A LITTLE LISTENING–A LOT OF GOOD

October 25, 2023 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

Just a little listening does a lot of good
is more than a nice sentiment
and can be even better than we might be able imagine
IF WE ARE WILLING TO DO MORE OF IT. .

Where to Seek Help if the
Israel-Hamas War
Is Impacting Your Mental Health If you feel as though your mental health has been impacted by news of the ongoing conflict, help is available.Getty Images / Stock Photo
The World is literally
S C R E A M I N G
right now, but it also is giving us some resources that lets us know
the SHOUTS
are heard. . .

Time Magazine’s Mallory Moench shares with us some of these assurances that the screams and shouts are more than just noises to be heard or worse, ignored.

Since the Israel-Hamas War ignited on Oct. 7, it feels as though we’ve been bombarded online with graphic information and imagery of the horrors unfolding in the Middle East.

The war has flooded news and social media, in some cases, sowing political division. The trauma is heightened for those directly affected by the conflict, but anyone can be impacted and experience vicarious trauma. In the past couple of days, the BBC acknowledged the toll the war is taking on its staff and has offered more mental health support.

If you feel as though your mental health has been negatively impacted by the ongoing conflict, here’s who you can contact for help.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)

SAMHSA runs a Disaster Distress Helpline that is toll-free, multilingual and available 24/7 to all residents in the U.S. and its territories who are experiencing emotional distress related to natural or human-caused disasters. This includes survivors of disasters, loved ones of victims, first responders, rescue, recovery, and relief workers, clergy, parents and caregivers calling on behalf of themselves or someone else.

Each Disaster Distress Helpline Core Region Center has crisis counselors who are trained to listen and offer support to people in emotional crisis, the agency says.

You can speak with a counselor immediately by calling or texting 1-800-985-5990. For deaf and hard of hearing callers, you can call the same number from a videophone or access a video conference call online by following this link from the government website.

If you’re looking to receive mental health treatment or therapy, call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 or TTY: 1-800-487-4889. The confidential, free, 24/7 information service in English and Spanish for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups and community-based organizations.

You can also visit SAMHSA’s online treatment locator, or send your zip code via text message to 435748 to find help near you.

Crisis Text Line

Crisis Text Line is a global nonprofit organization that provides text access to a crisis counselor. It is staffed by volunteers who undergo a multi-stage application process, background check and training program, and then are supervised by staff with master’s degrees in a relevant field or commensurate crisis intervention experience, the organization says. The service is available in the U.S., U.K., Canada and Ireland.

If you’re in the U.S., text HOME to 741741 to chat with a crisis counselor, use Whatsapp or message online.

In Canada, text CONNECT to 686868. The line is jointly run with Kids Help Phone.

From the U.K. text SHOUT to 85258. Shout is an affiliate of Crisis Text Line in England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.

For Ireland, text HOME to 50808.

Find A Helpline HOW ARE YOU DOING?

No matter where you are in the world, use this search engine to find a mental health helpline by country, region and/or topic. Mental healthcare company ThroughLine, which has partnered with Google, verifies and publishes the online tool.

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)

In the U.S., you can contact NAMI’s HelpLine to communicate with a volunteer. Connect by phone 1-800-950-6264 or text “HelpLine” to 62640, or chat online. It is available Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

NAMI also publishes a resource directory where you find help online and in-person help by topic and runs local chapters where you can attend support groups in person.

Find mental health therapy online or in-person

If you’re in the U.S. and looking for more personalized and ongoing mental health therapy, it can be difficult to find or afford a therapist, especially if you don’t have health insurance.

The American Psychiatric Association runs a database where you can search for a psychiatrist near you. The American Psychological Association refers to its state chapters where you can find therapists by location, including in some states finding those working pro bono or on a sliding scale. If you don’t have insurance, the federal government recommends searching for a community health center near you that might offer free or low-cost mental healthcare.

Nonprofit nationwide network Open Path Psychotherapy Collective is another option that offers therapy at a reduced cost for people who are uninsured or underinsured. Pay a lifetime membership fee of $65, then schedule with a therapist for $40 to $70 a session, with $30 student intern sessions available. You can join the network and find a therapist online.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

. . .such an easy, simple question, yet how significant if you ask it and really listen, maybe even dig, and mostly w a i t for an answer
A N D

in some of the listening over these past 18 or so days, I’ve been hearing this one question:
WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP
the short and significant answer:
HELP SOMEONE ELSE
ANYONE ELSE
make a call
send a text
hold a hand
lend an ear
hold a door
give a gift
and yes. . .
Read More: How to Help Victims of the Israel-Hamas War
A DOING SOMETING
is more than NOTHING
that can mean an EVERYTHING
d a r e
to
p r o v e
i t. . .
S H O W
that by reaching out

you’re
TOUCHING
A WITHIN-NESS
that’s worth
c o n n e c t i n g

R I S E UP

October 23, 2023 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

M U S I C
sometimes says what needs to be felt
that can’t be experienced in any other way
. . .just like this song,
RISE UP
by Audra Day
One of the truest of truths is a lesson that this beautiful season teaches us:
WE ALL FALL DOWN

But we also know
that each of us hold’s a
L I G H T
but it’s severely questionable
of what we’re doing with it. . .

Maybe when we realize
(maybe, really for the first real time)
that your pain
is my pain
and my pain
is your pain
we can literally lift
each’s other
and
R I S E
UP

(but will you?)

MY SAVIOR COMPLEX

April 12, 2023 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU’D LIKE TO BE DONE UNTO YOU. . .RIGHT
Or better,
DO UNTO OTHERS AS THEY REALLY WANT DONE UNTO THEM. . .
I mean these are really great aspirations for yourself
FOR OTHERS
. . .or are they the worst?
it’s real close to liking you to break open the
Butterfly Cocoon
before it’s ready
. . .seemingly to make it easier
But actually doing it the most harm ever. . .
THE SAVIOR COMPLEX
I’ve always had one
and thought it noble
and even sometimes wore it as a
Badge of Honor
until I saw I was actually doing more harm
than any kind of well intended
G O O D
so when an article about SAVIOR COMPLEXING comes across my attention
I SOAK IT UP
and ok, fine, here’s the truest of true Confessions:
I end up making this Complex even more
C O M P L E X I N G
and yet, I read on and invite you to do the same now with this article from a recent Psychology Today by Mark Travers, Ph.D., an American psychologist with degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder.

Source: Aamir Suhail / Unsplash

3 Ways to Control the Urge to Save

Everyone. . .

Dr. Travers shares that many people come to therapy troubled by their inability to help someone in need. They may say things like:

“Why do I always feel attracted to people who have had lots of troubles in life?”
“I make every sacrifice possible to help him, but he still doesn’t change.”
“If I’m constantly trying to change my significant other for the better, does that mean I’m not accepting of them?”

If you relate to any of these questions, you may have a savior complex. At first glance, your behaviors might point to your helpful nature. But, when examined more closely, your savior complex can be psychologically unhealthy as it can give you an external outlet to focus on instead of addressing your own problems.

Helpfulness is a valued and pro-social trait, but there is a difference between helping and saving. A savior complex goes beyond our ability to help people, crossing into the realm of trying to be a hero in someone else’s life for your benefit more than theirs.

Here I’ll talk about three ways you can manage your instinct to want to “save” people.

1. Practice active listening

When people confide in you, they are often looking for an outlet to let out pent-up emotions instead of wanting to “be fixed.” A big problem for many “saviors” is the mistaken assumption that people are incapable of solving their own issues. If you take up the practice of listening more actively, you may learn that this person is perhaps just looking for a supportive shoulder and someone who will listen.

A study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology finds that listening carefully and attentively increases the level of humility in any conversation, resulting in a positive feedback loop of increased humility and better listening.

Here are two ways to up your listening skills, according to the researchers:

Don’t be afraid of silence. Silent moments are essential for building a good conversation. Allow yourself to be silent to enable the other person to speak. For instance, when a friend comes to you with a problem, aim to understand rather than immediately reply. Instead, watch for their body language, which speaks volumes (e.g., tensed shoulders may express fear or hesitation).
Believe in the benefits of listening. Familiarize yourself with the benefits of listening. This will motivate you to become a better listener.

2. Wait it out before stepping in

Aside from practicing active listening, resist your urge to intervene. You may find that people can often come to their own aid when helping themselves is the only real way out.

If you try to be the fixer of all their problems, you run the risk of unintentionally pushing them towards a sense of learned helplessness, where they lose the perspective to be able to diagnose and address their own issues.

When a loved one comes to you with an issue, refrain from offering assistance or suggestions right off the bat. Remind yourself that you can be present for someone without having to rescue them. Instead, you can offer validation that shows that you understand and empathize with them and are there for them whenever they need to vent.

3. Hold in your urge to help until you are asked for it

One key aspect of the savior complex is the ingrained desire to help even when it’s not wanted or requested. Assuming that the other person is incapable of helping themselves may reflect or be perceived as a superiority complex on your end.

Instead, you can offer assistance in low-pressure ways that keeps the ball in their court. For instance, ask the other person questions like, “This situation seems quite tough. Is there any way I can help?”

Follow their guidance if they ask you to help in a certain way instead of assuming that you know what’s best.

Now READING and Article and even remotely trying to implement it makes not an expert but. . .
It’s a beginning (a g a i n)

Managing your savior instincts may seem difficult at first, but it’s a learnable skill. Even though you may believe you are doing someone a favor, saving someone who doesn’t want to be saved may backfire. Wait until this person asks for your assistance since it’s likely that someone who truly needs it will ask you for it directly.
And remember
Even as you’re Reaching Out
To REACH IN
f i r s t
IS THIS HELPING THEM
MORE THAN
APPEASING ME. . . ?

NO FAIL RESOLUTIONS

January 11, 2023 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

Sick of Failing

at Your New Year’s

R e s o l u t i o n s ?

. . .There Is a Better Way

Tomasz Skoczen-Getty Images

At least that what JAY VAN BAVEL AND DOMINIC PACKER surmise. . .

Van Bavel is an Associate Professor of Psychology and Neural Science at New York University and Director of the Social Identity & Morality Lab; Packer is a Professor of Psychology at Lehigh University. They are the authors of The Power of Us: Harnessing Our Shared Identities to Improve Performance, Increase Cooperation, and Promote Social Harmony.

They not so ashamedly admitted: We have an embarrassing confession: our New Year’s resolutions for 2023 are nearly identical to the resolutions we made for 2022 (which were remarkably similar to 2021, 2020, and pretty much every year as far as we can remember).

HELLO. . .IS THIS ALREADY RINGING YOUR NEW YEAR BELL?

A year ago, we held such lofty ambitions. (Uhhhhhh, didn’t we all?) We would exercise more, use social media less, rise earlier, read more books, eat healthier, write more, reduce our carbon footprint, learn to meditate. . .

We all always start so strong. . .

But a few weeks in, as January’s cold morphed into the slushy days of February, our resolve slackened. Twitter reappeared on our phones and we doomscrolled late into the evening. Our warm beds seemed to grip us tighter when the alarm went off for our morning jogs. We began to hit snooze, once, twice, then three times. And, well, meditation never had a hope. . .

We had largely failed. . .

Will this stop us from doing the same thing this New Year’s? Absolutely not. But maybe there’s a different way to approach our five day old New Year’s resolutions.

As the calendar turns from one year to the next, millions of people will resolve to reinvent themselves. On scraps of wrapping paper, crumpled napkins, or in fancy notebooks bought just for the occasion, we will engage in the annual collective ritual of listing the ways that we will, this year, be better.

And yet, by some estimates, as many as 80% of people fail to keep their New Year’s resolutions by February. Only 8% of people stick with them the entire year. Given this less than stellar track record, it is worth asking, what would we do if we were serious? What would we do differently if we really did want to stick to our resolutions for more than a few weeks?

Psychologists who study self-control have advice about how best to stick to our goals. The worst approaches involve what they call “response modulation”—otherwise known as white-knuckling it as you stare down temptation. Good old will power.

The ancient Greeks knew that this was a terrible strategy, as evidenced by their myths. As Odysseus approached the Sirens, whose songs would lure men to their deaths, he plugged the ears of his crew and had himself bound to the mast of his ship.

Odysseus knew that confronting temptation without a plan would fail sooner or later. Instead, he adopted a strategy that present-day psychologists call “situation change.” This is, according to a review of 102 studies, the best strategy for exerting self-control. Rather than exposing ourselves to temptations and hoping we possess the willpower to resist, it is better to avoid confronting them in the first place.

The Lord’s Prayer asks God not to lead us into temptation. Situation change takes matters into our own hands. Dieters remove all the sugary foods from their kitchens. Recovering doom scrollers delete the social media apps from their phones. Aspiring writers block off time for writing on their calendars just as if it was an important meeting during which they must not be disturbed.

Just as importantly, situation change involves paying close attention to our social circumstances. The people around us and the groups we belong to have a substantial influence on behavior—influence that can be leveraged to help achieve our goals.

Groups help people achieve their goals by setting social norms and creating a sense of accountability. It seems when you consistently tell others, individually or in a group, they will always politely (and sometimes brutally) ask you how your holding up your resolutions and achieving them. THAT PRESSURE alone of not admitting to failure is a strong force in helping you keep those hope to be achieved goals.

New research by David Kalkstein, Cayce Hook, and colleagues suggests that norms don’t simply change behavior because people conform in an effort to please others. Rather, norms may limit the behavioral options that even come to mind.

Drawing on one of their evocative examples, imagine that you’re at dinner with a coworker. With your diet in mind, you are finishing the meal with a small espresso, while they indulge in a delectable slice of cake. As you ruefully sip your drink, what are the chances you reach across and help yourself to a spoonful of their dessert? What are the odds that the idea of doing so even comes to mind? Near zero in both cases (at least in our experience).

Everything changes, of course, if your colleague provides you the option. “This is far too much for me; would you like to share?” Immediately, you confront a self-control challenge you didn’t face before: stick to your diet or indulge?

Putting this idea to the test, the researchers tested whether creating a norm against using technology (phones and laptops) in class would help university students be less tempted to engage in counterproductive multitasking while listening to lectures. In one version of a course, the teacher showed students evidence that multitasking reduces learning and established a social norm of not using technology.

In another version of the same course, the teacher provided the same evidence and had students create a personal plan for not using technology in class.

Norms trumped personal plans. . .

On average, students whose resolutions not to use technology were independent reported spending 24% of their time in class multitasking. For students in the course with a clear social norm against tech, it was a mere 10! Importantly, people who were in a group with healthier social norms also reported fewer urges to engage with their phone or computer during class. Tempting thoughts came less frequently to mind. The need for sheer willpower was lessened.

So when you created a New Year’s Resolution this year, to keep it going strong, consider joining a group. Whether you are at home or at work, think more deeply about how your good intentions can be supported (or undermined) by groups and their norms. You might form a running group with friends, start a book club with coworkers, join a local environmental organization, or attend regular meditation meet-ups or a breakfast/lunch/dinner group where you hold each other accountable as to what you’re eating and drinking.

Of course, there is also the possibility that some of the groups you belong to have norms that contradict the goal you have set for yourself. If you want to reduce your alcohol consumption, for instance, you might need to avoid hanging out with your drinking buddies. Spend a little less time in their company and more in the presence of people whose own behaviors align with your intentions.

This is how our groups
can help us become the best version
of ourselves. . .

WALKING HOME

May 27, 2022 By ChuckBehrens 2 Comments

Usually that’s an insult isn’t it,
you treat me like a kid
you treat me like a child
you treat me like a little baby. . .

Well when was the last time that somebody treated you like a child.
No. . .no not as an insult
but as a compliment. . .

On my morning walk
a little more than halfway through
I walk through a school zone
and a matter if there’s any traffic coming or not
there’s a school guard
probably about my age
who comes out into the middle of the crosswalk
with her stop sign held high
and stops the traffic for me
so that I can safely cross.
And every time she does it
and she does it every time
I feel like a little kid
in fact, I always tell her thank you
for making me feel like a little boy
all over again
and taking such good care of me. . .
And I like what she usually says back.
“I see that little boy in you and everybody should take the chance of taking care of another person and making them feel like a child again; safe, loved, and secured.”

“You make me feel like a kid; you treat me like a child,”
now takes on a whole other different meaning for me
even as I write this with a smile on my face
. . .it’s still does
Hey, take the opportunity to make somebody feel like a kid again.
Put a smile on their face without a bribe of a lollipop
or a piece of candy
but lollipop and a piece of candy
isn’t it a bad way to make somebody
feel like a kid again, either. . .
Isn’t it nice to know that when we’re walking each other home
there’s someone already there
not only before us
but making sure that the walk
is safe as it could be. . .
kind of makes you feel like a kid again
and if it doesn’t,
it makes you want to feel like one. . .

POOH’D ON

September 24, 2021 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

It occurred to Pooh and Piglet that they hadn’t heard from Eeyore for several days, so they put on their hats and coats and trotted across the Hundred Acre Wood to Eeyore’s stick house. Inside the house was Eeyore.

“Hello Eeyore,” said Pooh.

“Hello Pooh. Hello Piglet,” said Eeyore, in a Glum Sounding Voice.

“We just thought we’d check in on you,” said Piglet, “because we hadn’t heard from you, and so we wanted to know if you were okay.”

Eeyore was silent for a moment. “Am I okay?” he asked, eventually. “Well, I don’t know, to be honest. Are any of us really okay? That’s what I ask myself. All I can tell you, Pooh and Piglet, is that right now I feel really rather Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. Which is why I haven’t bothered you. Because you wouldn’t want to waste your time hanging out with someone who is Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All, would you now.”

Pooh looked at Piglet, and Piglet looked at Pooh, and they both sat down, one on either side of Eeyore in his stick house.

Eeyore looked at them in surprise. “What are you doing?”

“We’re sitting here with you,” said Pooh, “because we are your friends. And true friends don’t care if someone is feeling Sad, or Alone, or Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. True friends are there for you anyway. And so here we are.”

“Oh,” said Eeyore. “Oh.” And the three of them sat there in silence, and while Pooh and Piglet said nothing at all; somehow, almost imperceptibly, Eeyore started to feel a very tiny little bit better.

Because Pooh and Piglet were There.

No more; no less.

(A.A. Milne, E.H. Shepard)

This is National Suicide Prevention Month and it could be the most important piece of information I have ever posted in the past 7 years of THE CARING CATALYST:

If you are in crisis, call the toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The service is available to anyone. All calls are confidential. http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

SUICIDE
Should never a month of it’s own
especially since every year there are more people who die
from suicide

General Statistics (USA)

Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US for all ages. (CDC)

Every day, approximately 130 Americans die by suicide. (CDC)

There is one death by suicide in the US every 11 minutes. (CDC)

Depression affects 20-25% of Americans ages 18+ in a given year. (CDC)

Suicide takes the lives of over 48,500 Americans every year. (CDC)

The highest suicide rates in the US are among Whites, American Indians and Alaska Natives.

Only half of all Americans experiencing an episode of major depression receive treatment. (NAMI)

80% -90% of people that seek treatment for depression are treated successfully using therapy and/or medication. (TADS study)

An estimated 285,000 each year become suicide survivors (AAS).

There is one suicide for every estimated 25 suicide attempts. (CDC)

There is one suicide for every estimated 4 suicide attempts in the elderly. (CDC)

Global Statistics

For more information on suicide stats by region and country visit the World Health Statistics Data Visualizations Dashboard.

Nearly 800,000 people die by suicide in the world each year, which is roughly one death every 40 seconds.

Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in the world for those aged 15-24 years.

Depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide.

Gender Disparities

Suicide among males is 4x’s higher than among females. Male deaths represent 79% of all US suicides. (CDC)

Rates 1999 -2017 (CDC/nchs)

Firearms are the most commonly used method of suicide among males (51%). (CDC)

Females are more likely than males to have had suicidal thoughts. (CDC)

Females experience depression at roughly 2x’s the rate of men.(SMH)

Females attempt suicide 3x’s as often as males. (CDC)

Poisoning is the most common method of suicide for females. (CDC)

Age Disparities

1 in 100,000 children ages 10 to 14 die by suicide each year. (NIMH)

7 in 100,000 youth ages 15 to 19 die by suicide each year. (NIMH)

12.7 in 100,000 young adults ages 20-24 die by suicide each year. (NIMH)

The prevalence of suicidal thoughts, suicidal planning and suicide attempts is significantly higher among adults aged 18-29 than among adults aged 30+. (CDC)

Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for 15 to 24 year old Americans. (CDC)

Suicide is the 4th leading cause of death for adults ages 18-65. (CDC)

The highest increase in suicide is in males 50+ (30 per 100,000). (CDC)

Suicide rates for females are highest among those aged 45-54 (9 per 100,000). (CDC)

Suicide rates for males are highest among those aged 75+ (36 per 100,000). (CDC)

Suicide rates among the elderly are highest for those who are divorced or widowed. (SMH)

Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity

Lesbian, gay, and bisexual kids are 3x more likely than straight kids to attempt suicide at some point in their lives.

Medically serious attempts at suicide are 4x more likely among LGBTQ youth than other young people.

African American, Latino, Native American, and Asian Americanpeople who are lesbian, gay, or bisexual attempt suicide at especially high rates.

41% of trans adults said they had attempted suicide, in one study. The same study found that 61% of trans people who were victims of physical assault had attempted suicide.

Lesbian, gay, and bisexual young people who come from families that reject or do not accept them are over 8x more likely to attempt suicide than those whose families accept them.

Each time an LGBTQ person is a victim of physical or verbal harassment or abuse, they become 2.5x more likely to hurt themselves.

It’s time to
POOH ON
and simply remember:

#mentalhealth #Friends #Friendship

RESURFACING

June 16, 2021 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

You have,
WE HAVE,
Haven’t we. . .
Not only have we been hit by a big wave
we’ve been drug under
and just when we think we’re coming up for air
. . .there’s another wave
and it’s more than taking a toll
and making us think:
IS IT REALLY SAFE TO GO OUT AGAIN?
Jamie Ducharme, a journalist from
TIME MAGAZINE
was not only wondering the same things
but incorporated some hints on

How to Soothe Your ‘Re-Entry Anxiety’ as COVID-19 Lockdowns Continue to Lift

Getty ImagesBY JAMIE DUCHARME

When COVID-19 lockdowns were first instituted, it felt, for many people, unfathomable to stay home nearly 24/7. But for many people, maybe even you, it now feels equally strange—and nerve-wracking—to do anything else after months cocooned inside. Psychologists have dubbed the phenomenon “re-entry anxiety.”

Lily Brown, director of the Center for the Treatment and Study of Anxiety at the University of Pennsylvania’s Perelman School of Medicine, says there are two distinct types of re-entry anxiety. Some people are anxious because they have a “lurking fear” of catching or spreading COVID-19, she says, while others have fallen out of practice socializing and are finding it difficult to resume.

Both types of anxiety are likely driven by uncertainty and a fear of unknown harm, Brown says. Ambiguous and ever-changing public-health advice likely doesn’t help, either.

Brown says some anxiety is probably healthy as society reopens, since the virus is still spreading and still poses health risks. A little bit of nervousness can motivate you to follow public-health guidance like social distancing and wearing a mask. But when anxiety starts to interfere with your day-to-day life, it may be a problem, Brown says.

If you’re struggling to find the right balance, try these expert-backed tips for combating re-entry anxiety.

Take baby steps

“Exposure therapy“—or safely confronting sources of fear—is the gold-standard treatment for many fear and anxiety disorders. The same tactic may help with re-entry anxiety, says Dr. Ryan Sultan, an assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at Columbia University’s Irving Medical Center in New York City.

“Don’t go from staying locked in your apartment to taking the subway,” Sultan says. Instead, set progressive small goals that will get you closer to behavior you find scary. For example, you could start with a walk in the park alone, then try chatting with a friend from your window and finally go for a walk together.

If you do feel yourself getting pulled into an anxiety spiral, focus on your breathing. “The simplest way to pull yourself back from that anxiety is to really concentrate on taking controlled, slow, deep breaths,” Sultan says.

Start Soon

“Social isolation absolutely has short-term mental-health impacts,” Sultan says. “But it potentially also has long-term impacts, and they’re directly proportional to the duration. The longer people avoid things that are making them anxious, the harder they will be to overcome.”

That does not mean you should rush out and socialize just like you did before coronavirus. (Large social gatherings are still not condoned by health experts, and most recommend meeting up outdoors.) But think about what you can do safely right now—perhaps sitting with a friend in your backyard while wearing masks and staying six feet apart—and take steps to do it sooner rather than later.

But think long-term

Sultan says he’s seen multiple patients who are remaining more isolated than necessary because of re-entry anxiety. He asks them a simple question: “Is this the life that you want to live indefinitely?”

Almost invariably, he says, people realize they “miss being outside, seeing their friends, living their life.” Having that moment of realization can motivate people to start taking small steps back toward normal, Sultan says.

Be wary of crutches

Brown says it’s easy for recommended public-health practices, like washing your hands regularly, to spiral into “safety behaviors” that, consciously or subconsciously, you rely on to keep anxiety at bay.

Be honest about how these safety behaviors are affecting you. If wiping down your groceries “takes you five minutes and it really helps you,” it’s probably not a big deal, even if it’s not strictly recommended, Brown says. But if you’re spending hours a day cleaning your home, that could be a bigger issue. “It’s never really up to me to decide, ‘Is this behavior a problem?’” Brown says. Ask yourself, “Is it getting in the way of the life you want to be living?”

Recruit a partner

Like most behavior changes, quelling re-entry anxiety is easier with a buddy who can both support you and hold you accountable, Brown says.

Similarly, if someone if your life is struggling with re-entry anxiety, try to be their partner through it, Sultan says. “Ask them, ‘What would make you feel more comfortable doing this? Is there something I can do that would help you with that? What’s something you would feel comfortable with us doing?’”

Then, of course, actually accommodate their answers, rather than forcing the issue, Sultan says. If your loved one is too nervous to go to a busy park, try suggesting an early-morning visit to beat the crowds, rather than convincing them everything will be fine at midday, Sultan recommends. And remember that people may have COVID-19 risk factors that look different from yours. Respect that people are going to want to move at different paces, often by necessity.

Get help

One bright spot to the COVID-19 pandemic: it’s never been easier to connect with a mental health professional, thanks to an uptick in telemedicine services. If you’re struggling with anxiety, don’t hesitate to seek professional help, Brown says.

“I see people suffering with anxiety for years before they do anything about it,” she says. “We know that cognitive behavioral therapy is really effective in managing anxiety. My vote is always just reach out.”

If you don’t know where to get started, Brown says she and her colleagues can offer referrals. Contact them here. You can also call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s hotline 24/7 at 1-800-662-4357.

Has this piece of advice
been more important
than our new
N O W
. . .Finding your
NORTH
might be the fastest way to get to your
c e n t e r
and there’s no better time to begin
the new
N O W
t h a n
when you’re living on a
p r a y e r

CALM YOUR WATERS
AND SAIL ON
(just because it feels like the end of the world insures that it’s NOT)

THE KINDNESS OF

November 9, 2020 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

EVEN IF
ESPECIALLY IF
it’s not worth your attention
it’s not worth your watching
it’s at least worth your effort
to specifically be more
K I N D
to
family
friend
foe
foreigner
(and yourself)

No matter what
the Clock
the Calendar
shows. . .

The RESILIENCE FACTOR

October 7, 2020 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

IT DOES NOT MATTER. . .
it really doesn’t matter how long you’ve lived
BECAUSE
YOU HAVE LIVED
it’s impossible for you
NOT TO HAVE
PTSD. . .
To put it even more directly,
IF YOU HAVE A PULSE
YOU HAVE PTSD
. . .that’s the thought that hit me
between the eyes
and right straight to the middle of my brain
as I was sitting in Presentation given by a Social Worker
from the VA Hospital in Cleveland, OH
when he stated,
“If you have had boots on the ground, you are suffering from PTSD.”
and the thought exploded inside of me
‘we all have boots on the ground
which soils a seed of pain’
that pesters and haunts us
and yes,
gives us
THE RESILIENCE FACTOR
and this once again
got plowed into me again when I read a recent
New York Times Article by Eilene Zimmerman,
who is author of the memoir
“Smacked: A Story of White-Collar Ambition, Addiction and Tragedy.”
with the message of
because of our previous
TOUGH TIMES
it’s prepared us for this current
TOUGH TIME. . .

It turns out, the article states, that the awful times in our lives have been good training for a pandemic, for political and social upheaval, for economic and financial uncertainty. These experiences have taught us that we never really know what’s going to happen next. We can plan as best we can, but now we’re far more able to pivot our thinking. Especially when it doesn’t always feel like it, we have the capacity to cope with more of life’s unexpected slings and arrows, to accept the difficulties we face and keep going, even though it can be hard and rarely volunteered for. . . .

How we navigate a crisis or traumatic event (and the coronavirus has many characteristics of trauma because it is unpredictable and uncontrollable) depends, in large part, on how resilient we are. Resilience is the ability to recover from difficult experiences and setbacks, to adapt, move forward and sometimes even experience growth.

Here’s the rub: An individual’s resilience is dictated by a combination of genetics, personal history, environment and situational context. So far, research has found the genetic part to be relatively small.More from Resilience In a Crisis, We Can Learn From Trauma TherapyJune 15, 2020

“The way I think about it is that there are temperamental or personality characteristics that are genetically influenced, like risk-taking, or whether you’re an introvert or extrovert,” said Karestan Koenen, professor of psychiatric epidemiology at Harvard’s T.H. Chan School of Public Health.

Professor Koenen studies how genes shape our risk of post-traumatic stress disorder. “We all know people that are just very even-tempered,” she said. “Some of that is simply how we’re built physiologically.” Yet it isn’t true that some people are born more resilient than others, said Professor Koenen, “That’s because almost any trait can be a positive or negative, depending on the situation.”

Far more important, it seems, is an individual’s history.

The most significant determinant of resilience — noted in nearly every review or study of resilience in the last 50 years — is the quality of our close personal relationships, especially with parents and primary caregivers. Early attachments to parents play a crucial, lifelong role in human adaptation.

“How loved you felt as a child is a great predictor of how you manage all kinds of difficult situations later in life,” said Bessel van der Kolk, a professor of psychiatry at Boston University School of Medicine who has been researching post-traumatic stress since the 1970s. He is the founder of the Trauma Research Foundation in Boston.

Dr. van der Kolk said long-term studies showed that the first 20 years of life were especially critical. “Different traumas at different ages have their own impacts on our perceptions, interpretations and expectations; these early experiences sculpt the brain, because it is a use-dependent organ,” he said.

You can think of resilience as a set of skills that can be, and often is, learned. Part of the skill-building comes from exposure to very difficult — but manageable — experiences.

“Stress isn’t all bad,” said Steven M. Southwick, professor emeritus of psychiatry, PTSD and Resilience at Yale University School of Medicine and co-author of the book “Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges.” If you can cope today with all that’s happening in the world around you, Dr. Southwick said, “then when you are on the other side of it, you’ll be stronger.”

How we cope depends on what is in our resilience toolbox. For some people it might be filled with drugs. For others it can be drinking, overeating, gambling, shopping. But these don’t promote resilience.

Instead, the tools common to resilient people are optimism (that is also realistic), a moral compass, religious or spiritual beliefs, cognitive and emotional flexibility, and social connectedness. The most resilient among us are people who generally don’t dwell on the negative, who look for opportunities that might exist even in the darkest times. During a quarantine, for example, a resilient person might decide it is a good time to start a meditation practice, take an online course or learn to play guitar.

Research has shown that dedication to a worthy cause or a belief in something greater than oneself — religiously or spiritually — has a resilience-enhancing effect, as does the ability to be flexible in your thinking.

“Many, many resilient people learn to carefully accept what they can’t change about a situation and then ask themselves what they can actually change,” Dr. Southwick said. Conversely, banging your head against the wall and fretting endlessly about not being able to change things has the opposite effect, lessening your ability to cope.

Dr. Southwick has done many studies with former prisoners of war and has found that although they suffered profoundly, many eventually found new areas of growth and meaning in their lives.

“Each of us has to figure out what our particular challenges are and then determine how to get through them, at the current moment in time,” advised George Bonanno, a professor of clinical psychology and director of the Loss, Trauma, and Emotion Lab at Columbia University Teachers College. The good news, he said, is that most of us will. Professor Bonanno’s lab reviewed 67 studies of people who experienced all kinds of traumatic events. “I’m talking mass shootings, hurricanes, spinal cord injuries, things like that,” he said. “And two-thirds were found to be resilient. Two-thirds were able to function very well in a short period of time.”

How to Build Resilience

Interviews with large numbers of highly resilient individuals — those who have experienced a great deal of adversity and have come through it successfully — show they share the following characteristics.

They have a positive, realistic outlook. They don’t dwell on negative information and instead look for opportunities in bleak situations, striving to find the positive within the negative.
They have a moral compass. Highly resilient people have a solid sense of what they consider right and wrong, and it tends to guide their decisions.
They have a belief in something greater than themselves. This is often found through religious or spiritual practices. The community support that comes from being part of a religion also enhances resilience.
They are altruistic; they have a concern for others and a degree of selflessness. They are often dedicated to causes they find meaningful and that give them a sense of purpose.
They accept what they cannot change and focus energy on what they can change. Dr. Southwick says resilient people reappraise a difficult situation and look for meaningful opportunities within it.
They have a mission, a meaning, a purpose. Feeling committed to a meaningful mission in life gives them courage and strength.
They have a social support system, and they support others. “Very few resilient people,” said Dr. Southwick, “go it alone.”

So. . .
how do we bring
FACE TO MIRROR
and make things
C L E A R E R
less blurry. . .
Could it be as easy as
LOOKING BEYOND OURSELVES
FOCUSING MORE ON OTHERS
REFINING OUR CARING CATALYST SKILLS. . . ?
How about we prove
that it
DOESN’T
YOU most
RESILIENT FACTOR

FEELING A PULSE

June 26, 2019 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

U.S. Suicide Rates Are the Highest They’ve Been Since World War II

JAMIE DUCHARME reported in the TIME MAGAZINE JUNE 20, 2019 edition news that we might really be able to do something about that’s merely at the end of our our own hands and beats regularly, steadily in our own hearts. . .

U.S. suicide rates are at their highest since World War II, according to federal data—and the opioid crisis, widespread social media use and high rates of stress may be among the myriad contributing factors.

In 2017, 14 out of every 100,000 Americans died by suicide, according to a new analysis released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Center for Health Statistics. That’s a 33% increase since 1999, and the highest age-adjusted suicide rate recorded in the U.S. since 1942. (Rates were even higher during the Great Depression, hitting a century peak of 21.9 in 1932.)

“I don’t think there’s a one-size-fits all reason” since there’s almost never a single cause of suicide, says Jill Harkavy-Friedman, vice president of research at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, a nonprofit that supports suicide prevention research, education and policy. “I don’t think there’s something you can pinpoint, but I do think a period of increased stress and a lack of a sense of security may be contributing.”

It’s even more difficult to assign causes to the uptick, Harkavy-Friedman says, because it’s happening across diverse demographic groups. Men have historically died by suicide more frequently than women, and that’s still true: As of 2017, the male suicide rate was more than three times higher than the female rate. But female suicide rates are rising more quickly—by 53% since 1999, compared to 26% for men—and the gap is narrowing. For both genders, suicide rates are highest among American Indians and Alaska natives, compared to other ethnicities, and when the data are broken down by age group, the most suicide deaths are reported among people ages 45 to 64—but nearly every ethnic and age group saw an increase of some size from 1999 to 2017.

Youth suicide is becoming an especially pressing problem, with rates rising more rapidly among boys and girls ages 10 to 14 than in any other age group. A separate research letter published June 18 in JAMA found that youth suicide rates are at their highest point since at least 2000.

The JAMA letter doesn’t identify causes of the youth uptick, but first author Oren Miron, a research associate in biomedical informatics at Harvard Medical School, has two theories.

Opioid use, he says, has been shown to drive suicidal behavior among drug users and their children and families, and so recenthigh rates of drug abuse and overdose may be tied to rising suicide rates. The opioid epidemic may harm entire communities’ mental health, Miron says. “The entire community is bleeding. Kids see less of a future, they see more of their friends dying,” Miron says. “This might give us just one more reason to crack down on” substance misuse.

His second theory is that social media may be contributing to rising suicide rates, particularly for young people. “We know that now it’s used in younger ages and more intensively, and we also see some new apps that allow more anonymity, which in turn allows more bullying and more kids talking about suicide without their parents knowing,” he says. Heavy social media use may also lead to fewer meaningful in-person interactions—which can protect against mental health issues and suicidal behavior—and encourage unhealthy comparison with others.

One other possibility, says Harkavy-Friedman, is that suicide may be better reported and identified today than in years past, as people pay closer attention to mental health issues.

Though suicide is always complicated at both the individual and national levels, help is available. Experts encourage those struggling with suicidal thoughts to confide in a trusted friend or family member, speak with a health care provider, or seek care at an emergency room in cases of immediate danger.

The very first step in saving a Pulse
IS
FEELING
ONE
Reach OUT
Let your hand be the one
that’s FOUND by ONE
Who’s reaching out blindly
to grasp a lifeline
Let them know
when they can’t feel
THERE’S A TOUCH
(Y O U R ‘ S)

If you or someone you know may be contemplating suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line. In emergencies, call 911, or seek care from a local hospital or mental health provider.