AMAZING THINGS HAPPEN
WHEN YOU TALK
AND
L I S T E N
especially when you ask
curiously
and
listen hard. . .
WE
L E A R N. . .
(A LOT)
THE ORANGE PEEL THEORY
Ok, I’m a little confused here, and now, maybe you are, too.
Does anybody know what the ORANGE PEEL THEORY is? I mean, I really thought an orange peel, was uhhhhh, you know, AN ORAGNE PEEL? You?
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! Thank you for playing, tell them what their consolation gift is, Johnny. . .
Does Your Relationship Pass The ‘Orange Peel Theory’ Test?
Here is what the new TikTok trend is all about — and what it might say about your own partner. let us in on an obviously not obvious secret. . .
JANINA STEINMETZ VIA GETTY IMAGES
A new thesis regarding relationships has gained popularity all over TikTok in recent weeks.
Dubbed the “orange peel theory,” the idea involves the ability to understand your partner and their feelings; it’s based on their tendency to perform simple tasks for you whether asked to do them or not ― like peeling an orange.
Videos have surfaced all over the social media platform with folks urging their partners to peel oranges for them or, more generally, requesting help with something you’re easily able to do yourself.
“The orange peel theory focuses on the idea that small acts of service are not just about the action itself but about what it represents in the relationship,” said Kate Truitt, a board-certified psychologist and applied neuroscientist. “They signal care, love and commitment, and the repetition of the act enhances the overall health and happiness of the relationship. These gestures, often simple and seemingly mundane, are in fact pivotal in nurturing a loving, supportive and enduring partnership.”
Georgina Sturmer, a registered counselor at the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, said that the trend is really a commentary on “the nuts and bolts of a relationship.”
In fact, many on TikTok have come to celebrate ― or negatively comment on ― romantic relationships based on observations made with the orange peel theory in mind.
Does your significant other peel an orange for you without you having to ask because he or she knows how much the smell of the skin bothers you, for example? Or does he or she complain about your “constant asking” when you do request a favor?
“The idea is that we are all subconsciously seeking signals from our partner to reassure us of their affection,” Sturmer said. “Signals that show us that they have an intimate knowledge of our likes and dislikes, and that they are prepared to go out of their way to make us happy.”
Why Acts Of Service Are Hallmarks Of A Good Relationship
According to Truitt, “regular, positive interactions are fundamental in creating a sense of security, trust and emotional bonding.”
That is all to say: Consistent acts of affection will not only prove that your partner cares for you, but they will also allow you to feel comfortable enough to explore the relationship further and, perhaps, deepen your connection. By demonstrating his or her appreciation for you through seemingly meaningless efforts, your partner will subconsciously give you the green light to feel even more secure in your relationship.
Truitt explained that kind gestures help build a positive emotional atmosphere that then “triggers the release of vital neurotransmitters like oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin.” These chemicals have been shown to reinforce positive feelings and, therefore, emotional connections.
In addition to providing an immediate sense of satisfaction and joy, these acts of kindness work to bolster the “foundations” of a relationship and one’s own sense of self, according to Truitt.
“This might sound obvious, but many of us carry around an inner critic that tells us that we are undeserving of kindness,” she said. “So when our partner offers a kind word, gesture or action, this strengthens the relationship between us, and it also boosts our own confidence and self-esteem.”
Some may contend that sporadic grand gestures may prove one’s love in their own way, perhaps even more than constant, small-scale actions — but the therapists don’t necessarily agree with that.
“Popular culture celebrates the grand gesture, like a proposal at the top of the Empire State Building, a dramatic race through an airport departure lounge,” Sturmer said. “These can be wonderful statements, but, in our everyday existence, the consistent caring interactions tell us that someone cares.”
Examples Of The Orange Peel Theory
Although the orange peel theory is clearly based on a specific action, the concept refers to a larger category of behaviors: everyday acts of tenderness that may not catch your attention immediately but, when put together, offer a pretty clear picture of your relationship status.
Examples of these quotidian efforts, according to Sturmer, include “cleaning dirty boots after a walk outside, collecting your partner at the bus station when it’s raining, refilling the gas in the family car when it’s running low.”
The key, according to the expert, is that the simple gesture goes unannounced and perhaps isn’t directly requested.
“It’s not accompanied with fanfare or an explicit requirement to show your appreciation,” she said.
Other examples may include ordering your partner’s favorite menu item from a restaurant before they can even ask, doing the dishes or bringing the mail in.
Truitt takes it a step further than the actionable aspect of the conversation, mentioning how certain behavioral dispositions fall under the scope of the theory, like active listening, expressions of appreciations, small feats of affection (“holding hands, hugs or a thoughtful note”), support during stress, quality time, consistent check-ins and celebrating successes.
How Can I Bring The Orange Peel Theory Up To My Partner?
It’s important to note that everyone has a different way of showing their appreciation and affection. However, if there is one thing that the orange peel theory has proved, it’s that small, consistent acts of kindness certainly help deliver the message that you care about someone. So how can you make sure that your partner knows this?
According to Truitt, there are a few ways. To start, lead by example.
“Often the best way to encourage behavior is to model it yourself,” she said. “Engage in small acts of kindness towards your partner regularly, which could range from a thoughtful note to a warm embrace, demonstrating the kind of affection and care you value.”
Communication is a big part of the subject as well, but, according to Truitt, it’s important to understand that the goal of any conversation is to enhance the relationship, not to “criticize your partner.”
You should therefore choose the right time and setting to bring the conversation up, focus on the positive aspects of your connection while also being specific about your desires. You might have to “clearly express what small gestures” you’re talking about, Truitt explained. Being direct is always the best course of action.
Don’t forget to also ask your partner’s take on it, Sturmer said. In addition to role-modeling the behavior, she suggested talking about what’s stopping your partner from fulfilling your needs.
“Maybe they’re assuming that you might find him or her doing things for you patronizing,” she said. “They’re worried about annoying you.” The solution? Direct communication.
One more tip: To ease into the conversation, Sturmer said, you might actually want to show your partner the various viral videos. “It gives you a chance to chat about it without making it feel personal.”
SERIOUSLY. . .
ORANGE YOU GLAD YOU KNOW THIS, NOW?
(so sorry; I couldn’t resist)
WHEN SMALL TALK BECOMES LARGE
WHAT’S REALLY THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN SMALL TALK AND LARGE TALK
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
L I S T E N
U P
7 Ways to Get Better at Small Talk—And Why
You Should. . .
Angela Haupt from Time Magazine took us to a different kind of sound booth that might have us listening another way. . .
When Gillian Sandstrom was a graduate student in Toronto more than a decade ago, she encountered a stranger on the subway who was carrying a scrumptious-looking cupcake.
Sandstrom had long considered herself an introvert and found small talk uncomfortable and even embarrassing. But drool-worthy desserts can’t go unadmired, so she approached the woman. “By the end of the conversation, she taught me that people can ride ostriches,” she recalls. “That’s what conversations do sometimes—and I was hooked after that.”
The experience inspired Sandstrom, a senior lecturer in the psychology of kindness at the University of Sussex in England, to conduct some of the leading research on the benefits of casual interactions with strangers and acquaintances. These brief but pleasant exchanges can enhance health and happiness, lifting mood, energy, and overall well-being. They often promote learning, expand people’s world views, and contribute to a sense of belonging. Plus, they’re good for both parties: Sandstrom’s research indicates that people view “minimal social interactions” such as a smile, compliment, or quick chat as an act of kindness.
You can maximize these benefits by making a point to talk to a wide range of people, additional research suggests. Chatting with your colleagues, barista, Uber driver, and the person surveying the ice-cream aisle with you builds what’s called relational diversity, which is a unique predictor of well-being.
Despite the benefits, many of us hate small talk. We often assume that the people around us aren’t interested in talking or won’t like us—but research indicates that we tend to underestimate how much our conversation partners enjoy our company, a phenomenon called “the liking gap.”
“We all have this negative voice in our heads that tells us we’re not very good at this social stuff,” Sandstrom says. “But the data suggest that people actually like you more than you think they do.”
The more you do it, she’s found, the more natural it will feel. One study by Sandstrom found that when people did a week-long scavenger hunt in which they had to find, approach, and talk to strangers, they grew more optimistic and confident about their conversational skills every day.
We asked experts to share their favorite strategies for getting better at small talk—because there’s only so much you can say about the weather.
Reframe the conversation as a treasure hunt
Alison Wood Brooks gets excited about small talk—and for years, it didn’t occur to her that some people dreaded it. But when she started teaching a course on conversation skills at Harvard Business School, she realized she had hit a nerve. “Even these high-achieving, brilliant MBA students—so many of them hate small talk,” says Brooks, whose forthcoming book is called Talk: The Science of Conversation and Art of Being Ourselves. “I’ve come to believe that I’m the weird one. I think most people truly dread small talk and struggle to figure out how to manage it.”
One key to changing that is to first accept that these casual chats are inevitable. “It’s a social ritual that you actually have to engage in, especially with strangers or people you don’t know that well,” she says. Then, reframe it in your mind as a treasure hunt. Dive in, eager to discover what fascinating or juicy tidbit you might unearth. Who knows where the conversation might lead?
Take advantage of “free information”
Lean into your surroundings, says Debra Fine, an expert on communication skills and author of The Fine Art of Small Talk. If you’re standing next to someone at a baby shower, for example, the fact that you’re both there is what she describes as “free information”—so ask the person how they know the mom-to-be. If you’re at a fundraiser, ask the stranger assigned to your dinner table how he got involved and what keeps him interested. Or ask the person squeezed into the airplane seat next to you if she’s been to your shared destination before. “If I’m at a 5K race this summer, I’ll say to the person next to me, ‘What’s your best ingredient for success at these things?’ Or, ‘Have you ever done this before?’” Fine says. Your shared reality is a terrific entry point and can lead to deeper conversation.
Don’t linger too long on low-priority topics
Think of conversation topics as a pyramid, Brooks says. The foundation consists of the obligatory small talk anyone can master: How about that rain? How was your weekend? These topics are foundational, she says—you often have to start conversations at the base of the pyramid.
The mistake people commonly make, however, is lingering there too long. “You get stuck talking about the weather for 15 minutes,” and all parties become desperate to escape, she says. Instead, ascend the pyramid by selecting topics that are increasingly more personalized and tailored to your conversation partner. Say you ask a colleague how their weekend was, and they tell you they went to a Taylor Swift concert. “As soon as you find that treasure, there are so many questions you can ask,” Brooks says. For example: What was your favorite part of the show? “And then all of a sudden you’re sprinting up the pyramid away from small talk, because they’re going to talk about their emotions and peak moments,” she says. Voila: small talk has evolved into deep talk.
Compliment unique forms of personal expression
Try not to comment on someone’s looks, which could come across as “creepy,” Sandstrom says. (For example: Avoid “you have such beautiful eyes,” which might make the recipient want to shuffle away as quickly as possible.)
Instead, channel your curiosity about a form of personal expression—like funky jewelry or hair color, or a striking outfit or bag—into a compliment that might start a conversation. “When you give someone a compliment, like ‘Oh, I love your tattoo,’ they often interpret it as, ‘You’re asking me the story about it,’” she says.
Sandstrom once complimented a waitress on her earrings, and the woman told her how she collects a new set everywhere she travels. That particular pair happened to be shaped like sailboats—and had been made out of old boat materials. The exchange brightened each person’s day, and remains vivid in Sandstrom’s mind.
Skip questions about marriage, kids, and work
When you’re talking to strangers and acquaintances, it’s generally wise to steer clear of controversial topics (like religion and politics) and to avoid probing potentially sensitive matters (such as inquiring if someone is married or has kids). Another possible landmine: Asking someone what they do for work. Not only is it a tired line of inquiry, but it could thrust someone into the uncomfortable position of, say, disclosing they were recently laid off.
Instead, try a question like: “’What keeps you busy outside of work or school?’” Fine advises. For acquaintances, use phrases like “catch me up on” or “bring me up to speed.” For example: You might ask a high-school senior to fill you in on their college search, rather than inquiring if they got into Dartmouth.
When someone asks you a question,
respond generously
Think of conversation as a game—and aim to be an active player, which requires investing energy into it. If someone asks you how you are, and you simply respond “good,” you’re being a “lazy conversationalist,” Fine says. Rather than a single-word response, offer a full sentence in return, like: “I just watched the most recent episode of Ted Lasso, and I didn’t think it was that great.” That gives the person you’re talking to plenty to work with if they’d like to continue to chat.
Exit the conversation gracefully
People often drag conversations on for too long because they can’t figure out how to end them, Brooks says.
While the exact circumstances will dictate how you navigate your exit, consider introducing the person to someone else, suggests Diane Windingland, author of several books on communication skills, including Small Talk, Big Results. Make a positive comment about why they should meet, and then say, “I’ll let you two get to know each other.”
If that’s not possible, briefly recap the conversation—“I enjoyed hearing about your fishing adventures”—and, if you want, mention something you could do together in the future. Then, Windingland recommends concluding like this: “Please excuse me; I have to talk to so and so.” Or, “It’s been great talking to you, but I don’t want to monopolize your time.”
It really is this simple. . .
Everyone has a story to tell
that not only needs to be told
but desperately needs to be heard
BE THE EAR
T O
L I S T E N
TAKING THE CON OUT OF CONVERSATIONS
This is the time of the year
when you both
run into people you haven’t seen in a long time
and meet new people
sometimes quite randomly as you are
running about
EITHER WAY
it calls for
C O N V E R S A T I O N
which can actually
petrify some
and soothe others. . .
and make us all wonder:
We Want to Have Deeper Conversations With Strangers. . .
Why Don’t We?
What do we gain from connecting with strangers—and what holds us back?
A new study suggests some answers. . .
When we talk to strangers, if we talk to them, we often default to “small talk” or “chit-chat.” We may muse about the weather or a recent movie or what we did over the weekend. This surface-level talk may keep us comfortable, but it’s often unfulfilling.
What prevents us from deepening our conversations with strangers?
A recent study by Michael Kardas, Amit Kumar, and Nicholas Epley published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychologyfinds that we tend to underestimate how much strangers are interested in and care about our more personal revelations. They also mistakenly assume that conversations with strangers will be uncomfortable and unrewarding. These miscalibrated expectations create a psychological barrier that prevents us from having more “deep talk.”
The study raises a question for all of us: What if we took more chances in connecting with strangers?
Asking the big questions
In the study’s first set of experiments, the researchers told participants that they would answer and discuss four deep questions with a stranger, like, “For what in your life do you feel most grateful?” and “Can you describe a time you cried in front of another person?”
After reading the questions, but before meeting their randomly assigned conversation partner, participants predicted how interested they would be in hearing the other person’s answers, how interested they expected the other person would be in hearing their answers, how awkward they would feel during the conversation, how much they would like the other person, and how happy they would feel about the conversation. After 10 minutes spent discussing the deep questions with their partner, participants answered questions about how the conversation actually went.
Overall, participants weren’t very good at predicting how the conversation would go. They underestimated how interested they and their conversation partner would be in each other’s answers, as well as how connected and happy they’d feel afterward. They also overestimated the awkwardness of the conversation.
“Not only does having a deep conversation with another person seem to be a surprisingly positive experience, it seems to be more positive than having a shallow conversation,” write the researchers.
The researchers hypothesized that the reason people have such a tendency to avoid deeper conversations with strangers is because they believe strangers won’t care about their answers or find them interesting.
Experiments bore this out. For example, in one experiment participants were able to choose from a list of shallower and deeper questions to answer with a stranger. Participants who were told beforehand that people tend to underestimate how much strangers will care about each other’s answers selected significantly more of the deeper questions than did participants who were told people tend to overestimate the caring of strangers.
Throughout the experiments in this study, a simple theme emerged: Our expectations about how conversations with strangers will go often run in a negative direction. Unfortunately, these assumptions likely govern how we interact with people we don’t know well in our day-to-day lives. As the researchers write:
Our data suggest that underestimating others’ deeply social nature—assuming that others will be more indifferent and uncaring in conversation that they actually are—could help to explain why conversations in daily life are shallower than people might prefer. Our participants consistently expected their conversations to be more awkward, and lead to weaker connections and less happiness than they actually did.
What strangers can give us
What’s unknown is to what extent these findings are generalizable. Although the experiments in this study included a range of different groups—American undergraduate and master’s students, financial services employees, international MBA students, community members in a park, and online participants—most of the experiments were conducted in the United States. So, it remains to be seen if the same results would be found in other cultures.
Here’s another open question: Do impromptu conversations with strangers differ from conversations prompted by experimenters? As the researchers acknowledge, it’s a lot easier to engage in deeper conversations when instructed to do so. And because “small talk” is a social norm in many settings, trying to engage in a more intimate conversation in the “real world” may make some people wonder if you’re angling for a date or trying to sell them something.
But other studies in more naturalistic settings suggest that we frequently make false assumptions about how interactions with strangers will likely go. In a study of train and bus commuters, people predicted that they would have a more positive experience keeping to themselves than while talking with a stranger, when the opposite was actually true. In another study, people instructed to give a compliment to a stranger overestimated how uncomfortable and bothered—and underestimated how positive—the compliment recipient would feel. And a study that included pairs of new dorm mates and strangers at a workshop found a robust “liking gap” between how much people thought strangers liked them after a conversation and how much they actually did.
Together, these studies show that we may benefit from experimenting with talking to strangers even when we don’t feel like it—and consider moving beyond small talk when we do engage in these conversations.
“If you think that a deep conversation is likely to be especially awkward, then you are unlikely to give yourself the chance to find out that you might be a little bit wrong,” write the researchers. “Only by engaging with others do people accurately understand the consequences of doing so.”
There’s another possible benefit from deepening our conversations with strangers: feeling more socially connected and even maybe gaining more friends. After all, all friends were strangers at one point, and studies have found that “deep talk” speeds up the formation of friendships.
This doesn’t mean, however, that we need to go straight for the vulnerability jugular, exposing our worst fear or past traumas while ordering a cup of coffee. Instead, we may consider asking gradually more intimate questions—or disclosing more vulnerable information about ourselves—the next time we have the opportunity to have an extended conversation with a stranger.
In fact, in this study, the researchers noticed that some pairs assigned to discuss shallow questions eventually gravitated to deeper topics, suggesting there may be a natural drive to increasing intimacy over the course of a conversation.
So if you see yourself veering toward more vulnerable territory the next time you talk to your seatmate on a plane, consider using this study as a reason to give in to the impulse. You might just walk away with a new friend—or at least feel happier and more connected than you expected.
Photo by August de Richelieu on Pexels.com
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm of the day:
Sometimes the best Conversation
you ever could have
is the one
you never saw
h a p p e n i n g. . .
The best way to take the
C O N
out of Conversation
is this simple:
TALK IT UP
The CONVERSATION
Michael W. Smith
is a Christian Artist
with a most worldly
ALL ENCOMPASSING
m e s s a g e
that goes way beyond
a piano note
or nicely worded lyrics:
Oh these days I’m at a distance
Sirens scream but I don’t listen
There’s a million distractions I can’t escape
Like I’m sleepwalking now but I’m wide awake
And the picture I painted I want to change
Right now
Bring me into the conversation
All my walls, you can see them shaking, yeah
I’m staring at you, hanging on every word you’re saying
Won’t you bring me into the conversation
One by one we’re separated
What I thought was love just looked like hatred
I’ve been losing myself trying to prove you wrong
And right now all I know is I can’t go on
So I’m stepping across all the lines I’ve drawn
Right now, right now
Bring me into the conversation (conversation, conversation)
All my walls, you can see them shaking, oh yeah
I’m staring at you, hanging on every word you’re saying
Won’t you bring me into the conversation.
I just wanna talk to you
I just wanna talk to you
I just wanna talk to you
I just wanna talk to you
I just wanna hear what you’re saying
Won’t you bring me into the conversation
All my walls you can see them shaking, oh yeah
I’m staring at you, hanging on every word you’re saying
Oh Won’t you bring me into the conversation
I just wanna talk to you
I just wanna hear what you’re saying oh yeah
I M A G I N E
DARE BELIEVE
UNDERSTAND
KNOW
The world could literally change
Be transformed
Come off it’s tracks
If we just said
“BRING ME INTO THE CONVERSATION”
“I JUST WANT TO TALK WITH YOU”
“TELL ME YOUR STORY”
“I REALLY WANT TO HEAR WHAT YOU ARE SAYING”
L I S T E N
l i s t e n
I just don’t want to talk with you. . .
I want to
Listen
TO HEAR
WHAT YOU ARE SAYING
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm of the Day:
Maybe before you bring me into the
c o n v e r s a t i o n
I need to prove to you
s h o w y o u
GIVE YOU
a reason
to do
S O
LOVED TO DEATH
The line has stuck with me for well over
E I G H T E E N Y E A R S. . .
and I suspect for the rest of my life as a father;
Did you hear it?
Is it one of your favorite lines, too,
in the SHADOW OF FATHER’S DAY. . .
“YOUR FLAWS AS A SON ARE MY FAILURES AS A FATHER.”
S E R I O U S L Y:
Have you ever thought,
“IF I WAS A BETTER PARENT, maybe my children would be better, not suffered as much”
Yes, I have suffered many little deaths along the way as any dad would/does. . . Children always have a way of ripping your heart out without a scalpel and tramping on your aorta; watching it as flutters, sputters blood and seamlessly stops
beating by either what they say/do or don’t say or do. . .But my father’s heart has never stopped loving, never stop caring, never stop giving, and I believe it’s what makes me who I am and who I want to continue to be. . .It’s hard work; it’s an endless job from which I will never retire and of which I will never seek to do so. . .
It wasn’t the IWatch my daughters came together and bought for me or the great playlists of songs my son compiled for me that has meaning just between he and I including, Harry Chapin’s classic, “Cats in the Cradle”
It wasn’t DONUTS WITH DAD and a great Father’s Day Service at Church. . .
Yes, to have the love of my children is severely precious to me but it was crowned with the visit to my dad in the Nursing Home in Washington, Pa.
With my mom, Erin and my brother Mike visiting him we had continual laughs and a constant flow of memories. . .including a gift that included a canvas print of his four children with my brother-in-law, Bill and my dad some 11 years ago finishing a half-marathon
I wheeled him down for dinner ahead of my brother, mom and Erin and while I put a ‘man-bib’ (MIB) around his neck I leaned down and whispered in his ear, “I can’t ever remember you and I sitting down and having a ‘father and son’ talk; dad I don’t ever remember you lecturing me; but what has always meant the most to me, especially now, is that we never had that talk, and never had to; you didn’t tell me how to live, dad; YOU LIVED, AND LET ME WATCH YOU DO IT and I can’t tell you how that has shaped my life and literally made me who I am. I love you to death. . .” and I hugged him, hugged him not as hard as Commodus in GLADIATOR, but enough
e n o u g h
and made sure we both had a new and lasting
m e m o r y
. . .I hope you had as good of a day, yesterday
and more
inspired to have a few more good days, holidays included,
along the way. . .
May your greatest memories be those
Y O U H A V E
yet to create
(and then some)
DEGRADED
Yeah. . .
I was T H A T kid.
I wasn’t very good in school. . .
I didn’t like it. . .
I don’t know if it much liked me, either. . .
I went there to play sports
and when sports went away,
I used it for a true means
to an e n d. . .
I learned to beat it
M O R E
than it beat me.
I learned to overcome it’s shame
and D E G R A D I N G G R A D E S. . .
When I was in 6th grade we had just moved again;
It was the third school I had been in 6 years. . .
In retrospect. . .
it really made me the extrovert,
people-person I am today. . .
but it was tough, t h e n. . .
Our teacher was Old School
in an n e w school. . .
She believed in motivating through humiliation;
When you took a test
she let everyone know what S C O R E
they received by
Calling out your name
and putting your paper on the desk. . .
but just not any desk;
We had five rows of them. . .
She started by calling out the names
of all those who had received
F’s
by putting them on the row of desks in the fifth row;
D’s
were the Fourth Row;
C’s
right in the middle;
B’s
in the Second Row
and with drum roll anticipation
and great Pomp
T h e A’s
were reserved for T H A T
First Row. . .
Yes, I can finally write about it now. . .
I landed not just in the Fifth Row,
but most of the time,
the last or next to the last seat in the Fifth Row. . .
H-U-M-L-L-I-A-T-E-D–N O T
m o t i v a t e d !
And then I found a way out:
E X T R A C R E D I T !
We walked to school,
which was a half of a block away
and went home for lunch. . .
I would hurry home
and eat lunch and then hurry back to school
so that I could grab the Encyclopedias
and come up with a 3-5 minute talk
about some interesting facts
of what we were studying in Geography;
I didn’t discover my voice. . .
I literally ascertained that my mouth,
the mouth that had been washed out several times with soap,
that got sent to bed countless times for
‘s a s s i n g,’
that mouth which could convince
my brothers and sister
out of their favorite Halloween or Easter candy,
belongs in a Circus—
all T h r e e – R i n g s !
I did what everyone else hated to do:
T a l k
in front of the class room,
three days a week,
following our lunch break. . .
I’d tell them about the importing and exporting business
in Peru or Rio or Guam;
Told them about climates and what grew best in the soil;
What Winter’s or Fall’s were like;
I told them what the favorite hobbies
or past-time’s were in those locales and
I K E P T F A I L I N G T E S T S. . .
But I kept moving up Rows. . .
From the F’s
to the D’s
to the C’s
to the B’s
and finally. . .
I was sitting in the last seat of the
A’s Row
because of a mouth that couldn’t be quieted or
D E – G R A D E D !
I remember one afternoon,
going in before school resumed
again after lunch
and working on another Extra Credit talk
while S H E
was sitting at her desk grading papers
to a test we had just taken that morning;
“You found a way, didn’t you,” she asked me?
I looked up from the Encyclopedia that I was reading,
getting ready for my next talk. . .
“Uhhh, ma’am.”
“You found a way of passing while failing, didn’t you?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Well, it’s a good thing, because this test you just took would have landed you back in the last seat of the Fourth Row.”
I didn’t say or do anything, because I couldn’t look away from her.
She smiled and said,
“Congratulations. Well done, Mr. Behrens. You have found a way out of the way and I believe it will serve you well.”
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. . .
I haven’t stopped smiling—–
y e t. . .
or
T A L K I N G. . .
They Talk
THEY TALK.
A group of men who seem to meet the same time at McDonald’s every morning. Sometimes there are more of them, some times a little less, but there always seems to be a Core of 3-4 of the same men.
THEY TALK.
These group of men with their Senior .50 cups of coffee…
THEY TALK.
These group of men with their ball caps and their un-matching jackets…
THEY TALK.
These group of men discuss current events, sports, grandkids, children who are losing jobs or moving away or back in, getting up four or five times in the middle of the night, social security checks, V A benefits, wives who are and were, cars, gas prices, death, funerals. . .