I want to live in a World
where it’s
C H R I S T M A S
m o s t
WHEN IT ISN’T
where
PEACE ON EARTH
isn’t a dream
where
GOODWILL
is standard
where
PRESENTS
aren’t so much given
as GIVEN
where
my Best
becomes your BETTER
where
words don’t describe
but our ACTIONS do
where
SILENT NIGHT
shouts
what a heart beats
and a mouth can’t begin to whisper
where
______________
we fill in all of the blanks
where
a forever
is lived in a moment
that needs no years
or eternity
where
(oh where)
it all begins in me
but quickly
spreads infectiously to
o t h e r s
(continuously)
GIFTING
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
THE SEASON OF GIVING
(is never out of season)
Christmas is all about
J O Y . .
The Joy of being with friends and family,
The Joy of getting out there and connecting with each other,
The Joy of giving that perfect gift.
With thousands of gifts to choose from,
you’re guaranteed to bring what can never be
Wrapped up
Amazon Primed
Ordered
Hidden under a Tree
To your loved ones this Christmas. . .
This film tells the story of
J O Y
a seasonal word
that gives year long
f l a v o r
and her bottomless bag of gifts,
fitting for every occasion
revealing the everlasting truth
THE SOUND OF A RING
Put this under the
TOO FREAKING PRESH
File:
The other day as I was leaving a patient’s house
the husband was walking me out the front door
and he showed me his wedding ring.
“We’ve taken our wedding rings off 639 times…The first of every month celebrating our anniversary. And then we put each others on and say, ‘with this ring I thee wed.’
They’ve been married 53 yrs and 3 months.
DID YOU HEAR THE SOUND OF THE RING
It’s the sound that could never be replicated from
a phone
a bell
a song
a computer generated video. . .
A RING
way too distinct for any of those other
RINGS
but once seen
e x p e r i e n c e d
YOU NEVER FORGET THE SOUND
The tears in his eyes
ran down my cheeks
as I drove away. . .
The Lesson:
HIS LOVE HAS LIFE!
And now. . .
so does mine!
(o u r s)
THAT…DO THAT
The special things we do
can’t be wrapped
come from Amazon
can’t be found under a tree. . .
And most of the time
these very things
come with great sacrifice
and a cost that doesn’t have a
$ $ $ sign
in front of it. . .
DO THAT
Make THAT
more than a Season
Make THAT
a Lifestyle
(A For An Ever Lifestyle)
that’ll top any tree. . .
SNAP SHOTTED
11 years ago I was standing in the hallway at Malachi House,
a beautiful Sanctuary for the terminally ill
and after visiting a patient I saw this picture.
I was interested by it
and it also reminded me of a good friend, Michael Reardon,
who travels the world portraying the gospels
And actually becoming the living Word
making it become flesh
in front of all of his audiences and friends,
so I snapped a picture from my
Iphone and the picture I took
and the picture I saw
were two different ones. . .
Most of the time they
are, huh?
I loved the fact that without trying to
‘snap’ this shot,
I got quite another one that my
mind’s eye
never imagined and now,
my soul
won’t forget!
How very, very telling
and more,
humbly fitting. . .
And now here we are
11 years later
because it popped up on a memory from a Facebook post
it lets me relive that moment
and rekindle that friendship
all over again.
It also remind me
that we are so very much more
in the snap shots
that we take
remembered from a single incident
that makes up our lives.
SO MUCH MORE
What snapshot in your life comes in the view from a day ago 10 years ago maybe even 20 that’s more alive right now than maybe what it was when the picture was first taken?
Snap away.
Capture.
Share those of your life
since they become a part of another’s life as well. . .
At its best
that is the purest definition of living
and never just having
L I V E D
REMINISCENCE
THIS TIME OF THE YEAR
brings it out in all of us
THE ONCE UPON A TIME’S
THE REMEMBER WHEN’S
the essence of
r e m i n i s e n c e. . .
And it is
awesomely good
and can actually get better:
Five Ways Nostalgia Can Improve Your Well-Being
Some recent studies suggest that experiencing nostalgia about our past can make us happier and more resilient during times of stress. . .
We often find ourselves nostalgic for days gone by—especially my young adulthood. Thinking about days of once upon a time’s and remember when’s we always still want to be apart and never far apart from.that gives us a bittersweet feeling—a mixture of joy, sadness, and longing.
While we find nostalgia pleasant overall and even inspiring, doctors and psychologists did not always consider it a good thing. Staying “stuck in the past” was often associated with being unable to adjust to new realities, like when soldiers were nostalgic for their faraway homes and experienced loneliness and dread. Not that long ago, some considered nostalgia to be a mental illness, akin to melancholy, which could lead to anxiety, depression, and sleep disorders.
But more recent findings on nostalgia suggest it can be good for us, increasing our well-being, making us feel connected to other people, and giving us a sense of continuity in our lives. And it seems to come on naturally when we need to weather life’s difficulties. Rather than being a problem, nostalgia can help bring happiness and meaning to our lives.
Here are some of the ways nostalgia can benefit us, according to science.
Nostalgia makes us feel socially connected
Nostalgia about our past often includes recalling important people in our lives—people who cared about us and made us feel like we belonged. Certainly, our own nostalgic musings are centered around times when we were with the people and places we love. So, it’s not too surprising that recalling these special times would make us feel more connected to others, in general.
In one study, researchers found that people who were asked to write about an event from their past that made them feel “sentimental longing for the past” felt loved and supported, and this, in turn, helped buffer them against loneliness. Another study found that when people felt nostalgic about times in their lives when they interacted with members of an “out-group”—for example, teenagers recalling fun times with older adults—they felt less prejudice toward that group.
Nostalgia also seems to help us maintain our relationships. For example, one study found that inducing nostalgia helped people feel more optimistic about relationships in general and more willing to connect with friends. Another study found that when induced to feel nostalgia, people (especially those who find connecting with others easier) felt more able to offer emotional support to the people in their lives.
Nostalgia helps us find meaning in life
A sense of meaning in life involves knowing that your existence matters and that your life has coherence or purpose. It’s something we all strive for in one way or another.
Fortunately, research suggests nostalgia can be an important resource for increasing meaning, by highlighting central moments in our lives and giving us a sense of continuity.
In one study, researchers compared nostalgia to two seemingly related forms of thinking about one’s life: recalling a positive past event or imagining a desired future. Focusing on an event that made them nostalgic led people to feel their lives had more meaning compared to imagining a desirable future. And, compared to both other reflections, feeling nostalgic reduced people’s need to search for meaning in their lives—they already felt life had meaning.
In another study, people either listened to music that brought them back to a particular time or read lyrics to old songs. These nostalgic activities not only made them feel loved and socially connected but also increased their sense of meaning in life. And, when people read an essay that encouraged them to think that life had no meaning—which said, “There are approximately 7 billion people living on this planet. So take a moment to ponder the following question: In the grand scheme of things, how significant are you?”—they naturally turned to feelings of nostalgia for relief from that sense of meaninglessness.
These findings and others suggest that nostalgia not only heightens your sense of meaning in life, but can act as a buffer when you experience a loss of meaning. And it may help you move forward in life, too. As one study found, nostalgia can increase your motivation to pursue important life goals, because it increases meaning—not just because it puts you in a better mood.
Nostalgia can make us happier
Though it does seem to do just that—to boost our mood. Even though nostalgia is by definition a blend of positive and negative emotion, the positive tends to outweigh the negative, meaning we feel happier overall.
In one very recent study, 176 university students were randomly assigned to a six-week nostalgia program where they were asked weekly to write about a past event that brought on “a sentimental longing for the past” (while a control group wrote about past events that were ordinary). Afterward, they reported on their levels of positive and negative emotions and how much the writing provided a sense of social connection, meaning, or connection to their past self. At different points in time, they also reported on their life satisfaction, feelings of vitality, and well-being.
A lot of the benefits on happiness may be connected to nostalgia’s effects on social connection and meaning. But it could also be that nostalgia helps us see ourselves in a truer, more authentic light.
Nostalgia puts us in touch with our authentic selves
When thinking nostalgically about our past, we are the prime protagonists in our own life stories. Perhaps because of this, nostalgia helps us to see our lives as continuous and coherent, providing us with a sense of authenticity.
In one study, when primed to feel nostalgic by writing about a time in their past, people saw their past self as an authentic representation of themselves. This, in turn, reduced their focus on meeting the expectations of others versus following their own, intrinsic expectations of themselves. In other words, it helped them be their authentic selves.
The researchers also studied how threats to one’s sense of self might make people engage in more nostalgia. Half of the participants read this text: “Many people feel that they have two sides to themselves. One side is the person that they show to other people; the other side is their true self—that is, the person who they truly are deep down.” Then, they wrote about times in their lives when they’d found it hard to reveal their real selves to others. The other half of the participants wrote about their daily routines and when those routines were disrupted. Then, both groups reported on their positive and negative emotions, as well as feelings of nostalgia.
Findings showed that people who focused on threats to their self-concept experienced more negative emotions, and in turn felt more nostalgic. This suggests that nostalgia helps put us in touch with our “real selves” and protects us against threats to our authenticity.
Perhaps for this reason, engaging in nostalgia can lead to personal growth. At least one study found that feeling nostalgia made people feel more positively about themselves, which, in turn, made them more open to experiencing new things, expanding their horizons, and being curious—all signs of psychological health.
Nostalgia may help people who feel disillusioned or depressed
Perhaps because of these potential benefits, people tend to engage in nostalgia when they are feeling down, lonely, or disillusioned. Many studies have found that nostalgia seems to protect people from negative mind states, bringing about a kind of emotional homeostasis.
Of course, that doesn’t mean that nostalgia is always good or can’t have a downside. If nostalgia makes us spend too much time thinking about our past, it may prevent us from recognizing the joy in our lives right here and now. And, since we tend to engage in nostalgia when negative things occur, it could become an avoidance strategy that keeps us from dealing with present problems in more effective ways.
Encouraging groups of people to feel nostalgic could also have negative consequences. For example, one study found that nostalgia made people more likely to believe political claims, regardless of their veracity. Inducing nostalgia could be an advertising ploy used to affect consumer behavior, which could lead to poor choices, too.
Still, chances are that nostalgia is more a blessing than a curse, and a winning strategy for feeling better about ourselves. It can increase our connection to others, our sense of meaning in our lives, our authenticity, and our happiness. So, why not tune into nostalgia now and then? It may just help you meet the challenges of the moment.
So the next time you’re tempted to go down
MEMORY LANE
settle in
buckle up
enjoy the ride
and make sure
someone’s sitting in the
passenger seat
someone
to make some more
m e m o r i e s
because our greatest memories
just might be the ones
we’ve yet to create
which is always the hope
of any day
or holiday
looming before us. . .
E N J O Y
GIVE ME, GIVE ME, GIVE ME
Thoreau once said,
“IF YOU HAVE BUILT CASTLES IN THE AIR;
YOUR WORK NEED NOT BE LOST;
THAT IS WHERE THEY SHOULD BE.
NOW PUT THE FOUNDATION UNDER THEM.”
GIVE ME, GIVE ME, GIVE ME,
Eyes that see
what they don’t always notice
Ears that hear
what is not always said
A Heart that beats
for someone, something, other than me
Hands that extend
not so much to receive as to give and comfort
Paths that lead
to places I would never choose but need to be
Truths that I’ve refused to consider
Meaning to the seemingly meaninglessness
Food that nourishes
more than just my body
Water that quenches
all thirsts
Breaths that require
no air
Peace that banishes
all war, conflict, unrest
internal, external, eternal
Unconditional love
without hints of the conditionals
Diseases that
lead to healings
Pockets full of change
that are changeless
Time that never has to be traveled
behind or ahead and appreciated for its
eternal Now
Answers to all of the
why’s, what-for’s, how-come’s
Beginnings with no ends
Moments past Forever’s
Prayers that never need
praying only realizing
__________________because there are
endless__________________that’ll be innumerable
GIVE ME, GIVE ME, GIVE ME
EMPATHY, STAT!
QUESTION:
IF WE ALL NEED IT
IF WE ALL WANT IT
IF WE ALL POSSESS IT
WHY
WHY
WHY
is there a shortage of
E M P A T H Y
? ? ?
The World is in need of so very much
right now
and we may well find out
that pandemics
vaccines
boosters
and interventions
come and go
but
e m p a t h y
is still in need
of being
g i v e n
r e c e i v e d
For a More Empathic World,
People Have to Choose Empathy. . .
Can it be
that simple. . . ?
Most people know how to feel others’ pain, But they have to be motivated to do it. . .
ELIZABETH SVOBODA a freelance journalist for GREATER GOO, took a deeper look into this EMPATHY phenomena that hopefully, in just a blog post can help us all be a little bit better Caring Catalyst’s JUST BECAUSE!
In the late 1990s, Najah Bazzy, a nurse in Dearborn, Michigan, made a house call to an Iraqi refugee family to check on their premature baby. When she arrived, she was shocked by how barren their home looked. The family had almost nothing: no stove, no fridge. The adults slept on the carpet. The baby—who’d gone home on a ventilator—was in a laundry basket, wrapped up in a towel.
Viscerally feeling the family’s hardship, Bazzy swung into action. She collected her relatives’ extra appliances and household goods and dropped them off that same day. But the impact of her house call lingered much longer. As Bazzy reflected on the widespread poverty in her city, she promised herself she’d work to spare other families the pain she’d witnessed.
We tend to think about empathy as an automatic response, like a parachute that deploys when we see someone in distress. But a new study suggests that while most of us have the capacity to feel other people’s pain, we are more inclined to exercise that capacity when we have the desire to do so, as Bazzy did.
That means focusing on this desire—our motivation to understand other people’s emotions and perspectives—could be an important way to awaken our own empathy and promote a more empathic society.
The empathy reflex
Empathy sometimes feels as instinctive and immediate as pulling your hand back from a hot stove. “When we see a stroke aimed and just ready to fall on the leg or arm of another person,” philosopher Adam Smith wrote in 1790, “we naturally shrink back our own leg or our own arm.” This can seem like a very primal phenomenon. After all, when a child starts crying, others as young as one or two may join in.
But while empathy can activate in hair-trigger fashion, this activation is by no means guaranteed. Your response to a hungry person crouched on the sidewalk, or to a struggling refugee family, depends on a number of factors: What is your own past history? What does the person in need look like? Who else is with you, and how are they reacting to what they see?
In attempting to help people grow their empathy, past empathy training programs have tended to gloss over such situational factors. Instead, they’ve focused on strengthening people’s emotional acumen by teaching skills like “perspective taking”—training students to see things from someone else’s point of view—or how to pick up on others’ emotions. However, follow-up studies of these programs sometimes show that their impact fades over time.
“The idea that all empathy interventions need to bolster skills is an oversight,” says Harvard University psychologist Erika Weisz. “Most people already have those skills.”
But she’s noticed that people choose not to use them in certain situations. A Boston Red Sox fan might be capable of empathizing with a New York Yankees jersey-wearer, but in the midst of a three-run Red Sox streak, the Bostonian might not feel inclined to share in the New Yorker’s anguish.
In their new study, Weisz and her colleagues focused on instilling empathy by boosting people’s motivation to identify with others. The results were striking: When researchers fueled students’ desire to empathize, the students were more accurate at pinpointing what others were feeling two months later. Some of them also reported making more close friends.
Amping up motivation
Weisz and her team, including Stanford University psychologist Jamil Zaki, recruited college freshmen, who naturally have their antennae perked to the social nuances of their environment. “When students get to campus, they have this huge spike in openness to experience,” Weisz says. “We were in a good position to see how motivation works in the wild.”
The team tested three different ways to increase students’ motivation to empathize with others. In one study, participants read a letter that was allegedly from a freshman having a hard time adjusting to high school. They were then advised to write back and tell the freshman that they could work on building up their empathy—and that doing so would help them connect with their classmates.
This setup encouraged letter-writers to embrace the concept that empathy can be strengthened, Weisz explains. “When we ask a participant to endorse a statement to another person, they tend to endorse those beliefs themselves.” That, in turn, could boost their motivation to brush up on their empathy, because they believe their efforts will pay off.
In another study, the researchers gave students reading material that promoted empathy as a social norm, including testimonials from other students about the importance of empathy in their lives. Participants then wrote letters to high school freshmen that stressed how empathy was normal, promoted, and expected in their community. A third group of students, the “combined” group, took part in an activity that blended elements of the first two exercises, and a control group simply wrote letters addressing students’ academic challenges.
The results supported Weisz’s hunch that ratcheting up people’s motivation would strengthen their empathy. Participants in each study showed higher accuracy when asked to describe what people who spoke in a video were feeling, compared to the control group. These effects were “sticky,” as Weisz puts it, lasting for at least eight weeks after the studies ended.
Members of the combined group also reported making more close friends at college, possibly due to their empathic savvy—something Weisz says may set them up for success later in life. “Having that level of social integration is really important. It predicts all sorts of outcomes for well-being,” she says.
How desire drives empathy
Getting motivated to feel someone’s pain doesn’t necessarily involve thinking to yourself, “My friends understand what this person is feeling, so I’ll try to do so,” or “I can strengthen my own empathy, so I definitely should.” Like other kinds of influence, motivation often operates on an unconscious level, shaping our priorities in profound ways over time.
Bazzy’s life trajectory illustrates how this can work. Her hometown of Dearborn, near Detroit, was rich with refugees from different countries who were always ready to help one another. “Neighbors sat on the front porch and they shared food. Children would go from house to house,” Bazzy told CNN’s Kathleen Toner. “And just the amount of care that people had for each other—this is where I learned to love my neighbor.”
Like the people in Weisz’s study, Bazzy absorbed social norms that put a high value on empathy, motivating her to do the same. Other research suggests that social influences, especially early ones, can seamlessly promote this kind of value structure. In a seminal study of Holocaust rescuers, those who saved people from the Nazis often had compassionate role models within their families, which helped awaken their desire to serve others.
When the time was right, that deep-rooted motivation inspired Bazzy to serve her community on a larger scale. Helping the struggling refugee family and their premature baby reminded Bazzy of just how many people were in similar straits, and in 2004, she formally established a nonprofit called Zaman International to serve families in poverty all over metro Detroit. To date, Zaman has delivered essentials like furniture, food, and job training to over 250,000 people.
How to inspire empathy
Having demonstrated that motivation can influence empathy, Weisz, Zaki, and their colleagues are thinking about how this finding could improve empathy training programs. One of the keys, Weisz says, will be for program designers to take participants’ unique needs and desires into account. An effective workplace empathy course will probably look quite different from one designed for college students; what works will depend on what drives people’s motivations in each case.
If young employees at a startup are anxious to please their bosses, those bosses could focus on sending the clear message—through actions as well as words—that they value empathy in the workers they oversee. If a group of doctors pride themselves on being the best at what they do, facilitators could point out that patients with empathic doctors have better health, which reflects well on the doctors. And because middle schoolers are so attuned to their friends’ choices, Weisz has experimented with showing seventh-graders videos of their peers talking about the benefits of empathy.
“This approach holds promise to complement skill-building and create a menu of empathy-enhancing options that are tailored to people’s needs,” says Zaki.
Weisz’s study results also lend insight into how we can motivate our own empathy in various contexts, from volunteering to rescuing someone in dire straits. When you surround yourself with others who consider empathy a cardinal virtue, that social norm will likely start to rub off on you, as it did on the students in Weisz’s trials. And when you believe you can hone your empathic savvy through effort—a “growth mindset” approach to empathy—you’ll be more inclined to do it.
“People are excited and invested to increase their empathy if they think they can,” Weisz says. “A lot of people think of empathy as a static trait. Targeting motivations imparts lasting changes.”
TRUE OR FALSE
Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
The only way to truly answer this
un-mathematical equation
is to
SHOW YOUR WORK
. . .NOW
is no time to talk of
e m p a t h y
IT IS TIME
to be
EMPATHY
(STAT)
F R I T T E R I N G
We all do it
. . .in fact,
it may be the one thing that every single one of us are
E X P E R T S:
F R I T T E R I N G
SOMETIMES BEING ALL THINGS TO ALL PEOPLE
MEANS BEING NOTHING
TO NO ONE. . .
We are all so busy
DOING THE BUSY
that we let the
PRECIOUS
slip us by
without much noticing it
. . .THE EXTRA of the o r d i n a r y
and then much to late
with much less than an
exhausted sigh
it’s ALL gone. . .
WE WISH FOR MUCH
but seldom for
the REALIZATION OF NOW
the RIGHT HERE
the MOMENT
the NOW
NOT TODAY
NOT EVER
as long as you ask often:
WELL. . .
What answer you
Never make a
QUESTION
what you can have as a
LIFE STYLE STATEMENT
FRITTER ON
(no more)
BUG ME
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
There is no
NATIONAL BUG ME DAY
and maybe there’ll never be
such a day
but today
right now
right here
I wanted to invite
or no pun
i n t e n d e d
PUT A BUG IN YOUR EAR
to do one simple thing:
CHECK IN WITH THAT PERSON
WHO MATTERS TO YOU
BUG’EM
. . .One you haven’t talked to in a while
BUG’EM
YOU KNOW WHO I’M TALKING ABOUT
B U Z Z
B U Z Z
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
GO BUG SOMEONE TODAY
Make someOne feel like it’s their
NATIONAL HOLIDAY
(. . .yeah, it’s that simple)
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