Who Cares - What Matters
An Australian sheep farmer has paid his own unique tribute to his beloved aunt. Ben Jackson was unable to attend his Aunt Deb’s funeral due to pandemic restrictions. So, he laid barley out in a field in the shape of a love heart and let his pregnant ewes show how much he cared. . .
Q U E S T I O N :
HOW DO YOU SHOW YOUR LOVE
If you wait to celebrate
VALENTINE’S DAY
on February 14. . .
YOU’VE WAITED TOO LONG
Sometimes the greatest
F I S H
caught are the ones
you never put a line in the water
to catch. . .
In fact,
those fish swim everywhere
in, out, through your imagination
for the greatest tales ever. . .
When this not-not-so-small-minnow
jumped into my boat
I wasn’t ‘fishing’ for it but
it caught me way before I even thought of reeling it in. . .
It birthed
almost immediately these
poetic thoughts:
FIRST TIMES
I don’t remember
the first time
I sucked a lemon
but I’m sure it
prepared me for the
second time
I knowingly wouldn’t
suck up to pucker up
again. . .
Candle flame burns
Electrical outlet shocks
Black ice falls
Hit the thumb instead of the nail hammerings
Hot pans on hotter stoves
Stumbles off of shaky branches
All First Times
that make a
Second Time
not so much a lesson learned
as one to be remembered
to ever be taught
again. . .
FISHING BEFORE YOU KNOW HOW TO FISH Courtney Martin Through the pines and the one maple I hear her. I shouldn’t have gone fishing if I didn’t know how to fish. I shouldn’t have gone fishing if I didn’t know how to fish. There she stands legs impossibly long pink and black polka dot swimsuit baggy pole in her hands and a little oval sunfish impossibly on her hook. I don’t tell her, but I do think Oh, sweet girl, life is always like that. Fishing before you know how to fish. Leaving before you know how to leave. Speaking before you know how to speak. Fighting before you know how to fight. Loving before you know how to love. Dying before you know how to die. We are all the child with the pole worrying about who we’ve hurt. And we are all the fish on the hook, hoping for mercy. Her aunt hears her muttering prayer and though she hasn’t unhooked a fish in 30 years grabs the wriggling innocent in her hands and dislodges metal from cheek. And this, too, is all of us. Saved again and again by prayer we didn’t know we were saying and a witness we forgot was listening. Thank you, Miss Courtney for taking us Fishing before we knew we even had a pole, bait and some not-always-needed-know-how. . . . |
This great David Pomeranz song first came out in the early 90’s and the video was stunning as it morphed from face to face to illustrate that IT IS IN EVERY ONE OF US and now this is a new version that tries to tell us what we know, what we know that we know, what we bet our lives that we know and yet. . .for the life of us, don’t act like we KNOW at all. . . or maybe even more importantly KNOW:
The Way of Love
To love without conditions,
when others withhold love.
To refrain from judgment,
when others are judging.
To speak kindly, when
others speak with hostility.
To be open and trusting,
when others are fearful.
To be generous and giving,
when others are selfish.
To share joy and gratitude,
when others are sharing anger.
To be as simple as a child,
at peace with the Universe.
This is the way of love.
IT’S IN EVERY ONE OF US
and it’s long past time
to
S H O W
I T
N O
I didn’t lose my mind; this is the the video I posted on this past Monday’s blog and as A Caring Catalyst but also a real, live CHANGE MAKER. . .
This hairstylist had a job he was paid to do. . .
Beyond the job, he had the same options every other cause-driven compassionate human being has for comforting someone who is struggling.
Maybe think of these options as “Levels of Sacrificial Giving.” Each level requires a bit more sacrifice on the part of the giver, thereby imbuing the act with an increasing measure of beauty.
LEVEL 1: WORDS
Saying something genuine to affirm the sufferer’s enduring worth.
LEVEL 2: UTILITY
Supplying helpful goods, services, or money for the sufferer’s use.
LEVEL 3: TOUCH
A tender gesture to inhabit the same physical space as the sufferer.
LEVEL 4: TRANSFER
A permanent exchange from giver to sufferer (e.g., organ donation).
LEVEL 5: CO-SUFFERING
Voluntarily joining the sufferer to share the experience of their pain.
This hairstylist is a Level 5 Giver.
It begs the simple question:
ARE YOU A LEVEL FIVE GIVER
I’ve come to learn that no ironclad argument exists for convincing someone that Level 5 Giving is worthwhile or even rational.
The beauty of an act of Level 5 Giving either pierces you in a life-changing way or it doesn’t.
My hope for you and me is that this act, or another like it, so pierces us that we level up our giving in a world that is groaning louder and louder for it every day. . .
JOIN ME
Lets LEVEL UP
always to a better way. . .
“I’M SORRY”
See, that wasn’t so hard was it
B U T
Did you mean it. . .
Did they feel it. . .
DID THEY BELIEVE IT. . . ?
when you apologze?
It’s time to stop, researchers say
There’s something very powerful about receiving or giving a heartfelt, genuine apology.
Bad apologies, on the other hand, can be disastrous and lead to more hurt.
The new book, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies, draws from a broad range of research to explain the power of apologies, why we don’t always get good ones, and the best way to tell someone you’re sorry.
Co-authors Marjorie Ingall and Susan McCarthy break down the six (and a half) steps to great apologies. They are:
“These six steps are relevant for adults, for children, for corporations, for institutions, for governments,” Ingall said. “And six-and-a-half is ‘listen.’ People want to be heard, and don’t jump over them. Let the person that you hurt have their say.”
Ingall said saying the word “sorry” may seem obvious, but it didn’t always happen. Instead, people say things like they’re “regretful,” and this isn’t the same thing.
“Regret is about how I feel,” Ingall said. “We’re all regretful. ‘Sorry’ is about how the other person feels. And when you apologize, you have to keep the other person’s feelings at top of mind.”
Then there are the words not to say during an apology.
Ingall points to words like “obviously” (“If it was obvious, you wouldn’t have to say it”) and “already” (“‘I’ve already apologized’ is a thing we hear a lot”), and the qualifiers like “sorry if…” and “sorry but…” and “I didn’t meant to.”
“Intent is far less important than impact when it comes to apologies,” Ingall said.
McCarthy adds that a bad apology can even make things worse.
“It’s akin to the cover-up being worse than a crime, if you make an apology that says, you know, ‘You shouldn’t even have a white sofa,’ or, ‘You shouldn’t have been standing there,'” she said.
On the other hand, a great — even late — apology can have tremendous healing power, the authors say.
“I received a letter years after a breakup from a boyfriend,” Ingall said. “And he just said, ‘I wanted you to know I’m getting married. And I’m aware that I was often not a good boyfriend. And I want you to know that I was listening, even when it didn’t seem like I wasn’t listening. And I’m going to be a better husband because of our relationship.'”
How did that go for you?
Is it worth showing up and maybe saying
maybe SHOWING it in another way. . .
I’m Sorry. . .
maybe it’s worth another try in another way just to make sure your
“I’M SORRY
goes a little bit
d
e
e
p
e
r
.
.
.
.
C H A N G E M A K I N G
. . .isn’t always about launching and scaling new ventures and initiatives. Sometimes it’s about turning an everyday moment into a moment of positive change. These are opportunities that we can’t plan for, but that when they appear, give us a chance to step up, take action, and change someone’s life. Some call that microleadership. . .I merely call it CHANGEMAKING or better, LIFECHANGING and the best part about THAT is everyone of us is capable of making IT happen at any time with anyone. . .This video is a moving example of how we all can have impact, anywhere.
Watch this barber shave off his own hair in unity with a cancer patient shaving hers and see how these small acts can add up to huge impact and then go and DUPLICATE IT as often as you can, everywhere you can, with whoever you can. . .
Being a CHANGEMAKER is being A Caring Catalyst on steroids
K I C K
I T
U P
One of the official languages of South Africa is Zulu (isiZulu in Zulu). It is spoken by about 10 million people. There is a word in Zulu that is used in greetings: “Sawubona”.
It means, “I see you.” Not in the sense of, “I see you standing before me, and I see that you are wearing blue jeans and sweater, and I see that your hair is done up today, and I see that you are wearing your glasses instead of contacts.”
Sawubona is much more than that.
At its heart, Sawubona means, “I see you as a person with a history and culture and hopes and dreams and fears. I see you for who you are. I see you and I respect you.”
Sawubona has been described by worker and community leader Orland Bishop as an invitation to participate in each other’s life. Sawubona, he says, means that people give each other what they need to enhance that moment of life.
Every time I stand before a person, a patient or an audience, a gathering of persons, I remind myself with a deep, purposely cleansing breath what I invite you do; KNOW that these are not nameless, faceless people who are are before you. They are individuals with lives that are as rich and complicated as yours. They are people who want to be seen, who want to be understood, who want to be helped, who want to be respected.
As you look, as you see, pause a moment and think, Sawubona. I see you.
If you carry that intention, bring that forth purposely, you will be looked back at with eyes that say, “Yebo sawubona. We see you too.”
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com
Translation:
AS A CARING CATALYST
I don’t look at you with my eyes
I see you in my
H E A R T
and accept you as you
A R E
not to be
CHANGED
but possibly be
CHANGED
BY YOU
and maybe
better still
WITH YOU
S A W U B O N A
Illustration by Peter Oumanski
It’s a really fair question, isn’t it?
It’s been nearly a year that we have lived with
pandemic
and possibly the fear of getting COVID19
When I woke up with a tickle in my throat,
sneezing and watery eyes
my first question through the haze of
A W A K E D N E S S
was,
IS THIS IT. . .IS THIS THE ONSET OF COVID?
which made me ask through
a-not-so-hazy-awareness was
DO I WORRY TOO MUCH
well. . .
DO WE WORRY TOO MUCH?
Do we actually worry about worrying. . . ?
Time Magazine’s Markham Heid did some worry-free investigating on this matter of
W O R R Y I N G
As human beings, our ability to predict trouble—and outwit it—is one of those cerebral superpowers that set us apart from birds and beasts. But nonstop worrying can be crippling to your life and your immune system.
“Just having a thought about some potential bad thing that might happen—everyone has those,” says Dr. Michelle Newman, director of the Laboratory for Anxiety and Depression Research at Pennsylvania State University. “But if you have difficulty stopping the worry once it starts, that’s one of the ways we define what’s called pathological worry.”
Newman, who is also editor of the journal Behavior Therapy, cites more characteristics of out-of-control worrying, like fixating on things over which you have no control—or which have a low probability of happening—and “catastrophizing” them. Worrying about a loved one who’s driving and picturing the horrible ramifications of an accident is one example; imagining a string of events that might lead to your losing your job and your home is another.
Anxiety is a related feeling that often goes hand in hand with worrying. While it can be a little tricky to separate the two, Newman says the technical difference is that worrying is “verbal-linguistic” while anxiety is “physical.” If you feel tense or on edge while thinking about your job security or your child’s long car trip, you’re experiencing both worry and anxiety. Feel those emotions “more days than not” for a period of six months, and you meet the American Psychiatric Association’s criteria for a diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder, or GAD. Basically, you’re a chronic worrier.
“I like to say that chronic worry is a process looking for content,” Newman says. “You’ve gotten into the habit of looking for something to be concerned about, and you always find it.”
That’s bad news for several reasons. First and foremost, incessant worrying and anxiety can increase your blood pressure and heart rate and has been linked to an elevated risk for cardiovascular disease. “Anxiety can also over-activate your immune system,” says Dr. Wesley Moons, formerly of the University of California, Davis, and now CEO of his own consulting firm, Moons Analytics.
While at UC Davis, Moons and his graduate student Grant Shields found that people who reacted to stressful situations with anger experienced a smaller immune system response than those who reacted with anxiety. Shields says the sorts of immune system responses his research linked to anxiety could hurt the body’s ability to fight off infection or disease and have been tentatively linked to higher mortality rates.
“That’s not to say getting angry is a healthy reaction to stress,” Moons adds. “But in terms of your immune system, anxiety appears to trigger some different and potentially more detrimental responses.”
But isn’t there a benefit to lots of worrying? After all, if your mind is tackling contingencies and potential threats, you can act now to prevent them—right?
Unfortunately, Newman refutes this idea. “Mostly worrying becomes a process unto itself that doesn’t lead to problem solving or helping you in any way,” she says. If you’re worrying about something, she says, you’re not taking steps to address the source of your worry, if that’s even possible.
When you boil it down, worry is really a failure to live in the moment, Newman says. Activities that attempt to anchor your mind to the present—including yoga and meditation—may help combat incessant worrying. Exercise, massage and other things that alleviate physical tension are also helpful, she says.
Another great way to reign in your worrying is to set aside a specific time and place for it. Select a spot you can get to easily every day, but that isn’t a place where you normally spend time, Newman advises. (A quiet bench in your backyard, maybe, or a chair in your guest room.) Your goal is to give yourself 20 or 30 minutes a day in that space, devoted only to worrying. “The rest of the day, you tell yourself you aren’t going to worry because you will at that time and place,” Newman explains. “The idea is that by isolating your worry, you can control it.”
She says that focusing on a favorite relaxing setting—your “happy place”—also has proven worry-reducing benefits. “Close your eyes,” she says. “Try to vividly picture that place—the sights and smells and sounds you would feel and hear.” Hopefully the place that you see is worry-free.
So the next time you feel like you’re ready to explode with
W O R R Y
double cross it:
GIVE YOURSELF A TIME AND A SPACE TO WORRY
and don’t let it take one more second of the day away from you
and more. . .
from the people and situations
that you need you more brilliantly
WORRY-LESS
and more
undiluted
C A R I N G
(anything that robs you of that, is truly villainous)
just remember:
Sometimes a song is much more than notes
and lyrics are much more than words. . .
Don’t cry snowman, not in front of me Who will catch your tears if you can’t catch me, darlin’? If you can’t catch me, darlin’? Don’t cry, snowman, don’t leave me this way A puddle of water can’t hold me close, baby Can’t hold me close, baby
I want you to know that I’m never leaving Cause I’m Mrs. Snow, ’till death we’ll be freezing Yeah, you are my home, my home for all seasons So come on let’s go Let’s go below zero and hide from the sun I’ll love you forever where we’ll have some fun Yes, let’s hit the North Pole and live happily Please don’t cry no tears now, it’s Christmas baby
My snowman and me My snowman and me Baby
Don’t cry, snowman, don’t you fear the sun Who’ll carry me without legs to run, honey? Without legs to run, honey? Don’t cry, snowman, don’t you shed a tear Who’ll hear my secrets if you don’t have ears, baby? If you don’t have ears, baby?
I want you to know that I’m never leaving ‘Cause I’m Mrs. Snow, ’till death we’ll be freezing Yeah, you are my home, my home for all seasons So come on let’s go Let’s go below zero and hide from the sun I’ll love you forever where we’ll have some fun Yes, let’s hit the North Pole and live happily Please don’t cry no tears now, it’s Christmas baby
My snowman and me My snowman and me Baby
Notes: I don’t own anything. All credits goes to Sia and the company Cineplex which created this animation. Please support Sia. 🙂 Don’t forget to check them: http://www.cineplex.com/ http://www.youtube.com/siavevo/
Sometimes a song is much more than notes
and lyrics are much more than words. . .
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU EXPERIENCE THEM
THE OLDER WE GET
THE CLOSER WE GET
well. . .
You can fill in the ________________________________
What some call
R E T I R E M E N T
others call: STARTING OVER
others call: THE NEXT CHAPTER
others call: THE GRAVY YEARS
others call: THE BEST PART
others call: RE-TIRED-MENT
others call: _______________
A couple of Sunday’s ago I switched from reading the New York Times Sunday Edition to watching “60 Minutes” One of it’s featured stories was about Hans Zimmer. It immediately got me to writing this Friday Blog post and even more about being devoted to never retiring and most of all always (ALL-WAYS) reinventing myself to continually being: MYSELF–AN (EVER EVOLVING) ORIGINAL
All of this prompted was prompted by this interview with German-born composer Hans Zimmer. You may not know his name as well as John Williams, but he has scored many blockbuster films like “Top Gun: Maverick,” “Dune,” and “Lion King.” He said from his earliest days learning the piano, “I did not want to play other people’s music.” He has certainly passed well beyond that: it’s hard to categorize his work (or even to completely discern all the instruments that make his unique compositions.) Towards the end of the interview he was asked about RETIREMENT and he in essence said that he couldn’t imagine it because he was energized and at his best and gets jazzed by creating/re-creating himself. (THAT ONE STRUMMED THE STRINGS ON MY HEART AND BLEW THE WOODWINDS OF MY SOUL) We all know it’s not terribly easy to BE ORIGINAL. There will always be pressures to conform, to not “rock the boat,” to “get back in line.” We also know that great strides personally and professionally are rarely made by settling for cutting with the grain. This week’s challenge (and I’m right there with you) — what can you initiate this week, TODAY, that will set new standards, travel down new paths, and establish once and for all that you are an original?
ITS NOT ENOUGH TO OWN YOUR OWN FINGERPRINT. . .
You have to make sure
that you make indelible
I M P R I N T S
And lasting impressions
YOU-NIQUELY
your own to have and share
now and
for-an-evermore. . .
BE THE SYMPHONY
you are ever composing
and never forget to
CONDUCT IT
