W H E N
is a
BUS RIDE
much more than just a
B U S
R I D E. . .
Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
(not just when you make it one)
WHEN YOU REALIZE
K N O W
that it is. . .
Sometimes the greatest ride
is when you realize
you’re not alone
(and one you love makes it a beautiful journey)
YOU: A (S) HERO
Most of the time
we don’t see ourselves as
(S) HEROES
TAKE A CLOSER LOOK
We often look to do the EXTRAORDINARY
instead of just taking the ORDINARY
and bringing our
E X T R A
to it. . .
NOW THAT’S TRULY (S)HEROIC
It’s all that’s necessary. . .
Not just
YOU BEING YOU
but simply bringing your
YOU-NESS
to the moment before you. . .
Yeah,
(S)HEROIC
YOU:
A (S) HERO
BROKEN PIECES
Our Broken Pieces
never cut
wound
or cause scarsThey are incisions
in the soul
that never need a
stitch or a stapleThe closing
would be the
worst injury
of all
S h A t T e R e D
escapes it
IT SO IMPORTANT
TO KNOW
RE-LEARN
S H O W
to be more of
A CARING CATALYST
than ever before
(EVERY BROKEN PIECE OF YOU)
GROWING OLDER
T H I S
quote by Mr Palahniuk,
Author of the FIGHT CLUB
isn’t the nicest or classiest way
to open up
A Caring Catalyst
Monday Morning Blog
about growing older
which some equate to
d e c a y i n g
d y i n g. . .
It’s like choosing:
YOU LOOK LIKE THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING
or
THE LAST DAY OF WINTER
and sometimes
we’re not doing the choosing. . .
So kick back
breathe deep
and exhale loudly
as you
W A T C H
(I think you’ll agree, not just in this blog…but often THE ENDING is better than
THE BEGINNING)
WHEN CHRISTMAS ISN’T (OVER)
IT WAS JUST TWO WEEKS AGO. . .
C H R I S T M A S
but it might as well be
TWO YEARS AGO. . .
Seriously,
does it feel like it was just
two weeks?
. . .and more importantly,
IS IT OFFICIALLY OVER?
When Christmas has seemingly been
CURB-SIDED
is it over
When Christmas Isn’t (Over) is it. . .
If you’d think so
If you’d bet on it
then read a real life
Act of Kindness
that took place at Heinens
a local grocery store
A truly vivid-in-color unforgettable act of kindness:
This morning I was grocery shopping at Heinens and as the grocery store clerk was informing me of my total I realized that I had left my debit card in my car. This adorable woman in line behind me comes running up to the credit card machine and offers to use her credit card and let me pay her back via Venmo. Once my transaction is complete, I head back over to her so we can exchange our info and settle up. She wouldn’t let me pay her back and bought my groceries! I was literally speechless and quite emotional. What she didn’t know is tomorrow is the ten year anniversary of me losing my eldest child in an accident and I’m always a little scatter-brained and off this time of year. That I just recently went through a divorce, have had to move, haven’t been able to go back to work so that I can e-learn with my two sweet kids and haven’t seen my family in months. I guess what I’m trying to say is that she could never have known all that I’m going through, and her extreme act of kindness has touched me so deeply and profoundly. I hear of these things happening, but I’ve never been on the receiving end of such a kind gesture. I would love to know who you are to formerly thank you. And seriously…I’ll pay you back! Thank you!!!
Well. . .
Maybe just maybe
CHRISTMAS
isn’t over until you say so
(or worse, SHOW it is)
m a y b e
WHEN CHRISTMAS ISN’T (OVER)
Carols play
Lights Sparkle
Bells Ring
Carolers Sing
Trees Get Decorated
Tinsel Glitters
Cookies Get Baked
Parties Get Partied
Gifts Are Given
Presents Get Opened
Hands Get Held
Kisses Last Longer
Hugs Are Tighter
Snow Is Prettier
Cold is Warmed
When Christmas isn’t (Over)
You Aren’t
When Christmas Isn’t (Over)
Begin And Begin And Begin
is the Refrain to every song
Without a hint of Evergreen
Without a warm glow of Candle Light
To lead you from
A Now
to
For An Ever
When Christmas Isn’t (Over)
BOOK IT
Be the Everliving Proof. . .
((( I wrote this blog post about an unforgettable Act of Kindness last weekend after I saw the blog post on the Secret Bay page way before the the annivisary events that took place at the Capital on 1/6 in 2021. We just observed the unfortunate events that took place a year ago, yesterday. Does it fit? Should I have scrapped the Post and harshly and vehemently denounced what appeared in living vivid color on our televisions/device’s and now what we are being reminded of a year later? Well, I chose to prove one of the points I have literally devoted my life: THAT CHRISTMAS ISN’T (OVER), isn’t a day or a Season so much as a lifestyle and now more than ever needs to be lived and most especially experienced. As a fellow Caring Catalyst, join me; please join me. )))
CHRISTMAS when it ISN’T
I want to live in a World
where it’s
C H R I S T M A S
m o s t
WHEN IT ISN’T
where
PEACE ON EARTH
isn’t a dream
where
GOODWILL
is standard
where
PRESENTS
aren’t so much given
as GIVEN
where
my Best
becomes your BETTER
where
words don’t describe
but our ACTIONS do
where
SILENT NIGHT
shouts
what a heart beats
and a mouth can’t begin to whisper
where
______________
we fill in all of the blanks
where
a forever
is lived in a moment
that needs no years
or eternity
where
(oh where)
it all begins in me
but quickly
spreads infectiously to
o t h e r s
(continuously)
EMPATHY, STAT!
QUESTION:
IF WE ALL NEED IT
IF WE ALL WANT IT
IF WE ALL POSSESS IT
WHY
WHY
WHY
is there a shortage of
E M P A T H Y
? ? ?
The World is in need of so very much
right now
and we may well find out
that pandemics
vaccines
boosters
and interventions
come and go
but
e m p a t h y
is still in need
of being
g i v e n
r e c e i v e d
For a More Empathic World,
People Have to Choose Empathy. . .
Can it be
that simple. . . ?
Most people know how to feel others’ pain, But they have to be motivated to do it. . .
ELIZABETH SVOBODA a freelance journalist for GREATER GOO, took a deeper look into this EMPATHY phenomena that hopefully, in just a blog post can help us all be a little bit better Caring Catalyst’s JUST BECAUSE!
In the late 1990s, Najah Bazzy, a nurse in Dearborn, Michigan, made a house call to an Iraqi refugee family to check on their premature baby. When she arrived, she was shocked by how barren their home looked. The family had almost nothing: no stove, no fridge. The adults slept on the carpet. The baby—who’d gone home on a ventilator—was in a laundry basket, wrapped up in a towel.
Viscerally feeling the family’s hardship, Bazzy swung into action. She collected her relatives’ extra appliances and household goods and dropped them off that same day. But the impact of her house call lingered much longer. As Bazzy reflected on the widespread poverty in her city, she promised herself she’d work to spare other families the pain she’d witnessed.
We tend to think about empathy as an automatic response, like a parachute that deploys when we see someone in distress. But a new study suggests that while most of us have the capacity to feel other people’s pain, we are more inclined to exercise that capacity when we have the desire to do so, as Bazzy did.
That means focusing on this desire—our motivation to understand other people’s emotions and perspectives—could be an important way to awaken our own empathy and promote a more empathic society.
The empathy reflex
Empathy sometimes feels as instinctive and immediate as pulling your hand back from a hot stove. “When we see a stroke aimed and just ready to fall on the leg or arm of another person,” philosopher Adam Smith wrote in 1790, “we naturally shrink back our own leg or our own arm.” This can seem like a very primal phenomenon. After all, when a child starts crying, others as young as one or two may join in.
But while empathy can activate in hair-trigger fashion, this activation is by no means guaranteed. Your response to a hungry person crouched on the sidewalk, or to a struggling refugee family, depends on a number of factors: What is your own past history? What does the person in need look like? Who else is with you, and how are they reacting to what they see?
In attempting to help people grow their empathy, past empathy training programs have tended to gloss over such situational factors. Instead, they’ve focused on strengthening people’s emotional acumen by teaching skills like “perspective taking”—training students to see things from someone else’s point of view—or how to pick up on others’ emotions. However, follow-up studies of these programs sometimes show that their impact fades over time.
“The idea that all empathy interventions need to bolster skills is an oversight,” says Harvard University psychologist Erika Weisz. “Most people already have those skills.”
But she’s noticed that people choose not to use them in certain situations. A Boston Red Sox fan might be capable of empathizing with a New York Yankees jersey-wearer, but in the midst of a three-run Red Sox streak, the Bostonian might not feel inclined to share in the New Yorker’s anguish.
In their new study, Weisz and her colleagues focused on instilling empathy by boosting people’s motivation to identify with others. The results were striking: When researchers fueled students’ desire to empathize, the students were more accurate at pinpointing what others were feeling two months later. Some of them also reported making more close friends.
Amping up motivation
Weisz and her team, including Stanford University psychologist Jamil Zaki, recruited college freshmen, who naturally have their antennae perked to the social nuances of their environment. “When students get to campus, they have this huge spike in openness to experience,” Weisz says. “We were in a good position to see how motivation works in the wild.”
The team tested three different ways to increase students’ motivation to empathize with others. In one study, participants read a letter that was allegedly from a freshman having a hard time adjusting to high school. They were then advised to write back and tell the freshman that they could work on building up their empathy—and that doing so would help them connect with their classmates.
This setup encouraged letter-writers to embrace the concept that empathy can be strengthened, Weisz explains. “When we ask a participant to endorse a statement to another person, they tend to endorse those beliefs themselves.” That, in turn, could boost their motivation to brush up on their empathy, because they believe their efforts will pay off.
In another study, the researchers gave students reading material that promoted empathy as a social norm, including testimonials from other students about the importance of empathy in their lives. Participants then wrote letters to high school freshmen that stressed how empathy was normal, promoted, and expected in their community. A third group of students, the “combined” group, took part in an activity that blended elements of the first two exercises, and a control group simply wrote letters addressing students’ academic challenges.
The results supported Weisz’s hunch that ratcheting up people’s motivation would strengthen their empathy. Participants in each study showed higher accuracy when asked to describe what people who spoke in a video were feeling, compared to the control group. These effects were “sticky,” as Weisz puts it, lasting for at least eight weeks after the studies ended.
Members of the combined group also reported making more close friends at college, possibly due to their empathic savvy—something Weisz says may set them up for success later in life. “Having that level of social integration is really important. It predicts all sorts of outcomes for well-being,” she says.
How desire drives empathy
Getting motivated to feel someone’s pain doesn’t necessarily involve thinking to yourself, “My friends understand what this person is feeling, so I’ll try to do so,” or “I can strengthen my own empathy, so I definitely should.” Like other kinds of influence, motivation often operates on an unconscious level, shaping our priorities in profound ways over time.
Bazzy’s life trajectory illustrates how this can work. Her hometown of Dearborn, near Detroit, was rich with refugees from different countries who were always ready to help one another. “Neighbors sat on the front porch and they shared food. Children would go from house to house,” Bazzy told CNN’s Kathleen Toner. “And just the amount of care that people had for each other—this is where I learned to love my neighbor.”
Like the people in Weisz’s study, Bazzy absorbed social norms that put a high value on empathy, motivating her to do the same. Other research suggests that social influences, especially early ones, can seamlessly promote this kind of value structure. In a seminal study of Holocaust rescuers, those who saved people from the Nazis often had compassionate role models within their families, which helped awaken their desire to serve others.
When the time was right, that deep-rooted motivation inspired Bazzy to serve her community on a larger scale. Helping the struggling refugee family and their premature baby reminded Bazzy of just how many people were in similar straits, and in 2004, she formally established a nonprofit called Zaman International to serve families in poverty all over metro Detroit. To date, Zaman has delivered essentials like furniture, food, and job training to over 250,000 people.
How to inspire empathy
Having demonstrated that motivation can influence empathy, Weisz, Zaki, and their colleagues are thinking about how this finding could improve empathy training programs. One of the keys, Weisz says, will be for program designers to take participants’ unique needs and desires into account. An effective workplace empathy course will probably look quite different from one designed for college students; what works will depend on what drives people’s motivations in each case.
If young employees at a startup are anxious to please their bosses, those bosses could focus on sending the clear message—through actions as well as words—that they value empathy in the workers they oversee. If a group of doctors pride themselves on being the best at what they do, facilitators could point out that patients with empathic doctors have better health, which reflects well on the doctors. And because middle schoolers are so attuned to their friends’ choices, Weisz has experimented with showing seventh-graders videos of their peers talking about the benefits of empathy.
“This approach holds promise to complement skill-building and create a menu of empathy-enhancing options that are tailored to people’s needs,” says Zaki.
Weisz’s study results also lend insight into how we can motivate our own empathy in various contexts, from volunteering to rescuing someone in dire straits. When you surround yourself with others who consider empathy a cardinal virtue, that social norm will likely start to rub off on you, as it did on the students in Weisz’s trials. And when you believe you can hone your empathic savvy through effort—a “growth mindset” approach to empathy—you’ll be more inclined to do it.
“People are excited and invested to increase their empathy if they think they can,” Weisz says. “A lot of people think of empathy as a static trait. Targeting motivations imparts lasting changes.”
TRUE OR FALSE
Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
The only way to truly answer this
un-mathematical equation
is to
SHOW YOUR WORK
. . .NOW
is no time to talk of
e m p a t h y
IT IS TIME
to be
EMPATHY
(STAT)
F R I T T E R I N G
We all do it
. . .in fact,
it may be the one thing that every single one of us are
E X P E R T S:
F R I T T E R I N G
SOMETIMES BEING ALL THINGS TO ALL PEOPLE
MEANS BEING NOTHING
TO NO ONE. . .
We are all so busy
DOING THE BUSY
that we let the
PRECIOUS
slip us by
without much noticing it
. . .THE EXTRA of the o r d i n a r y
and then much to late
with much less than an
exhausted sigh
it’s ALL gone. . .
WE WISH FOR MUCH
but seldom for
the REALIZATION OF NOW
the RIGHT HERE
the MOMENT
the NOW
NOT TODAY
NOT EVER
as long as you ask often:
WELL. . .
What answer you
Never make a
QUESTION
what you can have as a
LIFE STYLE STATEMENT
FRITTER ON
(no more)
BUG ME
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
There is no
NATIONAL BUG ME DAY
and maybe there’ll never be
such a day
but today
right now
right here
I wanted to invite
or no pun
i n t e n d e d
PUT A BUG IN YOUR EAR
to do one simple thing:
CHECK IN WITH THAT PERSON
WHO MATTERS TO YOU
BUG’EM
. . .One you haven’t talked to in a while
BUG’EM
YOU KNOW WHO I’M TALKING ABOUT
B U Z Z
B U Z Z
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
GO BUG SOMEONE TODAY
Make someOne feel like it’s their
NATIONAL HOLIDAY
(. . .yeah, it’s that simple)
T E N D E R N E S S
In this video, Trui Snyman reminds us that carving out a little solitude in a fast-paced world can make a world of difference to our health and wellbeing. She encourages us to be more gentle, not only with others, but with ourselves too.
What feelings/thoughts/questions surface for you in viewing Trui’s story?
How does Trui’s story move you?
Are you too busy going nowhere and feeling like you’re getting there?
What brings out your TENDERNESS?
Is being a Caring Catalyst a weakness?
Are some of the things that popped through my mind when I was watching this. . .
F U N N Y
When I read the video transcript, I had a different feeling. . .
Y O U
Video Transcript
“I read somewhere that worry is like sitting in a rocking chair. It keeps you busy but it gets you nowhere.
If you asked me six years ago if I was happy or if I wanted to see tomorrow or if I wanted to see next year I would have said, no. That’s a really terrible place to be. I didn’t even smile. Because life was too busy, that’s why.
We race so quickly through life that we’re blind to it, we’re deaf to it, we’re numb to it. We’ve become desensitized because we are in too much of a hurry. Did I notice the phases of the moon? Did I notice whether it was winter, summer, autumn, or spring? There was no time for that.
Should we not rather look at life through the eyes of a child? There is something new to discover, every day. What feeds your soul? If small things don’t feed your soul, what will?
People are hard, hard, hard. People are hard on each other, people are hard on themselves. Tenderness… We could all do with more tenderness. If you feel you need ten minutes to yourself just to sit and relax, why not. We have the right to invest in ourselves. Half an hour, just half an hour each day. Maybe you use that half hour to walk outside. Whether you shut yourself in your bedroom and read a book or you lie and soak in an herbal bath, that time is just for you. Forget the emails, forget the telephone.
My quality of life and my health have improved, just by taking things a little more slowly. Do yourself a favor and be a little more gentle with yourself. So yes, life is actually beautiful. But I’m still learning. Starting to learn…to be more gentle with myself.”
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