JUST FOR THE RECORD
Dale A. Lombardi
When I’ve reached that certain age
and you wonder about my mental fitness . . .
Don’t ask me
who's President
or what year it is
or even what month
Ask me
what finches are drawn
to the thistle feeder
or what color the fire
when the hardenbergia blooms
in March
or how Willie-dog
spent his final hours
lying in the cool morning grass,
face tipped toward heaven
to receive the last of this earth’s sunshine
as a final blessing
Don’t ask me
to count backwards
by sevens
or to draw you a clock
or to tell you the time
Ask me
to tell you
when time stood still
or if I want more time
or how time passed so quickly
Don’t ask me
to take a deep breath
or to breathe normally
Ask me
what took my breath away
or when I knew beauty
so clear and pure and true
I couldn’t catch my breath
Don’t ask
to listen to my heart
Put your stethoscope away
and listen to what set my heart
on fire, what frayed
its very edges, or when pride and awe and love
nearly broke my heart
open
Ask me
What really matters
Was it all worthwhile
Who I’ve loved
and how
Ask
What binds us to all eternity
What’s at the very center
when all else is peeled away,
What will last—really last—
not anger or grief,
but music and art and poetry
and trees
Ask me
if I have hope,
not for myself
but for the world
And if I don’t answer . . .
Set down your hurry
Bring me a slice of calm
with some tea
Then pull your chair close,
take the pale wither
of my hand in yours,
and just sit, sit
with me
awhile
(text as posted at this link)
Maybe it’s not so much for what we reach for as what stretches out for us; sometimes that’s a hand, sometimes it’s an idea, a thought, a story, a poem, but it’s undeniable when it makes contact and causes not even ever so slightly to move us ever so powerfully.
Recently, the adage “Money can’t buy happiness” was given a leg to stand on by a study suggesting a raise won’t have a real impact on your state of mind. But a different study claims that in regard to your income, there is totally a financial sweet spot for optimal satisfaction.
The expansive study, published in the journal, Nature Human Behaviour, used a Gallup World Poll to evaluate the income and happiness of 1.7 million people around the world. The authors of the research found monetary averages associated with satisfaction: For daily emotional well-being, people were generally best off earning $60,000 to $75,000 a year, but for long-term satisfaction, the mark was $95,000.
In North America (and most “wealthy” countries), for daily emotional well-being, the sweet spot is an annual income of $65,000 to $95,000, and for long-term satisfaction that number is $105,000.
Those numbers are the worldwide average, however; the averages vary from country to country, and in North America (and most “wealthy” countries) they are higher. For daily emotional well-being, the sweet spot here is $65,000 to $95,000, and for long-term satisfaction that number is $105,000. The area with the lowest income marker for long-term satisfaction is Latin America, at $35,000, and Australia and New Zealand report the highest, at $125,000.
People were likely to see decreased happiness if they achieved more than the optimal income for long-term satisfaction, partially due to a phenomenon Money described as the “hedonic treadmill,” in which people adjust to increases in income.
But happiness does peak at a certain point, according to the researchers. If people achieved more than the optimal income for long-term satisfaction, they were likely to see decreased happiness, partially due to a phenomenon Money described as the “hedonic treadmill.” This describes when people very quickly adjust to increases in income.
Still, the study has its shortcomings: Gauging and measuring happiness is a subjective practice that often relies on self-reporting. Additionally, the study examined individual income instead of household income, which might have skewed conclusions about how much money someone needs in order to be happy. Not to mention that the concept of happiness itself is contentious, and many nations don’t place as much weight on it as Americans do.
It’s kind of amazing isn’t it. . .
It’s Valentine’s Day week,
Which means it’s a great day for people who really love each other
but not so great day for people that are grieving
or folks who have lost
or others who are alone. . .
Wonder if it
WASN’T
about that kind of love
Wonder if Valentine’s Day
was actually a gift that you give to somebody,
that includes Everybody
no matter
race
creed
religion
sex
no matter alone
no matter grieving
no matter sad or happy
What if it was a day that you just loved just to love
and maybe even better
Wonder if it was just a day to love
the way a person deserves to be loved
now that would be quite a day
we’re celebrating, right
and guess what
. . .not just on February 14
How about let’s make it that kind of a day
not only on Wednesday
but each day
how about
T O D A Y
before the 14th of February (or the 14th of any other month) S E E. . .
When Valentine’s Day is more than just a day
it has the greatest opportunity to become a l i f e s t y l e
shed new light on an old dimness we all need to look at a little differently to be a little
differently. . .
Nolan Pelletier
Are you feeling it already, some 10 days into a new year? January has, unfortunately, become the time of year when a lot of people feel a strong urge to punish themselves. Sure, they may do it under the guise of “health,”or perhaps they will dress it up as a “lifestyle change,” but it’s often rooted in something negative: The idea that they are not enough.
As a bunch of journalists who are constantly thinking about what it means to be truly “well,” we wanted to offer you something different and more positive for 2024: A set of gentle guidelines—rooted in science, empathy, and the SELF staff’s collective body of work—that will hopefully help you feel a little better this year. The reality is, “good health”might be hard to come by right now, especially because so many of the barriers are systemic—but even if that weren’t the case, we still wouldn’t want to give you a ton of rigid rules that feel oppressive or impossible to achieve.
The vast majority of our advice for 2024 is actually about doing less: eating less bland diet food, making workouts less intense, spending less time with people who make you feel crappy, experiencing less guilt about not being “productive”—because we know that it’s simply not possible to shame your way to a life of abundance. Removing the things that aren’t serving you ultimately makes space for more: More rest, more time spent on the folks and activities that energize you, more self-confidence, more joy. That last one might seem hard to come by, especially after another hard year, during which a lot of incredibly dark things happened…. But it’s all the more reason to take very intentional steps to feel good. You might not feel your best. You might not even feel great. But you can, maybe, feel a little bit better. And for 2024 that might be enough.
Feeling better physically
Book all of your annual appointments by the end of January
They’re a lot harder to cancel once your calendar is stacked! Pick a day this month, make yourself a tasty snack or drink, and take an hour or two to schedule the appointments you know you’ll want to put off in the months ahead—your annual physical, ob-gyn visit, dental cleanings, vision exam, skin check, and any regular testing you need to get done. If you’ve been meaning to start therapy, now’s the time to explore your options. And you might as well get your next haircut on the books too. —Alisa Hrustic
Use technology to track your symptoms (even if you don’t know what they are symptoms of just yet)
Frequent headaches? Ongoing nausea? These are all problems that should be discussed with your doctor, and frequency is going to come up—because there’s a difference between a symptom that’s occurring several times a week and one that’s happening every two months. Instead of guessing, try tracking recurring issues on your phone—Apple Health has a symptoms feature, and something as simple as your notes app works too. Having this kind of data will make it easier for your doc to see patterns and diagnose a potentially serious illness or offer treatment for a common annoyance. —Westry Green
While you’re at it, figure out a reliable way to track your meds
When you take medication daily (or are juggling multiple prescriptions), it’s easy for the doses to blur together—and then you’ll have to decide whether you’d rather potentially skip a pill entirely or risk accidentally doubling up. The good news is that there are tons of great options when it comes to trackers, including physical ones you can attach to the bottle, daily pill organizers, and apps (like Bearable). Pick whichever one feels right to you, commit to it, and never doubt yourself again. —Rachel Wilkerson Miller
Download the digital copies of your health insurance cards
And then email them to yourself or put them in a specific photo folder on your phone that you’ll actually remember. Bonus points if you do the same with your contacts prescription, so you can easily order new lenses without having to tear your entire home apart. —Christa Sgobba
Take notes during doctor’s appointments
Use them to form the basis of your personal health file, which is a true game changer, especially if you’re living with a chronic condition. —RWM
Try to blast your eyes with light first thing in the morning—and shroud yourself in darkness at night.
I’ve written and edited a bunch of stories on sleep, and two of the biggest takeaways from the research are that bright light in the morning (ideally from sunlight) cues your body to wake up and stay alert, and darkness triggers the release of melatonin, which makes you sleepy. If you mess with those cues by keeping your blackout shades closed tightly in the morning or stalking your ex on Instagram right before bed, you throw off your internal clock and, therefore, your sleep. In other words, the darker your nights, the brighter your mornings. —Cathryne Keller
Ditch the heavy tote bag
If you’re regularly schlepping a laptop, gargantuan water bottle, and/or any number of other heavy things in a flimsy shoulder bag that puts all that weight on one side of your body, know that it doesn’t have to be this way! Your shoulders, neck, and back will thank you if you pack less, choose smaller bags and distribute the weight between both sides of your body. Or, ideally, just get a backpack. Everyday aches and pains don’t always seem super pressing, but lightening your load is an easy way to routinely take care of yourself. —Amy Rose Spiegel
Prepare your emergency sickness stash now, when you’re feeling good
This includes things like aspirin, Tylenol, tissues, honey, tea bags, cough drops, a thermometer, etc. Because once you do start feeling that congestion or fatigue, you definitely won’t have the energy to get up out of bed and grab all of these essentials. Future you will be so grateful. —Jenna Ryu
And set a calendar reminder now for your fall vaccines
Don’t wait until nasty bug season is already underway; plan to get your annual flu shot and updated COVID-19 vaccines the first week of October. —RWM
Reward good behavior
Why leave the lollipop-after-a-shot mentality behind when you reach adulthood? Looking after your physical well-being isn’t self-indulgence. Make a habit of treating yourself to something small and delightful (your favorite pastry, a trip to the bookstore, a self-care night, etc.) every time you check a box. It might even help you look forward to your next follow-up. —Grace McCarty
Just go to bed
I’m sorry to report that going to bed earlier—as long as you’re tired enough to fall asleep quickly—works, and it works well. You’ll feel better the next day, and you really won’t be missing much by clocking out an extra half hour or 45 minutes earlier than you normally would. I understand the impulse behind revenge bedtime procrastination, but the liberation you’ll feel from saying, “Screw it all, I’m just going to sleep”—and the benefits you’ll reap each time you do it—make it very worthwhile. —Hannah Pasternak
Feeling better mentally
Think of boundaries as being something foryouversus rules you impose on others.
Lately, folks on social media have been conflating having boundaries with being controlling. In actuality, boundaries are something you enforce on yourself, not on those around you. For example, if the way your friends act when they get sloppy drunk at a bar makes you feel uncomfortable, you can decide that you’ll simply leave when that happens. You’re not saying they can’t drink (that would be controlling); you’re just deciding how you’ll react if they do. Not only will having a plan in place ease your anxiety in social situations, but it’ll also set a healthy standard of communication for your relationships. —Jessica Kasparian
Take a shower
When you’re having a tough mental health day, week, month, whatever, getting yourself to prepare a meal, make your bed, answer texts, or work out can feel beyond difficult. You can let go of a lot of those tasks (this is what takeout is for!) but one thing that’s pretty much always good for your body and mind is to take a shower. Just get in! Even for two minutes. You don’t need to shampoo, shave, or scrub—just stand (or sit) there for as long as you can, do as much as you can or feel like doing, and get out. Why? Because you will actually feel better—even if only a little bit. You might still be depressed, but at least you’re clean. —HP
Find small ways to connect with nature regularly
You don’t need to be an avid hiker to reap the benefits of getting outside (although hiking is a perfectly wonderful way to do that if you’re into it). Going for strolls in your neighborhood park (without your headphones!); picking up an outdoorsy hobby like birding, foraging, or gardening; or even bringing the outside into your home with lots of houseplants are all great ways to spark awe, be more mindful, and restore your spirit. If that feels too daunting, consider making it even easier for yourself: Watch the sun rise or set, gaze at some stars, go leaf-peeping in the fall, float down a river in the summer, collect shells on the beach…. All these things count! —AH
Give yourself permission to be a lazy meditator
Sure, a nice long meditation session can do wonders for your stress levels, but chances are you don’t have an extra 20 minutes (or longer!) every day to sit in silence. (Also, 20 minutes is way too much if you’re new to this!) Instead of waiting until you have an extended period of peace and quiet, start practicing what you might call half-assed mindfulness: Meditate for one to five minutes each day. Even taking just a few minutes to center yourself can make you feel less anxious. —WG
Know that a boring therapy session doesn’t mean it’s not “working.”
Nor does it mean that you just wasted 45 minutes. You might have simply had a particularly good week or just weren’t in the mood to talk. Every session, dull or not, builds the connection between you and your therapist and teaches them more about you (and teaches you about yourself)—and they should get to see you on your good days too! —Ayana Underwood
Remind yourself that everything is temporary
It’s been said many times in many ways, but it’s just true: Everything—every feeling, experience, moment—is temporary. This mindset can change your life in two ways. The obvious one is that it provides a sense of comfort when you feel incredibly anxious or otherwise awful; it doesn’t instantly take the feeling away, but remembering that you’ve felt this way (and gotten through it) before really takes the edge off. The less obvious way is that it also helps you appreciate the good things: When you’re belly laughing with someone you love, reading a book on a cozy Sunday, or having a blast on vacation, mentally noting that you’ll never live these exact moments again helps you savor them. —CK
Ruthlessly get rid of clothes that make you feel like icky
If you’ve ever put on a pair of shorts after a long winter and questioned your entire existence, we get it. But remember: It’s not your body—it’s the clothes! It can be extremely hard to part with items you once loved, but it’s normal for your body to change, and things that don’t fit you right now don’t serve you anymore. So for the sake of your mental health, be brutally honest: If you haven’t worn something in a year, it’s too big or too small, you don’t like the color or shape, or it simply doesn’t feel like you, donate it. You’ll open up space in your wardrobe to slowly curate clothes that help you show up as your best self—and you’ll eventually always have something to wear that makes you feel good. —AH
While you’re at it, divest from the idea that being fat is a problem that needs to be solved
Being fat isn’t actually a death sentence. And more importantly, everyone deserves to be treated with dignity, regardless of their weight. The sooner you really internalize this idea, the sooner we’ll all be free of the body policing and shame-driven rituals that slowly sap our joy and make us less healthy, mentally and physically. (P.S. We’ve got tons of great reading on this topic to help you get started.) —RWM
Make a point to be politically active this year and not just on November 5
One of the best ways to combat the anxiety and existential dread that is now par for the course during US presidential elections is to get involved at the state and local level. That’s where so many important decisions that affect our everyday lives—and health!—are made, and it’s an area where individuals can have real, meaningful impact. So identify a cause or candidate you care about, find a local group that is organizing around it, and make a plan to work with them all year. You’ll feel so much better come November, I promise. —RWM
Treat your hobbies like they actually matter—because they do
When you’re pressed for time (so always), hobbies tend to be the first activity on the chopping block. Since they usually aren’t tied to your job, social life, or day-to-day survival, they can feel frivolous. But if you really love a hobby—and especially if it impacts your mental health positively—you should consider it a priority. That might mean saying no to the things you’re not terribly excited about, but it’s worth it if it ensures you have time for crocheting, baking, or another little hobby that feels essential to your joy. Think of it as happy homework. —GM
Nolan Pelletier
Moving your body in a way that feels nice
Separate yourself from the aesthetic or even health benefits of exercise to figure out what youactuallyenjoy doing
Spend a few weeks letting go of all of the perceived advantages of exercise so you can go deep into the discovery process: What kind of physical activity gets you excited, motivated, and joyful? Don’t know? Sign up for a trove of things with pals or on your own—boot camp, adult kickball, spin class, sword-fighting, juggling. (I actually did those last two!) Everything counts, and you’ll likely pick something up. Classes/meet-up groups are a great way to find new friends too! —Julia Sullivan
Find a workout that makes exercising feel like a treat
On a lockdown-era episode of the SELF podcast Checking In, pole dancing fitness instructor and trainer Roz “The Diva” Mays said that a workout should be like an ice cream sundae: “When’s the last time you said somebody had to force themselves onto an ice cream sundae? No. People usually like ice cream sundaes because they’re tasty and fun.”It’s a lot easier to find the motivation to move when you’re doing something you genuinely enjoy. —Sarah Yalowitz
Find your space
Environment means a lot for your fitness routine—if you don’t feel comfortable, you’re not going to want to do it. So consider what you’re looking for in a fitness space: If you want to work out in a gym, do you feel more motivated by a social, class-based culture, or does a row of empty racks make you feel at home? Take advantage of free trials at gyms so you can try a bunch out and see what vibe works for you. And it’s totally fine if your space isn’t a public one. Claiming a corner in your living room or going for a run in your neighborhood can be just what you’re looking for. —CS
Set yourself up for success with realistic goals
If you’ve never gone to the gym or a workout class before, it’s probably unrealistic to start going four times a week. Instead, make a goal to exercise once or twice a week; once you get in the habit of going you can add more if you want to. And don’t beat yourself up if you need to do less during hectic or difficult times in your life! Just reset your goal to meet yourself where you currently are. —JK
Know that you actually don’t have to work out super hard to reap the health benefits
If you come from the “I have to do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio—ideally running or something similar—five times a week”school of thought, it’s time to familiarize yourself with what experts actually recommend. According to the CDC, most adults need 150 minutes of “moderate intensity” physical activity per week, along with two days of strength training. But “moderate intensity” can be defined as a “brisk walk”—which is something a lot of folks incorrectly brush off as not a true workout. And it gets even better: Per the CDC, if you are into “vigorous intensity”exercise (for example, jogging or attending a group cycling class), you only need to do that for 1 hour and 15 minutes total per week. Put another way: You truly do not need to jump on your Peloton and try to set a personal record every single day to be healthy. —RWM
Liftaweight
Again, old-school ideas about what “counts” as exercise, coupled with the tacit idea that the main goal of exercise is weight control, have led a lot of people—particularly women—to prioritize cardio and avoid strength training entirely. But lifting weights is really, really good for you; it can increase your bone density, lower your blood pressure, make it easier to do the things you love, and help you avoid injuries. If health is truly your goal, make it part of your regular rotation. —RWM
If your goal is to get stronger, don’t turn your lifting into cardio
Make sure to take ample rest between your sets, so you can challenge your muscles to move weight that feels challenging to you. That means one minute at the very least—and up to two, three, or even five—between sets if you’re really looking to maximize your strength gains. It might feel like you’re “wasting”time, but believe me, this is just as vital a part of the process as the actual lifting. —CS
Don’t be afraid to deviate from your exercise plans
It’s easy to be rigid about your schedule in the name of “health.”A much kinder strategy? Asking yourself before every workout: Do I really want to do this or would I rather do something else?You might still end up going with the original plan because it sounds fine and you don’t want to overthink it, but occasionally it’ll be very clear that your body wants to pivot (or cancel). And whenever you listen to your body, you’ll feel better—physically, yes, but also mentally, because it’ll remind you that you’re in charge of the experience. Exercise is a choice, not a mandatory punishment. —CK
Use exercise as an “out”
Need a little breathing room on a weeklong visit to your sister’s house? You’ll be right back—you’re going to go for a run! Ah, sorry, you actually can’t make that after-work drinks with Ben from finance—you’ve got Pilates this evening and can’t cancel. You’d love to stay and chat, but you have to go get some weight training in before the gym gets crowded! This is my relationship to exercise, and I am pleased to report it’s made moving around feel less like a chore and more like a secret escape hatch that I very much enjoy hopping into, especially because I’m so rabidly social. You don’t have to actually look forward to it every time, but it’s likely going to be much more rewarding than doing something you sincerely and truly did not want to do. —ARS
Stretch a lot more than you think you need to
As you get older, staying flexible reduces your risk of injuries, makes everyday tasks easier, minimizes aches and pains, and generally relaxes your body and mind. Right after you get out of bed (or even while you’re in bed), take a few minutes to stretch your neck, back, or legs. Set a reminder to regularly unhunch your shoulders throughout the day. Take a brisk walk and stretch your hips out during lunch. Embrace the forward fold after a long day. Release some tension before bed. These little bursts of movement take minimal effort and will help you feel so much better. —AH
Feel better in your relationships
If a friendship seems off, deal with it directly
If you’re noticing that a friend is pulling away from you or you’re coming away from group hangouts with a sour taste in your mouth, just…talk to your friend about it. You never know what might be going on—maybe the friend who has been absent lately is dealing with relationship issues and could use some support, or your besties are tip-toeing around you because of something unkind that your partner said at a recent group hangout. If you go into the conversation with the courage to be honest and a genuine willingness to hear their perspective, you might be surprised by how possible it is to reset and ultimately feel closer. —JK
Stop making excuses for the friend who consistently makes you feel terrible
You’re a grown-up adult, and that means you don’t have to be close with anyone just because you have a history with them or they were sorta nice to you at one point in your life. Yes, it’s worth talking to them about it, but if it’s not getting better, it’s okay to move on. Friend breakups are a thing. End of story. —JS
If you deal with social anxiety—but also get FOMO—commit to staying at the function for just one hour
It’s perfectly fine to tell your friend, host, or whoever in advance that you can only hang for a bit. That way, you’re making the effort to show up for your loved ones without sabotaging your mental health or forcing yourself to do something you don’t want to. And you may end up having more fun than you expected and decide to stick around even longer. —JR
Text that friend or family member as soon as you think of them
You’re not alone if you regularly think, I wonder how [insert favorite person]is doing, maybe I should text them, and then you…don’t. Perhaps you get distracted, or you feel like you need to wait until you have the “right” thing to say, or you tell yourself that you’ll do it later (but later never comes). This year, commit to getting out of your own head and sending the text—or the voice memo, or the invitation to hang out—right away. No matter what happens next, you’ll feel better that you sent it, they’ll appreciate receiving it, and this simple action will make you both feel more connected in our very lonely world. —CK
Make walking dates with friends
Dinner or drinks is always a pleasant way to spend time with friends, but loud, crowded bars and restaurants aren’t the easiest places to catch up. Instead, consider an anything-goes twist on a hot-girl walk. It doesn’t have to be fast and it doesn’t have to be far. Walking side-by-side (versus sitting face-to-face) can make it easier to be vulnerable, which ultimately lends itself to the deep, meaningful conversations that make friendships stronger. —WG
Embrace the informal
Whether you’ve moved away or just have a packed schedule, visiting your friends in adulthood often becomes an “event”—you come together for celebrations and other big-moment stuff. That’s all great, but there’s something to be said about just being together. If you can, pick a time to meet up when there’s nothing big on the agenda. Cook, take a walk together, watch TV together, or just lounge around. There’s a comfort in doing this that’ll take you back to hanging with your friends after school, and letting them come by when you have dishes in the sink or you’re wearing sweats (and not the cute ones) helps build true closeness. —CS
Figure out an anger management strategy before you lose your temper
Death and taxes are the only things in life that are supposedly certain, but getting irritated with your fellow human beings is likely third. If you regularly deal with the kind of traffic that makes you feel enraged, try to visualize other drivers as people you know who could use a bit of latitude—maybe an older relative or a slightly clueless nephew. The same holds true for customer service reps when calls aren’t going your way. It might not work every time, but it can help tamp down on overblown reactions you will later regret. —Theresa Tamkins
Stop hurting your own feelings
Don’t go looking at your ex’s insta, ruminate for hours on the coworker you can’t stand, or otherwise seek out information that you know is going to piss you off. You’ll end up feeling self-righteous at best, but that isn’t the same as feeling good. Please, we’re begging you, do literally anything else with your time. —RWM
Just break up already
If you’re already single, nice work, and if you’re with someone you love or otherwise feel great about, same deal. But if you’ve been hemming and hawing for quite some time about whether your relationship is really right:Rip it up and start again. Summon the self-respect (and respect for the other person!) to pursue a life that suits you better, and that you like more than just halfway. You’ll feel so capable and relieved. Get gone. Be free. —ARS
Just…feel a little better, every single day
Nail down a few meals you’ll never get sick of
Figuring out what to eat…for every meal…every day…for the rest of your life? It’s a daunting task, but you don’t need to reinvent the wheel. You’ll need to experiment a little to find breakfasts, lunches, dinners, and snacks you truly love to eat over and over again—but once you do, add them to your weekly rotation and don’t look back. Think about recipes that have easy-to-switch ingredients so it doesn’t get too boring: soups, curries, stir-fries, sandwiches, flatbreads, you get the idea! You’ll streamline your grocery list so you always know what kind of basics to have on hand and significantly decrease your mental load when Wednesday night rolls around and you, once again, just want to eat something you like, clean up, and go to bed. —AH
Eat what youreallywant
If you’ve ever been in the throes of disordered eating or tried desperately to stick to a diet (so everyone?), you’ve probably spent way too much time obsessing about what you should eat and trying to fill your stomach with a bunch of “healthy” foods, which only left you physically full but still craving whatever you really wanted. There’s a better, healthier way! Before you have a snack or meal, ask yourself: What would be the most satisfying choice right now? Not just what would taste the best, but what would feelthe best overall. Sometimes it might be a burger or a cookie, other times a roasted veggie bowl or a smoothie may call your name. Regardless, the more you listen to what your body’s telling you, the better—and less stressed about food—you’ll feel. —CK
Schedule moments of rest
If you struggle to slow down and take real breaks, make it part of your regular routine—and treat it like an important meeting you’d never cancel. This could look like 20 minutes each day when you leave your desk and go for a walk, sit in your car and read, or call your mom; it could also take the form of hours-long blocks every other weekend where you don’t make any plans and just do nothing. It takes practice, but just as you hold yourself accountable for your work, it’s important to keep that same energy with your rest. —Ashia Aubourg
When you do get time to chill, avoid decision paralysis
It’s so easy to waste half of your relaxing evening because you’re scrolling, trying to decide what to watch or listen to. If that sounds familiar, try giving yourself a set amount of time (say, 10 minutes) from the get-go to weigh your options before you make a decision. Then stick to it. If you decide, say, 20 minutes in, that you’re really not feeling it, you can quit and try another one—but committing to something quickly will help ensure you spend more time unwinding than thinking about how to do it best. —CS
Spend more time with your inner child/teen self
There’s something uniquely fulfilling (and, at times, healing) about seeking out the things that you loved growing up and allowing yourself to enjoy them all over again (even if they’re a little cringey). That might look like revisiting your favorite TV shows and albums from when you were in high school, or picking up the crafty hobby you haven’t done in a decade. You might learn something about how you’ve changed since that time in your life, but you could also come away feeling newly in tune with your younger self. —Sara Coughlin
Do something in between shutting your phone off and
shutting your eyes at night
In other words, try not to let your nightly scroll be the last thing you see or think about. Instead, read a couple pages of a book, shift into a quick meditation, or move through some gentle stretches. It’ll calm your mind, prepare you for better rest, and remind you that you and your beloved device are actually separate entities…. You do not have to power down the same second that it does. —GM
Get a pair of comfortable house shoes for cooking and chores
Stop doing them barefoot, in socks, or in slippers with zero arch support; your definitely-closer-to-late-thirties-than-early-thirties knees will thank you. And while you’re at it, stop wearing uncomfortable shoes while you’re out in the world. Life’s too short to feel like shit for the sake of fashion. —RWM
Ask for help when you need it
Sometimes, all we need to check something off our to-do list is a little support. —JK
W H E W
that’s a whole lot of bullet points
for a little gun
that’s not always a straight shooter
when we need to know it
point-blank. . .
but just remember
Now go out and live your best life’s New Year’s Evolution day by day and each sacred moment by sanctified moment
What a great song WHAT A BETTER CONCEPT: WE ARE ALL ADOPTED
in one way or another
traveling through this world as
one big family
each of us a member
trying to not only find our way
but be included in A WAY
that’s far bigger than any ONE OF US
but includes each and every one of us. . . What are you doing right now
purposely
intently
intimately
to include Others
. . .to show them
. . .to make Another
feel like they belong and that they are going to L O V E I T H E R E
reminds us:“The stories we tell ourselves shape our reality. We may try to box ourselves in, but we’re much more expansive and multifaceted than we think. Maybe if we tried to count our sides, they’d approach infinity—like a circle.”
“Perhaps perfect shapes aren’t the best metaphor for the self. Wouldn’t you rather be beach glass, glimmering in the sun? Or an oddly flat stone, perfect for skipping? Inside we all feel lumpy and irregular. A bit misshapen. And we’re never quite as stable as we pretend to be.”
“May you find your own way to shape your story. To show off your sharp corners and imperfections. To arrange your life in a unique composition. To create a geometric masterpiece.”
W E L L. . . ARE YOU A RESOLVER?
Another way to ask that question is:
ARE YOU A RESOLVING RESOLVER
or do you even try
or do you even care. . .
IN EVERY CASE
(and a few in between)
Here are
9 Mental-Health Resolutions for 2024, According to Therapists
helps us sort through the in’s and out’s of to RESOLVE or DISOLVE
Whether you feel reborn—or even just a little bit reset—at the start of a new year, consider making your mental health a priority in 2024. Why? “Because that’s the gateway to everything else,” says Guy Winch, a clinical psychologist, author of Emotional First Aid, and co-host of the Dear Therapistspodcast. “It’s the linchpin that allows you to succeed or to fail.”
With that in mind, we asked Winch and other experts to share the New Year’s resolutions they wish people would make in the name of mental health.
1. Rethink your social-media use
Spend some time reflecting on whether you’d like to continue with the same online habits in 2024, says Nedra Glover Tawwab, a therapist and author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. (If it’s hard to stop scrolling long enough to have an earnest conversation with yourself, take it as a sign that you need a change.) “Do you want to set some boundaries for yourself? Are there people you need to unfollow?” asks Tawwab. For example, you might limit yourself to 15 minutes on social media per day—or delete the most time-sucking apps from your phone during the work week. You could also challenge yourself not to check social media when you’re feeling glum, which is like throwing fuel on an already simmering fire. “The top of the year is a great time to consider how you want to do the rest of the year,”Tawwab says.
2. Reconnect with a long lost friend
That old adage—”Make new friends, but keep the old”—is one to live by, especially considering that loneliness affects physical and mental health, while strong social bonds are a salve. In 2024, Winch suggests resolving to reach out to “one person you lost touch with who used to be dear to you.”If you’re not sure how to open the conversation, he recommends sending a text message like this: “I was thinking about you. It’s been so long. How are you?” End the note with a smiley face, he adds. “That’s important because when you say, ‘It’s been so long,’ it can sound accusatory.”A smiley face, Winch says, can ensure the real meaning— “I miss you”—comes across.
Americans have an empathy deficit, says Calvin Fitch, a clinical health psychologist with Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School. He believes fostering empathy is the antidote to the divisiveness ripping society apart. “The fortunate thing about empathy is that it can be trained,” he says. “It can grow.”
3. Develop empathy for someone different from you
In 2024, connect with someone from a group you have a moderate level of difficulty understanding, Fitch suggests. You could follow someone from a different political, religious, or ethnic background on social media, spend time in their community, or even read about a fictional character from that group. “Aim to understand their perspective and read their emotions,”he says. “Try to be able to thoughtfully answer these questions: What makes this person happy? What makes them worried? What are their dreams? What experiences and emotions have shaped their world view? And how are their thought patterns similar to mine?”As Fitch points out, people with high levels of empathy tend to function better in society than those with low levels—with more robust social networks and closer relationships.
4. Stop ruminating about work
This can be the year you stop spending evenings replaying upsetting thoughts about the workday, or engaging in fantasy duels with your rude boss. The simplest way to counteract these unproductive thoughts—which might trigger a visceral stress response, like chest tightness—is to convert whatever you’re ruminating about into a problem-solving question, Winch says. Say you’re spiraling over how much work you have to do and how you’ll never get it done. “That’s the ruminative thought,”Winch says. “The problem-solving version is a scheduling question. When do I have time to deal with the thing that’s bothering me? What can I move or reprioritize? Do I need to look at my schedule to reassure myself I do have time?” Figuring that out, he says, allows you to “ease the stress and distress and continue on with your evening.”
5. Slate four activities each week
One way to buffer ourselves against life’s stressors is to engage in a wide variety of activities, Fitch advises. First, seek out something that’s pleasurable, like going to a football game or belting out your favorite Taylor Swift album. This sort of fun activity “decreases your reactivity to stress by helping you accumulate more positive events than negative ones,”he says. Then check off a “mastery activity,”like cleaning your house or running errands you’ve been delaying. You might not want to do them, but you’ll almost certainly feel better once they’re done. Also key are being social—a sense of belonging facilitates better health—and doing physical activities that get your heart rate going.
6. Do one small thing to alleviate climate anxiety
If you’re distressed about the state of the planet—and more of us are—festering in your thoughts will likely exacerbate the situation. Instead, take a cue from Winch’s family: Each year, they pledge to do one thing to ease their climate anxiety, like eliminating plastic bags, composting food scraps, or walking 15 minutes to nearby destinations in lieu of driving. “It’s overwhelming—I feel like I can’t get my arms around it,” he says. “But doing one small thing is a way of feeling like you’re upping your game.”
7. Write a thank you letter
Being grateful is linked with an array of benefits, including improved mental health—but that hinges on practicing it in a way that feels natural to you. Once a year or so, Winch likes to write a thank you letter to someone who did a small thing that they might not have realized had a big impact on him. “I tell them the context, and I tell them why I’m reminding them of something they have no recollection of,”he says. Once, he reached out to someone he had shared a summer house rental with years prior. The two are now close friends, but at the time, they didn’t know each other—yet the then-stranger had picked up a set of toiletries for him, since there weren’t any there. “It was so lovely and considerate and warm,”he says, and helped him feel immediately at ease. Now, thanks to Winch’s letter, his friend knows exactly how he feels—a boon for both of them.
8. Write ‘you time’ into your schedule every day
It could be just 10 minutes twice a day. The key is embracing designated time that’s all about you—and making it a standing meeting on your calendar. That way, “it’s seen as just as productive as any other business appointment you have,” says Kelsey Latimer, a clinical psychologist based in Florida. You might go on a quick walk outside, do some stretches, or close your eyes and embark on a guided meditation, she suggests. Silence your phone and close your office door (or Slack app) to let the people around you know you’re briefly unavailable. You’ll be much happier, and feel more energized, the rest of the day.
9. Check in with a professional
You could set all the mental-health resolutions in the world and still benefit from talking with a therapist or other licensed professional—someone who’s trained to help you optimize your well-being. If you’ve been to therapy in the past, the start of the year is a terrific time to schedule a catch-up session, Tawwab says; if it’s a new idea, check a directory like those run by Psychology Today or Good Therapy to find someone who’s available and affordable near you. “Do a mental health check-in just to make sure those bigger things are addressed, and to get their opinion on things that are coming up,”she notes. A therapist will be able to arm you with the tools you need to thrive in 2024—and beyond. DO-ABLE. . .
Maybe the real question, the truest question is IS IT WANT-ABLE. . . M E. . . I just want to WAKE UP STUPID EVERYDAY; TO TRULY WAKE UP EVERY MORNING AND KNOW THAT I DON’T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS AND I NEED TO LOOK AT EVERY MAJOR CHALLENGE THROUGH FRESH EYES. . .
North Royalton Christian Church is a parish I have served since January of 1995 and it has never had any more than 60 members since I’ve been there, in fact, we usually have 25-35 people every Sunday for our 10:00 worship service; we have another 200 that may tune in to watch via FaceBook Live. It’s small, very small and we usually spend more time drinking coffee and eating in the wonderful goodies folks bring in for Coffee Hour following the worship service. We may pack in a whopping 45-55 folks if we have a Potluck dinner but we really turn out when it comes to outreach or supporting a cause. On Christmas morning we’ll take down nearly two hundred pair of new gloves to St Augustine, a saintly place that feeds the homeless and the indigent. They’ll leave with a full stomach, bags of leftovers and some warm gloves for cold hands. . . My hand shakes can you still it My hand is cold can you warm it My hand is extended can you reach it My hand touches can you feel it My hand is empty can you fill it
A hand in a hand never leaves it shaking cold unfelt empty
A hand in a hand a human interwoven tapestry that completes a single One to a single Another
Just because a hand is outstretched doesn’t mean it’s going to be grasped . . .offer it any ways
or there’s another way to view it:
“Grandma how do you deal with pain?”
“With your hands, dear. When you do it with your mind, the pain hardens even more.”
“With your hands, grandma?”
“Yes, yes. Our hands are the antennas of our Soul.
When you move them by sewing, cooking, painting, touching the earth or sinking them into the earth, they send signals of caring to the deepest part of you and your Soul calms down.
This way she doesn’t have to send pain anymore to show it.
“Are hands really that important?”
“Yes my girl. Think of babies: they get to know the world thanks to their touch.
When you look at the hands of older people, they tell more about their lives than any other part of the body.
Everything that is made by hand, so it is said, is made with the heart because it really is like this: hands and heart are connected.
Think of lovers: When their hands touch, they love each other in the most sublime way.”
“My hands grandma… how long since I used them like that!”
“Move them my love, start creating with them and everything in you will move.
The pain will not pass away. But it will be the best masterpiece. And it won’t hurt as much anymore, because you managed to embroider your Essence.” Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Just what are you doing with your hands
. . .don’t doubt
Some One could
b e n e f i t