JUST FOR THE RECORD
Dale A. Lombardi
When I’ve reached that certain age
and you wonder about my mental fitness . . .
Don’t ask me
who's President
or what year it is
or even what month
Ask me
what finches are drawn
to the thistle feeder
or what color the fire
when the hardenbergia blooms
in March
or how Willie-dog
spent his final hours
lying in the cool morning grass,
face tipped toward heaven
to receive the last of this earth’s sunshine
as a final blessing
Don’t ask me
to count backwards
by sevens
or to draw you a clock
or to tell you the time
Ask me
to tell you
when time stood still
or if I want more time
or how time passed so quickly
Don’t ask me
to take a deep breath
or to breathe normally
Ask me
what took my breath away
or when I knew beauty
so clear and pure and true
I couldn’t catch my breath
Don’t ask
to listen to my heart
Put your stethoscope away
and listen to what set my heart
on fire, what frayed
its very edges, or when pride and awe and love
nearly broke my heart
open
Ask me
What really matters
Was it all worthwhile
Who I’ve loved
and how
Ask
What binds us to all eternity
What’s at the very center
when all else is peeled away,
What will last—really last—
not anger or grief,
but music and art and poetry
and trees
Ask me
if I have hope,
not for myself
but for the world
And if I don’t answer . . .
Set down your hurry
Bring me a slice of calm
with some tea
Then pull your chair close,
take the pale wither
of my hand in yours,
and just sit, sit
with me
awhile
(text as posted at this link)
Maybe it’s not so much for what we reach for as what stretches out for us; sometimes that’s a hand, sometimes it’s an idea, a thought, a story, a poem, but it’s undeniable when it makes contact and causes not even ever so slightly to move us ever so powerfully.
Recently, the adage “Money can’t buy happiness” was given a leg to stand on by a study suggesting a raise won’t have a real impact on your state of mind. But a different study claims that in regard to your income, there is totally a financial sweet spot for optimal satisfaction.
The expansive study, published in the journal, Nature Human Behaviour, used a Gallup World Poll to evaluate the income and happiness of 1.7 million people around the world. The authors of the research found monetary averages associated with satisfaction: For daily emotional well-being, people were generally best off earning $60,000 to $75,000 a year, but for long-term satisfaction, the mark was $95,000.
In North America (and most “wealthy” countries), for daily emotional well-being, the sweet spot is an annual income of $65,000 to $95,000, and for long-term satisfaction that number is $105,000.
Those numbers are the worldwide average, however; the averages vary from country to country, and in North America (and most “wealthy” countries) they are higher. For daily emotional well-being, the sweet spot here is $65,000 to $95,000, and for long-term satisfaction that number is $105,000. The area with the lowest income marker for long-term satisfaction is Latin America, at $35,000, and Australia and New Zealand report the highest, at $125,000.
People were likely to see decreased happiness if they achieved more than the optimal income for long-term satisfaction, partially due to a phenomenon Money described as the “hedonic treadmill,” in which people adjust to increases in income.
But happiness does peak at a certain point, according to the researchers. If people achieved more than the optimal income for long-term satisfaction, they were likely to see decreased happiness, partially due to a phenomenon Money described as the “hedonic treadmill.” This describes when people very quickly adjust to increases in income.
Still, the study has its shortcomings: Gauging and measuring happiness is a subjective practice that often relies on self-reporting. Additionally, the study examined individual income instead of household income, which might have skewed conclusions about how much money someone needs in order to be happy. Not to mention that the concept of happiness itself is contentious, and many nations don’t place as much weight on it as Americans do.
“If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music.”
-Albert Einstein
“Any fool can know. The point is to understand.” — A. Einstein (1879 – 1955)Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly.— Einstein’s words in a letter to the professor emeritus of philosophy, Morris Raphael Cohen, supporting Bertrand Russell’s candidacy as a teacher, ca. 1940. When’s the last time you go a good dose of Albert? I’ve got to be honest with you, he lost me, BURIED ME with the E=mc2/relativity stuffs; BUT. . .Well. . .
“I didn’t arrive at my understanding of the fundamental laws of the universe through my rational mind.”
“Concerning matter, we have been all wrong. What we have called matter is energy, whose vibration has been so lowered as to be perceptible to the senses. Matter is spirit reduced to point of visibility. There is no matter.”
“Time and space are not conditions in which we live, but modes by which we think. Physical concepts are free creations of the human mind, and are not, however it may seem, determined by the external world.”
“Time does not exist – we invented it. Time is what the clock says. The distinction between the past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.”
“I think 99 times and find nothing. I stop thinking, swim in silence, and the truth comes to me.”
“The intellect has little to do on the road to discovery. There comes a leap in consciousness, call it intuition or what you will, the solution comes to you and you don’t know how or why.”
“A human being experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
“Our separation from each other is an optical illusion.”
“When something vibrates, the electrons of the entire universe resonate with it. Everything is connected. The greatest tragedy of human existence is the illusion of separateness.”
“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”
“We are souls dressed up in sacred biochemical garments and our bodies are the instruments through which our souls play their music.”
“When you examine the lives of the most influential people who have ever walked among us, you discover one thread that winds through them all. They have been aligned first with their spiritual nature and only then with their physical selves.”
“The true value of a human being can be found in the degree to which he has attained liberation from the self.”
“The ancients knew something, which we seem to have forgotten.”
“The more I learn of physics, the more I am drawn to metaphysics.”
“One thing I have learned in a long life: that all our science, measured against reality, is primitive and childlike. We still do not know one thousandth of one percent of what nature has revealed to us. It is entirely possible that behind the perception of our senses, worlds are hidden of which we are unaware.”
“I’m not an atheist. The problem involved is too vast for our limited minds. We are in the position of a little child entering a huge library filled with books in many languages. The child knows someone must have written those books.”
“The common idea that I am an atheist is based on a big mistake. Anyone who interprets my scientific theories this way, did not understand them.”
“Everything is determined, every beginning and ending, by forces over which we have no control. It is determined for the insect, as well as for the star. Human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.”
“The religion of the future will be a cosmic religion. It will transcend a personal God and avoid dogma and theology.”
“Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another.”
“Everything is energy and that is all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you can not help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.”
“I am happy because I want nothing from anyone. I do not care about money. Decorations, titles or distinctions mean nothing to me. I do not crave praise. I claim credit for nothing. A happy man is too satisfied with the present to dwell too much on the future.”
I GOT ALBERT’D
and now
m a y b e
you just got Albert’d, too
It’s kind of amazing isn’t it. . .
It’s Valentine’s Day week,
Which means it’s a great day for people who really love each other
but not so great day for people that are grieving
or folks who have lost
or others who are alone. . .
Wonder if it
WASN’T
about that kind of love
Wonder if Valentine’s Day
was actually a gift that you give to somebody,
that includes Everybody
no matter
race
creed
religion
sex
no matter alone
no matter grieving
no matter sad or happy
What if it was a day that you just loved just to love
and maybe even better
Wonder if it was just a day to love
the way a person deserves to be loved
now that would be quite a day
we’re celebrating, right
and guess what
. . .not just on February 14
How about let’s make it that kind of a day
not only on Wednesday
but each day
how about
T O D A Y
before the 14th of February (or the 14th of any other month) S E E. . .
When Valentine’s Day is more than just a day
it has the greatest opportunity to become a l i f e s t y l e
Uhhhhhhhhhhh no caption necessary, huh?
In fact, depending who you are, it’s going to cause a huge knee jerk reactions
EVEN Vegas is in on this and will be cashing out this Sunday for the Super Bowl on how many times the camera will be focusing in on Taylor Swift, GOOD/BAD and mostly all of the in-betweens
SO. . .before you quickly click out of this post, (IF YOU EVEN MADE IT THIS FAR) would be humor me, hmmm, and Taylor just a little longer with the following:
I’ve gotten increasingly disappointed watching talented, strong women get degraded in the media. Let’s create a culture of praise by saluting both …women and men …who have amazing accomplishments and stand up for human rights.
See the facts as well captured by Author: Megan K Hall
—————————————————-
Below is a remark about how social media sways public opinion and how the patriarchy is still alive and well in American society today.
——————————————————— If you’re not listening to Taylor, you cannot objectively claim a lack of talent. You cannot objectively claim she’s overrated. And you definitely cannot claim to not like her “genre” (unless you listen solely to like death metal or trap).
Taylor has recorded 10 studio albums in 17 years! She has fluidly moved between country, pop, rock, synth, hip hop, folk, alternative, and indie genres.
She has written or co-written 243 songs, some in collaboration with or even for such names like: Little Big Town, Miley ray Cyrus, Sugarland, The Civil Wars, & Andrew Lloyd Webber.
In her 200 million records sold, Taylor has won 324 awards, including 12 Grammys, 23 MTV Video Music Awards, 40 American Music Awards, 40 Billboard Music Awards, 12 Country Music Awards, and an Emmy.
She is the most-awarded artist of all times at the AMAs and BMAs, and she ties with Frank Sinatra, Stevie Wonder, & Paul Simon for most Album of the Year Grammys.
Swift was “the most streamed artist of 2023 on Spotify, Apple Music, and Amazon Music; the first act to place number one on the year-end Billboard top artists list in three different decades (2009, 2015 and 2023); and the first living artist to simultaneously chart five albums in the top 10 of the Billboard 200.”
Rolling Stone described Taylor as “a songwriting savant with an intuitive gift for verse-chorus-bridge architecture,” and scholars and critics have compared her to literary figures such as Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson, and John Keats, as well as to modern songwriters such as Bob Dylan & Paul McCartney.
Over 20 universities include a Taylor Swift course in their catalog, including Harvard, Mizzou, Berkeley, Stanford, and Brigham Young.
Taylor has acted in 5 movies, headlined 6 tours, & can play guitar & piano. She has developed, written, & directed several of her own music videos.
She has influenced the music business by revitalizing vinyl records, championing artists’ rights on streaming services, and changing the way label contracts are written. Her journey to take back her intellectual property by re-recording her first six albums is one of the best business and personal decisions any artist has made regarding rights.
She’s not just a talented performer and savvy businesswoman. She is also very human and fights for things she believes in. Taylor speaks up for the rights of women, LGBTQ, and artists.
She has donated millions to charitable relief and philanthropic efforts, as well as to the arts. She generously gave millions of her revenue in bonuses to her Eras Tour team.
She was sexually assaulted by a DJ in Colorado & reported it. The DJ was terminated & sued Taylor for $3 million in damages, so she counter-sued for a symbolic $1 & spent over 2 years in a legal battle that ended in a jury deciding in her favor. Since then, Taylor has been even more active in fighting for the rights for women to be heard.
She genuinely enjoys her fans and has fun leaving clues and hints in her music to keep her fans engaged and like they’re part of the story. She always seems sincerely delighted to be doing what she’s doing.
Her 17 years in the industry have proven her talent. It shows that she’s earned every fan she has and dollar she’s made. (And if you think she’s only country-pop, then you need to spend a day with Folklore or Evermore.)
If you have a negative reaction towards her as a person, it’s because our society still goes after successful women in a way that men avoid. The media turns on celebrities – especially women – who dare to do things like countersue a sexual assault case, speak against corrupt politicians, or not laugh at misogyny.
I will never apologize for being enchanted by this one. She is a poet, and she’s possibly the most self-aware artist I’ve ever heard speak.
A new study suggests that forgiving past transgressions could help us see people in a better light. . .
Jill Suttie, Psy.D., is Greater Good’s former book review editor and now serves as a staff writer and contributing editor for the magazine. She received her doctorate of psychology from the University of San Francisco in 1998 and was a psychologist in private practice before coming to Greater Good. Jill asserts that Forgiveness carries many benefits, according to research. Releasing feelings of resentment or vengeance makes us happier, improves our health, and sustains relationships, among other things. . .
Now, a new study suggests another potential gain from forgiving others: It may decrease our paranoia—something that could otherwise keep us locked into patterns of distrust and isolation.
In a series of experiments, researchers measured forgiveness and paranoia. In one, for example, participants completed a questionnaire measuring their tendency toward forgiving others that asked how much they agree with statements like, “I continue to punish a person who has done something I think is wrong”or “Although others have hurt me in the past, I have eventually been able to see them as good people.”
Three days later and ten days later, researchers asked participants to recall a pleasant and difficult social experience they’d had recently, and to rate how stressed and paranoid they felt after each experience. Difficult social experiences included things like not being invited to a friend’s party, being treated rudely by a store clerk, or fighting with a colleague about work issues. Ratings of paranoia came from asking people how much they agreed with statements like “Someone has it in for me” or “Someone would have harmed me if they could.”
After analyzing the results, the researchers found that all participants had higher levels of paranoia and stress for unpleasant events than for pleasant events—no surprise there. However, those who were more forgiving types experienced lower stress and paranoia in those difficult situations than people who were less forgiving.
“These findings add dispositional forgiveness to the range of psychological resources that buffer or attenuate paranoia,” write the authors.
Though the results imply a positive role for forgiveness, it’s hard to know whether more paranoid people are less forgiving or people reluctant to forgive become more paranoid. To get at this, the researchers performed another experiment in which they tried to encourage people to take on a more forgiving mindset.
Since there is no quick, easy way to do this—forgiving others can actually take a lot of effort and time—they used a proxy activity. Participants filled out a questionnaire created by the authors that supposedly measured their forgiveness tendencies, then were randomly told that they’d scored either above or below average on their willingness to forgive others who’d harmed them. After being asked to write an essay explaining why they scored the way they did, they filled out actual, scientifically validated forgiveness surveys, which indicated if they’d absorbed this view of themselves as more or less forgiving people.
Next, they were given the paranoia survey to see if being forgiving affected their scores. Those prompted to feel more forgiving scored lower on the paranoia survey than their less forgiving counterparts. This suggests that encouraging a forgiving mindset may help us avoid overreacting to harm from others.
“We conceptually replicated and extended [our] findings by demonstrating, for the first time, that forgiveness exerts a causal effect on (reduced) paranoia,”the researchers write.
Of course, it’s important that forgiveness not be coerced and that people who have harmed you aren’t simply “let off the hook.” Researchers often emphasize that forgiveness is more about personal well-being for the person who was harmed—and that doesn’t necessarily mean you need to reconcile with someone or preclude you from seeking justice.
So, if you are withholding forgiveness, it may mean you are also holding on to paranoia, making it difficult to trust others’ motivations in everyday life. If so, it could be useful to consider the work of forgiving others—not just for your own mental health, but to prevent you taking out your pain on other people.
People Who Cry During Movies Are The Strongest People Of All
I have to write this blog post
if for nothing else,
pure vindication. . .
During our entire life, we are being discouraged to freely express our emotions, and we are being told that crying is a sign of weakness and a reason for shame. Yet, crying is our body’s natural way to respond to strong pain, sadness, and joy. . .
G O O G L E A W A Y
Go ahead
. . .I’ll wait
There’s some real evidence based data here
Over time, we learn to swallow the tears and express ourselves in a more suitable manner. But some people seem to be unable to hold back their tears when at the cinema or in a theatre, and they are often considered to be emotionally weak.
I’m the biggest C R Y B A B Y there is listening to music watching movies sometimes reading or hearing a particularly sad story. . .
H o w e v e r. . . we are here to break these stereotypes, as these people are apparently much stronger than we believe. Namely, they are highly empathic and tend to identify with other people, trying to understand their feelings and motivations. . .
Pass the tissues. . . or a towel
Empathy is a crucial aspect of emotional intelligence, and this ability is prominent among great leaders and highly successful individuals. These people are mentally tough and know how to relate to others and share their pain, grief, or happiness. Moreover, they are more generous and sociable.
Nothing like finding stats to back you up affirm you, huh. . .
When we step into a character’s shoes and envision a different reality, we develop into more open-minded and understanding individuals, and we become increasingly compassionate in our interactions with others.
We’ve sweetened the deal a little. . .
Taken some of the saltiness out of the tears;
WE ARE NOT CRYBABIES
WE ARE
EMPATHS which only use to be chiefly in science fiction describing a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual
but
it’s really just the mere capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from their point of view. . .
It’s the capacity to put yourself in another’s shoes and actually walk in them
FEEL WHAT IT’S LIKE
Let’s remember Roger Ebert’s words of wisdom:
“We live in a box of space and time. Movies are windows in its walls. They allow us to enter other minds, not simply in the sense of identifying with the characters, although that is an important part of it, but by seeing the world as another person sees it.”
Therefore, next time you feel like crying or see someone crying while watching a movie, take these things in mind and stop judging. Also, if you feel emotional too, do not hold back the waterworks, but feel free to shed a tear instead. . .
I mean, there’s really some things W O R S E than being a C R Y B A B Y
Ok, I’m a little confused here, and now, maybe you are, too.
Does anybody know what the ORANGE PEEL THEORY is? I mean, I really thought an orange peel, was uhhhhh, you know, AN ORAGNE PEEL? You?
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! Thank you for playing, tell them what their consolation gift is, Johnny. . .
Does Your Relationship Pass The ‘Orange Peel Theory’ Test?
Here is what the new TikTok trend is all about — and what it might say about your own partner. Anna Rahmanan let us in on an obviously not obvious secret. . .
JANINA STEINMETZ VIA GETTY IMAGES
A new thesis regarding relationships has gained popularity all over TikTok in recent weeks.
“The orange peel theory focuses on the idea that small acts of service are not just about the action itself but about what it represents in the relationship,” said Kate Truitt, a board-certified psychologist and applied neuroscientist. “They signal care, love and commitment, and the repetition of the act enhances the overall health and happiness of the relationship. These gestures, often simple and seemingly mundane, are in fact pivotal in nurturing a loving, supportive and enduring partnership.”
Georgina Sturmer, a registered counselor at the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, said that the trend is really a commentary on “the nuts and bolts of a relationship.”
In fact, many on TikTok have come to celebrate ― or negatively comment on ― romantic relationships based on observations made with the orange peel theory in mind.
Does your significant other peel an orange for you without you having to ask because he or she knows how much the smell of the skin bothers you, for example? Or does he or she complain about your “constant asking” when you do request a favor?
“The idea is that we are all subconsciously seeking signals from our partner to reassure us of their affection,”Sturmer said. “Signals that show us that they have an intimate knowledge of our likes and dislikes, and that they are prepared to go out of their way to make us happy.”
Why Acts Of Service Are Hallmarks Of A Good Relationship
According to Truitt, “regular, positive interactions are fundamental in creating a sense of security, trust and emotional bonding.”
That is all to say: Consistent acts of affection will not only prove that your partner cares for you, but they will also allow you to feel comfortable enough to explore the relationship further and, perhaps, deepen your connection. By demonstrating his or her appreciation for you through seemingly meaningless efforts, your partner will subconsciously give you the green light to feel even more secure in your relationship.
Truitt explained that kind gestures help build a positive emotional atmosphere that then “triggers the release of vital neurotransmitters like oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin.”These chemicals have been shown to reinforce positive feelings and, therefore, emotional connections.
In addition to providing an immediate sense of satisfaction and joy, these acts of kindness work to bolster the “foundations” of a relationship and one’s own sense of self, according to Truitt.
“This might sound obvious, but many of us carry around an inner critic that tells us that we are undeserving of kindness,” she said. “So when our partner offers a kind word, gesture or action, this strengthens the relationship between us, and it also boosts our own confidence and self-esteem.”
Some may contend that sporadic grand gestures may prove one’s love in their own way, perhaps even more than constant, small-scale actions — but the therapists don’t necessarily agree with that.
“Popular culture celebrates the grand gesture, like a proposal at the top of the Empire State Building, a dramatic race through an airport departure lounge,” Sturmer said. “These can be wonderful statements, but, in our everyday existence, the consistent caring interactions tell us that someone cares.”
Examples Of The Orange Peel Theory
Although the orange peel theory is clearly based on a specific action, the concept refers to a larger category of behaviors: everyday acts of tenderness that may not catch your attention immediately but, when put together, offer a pretty clear picture of your relationship status.
Examples of these quotidian efforts, according to Sturmer, include “cleaning dirty boots after a walk outside, collecting your partner at the bus station when it’s raining, refilling the gas in the family car when it’s running low.”
The key, according to the expert, is that the simple gesture goes unannounced and perhaps isn’t directly requested.
“It’s not accompanied with fanfare or an explicit requirement to show your appreciation,”she said.
Other examples may include ordering your partner’s favorite menu item from a restaurant before they can even ask, doing the dishes or bringing the mail in.
Truitt takes it a step further than the actionable aspect of the conversation, mentioning how certain behavioral dispositions fall under the scope of the theory, like active listening, expressions of appreciations, small feats of affection (“holding hands, hugs or a thoughtful note”), support during stress, quality time, consistent check-ins and celebrating successes.
How Can I Bring The Orange Peel Theory Up To My Partner?
It’s important to note that everyone has a different way of showing their appreciation and affection. However, if there is one thing that the orange peel theory has proved, it’s that small, consistent acts of kindness certainly help deliver the message that you care about someone. So how can you make sure that your partner knows this?
According to Truitt, there are a few ways. To start, lead by example.
“Often the best way to encourage behavior is to model it yourself,”she said. “Engage in small acts of kindness towards your partner regularly, which could range from a thoughtful note to a warm embrace, demonstrating the kind of affection and care you value.”
Communication is a big part of the subject as well, but, according to Truitt, it’s important to understand that the goal of any conversation is to enhance the relationship, not to “criticize your partner.”
You should therefore choose the right time and setting to bring the conversation up, focus on the positive aspects of your connection while also being specific about your desires. You might have to “clearly express what small gestures” you’re talking about, Truitt explained. Being direct is always the best course of action.
Don’t forget to also ask your partner’s take on it, Sturmer said. In addition to role-modeling the behavior, she suggested talking about what’s stopping your partner from fulfilling your needs.
“Maybe they’re assuming that you might find him or her doing things for you patronizing,” she said. “They’re worried about annoying you.” The solution? Direct communication.
One more tip: To ease into the conversation, Sturmer said, you might actually want to show your partner the various viral videos. “It gives you a chance to chat about it without making it feel personal.”
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
SERIOUSLY. . . ORANGE YOU GLAD YOU KNOW THIS, NOW? (so sorry; I couldn’t resist)