SOMETIMES
even the best Words
need not to be spoken or sung
but still understood
just the same. . .
P L E A S E
just listen
not to hear
not to reply
but to actively respond. . .
a n d
p l e a s e
Who Cares - What Matters
SOMETIMES
even the best Words
need not to be spoken or sung
but still understood
just the same. . .
P L E A S E
just listen
not to hear
not to reply
but to actively respond. . .
a n d
p l e a s e
Your Brain on Loneliness
is like trying to read a small print
prescription bottle label in a pillowcase
with sunglasses on. . .
Murky
Foggy
A shadow of a shadow
A dream right before you wake up
that makes you question if it’s sleep
or a sad excuse of
sharp-sightedness
real or imagined
myth or fact
at best. . .
which begs the wondering
as we swim through this
COVID-19
s l u d g e:
A growing amount of research shows loneliness could be linked to a range of health problems. Erin Carson recently reported some of these effects.
People were already lonely before the coronavirus pandemic hit. Before COVID-19 stranded folks at home and made getting close to others an unnerving experience, researchers were realizing Americans were lonelier than ever.
A 2018 study from health care insurer Cigna found that 54% of 20,000 Americans surveyed reported feeling lonely. In the span of a bit more than a year, the number rose to 61%. Generation Z adults 18-22 years old are supposedly the loneliest generation, outpacing Boomers, Gen X and Millennials, despite being more connected than ever.
Loneliness has hit epidemic proportions, said Doug Nemecek, chief medical officer at Cigna.
More troubling: A growing body of research suggesting that being lonely for a sustained period of time could be bad for people’s physical and mental wellbeing.
That same study from Cigna placed associated health risks on par with smoking and obesity.
An 2018 article in The Lancet described the situation like this: “Imagine a condition that makes a person irritable, depressed and self-centered, and is associated with a 26% increase in the risk of premature mortality.”
But these are strange times. As a result of COVID-19, keeping distance from others is the safest way to stay healthy, despite the fact it could compound feelings of isolation. It’s a new reason to consider how loneliness can impact everything from your brain, to your heart, to your immune system.
Loneliness might conjure images of being apart from friends and family, but the feeling runs much deeper than not having plans on a Friday night or than going stag to a wedding. Evolutionarily, being part of a group has meant protection, sharing the workload and increased odds of survival. After all, humans take a long time to mature. We need our tribes.
“It’s very distressing when we are not a part of a group,” said Julianne Holt-Lundstad, professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University. “We have to deal with our environment entirely on our own, without the help of others, which puts our brain in a state of alert, but that also signals the rest of our body to be in a state of alert.”
Staying in that state of alert, that high state of stress, means wear and tear on the body. Stress hormones like cortisol and norepinephrine can contribute to sleeplessness, weight gain and anxiety over extended periods of exposure, according to the Mayo Clinic.
The pandemic, Holt-Lundstad pointed out, is possibly the most stressful experience many people have had in their lifetime. Daily life has been upended, unemployment has skyrocketed and more than 6 million people around the world have been infected. Normally, immense challenges like those would have you seeking the reassurance and support of family and friends. But due to the nature of virus, people are at least more physically alone than ever, making it that much harder to cope.
Loneliness is something almost everyone can relate to, but scientists are still working to understand how and why it impacts health. One of the fundamental challenges of the research: Loneliness is a subjective feeling that can’t really be measured. Not even the size of a person’s social network can guarantee how lonely they are.
Holt-Lundstad said it’s a matter of asking people how they feel in surveys, either directly (how often would you say you’re lonely?) or indirectly (do you feel you lack companionship?).
NASA has been studying the effects of isolation and confinement on astronauts for years, coming to some of the same conclusions as myriad other studies: Isolating conditions can lead to cognitive and behavioral issues. Elsewhere, though, researchers are looking at biological aspects of loneliness and how it physically affects the body.
That can mean looking at brains. . .
Researchers at the Rush Alzheimer’s Disease Center in Chicago studied 823 older adults during a four-year period. They used questionnaires to assess loneliness, classifications of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease, as well as tests of the participants’ thinking, learning and memory, and assigned a loneliness score between 1 and 5. They found a person’s risk factor for Alzheimer’s increased 51% for each point on the scale.
Autopsies were performed on those who died during the study. Loneliness wasn’t shown to cause the “hallmark brain changes associated with Alzheimer’s disease, including nerve plaques and tangles, or tissue damaged by lack of blood flow.” However, one researcher involved in the study, Robert S. Wilson, said loneliness could make people more vulnerable to the “deleterious effects of age-related neuropathology.”
“Loneliness [can] be a good predictor of accelerated cognitive decline,” said Turhan Canli, professor of integrative neuroscience at Stony Brook University.
How exactly loneliness links up with health issues isn’t entirely understood. One idea, Canli said, is that if someone is lonely and feeling down on themselves, they might be less likely to take care of themselves. They might not eat right. They might drink too much, worry a lot, sleep too little. Habits like those can have longer-term effects.
Canli also talked about work he’s been involved in with another researcher at the Rush Alzheimer’s Disease Center, David Bennett, that explores how different genes are expressed in people who are or are not lonely.
Some 30 years ago, Bennett started a longitudinal study whose participants agreed not only to annual physical and psychological checkups, but to donate their brains when they died. Researchers looked at two regions of the brain related to cognition and emotion. They found genes associated with cancer, cardiovascular disease and inflammatory diseases expressed in those who were lonelier.
“There’s actually a network of connections between these different genes by which they can affect each other,” Canli said, “that might be an underlying genetic reason why these diseases might show up as a function of loneliness.”
That’s not to say loneliness causes heart disease. There’s more research to do, including the role heritability plays in gene expression. Earlier work by a UCLA researcher named Steve Cole suggested one possibility — that the release of certain hormones while under the stress of sustained loneliness could be activating certain genes linked to health issues.
“The subjective experience has to be translated somehow in the brain into biology, and so that’s that’s we’re looking at now,” Canli said.
Better understanding these relationships could one day influence therapies designed to treat patients.
Even as states are starting to relax lockdown orders and restrictions on restaurants, bars and other public places, the role social distancing could play in society is unknown. In April, Harvard researchers said intermittent social distancing could be necessary through 2022.
NASA astronaut Scott Kelly, who spent 340 days in space, wrote a piece for The New York Times in March, offering advice based on his experience. Kelly recommends keeping a journal, sticking to a schedule and getting a hobby.
Nemeck, from Cigna, noted that now more than ever, it’s more important to check in on others and be open to having honest conversations about feelings of loneliness, while batting down stigma attached to the feeling.
“We need to reach out to some friends and make sure we maintain those connections and have meaningful conversations,” he said. “It’s important for all of us to be comfortable asking other people how they feel.”
Loneliness, that most universal human condition, existed long before we could compare follower counts, of course. “Loneliness is and always has been the central and inevitable experience of every man,” wrote the novelist Thomas Wolfe. But it’s impacting an increasing number of people, according to studies, with some even warning of a loneliness epidemic. At least one scientist is working on a pill to ease its pain.
“Our culture has put upon us these expectations that if we’re going to be successful we need to have a huge network of contacts,” says Susan Matt, a history professor at Weber State University in Ogden, Utah, who specializes in the history of emotions. “That extra set of expectations makes the experience of aloneness even harder. Our grandparents, our great-grandparents, didn’t think they were going to have an average of 338 Facebook friends.”
Matt, along with Luke Fernandez, a computing professor at Weber State University, explore the connection between tech and emotion in their 2019 book Bored, Lonely, Angry, Stupid: Changing Feelings about Technology, from the Telegraph to Twitter. Scouring letters, diaries and memoirs, they found that even though our Facebook-free ancestors felt lonely too, they had more modest expectations about the number of friendships they should have. They also considered loneliness an inescapable part of being human.
Our forebears also weren’t confronted with endless Instagram-perfect vacation photos and posts about kids who seem incapable of anything but cuteness. Numerous studies have found social media can lead to feelings of depression, inadequacy and isolation as people compare their lives with everyone else’s carefully curated versions.
Many of the subjects Matt and Fernandez interviewed for their book talked about this sort of FOMO, or fear of missing out. “It made people’s anxieties more apparent,” Matt says, giving them a “sense that was something going on and they weren’t a part of, that sense of being neglected or abandoned.”
Technology, as COVID-19 has made more clear than ever, can link people in amazing and unparalleled ways. It crosses geographical borders, broadens communities and opens the world to those with otherwise limited access. But these benefits can come at a cost. “[Technology] can distract us with endless activities that occupy our mental bandwidth and prevent us from recognizing the dearth of relationships that may mark our social lives,” Aboujaoude says.
It can also prevent us from enjoying potential rewards of loneliness, and its close cousin, boredom. Both can, at least in limited doses, lead to self-awareness, creativity and a deeper appreciation for meaningful relationships.
But loneliness can be devastating, even terrifying. A dark veil. A weight on the heart.
“Loneliness and a dangerous world like the one we’re in add up to a challenging combination,” says Aboujaoude, whose books include Virtually You: The Dangerous Powers of the E-Personality. “They produce a sense of vulnerability and can make people feel they lack a safety net or lifeline. If not recognized and addressed, they can also contribute to depression and other negative mood states.”
Loneliness has other medical implications. Studies have linked loneliness to heart disease, diabetes, dementia and weakened immune systems, and it’s been called a strong predictor of premature death.
A 2018 survey from health services company Cigna found that nearly half of Americans report sometimes or always feeling alone or left out, though social media use on its own is not a predictor of loneliness levels. The researchers evaluated 20,000 subjects 18 or older using the well-established UCLA Loneliness Scale, a 20-item questionnaire developed to assess subjective feelings of loneliness and social isolation.
“The eternal quest of the individual human being is to shatter his loneliness,” journalist and author Norman Cousins wrote. We are inherently social creatures, with anthropologists saying our social interactions have played a major role in our evolution as a species.
Given how excruciating loneliness can feel, it comes as no surprise that hardware and software that promise instant connection hold such broad allure. If there is an epidemic of loneliness, it goes hand in hand with the imperatives of capitalism.Luke Fernandez, computing professor and author
“They’re intent on selling us cures for loneliness,” Fernandez says of companies marketing eternal connectivity. “That’s what social media is partly about, a way of commodifying and pathologizing loneliness and offering us a cure. If there is an epidemic of loneliness, it goes hand in hand with the imperatives of capitalism.”
Look no further than the constant parade of Zoom activities that fill our lives during lockdown to see that aloneness is a state many would much prefer to avoid.
“But nothing makes a room feel emptier than wanting someone in it,” poet Calla Quinn wrote.
The Cigna study found that people who engage in frequent meaningful in-person interactions have lower loneliness scores and report better health than those who rarely interact with others face to face. Researchers who study loneliness say technology can help establish and enhance meaningful connections. But it can’t replace them. What we’ve learned from coronavirus is the more we use technology, the more we actually want to be in person connecting to other people.Dan Schawbel, author
Schawbel cites research from Oxford University that found out of 150 Facebook friends, you can truly count on only four, on average, when you need a real friend. The kind who picks you up from the hospital after a procedure, helps you pack on moving day and listens to you dissect your breakup for the 16th time because you need to process it just once more, promise.
“If we know through all these studies that the root of happiness is relationships,” he asks, “why are we letting technology deceive us into thinking we have more than we have?”
Enter Zoom fatigue, the much-discussed condition du jour, which could end up being a harbinger of a renewed reach for connections beyond Facebook birthday messages.
“What we’ve learned from coronavirus is the more we use technology, the more we actually want to be in person connecting to other people,” he says. “It’s pushing us to be more human.”
And the best part. . .
When you’re busy making sure
S O M E O N E
else isn’t lonely
you have a sure fire personal
C U R E
. . .USE IT!
Sometimes
Winning the Lottery
has so much more than
a dollar amount. . .
Sometimes
it’s something so much more
valuable
E X P E N S I V E
P R I C E L E S S. . .
that’s what I thought
THE FIRST TIME
I saw Titus Kaphar’s painting
and then read his poem
which painted many different
i m a g e s
in the pages of my mind
Painting by Titus Kaphar for TIMEIDEASBY TITUS KAPHAR JUNE 4, 2020 6:19 AM EDTTitus Kaphar is an American artist whose work examines the history of representation
Artist Titus Kaphar painted the portrait that appears on the cover of this week’s TIME. He has written the following piece to accompany the work which hopefully now will be a part of our work:
I
can not
sell
you
this
painting.
In her expression, I see the Black mothers who are unseen, and rendered helpless in this fury against their babies.
As I listlessly wade through another cycle of violence against Black people,
I paint a Black mother…
eyes closed,
furrowed brow,
holding the contour of her loss.
Is this what it means for us?
Are black and loss
analogous colors in America?
If Malcolm could not fix it,
if Martin could not fix it,
if Michael,
Sandra,
Trayvon,
Tamir,
Breonna and
Now George Floyd…
can be murdered
and nothing changes…
wouldn’t it be foolish to remain hopeful?
Must I accept that this is what it means to be Black
in America?
Do
not
ask
me
to be
hopeful.
I have given up trying to describe the feeling of knowing that I can not be safe in the country of my birth…
How do I explain to my children that the very system set up to protect others could be a threat to our existence?
How do I shield them from the psychological impact of knowing that for the rest of our lives we will likely be seen as a threat,
and for that
We may die?
A MacArthur won’t protect you .
A Yale degree won’t protect you .
Your well-spoken plea will not change hundreds of years of institutionalized hate.
You will never be as eloquent as Baldwin,
you will never be as kind as King…
So,
isn’t it only reasonable to believe that there will be no
change
soon?
And so those without hope…
Burn.
This Black mother understands the fire.
Black mothers
understand despair.
I can change NOTHING in this world,
but in paint,
I can realize her….
This brings me solace…
not hope,
but solace.
She walks me through the flames of rage.
My Black mother rescues me yet again.
I want to be sure that she is seen.
I want to be certain that her story is told.
And so,
this time
America must hear her voice.
This time
America must believe her.
One
Black
mother’s
loss
WILL
be
memorialized.
This time
I will not let her go.
I
can not
sell
you
this
painting.
and then. . .
I saw this little thumbnail picture
way down in the right hand corner of
Titus’s poem
and these words spilled out of me
from heart
through my eyes
down my cheeks
onto a crumbled piece of discarded paper
that missed the garbage can
from short range:
Why
NOW
am I always on the
Verge of Tears
With a movie clip
Or just the mention of it
A poem
Or just a well spoken phrase
A song
With or without lyrics
A scene
A smell
A glance
A touch
A sound
An indescribable feeling
And then
THERE
A flow of tears
No lash can hold back
Or no longer Dam
Flows a liquid saltiness
That can’t be
Diluted
But can only
Water
Nourish
What’s waited to grow
But never been fully planted
Or hardly nurtured
But now no longer
Ignored
I’m always on the verge of tears
Now
F I N A L L Y
(And hopefully for an ever)
Lump in the throat
Unswallowable
that never chokes
but makes the breath
in and out
different
Sometimes
Winning the Lottery
has so much more than
a dollar amount. . .
Sometimes
it’s something so much more
valuable
E X P E N S I V E
P R I C E L E S S. . .
Mr Kaphar
can’t sell me his painting
not because
he’s holding out
so much as us
HOLDING ON
(to all of the wrong things)
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
are you
FEELIN’ IT?
. . .not a whole lot of joy right now in the world,
huh. . . ?
Who
W H O
would have ever thought we’d forget about
COVID-19
in less than a week
with all of the riots
lootings
shootings
protestests
U N R E S T
It feels like the World
is getting tossed about
like a big beach ball
that everyone wants to
bat around
or kick
BUT NOT GRAB A HOLD OF
or just
C A T C H
. . .has it ever felt like
THIS
b e f o r e
searching for a
pulse
a heartbeat
that just doesn’t seem to
exist
I was in seventh grade, just a 13-year-old boy the night at Martin Luther King, Jr was assassinated. I distinctly remember it as if time stood still as my parents watched a news cast, that interrupted our regular programming; it wasn’t so much what my parents said as what their faces were shouting: HORROR. SHOCK. SADNESS. . .
I had seen that look on their faces when I came home from school as a nine-year-old boy the day that John F. Kennedy was assassinated.
I remember telling them that night as Walter Cronkite tried telling us the facts, setting the scene, maybe this was a good thing so now people wouldn’t riot anymore or protest and remember even more distinctly how they explained to me how this was a terrible thing and that there may be even more unrest and violence and protesting.
It was only a few days later when my dad was at a meeting and my mother and my two brothers and sister were at home and we heard a commotion out on the street and we went out on the porch there were hundreds of African-American people walking down our street from The Projects’ a few blocks away. Just walking. Not shouting. Not rioting. Not looting or burning anything. . .
Just walking. . .
They were going downtown for a peaceful protest in memory of Dr King.
I was terrified,
I had never seen a sea of people moving methodically down
a city street and its sidewalks;
I never wanted the protection of my father more than at that moment.
I have had other moments of being terrified and there’s a certain way your heart beats like at no other time than during
THAT FEELING. . .
My heart has beaten that way over this past week making me feel like a scared-trying-to-figure-it-all-out-13 yr old boy. . .
This Christmas tree is in my office overlooking my desk;
It was a gift a couple of years ago from my office buddies,
two great Social Workers,
Jen and Rachel
who have done of some of their best work on me;
they appropriately celebrated my Birthday by proclaiming it,
MERRY CHUCKMAS
. . .the 25th of every month
I usually post some Christmas scene as a reminder that it’s
MERRY PRACTICE CHRISTMAS
and everyone on FaceBook gets really annoyed
and tells me
“DON’T RUSH IT”
or
“IT’S WAY TOO EARLY”
as if it was a curse for them to carry
or a chaotic Season to be avoided,
BUT HERE’S THE TRUE REASON:
Because I want the World to be now
what it is
T H E N
kind
caring
loving
accepting
forgiving
giving
peaceful
happy
content
and I just don’t want it to be contagious
I want it to be
e v e r l a s t i n g
I want the message of Christmas
to be a message of
N O W
To be a
LIGHT
no one was looking for
AND FINDS,
a n y w a y. . .
So on the 25th of every month
I play Christmas Carols
but I’ve been playing them a lot since
George Floyd
was brutally killed
in front of all
us. . .
My Favorite?
O HOLY NIGHT. . .
2nd verse:
Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is Love and His gospel is Peace;
Chains shall he break, for the slave is our brother,
And in his name all oppression shall cease,
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful Chorus raise we;
Let all within us praise his Holy name!
and then the
CHORUS
which now forever haunt me:
FALL ON YOUR KNEES
(Fall on your knees,)
(Fall on your knees,)
(I can’t get the image out of my head of a police officer’s bent knee on the neck of Mr. Floyd)
Oh hear the angel voices!
O night divine! O night when Christ was born.
O night, O holy night, O night divine.
SO
so, so many
UN-HOLY NIGHTS
knowing that ultimately
LOVE CAN’T BE LEGISLATED
but it can be
abundantly given
making us all
hopeful
grateful
affected
victims
of its power. . .
We need a little Christmas
in all of its shapes and sizes
with an ample amount of flavor
to keep it fresh. . .
talk about a different heart beat
B E
I T
THIS BOOK
is about 4 years old. . .
Someone gifted it to me and I have never fully read it through;
I’ve thumbed through it,
read it’s
CONTENTS
page and
the following before putting it on
THAT SHELF
for further reading
and I picked it up over these past few days and read it’s own
DESCRIPTION:
Would you like to change the world but feel like there’s nothing you can do? What if you discovered you could change everything with just five breaths and one kind thought? Want to help heal America? Our planet? The Global Kindness Revolution is the way forward. You don’t even have to get out of bed to join. You only need to take five breaths and think a kind thought, each day, at noon. Kindness at Noon, Everyday, Everywhere is a call to action to all, regardless of beliefs, background or religion, who are craving a kinder, gentler world.
This is a guide to exploring those aspects of ourselves we’re unaware of, such as suppressed anger and racism, that keep us in the dark and prevent us from embracing our neighbor, or what we perceive as the “other.” Scientists call the primitive part of our brains the “lizard” brain from the times when we hunted dinosaurs. Now, in this tumultuous era where viciousness and apathy fills the airwaves, The Global Kindness Revolution aims to elevate our collective mindset, to nurture the “Kind Mind” where empathy and compassion are on automatic.
The book provides exercises and guidance for incorporating a kindness lifestyle. It includes practices to enhance our connection with Mother Earth, and perspectives on what it means to be kind to oneself. It drills down into social issues that impact us individually and as a whole, and how we can navigate our social interactions with more compassion. It suggests ways to improve our personal relationships and our community, and how to maintain a healthy existence with the domination of technology.
The magic of this revolution is its global appeal calling on millions around the world to pause for Kindness at Noon. More are joining the cause to diminish the violence, racism and meanness humanity has continuously been plagued with. What began as a simple experiment in a Pennsylvania prison has expanded into a global initiative making a mark in countries like Nepal, Afghanistan and Egypt, directly addressing the refugee crisis, violence against women, and other injustices in dire need of change.
Kindness at Noon, Everyday, Everywhere. Join us!
SOUNDS GOOD,
r i g h t. . . ?
A N D
nothing against this fine book
and the exercises it implores us to use,
B U T
now’s not the time for words
or books
filled with them. . .
WE ARE
far past needing books about
h e a l i n g
VIOLENCE
RACISM
MEANNESS
but
right on time about
B E I N G
A Volume of
PEACE
ACCEPTANCE
KINDNESS
. . .funny, huh,
THESE TOO, ARE WORDS. . .
and we need to not only be carriers of
SUCH LOVE
but
INFESTERS OF THIS LOVE
that knows
NO
antidote or vaccine
. . .A time
to stop drawing lines in the sand
to be sided against
or straddled
BUT CREATORS OF CIRCLES
that include
and never
e x c l u d e
US ALL
This is to be
A Caring Catalyst
not words
not ideals
not experiments
not wishes
not hopes
not philosophies
BUT A LIVE
ACTIVE
Circle making inclusive
FORCE
one compassionately kind act at at time
(UNCONDITIONALLY)
For Now. . .
It’s not a time to do things by
THE BOOK
and if words be necessary at all. . .
May it be
that we are all more
ADJECTIVES
and way less
NOUNS
S O M E T I M E S
A
B R E A K D O W N
is really just
A
B R E A K T H R O U G H
. . .until it’s not . .
I remember mentioning this a few times to patients who have asked me,
“WHY AM I STILL HERE?”
It’s a lopsided
Q U E S T I O N
that has no straight
or crooked answers
just
w O N d e r I n G s
that bring little understandings
and less comfort. . .
which is why
I usually flip the question back to a patient by asking,
“Wow, what a powerful question;
I don’t know. . .
(P A U S E)
WHAT DO YOU THINK?”
When I was asked this question
(again)
this week and I gave the reflective,
“Wow, what a powerful question; I don’t know, what do you think?”
response,
she answered me by saying,
without
RHYME OR REASON:
“WILL YOU JUST HOLD MY HAND”
I told her that she deserved a warm hand
(I really was trying to protect her)
as I went over to wash my hands and then came back and sat down,
and held her hand. . .
no questions
no answers
no rhyme or reason
just held her hand
she closed her eyes and
though I couldn’t make
RHYME OR REASON
I didn’t hear
but just watched her lips move
without a whisper. . .
a prayer
a request
a wish
a hope
a beggar asking for a slice of mercy
with an extra slab of peace. . . ?
and then I felt her grip soften
r e l a x
and she was sleeping
softly
making her breathing in and out
a sacred symphony
with an audience of one. . .
I gently laid her hand down beside her and went back to my workstation
and that’s when the poem found me for the second time this week as I read a beautiful Facebook post by Dr. Mel Davis as he wrote about one of his patients who had not only been infected by COVID-19 but also bacterial sepsis, paralysis, brochopleural fistula, renal failure, chest tubes and long term ventilation and now nearing his end. . .
The poem had already surprised me when I picked up a John Updike book of short stories that I haven’t read in years and it being used as a bookmark, fluttered free
with no
RHYME OR REASON:
Bedside Manner by Christopher Wiseman
How little the dying seem to need-
A drink perhaps, a little food,
A smile, a hand to hold, medication,
A change of clothes, an unspoken
Understanding about what’s happening.
You think it would be more, much more,
Something more difficult for us
To help with in this great disruption,
But perhaps it’s because as the huge shape
Rears up higher and darker each hour
They are anxious that we should see it too
And try to show us with a hand squeeze.
We panic to do more for them.
And especially when it’s your father,
And his eyes are far away, and your tears
Are all down your face and clothes,
And he doesn’t see them now, but smiles
Perhaps, just perhaps, because you are there.
How little he needs. Just love. More love.
And then
without any pen to paper
I recited into my iPhone
without any
RHYME OR REASON:
MY BIRTH
It’s not my first breath
that matters
It’s the one
Called the last
Which is the truest first
How
Has my life seemed so long
And so short at the same time
Bury me not
I came from it’s crusty dust
And have been able to
Sit up and take notice
Countless times
It will be my bones and flesh
That’ll be turned to ash
But not my imprint
I will settle to the earth
But only after the wind
Carries me for a while on
It’s never ending breath
Which neither knows
Inhale or exhale
Just breath
Which carries me from
Life
Death
LIFE
S O M E T I M E S
A
B R E A K D O W N
is really just
A
B R E A K T H R O U G H
with no
RHYME OR REASON
(n e c e s s a r y)
On our morning walk
we didn’t find a parade,
One found and included us. . .
It was different this year,
wasn’t it?
MEMORIAL DAY
Yes, we know it’s the start of summer
. . . it used to be the start of summer vacations
. . . it used to be trips and vacation spots
hotdogs, potato salad, family gatherings,
it used to be a lot of fun. . .
It was different this year
and maybe not even because of the pandemic. . .
Maybe it’s because we remember different this year;
maybe right now even in the midst of
our-at-the-very-moment heartbeats,
we are writing a History
no book has ever held. . .
And maybe
MEMORIAL DAY
with all of its modifications this year
is even more special
than all the years that we’ve celebrated it
in the past. . .
And just maybe
that’s what will remember
about this
MEMORIAL DAY
Instead of us commemorating it,
IT
now commemorates each and everyone of us
in the most special and significant way. . .
Maybe. . .
With a most
sincere
honest
pure
Parade of One
(y o u)
(NOTE THE REASON FOR THIS SPECIAL
SECOND BLOG POST ON MEMORIAL DAY
IS A THING OF RECOGNITION AND HONOR FOR):
Last week during the mid-week blog
we took a look at
CAUTION FATIGUE
and the other side of
T H A T
Coin might be
How to Avoid Burnout in the Middle of a Pandemic
Rachel Fairbank, freelance journalist tried to extinguish something that’s very real over these past several weeks and especially, ongoing.
Burnout is defined as a state of emotional, mental and physical exhaustion brought on by prolonged stress. Given the nonstop barrage of stressors these past few months, many of us are probably well on our way to developing burnout, if we aren’t there already.
“Burnout is chronic stress gone awry,” says Sheryl Ziegler, a psychologist and author of the book “Mommy Burnout: How to Reclaim Your Life and Raise Healthier Children in the Process.”
The stages of burnout include a honeymoon phase, in which a person devotes extra time and energy to dealing with their stress; followed by mitigation strategies, when a person is crankier than usual but is still trying to juggle everything; followed by chronic stress, a point when people have an even harder time coping and often find ways to detach themselves from others; and finally, by full-blown burnout.
If these stages sound familiar, well, at least you’re not alone. As a society, we seem to be on a path to burnout together. We started in those ambitious first few weeks with big plans: We were going to learn how to bake and knit! After a few weeks of trying to juggle quarantine and work from home and homeschooling and job loss. Now we all seem to be stuck in a phase of chronic stress, either lashing out at the people around us or detaching from the world at large
“A lot of people are in the second and third stages right now,” Ziegler says. “We are all here.”
That said, there are strategies that we can employ, even in an era of physical distancing and omnipresent fears about our health and safety. These are some of Ziegler’s recommendations for avoiding burnout during a pandemic.
“Knowing the signs of burnout are really important,” Ziegler says. What stage you might be in will vary, and it’ll look a little bit different for everyone. People who are burned out are often detached from others, feel drained and unable to cope, and lack their usual energy. They also often experience physical symptoms such as headaches or stomachaches.
As Ziegler points out, it’s normal to be stressed and anxious, given everything that is going on. But just because this stress is understandable doesn’t mean we can’t find ways to cope.
We may have to practice physical distancing, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be creative about staying connected with others. When it comes to preventing burnout, strong social connections are key.
As Ziegler suggests, in addition to friends and families, lean on online communities that might share some of your concerns. Whatever your situation is, whatever your struggles are, there are people out there who can relate. Make sure to prioritize these connections, as they will help buffer you from burnout. How to Disconnect From Social Media but Stay Connected to the World
Social media is terrible, and social media is amazing. It inundates us with panic-inducing news and paralyzes us.
It is okay to cut down on the number of hours of school each day or to say no to extra job duties at work. As Ziegler points out, as much as we want to do everything, there just aren’t enough hours in the day. It’s important to be selective about what we take on as well as practical about what we can accomplish, given our constraints.
Boundaries are really important, especially in these times. Boundaries can help make your workload and home life a little bit more manageable. It’s okay to say no to things, it’s okay to adjust your expectations, and it’s okay to prioritize what’s most important.
Don’t feel guilty about it, either. If we put a meeting on our calendars, we do everything we can to make sure we show up to it. Caring for yourself, in whatever form that takes, is just as important; in fact, CALENDAR IT; put a self-care time/date on the calendar and don’t break it!
“Every day, schedule time for yourself,” Ziegler says. “When we are under stress, we don’t tend to squeeze in healthy things for ourselves.”
So carve out a time for yourself. Calendar it and give that time as much priority as a work responsibility. Your mental health and wellbeing is important. You Need to Walk Outside Every Day
In a time when our fitness options are limited, don’t discount the benefits of walking. Walking doesn’t have to be done in large increments, just steady, regular ongoing times of walking.
Even small changes of environment can help keep us from feeling overwhelmed. This could be as simple as moving from the living room to kitchen or going for a short walk around the block. Given that we are all at home all the time now, a small change of environment will go a long way toward helping us feel mentally refreshed.
As Ziegler points out, there’s a big connection between staying active and maintaining good mental health.
“People have to remember working out is good for your mental thoughts,” Ziegler says. As we are a lot more sedentary than usual, moving can help us stave off some of the effects of abrupt changes in our routines.
Even if you only have ten minutes, it’s worth fitting in a few calisthenics or a quick walk.
Being at home all day while stressed means a lot more snacking and a lot more unhealthy foods. Unfortunately, although in the short term, reaching for a bag of chips or a carton of ice cream feels good, when it comes to balancing stress, these snacks hurt more than they help. Being mindful about what you are eating will help in the long run.
If you have twenty minutes, consider taking a power nap to boost your energy and productivity. Find a quiet spot, set the alarm and do your best to relax. If it’s hard, Ziegler points out that power napping is something that gets easier with practice.
Early afternoon, when your concentration and ability to focus is suffering, is a good time for a power nap. Twenty minutes is the sweet spot, as 30-60 minutes can leave you feeling more tired than when you fell asleep. Of course, if you’ve got 90 minutes for a full nap, that also works, but that’s harder to carve out of your schedule. I’m a huge 10-20 minute cat-napper.
Words have a way of becoming reality. “We have to notice our words,” Ziegler says. Allow yourself to vent, allow yourself to release all your fears and worries, but then find a way to pivot and channel your fears and worries into something productive.
If you are worried about your job security—or if you have been laid off—developing a side hustle can be a productive way to pick up new skills while also giving you a way to regain control over your situation.
Now is the time to think about what other skills you have you can use to your advantage. If nothing else, this will help you regain a sense of purpose, which is key to weathering periods of potential burnout. For years I’ve had a job application from STARBUCKS and when people see it they ask me, “Are you looking for another job?” I tell them ‘No, but it’s powerful to know I have choices. Today, I CHOOSE to work here, but I have other options.”
BOOM–talk about FREEDOM. . .Instant Burnout Extinguisher.
There are so many fears and anxieties in the world right now, and for good reason. Instead of bottling up them all up, Ziegler suggests listing them all out and then—and this is the key part—coming up with strategies for how you would cope if the worst happened.
“Give yourself your moment,” Ziegler says. “Then, stop, and make a plan around it.”
Are you afraid of losing your job? Not being able to pay rent? Getting sick and needing someone to care for your children? Name these fears, then start making plans. Just the act of thinking through them will help your regain a sense of perspective and control.
Right now, the world is a scary and stressful place. There is no avoiding it. However, even in the middle of all these worries and anxieties, there are still actions we can take to help mitigate the worst effects. Adjust your expectations, carve out time for yourself and do whatever is in your power to preserve your sanity for the long run. Because it’s going to be a long run.
Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
We all know where to get it. . .
B U T
we don’t always take the time to actually go out and
GET IT!
WHEN I READ THAT
I WROTE THIS:
Not everything that grows comes from the field or the ground
Not everything that soars flies in the sky
Not everything that nourishes comes from a plate or the end of a fork
Not everything that saturates is wet
Not everything that is read comes from a book
Not everything that is believed is known
Not everything that has felt can be touched
Not everything that was, is
Not everything is any one thing
Not everything is every thing
WHICH MADE ME THINK:
AND MADE ME FEEL
Like I’ve always been paddling towards the
END OF THE WORLD
only to find a
U N I V E R S E
of new
E V E R Y T H I N G S
The Sound of Silence
was written by Paul Simon
and recorded by Simon & Garfunkel on June 15, 1965. . .
I was getting ready to turn 10. . .
The Sound of Silence
was covered by the heavy metal group
DISTURBED
on December 8, 2015
I was 60 years old. . .
Much as changed from
then to then to
N O W. . .
Very powerful video,
it was when I first saw and blogged it a few years ago
and now again
(as time has continued to flow away one grain by grain)
especially when paired with words attributed to Bill Gates:
“When you go out and see the empty streets, the empty stadium, empty train platforms, don’t say to yourself ‘my God it looks like the end of the world.’ What you are seeing is love in action. What you’re seeing in that negative space, is how much we do care for each other, for our grandparents, for our immuno-compromised brothers and sisters, for people we will never meet. People will lose jobs over this. Some will lose their businesses. And some will lose their lives. All the more reason to take a moment, when you’re out on your walk, on your way to the store, or just watching the news, to look into the emptiness and marvel at all that love. Let it fill you and sustain you. It isn’t the end of the world. Its the most remarkable act of global solidarity we may ever witness. It’s the reason the world will go on.’
Some say,
“WE HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON OUR HANDS”
some
“TIME is the never-ending beat in our Heart”
YOU?
Who would have every imagined
THE BLINDING
SOUND OF SILENCE
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
you can actually
feel it
(maybe too much)