What’s the song
—your song—
that you’re giving,
teaching the world to hear,
hum
As the world fights to figure everything out,
Political unrest
COVID,
BLM,
Life. . .
It’s an easy question
for the current moments
as we quickly leave the Holiday’s
(WHAT HOLIDAY’S)
way out of the sight of our rear view mirrors:
DO YOU WANT TO HAVE A GREAT MONDAY. . . ?
DO YOU WANT A GUARANTEED MOST AWESOME LIFE. . . ?
Be Bold Enough
T R Y
Holding doors for strangers
Letting people cut in front of you in traffic
Keeping babies entertained in grocery lines
Stopping to talk to someone who is lonely
(or someone who’s not)
Tipping generously
Sharing food
Giving children (and the Children in all of us)
a thumbs-up
Being patient with sales clerks and tired waitresses
Smiling at passersbys
Complimenting strangers. . .
W H Y ?
Because
from now on
standing to live in a world
where love is invisible
is no longer acceptable. . .
Join me in
BEING
k i n d n e s s
PERSONIFIED COMPASSION
Understanding
judging less. . .
Be kind to a stranger
give grace to people who may be having a bad day
(assuming that everyone you meet might be having their worst day ever)
Be forgiving with yourself.
If you can’t find kindness
(because it hides sometimes better than showing off it’s bad self)
BE KINDNESS
Person by Person
Put down forever
the gavel of judgement
and it that hallowed
S i L e N c E
HEAR PEACE
That KINDNESS BEAT
that’ll do much more than get your foot tapping
. . .it’ll get it
MARCHING
in a new direction
HEAR YE,
HEAR YE. . .
INAUGURATED
C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S
THIS IS YOUR DAY
not a personal
Christmas
Birthday
Memorial Day
Independence Day
Easter
Passover
Hanukkak
Kwanzaa
Labor Day
Halloween
Thanksgiving
New Year’s
No, no. . .
It is YOUR INAUGURATION DAY
Y O U R S
THE DAY
you will begin to bring a phase of
U N I T Y
the likes
you or no one else has ever experienced,
YOU
The inaugural speech that will be given in just a few mere hours is likely to echo calls for unity that predecessors have invoked since the first time George Washington was sworn in.
“Unity has always been an aspiration,” says presidential historian Douglas Brinkley. “It seems like whenever we have foreign policy flare-ups, we use the word freedom. But when we have domestic turmoil we use the word unity.”
The United States was forged through compromise among factions that disagreed profoundly on slavery, regional influence and the relative powers of state and federal government. When Washington assumed office in 1789 he cited the blessings of providence in noting that “the tranquil deliberations and voluntary consent of so many distinct communities, from which the event has resulted, cannot be compared with the means by which most governments have been established.”
Jefferson was the third U.S. president, and the first whose rise was regarded by opponents as a kind of emergency. The 1800 election won by Jefferson marked the beginning of competing political parties — Jefferson was a leader of the Democratic-Republican Party, losing incumbent John Adams a Federalist — and critics regarded the new president as a dangerous atheist. “JEFFERSON — AND NO GOD!!!” was how one Federalist paper described Jefferson’s candidacy. Adams did not attend the inauguration, a breach rarely repeated although Trump has vowed to do the same.
“Let us then, fellow citizens, unite with one heart and one mind,” Jefferson urged in his address. “We are all republicans: we are all federalists. If there be any among us who would wish to dissolve this union, or to change its republican form, let them stand undisturbed as monuments of the safety with which error of opinion may be tolerated, where reason is left free to combat it.”
Supreme Court Chief Justice John Marshall, a Federalist who administered the oath of office to Jefferson, wrote later that the speech was “in the general well judged and conciliatory.”
Lincoln’s pleas were more dire, and tragically unmet, despite what historian Ted Widmer calls his “genius to combine urgency with literary grace.” Seven out of 11 future Confederate states had seceded from the U.S. before he spoke, in March 1861, over fears he would end slavery. The Civil War would begin a month later. “We are not enemies, but friends,” Lincoln had insisted, reminding fellow Americans of their “mystic chords of memory” while also warning that resistance to the will of voters would destroy democracy.
“A majority held in restraint by constitutional checks and limitations, and always changing easily with deliberate changes of popular opinions and sentiments, is the only true sovereign of a free people. Whoever rejects it does of necessity fly to anarchy or to despotism,” he said.
Historian David Greenberg, whose books include “Nixon’s Shadow” and “Republic of Spin,” cites Richard Nixon’s inaugural in 1969 as another speech given at a time of social turmoil. The U.S. was violently divided over the Vietnam War and civil rights, and Nixon himself had long been seen as an unprincipled politician exploiting fears and resentments — appealing to what he would call “the silent majority.” His speech at times was openly and awkwardly modeled on the 1961 inaugural of John F. Kennedy, who had defeated Nixon in 1960.
“We are caught in war, wanting peace. We are torn by division, wanting unity,” Nixon stated. “We cannot learn from one another until we stop shouting at one another — until we speak quietly enough so that our words can be heard as well as our voices.”
Some presidents asked for unity, others asserted it.
Franklin Roosevelt, elected in a landslide in 1932 during the Great Depression, said in his first inaugural speech: “If I read the temper of our people correctly, we now realize as we have never realized before our interdependence on each other.” Four years later, having won by an even greater landslide, he declared the country had “recognized” a need beyond financial help, a “deeper” need, “to find through government the instrument of our united purpose.”
Unity can prove more imagined than real. When James Buchanan spoke in 1857, three years before the Civil War, he claimed that “all agree that under the Constitution slavery in the states is beyond the reach of any human power except that of the respective states themselves wherein it exists.” Rutherford B. Hayes, whose presidency was marked by the retrenchment of federal troops from the post-Civil War South and ongoing resistance from Southern whites to equal rights for Blacks, declared during his 1877 inaugural that true peace could be achieved through the “united and harmonious efforts of both races” and the honest work of local self-government.
“A president often claims the country is ‘united’ behind a belief when it’s more wishful thinking than reality,” Widmer says. “I’m not sure how many Americans wanted to do something for their country after JFK asked them to — although there were impressive new kinds of volunteers, like the Peace Corps. And I think that many Americans still appreciated help from the government, even after Ronald Reagan declared that ‘government is the problem.’ “
So let’s have it. . .
what’s your speech
what are you going to say to
unify
validate
inspire
motivate
guide
What will you Legislate in your Personal Constitution:
What will you Amend into Law
Before you BRING HOPE
who will you look to
GET HOPE. . .
NOW THAT’S AN INAUGURAL STATEMENT
let it begin in the very Soul of
US
and beat from the very Heart of
US
THE MORAL OF THE STORY
Sometimes. . .
there’s no need for the
Moral of the Story
Sometimes. . .
we are the
MORAL OF THE STORY
which is. . .
________________________________________________________________________
(GO AHEAD, FILL IN THE BLANK)
Sometimes. . .
it really is this simple:
OR
(even more simply):
(that is all)
A I M I N G
WE ALL WANT IT. . .
A CRYSTAL BALL
that’ll not only predict the
F U T U R E
but INSURE IT
which brings us to a
NEW YEAR
which brings us to a
HOST OF GOALS. . .
So Spill:
WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS FOR 2021
and maybe more importantly:
HOW DO YOU AIM IN KEEPING THEM. . . ?
It reminds me of the classic story of a guy who bragged of all of the bullseyes he could guarantee any time, any place and when it came to
PUT UP/SHUT UP TIME
He would shoot his bow and arrow
F I R S T
and then draw a bullseye around his arrow
backing up his infamous guarantee
. . .uhhhhhhhhhhh
just not quite the way we
DRAW THEM UP. . .
So just what are your goals for 2021
and maybe more importantly:
HOW DO YOU AIM IN KEEPING THEM. . .
SO. . .How Do You Set Goals You’ll Actually Achieve
Getty ImagesBY AMANDA LOUDIN JANUARY 4, 2021 8:55 AM EST
Journalist, Amanda Loudin recently shared in TIME MAGAZINE that whether you want to run a marathon, eat more healthfully or just get off the couch a little more, “for the majority of people, setting a goal is one of the most useful behavior change mechanisms for enhancing performance,” says Frank Smoll, professor of psychology at the University of Washington. “It’s highly individual,” he says—there’s no one way to achieve a goal. But these goal-setting strategies will help you stay the course.
Pick a specific, realistic goal
People often start setting goals with a little too much gusto, trying to overhaul many aspects of their life at once. But that can quickly become overwhelming and backfire. “It’s better to have a systematic approach and identify the one or two that are the most important,” Smoll says.
Making your goal specific can help you follow through on it; research suggests that narrowly defining a goal helps you clarify the tasks necessary for reaching it. “You should define your goal discretely enough to measure and use it effectively,” Smoll says.
It should also be realistic, says Zander Fryer, founder of the coaching company High Impact Coaching. He’s a fan of the Goldilocks-sized goal. “If it’s too big, it will scare you off; too small, and it won’t motivate you,” he says. “Each individual must figure out the goal that gets them moving.” To stay accountable, give yourself a timeline that you can achieve, recommends Fryer. “That will motivate you to take action.”
Create a plan of attack
Whenever you set one goal, you should actually set two: a process goal and product goal, Smoll says. Aiming for a 4.0 grade-point average would be a product goal: the ultimate objective. A process goal would outline the steps it takes to get there. While the product goal gets all the attention, the process goal is equally vital.
Write down a plan for how you’ll go about achieving your end goal, identifying specific strategies. If a hockey player wants to get 5% faster, for instance, “a productive achievement strategy could include skating additional 10 sprints after practice each day,” Smoll says.
Jason Bahamundi, who has completed eight Ironman races and 30 ultramarathons, sets a process goal before every race. “I think a lot about the training, the timing and the cost of what I’m undertaking,” he says. “If I can think about the challenge and then work backwards, I’m successful.”
Be accountable to yourself and others
Setting the goal is the fun part. Sticking to it is tougher. “You will hit barriers and fears,” Fryer says, so accountability is important, especially at the beginning. “Having a mentor, a partner or social accountability will help when you reach a sticking point.”
Fryer recommends choosing someone who you don’t want to disappoint, paying for a mentor or accountability partner or finding someone with similar objectives through a professional or social media group. This person can help by defining clear expectations, focusing on performance and monitoring progress.
Honing your patience will be helpful as well. “Remind yourself that achieving a goal takes persistence, drive and resilience,” Fryer says. “Set your expectations that it will be harder and take longer than you expect.”
That means recognizing when you might need to stop and catch your breath. Bahamundi knows how to guard against mental fatigue by building breaks into his process, particularly when he’s preparing for long events. “I train hard for three weeks at a time and then take a full recovery week,” he says. Cycling through work and rest can help you avoid burnout in any endeavor, whether you’re aiming to lose weight, improve a relationship or launch a big career change.
Find joy in the process
Savoring how it feels to chase your goal is useful for maintaining motivation long term, says Brad Stulberg, a performance coach and co-founder of the Growth Equation. “Most people cycle through three stages: the grind of putting your head down and doing the work, anger and fear of failure, and enjoyment,” he says. But finding joy in showing up for the work is essential throughout the whole process and shouldn’t be left for the end. “Before you take on a goal, visualize the process and how it makes you feel,” Stulberg says. “If you become tight and constricted, it’s probably not the right goal or time. If you feel open and curious, that’s a good sign.”
The process won’t uplift you all the time, so it’s important to mark the little achievements en route to the big prize. “As you make progress along the way, celebrate each of the smaller steps,” says Smoll. “I like the saying ‘Yard by yard is hard, but inch by inch, it’s a cinch.’ Self validation is very motivating.”
When you do reach the finish line, you might just find that the process—not the product—was the real prize. “I know that every day I’m out there working is putting me in a better position to be successful on race day,” Bahamundi says. “The race is my celebratory lap for all the hard work I’ve put in.”
So just what are your goals for 2021
and maybe more importantly:
HOW DO YOU AIM IN KEEPING THEM. . . ?
By drawing Bullseyes all over the place
BEFORE TAKING AIM
AND SHOOTING YOUR ARROWS
BEFORE YOU DRAW
O R
are you gonna scrap your
PLAN A
and go with the multiple
PLAN B’s
that always seem to be the most
readily available
(just not the popular choosing/doing/getting WHAT WE’VE AIMED FOR)
Playing out the hand we’re dealt while searching for the missing
PIECE OF OUR PUZZLE
is a Candle Snuffer
to any new 2021
GOAL/DREAM
we could venture. . .
B U T
How about this. . .
if you wanna set a goal
set a dream
that you can achieve
that will never FAIL
that you set 100%
every day
and every day will set and achieve IT
S E T
THIS ONE:
I will be a better person today than I was yesterday with just one kind act!
Just one not 101 not 1001
just one
Even if it’s the same one that you did yesterday
. . .Just one kind act
My goal
My Dream
MY AIM
(a guaranteed Bullseye)
is just to be a better person
than I was yesterday. . .
And not only will that make for a better person
not only will that make for a better community
not only will that make a better world
it will make for a better
achievable
measurable
y o u
guaranteed
no fail. . .
BET IT!
Putting the NEW in new year
This video by J J Heller makes
It a fair question. . .
especially since 2021 is just barely
under a 100 hours old:
WHAT MAKES FOR A HAPPY NEW YEAR?
Wealth
Health
Fitness
Weight
Possessions
Relationships
Vaccines
Scientific Discoveries
Medical Advances
Bank Accounts
Books
Music
Movies
YOUR FILL IN THE ____________________WISH
W H A T ?
There’s a reason why the
Windshield
is so very much bigger
than the rear view mirror;
G A W K
unblinkingly
at what lies before you
with only a quick glance
at what’s already behind you
. . .good advice for a New Year;
better advice for what ails you
(and it cuts down tremendously on collisions)
So make sure when you look back
to see ahead
your eyes aren’t covered
and you don’t blink. . .
Do you want to know the secret for having a successfully awesome
2 0 2 1
. . .it’s no different than the success
of any other years:
DO MORE FOR OTHERS
THAN YOU DO FOR YOURSELF
. . .GUARANTEE:
Making others Happy
will bring you unspeakable joy
. . .It’s like taking someone out to dinner:
YOU GET FED, too
Hey, don’t take my words for it:
You’ve got
8 6 6 4
hours to prove it beginning
NOW
Put the NEW
in a New Year
(You are that Powerful)
MOVIED OUT
CUTE AS A BUTTON
and all of the other
sappy stuff
that comes with
CHRISTMAS MOVIES
that has us reaching for the box of tissues
and wiping our eyes
before we remote control
ourselves to the next one
that’ll do the same thing all over again
(but only better)
Just what exactly
LIGHTS UP YOUR CHRISTMAS TREE. . . ?
Sure, Netflix Christmas Movies Are Often Patently Absurd; They’re Also Occasionally Perfect
It’s official: our brains are fried. The holiday season is stressful enough in normal times. But this year, what we wouldn’t give to have that normal level of present-buying, cookie-baking, tree-decorating stress, instead of all this 2020-specific heartache, anxiety and exhaustion. It’s enough to make you want to line up a bunch of Netflix Christmas movies and gaze upon them, one after another, with reckless disregard for alleged quality or degree of believability. In fact, the less realistic, the better. A Chicago cupcake baker—who bears an uncanny resemblance to the duchess of a phony European nation—falling in love with a prince? Calgon, take me away, Right?
By no means does Netflix have a monopoly on the brain-candy Christmas movie; these have been Lifetime and Hallmark Channel staples for years, and it’s likely that even people you’d never suspect harbor a secret favorite or two. (Hallmark’s The Nine Lives of Christmas, from 2014, involves cats and a fireman played by Brandon Routh. Probably only about eight people have seen that one.) But Netflix, in addition to flooding the market with original movies, makes it numbingly simple to watch one of these films after another, with barely a flick at your trackpad. You can stack up Holidate (an unsentimental Emma Roberts lines up Australian hottie Luke Bracey as a boyfriend for holidays only), Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey (a lively, if overlong, musical fantasy about an eccentric toy inventor played by Forrest Whitaker) and The Princess Switch: Switched Again—a sequel to the 2018 sensation featuring Vanessa Hudgens as the aforementioned duchess-doppelganger baker—all without having to leave the bathtub, unless you need to refill your wine glass. Once you’ve jetted through those, you can shimmy over to Alien Xmas, The Christmas Chronicles: Part Two, or any number of Christmas-themed offerings from earlier years. You could always just watch A Christmas Prince—or either of its two sequels—again.
I know what you’re going to ask next: Aren’t these movies bad? Shouldn’t I be embarrassed about watching them? The answer to the second question is NO, because how we respond emotionally to visual information is not an arena for shame or judgment. Does that mean that there are more beautifully made and wonderfully acted Christmas movies beyond these? Of course. Check out Jimmy Stewart in Ernst Lubitsch’s 1940 Shop Around the Corner—for my money the most beautiful, bittersweet holiday romance—for the lot of them.
It is possible to give yourself over to a movie even when it’s written in lingo you’ve seen many times before—to note how pretty a castle looks when it’s surrounded by snowy trees, to admire a fairy-tale character’s colorful wool coat, to succumb to the unsurprising surprise of two allegedly mismatched characters bumping into each other beneath the mistletoe—without scolding yourself for what gives you pleasure. The line between a cliché and a cherished convention is often so slim it’s almost undetectable.
So what awaits you in the Christmas 2020 Netflix queue? Holidate works too hard at being raunchy, but you may happen to have a soft spot for Emma Roberts and her resolute eyebrows. Plus, you’ve got Luke Bracey as a ridiculously good-looking manly-man golf pro with a surprisingly sensitive side. You may as well be eating ice cream right out of the carton. Jingle Jangle—a holiday fantasy aimed at kids, but not bad for adults—is quietly radical in its mostly Black cast. It’s a switch from the norm that underscores how misguided those norms are in the first place. Plus, the costumes (by Michael Wilkinson) are a delight, a riot of Victorian and steampunk silhouettes rendered in traditional Kente cloth and African wax prints.Madalen Mills as Journey Jangle and Forest Whitaker as Jeronicus Jangle in ‘Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey’ Gareth Gatrell/NETFLIX
But for pure candy-box escapism, the prize goes to The Princess Switch movies, with Vanessa Hudgens playing at least two different versions of Vanessa Hudgens. In the first Princess Switch, she’s the perky Chicago baker, Stacy De Novo, who, while attending a baking competition in the picturesquely phony European nation of Belgravia, discovers that she’s a dead ringer for svelte and elegant Lady Margaret, a royal denizen of the nearby and equally phony European nation known as Montenaro. Lady Margaret is engaged to be married to the Prince of Belgravia, the kind but seemingly bland Edward (Sam Palladio). Unfortunately, she’s just not that into him. Meanwhile, Stacy’s best friend and business partner, the totally hot and adorable Kevin (Nick Sagar), has a crush on her that’s been unrequited for years; Stacy loves Kevin platonically, but doesn’t feel any sparks. Margaret, bound by her royal duties, longs for more spontaneity; Stacy wouldn’t mind being a fancy royal for a day or so. And so the two switch identities, only to discover that one woman’s rejected beau is the other’s dream match. The movie ends with one royal wedding and a hint at a future engagement. Everybody goes home happy.
In The Princess Switch: Switched Again, Lady Margaret is about to be crowned Queen of Montenaro. Sadly, her acquiescence to royal duty has broken up her romance with Kevin (though you know that’s not going to stick). Enter Margaret’s bad gal cousin Fiona (played by—surprise!—Hudgens again), a party girl with a peroxide tumble of tresses, who favors tacky clubwear and faux furs in tones not found in nature. Fiona hatches a scheme to impersonate Margaret and thus become Montenaro’s monarch. Chaos ensues, though romance prevails.Vanessa Hudgens and Vanessa Hudgens in ‘The Princess Switched: Switched Again’ Netflix
If nothing else, how can you not love the idea of fictional countries with names that sound borrowed from 1960s sportswear companies? The Princess Switchand its followup are so indefensibly enjoyable they need no defense. Recently, over socially distanced lunch with a friend, I found myself regaling him with a highly animated summary of the first movie’s plot. “Oh. It’s Shakespeare,” he said, between bites of sandwich. (It’s also a device Mark Twain put to use in The Prince and the Pauper.) Stories of swapped identities, of one character being mistaken for another and causing mischief, or falling in love, are nothing new, and they were invented by people with good instincts for what human beings like. Our consistencies unite us across eras.
If you were to break the Princess Switch movies down to their barest elements, they could almost be performance art—big squares, circles and triangles that speak in ways that defy words. These are movies written in flag language, semaphore that can be read clearly from a great distance. Switched Again ends with (spoiler alert), a wedding, a reconciliation and a coronation, all of which tap out a code that our wilted minds receive gratefully. We may think our brains aren’t working, but they are; they’re experts in the art of the busman’s holiday. Love, forgiveness, the beauty of a sparkly gown: These are oversized signals, easy to read and comprehend from a great distance, reaching out to us as we watch from our respective isolated islands, or bathtubs. If they were good enough for the Elizabethans, they’re good enough for us. . .
So let’s have it:
WHAT ARE YOUR GO-TO’S
WHAT ARE YOUR TOP-FIVE-GOTTA-SEE-THEM-AT-CHRISTMAS-MOVIES:
A CHRISTMAS STORY
HOME ALONE
IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE
WHITE CHRISTMAS
CHRISTMAS VACATION
LAST CHRISTMAS
WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING
HOLIDAY
LOVE, ACTUALLY
If there was ever a year
to gush
to be sappy
to go all comedy
to reach far for the box of tissues
2020
is THAT year. . .
so pop some corn
get the fire crackling
turn on the Christmas tree lights
turn off all of the other lights
bundle up with your favorite blanket
and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
e n j o y
(and be the better for it)
ENOUGH
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. . .
It’s really hard to
S H U S H
especially this time of the year
and it’s almost impossible to
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT
YOUR EYES CLOSED
YOU EARS OPEN
all at once
but
before you listen to this song again
read the lyrics:
I Have Enough By JJ Heller, David Heller, and Taylor Leonhardt
There’s a box up in the attic
Full of treasures from my past
Paper snowmen from a season
Melting into spring too fast
Clay and glitter, wood and glue
May not seem like much to you
It reminds me of
All the ones I love
When I think of them
I think I have enough
We may not live up in the mountains
Like we always wanted to
But this old house shines like a diamond
With Christmas lights hung on the roof
It might not be the life I dreamed
But it’s become my favorite scene
It reminds me of
All the ones I love
When I think of them
I think have enough
Everything I want this Christmas
Doesn’t cost a single thing
Cookies baking in the kitchen
Hearing little voices sing
Tell the story once again
Peace on earth, goodwill to men
It reminds me of
All the ones I love
When I think of them
I think I have enough
It reminds me of
All the ones I love
When I think of them
I think I have enough
. . .AND
just what does three ties have to do with
THAT SONG. . . ?
EVERYTHING!
I’ve had those ties for years
but not for as long as they’ve actually been created. . .
The two on the left
are between 65-70 years old
. . .I inherited from my grandfather
and rarely wear them
because they are fragile
and I don’t want the last time I tie them
to be the last time I tie them. . .
The tie on the far right
is my father-in-law’s
that I inherited shortly after he died
and no one in the family wanted it
. . .none of them
would make the cover of
G Q
but they continue to flutter through the pages
of my mind
in a most gentle
but powerful way
that makes me feel close
to both of these men
ESPECIALLY AT CHRISTMAS
when I realize
much like
J J Heller’s song,
I HAVE ENOUGH
. . .What takes you
T H E R E
what song
what food
what smell
what word
what texture
what piece of clothing
what scene
what feeling
takes you way past
that box in the attic
out of your head
and into your heart
of memories
that makes you feel:
I HAVE ENOUGH
. . .more importantly
what song
what food
what smell
what word
what texture
what piece of clothing,
what scene
what feeling
WILL YOU BE SHARING
that’ll keep you out of some
attic box
past someone’s memory
but burrowed deep
into their heart
and forever
in the delicate
l a c e s
of their
soul
that’ll forever make them feel:
I
H A V E
E N O U G H
Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
GIVE THAT
(no receipts or returns necessary)
A Candle Maker’s Lesson
(PART TWO AND MY LAST SHAMELESS OFFER OF
THE CANDLE MAKER)
I want to recommend this product at Amazon
The Candle Maker
by Amazon.com
Learn more: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1647189306/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_imm_awdb_xAeYFb8H31XXG
I wrote this book over twenty years ago
without giving much thought
to exactly who might actually be reading it
some twenty years later
without giving much thought
that most of those reading it. . .
I didn’t even know
or hadn’t ever met then
B U T
the one common thread
to this tapestry
was always the hope that it would do
FOR YOU
FOR OTHERS
what it had already done for me. . .
The Premise
is also the Promise:
IF YOU’RE NOT BRINGING THE LIGHT
YOU’RE ADDING TO THE DARKNESS
Most of my life
people have asked me,
“WHAT’S YOUR SECRET?
Why are you always upbeat?
Why do you never seem to have a bad day or let things get you down?
THE CANDLE MAKER
is my answer. . .
It’s the shortest book
that’ll take you a year to read
l i t e r a l l y
because every day
it invites you to read
one of the
Candle Maker’s Lessons
(there are 12 of them)
three times a day
(morning, afternoon, before bed)
(90 seconds)
for 365 days. . .
JUST DOING THAT
is kind of life-changing. . .
Out of the some 18.6 million
self-help books published last year
each tell a different perspective
that worked for
each individual author
which means it may not actually work
FOR YOU
but it’s worth the venture
in finding out
or best yet
cutting/pasting
what works and doesn’t work
FOR YOU. . .
which is why
I’m sharing the first of the twelve
Candle Maker’s Lessons
(Don’t wait to start something when you can begin IT now)
THERE ARE SOME THINGS I CANNOT LEARN IN THE PLACE I AM SEEING THE LIGHT. . .
So I will look. . .look. . .look and trust that where there is darkness–the light is sure to come.
I can only see can find if I’m truly seeking in the right places. I will make where I am the only right place to be today.
This day I will spend my time, not just in seeking, for the search will offer up it’s own reward. This day, I will look in the places where only the light shines, not in the darkness, hoping.
If there is any darkness in me, I will save it for another time, for it too, will be illuminated.
For this day, this moment, center stage, even if it’s off left or right, will be the only place in my life where the light happens to be shining, spot-lighting me to be.
By choosing to spend every awakened moment in the light, the dark will neither harm or mis-direct me.
This is the day I’ve been chosen to live. I will throw my head back freely to look up in bask in its warm glow. . . I am thankful for it’s un-flickering guidance.
If I advance to it tomorrow it will only be because I have learned well enough the lessons needed to make the trip and accept this day‘s gift of tomorrow.
I will be blinded always, to the darkness and not from it. The light on my path is sufficient for this day and my time in it.
I will play, work, eat, drink and sleep this day—learning, relaxing, and preparing for all the lessons necessary for this day’s flicker alone.
When this day ends, I will not end with it. I will look on where the light will be kind enough to illuminate my way to richly granted tomorrow.
WILL IT WORK FOR YOU. . .
You’ll never know
UNTIL YOU KNOW
Give yourself a Light
that’ll incinerate
the dark places
having no more
s p a c e
in your life
N O W
CLICK:
TURN ON YOUR LIGHT
and then
S H A R E
I T
The Candle Maker
would like to gently remind you:
DEVOTING YOURSELF TO A CAUSE
DEVELOPES THE CRUSADE
. . .journey on
(e n l i g h t e n e d)
ILLUMINATED FRIDAY
It’s not really much a riddle
as it is an
A S S U R E D I T Y :
What’s the opposite of Black Friday?
ILLUMINATED FRIDAY!
by the bucket full
and sadly
here’s my humble
attempt at trying to
not so much illuminate
your Black Friday
but also to
bring a glow into
the-quickly-coming-New Year ahead. . .
I first self-published The Candle Maker in 2001 and my publisher thought it would be a great idea to come up with a hardback anniversary version of it for this upcoming year of 2021 EARLY for those who might want to give it for a Christmas gift. . .A little schmaltzy, huh, especially when the real reason I wanted to self-publish this “HELP-SELF” book was to not so much have as much command over the total process of publication/distribution (it wasn’t for the $$$ because I’ve spent more making it than selling it) but mostly so that I could literally GIVE IT AWAY!
I give out copies of this book for two of the professional presentations I do:
BURNT OUT IS BURNT OUT and WHAT’S THE USE(S). . .
So here’s the pitch from AMAZON itself which is offering the Hardback and the Paperback:
The Candle Maker Hardcover – March 1, 2001
by Chuck Behrens (Author)5.0 out of 5 stars 1 rating
This book quite possibly just might not be for you. Don’t be fooled by it’s length. If you’re looking for quick fixes, add water and presto actions, snap of the finger results and all with blink-of-the-eye fastness, this book just might not be for you. However, if you walk with this book three times a day, every day for the next twelve months, you’ll be able to run in the years following with renewed, purposeful steps and in ways this or no other book will ever be able to predict. So this just might prove that the best things in life are not instantaneous…at least not this.
This is not a ‘how-to’ or a ‘self-help’ book either. It’s more of a ‘help-self’ and a ‘want-to’ book. Unfortunately, purchasing this book won’t accomplish the task for which you have purchased it. No magical osmosis process here whereby you gain vast amounts of insight or wisdom merely by having the book or holding it a certain way for a certain amount of time at certain parts of the day. Apply yourself first to it and it will more than apply itself back to you.
And one last word: WARNING! This will cost you who you are for what you could become. . .not in a sprint, but rather, during the marathon this encourages you to perform. For the next 364 days live the capacity you are entitled and have been granted. Become like warmed wax that feeds the wick its eternal life source so that you may ultimately be molded–not hardened–but ever remained moldable again and again….
Once upon a time and for ever more learn, know that you can burn the candle at both ends and in the middle because you’ll know FINALLY where to get the wax and the wick and more, you’ll actually be inspired to go and do it.
The World
now more than in our lifetimes
seems more dark
more of a
BLACK FRIDAY
more of a whispy shadow
of what we’d like or
need it to be
without a completed sale
than ever before
and even back as I was writing this book
and self-publishing it
MY GOAL
then
and especially now
WAS TO NEVER TO BE A CANDLE SNUFFER
so much as a
FLAME SHARER
A LIGHT GIVER
with the powerful daily reminder of
Fully knowing that
the flicker I bring
only gets brighter with
the flicker you bring
and brighter still
when joined with
the flicker others bring
so purchased book or not
potential Christmas gift or not
JOIN ME
(Psssssssssssssssssssssssst:
Next Friday’s Blog Post will share the
FIRST CANDLE MAKER’S LESSON
to give you a head start for the New Year)
HUMBLY BEGINNING
Wait. . .
W H A T. . . ?
IS IT OVER?
Almost feels like we are a scared
Groundhog
who’s way too scared or shy
to stick his head out
of his hiding place
to see his shadow
or dare
to make
o n e. . .
but can it be a time
N O W
that we can
HUMBLY
come together
and be a
Country
again
or in a revolutionary
NEW WAY
Jill Suttie, a journalist who writes for GREATER GOOD MAGAZINE,
shares with us
How Humility Can Help Us Bridge Our Political Divides
With so much political division,
we may need to practice more modesty
and humility
to communicate and cooperate. . .
Many Americans worry about the political divide tearing our country apart. A large percentage are unwilling to engage with people who have opposing political views, and that’s creating more animosity.
This is especially worrying considering how many crises we’re facing—a pandemic, racial injustice, climate degradation—that require cooperation, trust, and solutions a diverse citizenry can get behind. How can we find a way across our divide and come together for common cause?
Jill and her colleagues at Greater Good, have been studying and writing about various ways to bridge divides, putting together tools to help people connect. But there may be one key character trait that’s necessary for applying those tools in a constructive way: humility.
“Humility is a kind of a master virtue that can pull along other virtues if people develop it,” says humility researcher Everett Worthington.
Humility, as Worthington defines it, is multifaceted, involving an awareness of our personal strengths and weaknesses, as well as a willingness to acknowledge those weaknesses while working to improve upon them. It requires presenting ourselves in modest ways, while caring about the well-being of those around us.
A growing body of research shows that being humble may be useful in bridging political differences. That’s because humility helps people let go of defensiveness, take in information that challenges their political views, and see the humanity in people on the other side of the political spectrum. Though it’s not always easy to embrace—especially for those who wrongfully equate it with weakness or a lack of conviction—humility may be what we desperately need right now in the United States.
Why we should all be more humble
Considering the research on perception, it’s pretty clear that, when it comes to understanding others, we all have weaknesses that could use improving.
Research suggests we are not always very good at understanding what another person is thinking or feeling, even when trying to “put ourselves in their shoes.” Often, we are better off simply asking people about their experience and being open to listening than trying to second-guess anyone.
Cognitive biases may be partly to blame. For example, the fundamental attribution error—attributing others’ actions to their fixed character traits rather than considering what outside forces contributed to their behavior—can make us misjudge others or believe they “get what they deserve.” This can explain why we label a colleague who falls behind at work “lazy” or “incompetent,” instead of realizing they may be managing difficult issues at home or have too many assignments—or why, when we see people fail to evacuate during a disaster, we call them “stubborn,” even though they didn’t have the means to escape to safer ground.
Our brains often trick us into seeing only what we already believe, too. For example, one study showed that people assigned to watch a demonstration reported different levels of protester violence depending on whether they agreed with the cause being protested. They literally could not see the same events in the same way.
Research has found that people often mistake how large differences are between people without noticing their commonalities. For example, people in different political parties tend to misjudge how far apart they are in terms of their beliefs and hopes for the country. This can create a lot of antipathy, which makes it hard to come together.
As a new book, Perception, explains, many unconscious factors affect how we feel, think, and make decisions, including our personal energy levels, physical abilities, moods, the company we keep, and more. That means we can’t always trust ourselves to see others (or even the world around us) clearly. Seeing our limitations is a good first step in recognizing the need for humility.
How humility helps bridge differences
It makes sense that knowing we don’t own the corner on truth could help us bridge our differences, lessening our intolerance for diverse opinions and antipathy toward people on the “other side.” And scientific evidence bears this out.
In a study conducted by Elizabeth Krumrei-Mancuso and Brian Newman, participants noted their political affiliation and filled out a questionnaire measuring their intellectual humility around sociopolitical situations (recognizing their limited knowledge around issues like immigration and gun control). Then, they reported how warmly they felt toward Republicans, Democrats, Christians, and Muslims. Those who had higher levels of humility reported feeling warmer toward those who were politically or religiously different from themselves, regardless of political affiliation or religion.
“People that have more humility treat people that disagree with them in better ways and have less animosity toward them,” says Newman.
Why would that be? Newman believes humble people are more likely to think an opponent could know something they don’t know or have experienced something they haven’t experienced. People with less humility, he adds, would consider people who disagree with them to be suspect, unintelligent, or morally deficient—not endearing qualities.
“How I see the infallibility of my own position (and, by implication, an opposing position) determines how willing I am to demonize people that are on the other side,” says Newman.
In a second part of their study, Newman and Krumrei-Mancuso had half of the participants fill out a questionnaire that measured their intellectual humility around the topic of immigration and crime (priming them to consider the limits of their knowledge). Then, all participants were asked how much they agreed with the statement, “In general, immigrants are more likely to commit crimes than those born in the U.S.”
Then, after getting factual information about the topic, half of the people in both the primed and unprimed groups were told they’d be writing an argument for or against the statement about immigrants and crime. The researchers told the other halves of both groups to defend their current position, so they could focus more on evidence that supported it.
Once participants read the information (which explained that, while there is some disagreement among experts, most evidence shows immigrants do not commit more crimes), participants again reported on how much they agreed with the statement. Those who were high in humility and primed to think about it were willing to reconsider the strength of their position when presented with the facts.
“People high in intellectual humility are going to pay more attention to the reasons for their views,” says Newman. “That means they are going to notice the limits of their knowledge and the limits of the evidence in favor of their position, and be more receptive to new information.”
These findings mirror those of Tenelle Porter and her colleagues, who also found a connection between having more intellectual humility and being open to opposing views. In that study, believing in a “growth mindset” around intelligence—that people aren’t naturally intelligent, but can grow in learning through trial and error—was what led to increased intellectual humility, suggesting that adapting a growth mindset could indirectly affect how accepting we are of other views.
According to psychologist Joshua Hook, humility can help bridge differences even when people have strong convictions around their beliefs. In one study, he and his colleagues measured intellectual humility in religious leaders and found that those with higher levels of humility had much more tolerance for religious differences in others than those without humility—regardless of how religious they were or whether they reported being politically conservative or liberal.
“If you have an awareness of the limitations of your own beliefs and how they came to you, maybe you are more in tune with the idea that you don’t have the corner on the truth,” says Hook.
Even though you might expect that religious leaders surrounded by family and friends of varying faiths would be more tolerant of diverse religions, Hook’s findings didn’t support that. Instead, having more religious diversity in one’s social group only led to more tolerance if someone was also high in intellectual humility.
“It depends on whether or not someone is open for their interactions with people who are different from them that leads to religious tolerance or not,” he says.
How to cultivate humility in ourselves
If that’s true, maybe we need to find ways to increase humility in ourselves and in others. Though the research on how to induce humble states in ourselves is young, there is some evidence that it can be done.
Worthington and his team have developed a do-it-yourself workbook to teach humility that has shown promise. Through various exercises offered in the workbook, people can learn more about what humility is and isn’t, use self-reflections and inspirational stories to examine humility in themselves, and engage in practicing humility in their own lives, among other lessons.
The workbook has been tested in randomized controlled trials, along with other workbooks designed to teach forgiveness, patience, or self-control, or to improve mood. In one study, people who completed the humility workbook were found not only to be humbler according to their own report, but also scored higher in forgiveness and patience—and they had fewer negative moods.
Unfortunately, Worthington had to suspend a large-scale study of humility and civility when COVID hit. However, he’s hopeful that teaching humility could improve political dialogue, as other research has shown that it improves interpersonal interactions in other situations.
Of course, political conversations may be harder to keep civil than other conversations, where there may be more goodwill present. Still, at least one recent study showed that when people are seen as having more intellectual humility, they may help foster better conversations with people who disagree with them on politically charged subjects like the death penalty, affirmative action, physician-assisted suicide, and genetically modified food.
Worthington says there are good reasons to expect more politically humble people to have civil conversations and so bridge divides—even if they are the only ones being humble in a conversation or even if they have very firm convictions. That’s because humbler people don’t need to denigrate others’ arguments or denigrate them as people, which helps reduce defensiveness and opens up the possibility of better engagement with one another.
“Anybody who’s doing their best to be respectful is going to end up having a more positive interaction than someone calling each other names or being verbally aggressive,” he says. “The more politically humble people are able, the more able they are to have civil conversations about political differences, even if they disagree.”
THIS
could make for a
HUMILITY TSUNAMI
that could literally forever change
the geographical landscape
desperately needed
changing
for a
HUMBLING BEGINNING
JOIN ME
The water
(of a new beginning)
is fine. . .
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