Empathy — Page 19

THE KINDNESS COST

July 7, 2023 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

A Lady asked an old street vendor: “How much do you sell your eggs for?” The old man replied“0.50¢ an egg, madam.” The Lady responded, “I’ll take 6 eggs for $2.00 or I’m leaving.” The old salesman replied, “Buy them at the price you want, Madam. This is a good start for me because I haven’t sold a single egg today and I need this to live.”

She bought her eggs at a bargain price and left with the feeling that she had won. She got into her fancy car and went to a fancy restaurant with her friend. She and her friend ordered what they wanted. They ate a little and left a lot of what they had asked for. So they paid the bill, which was $150. The ladies gave $200 and told the fancy restaurant owner to keep the change as a tip.

This story might seem quite normal to the owner of the fancy restaurant, but very unfair to the egg seller. The question it raises is;

Why do we always need to show that we have power when we buy from the needy?

And why are we generous to those who don’t even need our generosity?

I once read somewhere that a father used to buy goods from poor people at a high price, even though he didn’t need the things. Sometimes he paid more for them. His children were amazed. One day they asked him “why are you doing this dad?” The father replied: “It’s charity wrapped in dignity.”

Being A Caring Catalyst won’t cost you anything but it’ll make you richer than any lottery winning. Invest in what compounds by one kind moment to the next one and it’ll no longer be about mere facts and figures, because it’ll figure much more than any known fact. . . .
MAKE SURE YOUR CUP OF KINDNESS
IS ALWAYS FULL ENOUGH
FOR ANOTHER GULP
SO THAT OTHERS
MAY DRINK DEEPLY
WITH A QUENCHING
THAT’LL NEVER KNOW
ANY OTHER THIRST. . .

AGREE TO DISAGREE

June 28, 2023 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

“The truth you believe and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.” ~Pema Chodron

HANDS UP IN THE AIR
OR DO YOU DARE
PLACE THEM OVER YOUR HEART. . .
DO YOU BELIEVE PEMA CHODRON’S QUOTE?
It feels like the whole world is
SCREAMING
lately
which makes it impossible to not simply
T A L K
but actually
H E A R

Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
It’s not getting any quieter
In fact,
pick a subject
ANY SUBJECT
and you’ll have a fight on your hands
(maybe literally)
before you can stutter out
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
because everyone seems to have a gavel in hand
and are using it
as a weapon
I wasn’t hunting for an article but there’s plenty that have been written lately and Mitchell’s actually found me and maybe just in the nick of time for me, and because of this blog post,
Y O U
So just for a few brief moments
just read. . .
take a couple of deep breaths through your nose
like you’re sniffing your favorite fragrance
E X H A L E
slowly from you mouth
R E P E A T
and just read:

Mitch Geoffrey is the co-founder of Mindful Cupid, a website dedicated to helping readers improve their relationships and their lives. You’ll find lots of useful articles on how to find love, survive heartbreak, explore your spiritual side, and discover your best self. Check out the site at mindfulcupid.com, or join us on facebook.

“It sounds a lot like you were trying to force your beliefs on him and got mad when he wouldn’t back down.” is usually the anatomy of a good argument. Or so, Mitchell thinks.

He states, “. . .We are often so caught up in being right that we refuse to accept anyone could believe differently. Even worse, emotion quickly pounces in and completely takes over, and we lose any ability to even make an effort to find common ground or try and see things from a different perspective.

In the middle of an argument we often are missing the larger truth that we all believe we are seeing the world as it should be. Our entrenched beliefs become part of our identity because they help us make sense of the chaotic world we live in. And when someone holds a radically different view to our own, it shakes the foundation of our own beliefs and makes us feel off balance and insecure.

But Mitchell believes that the good news is, no matter how differently you see the world from someone else, there’s always a way to find some common ground. Here are six tips I’ve learned to help have productive, respectful conversations and open your mind to different perspectives.
DRUM ROLL:

1. Focus on the outcome

When you get bogged down arguing about specifics, take the argument up as many levels as you need until you find common ground.

For example, in the case of climate change, we could have both easily agreed that the environment is important and we want to leave the world a better place for our kids. We just have different views on how to get there. This is a great way to reset the conversation because you’re focused on discussing the outcome rather than winning the argument.

2. Understand their perspective

Learning the underlying reason why someone believes something can help you see a different side of the issue. It might not change your mind, but it will help you treat the other person with more empathy and give you fresh ideas to discuss.

For example, someone’s refusal to accept climate change might be caused by concern about the negative effects it will have on their life. Maybe transitioning to renewable energy means they will lose their job or be forced to change their lifestyle in ways they don’t want to accept.

If you can understand these underlying concerns, you’ll be much more likely to find common ground and have a productive discussion.

3. Separate emotion from logic

A stressful argument can hijack the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for critical thinking and decision-making. When this happens, you go into “fight or flight” mode and become more likely to react emotionally, think less creatively, and say things without thinking them through.

The next time you find yourself getting angry or defensive in an argument, take a step back and try to de-escalate your emotions by acknowledging them. Once you’re feeling more logical and calm, you can start to look for common ground again.

4. Practice active listening

Active listening is a communication technique that involves hearing, paraphrasing, and responding to what the other person is saying. It’s an essential skill for finding common ground because it shows that you’re genuinely interested in understanding their perspective.

The next time you’re in an argument, try repeating back what the other person has said in different words to make sure you’ve understood them correctly. Then, add your perspective to what they’ve said. For example, “I can see why you feel that way, but I also think…”

5. Be mindful of your own biases

We all have biases—it’s part of being human. We want to win arguments, be right, and be liked, so it’s easy to fall into the trap of only listening to information that supports our point of view.

Exposing yourself to different perspectives—even if you don’t agree with them—can help you think more critically about your own beliefs. It might even help you find common ground where you thought there was none.

6. Remember that differing views are important

If everyone agreed on everything, the world would be a pretty boring place. But even more importantly, differing ideas help to push society forward. They challenge us to think critically about our own beliefs and come up with new solutions to problems.

So the next time you find yourself in an argument with someone, try to see it as an opportunity to learn and grow rather than a chance to prove your point. You might just be surprised at how much common ground you can find.

I Know
I KNOW
there are no easy solutions and it’s easy to say
even after taking a few intentional deep breaths:
BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND

E X A C T L Y
but if there’s any
COMMON GROUND
to ever be cultivated
with any hope of
a good harvest
it may well have to start with the
fertilizer of
Y O U
(stinky as it is)
to cause
GROWTH

FOUND/TONIGHT

June 26, 2023 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

MARCH 19, 2018 was when this was first posted on YouTube and with well over 20,210,965 views I question just what boulder I’ve been living under, especially when it popped up on my YouTube feed, maybe not so randomly this past week. Hmmm.

I really like when certain things come across my YouTube feed without me trying to search for them. When I get something like this, it’s almost as if it’s a divine intervention or message that I need to hear at that time I need to hear itwhich means that as you’re reading this blog post this morning it may be the time that you need to hear or see you too; especially if you weren’t even aware of its existent much like this under the boulder dweller.

Two my favorite singers and talented, songwriters, Ben Platt, and Lin- Manuel Miranda combine to mash songs from Hamilton and Evan Hansen together…why? Not merely because it sounds good, because they want to bring a message of Hope. From what? For what? A better world? So I did a quick Google Search to get the “WHAT FOR” of this song and:

A portion of the proceeds from this record will be going to the March For Our Lives Initiative. Donate now at https://marchforourlives.com/.

So before this sounds like a rant against gun violence or assault weapons, I go back to what Mother Theresa said nearly 50 years ago when asked, “Are you against the war in Vietnam?” Mother Theresa answered meekly, “I’m for peace.” Did you catch that or did it elude you like it did me? She was showing that real power is in WHAT YOU ARE FOR and not WHAT YOU ARE AGAINST. When we rile up and rant what we are against, it always adds up in more bad ways, but when we work together for what we believe in and for what we are for, it takes on a much more positive take.

Yeah, let’s work together for that because that’s a song we could all sing and certainly the world needs to hear. . .

UNDERSTAND. . .
WE ARE ALL IN THE SAME ORCHESTRA
PLAYING THE SAME SYMPHONY

MUCH-NESS (Continued)

June 23, 2023 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

John D. Rockefeller, the founder of the Standard Oil Company, the first billionaire of the United States of America and once the richest man on Earth was asked by a reporter, “How much money is enough?” He calmly replied, “Just a little bit more”

Is John D. right? Is JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE, really enough or is there ever an ENOUGH-NESS that’ll satisfy. . .When Rockefeller was asked this question he had a net worth of about 1% of the entire US economy. He owned 90% of all the oil and gas industry of his time. Compared to today’s rich guys, Rockefeller makes Bill Gates, Jeff Besos, Elon Musk and Warren Buffet look like paupers; and yet he wanted
“JUST A LITTLE MORE.”

Maybe before we can know how much is ENOUGH, we’ve got to define
E N O U G H
. . .and dare consider
ENOUGH
is more than just an amount
(but also an attitude)
MUCH-NESS

HOW MUCH
is never a question
to be Asked
yet is always Answered
HOW MUCH
isn’t found in an
Enough-ness
Much-ness
is daring to Give
a More-ness
than you can expect
to ever receive in a
Getting-ness
MUCH-NESS
is when a
Giving-ness
means so much more
than a piddle Getting-ness
MUCH-NESS
takes on an unimaginable hue
that can’t be found
on a painter’s palate
but always at the end
of your Soul’s brush
waiting to paint anew
the landscape scene
that completes us all
as it becomes a
Giving-ness
eclipsing the horizon of any
Getting-nesses

. . .S O M E T I M E S
the shiny empty plate
waiting to be
SHARED
more than
PASSED
is all the
ENOUGH-NESS
necessary
I F
it’s indeed more than a
passing partaking. . .
May your ENOUGH-NESS be Another’s as well. . .

MUCH-NESS

June 21, 2023 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

HOW MUCH
is more than a question
is more than a quest
is more than a hope
is more than a wish
is more than a dream
IT IS A DIFFERENCE
. . .maybe the real question is:
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE IN YOU. . .

What Is Basic Income and
How Does It Support Well-Being?

Research suggests that providing everyone with money to live could reduce poverty and inequality, and help people make better life choices.

MATTHEW T. JOHNSON, ELLIOTT JOHNSON did some digging around and came up with some interesting findings

In October 1936, 200 men marched from South Tyneside to London to protest against the poverty and unemployment in their town, Jarrow.

Nearly a century later, Jarrow is taking part in a small pilot schemeto test how universal basic income (UBI) could tackle financial insecurity and health inequalities—which continue to plague the town. Under the scheme, two groups—15 people in Jarrow and another 15 in East Finchley, London—will receive £1,600 a month for two years.

This micropilot will produce new U.K. data on the impact of the basic income in these communities, particularly the stories and experiences of the people that participate. This can be used for further research on the effects of UBI on a larger scale in these communities. This will help show if there is a case for a national basic income, or at least more comprehensive U.K. trials.

UBI generally involves giving a regular cash payment to all adult citizens. It differs from existing welfare systems that are conditional on people’s assessed needs.

In this pilot, participants are paid the same amount as a separate Welsh government pilot that involves people leaving care. The Jarrow and East Finchley pilot is focused on a broader, locally representative pool of people in each of these communities.

The project has been based on our research on basic incomes, which suggests that tackling financial insecurity is essential to promoting public health. This is a particularly important issue now because the effects of COVID and the cost of living crisis on Britons who are employed, self-employed, or who run small businesses have left many people at risk of destitution.

Financial insecurity has risen to levels unseen in generations. Evidence from the Child Poverty Action Group shows millions of Britons face fuel poverty, while the campaign group End Fuel Poverty Coalition found that 1,047 people died in England from living in cold, damp homes in December 2022.

The Bank of England’s commitment to a gradual and sustained increase in interest rates has exacerbated the rate of repossessions without addressing inflation caused by factors largely beyond consumers’ control.

This has created a second pandemic that will only get worse: mental ill health. Our recent report shows the only way we can bring this current crisis to an end is through bold interventions.

Universal basic income (UBI) is a radical but, we believe, feasible alternative to the existing, failing welfare system. It could reduce poverty to unprecedented levels, address inequality within and between regions, and massively improve the nation’s health.

A radical approach

The U.K. government has committed to realign health care so that it’s not just about treating the ill, but preventing illness in the first place. One of the best ways to do this is to eradicate poverty and reduce inequality.

The idea of the state redistributing resources by providing an adequate, regular, and predictable payment to citizens is radical. It turns the discussion about welfare on its head: from a payment to a select few with no other means of satisfying their needs, to a payment that protects those in, as well as out, of work from the threat of destitution.

One of the key, and often overlooked, consequences of this is its potential contribution to public health. Basic income set at an adequate level could boost public health in three ways.

First, by reducing poverty, it would increase people’s ability to satisfy their basic needs by helping them to afford better food and housing.

Second, by reducing financial inequality, it would also give people the option to leave abusive, damaging environments. This would reduce stressand stress-related illnesses. The pandemic has highlighted the dangers of people being unable to escape these environments, and the potential long-term impacts on health are significant.

And, third, by giving people a more predictable and secure future, it would increase their perception of their lifespan. This could lead to changes in behavior in the process. People with clearer long-term futures may be less likely to engage in hedonistic activities, such as drug and alcohol misuse, and more likely to engage in exercise and health-promoting activity, according to our research.

While there are examples of people “binge spending” following large benefit payments, some evidence suggests that those that feel they have some kind of future ahead will spend money on activities that enhance their health, such as healthier eating and fitness. On the other hand, people facing destitution are more likely to engage in short-term, hedonistic behavior, since they feel unlikely to have to face the long-term consequences.

Such effects would be most keenly felt in those parts of the U.K., such as the north of England, midlands, and Wales, that suffer most from the low incomes, inequalities, and general hopelessness that contribute to ill health.

This generation’s equivalent of the NHS

The NHS made health care free at the point of use. Three decades after its implementation, the Labour government sought to understand why health inequality persisted.

The resulting report highlighted that people’s social and economic circumstances shaped their outcomes. To reduce health inequality, we need to deal with these circumstances, which have rapidly declined since the 2008 global financial crisis. And UBI can do this in the three ways outlined above.

Future generations may look back at recent discussions about UBIs with the same confusion we feel when thinking of opposition to the NHS in the 1940s.

The solutions Britain needs are just as far-reaching as those implemented in 1945. Basic income is one such solution that could be as popular and transformative as the NHS.

C H A N G E
is literally in your Hands. . .
How will you use it
o r
will you just
THROW IT AWAY

S P L A T

June 16, 2023 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

We did a lot of traveling last week, to Niagara Falls to Dayton with nary a time for a quick car wash and my car literally got BUGGED. The car wash couldn’t remove all of the mix mash of bug guts; it needed some more than unusual elbow grease and with sweating dripping down my face and slow diving off of the tip of my nose, I stood and wiped my face and THERE, there it was; a thought and then a flood of words that found its way into a poem, not just about bugs on a bumper and crusted across my windshield but about the randomness of our living and our dying; the vast unpredictability of
IT ALL. . . HENCE: SPLAT

Is it all willie nillie
some hocus-pocus predestinated Chance
A random bullet
Out of control car
Avalanche
Shark bite
A fallen tree limb
An elevator cable snap
Plane crash
All
wrong places at the wrongest of times
ALL so unmathematically
equating into a
SPLAT
No one ever sees coming
WE
like the Severely unsuspecting unnamed Bug
SPLATTED
It was never my intention to
harm, maime, Kill
Yet, just the same,
SPLAT
It ended up a glorious Yellow
but so very indistinguishable on my bumper
across my windshield
And Now
just like that
as I turned on the Shower
I spied a spider
frantically trying to get out
of the fast sucking swirlingly
towards the Drain—too late
for a rescue attempt
The Splat became a deadly Splash
Proving it’s always more than One Way
but always, still, A Way
S P L A T
What Pow, What Splash, What Kerplunk
SPLAT
Awaits us
If a bug, a flailing spider
not exempted
what of us
I don’t know
But make no mistake about
Knowing it does

D o s t a d n i n g

June 14, 2023 By ChuckBehrens 2 Comments

I was doing some DOSTADNING lately and I found an article I had tucked away from some 5 years ago from Time Magazine and I thought it was more than appropriate to share with you during a Wednesday Blog Post which I always try to feature some educational piece on how to be better Caring Catalysts in all phases and forms of our lives

DOSTADNING, is a Swedish hybrid of the words for death and cleaning. And as morbid as it sounds, that’s exactly what death cleaning is: the process of cleaning house before you die, rather then leaving it up to your loved ones to do after you’re gone.

A book called The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning makes the case that the task isn’t morbid at all. Author Margareta Magnusson—a Swedish artist who describes herself as somewhere between age 80 and 100—says it’s “more like a relief,” and that it has benefits you can enjoy while you’re still very much alive.

“Generally people have too many things in their homes,” says Magnusson in a YouTube video posted by the book’s publisher. “I think it’s a good thing to get rid of things you don’t need.” Magnusson says she’s always death cleaned, “because I want to have it nice around me, keep some order.”

Magnusson says people should start thinking about death cleaning as soon as they’re old enough to start thinking about their own mortality. “Don’t collect things you don’t want,” she says. “One day when you’re not around anymore, your family would have to take care of all that stuff, and I don’t think that’s fair.”

The Death Cleaning method bears similarities to that of the tidying-up guru Marie Kondo: Keep what you love and get rid of what you don’t. But while Kondo tells people to trash, recycle or donate what they discard, Magnusson recommends giving things you no longer want to family and friends “whenever they come over for dinner, or whenever you catch up with them,” reports the Australian website Whimn.

However, Magnusson does advocate for keeping sentimental objects like old letters and photographs. She keeps a “throw-away box,” which she describes as things that are “just for me.” When she dies, her children know they can simply throw that box away, without even looking through its contents.

The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning is out for U.S. publication If the trend catches on stateside, it could be a good way for families to discuss sensitive issues that might otherwise be hard to bring up, says Kate Goldhaber, a family therapist and assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral neurosciences at Loyola Medicine. I am already working this into one of my presentations, THE SPIRITUALITY OF DEATH AND DYING

“It seems like a nice, proactive approach to facilitating cooperation and communication among families early on in the aging process, when you’re not too entrenched in the difficult parts later on,” says Goldhaber. “There can also be something very empowering and healthy about taking care of your own space and making it more organized while you’re still around.”

Death cleaning may have benefits for the cleaners themselves, and not just for their loved ones, says Goldhaber. Some research suggests that clutter in the home can raise stress levels and reduce productivity. As adults get older, having a house full of stuff may also raise their risk for falls and create other health and safety hazards.

Goldhaber points out that many people may engage in a type of death cleaning without calling it that—when they downsize from a large house to a small apartment as they get older, for instance. “It’s a new way of thinking about the grunt work that comes along with those transitions, which can be really stressful,” she says.

If bringing up the concept of death with aging loved ones still feels wrong, Goldhaber suggests rephrasing the idea. “If you present it as, ‘Let’s organize the house so it’s a more enjoyable place for you to live and for us to have holidays,’ it might be better received than ‘Let’s throw away your stuff now so we don’t have to sort through it later,’” she says. “It can be fun, even late in life, to redecorate and declutter, and it can be a great thing for families to do together.”

Magnusson says that death cleaning is an ongoing process that’s never truly finished. “You don’t know when you are going to die, so it goes on and on,” she says in the video.

Her daughter chimes in, stating the obvious: Death cleaning ends with death. Magnusson laughs and nods. “Then it stops,” she says, “of course, finally.”

Maybe we all need to be doing some serious DOSTNADING before we die
but as we live
know that before we put anything in a box
OURSELVES INCLUDED
K N O W
t h a t
DEATH IS NOT THE LAST THING THAT HAPPENS TO US
Our lives
as we know them
will not continue as we know them
b u t
SHELVED AND BOXED
we will not be. . .

Because as we pass on
WE PASS ON
(all we are)
(all others hope to keep of us)

AFTER LIFE

June 12, 2023 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

Tony had a perfect life — until his wife Lisa died. After that tragic event, the formerly nice guy changed. After contemplating taking his life, Tony decides he would rather live long enough to punish the world by saying and doing whatever he likes. He thinks of it as a superpower — not caring about himself or anybody else — but it ends up being trickier than he envisioned when his friends and family try to save the nice guy that they used to know. Golden Globe winner Ricky Gervais stars in the comedy series, which he also writes and directs. Mind you, THIS IS NOT PRETTY; GRIEF seldom is and what it is during this three season hiatus is downright PROFANE at times; UGLINESS at its worst and yet deep within its TRUTH. I have shown a clip or two from this show before which makes these series of clips a little different, a little difficult and hopefully, a little more digestible for that which is most distasteful for all of us…dare I say, ENJOY. . . ?

Hmmmmmmmm. . .
Maybe like Tony, there’s been some things in our lives that make us feel like him, that
“NOT CARING is a Superpower; CARING ABOUT STUFF; THAT’S WHAT REALLY MATTERS!” but we’re not a NETLIX episode or series that we can turn off or on or yes, put on PAUSE. . .

WE ALL COME WITH EXPIRATION DATES
which means we’re one DATE closer than we’ve ever been before
BUT THE GOOD NEWS
is that we can be more kind, more loving, more compassionate than ever before because knowing
THAT WE WILL EXPIRE
also means not so much postponing the DATE
but living lovingly today. . .
IF DEATH IS INEVITABLE
LET’S MAKE SURE OUR LOVING IS, TOO. . .

A DAY PAST FOREVER

June 7, 2023 By ChuckBehrens 6 Comments

When Erin and I got married 37 years ago tomorrow, we knew that it might be a very long shot if we would ever be old enough to make 50 years, but we also talked about it not making a difference as long as we could make our days and years count more than counting the days and the years.

37 years ago we were not the people, the couple, we are now or maybe the ones we might become in the next 13 years, but we knew way ahead of the research and the evidence-based data that what we have more than makes our days so much more than any daze. . .

Moments of Love and Connection May Help You Live Longer

A new study finds that couples who show more warmth, concern, and affection for each other live longer, healthier lives.

YASMIN ANWAR was a Greater Good Science Center graduate fellow. was a Greater Good Science Center graduate fellow.

Hold back on the bickering. Couples who share sweet moments filled with humor and affection, and sync up biologically—two hearts beating as one—enjoy better health prospects and live longer than their more quarrelsome counterparts, suggests new UC Berkeley research.
The findings, recently published online in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, are based on laboratory observations of 154 middle-aged and older married couples as each engaged in an intimate conversation about a conflict in their relationship.

“We focused on those fleeting moments when you light up together and experience sudden joy, closeness, and intimacy,” said study author Robert Levenson, a UC Berkeley professor of psychology.

“What we found is that having these brief shared moments, known as ‘positivity resonance,’ is a powerful predictor of how healthy we’re going to be in the future and how long we’ll live,” he added.

Positivity resonance occurs when two people momentarily experience a mutual biological and behavioral surge of warmth, humor, and affection and achieve a sense of oneness. Fear, anxiety, and self-doubt can block this sense of connectedness.

“Couples in the study varied greatly in these measures of positivity resonance, with some couples showing dozens of moments of emotional and physiological synchrony and others showing few or none,” Levenson said.

Science of long-lasting love

These micro-moments are a key ingredient in healthy, long-lasting relationships, according to study senior author Barbara Fredrickson, a psychology professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and leading scholar of the science of love.

Researchers in Levenson’s Berkeley Psychophysiology Laboratory worked with Fredrickson to test the effect of positivity resonance on long-term health and longevity. They used data from Levenson’s longitudinal study that tracked the marriages of a representative sample of middle-aged and older heterosexual couples in the San Francisco Bay Area from 1989 to 2009.

Every five years, the couples came to Levenson’s Berkeley laboratory to be observed as they discussed recent events in their relationships, as well as areas of enjoyment and disagreement. They also completed questionnaires about marital satisfaction, health problems, and other issues. Just over half of the study’s original spouses are now in their 70s, 80s, and 90s. Others have died.

For this latest study, researchers meticulously coded hundreds of videotaped conversations to track the extent to which the couples exhibited positivity resonance.

“We took a fine-grained, comprehensive approach to measuring positivity resonance in couples by capturing their shared positive emotions, mutual expressions of care, and biological synchrony,” said study lead author Jenna Wells, a UC Berkeley Ph.D. candidate in clinical science.

How they conducted the study

Two different statistical models were used to predict long-term health and longevity, one that included the full range of biological and behavioral measures of positivity resonance that couples showed, and another that analyzed only their positivity resonance behaviors.

Among other factors and influences, the study controlled for health-related behaviors such as smoking, alcohol consumption, exercise, and caffeine consumption.

First, trained behavioral coders objectively rated the couples’ 15-minute conflict conversations, identifying individual and shared positive and negative emotions based on what the spouses were saying and their facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language.

Next, they identified moments of positive synchrony between the spouses based on the couples’ own recollections of how they were feeling as they watched videotapes of their conversations.

The 15-minute video recordings were then analyzed for signs of nonverbal synchrony and unconscious “mirroring,” which are gestures that signal love, caring, and connectedness, such as smiles, head nods, and leaning forward.

The researchers also identified moments in which both partners’ heart rates simultaneously slowed down or sped up when they were expressing positive emotions.

For the second part of the study, they moved to a faster coding system to rate displays of synchrony vis-a-vis mutual warmth, concern, and affection in 30-second video segments. Both statistical models indicated that higher rates of positivity resonance predicted better future health outcomes and longer lives.

“Regardless of whether we used the full range of biological and behavioral measures of positivity resonance or the single holistic measure, we found that spouses in relationships that were high on positivity resonance had milder declines in their health over the next 13 years and were more likely to still be alive after 30 years,” Levenson said.

As for how couples can apply these findings to build relationships that are filled with positivity resonance, psychologist Art Aron’s 36 questions or Barbara Fredrickson’s Love 2.0 might be good places to start, Levenson said.
We know about how it takes a village to not just raise a child, but also to support and enrich each of us. We all have the capacity to be better Caring Catalysts and without a doubt, the world desperately needs that from each of us. There is no Caring Catalyst in me without Erin. She is not my better half. Erin is my 90% because everything I am and do, she makes better and more, an excellent motivation to be better. . .

I severely love how our Each makes our Other
Our Better makes up for any Worse
Our Richer banishes Poornessess
Our Sicknesses can’t compete with our well-beingnesses
because our love and cherishings
only has one goal:
To last one moment past a For Everness. . .
(or any calendar every created)

THE STORY OF MY LIFE

June 5, 2023 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

https://youtu.be/bYsv2qa1BTc

So here’s the deal, this is the week of Erin’s and my anniversary.
37 Years
on Thursday
(and counting)
All three of my Blog posts this week will center around
ANNIVERSARIES
RELATIONSHIPS
OTHERNESS
that can never be achieved as a Solo Flier. . .
And though you may feel like getting an extra order of hotcakes
(with all of the syrup flowing)
just grab another cup of coffee
or a cold glass of iced-tea
and spend some intentional moments
with ONE
who makes moments Momentous. . .
AND FOR THE RECORD:
THERE’S NEVER ENOUGH SYRUP. . .
KEEP IT FLOWING