The Caring Catalyst

Who Cares - What Matters

LOVE LACK

By Leave a Comment

IT  IS  AMAZING
how we think that this applies to everyone ELSE
but not to ourselves
but one of the biggest lessons that
THE PANDEMIC has taught us
is if infected, we are dangerously viral
.        .        .CAN THE SAME BE SAID OF LOVE.          .          .
IF WE ARE INFESTED WITH LOVE
IS IT IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO SPREAD.          .        .
P L E A S E
N O T E
TO
S P R E A D
L O V E
You have to first have LOVE
uhhhhhhhhhh
which means
L O V I N G
O U R S E L V E S

I have often joked,
IF YOU LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF
I MAY WELL CHOOSE YOU NOT TO BE
MY NEIGHBOR
(for the way, or the lack of the way you love yourself)
Seems like I may not be the only one who thinks that:

Self-Compassion

Could Help You

Be More Tolerant

Of Others.          .          .

A new study finds that when you’re warm and accepting of yourself, those feelings may extend to other people, too.    .    .

ELIZABETH SVOBODA is a writer in San Jose, CA, and a regular contributor to Greater Good. She is the author of What Makes a Hero?: The Surprising Science of Selflessness. Her newest book, for kids, is The Life Heroic.  She is helping us to take a look at the benefits of being a little bit more of self-compassionate.

Launched into public awareness by the psychologist Kristin Neff, the practice of self-compassion has emerged as a proven way to boost well-being and resilience amid life’s challenges. “With self-compassion,” Neff writes, “we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend.”

A new Rutgers University study suggests that self-compassion has another, counterintuitive benefit: It helps you to become more accepting of other people who are not like you. Being kind to yourself, the study reports, can broaden your tolerance of others—so long as your self-compassion is rooted in “common humanity,” a belief that life’s joys and struggles are part of the shared human condition.

“People who are viewing themselves and their failures and their suffering as normal parts of human experience are more likely to have compassion for others,” says H. Annie Vu, a psychology graduate student at Rutgers and lead author of the study. “That is linked with less prejudice.” She aims to develop training programs that foster people’s sense of common humanity, which she hopes will deepen their compassion for themselves and others—and, as a result, promote social acceptance.

Self-kindness that reflects outward

Self-compassion, the quality Vu explored in her study, is distinct from self-esteem. Self-esteem involves how you answer the question “How much do I like myself?,” and it often crumbles when others criticize you. But self-compassion is a form of self-regard that persists no matter what others are saying. It means accepting yourself even when you fumble or fail.

As Neff defines it, self-compassion has three major components: mindfulness, awareness of your own feelings and thoughts; self-kindness, a commitment to caring for yourself in tough times; and common humanity, a sense that everyone experiences highs and lows in life just like you.

Vu’s study looked at how different components of self-compassion related to people’s attitudes toward others. The study’s 163 student participants took Neff’s 26-item survey to assess their self-compassion, including statements like, “When I’m down, I remind myself that there are lots of other people in the world feeling like I am.” The students also took a self-esteem survey and a test that evaluated their feelings about “outgroups” often marginalized by society, such as unhoused people or members of minority groups.

The analysis by Vu’s team found that people’s self-esteem did not meaningfully predict how they felt about outgroup members. Self-compassion, on the other hand, did—but it was people with greater feelings of common humanity, not self-kindness or mindfulness, who were more accepting of others not like them.

While self-kindness and mindfulness involve more of a focus on yourself and your emotions, common humanity “involves perception of others, and that connectedness between self and others,” Vu says. “That explains why it’s the only self-compassion component that is associated with low prejudice.”

Common humanity, in other words, helps you assess your own experiences against the failures and triumphs shared by everyone else on the planet. When you do that kind of comparison, it may be harder to look down on those different from you, because you’re focused on what unites you rather than what sets you apart. A sense of common humanity may also make your self-compassion more durable, because when you understand how your struggles reflect the shared human experience, it’s less tempting to blame yourself for them.

  • Self-Compassion Break

    Self-Compassion Break

    A healthier way to deal with stressful situations.

    Try It Now

A 2018 study by Italian researchers had also found that self-compassionate people were more accepting of others, but Vu’s study goes further, showing that this connection holds up independent of people’s self-esteem. (Previous research has shown that people with high “me first” self-esteem are sometimes less accepting of people different from them.)

Vu’s finding also builds on reports from political scientist Kristen Renwick Monroe, who found that what set Holocaust rescuers apart from peers was their strong sense of common humanity. Even if (as was often the case) rescuers came from a different background or culture than the people they were helping, they recognized just how similar they were to those being persecuted, which motivated them to act.

Underscoring what connects us

Vu’s study is among the first to combine what have long been two distinct branches of research: studies on how people feel about themselves, and studies on how they perceive members of other groups. Through further study of how inner states affect outer attitudes, Vu and her Rutgers colleagues hope to create training programs that build up people’s sense of common humanity—and thereby broaden their acceptance of others.

Such programs could reinforce existing efforts to protect marginalized people’s rights and dignity, notes Rutgers psychologist Luis Rivera, Vu’s graduate advisor and a coauthor of the study.

“We’ve already seen historically how changing structures, laws, policies, et cetera, can lead to changes in prejudices. But what Annie’s work also suggests is that you can turn back to the individual,” Rivera says. “That could be another opportunity, complementing structural-level interventions with individual-level interventions.”

Developing and testing these educational programs could take years, Vu says. Yet people can start now to shift their focus toward what links them to all humanity—and observe the real-world benefits for themselves.

“The more you realize you are connected to other humans—and that other humans are humans—the more you’re able to regard them with dignity and respect,” says social worker and empathy educator Kristen Donnelly, founder of the Abbey Research firm. “The work of understanding your humanity is deeply connected to the work of understanding our connectedness. Difference is not a threat, but an opportunity.”

 

NO FAIL RESOLUTIONS

By Leave a Comment

Sick of Failing

at Your New Year’s

R e s o l u t i o n s ?

.        .       .There Is a Better Way

Tomasz Skoczen-Getty Images
At least that what  JAY VAN BAVEL AND DOMINIC PACKER surmise.     .      .
Van Bavel is an Associate Professor of Psychology and Neural Science at New York University and Director of the Social Identity & Morality Lab; Packer is a Professor of Psychology at Lehigh University. They are the authors of The Power of Us: Harnessing Our Shared Identities to Improve Performance, Increase Cooperation, and Promote Social Harmony.

They not so ashamedly admitted: We have an embarrassing confession: our New Year’s resolutions for 2023 are nearly identical to the resolutions we made for 2022 (which were remarkably similar to 2021, 2020, and pretty much every year as far as we can remember).

 HELLO.    .    .IS THIS ALREADY RINGING YOUR NEW YEAR BELL?

A year ago, we held such lofty ambitions. (Uhhhhhh, didn’t we all?)  We would exercise more, use social media less, rise earlier, read more books, eat healthier, write more, reduce our carbon footprint, learn to meditate.       .       .

We all always start so strong.       .       .

But a few weeks in, as January’s cold morphed into the slushy days of February, our resolve slackened. Twitter reappeared on our phones and we doomscrolled late into the evening. Our warm beds seemed to grip us tighter when the alarm went off for our morning jogs. We began to hit snooze, once, twice, then three times. And, well, meditation never had a hope.          .          .

We had largely failed.        .        .

Will this stop us from doing the same thing this New Year’s? Absolutely not. But maybe there’s a different way to approach our five day old New Year’s resolutions.

As the calendar turns from one year to the next, millions of people will resolve to reinvent themselves. On scraps of wrapping paper, crumpled napkins, or in fancy notebooks bought just for the occasion, we will engage in the annual collective ritual of listing the ways that we will, this year, be better.

And yet, by some estimates, as many as 80% of people fail to keep their New Year’s resolutions by February. Only 8% of people stick with them the entire year. Given this less than stellar track record, it is worth asking, what would we do if we were serious? What would we do differently if we really did want to stick to our resolutions for more than a few weeks?

Psychologists who study self-control have advice about how best to stick to our goals. The worst approaches involve what they call “response modulation”—otherwise known as white-knuckling it as you stare down temptation. Good old will power.

The ancient Greeks knew that this was a terrible strategy, as evidenced by their myths. As Odysseus approached the Sirens, whose songs would lure men to their deaths, he plugged the ears of his crew and had himself bound to the mast of his ship.

Odysseus knew that confronting temptation without a plan would fail sooner or later. Instead, he adopted a strategy that present-day psychologists call “situation change.” This is, according to a review of 102 studies, the best strategy for exerting self-control. Rather than exposing ourselves to temptations and hoping we possess the willpower to resist, it is better to avoid confronting them in the first place.

The Lord’s Prayer asks God not to lead us into temptation. Situation change takes matters into our own hands. Dieters remove all the sugary foods from their kitchens. Recovering doom scrollers delete the social media apps from their phones. Aspiring writers block off time for writing on their calendars just as if it was an important meeting during which they must not be disturbed.

Just as importantly, situation change involves paying close attention to our social circumstances. The people around us and the groups we belong to have a substantial influence on behavior—influence that can be leveraged to help achieve our goals.

Groups help people achieve their goals by setting social norms and creating a sense of accountability. It seems when you consistently tell others, individually or in a group, they will always politely (and sometimes brutally) ask you how your holding up your resolutions and achieving them.  THAT PRESSURE alone of not admitting to failure is a strong force in helping you keep those hope to be achieved goals.

New research by David Kalkstein, Cayce Hook, and colleagues suggests that norms don’t simply change behavior because people conform in an effort to please others. Rather, norms may limit the behavioral options that even come to mind.

Drawing on one of their evocative examples, imagine that you’re at dinner with a coworker. With your diet in mind, you are finishing the meal with a small espresso, while they indulge in a delectable slice of cake. As you ruefully sip your drink, what are the chances you reach across and help yourself to a spoonful of their dessert? What are the odds that the idea of doing so even comes to mind? Near zero in both cases (at least in our experience).

Everything changes, of course, if your colleague provides you the option. “This is far too much for me; would you like to share?”  Immediately, you confront a self-control challenge you didn’t face before: stick to your diet or indulge?

Putting this idea to the test, the researchers tested whether creating a norm against using technology (phones and laptops) in class would help university students be less tempted to engage in counterproductive multitasking while listening to lectures. In one version of a course, the teacher showed students evidence that multitasking reduces learning and established a social norm of not using technology.

In another version of the same course, the teacher provided the same evidence and had students create a personal plan for not using technology in class.

Norms trumped personal plans.       .       .

On average, students whose resolutions not to use technology were independent reported spending 24% of their time in class multitasking. For students in the course with a clear social norm against tech, it was a mere 10! Importantly, people who were in a group with healthier social norms also reported fewer urges to engage with their phone or computer during class. Tempting thoughts came less frequently to mind. The need for sheer willpower was lessened.

So when you created a New Year’s Resolution this year, to keep it going strong, consider joining a group. Whether you are at home or at work, think more deeply about how your good intentions can be supported (or undermined) by groups and their norms. You might form a running group with friends, start a book club with coworkers, join a local environmental organization, or attend regular meditation meet-ups or a breakfast/lunch/dinner group where you hold each other accountable as to what you’re eating and drinking.

Of course, there is also the possibility that some of the groups you belong to have norms that contradict the goal you have set for yourself. If you want to reduce your alcohol consumption, for instance, you might need to avoid hanging out with your drinking buddies. Spend a little less time in their company and more in the presence of people whose own behaviors align with your intentions.

This is how our groups
can help us become the best version
of ourselves.     .     .

SILENT NIGHT

By Leave a Comment

MERRY THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS.          .          .
Here’s hoping your lights are still twinkling
you leftovers are still warm and tasty
you joy is still contagious

Years ago, Paul Simon was asked to name a song he wished he had written. The song he chose was “Silent Night.”

“Silent Night?” Really? But that wasn’t even a hit, ever. Was it?

Actually, yes. In 1935.

The story starts long before that, though. It starts with a poem written by Father Joseph Mohr in 1816, an assistant priest in Mariapfarr, Austria. Written in German, it was called “Stille Nacht.”

Two years later he was the priest of the St. Nicholas parish church in Oberndorf, a village near Salzburg. On the day of Christmas Eve, 1818, he asked organist Franz Gruber to compose a melody for his poem. Because the recent flooding of the Salzach river damaged the church organ, it was unsure if it would be usable in time for Mass, so Mohr requested that Gruber write a guitar accompaniment for it that he could it.

The melody that Gruber composed is a beautiful, poignant one,  with the simplicity of a folk song. That simplicity — using only the fundamental changes (I, IV, V and VI) — seems to have been shaped by Gruber’s use of guitar. Had he composed it for organ, he might have created a far more complex melody, and one remembered and cherished by none. But the purity of this melody, with the beautifully holy words written by Father Mohr, resounds like a hymn.

That church was ultimately subsumed completely by the river and replaced with a church named after the famous song which was born there.

In 1935, Bing Crosby recorded it, and sold over ten million copies of it. “Silent Night” was a hit.

In 1966, Simon and Garfunkel recorded a version of the song for their album Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme, called “Silent Night/ 7 O’Clock News.” In perfect two-part harmony, they sing the song to a piano accompaniment. Into that song bleeds the sound of a news announcer bringing news of the day, thus creating a sound collage of peace set against modern times. That news was actually scripted and read by Charlie O’Donnell, who was a radio DJ then and became the announcer on many TV game shows, including The Wheel of Fortune.

Topics covered in the lyrics which painted the summer of 1966 include the death of Lenny Bruce in Hollywood, a march in Cicero, Illinois by Martin Luther King, Jr., the indictment of Richard Speck for murder, and more. The full text is included below.

Simon and Garfunkel’s rendition of the song is simple and beautiful. Back in the day, we loved this version, merging in radical 60s style the hymn with the modern world. But we yearned to hear it without Charlie talking over it. Of course, back then that was impossible. Not anymore.  Here’s the full text:

This is the early evening edition of the news.

The recent fight in the House of Representatives was over the open housing section of the Civil Rights Bill. Brought traditional enemies together but it left the defenders of the measure without the votes of their strongest supporters. President Johnson originally proposed an outright ban covering discrimination by everyone for every type of housing but it had no chance from the start and everyone in Congress knew it.

A compromise was painfully worked out in the House Judiciary Committee. In Los Angeles today comedian Lenny Bruce died of what was believed to be an overdoes of narcotics. Bruce was 42 years old.

Dr. Martin Luther King says he does not intend to cancel plans for an open housing march Sunday into the Chicago suburb of Cicero. Cook County Sheriff Richard Ogleby asked King to call off the march and the police in Cicero said they would ask the National Guard to be called out if it is held. King, now in Atlanta, Georgia, plans to return to Chicago Tuesday.

In Chicago Richard Speck, accused murderer of nine student nurses, was brought before a grand jury today for indictment. The nurses were found stabbed an strangled in their Chicago apartment.

In Washington the atmosphere was tense today as a special subcommittee of the House Committee on Un-American activities continued its probe into anti- Viet nam war protests. Demonstrators were forcibly evicted from the hearings when they began chanting anti-war slogans.

Former Vice-President Richard Nixon says that unless there is a substantial increase in the present war effort in Viet nam, the U.S. should look forward to five more years of war. In a speech before the Convention of the Veterans of Foreign Wars in New York, Nixon also said opposition to the war in this country is the greatest single weapon working against the U.S.

That’s the 7 o’clock edition of the news, Goodnight.

Silent night Holy night
All is calm All is bright
Round yon virgin mother and child
Holy infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace,
sleep in heavenly peace.

B                    U                     T

Let’s not miss what can’t always been seen but certainly needs to be
N O T I C E D:
That first Christmas had chaos
the one in 1966 certainly did
which makes us think,
“Well, maybe the ‘good old days’ weren’t so good”
but even more to wonder
HAS ANYTHING CHANGED?
Aside from a brutal COLD BOMB that blasted most of the Country
has our World found any Peace that resembles
something close to
h        e        a        v        e        n        l        y   

So what of this first day after Christmas
or all of the days that’ll follow it from now
and Christmas’ to come.          .          .
WHAT OF IT, INDEED

Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:

WE ARE THE LYRICS OF THE SONG
THAT NEEDS SINGING
HEARD
ADAPTED 
for a Heavenly Peace we not only yearn to sleep within
but refuse to live
w  i  t  h  o  u  t

MERRY CHRISTMAS
(again)
(and many agains too numerous to count)

 

A KINDLY KIND-OF-NESS

By Leave a Comment

It’s a great Friday Blog Question:
IS IT POSSIBLE TO BE KIND TO EVERYTHING.        .       .         ?
or to poetically put it:
CAN KINDNESS BE BROUGHT TO AN EVERYTHINGNESS.          .          .

Driving
Defensively
Looking for hazards
Watching for water filled potholes
He appeared across my windshield
Inside
Traversing it’s clear continent
Owning it
Like an unexplored universe
Not yet known
Discovered
Far from knowing
He could be exterminated
Crushed not so carefully
From a runaway McDonald’s napkin
Snuggled between the car seat
But when arriving safely to my destination
We both escaped from unknown dangers
Never to be seen/known
By the other
Still alive
For a time
A  Kindly Kind-of-ness
Without a sacred
all relieving
Gratitude
Unoffered
But received
(With a Praise to be to the Universe Creator for not allowing it to be snake)

A BLESSED WORRY

By Leave a Comment

QUESTION:
HAVE YOU WORRIED YET TODAY?
An Easier Question:
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WORRIED?
A not-so-smart-Question:
HAVE YOU EVER BENEFITED FROM WORRYING?

Anxiety Feels Terrible,

But It Has an Upside.      .      .

Here’s How to Make It Work

in Your Favor

There are ways to untangle anxiety and make it work in our favor, not just in the moment but for years to come.          .          .Getty Images
Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW, is a psychoanalyst and emotions educator. She is the author of the award-winning book It’s Not Always Depression.
Juli Fraga, Psy.D., is a psychologist, writer and emotions educator who teaches “Empathy Bootcamp.”
recently teamed up to tackle a topic that usually does a real good job of toppling us:
                                                                           W       O       R       R      Y
These days, there’s a lot to be anxious about. Between losing loved ones and experiencing financial strain to family stress and fears about illness, many of us are struggling more than ever. In a 2021 survey of more than 3,000 adults, 47% reported feeling anxious, and 57% of Black adults said they worried about their future. In addition, 54% of essential workers admitted to drinking alcohol and overeating to ease their emotional pain.

Anyone who’s experienced anxiety knows the distress it can bring. Often, this spiky emotion causes a racing heart, headache and knotted stomach. Frequently, we interpret these sensations as a danger sign. For instance, we might mistake social anxiety as evidence that everyone dislikes us or believe performance anxiety means we’re actually impostors.

While anxiety certainly feels terrible, it does have an upside. In her new book, Good Anxiety, neuroscientist Wendy Suzuki repositions anxiety as a potentially positive force in our lives that can open the door to self-care and resilience—two things that inoculate us from stress. From this vantage point, social jitters might be a sign to reach out for support, while performance woes might be a signal to practice our craft a little more or spend two minutes in a power pose. When we realize anxiety can be a helpful messenger, we can make it work in ways that benefit our psychological well-being.

From this perspective, anxiety isn’t a symptom we solely manage with medication or behavioral therapies (even though research shows these treatments work); it’s also a cue to search for its underlying cause. Like a detective, we can start by asking ourselves some exploratory questions. For instance, “How does anxiety show up in the body?” “What is it telling us?” and “What core emotions brew beneath our anxiety?” Illuminating anxiety’s relationship to underlying core emotions can lead to lasting change, emotion-focused researchers point out.

Core emotions like sadness, anger, fear, disgust, joy, excitement and sexual excitement affect the whole body to make it move in ways that help us survive and thrive. This is why fear mobilizes the body for running and anger gets us ready to fight. However, we also have another category of emotions called inhibitory emotions, more commonly known as anxiety, guilt and shame. The key to moving through anxiety lies in understanding the difference between core and inhibitory emotions.

As emotion-focused therapists and educators, Hilary and Juli teach patients about this relationship. Like a high-speed motor, anxiety revs us up, making it hard to think clearly because our thoughts and feelings become a threat. When we’re in this amped-up state, anxiety blocks core emotions, making it impossible to sense our emotional needs, let alone use them in ways that help us.

The good news, however, is that we don’t need to remain stuck. Anxiety can be a clue that we need to identify and experience our core emotions, which leads to calm and clarity.

The good news, however, is that we don’t need to remain stuck. Anxiety can be a clue that we need to identify and experience our core emotions, which leads to calm and clarity.

Here are some tools that can help untangle anxiety and make it work in our favor, not just in the moment but for years to come.

Acknowledge anxiety.          .          .

When children are flooded with big feelings, adults often tell them to “use their words,” because putting language on anxiety helps dial it down. Researchers call this “affect labeling.” One study found that naming negative emotions calmed down the amygdala, the part of the brain where feelings light up. When this happens, emotional reactivity loses its charge because the right and left parts of the brain become more connected, says psychiatrist and author Dr. Dan Siegel in his book Mindsight.

For instance, many of Hilary and Juli’s patients tell them they obsess over their mistakes or ruminate about work, which are common symptoms of anxiety. In situations like these, merely saying to yourself, “I feel anxious” can lead to what psychologist Diana Fosha, developer of Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy. calls a “click of recognition.” Naming our emotional experience is validating, which permits us to be authentic. In addition, accepting our emotions disarms the need for defense mechanisms—behaviors like overworking, denial and addiction that numb pain but suck up vital energy. Without the need for these Band-Aids, we’re better equipped to use our energy to engage in work and relationships.

Slow anxiety down.        .        .

When you’re anxious, a decisive step is to slow the body down with body-based tools like grounding and deep belly breathing.

When we’re in the throes of anxiety, being told to “take a deep breath” can come across as overly simple or downright aggravating. However, science tells us breathing can slow down anxiety’s engine. Neuroscientist Steven Porges, who developed “polyvagal theory,” says diaphragmatic breathing stimulates the vagus nerve, which triggers the body’s relaxation response. When this happens, stress hormones like cortisol decrease, and we feel immediate relief, say researchers.

When a patient tells us they’re worry-filled, we invite them to slow down their nervous system by saying, “Right now, can you give yourself permission to move away from your thoughts and into your body? Bring your attention to the soles of your feet as they meet the floor. Sense the firm ground underneath you.”

Next comes the invitation to shift into deep belly breathing. Hilary andJuli teach, “Take the deepest breath you can and send the air down to the base of your abdomen. Let your belly pop out like a Buddha and try to keep your chest down.”  They suggest placing one hand on the chest and the other on the belly to help with this process. Then, we teach them to hold their breath for one beat, then slowly release the breath through pursed lips like they’re blowing on hot soup. They coach folks to tune into their body during the whole breathing cycle so they can learn how to breathe in a maximally relaxing way.

Get curious about core emotions.     .     .

According to Dr. Judson Brewer, a physician and scientist, curiosity can be anxiety’s companion. Defined as the “desire to take in new information,” curiosity can open the mind to possibilities, which helps us search for novel solutions. Researcher Jordan Litman calls this “interest curiosity,” and studies show it can increase motivation and enhance learning. Thus, through curiosity’s lens, we can see anxiety as an invitation to identify our underlying core emotions.

To do this, Juli and Hilary encourage their patients to adopt a compassionate and non-judgmental stance toward themselves. Then, they invite them to scan their body from head to toe and notice where they feel anxiety. Next, they ask them to imagine moving the anxiety aside so they can notice what core emotions they are feeling. For example: “Is sadness there?” “Is anger there?” “Is excitement there?”

More than one core emotion may be present, and they can be opposite. For instance, we can feel sadness and anger at the same time. Noticing each core emotion can help us listen to the message they’re sending. Anxiety always has a more profound meaning. It’s never the end of the story; it’s the beginning.

Identify the conflict.        .        .

Anxiety can be a symptom of a deep inner conflict that’s throwing us into torturous thinking. For instance, some one may want to go home for the holidays but dread being with their parents, which causes them to ruminate and feel tense.

To get out of this bind, it helps to validate each side of the conflict, or as Hilary and Juli say in their practice, change the “but.” Doing so negates each opposing side to an “and,” which creates room for both feelings to coexist. For example, we can validate our desire to see our family, and honor the anger that their hurtful behaviors evoke. Then we can come up with solutions to deal with their behaviors—such as setting boundaries, which can include saying things like, “Dad, if you continue calling me names, I’ll leave.”

Sadly, our dysfunctional society, with its many antiquated myths about emotions, sends the message that anxiety is pathological or a genetic defect. But emotion education tools can turn this frightening foe into a wonderful teacher. In the end, anxiety isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of being human.     .     .

H           E           Y

QUESTION:
HAVE YOU WORRIED YET TODAY?
An Easier Question:
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WORRIED?
A not-so-smart-Question:
HAVE YOU EVER BENEFITED FROM WORRYING?

W            H            Y
Why am I writing this blog post?
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh
because the pulse in my wrist
sometimes beats
uncontrollably
and not in the way that brings me any kind of semblance of

P               E               A               C               E

.            .            .and guess what
the immediate remedy
can be but a
b                    r                    e                    a                    t                    h

a  w  a  y

BE ENOUGH OF
A CARING CATALYST
to your self
not so much to
WORRY LESS
but
WORRY BETTER
BLESS IT
one deep breath at a time.            .            .

NEIGHBOR (WON’T YOU BE MINE?)

By Leave a Comment

I grew up in Washington, PA just about 30 miles south of Pittsburgh in an age where you had 3 channels on the TV and the PBS Channel.          .          .and that’s the one that Mr Rogers owned; I usually would be ‘watching’ my two younger brothers before dinner as my mom and sister were setting the table and putting the finishing touches on our meal.

Just say the word, NEIGHBOR and the first thing that comes to my mind, is Mr. Rogers and his little jingle as he was changing into his sweater and getting into the meat of his show.

When I watched this new video by J J Heller it took me right back to our living room with the smell of meatloaf and mashed potatoes battling the warm smell of a cake my mom had baked and just freshly applied her whipped icing.

J J reminisces too:

“I watched a Mr. Rogers clip the other day that made me cry.

He said, “You know the toughest thing is to love somebody who has done something mean to you… it’s very important to look inside yourself and find that loving part of you. That’s the part that you must take good care of and never be mean to, because that’s the part of you that allows you to love your neighbor. And your neighbor is anyone you happen to be with any time of your life.”

I’m sure I won’t get it right every time, but I don’t want to stop trying.
I hope you don’t stop trying either.

“When the chasm between us feels so wide
That it’s hard to imagine the other side
But we don’t have to see things eye to eye
For me to love you like
You are my neighbor”

 

TO LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF
sometimes scares a lot of
N    E    I    G    H    B    O   R   S
.            .         well,
because sometimes
we just don’t love ourselves all that good.     .     .
but here, now,
may we love ourselves and our neighbors better;
may we tune in
and hear a humble, sincere invitation:

FALLING UP

By Leave a Comment

https://youtu.be/jJc_GXiYibE

I was captivated by this artist, Yoann Bourgeois and what he does on a trampoline

It kind of reminded me what we think about our lives and more importantly, what we don’t.

If your life is a story, it’s not a story about straight lines. It’s a story about curves, about turns, about stumbles and rebounds

If you’re not moving forward, you’re not living.
If you’re not growing, you’re not living.

Growth is life, Change is life, Stagnation is death.          .          .

You have to keep moving forward.
You have to keep changing.
You have to keep growing.
That’s what life is.

The path to success is not linear.
It comes with obstacles and challenges.
It goes up and down.

No stairs, no elevator, no worries!
You always have your INNER STRENGTH to forge your own path

So, no matter how many times you fall, NEVER GIVE UP on yourself and always keep pushing forward towards your goals and work on FALLING UP.         .          .

FALLING IS INEVITABLE.            .            .
MAKE SURE THAT BOUNCING BACK UPZ
IS TOO.          .          .

FRIENDLY(LESS)

By Leave a Comment

Come on everybody.          .          .
Let’s break out in a robust chorus of TOY STORY’S
YOU’VE GOT A FRIEND IN ME
o  r
did the Pandemic take care of
T  H  A    T,
t  o  o?

Did the Pandemic Make Us Less Friendly?

A new study observed rapid changes in personality during the pandemic, with people becoming less open, conscientious, agreeable, and extraverted.      .      .

JOLANTA BURKE Ph.D., is a chartered psychologist specializing in positive psychology and a senior lecturer at the Centre for Positive Psychology and Health at the RCSI University of Medicine and Health Sciences. She has authored eight books, the latest one The Ultimate Guide to Implementing Wellbeing Programmes for School published by Routledge.  She  recently  wrote  an  article  about  what  we  knew   had  to be  coming  after  these  past  few  years.

For many of us, some personality traits stay the same throughout our lives, while others change only gradually. However, evidence shows that significant events in our personal lives that induce severe stress or trauma can be associated with more rapid changes in our personalities.

A new study, published in PLOS ONE, suggests the COVID pandemic has indeed triggered much greater shifts in personality than we would expect to have seen naturally over this period. In particular, the researchers found that people were less extroverted, less open, less agreeable, and less conscientious in 2021 and 2022 compared with before the pandemic.

This study included more than 7,000 participants from the U.S., aged between 18 and 109, who were assessed before the pandemic (from 2014 onwards), early in the pandemic in 2020, and then later in the pandemic in 2021 or 2022.

At each time point, participants completed the “Big Five Inventory.” This assessment tool measures personality on a scale across five dimensions: extroversion versus introversion, agreeableness versus antagonism, conscientiousness versus lack of direction, neuroticism versus emotional stability, and openness versus closedness to experience.

There weren’t many changes between pre-pandemic and 2020 personality traits. However, the researchers found significant declines in extroversion, openness, agreeableness and conscientiousness in 2021/2022 compared with before the pandemic. These changes were akin to a decade of normal variation, suggesting the trauma of the COVID pandemic had accelerated the natural process of personality change.

Interestingly, younger adults’ personalities changed the most in the study. They showed marked declines in agreeableness and conscientiousness, and a significant increase in neuroticism in 2021/2022 compared with pre-pandemic. This may be due in part to social anxiety when emerging back into society, having missed out on two years of normality.

Personality and well-being

Many of us became more health-conscious during the pandemic, for example by eating better and doing more exercise. A lot of us sought whatever social connections we could find virtually, and tried to refocus our attention on psychological, emotional, and intellectual growth—for example, by practicing mindfulness or picking up new hobbies.

Nonetheless, mental health and well-being decreased significantly. This makes sense given the drastic changes we went through.

Notably, personality significantly impacts our well-being. For example, people who report high levels of conscientiousness, agreeableness, or extroversion are more likely to experience the highest level of well-being.

So the personality changes detected in this study may go some way to explaining the decrease in well-being we’ve seen during the pandemic.

If we look more closely, the pandemic appears to have negatively affected the following areas:

  • our ability to express sympathy and kindness toward others (agreeableness);
  • our capacity to be open to new concepts and willing to engage in novel situations (openness);
  • our tendency to seek out and enjoy other people’s company (extraversion);
  • our desire to strive toward our goals, do tasks well, or take responsibilities toward others seriously (conscientiousness).

All of these traits influence our interaction with the environment around us and, as such, may have played a role in our well-being decline. For example, working from home may have left us feeling demotivated and as though our career was going nowhere (lower conscientiousness). This in turn may have affected our well-being by making us feel more irritable, depressed, or anxious.

What next.        .        .        ?

Over time, our personalities usually change in a way that helps us adapt to aging and cope more effectively with life events. In other words, we learn from our life experiences and this subsequently impacts our personality. As we age, we generally see increases in self-confidence, self-control, and emotional stability.

However, participants in this study recorded changes in the opposite direction to the usual trajectory of personality change. This is understandable given that we faced an extended period of difficulties, including constraints on our freedoms, lost income, and illness. All these experiences have evidently changed us—and our personalities.

This study provides us with some very useful insights into the impacts of the pandemic on our psyche. These impacts may subsequently influence many aspects of our lives, such as well-being.

Knowledge allows us to make choices. So you might like to take the time to reflect on your experiences over the past few years, and how these personality changes may have affected you.

Any changes may well have protected you during the height of the pandemic. However, it’s worth asking yourself how useful these changes are now that the acute phase of the pandemic is behind us. Do they still serve you well, or could you try to rethink your perspective?

QUESTIONS WORTH EMBRACING
as we go about
not so much discovering
A n S w E r S
as actually
LIVING THEM
in new ways.          .           .

As we
Caring Catalysts
help others along
Their W a Y s

 

 

ALL-WAYS A SEASON

By Leave a Comment

In this era, where a lot of people are becoming more and more indifferent towards one another, kindness is coming at an expensive price. It is not often that you see people showing kindness towards others. BUT. . .I found this video recently where there was a prepared set of different videos to prove that wrong. Throughout the video, you can watch Santa providing warm clothes to homeless people or older woman praising stranger for doing cool tricks with skateboard and many others. As always I hope this afflicts the Caring Catalyst in you that by merely watching the video, you will realize that kindness in humanity hasn’t been lost completely and there are still people out there ready to show acts of kindness not only to their close ones, but also to any random strangers and make them emotional or even cry by their acts of kindness. THAT it’ll inspire you to bring a special warmth to Another’s CHILL.          .          .Enjoy watching the video.            .            .

AND REMEMBER:

MAKE MISTAKES

By Leave a Comment

If our Lives are like Books
We no doubt have many
LINES
PARAGRAPHS
PAGES
CHAPTERS
LARGE SECTIONS
we would rip out
So others would never see them
and we just might be able to forget them
b                    u                    t
if we could just learn from our mistakes
(especially the ones we make repeatedly)
we just might find
that we have no regrets
but some
MONUMENTAL MEMORIES.          .          .

Professional Speaker, Author, Assurance Man