Who Cares - What Matters
He stares
at his hand
and the pen
as it levitates
over a blank page
not just waiting for a word
but a rare polished gem
that’ll never be mined
only to be replaced
by some fool’s gold
d r o s s
unrefined
never to hold any value
meaning
sense
And he smiles
w i d e l y
as he sighs
without a breath
‘This is Poetry at its best’
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. . .
I don’t much care what you’re
looking at
SO MUCH
AS WHAT YOU
S E E
Out of all of the sights
and sounds
we’re bound to be
bombarded with
over the next few weeks
there’ll be none more important
than the ones you won’t so
much look at
or even
SEE
as much as the ones you’ll be able to
S H A R E. . .
The most important Bench that exists
isn’t the one we occupy;
IT IS THE ONE WE
S H A R E
with Another. . .
In this Season of
LIGHT and HOPE
there’s a certain
guaranteed
B R O K E N N E S S
mostly sitting right next to us
and the only one that can make a difference
is You. . .
You’ll never be called to
LIGHT THE WORLD
so much as just to
s i m p l y
share your glow. . .
So
take another
g a n d e r
glimpse
at what you didn’t see
but need view
Q U E S T I O N:
What’s better,
To be a
Wish Granter
or to be a
Wish Receiver
A N S W E R:
BOTH
Remember the greatest wish you were ever able to grant. . .
Remember the greatest wish you were ever able to receive. . .
THE SECRET TO LIFE:
Remembering both
is one thing. . .
DOING BOTH
(often)
IS THE ONLY THING!
True
or
False. . .
Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
You don’t pick the answer
so much as the way you live
SHOWS THE ANSWER
Wish Granter
Wish Receiver
I was recently
SELFISH ENOUGH
to read an article from Kristen Lee Ed.D.,LICSW in Psychology Today Magazine
Self-care isn’t selfish or superficial, it’s backed by science to help us protect and sustain mental (healthSource: Shutterstock)
Self-care might at first strike one as another pop-psychology buzzword in this Age of Anxiety, when burnout is being called the “new normal.” But science reveals its critical nature.
Self-care is a regular, intentional process of devoting oneself to protecting and sustaining mental health. It is backed by science and not just feel good, self-indulgent sentiments.
The World Health Organization has declared a global mental health crisis and defined burnout as both an occupational risk and a workplace condition. Escalating pressure to do and be everything at work and at home are creating a context breeding exhaustion, overstimulation, and angst.article continues after advertisement
Most of us are operating with few margins in our lives. Respite, rest, and time off to just be seem like luxuries. Dr. Lee contends that in her clinical work, she often finds resistance to the suggestion of self-care. It can seem fluffy or self-serving, or unlikely to make an impact when stress is high. It can also feel unachievable in light of the enormous demands around every corner.
Self-care comes in different forms:
The American Psychological Association has stated that we often don’t know that stress is negatively affecting our health until we get sick. In Dr. Lee’s research, she’s seen many examples of the vital nature of self-care as a protective factor toward resilience. She advocates for a “universal precautions” approach to well-being: Even if we think we are faring relatively well, prioritizing self-care is essential. Rather than waiting for red flags and wake-up calls, we can attend to ourselves in deliberate ways to sustain ourselves in an ever-increasingly pressured world.article continues after advertisement
Dr Lee believes we must all be hypervigilant when it comes to the cumulative effect that self-neglect can create. Self-care can help mitigate the consequences of our demands and roles.
Dr. Lee gives three considerations to make it a regular practice:
1. Small things make a difference. When we are busy, it’s easy to let self-care fall by the wayside. Or if we make too big a plan, we might give up if we can’t find the time and energy to see it through. Break rituals are activities that we embed into our day to help us stay calibrated and avoid mental overload. We can’t falsely promise ourselves that we’ll relax once something gets scratched off our lists, because in the meantime, 10 new things will pop up. Just as when we neglect ourselves there is a cumulative effect on our health, the same is true when we make a regular point to nourish our mind, body and souls.
2. Self-care comes in many shapes and sizes. There’s no one size-fits-all formula. Key activities include lifestyle medicine, creative pursuits, hobbies, time with loved ones, and positive mental dialogue. Science shows the tremendous value in all of these activities to protect and bolster mental health. Engage in a process of reflection (therapists, coaches and loved ones can be helpful in co-creating ideas) that helps you identify high impact activities that can be woven into your routines.article continues after advertisement
3. Self-care starts with giving yourself permission. Many of us are uncomfortable with the idea of taking time for ourselves. We are used to taking care of everyone else and it’s a big shift to actually focus on you. It feels counterintuitive. This can demonstrate your strong sense of values and pride in serving others, but it can also tie into a deeper martyr complex or sense of unworthiness. When we give ourselves the green light and understand that we are worth our own investment because we are important, we are more likely to maximize the benefits of self-care. You must give yourself permission to take care of yourself, and make sure you are taking break rituals everyday. Sustainability is everything: You are worth it.
Self-care isn’t selfish and it’s not superficial. It’s not just about taking me-time or mani-pedis or treat-yourself days. It’s about protecting your mental health and fostering sustainability. There is no one-size-fits-all, but the research gives us a lot of clues as to what can help sustain us. Lifestyle medicine, regular breaks, relationships are protective factors that help build resilience. Prevention is less costly than repair. We now have the science to show the positive effects on our health.
Pick one activity this week that you think will have high impact for you. Set a reminder on your phone and put it in your schedule like an important appointment. Keep track of your progress (your mood, energy, outlook, focus, etc). Find support to keep your momentum going and construct a strategic self-care plan to protect and bolster your well-being.
Sooooooooooooooooooo
just how SELFLESSLY SELFISH
are you willing to become. . .
Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
whatever you
T H I N K
The Answer is–
DOUBLE
IT
(o f t e n)
There’s a lot of
B R O K E N
Happily Ever After’s
O U T
T H E R E. . .
W E
D O N ‘ T
H A V E
T O
B E
T H E
A N S W E R
SO MUCH AS
WE
Just have to make sure
We’re not the
P R O B L E M
Hey,
WHAT ABOUT US. . . ?
H E Y
why not?
Are you The Christoper Columbus in Search of the lost Continent in you. . . ?
I love articles like this
because they imply something magical could happen to you
if you just followed
THE STEPS
THE GUIDELINES
THE MAP
THE PERSONAL GPS
THE. . .THE. . .THE. . .THE. . .THE. . .THE. . .THE. . .
Emily Pidgeon
Whether it was during a career aptitude test or in a heart-to-heart chat after getting laid off, chances are someone has talked to you about how to “find your calling.” It’s one of those phrases people toss about. But StoryCorps founder Dave Isay takes issue with it … specifically, the verb.
“Finding your calling — it’s not passive,” he says. “When people have found their calling, they’ve made tough decisions and sacrifices in order to do the work they were meant to do.”
In other words, you don’t just “find” your calling — you have to fight for it. And it’s worth the fight. “People who’ve found their calling have a fire about them,” says Isay, the winner of the 2015 TED Prize. “They’re the people who are dying to get up in the morning and go do their work.”
Over a decade of listening to StoryCorps interviews, Isay noticed that people often share the story of how they discovered their calling — and now, he’s collected dozens of great stories on the subject into a new book, Callings: The Purpose and Passion of Work. Below, he shares 7 takeaways from the hard-won fight to find the work you love.
1. Your calling is at the intersection of a Venn diagram of three things: doing something you’re good at, feeling appreciated, and believing your work is making people’s lives better. “When those three things line up, it’s like lightning,” Isay says. He doesn’t suggest that a person has to be a surgeon saving lives to feel like they have a calling; think of the diner waitress who talks to customers and makes them feel loved. How do you find this overlap? “You have to shut out all the chatter of what your friends are telling you to do, what your parents are telling you to do, what society is telling you to do,” Isay says, “and just go to that quiet place inside you that knows the truth.”
2. Your calling often comes out of difficult experiences. What lurks in that quiet place will be a defining experience — quite possibly a painful one. Isay points to an interview in Callings with 24-year-old teacher Ayodeji Ogunniyi. “He was studying to be a doctor when his father was murdered. He realized that what he was really meant to do was be a teacher,” says Isay. “He says that every time he walks into a classroom, his father is walking in with him.” This theme of people turning their hardest experiences into a new path runs throughout the book. “Having an experience that really shakes you and reminds you of your mortality can be a very clarifying event in people’s lives. Oftentimes, it leads to changes,” he says. “We spend a lot of time working, so it can really change your priorities in terms of work life.”
3. Calling often takes courage and ruffles feathers. Elsewhere in Callings, we hear about Wendell Scott, who became the first African-American NASCAR driver in 1952, and kept on driving despite threats against his life. From scientist Dorothy Warburton who dealt with extreme sexism as she conducted research to break the stigma around miscarriage. From Burnell Cotlon, who opened the first grocery store in the Lower 9th Ward after Hurricane Katrina because he wasn’t about to let his old neighborhood’s spirit fade. Calling, says Isay, very often starts with taking a stand against a status quo that simply isn’t acceptable, and then dedicating your work to changing it: “It’s work ignited by hope, love, or defiance — and stoked by purpose and persistence.”
4. Other people often nudge you toward calling. Sharon Long had worked odd jobs most of her life. As Isay tells it, “Her daughter was going to college, and as the bursar was helping them with financial aid forms, she said quietly to herself, ‘I wish I could’ve gone to college.’ The bursar responded, ‘It’s not too late.’” Sharon enrolled in an art program, and on her advisor’s suggestion, took forensic anthropology as her science. “The advisor suggested it for no other reason than he thought it was the easiest science course for the science requirement,” says Isay. “But the minute she sat in that class, it was boom — this is what she was meant to do.” Isay tells this story to illustrate how calling, while very personal, is also relational. “People bump you this way and that way,” he says, often without realizing it. “When people find their callings, they want to honor those people who helped them get there.”
5. What comes after identifying your calling is what really matters. The old ‘finding your calling’ phraseology makes it sound like a calling is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow — you find it, and the story’s over. But Isay stresses that your calling is an ongoing process. “Understanding what your calling is — that’s very different than the blood, sweat and tears of actually doing it,” he says. Pursuing a calling may require going back to school or apprenticing; it may require starting a business. Often, notes Isay, it leads a person into a line of work that’s in service of others. “This book is basically a love letter to nurses, teachers, social workers — the people who don’t often get celebrated for the work they do,” he says.
6. Age is irrelevant. Isay found his calling when he was 21 and interviewed a man who’d been part of the Stonewall riots. “The minute I hit record, I knew that being a journalist and interviewing people was what I was going to do for the rest of my life,” he says. “I feel very lucky that lightning struck when I was very young.” But collecting stories for the book reminded him that a calling can be discovered at any age. The book includes an interview with someone who knew they wanted to be an NBA referee at age 15, and another who worked as an accountant for 30 years before discovering his passion for slicing lox. “Doing the work you’re meant to do is one of the most satisfying, remarkable experiences that a person can have,” says Isay, “so never give up.”
7. Calling often doesn’t come with a big paycheck. Another trend Isay sees in stories of people who find their calling: they often involve leaving a high-paying job for one that’s lower-paying but more satisfying. “The message we send to young people is that you want to do as little work as you can to make as much money as you can — that’s the dream,” says Isay. “But the wisdom in the StoryCorps archive is that there’s another, much more rewarding dream of taking risks and working very hard to live with integrity.” In the end, that’s the lesson he took away from writing this book. “There are no millionaires, no billionaires, no celebrities, nobody with a big Twitter following,” he says. “Just stories can teach us a lot about lives fully lived.”
Even more powerful is this one single, revelation:
The DEBUNKING of one of the worst lies ever told to you,
made even more devastating because it’s told to you by people you love;
People you admire; look up to; respect. . .
YOU HAVE A PURPOSE. . .
(NO YOU DON’T)
YOU HAVE A MEANING. . .
(THAT’S A LIE)
YOU HAVE A DESTINY. . .
(THAT’S A BUNCH OF BUNK)
YOU HAVE A REASON. . .
(THAT’S A CROCK OF SOMETHING STANKY YOU DON’T WANT IN YOUR PANTRY)
T R U T H :
You don’t have a Purpose
You don’t have a Meaning
You don’t have a Destiny
You don’t have a Reason. . .
THEY ARE PLURAL. . .
Not SINGULAR
The Purpose
The Meaning
The Destiny
The Reason
Y O U
had as a infant wasn’t the one you had as a toddler or a pre-schooler or in junior high or when you graduated from high school, college, with your first full time job, when you got married, had kids, got divorced, remarried, more kids, another career, moved, had grandkids, retired. . .
F A C T :
You’ve had more Purposes,
You’ve had more Meanings,
You’ve had more Destinies,
You’ve had more Reasons
slip through your hands than you’ve ever taken advantage;
THEY ARE ENDLESS
and FOREVER CHURNING IN YOU
WHAT’S THE USE(S)
what indeed for
N O W
Sometimes reaching out
and just holding hands
is a connection that your
H E A R T
will require that you do often. . .
In fact,
YOUR HEART
won’t be the same
E V E R
unless it’s connected
hand to hand
I saw her in the hallway when I walked into the facility
and she was talking on the phone
but it looked like she was talking to herself. . .
Moments later I saw her at the vending machine
OFF OF THE PHONE. . .
she was buying a bag of salted nuts
and was wheeling around her own oxygen tank
and it was a simple question I asked:
“How are you?”
with a most significant answer:
“YOU CAN’T BEAT A MOUNTAIN!”
Talk about your
B A M
of the Day
When people have asked me
since 1994
“HOW CAN YOU DO THIS WORK OF HOSPICE with all of the Death and Dying?”
My stock answer is anything but
I N S T O C K:
“Everyday I don’t so much serve the dying as much as I companion the Living,”
. . .the MOUNTAIN-CONQUERING-STORM-WALKING-FIRE-EATING-SUNSHINE-SHINING-BRIGHTER-RAYS-EVER-PRODUCING-LIVING
The Truth:
I’m still one of the most selfish people I’ve ever known
and I’m not ashamed to admit that by being a
Caring Catalyst
and showing up everyday
if to do nothing more than just
J O I N I N G H A N D S
I become more completed
than any box of jumbled puzzle pieces
could ever become
and I’m always in search of the next hand. . .
the not-so-much-missing-piece
but the not-yet-found-one. . .
Because you just can’t
BEAT A MOUNTAIN
In fact. . .
Compassion adds to its Peak
HAND AND HAND
D i s c o v e r
and ever
R E D I S C O V E R
Let’s go Climbing
and let’s have our seemingly
L A S T S T E P
be really just another one of our
F I R S T S
in the many
of more to come
Most of the time
a blank page
or a pen
aren’t ever necessary. . .
T H E Y
just come
in conversations
mostly to myself
at all hours of the day
and yes. . .
even in the middle of the night;
In fact,
some of the greatest ones are those
never scribbled down
or uttered/mumbled out
on a voicemail to self. . .
M O N K E Y M I N D
or
just creative genius. . .
the only thing
known for sure
is if there’s meds for it
I’ll refuse them. . .
It’s defined me
longer than I’ve held a pencil
or asked for notepads for
Birthday presents. . .
THEY JUST COME:
O R
MY PLAN A
INCLUDES THE POSSIBILITIES
OF OTHER OPTIONS
O R
O R
. . .JUST WHICH THREAD
WOULD YOU UNRAVEL
FROM YOUR TAPESTRY
O R
THE UNKNOWING PARISHIONER
Though the winter wind
blows its snow freely
like a strike-at-midnight
New Year’s Eve
Confetti Parade
The Church bell rings
not
It’s candles remain unlit
It’s organ
more silent than a
fingerless mute
No Word spoken
heard
or becoming flesh
and yet
there’s a powerful
sermon preached
not for the listener
or a waiting ear
but for the interpretation of an
open heart
and an unbowed head
The Altar may not be
knelt before
The Communion
only for a Serving
for One
from Another
Sacred
Holy
Hallowed
Deeper than a feeling
Closer than a next drawn Breath
More needed than an unnoticed Heartbeat
Grasped with fingers of faith
and never completely
explained
understood
It’s a game
only played by
c h i l d r e n
where the hiding and the seeking
are the same
and when you’re
t a g g e d
as you are
You know
Are sure
You Are IT
(written quickly with a cold hand on rumbled piece of legal pad while taking a break from shoveling snow after a recent snow storm that canceled church services)
IN PASSING
If Death is a roller coaster ride
forgive me for not standing in line
waiting to get on
I’m begging for a dying man’s pardon
for not paying Admission
To THAT
not-so-Amusing-Park
If Death
is sitting sea side
gentle breeze
warm sun
family nearby
splashing in the surf
my favorite playlist
glass of bourbon
over-sized ice cube bobbing
cuban cigar
book in hand
with others by my side
peeking out of an undersized satchel
By all Means
move me to the front of the line
Press
R E P E A T
repeatedly
Let me
Live my Death
whatever’s past
the largest number
TIMES
the next largest number
(Written shortly after walking out of patient’s room who had just died with her husband, son and brother at her bedside REMEMBERING unceasingly between sobs as I facilitated life/faith/family review an intentionally picked open the abscess of grief)
The real question for me:
I have never consciously chosen to write a single
Word
Sentence
Line
Paragraph
Page
Poem
Novel
that hasn’t bled itself out of me
no matter how tight the tourniquet. . .
How come my love
my compassion
my empathy
my caring
hasn’t always flowed just as easily
e f f o r t l e s s l y. . .
That’s the poem
with no rhyme or reason. . .
. . .and sometimes a poem happens
. . .and sometimes something greater:
L O V E
(known)
(shown)
(given)
(received)
Psssssssssssssssssssssssssst of the Day:
When your Plan A fails
WORK YOUR PLAN B
like it’s your Plan A +
. . .the quicker you adapt;
get OVER
YOUR PLAN A
and embrace your PLAN B
the more successful
and even better
the a s s u r a n c e
there’ll never be a
P L A N C
R E A L C O M M U N I O N
. . .What is real communion. . .
When I met her, she asked me to bring her real communion and I ask her what is real communion, and she said, “you know the one with wine not with grape juice.”
It started off an explosion of ideas and memories in me:
a little girl who asked me during a Junior Sermon one Sunday, “When can I have some of that ‘Jesus Juice’
a Deacon offering me the Cup during a recent Mass at an inpatient Hospice unit
a Eucharistic Minister who knew I wasn’t Catholic offering me Communion on a Maundy Thursday during Holy Week
catching a kid taking a hand full of Communion wafers and eating them like tic-tacs
But mostly:
what is r e a l c o m m u n i o n ?
is it actually symbolic of a piece of bread or broken bread or a way for symbolizes the broken body of Christ. . .
is a great juice is it real wind it symbolizes the shed blood of Christ. . .
Is it something less religious maybe even more spiritual. . .
is it the first time my father looked into the eyes of his newborn child. . .
is it the first time a new mom successfully Breast feeds her baby
Is it a couple on their wedding day sharing a Ritz cracker and a sip of Ginger ale because that’s what they shared on their first date in the park
is it a grandmother, literally tearing a loaf of bread in half and passing a piece each of their grandchildren on a picnic and explaining it doesn’t matter how big the piece is as long as it’s a shared piece. . .
is it the unspoken language between a husband and a wife of 50+ years sharing that one last look before one of them dies. . .
What. . .
What is Real Communion?
And who. . .
Who can have it. . .
Who can share or distribute it?
Probably safe to say, huh,
there are many different meanings
there are many different definitions
of what exactly is REAL COMMUNION
is the definition that you give to it
and maybe even greater still
the Priest you are WHO Share it. . .
Whatever Real Communion is to you
~~define it~~
share it~~
live it~~
be it…
because whatever real communion is,
it’s not a solitary confinement
or singular act
it ultimately is a shared experience
between you and another person
or a group of likeminded OTHERS
and if it’s not SHARED
then it’s not REAL COMMUNION
~~ it’s THEN whatever it is you define as it’s exact snd complete opposite
Maybe the universal definition of real communion is merely:
The hand who serves
r e a c h i n g
for the hand who receives
and simply
t o u c h
c o n n e c t
h o l d
(repeatedly)
The hand who serves is most like the hand who receives
only when it’s
e x t e n d e d
Maybe
R E A L C O M M U N I O N
it’s not so much
something you choose as much as
Y O U L I V E
(As you are)
