Care — Page 27

To BE A Caring Catalyst

April 5, 2017 By ChuckBehrens 4 Comments

She’s had over 30 more Christmas’s than me, but she most likely won’t see another one

— h e r e —

with family and friends.

I asked her what her secret was

after she told me that she felt fortunate

for having had a long, blessed life:

K I N D N E S S

she whispered with a shine in her eye that hadn’t dimmed any.

Sometimes, I think the best research out there is that which comes from our own experiences and then,

well then,

we actually N O T I C E it.

My personal research over these past twenty p l u s years of bedside sitting

has taught me that people don’t expect

or want much towards the end of their lives. . .

J U S T A P E R S O N W H O:

Took time to sit with them

Was a good listener

Helped keep their pride and self-respect

Maintained Confidentiality

Was trustworthy, dependable, patient

Respected and championed their rights as a patient

Helped their family and them to maintain as much control as possible over the situation

Heard them and responded appropriately; laughed with them, cried with them

Accepted them totally, was not upset by their physical appearance or limitations

Was comfortable with herself or himself

Was comfortable with silence and with touching

Was aware of our own limitations

Was realistic about death

Could support them without having to give support

Was unbiased, non-judgmental

Would remain a friend to their family after they died

Could help them live until they died

Was Kind

No diplomas necessary

No special certifications

No ordinations

No money exchanged

Excuses!

It’s been said by many before and most likely never heard enough:

WHEN YOU HAVE A CHOICE OF BEING KIND OR RIGHT. . .

be kind

always

(all-ways)

. . .Discover what it really means to be a

C A R I N G C A T A L Y S T– W H O C A R E S

March 27, 2017 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

https://youtu.be/b-xScLIevw0

LOVE HAS NO LABELS. . .

if that were

ONLY T R U E

if that were

ONLY THE NORM

and not the

n o n s t a n a r d

Love Has No Labels

is a movement to open our eyes to there unconscious bias. . .

While the vast majority of Americans

consider themselves

UNPREJUDICED

many of us unintentionally make snap judgements

about people

based on what we see–

whether it’s

race

age

gender

religion

sexuality

or disability

By becoming aware of our own

b i a s e s

WE can work to end bias

in ourselves,

our families

our friends

our communities. . .

Hmmmmmmmmm of the DAY:

WE NEED AN ORGANIZED MOVEMENT

to show us we need

LOVE WITH NO LABELS

Let’s make it this Simple:

Challenge that;

Inspire that;

Mirror that;

Share that;

B E T H A T

(not often)

A L L – W A Y S !

http://thecaringcatalyst.com/2208-2/

T O U C H E D

January 27, 2017 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

He was the first AIDS patient I had ever met, let alone visit.

He was in the hospital and I was a part-time Protestant Chaplain.

I HAD TO VISIT HIM

within the first 24 hours of his admittance;

He was sick. . .

very, very sick. . .

It was 1993

He didn’t say he was gay

. . .I didn’t ask.

I introduced myself and explained why I was coming by to visit him.

I asked if he was comfortable and if there were was a Church or someone he wanted me to contact?

He told me that he grew up Catholic and had fallen away. . .

that he never felt comfortable or was made to feel welcome. . .

He told me that

‘t h e s t o r i e s’

didn’t ever make much sense to him

and felt like it was a little late to make any sense of them now. . .

He told me that he was a professional Ice-Skater/Choreographer

and really missed being with his students;

While we talking an Aide brought in his lunch–

Soup. . .

some orange jiggly jello. . .

a toasted cheese sandwich. . .

a carton of milk. . .

and an extra side of sandwich;

There were tears in his eyes which started streaming down his cheeks. . .

and before I could say another word. . .

“THEY do this three times a day. . .

THREE TIMES. . .

and then walk out thinking I can feed myself. . .”

He half laughed as he started sobbing

“JESUS CHRIST. . . I’M IN HERE BECAUSE I CAN’T FEED MYSELF!”

We both started laughing. . .

I opened up his milk carton and put a straw in it and gave him a sip

I cut his toasted cheese sandwich into small squares and gave him a bite

I brought the bowl of soup to his lips so he could sip it

I put a spoon in the jello and brought a small spoonful of jiggle to his mouth

I wiped his chin when another sip of milk dribbled out

and I held his hand

and asked him if he wanted me to offer a prayer. . .

He put his other hand over top of mine

and didn’t look up

for what seemed like a longer than a significant moment could ever hold;

He spoke very slowly and almost in a sigh:

“You know. . .

I can’t remember the last time that anyone has ever touched me without having to. . .

I can’t remember anyone ever touching me without gloves on or wearing protective clothing. . .

I can’t remember. . .

I can’t remember. . . .”

he said over and over again.

I broke the trance

by asking him again if it would be okay if I offered him that prayer. . .

I’ll never forget what he said next:

“YOU JUST DID”

I said what you usually do a the end of a prayer as I squeezed his hand:

“a m e n”

T O U C E D

It wasn’t the first time

it certainly hasn’t been the last time

but I’m at the very best of me

when I can’t answer,

t r u t h f u l l y

WHO

TOUCHED

WHO ?

The Common Cold

January 11, 2017 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

The Common Cold Explained?

Has it ever been?

We get sniffles

We cough

We sneeze

We wheeze

We wipe a nose that can’t stop dripping

“WE CAN SEND A MAN TO THE MOON BUT WE CAN’T CURE THE COMMON COLD”

. . .and then there’s the Winter Cold.

There’s studies on this stuff, you know?

Dr. Mike Tipton, a Professor of Human Physiology at Portsmouth University in the UK studies the human body’s response to extreme environments–like being dunked in icy water or like what so many did on New Year’s Day when many took the Polar Bear Plunge in Lake Erie and I’m sure, other parts of the World.

Dr. Mike says the temperature of how your hands and feet dominate your overall sensation of thermal comfort. “You can be warm, but if your hands and feet are cold, you will feel cold,” Tipton states.

Hardly earth shattering information, huh? I mean go to a football game in sub-degree freezing temperatures WITHOUT GLOVES and in thin socks and thin shoes. . .you won’t make it till kick-off.

But maybe the worst,

the absolute worst kind of C O L D S

we can ever feel is not the ones we sneeze or shiver our ways through, but the

C O M M O N C O L D

we seem to be experts in giving one another

on any given day

at any given moment. . .

Isn’t THAT the worst?

Is it REALLY just because we’re different?

I remember my best friend when I was in third grade was Nathan. We were inseparable. Every waking moment, especially in the Summer, we were playing football, baseball or hide-and-seek and any other game we’d make up on the run. We traded baseball cards and had camp-out-sleep-on-the-living-room-floors sleep overs. We shared everything but his grandmother hated me; wouldn’t let me on her front porch or in their yard because I was a Lutheran and he,

. . .they were Catholic;

Somehow that brought out her Common Cold

. . .and it could kick the furnace on in a heat wave.

The Social Scientists will tell us

it’s all ingrained in us since our Cave Woman/Man days

when we fought over food or pelts or fire wood or a certain corner in the cave;

Maybe this is wired in us,

this ME-FIRST attitude

or my Tribe first,

my family,

my nation

first,

the idea of attacking someone first out of fear

that something will be taken from us. . ..

But more and more I’m finding I really am

S E A R C H I N G

N E E D I N G

an U N-C O M M O N C O L D.

It’s always seemed as if we have had to

O V E R C O M E

each other in order to guarantee our survival;

now more and more. . .

isn’t it that we are actually

D I S C O V E R I N G

new ways of relating to one another,

and here’s the KICKER,

we actually need each other to accomplish THIS!

When we IMAGINE

that the person,

known or unknown

before us might be having the worst day of THEIR lives,
that THEIR suffering is actually our Suffering. . .

it’s utterly amazing how the Common Cold becomes vastly more

M O R E U N C O M M O N

Now, THAT’S NOTHING TO SNEEZE AT. . . .

Ahhhhhhhhhhh,

a life without thick gloves and thicker shoes. . .

because

O U R W A R M T H

is sufficient!

(or maybe we keep sending our feelings/emotions and ourselves way past the Moon and Mars before ever getting around to curing THE COMMON COLD?)

REVERANCED

November 4, 2016 By ChuckBehrens 2 Comments

I never attend

Worship Services—-

I conduct them. . .

and yet three times this past week

that wasn’t true. . .

One was at David Simpson Hospice House–

a 42-bed hospice inpatient facility

that had a Mass

for a Patient

her husband

her friend

a volunteer

a Staff Nurse

and me. . .

The Priest not only gave a short homily on

“Blessed are those who Mourn for they shall be Comforted. . .”

but then opened it up to each of us

to be the homily. . .

I read from the Lectionary

. . .A reading for the Day:

G O D I S L O V E

. . .The Priest Led Communion

. . .The Volunteer led some singing

. . .The Congregation of 6

w o r s h i p p e d. . .

r e v e r a n c e d;

The Second Service was at a Nursing Home

where my dad resides. . .

It was Sunday afternoon. . .

Erin, my wife and I

joined my dad

shortly after the service had begun. . .

I wasn’t focusing on the

slightly off key quartet. . .

I wasn’t focusing on the

patients and there family members. . .

I wasn’t focused on the message of

“Those who wait upon the Lord shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not be faint. . . .”

I was focused on my dad. . .

I saw him

not as weakened

not as incapacitated

not as he now sees

the brokenness in himself–

I saw him as One

who used to drive us to Church

and now One I’m transferring. . .

I saw him as not so much a

m i s s i n g p i e c e

from some discarded puzzle. . .

I saw him as a

s p e c i f i c P E A C E

that’s about completing me

I saw him and

w o r s h i p p e d. . .

r e v e r a n c e d;

The Third Time

I worshipped

was just a few days ago. . .

I was visiting a patient

who had made her room

a sanctuary —

music from a soap opera

played in the background

served as a choir. . .

I, a congregation of one,

she, the Celebrant,

Her sermon was not profound. . .

Her Communion Offering:

F e a r,

D o u b t,

A n g e r,

. . .She led the Litany:

I’m Afraid

I responded:

I’m Afraid sometimes, too

I Doubt God

I’m doubtful sometimes, too

I’m mad as hell

I’m mad sometimes, too

I’m just so tired

I’m tired sometimes, too

I’m thankful for you

I’m thankful for you, too

I feel better, now

I feel better, too

. . .When your C o m m u n i o n

is C o m p a s s i o n

it’s hard not to call it

w o r s h i p

r e v e r a n c e d

. . .I don’t attend worship services–

I conduct them–

I wonder how many other times

aside from these very special three. . .

I have already missed

or worse. . .

just how many I’ll continue to

miss from now

o n . . . ?

Legislated Hearts

November 2, 2016 By ChuckBehrens 2 Comments

H E A R T M A P P I N G. . .

Have You?

Heart Mapping

is little exercise that helps illustrate

what’s really important to you. . .

Heart Mapping

was a concept

created by Georgia Heard

to help students

a c h e

about writing

instead of just merely stringing words together. . .

but it should be mandatory for everyone who has a

H E A R T beat. . .

It helps you fill in the spaces of your

H e a r t

with

Memories that are the most dear to you. . .

People who are most important to you–and why. . .

Experiences or events that you will never forget. . .

Impactful Happy and Sad Moments you’ve had. . .

Secrets that can only be kept in your heart. . .

What would be at the Center of your Heart?

Would you add Colors?

Would you add more than one Heart that overlaps?

Would you have things written around the outside of your heart?

What would be on your Heart Map. . .

that if you could, you’d legislate for the whole world to abide?

Hmmmmmmmm of the Day:

YOU CANNOT LEGISLATE THINGS OF THE HEART

if we could

we’d probably all legislate

a kinder

more compassionate

less judging

more accepting

more loving

less hating

more understanding

more caring

more forgiving

more merciful

more healthy

no cancer,

no pain

no disease

no disappointment

no terminal illness

no homelessness

no addiction

all accepting

w o r l d. . .

I would legislate that we’d all be

Caring Catalyst’s

who would literally find it impossible to be mean or disrespectful of anyone

and more giving and warmhearted to everyone

. . . h o w e v e r

we can’t legislate hate out of the heart. . .

s o m e h o w,

our Heart Map

still has passages

that takes us through some pretty swampy areas

that makes GPS’s tremble and stutter.

We can’t legislate a Heart that accepts and loves all—regardless of

race,

color,

creed,

sexual orientation,

socioeconomics,

o u r s e l v e s

If IT could happen or come to be just by

writing it down

then our Founding Fathers would have had a way to personify

creating all equal with full rights to Life,

Liberty

and the pursuit of Happiness. . .

Maybe. . .

m a y b e

that’s where it all starts?

I can’t do your heart map. . .only mine!

We can’t vote in

L E G I S L A T O R S

or adopt laws or amendments or new Constitutions

b u t

by looking at our own heart maps

and continually re-drafting

re-working

R E F I N I N G

them

and not only Beginning

but better still. . .

R E F U S I N G

to end there–

Well now. . .

We just might have created–

each of us–

a kind of Heart Map

W I T H O U T B O R D E R S

It’s a Continent worth reaching

and

s h a r i n g

See you in that never-need-legislating-land-of

T H E R E

(hopefully soon–very soon)

Looking Out the Wrong Window

September 23, 2016 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

Looking out the Wrong Window and Seeing. . .

We’ve all been on them before, haven’t we?

F L I G H T S

We’ve, in fact,

most likely been on flights where someone. . .

maybe a child,

maybe an adult,

who’s actually flying for the very first time;

Amazing, isn’t it?

Seeing their WONDER for the first time–seeing it all. . .

what they expect

and what they most likely didn’t expect at all.

I remember hearing a little boy one time,

peering out of the airplane window

once we took off and got above the clouds. . .

He mentioned about how they looked like

“MOUNTAINS OF MARSHMALLOWS.”

Or, or the little girl wondering,

maybe what we all have,

but didn’t have the gumption to quite say out loud:

“Hey, where are the angels? I thought I’d see angels up here.”

Hmmmmm. . .

p r e c i o u s stuff:

PURE INNOCENCE,

even more,

undiluted WONDERINGS, huh?

We’ve all looked out the wrong window and seen the most amazing things,

haven’t we

. . .or have we?

THE FLOOD WATERS FROM KATRINA HAD KNOCKED OUT THE POWER. DOCTORS AND NURSES WERE OVERSTRETCHED AND OVERTIRED. PATIENTS WERE DYING AND THE EVACUATION OF MANY OF THE SICKEST SEEMED IMPOSSIBLE. INJECTING DRUGS WAS ONE ANSWER THAT SOME MEMBERS OF THE MEDICAL STAFF DECIDED ON. WERE THEY TRYING TO COMFORT THOSE PATIENTS–OR HASTEN THEIR DEATHS? (new york times magazine, August 30, 2009–Sheri Fink)

W R O N G W I N D O W ?

A 70 YEAR OLD MAN WITH METASTATIC PROSTATE CANCER TO THE BONE IS IN INTRACTABLE PAIN AND IS PLAINLY TELLING YOU THAT IF YOU DON’T DO SOMETHING TO TAKE HIS PAIN AWAY N O W HE HAS THE MEANS AND THE WAY AND ABSOLUTELY THE MOTIVE TO TAKE THINGS INTO HIS OWN HANDS AND IT WILL BE MESSY.

W R O N G W I N D O W ?

A 34 YEAR OLD MOTHER OF THREE CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 6 IS BEGINNING TO SHOW THE SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF ACTIVELY DYING WITH A HIGH RISK OF ACTUALLY BLEEDING OUT. NOT ONLY DOES SHE HAVE A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF SPIRITUAL/EMOTIONAL PAIN LEAVING HER THREE CHILDREN BUT SHE WAS ALSO PRESENT AT AN EARLY AGE TO WITNESS THE DEATH OF HER MOTHER WHO DID BLEED OUT. HIGH DOSES OF MEDS ARE BEING ADMINISTERED TO HER ROUTINELY WITH BREAK THROUGH MEASURES IN PLACE AND SHE IS STILL IN EXTREME TERMINAL RESTLESSNESS.

W R O N G W I N D O W ?

Amazing isn’t it?

Some windows are dirty,

smudged and even cracked. . .

Some windows just seem to be the very worst,

the absolute Wrong ones to peer through. . .

Some windows. . .

The most amazing things can be seen when you look out the

W R O N G W I N D O W ?

. . .with no Focus on Noticing A N Y T H I N G

and seeing what you never could have imagined. . .

maybe what you never wanted to envision

and then suddenly

have to now entertain;

Crystal Clear

or highly smudged. . .

We’ve all looked out windows and been surprised by what we’ve seen.

The WRONG WINDOW ?

Sometimes. . .

sometimes we look out the Wrong windows and see

The R I G H T T H I N G S. . .

F O C U S

B e c o m i n g

a Caring Catalyst

is so much more

about looking out the wrong windows

c o n s i s t e n t l y

and s e e i n g

the right things

and

r e c o g n i z i n g

we already

A R E

Caring Catalysts

with just the right kind of

f o c u s

The ROUGH Side of the Sheets

August 19, 2016 By ChuckBehrens 2 Comments

There’s a few guarantees in life that are not all that

P L E A S A N T

Here’s one:

The Other Side of the Sheets are Always

R o u g h e r

S c r a t c h i e r

More A b r a s i v e. . .

N O T C O M F O R T A B L E

In 3 7 5 days

a lot can happen;

much can happen in

3 7 5 s e c o n d s

or blinks of an eye. . .

3 7 5

days ago my wife Erin had

Five back to back to back to back to back

s e i z u r e s;

after five days of testing,

some of it, very painful

we were sent home

with a not so firm diagnosis of

viral meningitis. . .

but after a year of recovering

r e c o u p i n g

and still having on/off

f o c a l s e i z u r e s

we spent another short week at

The Epilepsy Lab

at the Cleveland Clinic

and now have a firm diagnosis of

Left Temporal Epilepsy;

most likely managed with

the right medications

which may take some tinkerings

that finds us on the

r o u g h

s c r a t c h y

a b r a s i v e

n o t c o m f o r t a b l e

O T H E R S I D E O F T H E S H E E T S

There have been plenty of studies done about

how miserable

The Other Side of the Sheets

can actually be

for those who spend most of their time on

the more comfortable

more familiar

less irritating

BEST SIDE OF THE SHEETS

of Caregiving:

W E D O N ‘ T L I K E I T !

There’s a Universe of Difference between

C A R E G I V I N G

and

C A R E G E T T I N G,

But T H E L E S S O N

is invaluable for either side of the Sheets:

YOUR SUFFERING

MY SUFFERING

and

MY SUFFERING

YOUR SUFFERING

and no matter how rumpled the sheets

either side. . .

we can all do our part

to make sure they are a lot

s m o o t h e r. . .

adding a little compassionate care

is the softener

necessary to make

both sides of the sheets

h e a l i n g;

. . .now pass me the pillow case,

p l e a s e,

I T C A N A L W A Y S A L I T T L E M O R E C O M F Y

I F

May 23, 2016 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

I F

P o w e r f u l W o r d,

isn’t it?

Maybe it’s not really a lie we tell ourselves. . .

or maybe it’s the worst one we actually can’t ever help but to tell?

If we could undeniably tell what another felt just by looking at them, it would make all the difference in the world

U N L E S S

It didn’t. . . .

Maybe it’s just all merely about

d i s t i n c t i o n s ?

Empathy is the capacity to feel deeply for someone despite the fact you don’t actually share the same experience.

Sympathy is the capacity to feel deeply for someone because you actually do share the same experience.

Compassion, sympathy and empathy all have to do with passion

—f e e l i n g–

for another person because you identify with suffering. . . .

Oh come one…this is almost beginning to sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher:

“Wah-Wah-Wah-Wah-Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

She lived four houses down the street from us.

She committed suicide.

It’s been a whole year now

and her house has been cleaned out, garaged saled and sold

now newly moved into. . .

Moot point, huh?

E s p e c i a l l y s i n c e

I never knew her name, never talked to her even one time.

I certainly never shook her hand or heard the sound of her voice

as she told a story about herself or someone in her family.

I passed her only a few times when we were both in our cars and we only slight-hand-waved each other. . .

B u t,

but that was it.

I wonder. . .

I wonder if just by looking at her,

both of us keeping the shade of our truest identities behind our respective sunglasses,

but somehow looking past that and really seeing her,

I could have had a clue that this was going to happen. . .

that she was going to kill herself and not actually be found for a couple of days. . . ?

I wonder even more, just by looking at her and having T H A T hint. . .if,

if I would have done something. . .even a mere:

“Hello, how are you?”

Maybe John Steinbeck was right:

“YOU ONLY UNDERSTAND PEOPLE IF YOU FEEL THEM IN YOURSELF”

Maybe it’s time that we see someone different in the mirror because someone different is standing in front of it?

I f

I F

I F

Truly looking at someone and absolutely knowing how they actually felt, would it really make a difference or would it just be another intellectual debate about the differences between Empathy, Sympathy and Compassion and who shows, does them the best?

I wonder. . . .

Your Neutrino Of Compassion

October 7, 2015 By ChuckBehrens 2 Comments

Congratulations to Takaaki Kajita of the University of Tokyo and Arthur B. McDonald of Queen’s University in Canada who were awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics for discovering

THAT THE UBIQUITOUS BUT ELUSIVE SUBATOMIC PARTICLES KNOWN AS NEUTRINOS HAVE MASS

The ghostly neutrino–it means, “SMALL NEUTRAL ONE” in Italian–carries no electric charge and is so light that it had been assumed for many years to have no mass at all. These two Scientists showed that Neutrinos, which are found in three ‘flavors,’ could oscillate from one flavor to another–changing identities like a spy on the run, as they traveled through the atmosphere or through space from the sun–demonstrating that they do in fact have mass.

The Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences, which awards the prize stated,

“The discovery has changed our understanding of the innermost working of matter and can prove crucial to our view of the Universe. . . .”

S O W H A T ?

Well. . .

The universe is swamped in neutrinos that are left over from the Big Bang, and many more are created in nuclear reactions on earth and in the thermonuclear reactions that power the sun.

. . . Once thought to travel at the speed of light, they drift through the earth and

OUR OWN BODIES

like moonlight through the window. Knowing that they can change identities–and that they have mass–has helped cosmologists understand how the Universe has evolved and how the sun works, and it will perhaps help them improve their attempts to create fusion reactors on earth. . . .

S O W H A T?

So. . .

if some SMALL NEUTRAL ONE

can do all that from the Sun

so very many, many years ago

from the Big Bang

and it’s in

OUR BODIES. . .

how much more

can just a single charged minuscule neutrino

reflect the Light

of our Compassion. . . ?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. . .

Holy Neutrinos, Batman

I don’t think we saw the light

we just might have on purpose with full intent,

c r e a t e d

i t !

May that be the Combustionable in us

exploding in atomic proportions

r e p e a t e d l y. . . .

SITE MAP