The Caring Catalyst

Who Cares - What Matters

Basins and Towels

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How big is your Basin
How wide is your Towel
How empty is your Basin
How dry, your Towel
Will you fill it up
(again)
Where
with What
How dirty is your towel 
as you wipe away a stubborn grit
that will
in fact
make you more Clean
even as 
hands and feet
are being 
caressingly cleansed
by you
on bended knee
Will you look up
at awed eyes
or
cast your gaze down
looking for what’s way below
dust
from which you came
and speck by speck
returning.     .     .
Maybe it’s not so much
how unsullied your hands
as how
besmirched
you allow them to become;
your sore knees prove to be
in continuous crouching
going from One
to Another
Not 
how wrinkle-free
a pair of spotless pants remain
Basins and Towels
are telling
whether 
empty
full
clean
dry
.       .       .they lie 
not

Serve
or
Served
. . .which are you?

(NEVER) Just A Dog

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MY DOG SKIP
is a great movie about a boy and his dog. . .
It’s mostly a story about award winning writer, Willie Morris and his dog
GROWING UP. . .

Our dog, Mollie died this past Thursday without much warning or notice and it’s like watching and re-watching a gut wrenching movie or at least their worst tear-jerking scenes on an endless loop. . .

She’s been ever present for nearly the last 14 years of our lives bringing all of the things we say our dogs, our pets bring so abundantly and even more, so unconditionally.

I’ve heard it said that grief is love that doesn’t have a place to go. None of us likes grieving; none of us likes what it makes us feel or do because it usually means that we’ve lost the greatest loss of all: Somebody or Something that we’ve loved deeply, intimately and if we’re lucky, unconditionally, too.

I often wax poetically at a funeral when I say there is no grief, there is no hurt, no sense of loss, no pain; never any tears unless there’s a love much deeper than all those things put together that even made the grief possible. . . That’s a gift, and to be sure, it can’t be ordered from Amazon; you don’t wanna wrap that up and put it under Christmas tree or make sure you save it for a special anniversary or birthday or give merely as a JUST BECAUSE… and yet it is a gift, the best kind of all, isn’t it?

Molly of nearly 14 years is the pet among the so many cats, gecko’s, rat, and another dog we ever had the longest. We talked about the day when she would no longer be with us because of some here and there health issues but you can never fully prepare for IT; being a hospice chaplain since 1994 has taught me that along with some of the close family members and friends who have died. Still, it’s ripped our hearts out without a scalpel or at least a very dull one. 

No, she just wasn’t a dog so much more than that; fully accepting, unconditionally loving and always couldn’t wait to greet you and anybody else that came in to her presence. She was a rescue dog; our son found her at a party one night. She was in a milk crate and and maybe not so much abused as neglected. He complained to the owner, “You can’t keep a dog like that and if you won’t let her out, I’ll take her.” The owner said he didn’t really want her, to go ahead and take her. When he brought her home he never told us at first; she was down in the basement and of course we heard her and went down to check out the situation. He convicted me. Used my words. “Dad, you always told me when you were in a bad situation you can’t leave until you make it better not worse. I couldn’t leave her that way.” She was emaciated, cowering, afraid and always wanted to be in your presence; never wanted to be left alone. And for that reason she never needed a leash, no matter where we’d be in the yard or walking down the street she would always be right there with us, never running away, never leaving.

She would be the first to greet you when your car pulled into the driveway or when you walked into the back door and we would often think after a long day or a tiring week the Peace was her laying in between us as I would sit on a chair and Erin on the couch. Part of that peace was that Love; it was as if she couldn’t rest each night at the side of her our bed unless she was sure you knew it, experienced it. 

FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE OWNING A DOG
First of all, it’s a big responsibility,
especially in a city like New York.
So think long and hard before deciding on love.
On the other hand, love gives you a sense of security:
when you’re walking down the street late at night
and you have a leash on love
ain’t no one going to mess with you.
Because crooks and muggers think love is unpredictable.
Who knows what love could do in its own defense?

On cold winter nights, love is warm.
It lies between you and lives and breathes
and makes funny noises.
Love wakes you up all hours of the night with its needs.
It needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy.

Love doesn’t like being left alone for long.
But come home and love is always happy to see you.
It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life,
but you can never be mad at love for long.

Is love good all the time? No! No!
Love can be bad. Bad, love, bad! Very bad love.

Love makes messes.
Love leaves you little surprises here and there.
Love needs lots of cleaning up after.
Sometimes you just want to get love fixed.
Sometimes you want to roll up a piece of newspaper
and swat love on the nose,
not so much to cause pain,
just to let love know Don’t you ever do that again!

Sometimes love just wants to go out for a nice long walk.
Because love loves exercise. It will run you around the block
and leave you panting, breathless. Pull you in different directions
at once, or wind itself around and around you
until you’re all wound up and you cannot move.

But love makes you meet people wherever you go.
People who have nothing in common but love
stop and talk to each other on the street.

Throw things away and love will bring them back,
again, and again, and again.
But most of all, love needs love, lots of it.
And in return, love loves you and never stops.

Taylor Mali

Mali. Taylor. “How Falling in Love is like Owning a Dog.” What Learning Leaves. Write Bloody Books.

I don’t know what your idea of Heaven is; I’ve come to believe from so many people’s experiences or expectations that whatever they think it is, IT IS. Maybe we all be instantly in the presence of loved ones or those that have gone before us. Me? I believe instantaneously I’ll be in the presence of the One who created me, those I’ve loved and have been loved by and. . .I kind of think I’ll know I’m in heaven when I see her running down the street (THAT STREET) like she did so many times when she’d meet us coming backing from an errand or a walk; so excited to see me, tail wagging, yelping in joy, barking as I hug others because she wants hugged and attention, too; welcoming me home, HOME, and not so much expecting, well, what might’ve brought her so much as what she can’t wait to give me. . but what they can’t wait to give me. . .Hmmmmmmmmmm, yeah, HEAVEN!

In the meantime, we are comforted by the kindnesses of our family, friends and the neighbood kids who adopted her as their own and companion us in carrying our grief and love. . .

No, there won’t be any be a memorial service; no celebration of life ceremony–they’ll be ongoing countless ones; each being more special than the last one but all of them being ongoing for our ever’s. . .

Last Summer, Erin found this rock down at the Lake and immediately brought it home and with little effort made it look like Molly. We didn’t know then what we feel now; but we assuredly know the only thing that’s stronger more enduring than Rock, is LOVE. . .May rich Peace she brought to us and so many now be that profound Peace she’ll enjoy for an ever more as she crosses the Rainbow Bridge but never out of our hearts. . .Our greatest takeaway: if Molly, never Just A Dog, can show Compassion, Empathy, Kindness, Care, Acceptance, Unconditional Love, what about Mutts like us?

SPEAK I would tell her and she would with tail wagging like an airplane propellor making you soar higher than you expected. I never told her to HEAL I never had to; it’s what she just did (repeatedly)

Not Just Another Story

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At 40, Franz Kafka (1883-1924), who never married and had no children, walked through the park in Berlin when he met a girl who was crying because she had lost her favourite doll. She and Kafka searched for the doll unsuccessfully.

Kafka told her to meet him there the next day and they would come back to look for her.

The next day, when they had not yet found the doll, Kafka gave the girl a letter “written” by the doll saying “please don’t cry. I took a trip to see the world. I will write to you about my adventures.”

Thus began a story which continued until the end of Kafka’s life.
During their meetings, Kafka read the letters of the doll carefully written with adventures and conversations that the girl found adorable.
Finally, Kafka brought back the doll (he bought one) that had returned to Berlin.

“It doesn’t look like my doll at all,” said the girl.
Kafka handed her another letter in which the doll wrote: “my travels have changed me.” the little girl hugged the new doll and brought the doll with her to her happy home.

A year later Kafka died.

Many years later, the now-adult girl found a letter inside the doll. In the tiny letter signed by Kafka it was written:

“Everything you love will probably be lost, but in the end, love will return in another way.”

Embrace the change.
It’s inevitable for growth.
Together we can shift pain into wonder and love,
but it is up to us
to consciously and intentionally
create that connection. . .
(again and again and again and again and again and again and again. . . .)

hands heart love
Photo by ATC Comm Photo on Pexels.com

Be more than just another story. . .
BE THE STORY
the one that never needs a sentence
or forms a paragraph
or uses punctuation
or ends. , ,

Happiness VS Purpose

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Would you rather be
HAPPY.      .      .

Would you rather have a Purpose.     .     .

IS THERE A DIFFERENCE     .        .       ?

According to Dr Dhruv Khullar, who is a physician at New York-Presbyterian Hospital as well as a Researcher at the Weill Cornell Department of Healthcare Policy Research there’s not just a difference but a major distinction.      .     .

Finding Purpose for a
Good Life.    .    .

But Also a Healthy
One.     .     .

Happiness has little to do with it. Research suggests meaning in your life is important for well-being.

Image
Volunteering to help children, for example, or to take care of a pet can improve your well-being, research suggests. CreditIgor Kovalenko/European Pressphoto Agency

 Dr. Khullar explains:

My favorite medical diagnosis is “failure to thrive.”

Not because patients are failing to thrive — that part makes me sad. But because of the diagnosis’s bold proposition: Humans, in their natural state, are meant to thrive.

My patient, however, was not in his natural state. Cancer had claimed nearly every organ in his body. He’d lost a quarter of his body mass. I worried his ribs would crack under the weight of my stethoscope.

“You know,” he told me the evening I admitted him. “A few years ago, I wouldn’t have cared if I made it. ‘Take me God,’ I would’ve said. ‘What good am I doing here anyway?’ But now you have to save me. Sadie needs me.”

He’d struggled with depression most of his life, he said. Strangely enough, it seemed to him, he was most at peace while caring for his mother when she had Parkinson’s, but she died years ago. Since then, he had felt aimless, without a sense of purpose, until Sadie wandered into his life.

Sadie was his cat.

Only about a quarter of Americans strongly endorse having a clear sense of purpose and of what makes their lives meaningful, while nearly 40 percent either feel neutral or say they don’t. This is both a social and a public health problem: Research increasingly suggests that purpose is important for a meaningful life — but also for a healthy life.       .         .

Purpose and meaning are connected to what researchers call eudaimonic well-being. This is distinct from, and sometimes inversely related to, happiness (hedonic well-being). One constitutes a deeper, more durable state, while the other is superficial and transient.

Being a pediatric oncologist, for example, is not a “happy” job, but it may be a very rewarding one. Raising a family can be profoundly meaningful, but parents are often less happy while interacting with their children than exercising or watching television.

Having purpose is linked to a number of positive health outcomes, including better sleep, fewer strokes and heart attacks, and a lower risk of dementia, disability and premature death. Those with a strong sense of purpose are more likely to embrace preventive health services, like mammograms, colonoscopies and flu shots.

And people with high scores on measures of eudaimonic well-being have low levels of pro-inflammatory gene expression; those with high scores on hedonic pleasure have just the opposite.

Doing good, it seems, is better than feeling good.

One study analyzed how having purpose influences one’s risk of dementia. Researchers assessed baseline levels of purpose for 951 individuals without dementia, then followed them for seven years, controlling for things like depression, neuroticism, socioeconomic status and chronic disease. Those who had expressed a greater sense of purpose were 2.4 times less likely to develop Alzheimer’s, and were far less likely to develop even minor cognitive problems.

Another study followed more than 6,000 individuals over 14 years and found that those with greater purpose were 15 percent less likely to die than those who were aimless, and that having purpose was protective across the life span — for people in their 20s as well as those in their 70s.

Image
Helping other people can also be a way to help oneself. A volunteer with a box of supplies in DuPont, Wash., the location of a deadly Amtrak derailment last month. CreditGrant Hindsley/seattlepi.com, via Associated Press

Having purpose is not a fixed trait, but rather a modifiable state: Purpose can be honed through strategies that help us engage in meaningful activities and behaviors. This has implications at both the dinner table and the hospital bed.

A recent randomized control trial compared the effect of “meaning-centered” versus “support-focused” group therapy for patients with metastatic cancer. Patients in the support groups met weekly and discussed things like “the need for support,” “coping with medical tests” and “communicating with providers.”

Patients in the meaning-centered groups focused instead on spiritual and existential questions. They explored topics like “meaning before and after cancer,” “what made us who we are today,” and “things we have done and want to do in the future.” Meaning-centered patients experienced fewer physical symptoms, had a higher quality of life, felt less hopeless — and were more likely to want to keep living.

Other research suggests that school programs that allow students to discuss positive emotions and meaningful experiences may enhance psychological well-being, and protect against future behavioral challenges. But this isn’t how we usually operate. We instead assume that anxiety and depression are problems to be treated — not that emotional resilience and human flourishing are states to be celebrated.

What’s powerful about these conversations is not just that they can help cancer patients through treatment or help teenagers build resiliency — they can also help the rest of us. We should all consider asking ourselves and our loved ones these questions more often.

 
During my most trying months of medical school, I met every Sunday evening with three friends. Phones off, lights dim, wine glasses full. We shared the most challenging and most rewarding moments of our weeks. These conversations helped each of us glean — or perhaps create — meaning in challenging, sometimes traumatic, experiences: the death of a child we’d cared for; abusive language from a superior; the guilt of committing a medical error.

It was in these sessions that I chose my specialty, decided to apply to policy school, and vowed to reconnect with a lost friend.

Meaning grows not just from conversation, of course, but also from action. One recent study randomly assigned 10th graders to volunteer weekly with elementary students — to help with homework, cooking, sports, or arts and crafts — or put them on a wait list.

Teenagers who volunteered had lower levels of inflammation, better cholesterol profiles and lower body mass index. Those who had the biggest jumps in empathy and altruism scores had the largest reductions in cardiovascular risk.

Engaging in these kinds of activities may be most important for individuals whose identity is in flux, like parents with children leaving for college or workers preparing for retirement. A program run by Experience Corps, an organization that trains older adults to tutor children in urban public schools, has shown marked improvements in mental and physical health among tutors. The improvements included higher self-esteem, more social connectedness, and better mobility and stamina. (The children do better, too.)

REAL    LIVE    CARING    CATALYST    KIND    OF     STUFF,  Huh?

This work hints at an underlying truth:

Finding purpose is rarely an epiphany, nor is it something you pick up at the mall or download from the app store. It can be a long, arduous process that requires introspection and conversation, then a commitment to act.

The key to a deeper, healthier life, it seems, isn’t knowing the meaning of life — it’s building meaning into your life. Even if meaning is a four-legged friend named Sadie.         .           .

Wait.       .       .

What.          .          .

Is being a Caring Catalyst

that simple

Is being a Kind person

that simple

Is being a Happy Person

that simple

Is being a Person with a Purpose

that simple.          .          .

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.          .          .

i s

i  t

N   O   T ?

UMBRELAING

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Inspired by true events and filled with messages of empathy and hope, Umbrella follows Joseph’s story, a boy who lives in an orphanage and dreams of having a yellow Umbrella. 2021 Oscar® Qualified Animated Short Film. . .
And yet
. . .it seems so much more than a
T H A T

When we stretch just a little
out of our Comfort Zone
or our own too familiar
OrDINarY
we may find
a whole new way of
UMBREALING
. . .sheltering;

If we only recognized
 If we only noticed
If we only knew
If we only acted
That we all walk under the same umbrella 
Maybe
Just maybe we would
Walk a little slower
Snuggle a little closer
Stay a lot dryer
Keep a lot warmer
Feel so much less lonely 
BE SO MUCH BETTER. . .

You have the utmost capacity
to prove the
GREATEST SHELTER
is the
E A C H
to the
O T H E R
( DO IT )

A LIVING PRAYER

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A LIVING PRAYER NEVER NEEDS TO BE SPOKEN OR PRAYED
SO MUCH AS EXPERIENCED AND SHARED
. . .Some transcend and do both
at the same time
like Rick,
my friend/colleague’s
honest scribbled prayer:

Rick proves that it doesn’t matter how you long you’ve been a hospice nurse so much as HOW and THAT you are a person of Caring; Rick’s prayer shows how it encapsulates anybody who is any kind of a caregiver in any capacity. He did for us what sometimes we can’t do for ourselves or others; he made sure that we could experience what our hearts shout and our mouths can’t begin to whisper and he put words to them. 
Can it actually be that simple:
KINDNESS/COMPASSION PERSONIFIED
It requires mostly just showing up. . .
We usually muck it up by calling
THE SHOWING UP
different things like
PRESENCE
or
SHARING SPACE
or
TONGLEN
— sadly just by labeling it,
naming it,
we incapacitate it;
we kind of negate it
because all of those things mean much more
than the words they try to define. . .
In fact, words can’t define them at all
but our actions do.  . .
There is no special training required,
certificates earned,
licenses obtained~~
nor neither is there any special equipment
tools
procedures
or how-to’s~~
just a willingness to be with another person
maybe when no one else can
or maybe even wants. . .
When you bring that kind of
WANT-TO
to Another,
you bring them much more than
prescriptions
injections
procedures
therapies
interventions
or plans of care. . .
Literally, by sharing your breath
by sharing your heartbeat
to One’s who no longer have the strength
or the ability to use their own,
you give what can’t be received
any other way
or by any other ways. . .
Self to Selves. . .
is more than some catchy call to action
at it’s very least
and way past it’s utmost best
BEING WITH ANOTHER
is a holy, hallowed act
that’s a religion unto itself
that never needs Words
Creeds
special holy days
Fasts
or a bowed head
with lightly shut eyes. . .
It only beckons
not merely
for open-eyed prayers
but a LIVING ONE. . .
Y O U R S
And here’s the secret:
WE ALL POSSESS IT
we just don’t always choose to
utilize
SHARE
i t
BEING
s h a r i n g
A Living Prayer makes all the difference in this world
and the one that is ever unfolding before all of us
in a blink of the eye quickness

A LIVING PRAYER NEVER NEEDS TO BE SPOKEN OR PRAYED
SO MUCH AS EXPERIENCED AND SHARED
SEE
BE
FREE
THAT in you;
in me
I PRAY. . .
A M E N

KINDNESS/HAPPINESS Factor

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N O W
is far past the time
for our
W O R D S
to BE
more than
S A I D. . .
and when they DO
THE KINDNESS/HAPPINESS FACTOR
comes to be. . .

How Kindness Fits Into a Happy Life

A new analysis of decades of research shows that when we are kind to others, we are healthier and happier. . .

 JILL SUTTIE, a freelance jounalist for GREATER GOOD shares with us what we most likely have suspect and now, hopefully more EXPERIENCED than ever before. . .and none to soon. . .

We all know that it’s good to be kind to others. Kindness is an important virtue for sustaining relationships, which helps to build a trusting and cooperative society. 

You may have also heard that kindness makes you happier and healthier. But what does that mean for you? What acts of kindness will make us happiest, and who tends to benefit the most? 

A newly published review of decades of kindness research provides some answers.

In this paper, researchers analyzed the results from 126 research articles looking at almost 200,000 participants from around the world. The studies they chose all had to meet certain criteria, such as including only adults and reporting good statistical data; some were experiments, where people did a kindness practice to observe its effects, while others just surveyed people about how kind and happy they were. The studies measured well-being in a variety of ways, including both mental and physical health.

As expected, people who were kind tended to have higher well-being. Lead researcher Bryant Hui was surprised the relationship was not stronger than it was, but he was still encouraged by the results.

“Although the overall relationship between prosocial (kind and helpful) behavior and well-being is weak, given that so many people around the world act prosocially, the modest effect can still have a significant impact at a societal level,” he says.

A small effect like this—an average of all the participants’ experiences—can sometimes hide other patterns going on below the surface. So, he and his colleagues considered when kindness might have a bigger impact on our well-being.

One thing they found was that people who performed random, informal acts of kindness, like bringing a meal to a grieving friend, tended to be happier than people who performed more formal acts of kindness, like volunteering in a soup kitchen. It’s possible that informal helping may fill our more basic psychological needs for autonomy and close relationships, which is why it could lead to greater happiness.

The researchers also found that people who were kind tended to be higher in “eudaimonic happiness” (a sense of meaning and purpose in life) more than “hedonic happiness” (a sense of pleasure and comfort). Perhaps this makes sense, given that being kind involves effort, which takes away from comfort but could make people feel better about themselves and their abilities, which would provide a sense of meaning.

Being kind came with greater eudaimonic happiness for women than for men, too. According to Hui, this could be because, in many cultures, women are expected to be kinder than men; so, they may have more to gain from it. And younger participants experienced more happiness when they were kind than older participants, perhaps for developmental reasons, he says. Younger adults are at a stage of life where they tend to be figuring out their identity and actively seeking the purpose and meaning in life that kindness can bring, less so than pleasure and comfort.

What other, specific benefits might kindness have? The researchers found that people who were kind tended to have higher self-esteem and a sense of self-efficacy. To a lesser degree, they also experienced less depression and anxiety and improved physical health—with the links to health being strongest in older adults.

Hui doesn’t know for sure why acting kind might have these different effects on different groups, but he points to theories put forth by researcher Elizabeth Midlarsky: Being kind may make us feel better about ourselves as a person or about the meaning of our lives, confirm our self-competence, distract us from our own troubles and stressors, give us a warm-glow feeling, or help us be more socially connected with others. All of these could potentially improve our well-being—reducing our stress, improving our mood, or providing community—and they could hold more importance at different stages of life, too.

By understanding the connection between kindness and well-being, Hui thinks researchers can design better studies that take into account all of the relevant factors, and innovators could create more effective kindness practices. In the future, he hopes there will be kindness apps or online programs that could reach more people, generating a larger impact around the world.

In the meantime, Hui says, the biggest take-home from his research is something he heard the Dalai Lama say long ago: “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

“Helping others is a universal virtue and a very affordable and economic way to benefit others’ and our own well-being,” he says. “As the saying goes, helping others is helping yourself.”

Want to start a
HAPPINESS TSUNAMI?
It’s really much easier than you think
and the results are
I N S T A N E O U S
Be your own
petrie dish
Be your own
Evidence-base-data
PAY IT BEHIND
. . .seriously. . .
go through any
DRIVE-THRU
and pay for the person behind you
you’ll not only feed or hydrate
(or caffeinate like I usually do through Starbucks)
but you’ll get an extra jolt too. . .
IS IT REALLY JUST THIS SIMPLE:

Test Drive
THE KINDNESS/HAPPINESS FACTOR

A Forever Valentine’s Day

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A B S U R D
A VALENTINE’S DAY CHRISTMAS TREE
o r. . .
A Reality we should all be making true
not EVERY once in a while but
EVERY DAY. . .

Here’s to Valentine’s Day
never being just a day and
YOU PROVING IT. . .
if you want to be a part of
making the UN-REAL,
ULTRA-REAL
then you’ll enjoy these stories Sara Aridi, a staff editor on the Home team, where she produces the home screen and mobile app. She joined The Times in 2016. 

Witnessing Kindness and Love in Unexpected Places

Ahead of Valentine’s Day, and now way past it, we asked readers to share moments when they stumbled upon acts of affection. Here are some of their stories.

Credit…Nadia Hafid

Has this happened to you? You’re going about your day, minding your business. Then you suddenly spot a caring interaction that lifts your spirits, like a couple embracing or a stranger lending a hand to another.

These days, the world could use a pick-me-up. Ahead of Valentine’s Day, we asked readers to share when they unexpectedly witnessed an act of love or kindness. More than 100 readers wrote in with stories of affection, from years ago or just recently. Here are a select few, edited and condensed for clarity.

I’ve been walking in my local park more often. My heart has been moved by two friends who meet every morning. They are male and likely in their mid-80s. They arrive separately, each with coffee and a Dunkin’ Donuts bag. They sit on adjoining benches, six feet apart. One doesn’t start his coffee until the other is there. They aren’t particularly talkative with others in the park — I’ve tried. Their focus is on one another.

— Grace E. Curley, Boston

My 90-pound Bernese mountain dog, Lilly, has a neurological problem that makes her fall down. This causes her great distress. My golden retriever, Katie, came over to Lilly this morning after she had fallen, and licked her on the lips. Then she took a nap and snuggled against her canine sister.

— Penny Nemzer, Greenwich, Conn.

After months of staying at home, my 2-year-old son was not excited to be around strangers. That changed when he started day care. One of the first friends he made was Dennis, a construction worker who works near his school. Dennis often gives a high-five and a fist bump before my son lists all the new words he’s learned. He looks forward to this interaction every day, and Dennis never disappoints: He is always there with a big, welcoming smile.

— Smita Jayaram, Jersey City, N.J.

As the morning bell rings, one of my Grade 3 students would enter the school lobby holding his younger brother’s hand. My student would carefully help his brother remove his mittens and unzip his jacket. Then he would tenderly kiss the top of his head before they split up for their own classrooms. Such a loving and responsible gesture.

— Sheila Bean, Calgary, Alberta

Riding the bus years ago, I noticed a young man suddenly stiffen and slide sideways from his seat, stricken with a seizure. The passengers grew silent. We were concerned, flustered. The driver radioed for help and pulled over. Then a woman sat on the floor beside the young man. Humming quietly, she began stroking his hands. We all got off the bus, but the woman and boy stayed together. Her hum became a quiet song as they waited for his spasms to end.

— Tracy Huddleson, Garden Valley, Calif.

I have a balance problem after an operation on a brain aneurysm affected my ability to do certain things like bending or looking sideways. One day while walking with a stick through the city, I realized that my shoelace was undone. I just kept walking. Suddenly a young woman stopped. “Hey,” she said, “your shoelace is undone. Here, let me do it up in case you trip.” She tied the shoelace, smiled and walked on.

— Carol Lange, Oxford, England

I was 6 years old and spending the night at my grandparents’. While I was sitting on the porch, a couple walked past. The man reached down and plucked one of my grandmother’s tulips out of the garden and gave it to his lady love. I was outraged and ran into the house, yelling that someone had “stolen” one of my grandmother’s flowers. She calmed me down, held my hand and said, “That’s what flowers are for.”

— Clare Poth, Buffalo

I was walking to the post office. An older, masked couple walked slowly on the other side of the street. During the pandemic, people walk fast, avoid contact and try to get their things done quickly. For a moment, the couple stopped. They kissed through their masks and continued walking. It gave me some hope, that even in these times, love and human connection prevail.

— Susi Reichenbach, Brussels

We were at the beach on Martha’s Vineyard. The sun was bright coral and hanging over the horizon. Just as it was about to set, there was a commotion a few yards in front of us. A young man had just proposed to his partner, and everyone around them just turned to watch them take the first step into their new lives.

— Harriet Bernstein, West Tisbury, Mass.

When I was little, my parents and I flew to Seattle often to visit their friends. Once, while at the airport, I saw what I presumed to be a husband and wife embrace, kiss and tearfully say goodbye. That surprised me. My parents had just divorced and had never been overly affectionate. I think about that couple often.

— Margaret Anne Doran, Charlottesville, Va.

I was standing in a crowded subway train, facing a woman who was sitting. I was going through a terrible week. I was exhausted and overcome with emotion. All of a sudden, I started to cry. It almost didn’t occur to me that anyone could see me. But the seated woman did, and she handed me a tissue without saying anything except for giving me a comforting, knowing look.

— Nicole Shaub, Boerum Hill, Brooklyn

My mother often traveled for work when I was in high school. She could be away for weeks at a time. During one of her trips, I wandered into my parents’ room. My father was smelling one of her scarves. Blushingly, he put it down and said, “I was just missing your mother.”

— Sarah Hughes, Rockville, Md.

While I was driving, something up ahead brought everyone to a standstill. There was restlessness and frustrated honking. But when the cars in front of me moved into the next lane, I saw that a woman in one car was repeatedly stopping, getting out, grabbing brown-bag lunches and distributing them to the many homeless people on the side of the road. She offered them conversation, care and warmth, and seemed not to care about the frazzled drivers behind her.

— Sam Alviani, Denver

Several years ago, I was walking in the East Village when a biker got clipped by a car. The biker was hurt and bleeding, and the car drove away. Within seconds, dozens of New Yorkers sprang into action. Several people ran down the street to note the car’s license plate number. A ring of people surrounded the biker to administer first aid, ripping off sweatshirts to stanch the bleeding. In under two minutes, ambulances and police cars had arrived on the scene. There was not a second of chaos. It was a beautiful ballet of competence and confidence. New Yorkers care for each other.

— Elizabeth Brus, Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

We’re back in school, and we’re at choir rehearsal. Scrupulously adhering to guidelines, my students are singing outdoors, in masks, 10 feet apart. It’s January in New England, 34 degrees and overcast with an icy breeze.

Two high school senior boys, young men now, members of the choir I direct, inseparable since forever and never silent in rehearsal until Zoom muted them, chatted and laughed and danced together unselfconsciously between singing verses of “Bridge Over Troubled Water.”

They look like there’s nowhere in the world they would rather be.

— Scott Halligan, Longmeadow, Mass. 

As I was headed to the drugstore, a high school-aged boy walked out carrying a bouquet of yellow daffodils. Someone yelled from across the street: “Are you looking to get lucky?” He answered: “No, I think I’m in love!” This happened probably 40 years ago, and I still think about it.

— Sallie Wolf, Oak Park, Ill.

Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:

If you’re looking for
L o V e
as a certain Shape, Texture, or Color
you risk missing it–
D O N ‘ T. . .

Every time Love comes showing up
all full bloom and neatly arranged

It has a not so pretty side
that shows off all of the flaws
and the scars
that almost makes you forget
the other side. . .
a not-so-subtle-reminder
that sometimes
LOVE AT ITS BEST
ain’t all that pretty or proper
but nonetheless powerful. . .

Brene Brown
will remind you
it’s not for the weak of heart
but for the Hearts of the Weak. . .
and what makes it as palpable as a heart beat
and more necessary than your next breath
is that it always answers
The Question:

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. . .
that’s not only when it gets good
it’s what makes
VALENTINE’S DAY
EVERY DAY
( PROVE IT )

IN THE MIDDLE

By Leave a Comment

https://youtu.be/JVSx_4PWVWk

Somehow
someway
the more or the less
always has a way of equaling
E N O U G H
It’s never so much the
middle ground
or maybe even the
common ground
recognizing the
Ground Zero
. . .And it’s never where we are not
which makes us all exactly where we need to be
NOW
in the seldom explored 
Land of Enough
Where GPS is not necessary,
Compasses  not needed
And finding a way
Is THE WAY
that leads us all home
Not a destination
Not a street address
Not to a specific place
But an undeniable FEELING
to let you know you’ve never been safer
And more UN-ALONE

N O W
that’s a Ride
that’ll take you down any road you’ve ever been on
and some you’ve yet to imagine
let alone travel. . .

A BUD NOT FOR YOU

By Leave a Comment

https://youtu.be/WDvNUJUVmGk

This year’s SUPER BOWL
is literally just hours of being OVER
and out of all of the Commercials
THAT WERE
maybe the one that got the biggest news was the
ONE THAT WASN’T. . .

Wait. . .WHAT. . .NOT seeing a Budweiser commercial during the Super Bowl — here’s why

Story at a glanceAnheuser-Busch actually didn’t release a dedicated Budweiser Super Bowl ad for the first time in 37 years.

​The company instead focused on promoting vaccine awareness and distribution efforts, as well as the ideas of togetherness and connection.

​Anheuser-Busch recently announced a $1 billion dollar investment to support jobs and ramp up sustainability efforts.

​For the first time since 1983, Anheuser-Busch has made the tough decision to forgo airing a Budweiser commercial during the Super Bowl. Instead, the company has decided to focus its efforts on coronavirus vaccination awareness efforts, dedicating $1 million to educational work being done by the Ad Council.

Anheuser-Busch didn’t completely pull out of the big game, though. Cesar Vargas, their U.S. Chief External Affairs Officer, tells Changing America that the company aired its first-ever corporate ad during the game that was more about the connections that form when you crack a cold one, not just about the beer itself. Vargas also told us that the company has a pretty big announcement to share with the world.

“We, like everybody else, have been managing through a very challenging year,” said Vargas. “The pandemic has had a huge impact on everybody personally, professionally. But we’re kind of getting to that stage now where there’s reason to be optimistic, and as we have managed our business throughout this crisis we’ve focused on three clear priority areas.

“The first is our people, meaning our employees, making sure that they always had the resources they needed to stay safe and healthy, then our partners and our supply chain, and then the third area is stepping up to bring in our unique capabilities, assets, relationships and reach to help our communities, where we live and work, get through this crisis as well. So, as we look forward, the next stage for us is to help play a leading role in this country’s recovery.”

The first stage in their plan is giving up their coveted Super Bowl spot, donating a percentage of its advertising airtime to the Ad Council and Covid Collaborative’s Vaccine Education Initiative, to which it will also provide additional campaigns throughout the upcoming year. Instead, the brand had released a digital spot focused on the resilient people and their connections in the United States, as well as a group of health care professionals receiving some of the first doses of the COVID-19 vaccine. The spot is narrated by actress Rashida Jones.

Our country is in a historic fight against the Coronavirus.

Airing during the Super Bowl was tbe Anheuser-Busch’s first-ever corporate sponsored ad, not focused on promoting a single product line or brand but really just celebrating the idea of togetherness. Produced by Academy Award nominee David Fincher, the spot attempts to capture the feeling of uniting over a simple beer — whether for the happy moments, the sad, or those in between.

“Beer is always there, but it’s really the moments and the people that matter. I think this television commercial will kind of bring that to life a little bit, and I think that that message has never been more important than it is today, given where we are as a country, and then as we think about getting kind of to a better place following a very difficult year,” said Vargas.

Next in their grand plan is the significant investment of more than $1 billion over the next two years.

“The purpose of that investment is to drive economic prosperity in our communities, enable more sustainable innovations and have the effect of protecting the more than 2 million people that rely on the beer industry for their livelihoods,” he said.

“We’re an important industry,” he said. “We have the kind of reach, the kind of impact and the kind of footprint that allows us to make a big impact when you think about job creation and driving economic growth, which is going to be a fundamental element as we recover as a country. That’s why we’re gonna step up and do just that with this new $1 billion planned investment.”

Vargas told Changing America that Anheuser-Busch is “actively exploring if there’s any way we can be helpful” regarding vaccine distribution, and that of the $1 billion that’s to be invested over the next two years nearly $100 million will go towards sustainability projects such as solar panel installments and water treatment technology.

“I think the neat thing about this investment plan is the breadth. So it’s not just one facility where we’re going to go build something — we’re going to try to have an impact in as many communities as possible. We operate more than 120 facilities across the United States, and a good number of those facilities are going to be receiving some of this investment support so that we can have as broad of an impact as possible.”

BIG DEAL, huh?
. . .well not really unless
it made you go all
SELF-REFLECTIVE

a n d
realize

A Good Beginning
maybe isn’t by going all
BUDWEISER
on someone
but truly
G I V I N G
in a way that far exceeds
$ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $
(no this might cost you much more than a yearly paycheck)
by
E X A M P L E
(YOUR’S)
Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
THIS BUD’S NOT FOR YOU
. . .It’s for EVERYONE
we just don’t always do our part
to make that possible
. . .and as Budweiser
not so subtly suggested
IT AIN’T ABOUT THE BEER!
C H E E R S

Professional Speaker, Author, Assurance Man