The Caring Catalyst

Who Cares - What Matters

YOUR REMEMBER WHEN’ER

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This video has been making it’s rounds as the Holiday season is in full force unfolding before us.  No matter what we believe or in what various moods/feelings we are treading or at times, seemingly drowning in, Holidays or not, it goes to the heart of our remembering, our once upon a times, that at times feels like hugging a porcupine and yet we squeeze all the more harder to keep those memories close and to actually do all we can to bring them back to vivid, living color so that we can feel all that is good, all that is love, all that once upon a time was.        .        .

Sometimes it’s not so much
WHAT YOU REMEMBER
as
T     H     A     T
you are
R   E   M   E   M   B   E   R   E   D.      .      .
Memories are precious
and the only things more important:
THE MEMORIES YET TO BE CREATED.       .       .
this holiday season
May your greatest memories
be those you’ve yet to create
(but undoubtedly will)
Let your Remember’er
bring you
what
THE NEW
sometimes can never quite promise
(and may your Remember’er do it often)

 

CONFETTI THOUGHTS

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SOME call it a lack of focus
SOME call it A D D
SOME call it daydreaming
SOME call it mind flutterings
SOME call it word salad
SOME call it mind confetti
SOME call it brain diarrhea
SOME just call
and here’s some of mine
which WARNING, WARNING, WARNING
may cause a few some of your
WHATEVER-YOU-CALL-IT’S
of your own:

Sometimes we have to dance to music we don’t even like
*            *            *
The edge of the sacred is a lot more closer to your center than you know
*            *            *
It’s not swimming or bathing just because you dipped your toe in the water
*            *            *
BELONGING: You’ll never be accepted if you’re not accepting
*            *            *
What makes you think it’s not temporary especially when it feels so permanent
*            *            *
There’s a thin line between sacred and sacrilege with a few misplaced letters
*            *            *
LANE STAYING: When you’re in it, you’re criticized, when you’re out of it, you’re crucified
*            *            *
Living in the ‘ISH’ while living with the ‘ISM’S’
*            *            *
How we see ourselves may be contorted and at the same time distinctly accurate
*            *            *
The Village in you is so much needed by the Village in another
*            *            *
When the terrible inevitable is there, so is your presence
*            *            *
IS THIS AN ACT OF LOVE is the only question needed in asking before proceeding with anything
*            *            *
When you fish with a worm of worry you’ll catch a whale of unnecessary pain
*            *            *
There’s a difference between education and learning–Know/Show it
*            *            *
Expectations are resentments waiting to happen
*            *            *
The worst kind of water walking is when you choose not to do it
*            *            *
LIGHT can always be squeezed from darkness, most of the time without much pressure
*            *            *
Living in the THEN instead of the NOW will never get you to the WHEN
*            *            *
If you’re going to look back, give yourself a better reason to look forward
*            *            *
It’s one thing to give life and another to add direction and meaning to it
*            *            *
The problem with RED FLAGS is all of us at times are color blind
*            *            *
We agree to disagree until we don’t
*            *            *
What I think is real, what I do is true
*            *            *
Live AS IF always
*            *            *

I  WONDER  WORDS

WHEW.             .            Right?
MIND DUMPINGS
which is quite a bit different than the normal
PHOTO DUMPS
after a vacation or a family gathering or. . .
Just the same, maybe this will all give you permission to have some
MIND DUMPINGS
of your own.     .     .
Let your
CONFETTI THOUGHTS
fly and flutter about
(and who knows, where they land they just might be the seeds sewn worth sprouting)

NEVER TOO EARLY

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W   E   L   L.          .          .          ?

Is it still too early to celebrate Christmas?
(only 40 days away)
Yeah, it’s time for that debate again S O.    .    .
what say you?

Naomi Ludlow from USA TODAY took a real good look at this and had some interesting facts and fictions.  I was actually in COSTCO over the Labor Day weekend and BAM there was just a small aisle of Christmas trees and lights.  Now that Halloween marked the end of spooky season and is a full two weeks behind us, there’s a constant debate on when we should start celebrating Christmas. In recent years, we’ve seen the festive period creep in as early as Nov. 1.  Sirius/XM Radio already has there stations blaring the Christmas tunes and families put up decorations and some get a head start on buying presents because there are BLACK FRIDAY sales before Black Friday now.

And so the now-annual debate has begun: When is the “proper” time to start decking the halls, decorating the Christmas tree and belting out those merry songs?

Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
I never take mine down, we just decorate it for the different seasons/holiday’s as they come and go

Social media starts popping with personal opinions, with some demanding all Christmas cheer cease and desist until Thanksgiving has been observed, while other Santa Claus celebrants proclaim Dec. 1 as the official start of the season.

And then of course there are the uber-eager fans, including the self-proclaimed “Queen of Christmas,” Mariah Carey, who say Nov. 1 is the right time to kick off the holiday season.

Yet even as the start of the holiday remains up for debate, there’s more than just personal traditions and preferences on the line. Regardless of where you may fall on this seasonal battle, there are some very real reasons why some people decide to start the celebrations long before what others may believe appropriate.

Christmas lights before Thanksgiving:There’s a reason behind the ‘act of kindness,’ experts say

Holiday traditions bring comfort to some,
but sadness to others

The past two years have been a time of isolation and new norms that sent many into a frenzy. The same goes for how we’ve celebrated the holidays. Families adjusted by having virtual gatherings, but for many, the joy of the season remained.

For most people, the holidays are a time to step away from normal routines, reconnect with family and close friends, and destress.

“We’re kind of stuck in the day-to-day and putting out fires in our lives, but taking the time to prioritize some celebrations with friends and family really creates positive feelings and helps us enjoy life,” said clinical psychologist Ryan Howes.

Thus a reason for some to want to capitalize on as many holiday events as possible – to give people hope of the better times that are ahead.

“For many people, the holidays are associated with positive emotional arousal,” psychotherapist Owen O’Kane told USA TODAY. The Sunday Times bestselling author continued, “And that could be linked to the fact that many people associate the holiday period with warmth, family, nostalgia and connection.”

Leading up to the holiday season, people look forward to their established family traditions and often set expectations linked to their fond childhood memories. A scientific study showed that when humans set expectations for pleasure, we produce dopamine, which is a chemical messenger that tells the brain how happy we feel.

On the other hand, some people don’t see the holidays as a fond memory. This time can cause stress and be difficult to get through. These people will produce chemicals such as cortisol and adrenaline, according to O’Kane.

Oftentimes, those who dread the holiday season are trying to overcome hardships, whether it’s dealing with issues such as grief, family disputes, and drug and/or alcohol abuse.

We may crave those Christmas memories

As humans, we recall memories through our five senses, with smell being the most prominent.

When we smell freshly baked cookies, it can take us to a time we spent making cookies with Grandma. Seeing twinkly lights helps us remember the time Dad almost fell off the ladder while trying to decorate the house. Touching an old ornament brings back the memory of making it with siblings. This is called sensory activation and is a leading reason why the holidays are highly anticipated.

Retailers play a big part in activating our senses. They understand how our minds work and want us to participate in the process.

“The next time you go to the department store and you look at the amount of effort into how displays are laid out, how lighting is done, how colors are used, how music is used in the background, all of it is used very cleverly to stimulate us,” O’Kane told USA TODAY.

The layout forces the consumer to feel the holiday vibe and urges them to buy gifts. This is just one of the tactics besides holiday deals to get people involved.

Colors also impact how we participate in the season.

“Red stimulates and energizes – even our spending. Waitresses wearing red receive 14 to 26% higher tips than waitresses wearing any other color uniform,” according to a Psychology Today article. “Green is an optimistic color associated with luck and wealth. It’s also been shown to have a positive effect on creativity. A possible explanation for some of the more unusual gifts found under the tree.”

So why not start celebrating now?

Dread, overstimulation and even disappointment keep people from wanting to participate in the holiday season.

A study on the Christmas blues shows that the holidays may increase stress before they start and could increase uneasy feelings afterward. There are a number of reasons this can happen, including finances, grief, loneliness, estrangement, or divorce or pleasing.

All of the expectations we set in the beginning of the season are far more exciting than the actual holiday, Howes told USA TODAY. But sometimes we are faced with disappointment if things didn’t go as planned.

O’Kane suggested we create a balance so we aren’t overwhelmed as the season approaches and aren’t disappointed at the end.

SO  WHICH  ARE  YOU ?
If you follow me at all over social media, you know I’m a big-never-stop-never-let-go-of-celebrating-Christmas.  Some would say, I’m a walking/talking/living
Christmas Card
But
with a purpose and a strong reason and a powerful meaning:
TO TAKE THE FEELING
TO HAVE THE KINDNESS
TO ALLOW THE SPECIALNESS OF THIS SEASON
to be a part of our
e  v e r y d a y s
(which is why I post a Christmas picture the 25th of each month so that we literally can
PRACTICE MERRY CHRISTMAS
So let the stories be read
let the stories be told
and most of all,
LET THEM BE WRITTEN AND RE-WRITTEN
in each of us as we celebrate in our own ways
and hopefully be the reason and a part of another’s
celebration
AND THEN THERE’S THIS:
Maybe the greatest gift you may be able to give during these upcoming days
is the greatest gift Another can receive:
T      O      L      E      R      A      N      C      E

 

AN OLD MESSAGE IN A NEW WAY

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W O W
60 years ago Paul Harvey originally aired
A LETTER FROM GOD
and admittedly so, it has been updated a little since those 60 years ago but there’s nothing like hearing an
OLD MESSAGE
IN A NEW WAY
and then again, who knows
if it was heard
THEN
any more than it’s heard
N O W
.           .           .maybe that’s an answer your dealing with right now, November 6, 2023 and maybe even more realizing
IT’S EASY LIVING IN WHAT WAS WORLD
without ever noticing
WHAT IS
or
WHAT CAN BE.                .                .
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Maybe that’s why it’s so tough not only hearing an
OLD MESSAGE
in a
NEW WAY
but
being different or
actually
L I V I N G 
I T
(Here’s a tip of the hat to Paul and an invitation hear in a new way an old message and to be better because of  it.  .  .)

FAMOUS GRIEF

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Most of us escape life and living cleanly. Uhhhhh, we may clean up well but there’s always a residue that resides on each of us and try as we T R Y to cover it all up, IT remains almost like the very skin that contains the profound and profane of our very essence.

So when we hear of the death of a celebrity it comes at us on an aortic level that literally shocks the heart and makes it beat a different rhythm.

All of THIS with the full knowledge that we were born with a terminal, sexually transmitted disease called life. One out of one of us dies~~famous or not. And with each death a lesson. . .now whether it’s learned or not is the issue but never that it’s not been emphatically taught once again.

What Regina Brett, a retired columnist from the Plain Dealer in Cleveland, Ohio and best selling author shared is both, worth being Taught and Learning all over again:

When I learned actor Matthew Perry had died, my heart hurt. He filled so much of our lives with laughter in those ten years he appeared on “Friends.”

I could quote so many of his lines by heart because the show touched my heart. But his greatest gift to us wasn’t his ability to make us laugh, but his ability to make us care.

Perry’s ongoing quest for sobriety is epic in the number of times he failed and in the number of times he kept trying. That’s what I’ll remember him for. He kept trying.

The saint Julian of Norwich wrote, “First the fall, and then the recovery from the fall, and both are the mercy of God.”

Both.

She also wrote, “Our wounds are our glory.”

In his memoir, “Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing,” Perry shared his wounds. He wrote about alcoholism and his addiction to painkillers, including OxyContin, Vicodin and Dilaudid. He spent more than half his life in rehab, detox and treatment centers and spend more than $9 million trying to get sober. He nearly died numerous times. And still, he kept trying again and again. Life was worth the fight.

People are going to share their favorite Chandler Bing moments when he made them laugh on “Friends” but Perry wrote, “When I die, I’d like’ Friends’ to be listed behind ‘helping people.’”

So let’s remember him for helping others. This is how he helped us. He left us these words from his wounded life to guide us. His book was his greatest legacy to help those who struggle with alcoholism and drug addiction:

    “The thing that I’m most proud of in my life is that if a stranger came up to me and said, ‘I can’t stop drinking. I can’t stop drinking. Can you help me?’ I can say, ‘Yes, I can help you.’”

   “My favorite six words in recovery are: trust God, clean house, and help others.

   “The thing is, if I don’t have sobriety, I don’t have anything.”

   “The man takes the drink, the drink takes all the rest.”

    “Nobody ever thinks that something really bad is going to happen to them. Until it does.”

   “Addiction, the big terrible thing, is far too powerful foranyone to defeat alone. But together, one day at a time, we can beat it down.”

We. That’s the key word to recovery. We. It’s the first word of the first step in Alcoholics Anonymous. We.

   “I start, I cannot stop. All I had control over was the first drink. After that, all bets were off. (See under: The man takes the drink, the drink takes all the rest.) Once I believe the lie that I can just have one drink, I am no longer responsible for my actions.”

   “Alcoholics hate two things: the way things are and change.”

   “I think you actually have to have all of your dreams come true to realize they are the wrong dreams.”

     “If you spend too much time looking in the rearview mirror, you will crash your car.”

I hope he died with a sense of the peace he had when he wrote this:

   “When someone does something nice for someone else, I see God. But you can’t give away something you don’t have. So, I try to improve myself daily. When those moments come and I am needed, I’ve worked out my shit, and do what we are all here for, which is simply to help other people.”

“There’s nothing better than a world where everybody’s just trying to make each other laugh.”

  May we remember his laughter but also the lessons he shared to heal the wounds of others.

S O.          .          .so what.          .          .          ?

This past week I had several wide-eyed looks at grief, raw, guttural and up close not only at some of the ‘Celebrations of Life’ I conducted but also the painful-can’t-breathe-how-am-I-going-to-go-on-living-anticipatory grief I held space with several families as their MATTHEW PERRY was dying.  At least three times the same thing, almost verbatim was stated, “What a shame about Matthew Perry, huh?” and the response was the same in all three instances: “I DON’T CARE, my wife, my dad, my sister is dead, is dying.     .     .”

STUFFINGS OF THE SOUL

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There are times when pictures far exceed any captions that could be created

There are times when pictures are not worth a thousand words.          .          .
THEY ARE LIBRARIES
and they flip through the pages of our Souls
so gently and yet so powerfully
that they can never be spoke or heard, only
E X P E R I E N C E D
in inexplicable ways
that burrow through our Tapestries
in a way that can never unbind us

.          .          .those are some of the thoughts and feelings I experienced when my friend, Beth shared these photographs a couple of weeks ago on Facebook along with these words:

Words are inadequate to express the complexity in my heart on this first anniversary of dad’s death. There is warmth and fullness in my chest as I look at these photos which are two of my favorite of us. And there is sadness, heaviness and oddly relief when I realize that I am glad you did not live to see the horror occurring in Israel right now. There is amusement as I hear people fear Friday the 13th while knowing both you and mom were born on Friday the 13ths and married on a Friday the 13th making this day/date special and filled with love for me. It is still surreal to me that you are gone, and I miss you and mom everyday. It is hard to not have my ultimate protectors when the world feels so unkind. Miss you Poptart 😢
We all have bags, bins, drawers, albums and ohhhhh my, our cell phones are filled with videos and photos, aren’t they?  Seriously, which one of any of them need opening?  Just same the name of a loved one.  Say it out loud, right now.  See!  They’re right there, closer than a thought, a cherished memory, a fragrant smell, a gentle touch, a sip a taste of a favorite food or drink.       .        .
RIGHT THERE
NOW
OR ANY TIME
WE CHOOSE
and yes, 
SOMETIMES EVEN WITHOUT INVITATION OR PLAN
RIGHT THERE.      .     .
always near
never far
and just as real
as the first time
we ever experienced it
Beth helped me understand that when she posted these two of many photos a couple of weeks ago and what it did for her then and now, invites the same thing for us now, too:
RE-MEMBER
go ahead. . .put back the pieces of those lives who are still very much apart of us; rearrange them, hold them dear, bring them to your lips, no one will object or think it strange, because before you ever do any of those one things you’ll already intimately know they have magnificently been done deeply done in you and.     .    .and will forever continue.

It’s great, isn’t it, when words and pictures
B E C O M E
never to be anything else
more or less than
O U R S.      .      .
STUFFINGS  OF  THE  SOUL

WHEN YOUR PLANTED FEET SOAR

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DESIDERATA

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Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace
there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly
and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself
with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater
and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well
as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery
But let this not blind you to what
virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity
and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is  unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life
keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery,
and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy. ~Max Ehrmann

(Book: Desiderata https://amzn.to/45kJvnK

IT’S ONE THING TO SING WORDS
IT’S ONE THING TO HEAR WORDS
IT’S ONE THING TO READ WORDS
IT’S ONE THING TO BE WORDS
and make them come to life.      .      .
No matter when they were sung, heard, or read.          .          .

MORE HEART, LESS ATTACK

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Much to ponder in this song performed by the award-winning Becky Buller.
Let your mind paint the picture your Heart needs to see that'll give you more Heart and less attack.   .   .  

MORE HEART, LESS ATTACK

Be the light in the crack
Be the one that's been there on a camel's back
Slow to anger, quick to laugh
Be more heart and less attack

Be the wheels not the track
Be the wanderer that's coming back
Leave the past right where it's at
Be more heart and less attack

The more you take the less you have
'Cause it's you in the mirror staring back
Quick to let go slow to react
Be more heart and less attack

Ever growing steadfast
And if need be the one that's in the gap
Be the never turning back
Twice the heart any man could have

Be the wheels not the track
Be the wanderer that's coming back
Leave the past right where it's at
Be more heart and less attack
Be more heart and less attack
Be more heart and less attack

I stuck my hat out, I caught the rain drops
I drank the water, I felt my veins block
I'm nearly sanctified, I'm nearly broken
I'm down the river, I'm near the open

I stuck my hat out, I caught the rain drops
I drank the water, I felt my veins block
I'm near the sanctified, I'm near broken
I'm down the river, I'm near the open

I'm down the river to where I'm going


(My thanks to Becky Buller and friends.)

AGREE TO DISAGREE

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“The truth you believe and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.” ~Pema Chodron

HANDS UP IN THE AIR
OR DO YOU DARE
PLACE THEM OVER YOUR HEART.          .          .
DO YOU BELIEVE PEMA CHODRON’S QUOTE?
It feels like the whole world is
SCREAMING
lately
which makes it impossible to not simply
T            A            L            K
but actually
H              E               A               R

Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
It’s not getting any quieter
In fact,
pick a subject
ANY SUBJECT
and you’ll have a fight on your hands
(maybe literally)
before you can stutter out
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
because everyone seems to have a gavel in hand
and are using it
as a weapon
I wasn’t hunting for an article but there’s plenty that have been written lately and Mitchell’s actually found me and maybe just in the nick of time for me, and because of this blog post,
Y     O     U
So just for a few brief moments
just read.          .          .
take a couple of deep breaths through your nose
like you’re sniffing your favorite fragrance
E X H A L E
slowly from you mouth
R E P E A T
and just read:

Mitch Geoffrey is the co-founder of Mindful Cupid, a website dedicated to helping readers improve their relationships and their lives. You’ll find lots of useful articles on how to find love, survive heartbreak, explore your spiritual side, and discover your best self. Check out the site at mindfulcupid.com, or join us on facebook.

“It sounds a lot like you were trying to force your beliefs on him and got mad when he wouldn’t back down.” is usually the anatomy of a good argument.  Or so, Mitchell thinks.

He states, “. . .We are often so caught up in being right that we refuse to accept anyone could believe differently. Even worse, emotion quickly pounces in and completely takes over, and we lose any ability to even make an effort to find common ground or try and see things from a different perspective.

In the middle of an argument we often are missing the larger truth that we all believe we are seeing the world as it should be. Our entrenched beliefs become part of our identity because they help us make sense of the chaotic world we live in. And when someone holds a radically different view to our own, it shakes the foundation of our own beliefs and makes us feel off balance and insecure.

But Mitchell believes that the good news is, no matter how differently you see the world from someone else, there’s always a way to find some common ground. Here are six tips I’ve learned to help have productive, respectful conversations and open your mind to different perspectives.
DRUM ROLL:

1. Focus on the outcome

When you get bogged down arguing about specifics, take the argument up as many levels as you need until you find common ground.

For example, in the case of climate change, we could have both easily agreed that the environment is important and we want to leave the world a better place for our kids. We just have different views on how to get there. This is a great way to reset the conversation because you’re focused on discussing the outcome rather than winning the argument.

2. Understand their perspective

Learning the underlying reason why someone believes something can help you see a different side of the issue. It might not change your mind, but it will help you treat the other person with more empathy and give you fresh ideas to discuss.

For example, someone’s refusal to accept climate change might be caused by concern about the negative effects it will have on their life. Maybe transitioning to renewable energy means they will lose their job or be forced to change their lifestyle in ways they don’t want to accept.

If you can understand these underlying concerns, you’ll be much more likely to find common ground and have a productive discussion.

3. Separate emotion from logic

A stressful argument can hijack the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for critical thinking and decision-making. When this happens, you go into “fight or flight” mode and become more likely to react emotionally, think less creatively, and say things without thinking them through.

The next time you find yourself getting angry or defensive in an argument, take a step back and try to de-escalate your emotions by acknowledging them. Once you’re feeling more logical and calm, you can start to look for common ground again.

4. Practice active listening

Active listening is a communication technique that involves hearing, paraphrasing, and responding to what the other person is saying. It’s an essential skill for finding common ground because it shows that you’re genuinely interested in understanding their perspective.

The next time you’re in an argument, try repeating back what the other person has said in different words to make sure you’ve understood them correctly. Then, add your perspective to what they’ve said. For example, “I can see why you feel that way, but I also think…”

5. Be mindful of your own biases

We all have biases—it’s part of being human. We want to win arguments, be right, and be liked, so it’s easy to fall into the trap of only listening to information that supports our point of view.

Exposing yourself to different perspectives—even if you don’t agree with them—can help you think more critically about your own beliefs. It might even help you find common ground where you thought there was none.

6. Remember that differing views are important

If everyone agreed on everything, the world would be a pretty boring place. But even more importantly, differing ideas help to push society forward. They challenge us to think critically about our own beliefs and come up with new solutions to problems.

So the next time you find yourself in an argument with someone, try to see it as an opportunity to learn and grow rather than a chance to prove your point. You might just be surprised at how much common ground you can find.

 

I Know
I KNOW
there are no easy solutions and it’s easy to say
even after taking a few intentional deep breaths:
BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND

E X A C T L Y
but if there’s any 
COMMON GROUND
to ever be cultivated
with any hope of
a good harvest
it may well have to start with the
fertilizer of
Y O U
(stinky as it is)
to cause
GROWTH
Professional Speaker, Author, Assurance Man