The Caring Catalyst

Who Cares - What Matters

YES, PLEASE and THANK YOU

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T            H            I             S
is a picture that needs no caption
especially TIME of the year
when our already hectic lives go in to
C         H         A         O           S
m o d e
CRAZY ON STEROIDS.             .              .
where calm feels like just a word
but not a feeling
or another WAY.       .      .
which is why I dug deep into my files
and with the help of the
GREATER GOOD Editors
have provided some much needed
r e s p i t e
(IF YOU’LL TAKE IT TO HAVE IT)

Good Resources for Thriving Over the Holidays

Here are some articles that explore holiday stress management, managing conflict, picking gifts, making resolutions, and more.          .         .

The holidays can be rough—really rough at times; so here are literally dozens of articles and that try to help readers navigate the issues that arise when far-flung family members gather, everyone expects a present, and they all have an opinion. There are also some collected articles on making sense of this quickly-almost-gone-previous year and looking ahead to the new one. However you celebrate or are celebrated, here’s wishing you some severely-well-deserved-happy holidays!

Click to jump to a section:

Holiday stress management
New ways to think about gifting and celebration
The psychology of generosity and gratitude
Raising generous, grateful kids
Looking ahead to the new year

Holiday stress management

New ways to think about gifting and celebration

The psychology of generosity and gratitude

Raising generous, grateful kids

Looking ahead to the new year

It’s enough to just not get your wires crossed but to literally,
BLOW A CIRCUIT.            .          .
and here’s the biggest kicker of all,
it’s not that we don’t have the
R E S O U R C E S
of countless
WHAT TO DO’S
(uhhhhhhhhhhhh did you see how long this blog post is, already)
so much as utilizing them
plugging some of them in
and unplugging a few others
B                           U                          T
will you.          .         .

It just may be all of the difference between a really good or a really bad
h    o    l    i    d    a    y
(AND YOU GET TO CHOOSE.  .  .or let it CHOOSE FOR YOU)

PEOPLE PLEASER

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It’s really sneaky, in fact for me, it starts out with this one simple thing: CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG? I mean we all share the same biology can’t we just get along and make sure that we live and let live and if at any give opportunity, give someone the benefit of the doubt?  Maybe that’s what starts out for me, being a perpetually habitual lifelong people pleaser.         .           .and just when I think I am way past that and though it’s on my map, it’s in a place I use to be, but no longer am until I’m suddenly NOT.     .     .

That urge to BE ALL THINGS TO ALL PEOPLE THAT I MAY SAVE SOME AND SERVE ALL still JACK-OUT-OF-THE-BOX jumps out of me; hence, I’m always interested in any information that identifies the PEOPLE PLEASER in me and more, hints at what to do about it

People-pleasers are at a higher risk

of burnout,

says Harvard-trained psychologist—

how to spot the signs.     .     .

Westend61 | Westend61 | Getty Images

The price of being a people-pleaser can be steep — especially for your mental health.

People-pleasers are especially prone to burnout at work, says Debbie Sorensen, a Harvard-trained clinical psychologist based in Denver.

″They tend to be very kind, thoughtful people, which makes it that much harder for them to set boundaries, not take on too much work or get emotionally invested in their jobs,” says Sorensen.

And being a constant yes-person is a double-edged sword: You might feel guilty telling others “no,” and resentment every time you say “yes.”

You don’t need to let go of your people-pleasing tendencies entirely to avoid burnout — past research has shown that being polite, friendly and supportive at work are all important traits that can help you be more productive and happier in your job.

The difference, Sorensen explains, is that people-pleasers tend to have difficulty setting boundaries, which can be “really exhausting” and lead to “chronic stress,” she warns.

3 signs people-pleasing is hurting your mental health and career

If you frequently take on more responsibility than you can comfortably manage because you’re afraid of disappointing someone, your people-pleasing tendencies could be pushing you to the brink of burnout.

While people-pleasing looks different for everyone at work, Sorensen says there are three common signs to watch out for:

  • Saying “yes” to every request for help, even if it interrupts your own work
  • Disregarding your feelings when something is done or said that upsets you because you fear potential conflict
  • Agreeing to unrealistic assignment deadlines

People-pleasing isn’t just dangerous for your career because it can lead to burnout — it can make you lose sight of your own needs and professional goals.

“When you are constantly putting other people’s needs before your own, it becomes that much harder to focus on your work and advance in your career,” says Sorenson.

How to stop being a people-pleaser at work and avoid burnout

The first step in alleviating overwhelm and burnout is learning how to set boundaries.

“It can be uncomfortable to set boundaries at work, but next time you’re tempted to pile more responsibilities on your plate, pause and ask yourself if you really want, or need, to take that on. And fight the knee-jerk reaction to say ‘yes’ to everything,” says Sorensen.

Curbing burnout and letting go of the habits that might be doing you more harm than good is an imperfect process that takes time, says Sorensen, so be consistent in your efforts, but try to avoid the pitfalls of self-criticism.

Don’t look at saying “no” as a reflection of your self-worth or capabilities. Instead, think of setting boundaries as you protecting your energy, goals and priorities so you can be a more effective employee, says Sorensen.

“You just have to keep tuning in and reminding yourself that time off from work, in any amount, is really, really important,” she adds, whether it’s resisting the urge to work after-hours or taking a longer lunch break. “We all deserve the time and space to recharge.”

BEING A CARING CATALYST doesn’t mean fulfilling every need, every time, it means taking the Light of your day and sharing as it has been shared; no need to ever make the SIMPLE, COMPLICATED–EVER

LIGHTING ANOTHER’S CANDLE IS THE SUREST WAY TO MAKE SURE THAT NEITHER OF YOU WILL EVER WALK IN DARKNESS.    .    .or suffer from BURNOUT

FUNNY BUSINESS

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A few years ago I became a
C L L
.           .           .that’s right,
a real bonafide
CERTIFIED LAUGHTER LEADER
even though
LAUGHING
and attempting to make people
H A P P Y(IER)
has been a life long pursuit of mine.            .          .
enter the infamous JOYOLOGIST
STEVE WILSON and his beautiful bride, Pamela
I attended their WORLD LAUGHTER TOUR

Steve Wilson| Psychologist | The Joyologist | Cheerman of the Bored
Director-National Humor Month
http://www.worldlaughtertour.com
http://www.humormonth.com
http://www.stevewilson.com
http://www.laughterfoundation.org
Skype: s_h_wilson
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/World-Laughter-Tour/57984062492
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stevehwilson
Twitter: (@joyologist)
Phone: 614-855-4733
Blog: http://www.laughterandhumor.blogspot.com
and it was literally
LIFE CHANGING.          .          .
I have had the privilege/pleasure of actually hosting several LAUGHTER SESSIONS and have shared some of those techniques in several of the presentations I do and believe me, no pun intended.          .          .
THIS IS NO FUNNY BUSINESS,
in fact the one simple-start-using-it-at-this-very-second-give-a-away
IS FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT.         .          .
That’s right, even fake laughing for a mere 15-30 seconds gives you all of the health benefits of actually laughing as if you were watching your favorite comedy or having a laughfest with your friends.          .          .
In fact, SMILING has the same kind of benefits, especially when you feel the least like cracking a smile.          .          .
and yet even FAKE SMILING  opens wide those big Carotid arteries that supply the head and neck with oxygenated blood and instantly changes your mood and demeanor.        .       .
FUNNY BUSINESS
This past Sunday, Steve DIRECT MESSAGED me the image below
It made me take a look at a pile of books I had in a corner section of the library I have in my basement and WHAAAAAAA-LAAAAAAAA I found this
Lord Is a Whisper at Midnight https://a.co/d/bW9xGyH
book that I hadn’t opened in a while but slid in a chair on a rainy afternoon and let it READ ME as much as I pursued it.          .          .
FUNNY BUSINESS

I was COLOR BLINDED no more and the smiles weren’t fake
THANK YOU, STEVE WILSON
for HOW-TO
that made the WANT-TO
feel kind of
F  U  N  N  Y
naturally.          .          .

Pie Before The DAY

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What’s  YOUR  Piece of Pie?

Mine is Pecan Pie.       .      .

but Pumpkin will do just fine.       .        .

ESPECIALLY    IF    I    DON’T    WAIT    UNTIL    THANKSGIVING    DAY

You?

Who was your best friend in 6th grade?

I had about two or three of them who we all hung out together

before, during and especially after school.

We were in Mrs. Glass’s class

and she was looking right at Louie Pepino and I

as she told us the story about the Ant and the Grasshopper?

Remember it?

The Grasshopper wasted his hold Summer playing and having fun while the Ant worked hard every day to prepare for the long Winter ahead and sure enough, when the Winter came, because the Grasshopper did no planning but just fooled around and had fun every day he died, while the Ant was nice and cozy enjoying the rewards of his hard work during the Summer.

I’ll never forget what Louie said to Mrs. Glass after she told this story.

“Mrs. Glass.       .       .

the Ant died one day too, didn’t he?  

And.          .          .

and he never lived or had any fun at all.”

K                          A                          B                        A                          M

Louie   got   detention   for   a   week

and didn’t have many Grasshopper moments after school

but he sure did become quite a Teacher,

himself  in class that day.           .           .

one that I unfortunately mostly have forgotten than remembered.      .      .     .

Y    O   U ?

If   you   think   that   being   a

C   a   r   i   n   g        C   a   t   a   l   y   s   t

means being more of an Ant than a Grasshopper.    .    .

t  h  i  n  k     a  g  a  i  n

It’s  even  more  than  just

about   balance.

It  means  having  Pumpkin  Pie  before  Thanksgiving

J     U     S     T             B     E     C     A     U     S     E

Somewhere in the 1990’s the term,

C o m p a s s i o n    F a t i g u e

became very vogue in describing the mental distancing

some healthcare professionals as a way to protect themselves.

According to Carol Taylor, Director of the Center for Clinical Bioethics at Georgetown University in Washington, DC, she states setting realistic goals is key:

“You go into healthcare because you want to save or help people.  Nowhere along the way does anyone tell you that doing good might be (end of life) hospice treatment, instead of the next best drug trial.  We need to train and culture healthcare workers that this is a natural part of all of this.  It doesn’t mean that someone failed.  It’s getting to the point where it’s as acceptable to progress in a path toward a peaceful death as opposed to ‘I’m going to fight ever last inch’ Because you do get set up to think you’ve failed.”

THE   LITERATURE

now suggests that we maintain a professional network of people who are also dealing with the same issues;

that we exercise,

that we read,

that we spend significant time away from ‘the office’

 and more time with family

and friends,

maintain our sense of humor

and that we have more

G   R   A   S   S   H  O  P  P  E  R      M  O  M  E  N  T  S

and  less

ANT   CONSEQUENCES

.      .      .that we have a Piece of Pie.      .      .

not  just  ONCE

but  in

A   W  H  I  L  E,

too!

So.       .       .

how about that piece of pie,

ANT  BETTY?

Psssssssssssst:

Mrs Glass may not be all that happy,

but hey,

even she likes a good piece of pie—-

even if it’s not Thanksgiving!

Hmmmmmmmmmmm:

(HAVE   A   SECOND   PIECE!)

The FINISH Line

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Ever been lost.        .       .

Ever feel like the  FINISH  LINE   is never in view

.          .        .that it doesn’t exist

.          .        .that it’s a myth

.          .        .that it’s an illusion

.          .        .that it’s really just an never-ending STARTING LINE

It was an absolute risk

for sure to be a new minister

and go out and run a race before

Sunday Morning services

but I lied to myself

in a most horrible way

and was convinced I could be back easily before

the first hymn.        .        .

I felt that all the way up until

a group of 40-50 of us

followed the wrong leader

and ended up at a secluded dead end path

a good two miles off the path of a 10K (6.2 mile) race

and then all of a sudden my heart began beating a different pace.        .        .

forget about winning the race

forget about placing first in my age group

forget about finishing ahead of the fastest group of women

forget about finishing

I just wanted to get back to my car

go back the 45 minutes to church

throw on a shirt, tie, a pair of dress slacks,

DRESS SHOES

and my robe

without as much as a sponge bath

.        .       .this was way before cell phones

and there was no place to put up a smoke signal

or a viable S.   O.  S.

I never made it to the FINISH LINE that day

and barely to Church Services

.          .          .it was not the FINISH LINE I envisioned

but one I continue to  F E A R

I have found myself

on the same kind of path

many different times without ever lacking up a pair of running shoes.       .       .

I really think I’ve cured the curse of

B U R N     O U T

(for me)

it just means NOT taking the logs off the fire

.          .          .but they have to be the   RIGHT  logs

.          .           .I know I can burn the Candle at both ends and in the middle

because (for me) I know where to get

the wax and the wick

E          V          E          R          Y          T          I          M          E :

it’s the endless RACE

the one that has no FINISH LINE

the one that when you get to where

the one that when you get to what

you think the FINISH LINE is

IT       I S N ‘ T

and you just keep going

and going

and going and

 g                              o                               i                              n                              g

You know what I’m talking about:

The day’s over and so are you

but just as you reach the FINISH LINE

and you’re pulling into home

you get a text

pick up this

or get that

and  OFF  you go

PAST      WHAT      YOU      THOUGHT      WAS      A

O            U            C            H

and  your  run  exhaustingly  continues

and you don’t dare stop

because you’re out in the middle of nowhere

and there’s only one way out of

N    O          W    H    E    R    E :

through  it

one foot in front of the other

just not so gingerly

or enthusiastically.          .          .

The Cure?

Don’t just run.        .         .

RUN   SMARTER.          .          .

RUN  WHILE CREATING YOUR OWN

It’s only then

that you not only OUT RUN

Burn Out

but obliterate it

By becoming

YOUR   OWN

Race Director

it’s a cinch you’ll stack the odds in such a way

that you’ll not only set your own personal best record time

not only place or show

but actually win

and not just in your age group

or every once in a while

or by reaching  T H E I R

but seeing in a good way

others will be joining in on your RACE

and winning in their own ways, too.          .          .

R E M E M B E R.       .       .

The       B       O       T       T       O       M       L       I       N      E

is   not   the  FINISH   LINE–

It’s   more   powerful.     .     .

And   here   it     i  s :

THE   FINISH  LINE   IS  WHERE  YOU  SAY  IT  IS.        .        .

the   problem:

You’re    usually    the    last    one    to    KNOW     IT

 

When You Can’t Feel, T O U C H

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Sometimes it happens. . .

THE   WELL

THE   HEALTHY

become the unhealthy.      .      .

the   U N – W e l l

.    .    .    .and it ain’t  pretty.

The Statistics aren’t all that promising and back up the UN-PRETTY-NESS of it all.     .     .

A recent study, finds that one quarter of all family caregivers of Alzheimer’s disease patients succumb to the stress of providing care to a loved one and often become hospital patients themselves.

Specifically, Indiana University researchers discovered that a quarter of family caregivers of Alzheimer’s dementia patients had at least one emergency room visit or hospitalization EVERY SIX MONTHS

Caregiving is not easy. . .even when you get paid the big bucks for it

Caregiving is not easy.      .        .even when it’s your Lifestyle,   and not just your profession

Caregiving is not easy.    .    .

even  when  it’s  absolutely  easy  from  time  to  time

The Murder/Suicide rate among senior adult couples is some  50% HIGHER  than younger adults

S H O C K I N G ?

Some  40%  of family members caring for a loved one with dementia suffer from signs of mental distress, according to a new study from the Canadian Institute for Health Information.

Some literally see Suicide as a  C U R E

.           .           .So is there a Remedy?

When  you  can’t  feel.       .       . 

T      O      U      C      H

  • Maintain some kind of life outside of caregiving; have friends, routines, hobbies and USE THEM
  • Keep healthy; get check-ups, eat and drink right; e x e r c   i   s     e
  • Breathe; I recently heard a great technique for this:  SNIFF IN,  BLOW  OUT
  • Join a support group; not always for what someone can   GIVE   you, but what you might be able to share

Wait.        .        .is that too simple

Wait.        .        .is that too cost effective

Wait.         .         .

is   it   that   easy

P s s s s s s t.           .           .

Y        E        S

So.      .      .

when  you can’t

f      e      e      l ,

t         o         u         c         h

and see the results for the

Touched

and the

Touch’er

Professional Speaker, Author, Assurance Man