Have you ever lost your heart. . . ?
Loaded question, huh?
Well?
What makes it such a touch question
is just trying to figure out
is that a
Physical
Emotional
Psycho-Social
Spiritual
L I T E R A L Question. . .
Ohhhhhhhh how you should know by
NOW
and all nearly some 800 Blog Posts later
that I’m a Sucker for the Sap Movies
and this one,
LAST CHRISTMAS
is maybe the sappiest of all
and it’s leaked a glue over me
that I can’t wash away
(and most likely don’t want to, anyway)
Nothing seems to go right for young Kate, a frustrated Londoner who works as an elf in a year-round Christmas shop. But things soon take a turn for the better when she meets Tom — a handsome charmer who seems too good to be true. As the city transforms into the most wonderful time of the year, Tom and Kate’s growing attraction turns into the best gift of all — a Yuletide romance. . .
Sa-Sa-Saaaaaa-SAPPY, right?
ba-ba-baaa-but
it made me think
IT MADE ME FEEL
the times I’ve lost my
h e a r t
Uhhhhhhh not so much
physically
emotionally
psycho-socially
spiritually
so much as
uh-ohh. . .
dare I write:
metaphysically. . .
and I guess I’m inviting you
to ask
to reflect
a time(S)
you’ve actually lost your heart. . . ?
Can I help answer?
Are you the same you were
10
20
30+
years ago?
What changed from the time you were an infant
to the time you became a toddler
to the time you became a preschooler
to the time you were in elementary school
to the time you were in junior high
to the time you were graduating high school
to the times of different jobs
to the the times of continuing education
to the times of getting married
to the times of having children
to
N O W
. . .just how many,
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU LOST YOUR HEART
and maybe better still. . .
FOUND IT?
Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
Here’s to all of the times to come
and all the Seasons
that’ll allow
the prompting of the question:
WHO AM I?
(MAY THE ANSWER CONTINUALLY BE DIFFERENT
as it has countless times before)
A HIT

Crazy what you sometimes dream when you’re actually sleeping. . .
and then it drives you even crazier when you try to figure out
JUST WHY DID I DREAM THAT?
. . .I blame it on a local sports talk radio station
that had a Twitter Tuesday question of
WHO HAS THE WORST OFFENSE:
THE INDIANS
THE BROWNS
THE CAVS
and it was an overwhelming landslide vote of
THE CLEVELAND INDIANS
who currently seem to have great pitching but horrible
h i t t i n g. . .
THE DREAM
was I was actually playing for them
CENTER FIELD
and it took me back to one of my worst
little league moments ever. . .
We were playing our local rivals and my grandfather, who loved baseball and taught me a lot of what I knew about it;
bought me my first glove, ball and bat
and actually took me to the backyard
and showed me how to use them;
to catch
to throw
to hit
and. . .well,
playing catch in the backyard isn’t the same as playing
Centerfield in a live game. . .
A N Y W A Y
I was in Centerfield for the Tribe
and a ball came sizzling my way
and before I could blink
it was way, way past me
(JUST LIKE THE REAL LIFE LITTLE LEAGUE GAME)
and before I could react
(JUST LIKE THE REAL LIFE LITTLE LEAGUE GAME)
I felt all of the embarrassment of
THAT MOMENT
magnified with all of the other embarrassments
over some 55 years
surging through me
AND THE PLAY WAS LIKE ON A REPLAY LOOP
it just kept being played over and over and over again
until I woke up
W H E W
(love the promise of a new day)
but the Dream hung with me
until I spilled it out here. . .
I remember that was the end of my days as an outfielder;
they moved me to third base
and I was like a vacuum cleaner
. . .in fact they nicknamed me
HOOVER
. . .I sucked everything up that came my way
and even did decent job at the plate
batting third in the line up
u n t i l
I took back to back shots to the head
and that pretty much ended my baseball career

I went from HOOVER
to
“Good field. No hit Chuck”
When I was growing up it was the way to describe a baseball player who was good defensively but terrible with the bat. . .
and it came to me when I flinched at every pitch that sizzled my way;
S O. . .
not an outfielder
not a pitcher
no way a catcher
but a decent fielder
(long before the designated hitter was even imagined)
It was done
NO MORE DREAMS OF BEING A MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL PLAYER
(the dream literally became a nightmare that I had the other night)
and I wholeheartedly put all of my efforts into basketball
. . .little did I know that would somewhat be the metaphor for the way I approached things the rest of my life:
try your best at something
from every position necessary
and when the path dead ends
LOOK
to where you may want to start
A NEW PATH

THERE IS ALWAYS A NEXT STEP
to take
and sometimes the
BEST ROAD
is not the one that
IS
or
WAS
but the One
you have to create. . .
Maybe we are being given that challenge
right now
as we all cope with
the next normal
provided by this
terrible pandemic
the political unrest
the violent and deadly protests
the natural disasters. . .
Let’s all start asking ourselves
and all whose lives we touch and impact
to realize we CAN see things differently. . .
do things differently. . .
succeed differently

WE ARE NOT AT SOME SEEMINGLY DEAD END
. . .we are at the
BEGINNING
of something we can create and better still
CO-CREATE
with others
. . .and maybe
just maybe this time when I come up to bat
it won’t be so much about getting a hit
as
BEING A HIT

YOU’RE UP
(it’s not the time to take your ball and head home)
SUBTITLES
Some Coffee Commercial, huh. . . ?
When I saw it this past week
somehow the first thought that came to my mind wasn’t,
“WOW, DO I WANT A CUP OF HOT COFFEE AT THIS VERY MOMENT!”
and then I researched it a little bit
AND THEN I RESEARCHED IT A LITTLE BIT MORE
and saw that it was Charlie Chaplin that actually made the speech
AND SAW THAT IT WAS CHARLIE CHAPLIN THAT ACTUALLY MADE THE SPEECH AS A CHARACTER THAT RESEMBLED HITLER
AND THEN I SAW THAT
“In “The Great Dictator”, Chaplin plays two identical characters – the Jewish Barber and Adenoid Hynkel. Hynkel is a stand-in for Hitler. At the end of the movie, the Barber has replaced Hynkel and delivers the speech we hear in the commercial. Therefore, it’s not Hynkel/Hitler delivering the speech, it’s the Barber. Of course, the speech is really Chaplin’s plea for understanding.”

Sometimes
IT IS WAY MORE THAN JUST
PERSPECTIVE
Sometimes
IT IS WAY MORE THAN JUST
HOW YOU SEE THINGS
Sometimes
IT IS JUST THE WAY
IT IS
(and that may be the toughest way of all to see things)

Without a doubt
. . .our life doesn’t come
with instructions
(BUT IT DOES HAVE INSTRUCTORS)
or subtitles. . .
at best
the seemingly non-existent subtitles
are ones you can’t read
or are in a foreign language
or much like life
feels like
. . .comes at you upside down

When all we really want to do is read
as we are read
We all want to help one another, human beings are like that. We all want to live by each other’s happiness, not by each other’s misery. We don’t want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone and the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You the people have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give you the future and old age and security. Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, to do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness. Let us all unite!
KNOW
as we are
KNOWN
. . .but that just might be too much to ask for
BUT NEVER
TOO MUCH TO
KEEP ATTEMPTING
. . .rub your eyes again
b l i n k
LOOK
SEE
JOIN ME
(no subtitles necessary)
The Sandbox

C O M P A S S I O N
never leaves with clean hands. . .
and the only time
OUT OF THE BOX
isn’t so great
is when it’s a
s a n d b o x
. . .just how much sand
is still in your sandbox
or has it all
l i t e r a l l y
been thrown away. . . ?

THE WORLD
is upside down
and off its axis
seemingly with no hope of
r i g h t i n g
itself
everyone seems to be grabbing for anything
that even remotely looks like
T H E I R S
(especially opinions)

JUST WEARING A MASK
(or not)
will get you labeled
and that’ll negate you
in blink-of-the-eye-quickness. . .
CASE IN POINT:
(from two acquaintances in a Facebook Discussion)
(ROB WROTE):
This shouldn’t be a political post, but offending people appears almost as easy as blinking these days and seems to happen with a near similar frequency.
Today I met with my neurologist via zoom. We discussed the current condition of my health and the reality that heat is a destructive force in my life. Overheating complicates my already fragile central nervous system and causes frequent pseudo exacerbations and tailspins that are difficult to describe. I won’t bore you with the details, but the Dr. told me that I can’t risk going out and being near people who aren’t wearing masks in these ongoing days of Covid. If I were to get a fever, it would be “very, very bad” for me, let’s just leave it at that.
Now I don’t know each of your views pertaining to mask wearing and, honestly, I marvel at its political ties, though I know that I shouldn’t be surprised. I’m just trying to send a reminder that some of us aren’t in a position to ponder the political angles, we are just trying to keep our heads above water and would like to not be permanently confined to our homes, where it sometimes ironically seems that we might drown for lack of oxygen.
I encourage you to think of adorning a mask as if it were an empathy enhancer, regardless of any other benefits it may or may not have.
Stay healthy, friends. One day we will hug again
(WENDY REPLIED):
I think what is interesting about this conversation is that your highly trained doctor says to wear one, but my highly trained doctor says not too. It is what makes this part of the mask conversation so hard. I too, am considered extremely immune compromised but my doctor does not believe they protect us and in fact believes they are harming us more and providing an environment for more virus to grow. I work as an essential employee, have not been sick, wear mask in limited capacity and have stayed healthy. Many doctors believe that this is why we are seeing virus transmission go up in areas that are mandating it. Also on the flip side of this, my mother, who is asthmatic and my uncle who has COPD, cant wear them without getting deathly sick. It is a unique conversation to each individual, their unique situation and their health care providers feelings on it. It should not be mandated by any government entity for that reason. I respect what your doctor is telling you for you, but it can’t be something that is mandated for everyone. We do not know each person’s unique situation which why judgement to wear or not wear should be something we as individuals should not be passing and should be an individuals decision to do or not to do based on these specific factors. What could save your life, might take my mom’s life. This is a very real thing we need to see in the true light for what it is. It does mean that many people like you can’t be out in the general population right now, but it should not mean everyone has to wear a mask because of that. If you wear one and stay socially distant, you will stay safe. I am sorry that the health factors make life more difficult for you during this time
(ROB REPLIED)
Wendy – Thanks for a thoughtful reply. I am of the opinion that some of your examples are the exception to the rule, but none the less, thanks for addressing the argument rather than attacking the individual. Tip of the cap to you.
Playing in the sandbox without getting
G R I T T Y
is not just possible or plausible
but actually
providential

Sand in the box
is never the problem
It’s always the sand
the seemingly unremovable sand
on the hands
between the toes
in the shorts
in the eyes
that causes the
not-so-nice-play
in the sandbox
GRIT
has its place(S)
but purposely
recklessly
deliberately
in the eyes
is never one of them
Sand in the box
is never the problem
as much as
s a n d
out of the box

We are way past the time
of playing nice
. . .it’s now time
to just
BE NICE
(ALWAYS)
(ALL-WAYS)

EXTREME VERKLEMPTNESS
The COVID-19 Pandemic
has brought many different changes
to the entire world
and out of all of the signs and symptoms
that have been identified in actually having this dreaded virus
I’m not so sure that
EXTREME VERKLEMPTNESS
isn’t one of the
unidentified
unspoken
o n e s. . .

On July 12, Kelly Preston
the Co-star in
FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME
died
after a courageous two year battle of breast cancer. . .
In 1999 she joined Kevin Costner
in making this movie
. . .NO, NO,
it wasn’t up for any awards or honors
and it might have long been forgotten by this time
if she hadn’t recently died and it started being shown again on
HBO and other cable outlets
to honor her;
the premise of the film
is kind of flimsy
in that Kevin Costner’s character of
Billy Chapel
a so-so pitcher
throws the game of his life,
A No-Hitter
against the famed Yankees
fulfilling his
FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME
legacy
and what should have been the greatest night of his life
w a s n ‘ t
because he painfully discovered
it wasn’t a
game
therapy
intervention
pharmaceutical
scientific discovery
medical advancement
B U T
RELATIONSHIPS THAT HEAL US
. . .hence,
EXTREME VERKLEMPTNESS
which begs the
simple
somewhat evasive question of the Soul:
What’s a celebration with no one to share it?
Well. . . ?
What puts the tear in your eye
and more,
WHO HELPS DRY IT?
NORMALOCITY

W O W
Socrates said this around 390 B.C.
WHEN EVERYTHING WAS
N O R M A L
r i g h t. . . ?
N O R M A L
it’s an all day sucker with no taste
it’s a continent that doesn’t exist
it’s a language that can’t be spoken and never understood
it’s a day that never existed and can never be replicated
it’s a sun but never shines
it’s a holiday that’s never celebrated
it’s a now without a before or then
it’s a butterfly in Antarctica
it’s a pig driving a tractor
it’s a prisoner granting clemency to a judge
it’s and orangutan singing an aria
it’s a fortune with no value
it’s a nonexistent universal cure
it’s what you and every other individual personally and intimately says it is
it’s a dog who reads books by sleeping on them

N O R M A L O C I T Y
Not a city
Not a state
Not a country
Not a continent
Not GPSable
Because it’s often misthought
That it’s derived from
n o r m a l
A devastating
misunderstood
misused
stupid
dangerous
Word
Nitroglycerin On a Roller Coaster
That never found its tracks
Being Human
Human actually Being
Is hard
Really Hard
Which makes us feel
Like Chinese algebra
An equation
Which doesn’t equate
The piece of the puzzle
That never made it into the box
n o r m a l o c I i t y
coming to you at the speed of light
from an unknown source
that’s as real as your first breath
More uncertain than
Your last one

. . .and yet it’s this
N o R m A l
we seek
we yearn to
O W N
driven on by this sense of
awe
adventure
apprehension
knowing

Maybe the only thing that’s truly normal
is that nothing is normal
. . .it’s neither old or new
or anything we imagine in-between
. . .PANDEMICS
will make us wonder about such things as we question

Normal, right?
As normal as a masked man
waiting for you to read his lips

As Normal as a Pine Tree
growing out of a Pine Tree

Or dying from within a living one
reaching for the sky and some unknown limit

NORMALOCITY
a place that doesn’t exist
we continue to abide. . .
BEMOANERS

Let’s face it,
We don’t Bemoan
We don’t Lament
We don’t Rue
. . .We REGRET
A LOT
and any time we have a close call
or spend a few months in a
FIRST TIME DEBILITATING PANDEMIC
we begin to do a lot of things that often
whittle down to some good
honest to God
honest to Self
figuring out
life review
which is one of the biggest reasons
WE REGRET

There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is ‘I wish I hadn’t worked so hard’.
Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

I am always cautious to never minimize
or worse
take away someone’s regrets
(they are theirs and even somewhat sacred)
or worse to
“There, There, There,”
them away
but I always like balancing them out a little bit with:
WHAT ARE YOU MOST PROUD?
WHAT ARE YOUR BEST ACCOMPLISHMENTS?
WHAT PAGE OF YOUR BOOK WOULD YOU NEVER TEAR OUT?
WHAT MOMENTS ARE YOU GLAD YOU DUPLICATED?
WHAT BAD THING TURNED OUT TO BE A REALLY GOOD THING?

w h i c h
leads us to
maybe the most important question now
on this Wednesday, July 29 moment:
What’s your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?
Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
N O W
is the time
forever keeping it from being a
r e g r e t
A surefire
BEMOAN BEGON
e l i x i r
. . .I’ll take a double-shot;
JOIN ME
WISHLESSNESS

W I S H L E S S N E S S
is a Buddhist term
that kind of means
Y O U
don’t have to have something in front of you
to run after
IT’S ALEADY HERE
. . .Just walk your Path

Which took me down the tracks
t o:
The Carrot doesn’t need to be dangled
The Road doesn’t need to be traveled
The Gold doesn’t need to be mined
The Silver doesn’t need to be refined
The Prize doesn’t need to be won
The Treasure doesn’t need to be unearthed
Enter into the rarely journeyed
newly undiscovered World of
Wishlessness
to experience the uncharted
n o w
and find it’s not just an Everything
but an ALL
that needs no
replacing
enhancing

Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
r u n
t o
t h a t
and know

The LISTENING Cure

DO YOU. . .
Do you
LOVE ENOUGH
to Listen. . . ?
Maybe what the world needs more of
RIGHT NOW
are not

an abundance of Loving Hearts
but
HEARING EARS. . .
How Deep Listening Can Make You More Compassionately Persuasive
. . .any need for THAT?
You’re more likely to change an opponent’s mind when you ask questions, listen sincerely, and tell stories. . .
sound too easy
or can we truly
GET ALONG
in a more simple,
less complicated way. . . ?
Well, EDWARD LEMPINEN, a journalist shares with us THAT KIND of
H O P E
Our nation is locked in a state of polarization unprecedented in the past half-century, with deep, volatile divisions around issues of politics, race, religion, and the environment and yes, COVID-19. These issues can and have split families, break friendships, and create enormous stress in communities—and yet, having a constructive discussion about the disagreements often seems impossible and HEARING, well, no pun intended, IT IS UNHEARD OF. . .
If you’re trying to persuade someone on the other side of that chasm, UC Berkeley political scientist David Broockman says that, chances are, you’re going about it the wrong way. In a series of studies over the past five years, he has found insights that contradict much of what we think we know about engaging those who disagree with us.
When it comes to changing someone’s feelings about issues, he says, data are less compelling than human stories. Listening is more powerful than just talking. Accepting the other person, even if their ideas feel offensive, may open the door to constructive dialogue.
“It’s really hard to change people’s minds,” Broockman said in a recent interview. “When we talk about persuasion, we talk so much about how to make the most effective arguments, the most effective talking points. But we don’t talk so much about how to be a good listener, or about how to make people comfortable in talking to you and hearing from you.”
The ideas are counterintuitive. But the studies done by Broockman and Joshua Kalla, a former Berkeley Ph.D. student now on the faculty at Yale University, are backed by data collected in extensive fieldwork, and they’ve won attention for bringing new understanding to the art and science of political persuasion, where traditional tools don’t seem to work.
Their key work has focused on transgender rights and on immigration, two flashpoints in the nation’s culture wars, and they could be valuable across a range of our most rancorous debates, from racial justice to climate change and the November election. While their findings are not a cure-all—far from it, Broockman says—they could offer a path to reduced tension and improved dialogue for a sorely divided nation.
Inspired by painful personal experience
In some senses, the idea is not far from the “how to win friends” nostrums of Dale Carnegie in the mid 20th century, or from some schools of modern psychotherapy. But Broockman’s work rose from his experience as a young gay man growing up in Texas.
During his high school years, he attended a mock state government program with other students, many of them conservative, and found a climate of what he called “super-rampant homophobia.” In the same period, Texas voters approved a ban on same-sex marriage.
“I was a white, upper-middle-class kid who could have had every privilege in the world,” he recalled. “And then, all of a sudden, I realized there’s this big asterisk on that. It’s of course not the same as if I were a person of color, but it did give me insight into what it’s like to be on the wrong end of an important power relationship.”
From that experience rose his interest in political engagement—and in trying to understand people’s attitudes.
He earned his bachelor’s degree from Yale University in 2011, and his Ph.D. from Berkeley in 2015. After four years on the faculty at Stanford University, he returned to Berkeley this year as an associate professor. And while he has published widely on government, elections, and discrimination, persuasion has been a central focus.
Political campaigns are, of course, exercises in shaping opinion, and billions of dollars are spent on that goal. But a 2018 study by Broockman and Kalla shows that such campaigns are often an exercise in futility. After reviewing 49 published studies on political opinion and persuasion, they came to a stark conclusion: “The best estimate of the effects of campaign contact and advertising on Americans’ candidate choices in general elections is zero.”
In other words, persuasion by conventional means in most partisan political campaigns is very rare.
But studies published in 2016 and earlier this year show Broockman and Kalla exploring unconventional means, and it’s here that they broke new ground.
Human connection through “deep canvassing”
In a polarized climate, on issues of existential importance, it can be difficult even to hear opinions that contradict our own—on issues such as same-sex marriage, for example, or climate change, or Joe Biden vs. Donald Trump. It seems offensive that someone doesn’t see the world as we do, and there’s a tendency to correct them, to tell them they’re not just wrong, but deplorable.
Expressing such frustration may provide emotional relief, but it’s not likely to persuade. In fact, it can make people harden their existing views.
For a 2016 study published in Science, Broockman and Kalla worked with the Los Angeles LGBT Center and SAVE, a South Florida LGBT organization, on a field assessment of voter attitudes toward a new Miami-area law protecting transgender people. One group of door-to-door canvassers, a control group, said nothing to residents about transphobia.
But another group engaged in “deep canvassing,” a process based on asking sensitive questions, listening to the answers with sincere interest, and then asking more questions. If residents expressed bias toward transgender people, the canvasser might ask them to recall a time when they were treated unfairly for being different and what that felt like.
The outcome? “These conversations substantially reduced transphobia, with decreases greater than Americans’ average decrease in homophobia from 1998 to 2012,” the research found. In effect, about 10% of the deep canvassing respondents shifted toward a more sympathetic view of transgender rights, with effects lasting for at least three months.
A second study, published this year, confirmed the 2016 research on transgender rights and showed that this two-way exchange was key to a conversation’s effectiveness. The study also added additional fieldwork on undocumented immigrants—and, again, the deep canvassing had a substantial effect, even though it was conducted during the heat of the 2018 U.S. Congressional election.
Among residents who were not asked about immigration, 29% supported pro-immigrant policies. But for those who were engaged in the reflection and storytelling of deep canvassing, the number rose to 33%; respondents were far more likely to say, for example, that undocumented immigrants should receive legal support and should not have to live in fear of deportation. Again, the impact was durable, lasting three months or more.
“I think, in today’s world, many communities have a call-out culture,” Broockman told Vox. “Twitter is obviously full of the notion that what we should do is condemn those who disagree with us. What we can now say, experimentally, (is that) the key to the success of these conversations is doing the exact opposite of that.”
When people get defensive, they resist
Why does deep canvassing work? Broockman offered a possible explanation.
Political and cultural opinions, including biases, are so deeply ingrained that they are part of our core identities. People almost universally want to do the right thing, and they want to be associated with groups that do the right thing. When that rightness is challenged, it’s a threat to their core identity.
“People don’t like to be told they’re wrong,” he explained. “So when people hear something that contrasts with their self-image, they immediately start generating counterarguments.”
Deep canvassing short-circuits that dynamic. Instead of presenting facts and data, or value judgments, he said, “you ask questions, dig in, make it a kind of collaborative dialogue where you’re genuinely open-minded. And then you might find that the other person is more able to be open-minded.”
That’s where sharing stories becomes important. “People want to listen to stories,” Broockman continued. “They kind of suspend their disbelief. They say, ‘Alright, I’m hearing a story, I want to get into it. I’m not going to treat this like an argument where I need to counterpunch. This is just someone sharing their authentic experience with me. And then, I’m going to kind of reach my own conclusions.’”
Because bias toward LGBTQ people or other groups can be deeply rooted in identity, this more compassionate approach to persuasion reduces the sense of threat. “Actually changing attitudes is going to require an approach that’s not just based on statistics or arguments,” Broockman said, “but on stories that humanize those groups.”
An expanding sense of possibility
Even with deep canvassing, shifting opinions is difficult. Race-based prejudice is freighted with a long, shameful history, and Broockman predicts that will be especially resistant to change.
Still, he’s hopeful. In his research on immigration, deep canvassing produced a gain of four percentage points—that’s not much, but in a close election, four points can turn defeat to victory. He also sees possible applications for this approach across a range of issues and elections.
Broockman made another observation about conducting the research—one that was informal, but essential: Deep canvassing also opened canvassers’ minds to substantive conversations about difficult issues with those who disagreed with them. Just as the vast majority of voters willingly had such conversations, canvassers trained in the technique were eager to keep having them, too.
That appetite on both sides can create the conditions for change. And it suggests that individuals, too, can use principles of deep canvassing to engage with family and friends trying to build a bridge across the divide.
“We live in an age of righteous indignation toward those who disagree with us,” Broockman said. “It’s on all sides, in so many current social debates. . . . But a lot of that can get tempered when you actually meet and engage with the people who disagree with you. It’s work, and it can be difficult. But what we gain from that, in addition to advocating for our causes, is realizing that we might have more in common than we think.”
Can it be this simple:
L I S T E N I N G
spells

And that a
S P E L L
that needs cast upon us
A L L

NOT so Random Acts

ALL-WAYS
r e a c h
for the hands
that need
c l a s p i n g
Not So Random Acts:
Science Finds That Being Kind Pays Off
This past Fourth of July weekend, I read an article from the New York Times that tell us, Acts of kindness may not be that random after all. Science says being kind pays off. . .
And my first thought was,
“SERIOUSLY, DO WE NEED THIS RESEARCHED OUT TO FIND OUT IF IT’S TRUE; THAT IT’S REAL. . . ?”
Research shows that acts of kindness make us feel better and healthier. Kindness is also key to how we evolved and survived as a species, scientists say. We are hard-wired to be kind.
Kindness “is as bred in our bones as our anger or our lust or our grief or as our desire for revenge,” said University of California San Diego psychologist Michael McCullough, author of the forthcoming book “Kindness of Strangers.” It’s also, he said, “the main feature we take for granted.”
Scientific research is booming into human kindness and what scientists have found so far speaks well of us; especially during this pandemic time.
“Kindness is much older than religion. It does seem to be universal,” said University of Oxford anthropologist Oliver Curry, research director at Kindlab. “The basic reason why people are kind is that we are social animals.”

We prize kindness over any other value. When psychologists lumped values into ten categories and asked people what was more important, benevolence or kindness, comes out on top, beating hedonism, having an exciting life, creativity, ambition, tradition, security, obedience, seeking social justice and seeking power, said University of London psychologist Anat Bardi, who studies value systems.
“We’re kind because under the right circumstances we all benefit from kindness,” Oxford’s Curry said.
When it comes to a species’ survival “kindness pays, friendliness pays,” said Duke University evolutionary anthropologist Brian Hare, author of the new book “Survival of the Friendliest.”
Kindness and cooperation work for many species, whether it’s bacteria, flowers or our fellow primate bonobos. The more friends you have, the more individuals you help, the more successful you are, Hare said.
For example, Hare, who studies bonobos and other primates, compares aggressive chimpanzees, which attack outsiders, to bonobos where the animals don’t kill but help out strangers. Male bonobos are far more successful at mating than their male chimp counterparts, Hare said.
McCullough sees bonobos as more the exceptions. Most animals aren’t kind or helpful to strangers, just close relatives so in that way it is one of the traits that separate us from other species, he said. And that, he said, is because of the human ability to reason.

Humans realize that there’s not much difference between our close relatives and strangers and that someday strangers can help us if we are kind to them, McCullough said.
Reasoning “is the secret ingredient, which is why we donate blood when there are disasters” and why most industrialized nations spend at least 20% of their money on social programs, such as housing and education, McCullough said.
Duke’s Hare also points to mama bears to understand the evolution and biology of kindness and its aggressive nasty flip side. He said studies point to certain areas of the brain, the medial prefrontal cortex, temporal parietal junction and other spots as either activated or dampened by emotional activity. The same places give us the ability to nurture and love, but also dehumanize and exclude, he said.
When mother bears are feeding and nurturing their cubs, these areas in the brain are activated and it allows them to be generous and loving, Hare said. But if someone comes near the mother bear at that time, it sets of the brain’s threat mechanisms in the same places. The same bear becomes its most aggressive and dangerous.
Hare said he sees this in humans. Some of the same people who are generous to family and close friends, when they feel threatened by outsiders become angrier. He points to the current polarization of the world.
“More isolated groups are more likely to be feel threatened by others and they are more likely to morally exclude, dehumanize,” Hare said. “And that opens the door to cruelty.”
But overall our bodies aren’t just programmed to be nice, they reward us for being kind, scientists said.
“Doing kindness makes you happier and being happier makes you do kind acts,” said labor economist Richard Layard, who studies happiness at the London School of Economics and wrote the new book “Can We Be Happier?”
University of California Riverside psychology professor Sonja Lyubomirsky has put that concept to the test in numerous experiments over 20 years and repeatedly found that people feel better when they are kind to others, even more than when they are kind to themselves.
“Acts of kindness are very powerful,” Lyubomirsky said.
In one experiment, she asked subjects to do an extra three acts of kindness for other people a week and asked a different group to do three acts of self-kindness. They could be small, like opening a door for someone, or big. But the people who were kind to others became happier and felt more connected to the world.
The same occurred with money, using it to help others versus helping yourself. Lyubomirsky said she thinks it is because people spend too much time thinking and worrying about themselves and when they think of others while doing acts of kindness, it redirects them away from their own problems.
Oxford’s Curry analyzed peer-reviewed research like Lyubomirsky’s and found at least 27 studies showing the same thing: Being kind makes people feel better emotionally.
But it’s not just emotional. It’s physical.
Lyubomirsky said a study of people with multiple sclerosis and found they felt better physically when helping others. She also found that in people doing more acts of kindness that the genes that trigger inflammation were turned down more than in people who don’t.
And she said in upcoming studies, she’s found more antiviral genes in people who performed acts of kindness.

- « Previous Page
- 1
- …
- 55
- 56
- 57
- 58
- 59
- …
- 91
- Next Page »