The Caring Catalyst

Who Cares - What Matters

LAUGH MAN

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The   World   is   a   Sad   Place

u n l e s s.          .          .

Thanks to the World Laughter Tour and Dr. Steve Wilson

I became a Certified Laughter Leader

in February, 2016

but often

I’m more C E R T I F I A B L E 

than CERTIFIED.        .        .

I recently provided a workshop

for a Hospice Team

that was organized by their FUN COMMITTEE.       .       .

Shortly following the workshop

one of the Nurses on the Team sent me this email:

Chuck, Thanks for the laughs. I think you answered a question for me.  A year ago an acquaintance of my brother and I had posted on FaceBook that she could not tell the difference between us from posted pictures.  My nephew posted that the the pictures where the guy was smiling was my brother.  The other pictures were of his uncle, me.  Since I do not use social media, I wouldn’t have noticed except my daughter pointed out to me how she had put her cousin in his place.  (Such fire can come from gentle souls!)  Since then though I have been checking in with the mirror to see where the smile went  I was most puzzled because (1) My nickname in high school was “ear to ear,” and (2) I thought that I was smiling.  I have been watching my peers in team and I have noticed that we do not smile except the we are laughing.  As I watched you, I did not see a smile except with laughter.  When your face relaxed the corners of your mouth relaxed downward.  I have a voice from the past that says, “It  takes more  muscles  to  frown  than  to  smile.”  What has happened?  I think that it is this: Both smiles and frowns are surface expressions and quickly deceive  Of the two, though, are work allows for the frown as the more acceptable.  I think that we spend a great deal of effort in the trenches where smiles are inappropriate.  We have lost the ability to smile from disuse of smiling muscles  So though we may be smiling on the inside, our faces do not show it.  I do not think that this is either good or bad.  I thing that it as the artist, Chuck Close has said, “The  face  is  a  road  map  of  a  person’s life.”  You showed me today that you do not have to be able to smile to be able to laugh,  Hohohahaha, YEAH! Thanks.

How about an

“A”

for paying way more than just Attention

but   for  really

N        O        T        I        C        I        N        G

Harry Chapin

is still one of my favorite musicians.        .         .

He died tragically in a car accident

on July 16, 1981, at 39 years of age.        .         .

He wrote a song,

L  A  U  G  H      M  A  N

that I’ve always related to personally and publicly

long before becoming a Certified Laughter Leader

.         .         .maybe it embodies and describes the essence of all of us:

https://youtu.be/ZpQ_eqi4UKU

The   World   can   be   a   really   sad   Place.        .          .

u n l e s s

I   make   it   a   different

r            e            s            i            d            e            n            c            e

join me

in proving

w     h     o     e     v     e     r

L       A      U      G      H      S

l    a    s    t    s.       .       .

Let’s    be    about

P        R        O        V        I        N        G                 I        T

A Better Place

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Are you in a

B E T T E R       P L A C E

because of

S        O        M        E        O        N        E 

literally

created it

and put

you

in the

heart of

T       H       A       T

v   e   r   y

B  E  T  T  E  R      P L A C E

Maybe the biggest question:

Are you the

s              o              l              e

r e a s o n

S         O         M         E         O         N         E

is

in

a

b  e  t  t  e  r       p  l  a  c  e ?

I’ll tell the world, I’ll sing a song,

It’s a better place since you came along    

Your touch is sunlight

through the trees

Your kisses are the ocean breeze

Everything’s alright when you’re with me

And I hold my favorite thing

I hold the love that you bring

But it feels like I’ve opened my eyes again

And the colors are golden and bright again

There’s a song in my heart, I feel like I belong

It’s a better place since you came along

I see the whole world in your eyes

It’s like I’ve known you all my life

We just feel so right

So I pour my heart into your hands

It’s like you really understand

You love the way I am.     .     .

Maybe if we were to sit across from

e     a     c     h ‘ s

o          t          h          e          r    

and do nothing

n  o  t     o  n  e     t  h  i  n  g

but just look

into one another’s

e   y   e   s

we’d not just see

those we love

d i f f e r e n t l y.            .            .

I               M               A               G               I               N               E

if we were to sit

across from those

who have

hurt us

disappointed us

mocked us

disrespected us

intentionally went out of their ways

to feel each of those things

in utterly devastating ways

countless times

o                     v                     e                     r

would it be the same kind of

lyric

or even more

l         i         f         e

c          h          a          n          g          i          n          g   ?

Dare   to   find   out.          .          .

u        n        b        l        i        n        k        i        n        g        l        y ?

Cuckoo’d

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images-3

Ever get a little Cuckoo?

I did once–back in 1986–for Christmas, actually.      .      .

It was a gift—-R E A L L Y !

Just married,

6 months before

to blend a woman, a man,

her daughter and his two into a brand new family.       .       .

He was a member of First Christian Church there on E. Beau Street in Washington, PA. where I was an Associate Minister at the time.        .        .

I forget his name, Last and First.        .        .

I barely can remember what he looks like.         .         .

in fact, don’t send the Police Sketch Artist over

unless he can just draw,

“Balding    and    elderly    with    wire    rim    glasses.”

.         .         .but his gift.         .         .

I Remember.         .        .

He thought it would be a nice gift

–Christmas or not–

for our newly formed family,

with the girls and all.       .       .

So for the annual Rummage Sale, this

Forgotten REMEMBERED Gift-Giver

saw us all eyeing up a Cuckoo Clock–

his and, though it was in fact his donation to the cause,

he actually bought it for us.         .         .

thought it the right thing to do.          .          .

FOR    SURE,   IT    WAS    A    KIND    GESTURE.        .        .

U      N     F      O      R      G      O      T      T      E      N

.       .       .and it gets even better.       .       .

He came over and installed it

T     H     A     N    K    F    U   L   L   Y

Because I’m lucky to put together a few stumbled words that make any sense let alone a   Cuckoo   Clock   that   was   in   a
s h o e b o x–s i z e 1 0–m e n’ s.        .        .

He came over and under all of our watchful eyes,

not only assembled it piece by piece

but hung it on the wall and showed us how to carefully pull down the weights

and presto with one gentle push of the pendulum

it began ticking and tocking in a most comforting way.     .     .

We could all hardly wait and then.        .        .

and then it happened it hit 6:00

and that Cuckoo came out for the very first time.        .        .

we witnessed it with wonder and awe.        .        .

It seemed to be that way every time we heard it,

day,

night

or middle of the night until.       .       .

UNTIL we moved.         .         .

We moved to Bay Village, OH

early next Summer, to a new Church,

Westlake Christian Church

and set up our home.         .        .

but the Cuckoo Clock didn’t fare so well;

It made the trip just fine.           .           .

it was carefully packed and unpacked.          .          .

It was the HANGING.          .          .

I didn’t know the Cuckoo had actually been Tried and Convicted.        .        .

but the  HANGING  was a brutal, unmerciful

ACT      OF      DESTRUCTION

The Cuckoo never appeared again.          .         .

Oh, yeah,

the Clock was hung up on the wall,

several actually,

but it didn’t work right again.        .        .

I don’t think I got that

SOME    ASSEMBLY    REQUIRED

part   right.        .        .

The Cuckoo found an unsightly burial on a garage heap early one

Tuesday morning.          .          .

never to be heard of again.          .          .

never to make an hourly appearance.          .         .

h      i      s

T  I  M  E

i  s

O    U    T

I’ve loved Watches all of my life–

Thanks, Pap.        .        .

His      I L L U M I N A T E D      at   night.

I’ve    always    been    about

T     I     M     E

MAKING    IT
WASTING    IT
SEARCHING    FOR    IT
SAVORING    IT
SAVING    IT

but it does

G   O

one tick-tock at a time.        .          .

some faster.        .        .

some slower.         .         .

some unnoticed.          .          .

some forgettable.           .          .

some unfathomable.        .       .
some unimaginably memorable.        .         .

some.         .         .

APPLE

just came out with another new Watch;

I didn’t buy it,

I don’t think I will.       .       .

The Cuckoo taught this Dodo a very valuable lesson.           .           .

still    is ;

No     Watch,
No     Clock,
No     Timepiece,
No     Woman,
No     Man,
No     Child,
N   O        M   A   T   T   E   R

will ever give me any more time.       .       .

And, and that’s,

that is OK.       .       .

I have all the Time there is,

w     a    s

and will be.        .       .

T I C K

T O C K

T I C K

T O C K

C U C K O O
C U C K O O
C U C K O O
C U C K O O
C U C K O O
C U C K O O
C U C K O O
C U C K O O
C U C K O O
C U C K O O
C U C K O O
cuckoo

The Glass That Doesn’t B R E A K

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Are   your   Endings

truly   your   Beginnings.     .     .     ?

It feels like an easy answer, doesn’t it?

Maybe this is what really makes us

H           U          M          A          N  ?

These ominous endings and beginnings. . .

these bend-over-laugh-till-you-throw-up-moments

and the I-can’t-stop-crying-instances;

Maybe it’s our insatiable curiosity

or our impending doom gloominess. . .

What makes us

H          U          M           A           N  ?

What makes you distinctively

human?

Your laugh.     .     .

Your sigh.     .     .

Your moods.     .     .

Your smile.     .     .

Your tears.     .     .

Your compassion.     .     .

Your empathy.     .     .

Your eyes.     .     .

Your facial features.     .     .

Your ability to question.     .     .

Your ability to answer.     .     .

what.          .          .what.          .          .w h a t.          .          .

makes          y     o     u           h u m a n ?

It’s enough to shatter your pretty glass, isn’t it?

Well in a World of

u n s u r e d n e s s 

here’s some fragile trustworthiness:

Your Glass may be shattered. . .but never broken

It’s   your

f      i      l      l      a      b       i      l      i      t      y

that’ll  make  sure  your  glass  is  never  fully  empty

a     n     d

by  the  way.          .          .

ohhhhhh      what     a     beautiful     g l a s s 

Raise it up high

y    o     u

are   a  

T              o              a              s              t    

well   worth   being   made

and

celebrated.

S        A        L        U        T        E

Hearing the SILENCE

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What exactly do you call

S             I           L             E             N             C             E

that    s   p   e   a   k   s.       .       .        ?

Some call it

C o n s c i e n c e

Some call it

I n t u i t i o n

Some call it

S i x t h   S e n s e

Some call it

E n e r g y

Some call it

S p i r i t

Some call it

S        i        l        e        n        c        e

I had just finished a funeral

it was a little 3:30 in the afternoon

and my first thought was to go and finish charting;

but then

I     T

happened.       .       .

As   I   pulled   out   of   the  funeral   home   parking   lot

and began going down the short road to home

I saw there was a lot of traffic

and at the one light

where I would have gone straight

I turned left and got on the road

that took me to

Ames Family Hospice House

one of our inpatient units.     .     .

When I walked in the front door

there she was.       .       .

I had only met her once.     .     .

y   e   s   t   e   r   d   a   y

and we had talked about

the decline of her father and

.       .       .and his funeral.        .        .

and now I walk in and actually see

her being picked off the floor by some staff

and her husband

after being told

“You’re  father died,”

after sitting vigil for him with days on end

and just leaving for a few moments

to pick up her children from school.      .     .

When she saw me, she looked in disbelief and said,

“There’s   the   guy   who’s   going   to   do   my   dad’s   funeral;  how   did   he   know   to   come?”

After I sat with the family for a while

and we made some preliminary funeral arrangements

and I was walking away from them

I heard a voice from a gentleman

who’s uncle I had a funeral service for

two weeks earlier.     .     .

“C      H      U      C     K !”

.      .     .and when I turned to see who was calling my name,

his wife asked,

“How   did   you   know   to   come   here.     .     .my   mother   just   died.”

H     O     W.        .       .

h o w     i n d e e d.       .       .

was  it

c o n s c i e n c e

i n t u i t i o n

s i x t h  s e n s e

e n e r g y

s p i r i t

s        i       l       e       n       c       e

The World takes us down so many, many

d i f f e r e n t   r o a d s

and one of the biggest secrets in the World

isn’t  that they are all in our hands

and not that they all lead

t o  a

p        l       a      c      e

b u t    t o     a

d        e        s        t      i       n       a        t       i        o        n

w h e r e

s            i            l            e            n            c            e

s  p  e  a  k  s

that can be heard

in crystal clear

precision

with no misunderstanding.        .        .

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

l i s t e n.        .       .

There’s a big difference

between listening to the

s    i    l    e   n   c   e

and actually

hearing

e x p e r i e n c i n g

it.     .     .

That’ll take you down roads that will have you and people asking,

“How  did  you  know  to  be  here?”

Cell by Cell

By 2 Comments

 

images-4Have you ever felt

L    E    S    S ?

Have you ever felt

as if you just could get comfortable

for just more than a few seconds,

that your life would take on a different

 S       H       A       P       E ?

Easy for what you wish for.        .        .

There’s probably nothing that a Study hasn’t been done.        .        .

EVEN AMOEBA’S.           .           .

A few years back there was a study done by Researchers at the University of California, Berkley.

The Researchers did an experiment that involved

a   l o n e l y   Amoeba

and placing it into a perfectly stress-free environment.       .       .

It was absolutely

P      E      R      F      E      C      T !

Ideal temperature
Optimal concentration of moisture
Constant Food Supply

P        E        R        F        E        C        T !

The Amoeba had an environment where literally,

there were absolutely no adjustments to be made or compensated for whatsoever.

It’s kind of easy to assume, isn’t it,

that this was one happy little  A m o e b a .       .       .

Whatever it is that gives Amoebas ulcers and high blood pressure was gone–

A      B      S      E      N      T

And.         .         .and here comes the funny,

no, the scary part:

I  T      D  I  E  D  !

The study,

which was run over and over again, hypothesized.      .      .

PROVED  apparently there is something about all living creatures,

AMOEBAS included, that demands

C      H      A      L      L      E      N      G      E !

We.        .        .ohhhhhh nooooooooooo,

seemingly require CHANGE.

We require V A R I E T Y.       .       .

Adaptation and Challenge are just as necessary as food and air.

GET THIS:

Comfort all by itself

A Stress-free atmosphere

Total Ideal Conditions over a long,

sustained period of time

are  D   E   A   D   L   Y !

Is   it   true?

Or is it just

Amoeba-related?

Maybe the whole deal of

B       E       I       N       G

thriving,

living creatures

is that we need

Change
Alteration
Variety
Action
Stimulation
Modification

Real, live, day-to-day consequences.             .             .

L I F E.        .        .

We are living,

walking,

breathing

C h e m i s t r y   sets that prove we need

C            H            A            N            G            E

to remain the same to continue to grow under the not-so-noticable Microscope called the World’s eye.

Maybe.      .      .maybe it really is true:

We are quite the

P     R     O     J     E     C     T

(ALWAYS ONGOING.        .        .and THRIVING because of it)

BEWARE OF THE LONELY AMOEBA–

it’s deadly!

Hmmmmmmmm of the Day:

THE   ONLY   THING   CONSTANT   IS   CHANGE

is  actually  a  HEALTHY  THING!

Do  you l ike

C         H         A         N         G        E  ?    

Pssssssst.      .      .

Check yourself–l i t e r a l l y–

even at this very nano-second

you’re changing cell by cell !

Can’t feel a thing, huh.      .      .      ?

or,  c a n    y o u ?

Remembering The FLAME

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https://youtu.be/RIUkqTq7RZQ

Have you actually ever

had  a

D     R     E     A     M

come  true?

Did it unroll before you

just as you scripted?

Was it better than you expected.       .       .

Greater than you imagined.       .       .

A Disaster ?

What would happen if

Y O U R      D R E A M

actually

emphatically

unbelievably

inevitably

came true.       .        .        ?

Would it fit under the

PHYSIC EQUATION:

FOR   EVERY   ACTION

THERE’S   A  REACTION ?

I  F

Your  every  Dream

actually came true

at what cost

would

it

be

?

Emma Stone poses these kind of questions

p       o       w       e       r       f       u       l       l       y

in her

Audition Song:

H E R E ‘ S    T O    T H E    F O O L S

from  La La Land

an Academy Award Nominated Movie

for the Best Picture of the Year

Here’s to rebels

the ripples from pebbles

The Painters

The Poets

The Plays

Here’s to the Fools who Dream

Crazy as they may seem

Here’s to the Hearts 

that Break,

Here’s to the Mess

W  E

m       a       k       e.         .         .

L          I          V          E

your life in such a way that

s      m     i     l     i     n    g

through

you’d    pledge    to     do     it

a   g   a   i   n

.            .           .a life full of dreams

realized

and not so

c  o  m  p  l  e  t  e  d.       .       .

A  Caring Catalyst Life

fulfilled

and 

intentionally

purposely

painfully

F  U  L  F  I  L  L  I  N  G

An Easier Road

By 2 Comments

https://youtu.be/3L8diP48eN0

How long has it been?

There are many million

M     I     L     L     I     O     N           D     O     L     L     A     R          Q     U     E     S     T     I     O     N     S

but not a whole lot of

M     I     L     L     I     O     N          D     O     L     L     A     R          A     N     S     W     E     R     S

and the only one that ever really matters

e     v     e     r

is the one single answer that makes any difference

to all of the questions put together

that seem to ask

W          H          O                  A          R          E                   Y          O          U   ?

Are   You   More

Forgiving

Compassionate

Hoarding

Giving

Loving

Revengeful

Forgetful

Add  A  Verb

Add  An  Adjective 

Add  A  Noun

Add  A  Pronoun

Add  A  Feeling

.     .     .It’s never a favorite possession

.    .    .It’s never your favorite Sense

.    .    .It’s never a favorite body part

.   .   .It’s never a favorite activity

.     .     .i s   it.     .     .     ?

.     .     .It’s always a loved one

.     .     .i s n ‘ t     i t.    .     .     ?

Which is the easier road with any one of these

on      your    back ?

How.       .       .long has it been

since you  r e a l l y,

r e a l l y     f o u n d     o u t ?

(maybe  that’s  the  tougher  road)

MUDDIED WORDS

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imrs-php

It was a moment I’ll never forget.     .      .

She’s an 87 year old lady

on hospice

who looked up from her bed at me

and asked me if it was ok for her to say the word:

“F  *  C  K?”

It rolled so sweetly off her tongue.     .     .

from her lips.       .       .

and I remember distinctly not being able to hold back a smile as I asked,

“Do you need permission to say anything, to me, to anyone?”

“It’s   just   a   word   that   for   all   of   my   life   has   seemed   to   sum   up   everything,”

she said,

“.       .       .when   I’m   mad,   when   I’m   happy,   when   I’m   afraid   and   scared   or   when                         I’m   in   pain.     .     .”

“.     .     .Do   you   think   it’s   wrong.     .     .Do   you   think   I’ll   be   punished   for   it?”

“Was you  intention  ever to hurt someone or embarrass them?”

“Oh  no, never.   .   .I  guess  I  always  said   ‘f * c k’    to  make  me  feel  better.”

“Has it?”

“Always.   .   .it’s my go-to-sum-it-all-up-word.       .        .      .”

Some nearly twenty years later.       .       .

Every time I hear

t  h  e     w  o  r   d

I think of her and smile.       .       .

Back then I didn’t have the

Research

The Studies

The Data

that back up her empirical feelings.       .        .

I’ve swallowed bars of soap.     .     .

Sat in countless  TIME OUT  Chairs.     .     .

Been sent to my room.     .     .

Felt a hand across my face.     .     .

Been embarrassed.     .     .

but it seems that the

c     u     r     s     i     n     g

problem, isn’t a problem at all.

Now this is not a blog post

to condone

to allow

to make ok

to put a stamp of approval on

 m     u     d     d     i     e     d              w     o     r     d     s

but the studies are showing support

for what my hospice patient felt all of those years ago:

THAT   SWEARING  ACTUALLY  RELIEVES  PAIN

.       .       .and isn’t that the real goal of emotional outbursts:

TO   RELIEVE  PAIN ?

Richard Stephens of Keele University in England led a study that measured just how long 67 college students could keep their hands submerged in ice water.       .       .The group of students were encouraged to yell profanities for one controlled testing, and then to use non-swear words while completing the test.     .     .is it surprising that the 67 volunteers endured the cold temperatures for some 40 seconds longer  WHILE  SCREAMING  OBSCENITIES and more, the group actually felt less pain overall.     .      .Stephens even went so far as to say, “I would advise people, if they hurt themselves, to swear.”

Of course, there is a sanitary, clinical term for this:

HYPOALGESIC   EFFECT  OF  SWEARING

Richard Stephens also concluded 10 other reasons why swearing may be good for the Soul:

IT  MAKES  YOU FEEL  STRONGER

IT  ACTUALLY  DOESN’T  MAKE YOU  FEEL  STUPID  OR  IGNORANT

IT  SERVES  AS  A  GREAT  COPING  MECHANISM

IT  HELPS  YOU  FEEL  MUCH  MORE  RESILIENT

IT  REALLY  DOES  MAKE  YOU  FEEL  SO  VERY  MUCH  BETTER

IT’S  MORE  ENGAGING  WHILE  WATCHING  TV  AND  MOVIES

IT  HELPS  CREATE  CLOSE  BONDS  WITH  OTHER  PEOPLE

IT’S   INNATE   AND   EXPRESSIVE

IT   MEANS   YOU’RE   CREATIVE

IT  HELPS  YOU  EMPHASIZE  YOUR  POINTS  

Timothy Jay,  a psychologist at the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts has spent the last 35 years studying the use of profanities.  He states, “It allows us to vent or express anger, joy, surprise, happiness, grief.     .     .It’s like the horn on your car, you can do a lot of things with that, it’s built into you.     .     .     .”

Maybe all of those years ago.       .       .

without the studies and the research.     .      .

my sweet, hospice patient was right that day.         .        .

After I prayed with her that afternoon,

her blue eyes twinkled with a sly secret

that couldn’t quite hold the surprise any longer

as she reached up and touched the side of my face and said,

“You’re such a nice  f*cking man.      .      .

we laughed for the

b e n e d i c t i o n

and honestly.      .     .

f e l t   better

NOT Lives Touched

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I became a part-time-on-call-Chaplain at Fairview Hospital in 1988

The hours were from 5 p.m. to 8:00 a.m. five or six days a month,

and it was usually Emergency Room cases

that had me rolling out of my warm bed

on cold winter nights to attend to those crises.     .     .

It was those catastrophes

that involved car accidents,

shootings,

heart attacks,

still births,

suicides

and some natural caused deaths.      .      .

I met and cared for many more family members

than I ever did patients in those settings and they taught be

the most important,

the most sacred,

the most intimate,

the most significant,

the most heart-wrenching,

the most profane

the most consecrated,

the most hallowed lesson

I’ve learned in all my 61  years

and had affirmed and validated countless times over since:

IT   IS   NOT   THE   LIVES 

YOU    TOUCH    THAT    MATTERS.           .           .

SO     MUCH     AS     THE

L             I             V             E             S

T   O  U  C  H  E  D

BECAUSE     OF     THOSE     YOU     FIRST     HAVE     TOUCHED !

It’s a lesson

I’ve learned

re-learned

continuing to learn

and never fully

comprehend

or 

understand.          .          .

and hopefully never will–

even with the very next life I touch

to continue the never-ending

wave.          .          .

Go ahead.           .            .

T    O    U    C    H         A         L  I  F  E

Create a Ripple–

try seeing where it ends.           .            .  

or better still.     .     .

what it starts in yet another person

Professional Speaker, Author, Assurance Man