Maybe the question isn’t so much where do you find the sacred, the holy as much as where does it find you? Just where is the isn’t the sacred, or at least, what you call it? Whatever you find holy, wherever you find sacred, whatever feeds your soul and gives meaning to you, don’t let any label like the sacred or the holy or the religious or the spiritual or the essence or the energy take you away from it. . .
WHEN YOU FIND THE SACRED
you feel Peace
WHEN THE SACRED FINDS YOU
you become Peace
WE ARE A GENTLE, ANGRY PEOPLE
There are many different covers of this song but I like this version because it reminds me what we know, what we know we know, what we’d bet our lives that we know but for the LIFE OF US never act like we know. . .
WE ARE ALL INSTRUMENTS IN THE SYMPHONY OF THIS UNIVERSE
and the WE ARE AT OUR BESTS when we not only play in unison and harmony but when we just merely play together. . .
WE NEED TO BE THE CHORUS we already long have been and need to be now, UNMUTED, UNDILUTED, PURE, UNADULTERATED, UNFILTERINGLY US. . .
The video starts quietly but builds. I love how the singers end the song. ENJOY!
(My sincerest gratitude and appreciation to GALA Choruses.)
KINDNESS SPIDERS
WHAT’S THE FIRST THOUGHT THAT COMES TO YOUR MIND WHEN YOU THINK OF SPIDERS. . .
K I N D N E S S
. . .right?
I can’t remember but one or two times over the past 27 years of Hospice work and 42 years of being an ordained minister that I’ve actually had the opportunity to talk with a group of men. MEN DON’T HAVE MEETINGS OR GROUPS. Three or four times, tops; this past Tuesday was one of those times. It was a group of men who gathered for breakfast after voting to hear me talk about TAPPING INTO YOUR SPIRITUALITY
The group was attentive, engaged and conversational. They gave me a standing ovation with my ending quote from George Washington Carver, “HOW FAR YOU GO DEPENDS ON BEING GENTLE TO THE YOUNG, COMPASSIONATE TO THE ELDERLY, SYMPATHETIC OF THE STRIVING AND TOLERANT TO THE WEAK AND THE STRONG. . .BECAUSE ONE DAY, ONE DAY, YOU WILL HAVE BEEN EACH OF THESE.”
Paul came up to me after this as I was standing around having coffee with these guys as they began filtering out of the room. He introduced himself to me and asked if he could give me a gift.
He told me that I had to pick one for myself and for my wife and then two more to share with two other people of my choosing
He handed me his typed out paper and told me that the first paragraph was his MISSION STATEMENT.
His eyes were kind and reminded me of my dad’s, not so much the color, but the soft kindness that glistened from them. He spoke softly and annunciated each word as he read the SPIDER INSTRUCTION SHEET to me. He offered me his hand and didn’t shake it so much as held it firmly between us when he told me, “I’m old. I know I can’t change the world, but hopefully by being kind to one person at a time, I can change them, make them have a better day and they can go and do the same for some one else.” I told him how much I liked his marketing plan, especially how he carefully implemented it so personally.
Any time I talk to a group of people I usually tell them that I am not here for the group today, I AM HERE FOR JUST ONE PERSON (and then I literally pause for as long as it takes me to look into the face/eyes of each person) I JUST DON’T KNOW WHICH ONE And I don’t. Little did I know when I showed up for a Men’s Breakfast Group that I WAS THE ONE that day.
K I N D N E S S
Comes to us all in so many different ways and when it does it often not only changes us ever so slightly but inspires us to do the same.
KINDNESS SPIDERS. . . ?
Well. . .here’s hoping it’s one web we all get caught up in
and never become disentangled ever again
The Luckiest
My parents would have celebrated
their 69th Wedding anniversary
TODAY
June 7, 2021
I believe they still do
because that
“till death do us part”
never really separates. . .
Tomorrow
June 8, 2021
Erin and I are celebrating our
35th Wedding Anniversary.
On June 8, 1986
the odds makers gave us a 35% chance of surviving our second marriage
which blended two families together
and it even went down a few percentage points when we had
o u r
two children within the first four years of our marriage.
T O D A Y:
the odds makers are ruling in our favor.
T H E Y
say
77% of couples married since 1990 reached their 10-year anniversaries according to recent census figures. It’s a supposed slight increase from 74% in the 80’s when divorces were at an all-time high.
N O W
Fifty-Five percent of all married couples have been married for at least 15 years, according to the Census report, while 35 percent have celebrated their 25th anniversaries and a special
S I X P E R C E N T
have made it to 50 years.
The Social Scientists are giving us all kinds of reasons why couples have not only leveled off the divorce train but actually turned it around:
Better Communication
More Equal Rights and Pay
Being Friends First
Compatibility
Financial Stability
Bradford Wilcox, the Director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia tells us,
“Marriage is actually becoming more stable in America and divorce is becoming less common.”
He goes on to say,
“There is sort of more of a soul mate model of marriage today. . .50 years ago, this was one of the things you did when you became a young adult. You found a boyfriend or girlfriend and if you were pretty happy you’d go ahead and get married. . .Today the bar for marriage is much higher because people want a soul mate, not just a spouse. And a soul mate should be someone who is capable of providing you with emotional fulfillment, an intense relationship.”
What do I know after 35 years?
I know
that I can give the World, but Erin can bring me home.
I know
that we can show each other what we can never see by ourselves
I know
that she’s a beautiful blue ocean and I’m an extensive sandy shore
I know
that her Better
conquers my Worse
I know
that her Richness
obliterates my Poverty
I know
her Health
cures my Illnesses
I know
her Love is my never ending Christmas Day
I most ultimately know
I’m not
the strongest,
the bravest,
the smartest,
the brightest,
the thinnest,
the fastest,
the surest,
the most handsome
but no one can ever convince me
that I’m not the
l u c k i e s t
The one thing after all of these years
I absolutely-for-the-life-of-me-cannot-figure-out:
Why she said
Y E S
but I’m in heaven now and forevermore
because she
did. . .
Great relationships aren’t the ones that last a lifetime,
they’re ones that last a second past eternity.
I don’t know what the percentages of
T H A T
a r e. . .
but when you have it. . .
you no longer care;
It’s a Math
you can’t figure out
but adds up
a n y w a y
(and we just can’t stop smiling)
YOU, The Village
OVER ONE YEAR LATER
. . .We are literally living in some severely surreal times. . .
STILL
well past 365 days later
The World just doesn’t merely seem to be rocked on it’s axis
or upside down
But actually less Round than we previously thought. . .
and whatever it was we thought we knew
almost seems
myth-like
to what we’re feeling. . .
L I K E :
IT
TAKES
A VILLAGE
and not that it’s just a nice cliche
IT HAS NEW MEANING
We have all heard it said it takes a village to raise a child. . .
but what about an ADULT?
What’s it take to not so much raise but
CARE FOR
AN ADULT. . . ?
Because of our continuing
MASKING
PHYSICAL DISTANCING
HAND SCRUBBING
VACINNATING
We’ve never been less of a Village
than right now,
AND THEN AGAIN. . .
never more than
A Village
OF ONE
than NOW. . .
Who could have ever imagined,
even with all of our safety measures
that one person could be a Village. . .
that YOU are a Village?
It is true isn’t it. . .
Y O U
The Village
. . .How is that even possible?
Because now more than ever you are re-defining
overcoming the myth
you have lived with all of your life
The fib that’s been told to us
ever since we were very
very small
the lie that might’ve been the first lie
we ever heard:
That you have a purpose
That you have a reason
That you have a destiny
That you have a meaning. . .
T O D A Y
especially today
with what’s going on all around us
all that’s grumbling loudly within us
where our World feels like it has been
rolled down a steep hill
heading quickly for a cliff
of a dark unknown return
stumbling and rumbling out of place;
B U T
now more than
our ever
we are eerily discovering
that we were born for
THIS TIME
in THIS PLACE
for THIS MOMENT
THIS NOW. . .
And it’s not to be
For a Purpose
For a Meaning
For a Reason
For a Destiny. . .
It’s truly to be
A Village
YOU,
The Village
. . .because now more than ever
we have never been more
P L U R A L
than Who we are in right now. . .
Now more than ever
Y O U
are not just a Person
A Woman
A Mom
A Man
A Dad
A Partner
A Significant Other
A Uncle
A Aunt
A Grandfather
A Grandmother
You’re not just what your vocation says you are
you are all of those roles
all of those characters
wrapped up in one. . .
You are a walking
You are a talking
You are a living
You are a giving
V I L L A G E
YOU,
The Village
Now the most ultimate question of all
. . .especially for this new
N O W
is just what kind of a
Village are you. . . ?
Can you even be found on a map
Seen from a Satellite from way above;
Are you inclusive
Are you exclusive
Do you draw circles and include everybody
or are you a line drawer in the sand
that points as it emphasizes
you
You
and YOU
are IN
and
You
You
and most especially
Y O U
are out?
YOU,
The Village
are living in an age where the temporary feels like the permanent
but it most assuredly isn’t. . .
The new
NEW
is born in you
not just once
or once in a while
or even once a day
but every single moment. . .
And now
N O W
proves to us that it always has been this way
but never as magnified
as it is at this very
I N S T A N T
We have long heard the question
that determines whether or not we are
Optimists or Pessimists :
Is the glass half full or half empty?
N O W
Maybe another way to ask this question
Is this
NOW
Happening to us
or
HAPPENING
For Us. . .
It’s no longer
WHAT FILLS YOUR GLASS
b u t
WHAT EMPTY’S IT
(or WHO). . . ?
It’s not really a question to answer with your mouth
but your Actions;
so how live you. . .
not what say YOU
HOW LIVE YOU
YOU ARE A VILLAGE
To know it is one thing.
To be it is another.
But this
N O W
means to share it
is
the ultimate thing
. . .and then never let the
l o v i n g
stop from overflowing
from one
to another
until this
S E T T L E M E N T
becomes
YOU-NIVERASL
THRIVING Surviving
EVERYTHING THAT’S BEEN UNRAVELING
OVER THE PAST FEW WEEKS
AND NOW FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE. . .
well, it’s enough to make your head explode;
S O :
How DO YOU Keep the Greater Good in Mind During the Coronavirus Outbreak
In the midst of our panic around COVID-19, we must look to each other to help us get through it.
Recently, journalist JILL SUTTIE wrote an article that gave us a peek about how we can do better doing better. . .
Should we expect more cooperation and compassion in the face of an epidemic? Because, contrary to popular belief, crises often tend to bring out the best in people. A report that looked at how people responded during the September 11th Twin Tower attacks showed that people bent over backwards to help others escape, sometimes at great personal risk to themselves. Other reports on the aftermath of natural disasters show that strangers will stick out their necks for each other to help.
While it’s true that sometimes disasters can lead to a minority taking advantage of the situation—for example, stealing people’s possessions when they have to leave their house—this is not a common response, much as it grabs headlines. Instead, when we face a common enemy, like an epidemic, we are more likely to pull together for the benefit of everyone.
Notice how many young and healthy people are taking seriously the need to wash their hands frequently, cover their mouths when they cough, stay home when sick, or wear masks when in public. Sure, no one wants to get sick—but, at the same time, no one wants to be responsible for making others sick.
In fact, research shows that protecting others is a huge motivator for doing the right thing. For example, one study looked at what prompts handwashing behavior in hospital doctors and nurses. Researchers found that signs saying, “Hand hygiene prevents patients from catching diseases,” were more effective at prompting handwashing than signs simply saying, “Hand hygiene prevents you from catching diseases.” In other words, appealing to the health care workers’ altruistic care for their patients was more effective than appealing to their self-interest.
In fact, it may simply be human nature to be kind and helpful when others need us. In one recent study, children only four to five years old who were told that resisting a treat would benefit another child were better able to delay gratification than children told their actions would only affect themselves. Similarly, babies as young as 19 months old were willing to give food away to someone who appeared to need it, even when hungry themselves.
Of course, not everyone acts altruistically in these situations. So, what makes it more likely they will, and how can we use that to our advantage? Here are four ways we can encourage more altruism for fighting the virus.
1. Look to the heroes
There will always be heroic efforts in a disaster—people who sacrifice themselves for the good of others. Think of the health care workers who are treating people infected with this virus at great personal risk. Or those infected with the virus who voluntarily isolate themselves for weeks to protect the public.
When we hear stories of these people, we feel what is called moral elevation—a warm feeling inside that inspires us, fueling optimism and a desire to act altruistically ourselves. While the temptation might be to focus on fear and everything going wrong, we can redirect our attention to those who are doing the right thing, which will lead us to be better citizens ourselves.
2. Stay calm and focused
It’s easy to be lost in fear when disaster strikes. However, it doesn’t help anyone to stir up panic about the situation, because we don’t think as clearly when we are in emergency mode. You can see how this has played out already, as people have been stockpiling masks and creating a shortage that could affect the people who truly need them—those who are sick and need masks to avoid spreading the disease to the rest of us.
How can we stay calmer and make wiser choices? One way is to use whatever tools you have at your disposal for keeping a cool head—like practicing mindfulness, which has been shown to both lessen emotional reactivity and help us make better decisions. We might take a walk in the park or nearby woods and let nature soothe us. Or we could talk to a friend—a calm friend, that is—who can help us reduce our anxiety.
Of course, our normal ways of connecting socially—like singing together at a concert or going to large parties—may have to change. But whatever we can do to maintain an air of calm, and to spread it to those around us, the better. After all, our emotions tend to be contagious in our social circles, and we should do our best to keep fear and panic contained.
3. Show gratitude
One of the kindest things we can do is to say “thank you” to those who are doing what they can to fight the outbreak. As with my son’s university, it doesn’t hurt to send a message of thanks to people and organizations that are doing the right thing—whether it’s a tour group that offers refunds for cancelled trips, the neighbor who delivers a spare mask to you, or viral experts who give you straight-up information on how to stay safe.
When we show gratitude toward others, we let them know that their actions matter, which encourages more of the same kind of behavior—not only toward the grateful person but to others. Creating a cycle of altruism is helpful when we are faced with a challenge that affects us all, helping to foster trust in each other and care for each other’s plight.
4. Remember our common humanity and show compassion
When we are fearful, our first instinct might be to cast blame on others or to indulge in prejudice toward groups we see as responsible. News reportsalready show that some people of Asian descent in the United States are finding themselves shunned or the victims of racist profiling, simply because the virus appears to have originated in China. Though we might rationally know that no one person or country can be blamed for a viral outbreak, our minds still seek simple explanations.
Research suggests that when we recognize our common humanity and show compassion, we are more likely to pull together and to solve issues that may be complex in nature. You can start by giving yourself some compassion, which can help you become more willing to admit mistakes and take steps to correct them. This is important, as human error can be costly when there is a viral outbreak, and we need to work together to learn from our mistakes.
Of course, all of these guidelines don’t supplant the importance of practicing good hygiene. We need to continue to frequently wash our hands and avoid touching our faces, so that we can lessen the chance of infecting ourselves and others. But we also should remember our
social hygiene—looking for the heroes, staying calm ourselves, being grateful, and remembering our common humanity. In this way, we can help to make the world safer for all of us.
Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
You don’t need a crystal ball to know that
it doesn’t matter what you hold in your hand
so much as how you extend what you hold
to others. . .
DO THAT
and the immediate
the most intimate
World around you
not only becomes richer;
you become priceless
Y O U
T H R I V E
S U R V I V I N G
NO WORDS
Sometimes. . .
n o w o r d s
are the best sentiments that can ever be stated. . .
John Prine’s
SUMMER’S END
found me
this past week
b e t w e e n
multiple bombs in the mail
Six Celebration of Life Services I conducted
(one was an overdose of a father of three)
and the brutal shooting and death of 11 at a Pittsburgh Synagogue
COME ON HOME,
COME ON HOME,
YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE ALONE,
JUST COME ON HOME
PEACE JUST DOESN’T HAPPEN
I T B E C O M E S
and I
(w e)
usher it
(OR NOT)
COME ON HOME,
COME ON HOME,
YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE ALONE,
JUST COME ON HOME
R I N G S
R I N G S
I am not. . .
as good as one I imagined;
I know the basics:
PAIN is caused by ATTACHMENT
PEACE: D E T A C H M E N T
Just about everyday since October 31, 1994
when I began working with Hospice and
DEATH & DYING
I’ve learned to die a little bit every day;
Embrace it;
When I go to bed and asleep (very quickly) each night
I have a huge sense of GRATITUDE
and an
OK-NESS
with the possibility I might not awaken
but not quite yet
(IF SHE DOESN’T AWAKE)
(Most likely from the childhood prayer my parents prayed and taught me every night:
NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP
I PRAY THE LORD MY SOUL TO KEEP
IF I SHOULD DIE BEFORE I WAKE
I PRAY THE LORD MY SOUL TO TAKE
I practice DEATH every day
(but apparently never. . .ever enough)
because I know, I know that I know, bet my Life that I know
(but don’t always ACT like I know)
that ONE DAY I will die. . .
(that she will die)
Now that’s one thing, isn’t it. . .
but when it’s not
YOUR LIFE
but ANOTHER’S;
ONE WHO YOU DEEPLY LOVE
more desperately than your next breath. . .
well, now, that’s an whole other
MATTER. . .
W O R D S
much like these
but maybe laced with a little more effectiveness
sincerity
have been said by many of us;
I’ve guided hundred’s in reciting/repeating them;
been at the bedsides of lifetime lovers who whisper them again to each other;
presided over the funeral of ONES. . .
who now very painfully have become TWOS (again)
“FOR BETTER FOR WORSE
FOR RICHER FOR POORER
IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH
TO LOVE AND TO CHERISH. . .”
Each time during the Summer for the past three years I’ve reflected;
E X P E R I E N C E D
The other side of the coin of
THE BETTER
THE RICHER
THE HEALTH
and a much deeper
TO LOVE AND TO CHERISH
The other side of the coin is dirty
indistinguishable
The OTHER SIDE OF THE SHEETS
are rough;
much too ruffled/unsmooth/scratchy/P A I N F U L
When I saw her lying on the floor that early Sunday morning
seizing uncontrollably
watching my son
rolling her on her side
and calling 911 at the same time;
when I saw her limp and lifeless in the back of an ambulance;
lying on a gurney in the emergency room;
looking in her eyes and for the first time seeing them
NOT RECOGNIZING me
or any semblance of the language we’d seamlessly share with a mere glance;
it made me see a shore without her waves
a life without her life. . .
When I held her wedding ring in my hand
while she was getting an MRI
and a series of endless seemingly endless
eternally long tests
that were screaming to me
“There’s no mass; no bleed, no sign of stroke but we still don’t know why she had five Grand Mal seizure. . .”
I remember these words, along with a Niagara Falls of furious, fearful thoughts:
HER WEDDING RING
feels so very much
different
foreign
alien
small
in my hand
than it ever felt
on her hand
as I held it
squeezed it
without her holding
squeezing mine
back
I wrote a series of poems
thoughts
f e a r s
that have remained
in an old notebook
unshared
with
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SHEETS
We have all kinds of
r i n g s
Ring around the Rosie
Ring around the Collar
Ring around the Moon
Ring of my phone
Ring my neck
rivals not
which would have me WRUNG OUT
without it
bare beyond on naked. . .
Y O U ?
O N E
Every year in
Louisville, KY
the first week of February
a group of nearly 1000 students
from all around the state of Kentucky
gather together each evening during the
K M E A Conference
to sing our great nation’s
National Anthem. . .
While I have never been at the
Louisville, KY Hyatt Regency Hotel
to witness this moment
I feel very much a part of it
even now
listening to it sung
almost as a
l u l l a b y. . .
As a Caring Catalyst
I am never much about
making political statements
or backing candidates
or politcal parties
or even espousing
governmental sentiments
so much as
working towards a
u n i t y
that
brings us together as
o n e
like never before. . .
W h e n
I hear something like this
I feel a little closer to
T H A T
o n e
that need not be a dream
any longer for
any
o n e. . .
You don’t have to see my hand
to know
it’s extended to join yours
to know
to bet our very lives
that we don’t have to agree
to be
o n e
and realize
it’s been a part of the
e q u a t i o n
to make
I T
o n e
a l l a l o n g!