I E N C E S
that live on within us;
AND BECAUSE WE CAN SHARE
WHAT’S FIRST BEEN SHARED,
now have the potential to live on in
OTHERS. . .
and after all that’s said or done
WE
become what that data-based evidence can’t begin to show:
I M M O R T A L
. . .try taking the Sand out of
That Glass

The UNholy Night

By 2 Comments

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
are you
FEELIN’ IT?
. . .not a whole lot of joy right now in the world,
huh. . . ?
Who
W H O
would have ever thought we’d forget about
COVID-19
in less than a week
with all of the riots
lootings
shootings
protestests
U N R E S T

It feels like the World
is getting tossed about
like a big beach ball
that everyone wants to
bat around
or kick
BUT NOT GRAB A HOLD OF
or just
C A T C H
. . .has it ever felt like
THIS
b e f o r e
searching for a
pulse
a heartbeat
that just doesn’t seem to
exist

I was in seventh grade, just a 13-year-old boy the night at Martin Luther King, Jr  was assassinated.  I distinctly remember it as if time stood still as my parents watched a news cast, that interrupted our regular programming; it wasn’t so much what my parents said as what their faces were shouting: HORROR. SHOCK. SADNESS. . .
I had seen that look on their faces when I came home from school as a nine-year-old boy the day that John F. Kennedy was assassinated. 
I remember telling them that night as Walter Cronkite tried telling us the facts, setting the scene, maybe this was a good thing so now people wouldn’t riot anymore or protest and remember even more distinctly how they explained to me how this was a terrible thing and that there may be even more unrest and violence and protesting. 
It was only a few days later when my dad was at a meeting and my mother and my two brothers and sister were at home and we heard a commotion out on the street and we went out on the porch there were hundreds of African-American people walking down our street from The Projects’ a few blocks away. Just walking. Not shouting. Not rioting. Not looting or burning anything. . .
Just walking. . .
They were going downtown for a peaceful protest in memory of Dr King.
I was terrified,
I had never seen a sea of people moving methodically down
a city street and its sidewalks;
I never wanted the protection of my father more than at that moment.
I have had other moments of being terrified and there’s a certain way your heart beats like at no other time than during
THAT FEELING.  . .
My heart has beaten that way over this past week making me feel like a scared-trying-to-figure-it-all-out-13 yr old boy. . .

This Christmas tree is in my office overlooking my desk;
It was a gift a couple of years ago from my office buddies,
two great Social Workers,
Jen and Rachel
who have done of some of their best work on me;
they appropriately celebrated my Birthday by proclaiming it,
MERRY CHUCKMAS
. . .the 25th of every month
I usually post some Christmas scene as a reminder that it’s
MERRY PRACTICE CHRISTMAS
and everyone on FaceBook gets really annoyed
and tells me
“DON’T RUSH IT”
or
“IT’S WAY TOO EARLY”
as if it was a curse for them to carry
or a chaotic Season to be avoided,
BUT HERE’S THE TRUE REASON:
Because I want the World to be now
what it is
T H E N
kind
caring
loving
accepting
forgiving
giving
peaceful
happy
content
and I just don’t want it to be contagious
I want it to be
e v e r l a s t i n g
I want the message of Christmas
to be a message of
N O W

To be a
LIGHT
no one was looking for
AND FINDS,
a n y w a y. . .
So on the 25th of every month
I play Christmas Carols
but I’ve been playing them a lot since
George Floyd
was brutally killed
in front of all
us. . .
My Favorite?
O HOLY NIGHT. . .
2nd verse:
Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is Love and His gospel is Peace;
Chains shall he break, for the slave is our brother,
And in his name all oppression shall cease,
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful Chorus raise we;
Let all within us praise his Holy name!
and then the
CHORUS
which now forever haunt me:
FALL ON YOUR KNEES
(Fall on your knees,)
(Fall on your knees,)
(I can’t get the image out of my head of a police officer’s bent knee on the neck of Mr. Floyd)
Oh hear the angel voices!
O night divine! O night when Christ was born.
O night, O holy night, O night divine.
SO
so, so many
UN-HOLY NIGHTS
knowing that ultimately
LOVE CAN’T BE LEGISLATED
but it can be
abundantly given
making us all
hopeful
grateful
affected
victims
of its power. . .

We need a little Christmas
in all of its shapes and sizes
with an ample amount of flavor
to keep it fresh. . .
talk about a different heart beat

B E
I T

Professional Speaker, Author, Assurance Man