If our Lives are like Books
We no doubt have many
LINES
PARAGRAPHS
PAGES
CHAPTERS
LARGE SECTIONS
we would rip out
So others would never see them
and we just might be able to forget them
b u t
if we could just learn from our mistakes
(especially the ones we make repeatedly)
we just might find
that we have no regrets
but some
MONUMENTAL MEMORIES. . .
THE OPPOSITE GAME
THERE ARE NO WORDS. . .
we say
and then. . .
All we do is use
w O r D s
to say
THERE ARE NO WORDS. . .
We’re walking
talking
DICTIONARIES
not so much looking for definitions
as for real, living
M e A n I n G s
and dare we try
GIVING THEM
Wait. . What. . . ?
Did we just play
THE OPPOSITE GAME
(or have we never stopped)
L I F E and it’s MEANING
Meaning in Your Life
Sounds like a haunting kind of a headline, doesn’t it. . .
BUT
isn’t that what we’re all trying to find
with every turning page in the book of our lives. . .
Struggling to find a sense of meaning in life?
Researchers have identified three different pathways to it
Feeling that your life has meaning is fundamental to the experience of being human, and people who feel this way tend to be healthier and happier. Given the importance that most people place on meaning, how might we cultivate the feeling that life is meaningful?

For most of the 20th century, philosophers, psychologists, and psychiatrists argued that meaning in life is a rare, profound experience, attainable through an active search, deep self-reflection, or some other arduous way of creating meaning in a seemingly meaningless world. But we now know that most people, most of the time, report that their lives feel more meaningful than not. Although actively constructing meaning may be required in some cases—for example, when your world is turned upside down after a traumatic event—cultivating meaning in life may be as simple as detecting the meaning that is already there.
Researchers’ definitions of meaning in life typically incorporate three themes: the belief that your life and contributions matter to others and yourself, the feeling that your life makes sense, and the feeling that you are actively pursuing fulfilling goals. Other research further corroborates the idea that significance (mattering), coherence (making sense), and purpose(orienting toward goals) represent three interrelated facets of, or perhaps direct pathways to, the experience of meaning in life.
Based on those three pathways, here are some relatively simple things you can do to maintain or enhance your experience of meaning in life.
The experience of significance in life
There is great comfort in believing that your life and actions matter in the grand scheme of things. This conviction is referred to as “existential mattering” and is a strong component of the experience of meaning in life. While the concept of existential mattering often evokes images of famous (and infamous) people who have done extraordinary things in their lives—like Mother Theresa, Cesar Chavez, or Bill Gates—many people gain a sense of mattering through avenues more easily traversed.
Research shows that feeling that you have made a positive influence on others is, unsurprisingly, almost always associated with the belief that your life is meaningful. Existential mattering then is often rooted in a sense that you matter to others—from helping strangers in need and providing social support to loved ones, to simply being a reliable friend.
The feeling that your life is significant is related to more than feeling that your actions are influential to others. Significance is augmented when your behaviors, or experiences more broadly, matter to yourself. This aspect of significance is related to psychiatrist Viktor Frankl’s idea of finding beauty and meaning in life through lived experience. For example, the experience of meaningfulness can be found by enjoying riveting musical performances, being in awe of natural beauty, or simply appreciating an authentic interaction with another person.
One way to perceive more significance in your life is to actively seek out intrinsically rewarding experiences, like (re)connecting with nature or people who make it easy to express your true self. Moreover, many cognitive or emotional regulation strategies, such as practicing mindfulness, savoring the positive aspects of situations, cultivating a grateful disposition, or learning to evaluate your experiences more positively, naturally foster the detection of significance in your life experiences.
Although such experiences may lead the self to feel small in the context of vastness, they may also remind us that we belong to that vastness—that we are an indelible part of the wider universe in which we exist.
Sensing coherence
Coherence is the feeling that your life makes sense. For most people, most of the time, understanding life isn’t a problem requiring a solution. We are natural sense makers, automatically comprehending most situations effortlessly. In fact, a likely reason we don’t think about meaning in life too much is that our lives simply feel right (that is, things simply make sense). Our lives are embedded in a natural world characterized by regularities—sunrises and sunsets. We overlay these regularities with our own routines—morning coffee or an evening walk. The regularities of life provide the rhythms that undergird the feeling that life is meaningful.
Of course, life does not always make sense. For example, you may feel a sense of incomprehensibility after experiencing trauma or, counterintuitively, trying too hard to understand why your life has meaning.
Of all of the facets of meaning, coherence likely represents a basic psychological need. Similar to the anguish we feel when our need to belong is thwarted, our world seems to fall apart when things suddenly do not make sense. Restoring a sense of coherence during these times can be challenging and often requires feedback and reassurance from others (like a therapist or parent), as well as the mysterious healing power of time to help the mind restore a sense of equanimity. Reconnecting with the natural order of the world, reinstating routines that give structure to life, and finding respite in the arts may help you make sense of life again.
Although the inability to make sense of your life can detract from the experience of meaning, simply making sense of it doesn’t necessarily mean that life will feel meaningful. It is easy, for example, to think of an individual who possesses a cynical belief about how their life has unfolded. This worldview may help the individual make sense of their situation and life more broadly, but it seems unlikely to foster the belief that their life is full of meaning. This example illustrates how meaning is not simply about “connecting the dots” but also finding beauty in the picture that emerges.
Imbuing life with a sense of purpose
“Clear eyes, full hearts (can’t lose)” was the mantra of the Dillon Panthers, the fictitious football team familiar to fans of the popular TV show “Friday Night Lights.” One reason clearing one’s eyes, and subsequently filling one’s heart, is a successful strategy for football players and, perhaps, everyone is that people in this psychological state can pursue their goals with a greater sense of purpose. Feeling a sense of purpose helps us sustain motivation though the thick and thin of everyday life, and purposeful people tend to be more satisfied with their lives and even live longer. Purpose, therefore, is tied to both the quality and quantity of our existence.
One factor that facilitates purposeful action is possessing a clear reason for engaging in whatever you are doing. Knowing the “why” of your actions can infuse even trivial behaviors with value. Nietzsche famously noted that the person “who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” By developing a clear reason for pursuing a goal, the “how” of your goal-directed actions becomes more tolerable (and often more enjoyable) because those actions are now connected with a more long-term objective. For example, although most students would rather socialize with friends than study before an exam, clearly understanding that this minor hedonic sacrifice will help them obtain a rewarding job down the line should make it easier to commit to exam prep.
Even as your nose is firmly “to the grindstone,” clear eyes can be trained on a broader life dream. The overarching reason for existence can be found in “God’s plan” or a life calling, but a sense of the why of behaviors is not limited to such grand experiences. Taking time to reflect on your life dreams—to write the next chapters of your life story—can help to connect everyday life and daily goals to broader aspirations. Instead of wandering aimlessly, having “clear eyes” gives you a sense of direction and the motivation (a full heart) to help you achieve your goals and allow those accomplishments to imbue your life with meaning.
Some reasons for goal pursuit may be better than others, though. A person who feels they should perform a task only because their supervisor asked them to do it is unlikely to enjoy a sense of purpose while performing that work. Instead, purposeful behaviors are by definition pursued for more intrinsic reasons, often related to core aspects of one’s identity. For example, people may volunteer at a homeless shelter for various reasons, but the person who does so because they feel their actions are consistent with an internalized value of helping others in need are more likely to derive a sense of purpose from the experience.
The capacity of meaning to allow us to wake up every morning and do what needs to be done requires that meaning be present even in suffering. And this is where a sense of purpose is powerful. Although all human lives matter, they all also end and, in the grand scheme, may not hold the promise of a place in history, threatening our sense of significance. Similarly, although life very often makes sense, random, senseless events do occur that can destabilize our sense of coherence—from natural disasters to random acts of horrific violence. But purpose may be the facet of meaning that is least dependent on happenstance. No matter the circumstance, purpose—the capacity to invest in goals—is available, promising to imbue life with meaning.
Although it may be common folklore that ardently searching for, and effortfully creating, meaning in life is the primary way to truly experience this sought-after feeling, research suggests that most of the time meaning is actually quite easy to detect. Trying to understand why our life is meaningful may serve a function when life becomes incomprehensible, but ultimately it may never yield a satisfying answer. Meaning is not just found in one place. It is all around us—in our relationships, work, and spiritual and religious beliefs, as well as through the appreciating of life itself.
IN THE END
There always seems to be this line in the sand that signals
THE FINISH LINE
. . .Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
IT DOESN’T EXIST
I recently came across a beautiful poem by Tara Mohr that makes you understand better than any particular Blog Post. . .
It really got my brain cells spinning until this sputtered out:
What I learned most
is that I didn’t learn much
What I learned
I most likely forgot
sometimes instantly
or at least forgot to
Remember
It wasn’t so much
Where are my Keys
Where’d I put my phone
Where’s the remote control for the tv
The big lessons learned
“Don’t worry, it will be ok”
“Be Kind”
“Don’t take things so personally”
“Love is all”
“What matters, Matters”
“One out of One of us dies”
These are the Lessons
I had to take remedial classes
over and again
And having past the Tests
written the Master Thesis
finishing the Doctoral Dissertation
how have I failed
to act as if I’ve never known
anything
to have to learn each of these lessons
once more
with the surprise of the pop quiz
given just for showing up
Damn It
What I have learned most
I didn’t Learn much
I won’t be commanded to repeat
to be held back
The Baccalaureate Ceremony
has already begun
Commencement can’t be altered or stopped
Graduated
To What
To Where
To a Newness
Known
just not fully re-membered
R E M E M B E R
WOODSWIMMER
WoodSwimmer is a film collaboration between genius animator Brett Foxwell and Conor Grebel (Bedtimes). The footage was taken through a laborious stop motion process of capturing sections of wood as they are thinly shaved away by a milling machine. For more info on the video visit: http://www.bfophoto.com/ Director: Brett Foxwell Music / Editing: Bedtimes (Conor Grebel)
BIG WHOOP, Right. . .
What are you going to show us next Monday on your film-clip Monday Blog Post, Chuck. . . ?
You know. . .it kind of really is a big deal
especially if you’re a lot like me and continually have to
LEARN
TO SEE
WHAT I AM LOOKING AT. . .

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com
10 seconds
just take a minimum of
10 seconds
unless you’re really gutsy and what to add another
50 seconds
to do nothing
not one single thing
e x e p t
to focus
to look
to see
a plant
a tree
or any other natural object
around you
that you regularly see
but rarely notice. . .
D A R E
to notice something
you failed to recognize
before. . .
Go ahead, I’ll wait
or better still,
GO WOODSWIMMING
WE ARE A GENTLE, ANGRY PEOPLE
There are many different covers of this song but I like this version because it reminds me what we know, what we know we know, what we’d bet our lives that we know but for the LIFE OF US never act like we know. . .
WE ARE ALL INSTRUMENTS IN THE SYMPHONY OF THIS UNIVERSE
and the WE ARE AT OUR BESTS when we not only play in unison and harmony but when we just merely play together. . .
WE NEED TO BE THE CHORUS we already long have been and need to be now, UNMUTED, UNDILUTED, PURE, UNADULTERATED, UNFILTERINGLY US. . .
The video starts quietly but builds. I love how the singers end the song. ENJOY!
(My sincerest gratitude and appreciation to GALA Choruses.)
RECLAMATION PROJECT
We used to play
ARMY
for hours on end
just about anywhere we were
The Beach
The Playground
The Living Room
The Basement
The Backyard
There was no place that was exempt
which means some 25 years later
we are still finding green plastic army men
with every landscaping change
flower planting
shrub/bush placements
that somehow make
THESE FINDINGS
much more than just turning some dirt over
which unearthed this in me
with the most recent finding. . .
Each shovel full of dirt
Was as uncovering
An archeological dig
That unearthed treasures
That could only be held in
Chests of sacred heartbeats
Made more holy by memories
And ones not yet made
No seed could ever yield
Such a harvest
No tilling or nurtured watering
Could produce such a bloom
And though once buried
Never left behind
No matter how deeply dark
The covering
which uncovers the truth
That any reclamation
Begins an never ending season of joy
Not yet experienced
Or ever fadingly forgotten
There are some things that just will never grow in the richest of soils. . .
NOR DOES IT EVER HAVE TO
for the
Power of Reclamation
springs forth with no seeds necessary
because Memories
are all that’s needed
. . .no watering required
PRAYING
. . .so, do you
P R A Y. . .
HOW?
Head Bowed
Eyes Closed
Silently
Out Loud
With Music
With People
IN A CLOSET. . .
Think on this as Ellen Bass’s Poem tingles you brain cells as it drips into your soul:
PRAY FOR PEACE
Ellen Bass
Pray to whomever you kneel down to:
Jesus nailed to his wooden or plastic cross,
his suffering face bent to kiss you,
Buddha still under the bo tree in scorching heat,
Adonai, Allah. Raise your arms to Mary
that she may lay her palm on our brows,
to Shekhina, Queen of Heaven and Earth,
to Inanna in her stripped descent.
Then pray to the bus driver who takes you to work.
On the bus, pray for everyone riding that bus,
for everyone riding buses all over the world.
Drop some silver and pray.
Waiting in line for the movies, for the ATM,
for your latte and croissant, offer your plea.
Make your eating and drinking a supplication.
Make your slicing of carrots a holy act,
each translucent layer of the onion, a deeper prayer.
To Hawk or Wolf, or the Great Whale, pray.
Bow down to terriers and shepherds and Siamese cats.
Fields of artichokes and elegant strawberries.
Make the brushing of your hair
a prayer, every strand its own voice,
singing in the choir on your head.
As you wash your face, the water slipping
through your fingers, a prayer: Water,
softest thing on earth, gentleness
that wears away rock.
Making love, of course, is already prayer.
Skin, and open mouths worshipping that skin,
the fragile cases we are poured into.
If you’re hungry, pray. If you’re tired.
Pray to Gandhi and Dorothy Day.
Shakespeare. Sappho. Sojourner Truth.
When you walk to your car, to the mailbox,
to the video store, let each step
be a prayer that we all keep our legs,
that we do not blow off anyone else’s legs.
Or crush their skulls.
And if you are riding on a bicycle
or a skateboard, in a wheelchair, each revolution
of the wheels a prayer as the earth revolves:
less harm, less harm, less harm.
And as you work, typing with a new manicure,
a tiny palm tree painted on one pearlescent nail,
or delivering soda or drawing good blood
into rubber-capped vials, twirling pizzas–
With each breath in, take in the faith of those
who have believed when belief seemed foolish,
who persevered. With each breath out, cherish.
Pull weeds for peace, turn over in your sleep for peace,
feed the birds, each shiny seed
that spills onto the earth, another second of peace.
Wash your dishes, call your mother, drink wine.
Shovel leaves or snow or trash from your sidewalk.
Make a path. Fold a photo of a dead child
around your Visa card. Scoop your holy water
from the gutter. Gnaw your crust.
Mumble along like a crazy person, stumbling
your prayer through the streets.
Which bubbled this up inside of me
and now maybe you. . .
Bowing the head
gently
not tightly closing the eyes
as if you were greeting sleep
a few breaths away
and not strongly
squinting out the first rays
of a new day
Don’t pray that way
Wide eyed
head held high and firm
Blinkless
Offer up not what a mouth
can whisper
But a heart shouts
Full vibrato
To not make your needs known
But your promises
Powerfully Claimed
Humbly Received
Gratefully accepted
Pray that way
Not with a softend amen
But an exalted hurrah
and don’t blink
for fear of missing
the something
that compares to nothing
in this world
or the one
seemingly unfolding
before us all
especially if it’s
unlabeled
Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE A PRAYER
BE
ONE
(The only true prayer you’ll ever really need is the one
YOU ARE
The Power of TEARS
Sometimes it’s not the
OCEAN’S WAVE
but the think stream of an ongoing
T E A R
running down your face
that’s the saltiest. . .
DOES IT MAKE IT ANY LESS
S A L T I E R
IF IT HAS A MEANING. . . ?
How Tears Help Us Overcome Barriers to Empathy
A new study reveals how tears shed by members of socially disadvantaged groups can elicit empathy and support. . .
Recent data from the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees shows that the number of refugees seeking asylum has more than doubled in the past 10 years, with an estimated 84 million people displaced from their homes. Many of these refugees have immigrated to new countries where they may struggle to assimilate and learn the language. In some places, refugees and immigrants become the target of hate crimes: In the United States, for example, crimes targeting people of Asian descent jumped 339% in 2021.

How can we improve empathy and increase kindness toward newcomers? That’s the question tackled by a new study published in the journal Emotion. Magdalena Bobowik and her colleagues investigated a particularly overlooked aspect of behavior toward underprivileged groups: the role that tears play in evoking empathic responses.
The study took place in Spain, where Romanians and Moroccans are dominant immigrant groups. Participants (all native-born Spanish undergraduates) were split into three groups, each of which was shown a Romanian man displaying either neutral, sad, or tearful expressions. The results revealed that participants seeing the tearful expression reported more warmth toward the man, but not more discomfort.
In a similar fashion, researchers then asked participants to rate the face of a Moroccan man—but this time with a fourth expression, where the man was displaying happiness by smiling. In this experiment, researchers found that people were more likely to want to approach the man when he was smiling, and when he was shedding tears. However, they rated the man as less competent when he was sad.
A final experiment involved Syrian refugees. They showed participants a man who was introduced as being from either the same Spanish province as the participant, or as an immigrant who had just moved to the country from Syria. This man displayed either a neutral, sad, or tearful expression, like before.
The results? Whether the man was Spanish or Syrian, participants reported increased feelings of warmth toward him when he was crying. Participants were also more willing to approach and donate money when the Syrian man was crying, compared to when he simply looked sad.
Thus, the study suggests that tears from a member of an underprivileged group are able to heavily influence the emotional response of those who may not normally be so sensitive to socially disadvantaged groups in their country. This may be explained by the way in which “emotional tears shift the perception of a person from being a member of another social group to being included in one’s group category (possibly at a higher level of abstraction, as ‘a human’),” as the authors speculate in the paper.
These findings are in line with other studies that show how exposure to a tearful face increases people’s willingness to share resources. This may be due to the fact that tearful faces are rated as more trustworthy than neutral faces with no tears.
It may also be significant that the researchers asked the participants to see one man, not many. “We have an easier time feeling empathy for one person than for large groups of people,” says Diana Concannon, a psychologist and crisis response expert, in a recent interview. This is likely a result of our brains being unable to comprehend numbers above a certain threshold—so, for instance, the difference between 1.1 million and 1.2 million becomes increasingly difficult for us to visualize. Increased exposure to negative events can also contribute to feelings of desensitization.
This is what makes the findings of the study on tears so valuable: because it recognizes that we still retain the power to empathize with those who may be different from us, and that perhaps this effect is strengthened when we focus on one individual at a time.
It seems like the World has given THE WORLD lots of reasons to cry lately, doesn’t it?
WHICH MEANS
IT HAS GIVEN US LOTS OF REASONS TO NOT JUST NOTICE
BUT ACTUALLY FEEL EMPAHTY
AND TO ACT
or. . .
IS THE EVIDENCE BASED DATA
w r o n g
YOU MAY BE THE PROOF
(either way)