A FEW WORDS ON THE SOUL
Wisława Szymborska
Translated from the Polish by Stanislaw Baranczak and Clare CavanaghWe have a soul at times.
No one’s got it non-stop,
for keeps.
Day after day,
year after year
may pass without it.
Sometimes
it will settle for awhile
only in childhood’s fears and raptures.
Sometimes only in astonishment
that we are old.
It rarely lends a hand
in uphill tasks,
like moving furniture,
or lifting luggage,
or going miles in shoes that pinch.
It usually steps out
whenever meat needs chopping
or forms have to be filled.
For every thousand conversations
it participates in one,
if even that,
since it prefers silence.
Just when our body goes from ache to pain,
it slips off-duty.
It’s picky:
it doesn’t like seeing us in crowds,
our hustling for a dubious advantage
and creaky machinations make it sick.
Joy and sorrow
aren’t two different feelings for it.
It attends us
only when the two are joined.
We can count on it
when we’re sure of nothing
and curious about everything.
Among the material objects
it favors clocks with pendulums
and mirrors, which keep on working
even when no one is looking.
It won’t say where it comes from
or when it’s taking off again,
though it’s clearly expecting such questions.
We need it
but apparently
it needs us
for some reason too.
Our Soul’s and everything that’s sacredly in them always need to be free and untethered not so much that they can fly about willy-nilly but to continue to create what seems to be timelessly re-created in them;
SOUL SEEPINGS
Of course there’s testing to be done samples to be taken cross matches to be completed intentions to be discussed therapies to be administered advanced medical knowledge to be applied scientific discoveries to be utilized None of it All of it necessary or unnecessary to these Soul Seepings that come from places not yet dreamed never to be understood but known like a familiar place that needs no lighting for steps that know the way in the dark all so intimately known and at best shared Whatever seeps from the Soul outshines any rays of light refusing to be hidden. . .
but if you don’t look
but if you don’t see
it doesn’t much matter. . .
In just a moment, you can experience more than any words or any dictionary that holds words and all other definitions will ever be able to explain. So what? So what that even a smashed cake holds sweetness and that whatever for better for worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health can ever mean, that you ever hope that it can mean, far exceeds whatever death can part. Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
It’s not a secret: EVEN A SMASHED-BETTER-THROW-IT-AWAY-KIND-OF-CAKE
tastes sweet, if you dare taste it
Here’s hoping you
D A R E
in Just A Moment
to take in a sweetness
that begs you not to ignore
and I suspect for the rest of my life as a father;
Did you hear it?
Is it one of your favorite lines, too,
in the SHADOW OF FATHER’S DAY. . .
“YOUR FLAWS AS A SON ARE MY FAILURES AS A FATHER.”
S E R I O U S L Y:
Have you ever thought,
“IF I WAS A BETTER PARENT, maybe my children would be better, not suffered as much”
Yes, I have suffered many little deaths along the way as any dad would/does. . . Children always have a way of ripping your heart out without a scalpel and tramping on your aorta; watching it as flutters, sputters blood and seamlessly stops beating by either what they say/do or don’t say or do. . . But my father’s heart has never stopped loving, never stop caring, never stop giving, never stopped worrying, and I believe it’s what makes me who I am and who I want to continue to be. . . It’s hard work; it’s an endless job from which I will never retire and of which I will never seek to do so. . .
Now for that MISSING PIECE. . . completing t h a t puzzle of UnSMOTHERED L O V E and in the meantime, still very much in the shadow of Father’s Day I’m beyond grateful for Oliva, Gina, Angie, Zoe and Connor MAKING this Father a much better DAD
I recently read a short little blurb from Lou Hecker that I’ll now share with you:
I’ve been thinking about “elevators” — the people who help us get to the next level in our professions and our lives. This was prompted by a nice piece in the New York Times about Al Horford — a professional basketball player with the Boston Celtics and a former player here in Gainesville for the Florida Gators. At age 38 (when MOST players are long retired) . Horford is still very much a contributor for his team — one on which some players are close to half his age. He credits Tom Brady, the former NFL quarterback who told him how he lasted so long as a pro…Duke Werner, a strength and conditioning coach at the University of Florida, who taught him about injury prevention…LeBron James (one year older than Horford) who gave him some ideas about longevity in sports…and even the professional cook who has prepared meals for him for the last ten years!
So are YOU an ELEVATOR. OR, are you just some random pusher of buttons that’ll never knowingly take people DOWN or UP without ever really knowing which way for sure?
Come on, as Caring Catalysts in our own ways, we possess the power to always take Another up another level they never knew existed, but one of the hugest questions of all, person by person, situation by situation is: WILL WE?
We all need a LIFT, Right
WE CAN ALL BE A LIFT,
Right. . . ?
If we were mandated to look at all things, literally to just pause, to take a moment and look at all the things that we miss in just a moment, we not only would be a appalled, we would be embarrassed by what we don’t see or worse by what we don’t recognize because we are just too busy; we don’t have time or take the time and besides it’s just dew on a small little leaf so what? Indeed, so why take just a moment for the moment to change you, that you may be changed by it, in just a moment. Not an hour. Not a day. Not a 30 day intensive program; No. just a mere minute moment. . .
THE SO WHAT OF DEW
It’s too delicate to even be a drop of rain
It clings to a small stem of tall grass
as if all of life eternal depended
on it never letting go
It withstood the trauma
of being brushed up against
and worse, The deep wound of
Being unnoticed
Still, this small dribble of dew
invites in a moment of your time
a slice of opportunity to know like it,
You too, may be unnoticed,
but have the power of just a moment
to give Another
A piece of Waiting to just Wonder
A sliver of Stillness
Serenity smidgens to know that the so what of dew is really a so what of you.
My girlfriend decided we wanted to get a kitten and raise it. The next day we went over to the local SPCA to look through the orphaned animals and see if maybe we could rescue one. They let us go into the large kennel area where all of the cats were kept, and immediately this small, all white kitten bounded happily over to say hi to us. “What a jolly little soul,” we thought.. This particular cat was so much more full of energy than the others who just listlessly stared out at us. So we decided this little guy was the one and filled out the papers so we could take him home. Lenny, as we decided to call him, turned out to be quite the little bundle of energy! He absolutely loved to play constantly by hopping around on the furniture, playing some odd type of Hide-and-Seek, and whatever else he could get into mischief-wise to keep entertained. Overall he was a great source of joy though and we were glad he had come to live with us. As time went on I noticed that Lenny didn’t seem to be getting much bigger, if at all. Though he was so cute, I couldn’t help but think he should be getting taller at least. So I took him into the vet for a check up just to see how he was doing in general. Come to find out, Lenny had a very rare blood disease that the vet explained was hard to treat successfully. He gave us some pills that were very important to stay regular with and told us we’d just have to see if Lenny responds. During the next month, however, he began getting tired and sleeping a lot more than normal. Soon after that he started to get weak and began walking really slowly and not ever running around like our old Lenny used to do. The vet saw him again and said this was the only treatment for this type of leukemia and that it simply isn’t working out very well. He then decided to tell us “I hate to say this, but you’ll probably lose him at some point in the next month or so. I wish we had other options here, but this is a very serious threat and there’s been a lot of research on it.” “Is he in much pain?” I asked. “Unfortunately, yes it’s very painful for him right now,” he said with genuine sadness. And so our little Lenny kept sleeping more and getting weaker over the next several days back at home. He was even having a lot of trouble walking, period, before long. One evening he stumbled three times trying to get to his food bowl just a few feet away, and I realized this was too much for all of us to bear! I announced that we need to take him and have him put to sleep now. My girlfriend couldn’t bear the idea and cried and fought me on it, until I reassured her there was no good reason to put him or us through this any longer and that we were just putting off the inevitable. It’s heartbreaking and sad and everything else, I told her, but I’m calling the vet. Of course we were both in tears when I dialed the phone. He said he would meet us at the clinic in an hour. He also asked if I could help out some since he would be alone this time of night. I agreed and we drove off with my girlfriend holding him as he slept in the little blanket we wrapped him in. I held Lenny in my arms so the doctor could administer the shot. Right at the moment he was going to take care of it Lenny snapped awake out of his stupor and looked directly and deeply into my eyes. It went right through me; there was a powerful love there, a soul-to-soul communication. I felt him thanking me for rescuing him from the kennel, for the new life we gave him, and for ending his misery now. All of that came from him in that one extended moment. It gave me chills as my love for him also poured out one last time. Then it was over. My girlfriend sobbed as we left with the same little blanket that we came with and Lenny in it. I thanked the doctor and he assured me we did the right thing. We took Lenny home and I dug a grave for him out in the yard where we placed him in his blanket and covered him. I remember looking up at the stars and being so grateful he had come into our lives even if only for a short time. I wrote the song Gone a few days later.
I had the HO-HUM thought when I first read this story, that I had heard rumored way back when I first heard Jim’s song back in the early 1990’s but it’s funny how it takes on new meanings, even after all of these years later when you lose a cat you love, too.
We got Billy and Phylly just short of a couple of years ago. (Named after my mom and dad).
We nicknamed him BBB or BIG BAD BILLY because he was a wild man but he wildly loved, too. He often wore himself around the back of your neck like a stole and would fall asleep up on your shoulders as you would walk around. He would go for everyone’s shoulders to say, “LOVE ME” but to show, “I LOVE YOU!” He was the neighborhood cat and he would visit everyone on our street and gave them Peace and Joy when he’d make them pause to pet him and talk to him. When he was out doing that a last Saturday he apparently was being kind to a dog who didn’t return the kindness and suffered lots of injuries that two surgeries and Kitty ICU couldn’t aid in his recovery. So with Erin and I by his side and talking to him, loving on him and letting him know how much he made us happy, we gave him the gift of Peace but absolutely havent’ let him go. . . I WAS HIS HUMAN! He chose me. He followed me everywhere like a faithful dog; PEACE for both of us was when, after a busy day of being BBB, he’d park himself up on my lap purring himself to sleep and bringing down my blood pressue faster than any pill or interventions.
He literally would bring paws to pause
Wrapped himself around my ankles
as I hurriedly try to put on my socks
Or lay on each step as I tried to make my way downstairs to get dressed.
To say stop, pause. . . don’t be in a hurry, not so much that I would pay attention to him so much I would just slow down; by paying him his attention he paid more than money could purchase. . .I’m so glad I never passed up the chance to give and get that love.
He would bring calm to my worry
He would bring rest to my disturbed
He would bring love to my most unlovable parts
Not so much about giving him treats so much as I would give him the opportunity to treat me. . .
And he never failed
Yes, there is a special spot in heaven for him
Just like our dogs, Bourbon and Molly and other cats, Mabel, Baby Barbara Speese, The Orange Girl, Nippy-One and Nippy-Two, and Bradley before him
That special spot is called:
M I N E
I believe one day if I have moments to fully reflect as my life is completing, it will be make leaving Here and getting THERE a little bit more gentle and less fearful and like those loved ones who have gone before me, they too, will be there unconditionally waiting to greet me as if I was coming home like so many times before when they couldn’t wait to welcome me. . .It makes the hurt of all that I feel with GONE not gone at all
Until that THEN, rest easy my BBB (BEST BUDDY BILLY) and THANK YOU for choosing me; for loving me without conditions or boundaries. You made me Better!
I love you, Pal Yep. . .I’ll read it even again and be grateful; always grateful for the opportunity to LOVE. . .GRIEVE. . .LOVE AGAIN. . .
All ground is fertile and she proved it by taking what had no life L I V E She makes my soul her soil when she digs deeply and prunes, sharply The ache is more of a yearning Ahhhhhhhh than a moaning Owwwwwwl She makes things grow out of nothingness an Everythingness hardly without notice but never unnotable
This is a poem I wrote a little over a year ago. Its title is the one for my sixth chapbook that I wrote as a result of the SPRING poetry challenge that demanded 15 poems in 10 days that couldn’t exceed 15 lines. It had a different theme of the day where one or two poems could be written on that given theme. The theme for this poem on this particular day was E M E R G E N C E
S E E D S
even in the most soiled of hands
have no chance of growing
no matter how warm the wish
or fervent the prayer b u t BRING WHAT YOU HAVE (who you are) TO WHAT YOU’LL SERVE (who you love)
AND WHA-LA
You have a magical garden S U R P R I S E
There’s no secret to a HAPPY MARRIAGE
I can’t give you the 12 STEPS TO SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS
But showing up each day
with the goal to be a BETTER ME
for a BETTER HER
has never failed me
and it has failed me horrifically WHEN I HAVEN’T BEEN A BETTER ME
or at least not given it a better than
half of a chance. . . OUR BEST TIMES HAVE BEEN SOME OF
OUR ROUGHEST TIMES (an ohhhh, there have been some severely rough times)
because soaked, shaken and jostled about
we’ve always ended up stronger, more invincible and C L O S E R SHE MAKES THINGS GROW especially when I’ve given her some-not-always-wanted-manure and yet
that served as some of the richest fertilizer
to some of the
greatest growth
that could never really been imagined
. . .only experienced 38 Years ago, on June 9, 1986 the day after we got married we were laying by the hotel pool we had all to ourselves talking about the future;
we both assumed we’d never see 50 years together
because of our ages
and then
like now
have never been bothered much by how much time we’ve got
because of the time
WE HAVE (and so the message that I usually include in each wedding ceremony I conduct, is the message we’ve always taken to heart)
. . .Marriage is
HARD WORK but it’s the best job you’ll ever had. . . I may have seemingly had The World to give but Erin’s always had the grace to
bring me Home We’ve been able to show each other what we could have never seen alone. . .
SHE MAKES THINGS GROW
Pssssssssssssssssssssst:
Take it from a Drain
who’s been transformed into a f o u n t a i n. . .
M O M E N T S
In so many different ways we can literally live a lifetime in JUST A MOMENT
and sometimes it can be really tasty. . .
When I had some time in between two graveside services
I ducked into a middle-of-the-day-busy bakery
and yes,
ON PURPOSE
I took this
JUST A MOMENT Video
knowing full well that it would be difficult
if not next to impossible to HEAR my commentary
but so very easy to
SEE
to
FEEL A TASTY MOMENT OF LIVING
hopefully so much so
that it more than tempts you to go out JUST FOR A MOMENT
to have a slice of tasty living yourself. . . GO AHEAD
it’s not a morning or an afternoon or a whole day IT’S JUST A MOMENT STEP UP TAKE A NUMBER ENJOY J U S T A M O M E N T
FULL DISCLOSURE
I’m not really in love with the Music
B U T
I love the Message. . .
Sometimes I think if we say things over and over and over again, if we repeat the refrain often enough, we will understand it or we’ll get it. I’m not so sure that’s true anymore; so even though I don’t particularly like the video but I love the
message. . .
BECAUSE we are not only THAT MESSAGE but as Caring Catalysts, we can be a better MESSAGE within the MESSAGE with minimal words and well intentioned ACTIONS. . .
AND YOU JUST MIGHT BE SURPRISED
for not only who needs THAT MESSAGE
but who it gets delivered to
even if you’re not noticing
that you are providing the very
M E S S A G E (with or without music or vocal background)
It’s not all that unusual to get a call on a Sunday afternoon asking whether or not I can do a service, even if it’s the day before Memorial Day. That is exactly what happened this past Sunday and they were asking if I could do the Invocation and the Benediction for the Memorial Day services held annually at the historic Lake View Cemetery in Cleveland, Ohio
I’ll be honest with you, my first knee-jerk reaction was this is may not be a good idea, not because it’s too late notice but because Erin, my wife was recovering from a killer kidney stones removal procedure just the day before; but this is where that strange duck of me that waddles and quacks a little bit differently sort of enters.
Maybe it’s an excuse, but I rationalize and say it’s a reason, in fact, one of the biggest reasons why I’m here and if somebody asks me to do something and I’m available to do it, I feel like it’s a divine intervention of sorts; that I have an obligation to fulfill the request. Yes, egotistical as it sounds and maybe even more glaringly appears. I feel like it’s a divine intervention for me not to do it, for me to accept (or else I would have never been asked in the first place).
I gladly accepted the invitation to fill in for somebody who took sick and couldn’t do the Invocation and the Benediction. His name is already printed in the bulletin
It didn’t matter to me if I stood up in front of others and they thought I might be Irv Aplis. Besides, the Master of Ceremonies, Tim Garfield, a direct descendant of President Garfield, took care of that:
I didn’t repeat my name as Chuck Behrens, a Spiritual Care Coordinator with Hospice of the Western Reserve. I stood before a crowd honoring the memory of many and the honor of all and gave what I thought to be an Invocation and Benediction worthy of a Memorial Day observation; to be sure, it wouldn’t have been the one that Irv Aplis, Veteran and Past Commander of The American Legion Post #759 would have given but it’s the one that I was invited to give.
Yes, like so many other occasions I wasn’t there to save the day. I was humble enough to be recognizing that I was there to be saved by the day and it was magical. With the band playing, bagpiper piping, and the address that was worthy of a Memorial Day given and received, I and all the many people on a rainy day were there to remember and more importantly, to prove we haven’t forgotten, the memories of the many and the honor for all.
Yeah, you may be right. It’s a rationalization but the next time I get a text or call, this will be another reason not an excuse. Another reason why I’ll probably say, “Absolutely, I’m available and I’d be glad to help. Tell me how.”
I know. I KNOW, I’m a strange duck, or at least one that waddles and quacks differently.
Now here’s the question and it may be a little more difficult to answer than it seems:
HOW DO YOU ANSWER THAT CALL?
HOW DO YOU RESPOND TO THAT TEXT?
Something nudges me deep from your Within’s to my WITHIN’S:
THE SAME WAY. . .
And if you’re still reading this, you are a Caring Catalyst to do so
THE NEXT TIME~~
Pssssssssssssssssssssst:
AND THERE’S ALWAYS A NEXT TIME~~GO AHEAD,
Be an Irv Aplis
the next time he may not be able but
YOU ARE
Whatever seeps from the Soul outshines any rays of light refusing to be hidden. . .
