Have you ever lost your heart. . . ?
Loaded question, huh?
Well?
What makes it such a touch question
is just trying to figure out
is that a
Physical
Emotional
Psycho-Social
Spiritual
L I T E R A L Question. . .
Ohhhhhhhh how you should know by
NOW
and all nearly some 800 Blog Posts later
that I’m a Sucker for the Sap Movies
and this one,
LAST CHRISTMAS
is maybe the sappiest of all
and it’s leaked a glue over me
that I can’t wash away
(and most likely don’t want to, anyway)
Nothing seems to go right for young Kate, a frustrated Londoner who works as an elf in a year-round Christmas shop. But things soon take a turn for the better when she meets Tom — a handsome charmer who seems too good to be true. As the city transforms into the most wonderful time of the year, Tom and Kate’s growing attraction turns into the best gift of all — a Yuletide romance. . .
Sa-Sa-Saaaaaa-SAPPY, right?
ba-ba-baaa-but
it made me think
IT MADE ME FEEL
the times I’ve lost my
h e a r t
Uhhhhhhh not so much
physically
emotionally
psycho-socially
spiritually
so much as
uh-ohh. . .
dare I write:
metaphysically. . .
and I guess I’m inviting you
to ask
to reflect
a time(S)
you’ve actually lost your heart. . . ?
Can I help answer?
Are you the same you were
10
20
30+
years ago?
What changed from the time you were an infant
to the time you became a toddler
to the time you became a preschooler
to the time you were in elementary school
to the time you were in junior high
to the time you were graduating high school
to the times of different jobs
to the the times of continuing education
to the times of getting married
to the times of having children
to
N O W
. . .just how many,
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU LOST YOUR HEART
and maybe better still. . .
FOUND IT?
Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
Here’s to all of the times to come
and all the Seasons
that’ll allow
the prompting of the question:
WHO AM I?
(MAY THE ANSWER CONTINUALLY BE DIFFERENT
as it has countless times before)
A HIT
Crazy what you sometimes dream when you’re actually sleeping. . .
and then it drives you even crazier when you try to figure out
JUST WHY DID I DREAM THAT?
. . .I blame it on a local sports talk radio station
that had a Twitter Tuesday question of
WHO HAS THE WORST OFFENSE:
THE INDIANS
THE BROWNS
THE CAVS
and it was an overwhelming landslide vote of
THE CLEVELAND INDIANS
who currently seem to have great pitching but horrible
h i t t i n g. . .
THE DREAM
was I was actually playing for them
CENTER FIELD
and it took me back to one of my worst
little league moments ever. . .
We were playing our local rivals and my grandfather, who loved baseball and taught me a lot of what I knew about it;
bought me my first glove, ball and bat
and actually took me to the backyard
and showed me how to use them;
to catch
to throw
to hit
and. . .well,
playing catch in the backyard isn’t the same as playing
Centerfield in a live game. . .
A N Y W A Y
I was in Centerfield for the Tribe
and a ball came sizzling my way
and before I could blink
it was way, way past me
(JUST LIKE THE REAL LIFE LITTLE LEAGUE GAME)
and before I could react
(JUST LIKE THE REAL LIFE LITTLE LEAGUE GAME)
I felt all of the embarrassment of
THAT MOMENT
magnified with all of the other embarrassments
over some 55 years
surging through me
AND THE PLAY WAS LIKE ON A REPLAY LOOP
it just kept being played over and over and over again
until I woke up
W H E W
(love the promise of a new day)
but the Dream hung with me
until I spilled it out here. . .
I remember that was the end of my days as an outfielder;
they moved me to third base
and I was like a vacuum cleaner
. . .in fact they nicknamed me
HOOVER
. . .I sucked everything up that came my way
and even did decent job at the plate
batting third in the line up
u n t i l
I took back to back shots to the head
and that pretty much ended my baseball career
I went from HOOVER
to
“Good field. No hit Chuck”
When I was growing up it was the way to describe a baseball player who was good defensively but terrible with the bat. . .
and it came to me when I flinched at every pitch that sizzled my way;
S O. . .
not an outfielder
not a pitcher
no way a catcher
but a decent fielder
(long before the designated hitter was even imagined)
It was done
NO MORE DREAMS OF BEING A MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL PLAYER
(the dream literally became a nightmare that I had the other night)
and I wholeheartedly put all of my efforts into basketball
. . .little did I know that would somewhat be the metaphor for the way I approached things the rest of my life:
try your best at something
from every position necessary
and when the path dead ends
LOOK
to where you may want to start
A NEW PATH
THERE IS ALWAYS A NEXT STEP
to take
and sometimes the
BEST ROAD
is not the one that
IS
or
WAS
but the One
you have to create. . .
Maybe we are being given that challenge
right now
as we all cope with
the next normal
provided by this
terrible pandemic
the political unrest
the violent and deadly protests
the natural disasters. . .
Let’s all start asking ourselves
and all whose lives we touch and impact
to realize we CAN see things differently. . .
do things differently. . .
succeed differently
WE ARE NOT AT SOME SEEMINGLY DEAD END
. . .we are at the
BEGINNING
of something we can create and better still
CO-CREATE
with others
. . .and maybe
just maybe this time when I come up to bat
it won’t be so much about getting a hit
as
BEING A HIT
YOU’RE UP
(it’s not the time to take your ball and head home)
PURPOSELESSNESS
It’s really getting tougher
THESE DAYS
to figure things out
to know
WHAT TO DO
WHAT NOT TO DO
WHAT DIRECTION YOU SHOULD TAKE
WHAT WAY YOU SHOULD STAY CLEAR
K N O W I N G
What’s your
PURPOSE
MEANING
REASON
DESTINY
because sure enough
it’s not what it was
6 months
12 months
608 months ago. . .
RIGHT NOW
it just doesn’t feel like we’re pieces of a puzzle
or pieces of a puzzle out of the box
but more like pieces of a puzzle out of the box
WITH THE WRONG PICTURE
to work from
as we attempt to put it
all back together again
when it feels like
there’s no
TOGETHER
and no
A G A I N. . .
which means
it just might be time
to not so much shuffle the cards
but get a brand new
D E C K
I recently read an article BY JILL SUTTIE, a frequent contributor to Greater Good Magazine that kind of suggested why have a card
(even an ace in the hole)
when you can work with a brand new deck. . .
It’s been too long that we’ve forgone all of the
c r a y o n s
in the box
when it’s obvious that we just don’t need
the color
but also all of the nuances. . .
We all know folks who seem to have a deep sense of purpose. Whether working for racial justice, teaching children to read, making inspiring art, or collecting donations of masks and face shields for hospitals during the pandemic, they’ve found ways to blend their passion, talents, and care for the world in a way that infuses their lives with meaning.
Maybe it’s time we’ve stopped using a Compass
as a Clock. . .
Having a purpose in life is associated with all kinds of benefits. Research suggests that purpose is tied to having better health, longevity, and even economic success. It feels good to have a sense of purpose, knowing that you are using your skills to help others in a way that matters to you.
But how do you go about finding your purpose if it’s not obvious to you? Is it something you develop naturally over the course of a lifetime? Or are there steps you can take to encourage more purpose in your life? Are they NEVER changing or ALWAYS changing. . . ?
Likely both, says Kendall Bronk, a researcher who directs the Adolescent Moral Development Lab at Claremont Graduate University. People can find a sense of purpose organically—or through deliberate exercises and self-reflection. Sometimes, just having someone talk to you about what matters to you makes you think more intentionally about your life and your purpose, says Bronk.
In her work with adolescents, she’s found that some teens find purpose after experiencing hardship. Maybe a kid who has experienced racism decides to become a civil rights advocate. Or one who’s suffered severe illness decides to study medicine. Of course, experiences like poverty and illness are extremely hard to overcome without help from others. But Bronk’s research suggests that having a supportive social network—caring family members, like-minded friends, or mentors, for example—helps youth to reframe hardship as a challenge they can play a role in changing for the better. That might be true of adults, too.
While hardship can lead to purpose, most people probably find purpose in a more meandering way, says Bronk—through a combination of education, experience, and self-reflection, often helped along by encouragement from others. But finding your purpose can be jump-started, too, given the right tools. She and her colleagues have found that exercises aimed at uncovering your values, interests, and skills, as well as practicing positive emotions like gratitude, can help point you toward your purpose in life.
Here are some of her recommendations based on her research on purpose.
Identify the things you care about
Purpose is all about applying your skills toward contributing to the greater good in a way that matters to you. So, identifying what you care about is an important first step.
In Greater Good’s Purpose Challenge, designed by Bronk and her team, high school seniors were asked to think about the world around them—their homes, communities, the world at large—and visualize what they would do if they had a magic wand and could change anything they wanted to change (and why). Afterward, they could use that reflection to consider more concrete steps they might take to contribute toward moving the world a little closer to that ideal.
A similar process is recommended for older adults by Jim Emerman of Encore.org, an organization that helps seniors find new purpose in life. Instead of envisioning an ideal future world, though, he suggests posing three questions to yourself:
- What are you good at?
- What have you done that gave you a skill that can be used for a cause?
- What do you care about in your community?
By reflecting on these questions, he says, older adults can brainstorm ideas for repurposing skills and pursuing interests developed over a lifetime toward helping the world.
Reflect on what matters most
Sometimes it can be hard to single out one or two things that matter most to you because your circle of care and concern is far-ranging. Understanding what you value most may help you narrow down your purpose in life to something manageable that also truly resonates with you.
There are several good values surveys to choose from, including these three recommended by PositivePsychology.com: the Valued Living Questionnaire, the Portrait Values Questionnaire, and the Personal Values Questionnaire. All have been used in research studies and may be helpful to those who feel overwhelmed by all they want to change.
Bronk found that helping people prioritize their values is useful for finding purpose. The survey used in Greater Good’s purpose challenge—where students were asked to look at common values and rank which were most important, least important, and in between—has been shown to be effective in helping people clarify their purpose.
Once you’re clearer on your deepest values, Bronk recommends asking yourself: What do these values say about you as a person? How do these values influence your daily life? How might they relate to what you want to do with the rest of your life? Doing this exercise can help you discover how you can put your values to use.
Recognize your strengths and talents
We all have strengths and skills that we’ve developed over our lifetimes, which help make up our unique personalities. Yet some of us may be unsure of what we have to offer.
If we need help, a survey like the VIA Character Strengths Survey can be useful in identifying our personal strengths and embracing them more fully. Then, you can take the results and think about how you can apply them toward something you really care about.
But it can also be helpful to ask others—teachers, friends, family, colleagues, mentors—for input. In the Purpose Challenge, students were asked to send emails to five people who knew them well and to pose questions like:
- What do you think I’m particularly good at?
- What do you think I really enjoy?
- How do you think I’ll leave my mark on the world?
Adults can do this if they need feedback, too—either formally or informally in conversation with trusted others. People who know you well may be able to see things in you that you don’t recognize in yourself, which can point you in unexpected directions. On the other hand, there is no need to overly rely on that feedback if it doesn’t resonate. Getting input is useful if it clarifies your strengths—not if it’s way off base.
Try volunteering
Finding purpose involves more than just self-reflection. According to Bronk, it’s also about trying out new things and seeing how those activities enable you to use your skills to make a meaningful difference in the world. Volunteering in a community organization focused on something of interest to you could provide you with some experience and do good at the same time.
Working with an organization serving others can put you in touch with people who share your passions and inspire you. In fact, it’s easier to find and sustain purpose with others’ support—and a do-gooder network can introduce you to opportunities and a community that shares your concern. Volunteering has the added benefit of improving our health and longevity, at least for some people.
However, not all volunteer activities will lead to a sense of purpose. “Sometimes volunteering can be deadening,” warns Stanford University researcher Anne Colby. “It needs to be engaging. You have to feel you’re accomplishing something.” When you find a good match for you, volunteering will likely “feel right” in some way—not draining, but invigorating.
Imagine your best possible self
This exercise if particularly useful in conjunction with the magic-wand exercise described above. In Greater Good’s Purpose Challenge, high school students were asked to imagine themselves at 40 years of age if everything had gone as well as it could have in their lives. Then, they answered questions, like:
- What are you doing?
- What is important to you?
- What do you really care about, and why?
The why part is particularly important, because purposes usually emerges from our reasons for caring, says Bronk.
Of course, those of us who are a bit older can still find these questions valuable. However, says Bronk, older folks may want to reflect back rather than look ahead. She suggests we think about what we’ve always wanted to do but maybe couldn’t because of other obligations (like raising kids or pursuing a career). There seems to be something about seeing what you truly want for yourself and the world that can help bring you closer to achieving it, perhaps by focusing your attention on the people and experiences you encounter that may help you get there.
Cultivate positive emotions like gratitude and awe
To find purpose, it helps to foster positive emotions, like awe and gratitude. That’s because each of these emotions is tied to well-being, caring about others, and finding meaning in life, which all help us focus on how we can contribute to the world.
In her study with young adults, Bronk found that practicing gratitude was particularly helpful in pointing students toward purpose. Reflecting on the blessings of their lives often leads young people to “pay it forward” in some way, which is how gratitude can lead to purpose.
There are many ways to cultivate awe and gratitude. Awe can be inspired by seeing the beauty in nature or recalling an inspirational moment. Gratitude can be practiced by keeping a gratitude journal or writing a gratitude letter to someone who helped you in life. Whatever tools you use, developing gratitude and awe has the added benefit of being good for your emotional well-being, which can give you the energy and motivation you need to carry out your purposeful goals.
LOOK TO THE PEOPLE YOU ADMIRE
Sometimes the people we admire most in life give us a clue to how we might want to contribute to a better world ourselves. Reading about the work of civil rights leaders or climate activists can give us a moral uplift that can serve as motivation for working toward the greater good.
However, sometimes looking at these larger-than-life examples can be too intimidating, says Bronk. If so, you can look for everyday people who are doing good in smaller ways. Maybe you have a friend who volunteers to collect food for the homeless or a colleague whose work in promoting social justice inspires you.
You don’t need fame to fulfill your purpose in life. You just need to look to your inner compass—and start taking small steps in the direction that means the most to you. . .BEGINNING YESTERDAY
AND YOU. . .
MUST BECOME IT’S GREATEST
INFECTOR
(it’s the only thing that will literally give Purpose, PURPOSE)
Now
that’ll shuffle the deck
and complete the puzzle
all at the same time. . .
SUBTITLES
Some Coffee Commercial, huh. . . ?
When I saw it this past week
somehow the first thought that came to my mind wasn’t,
“WOW, DO I WANT A CUP OF HOT COFFEE AT THIS VERY MOMENT!”
and then I researched it a little bit
AND THEN I RESEARCHED IT A LITTLE BIT MORE
and saw that it was Charlie Chaplin that actually made the speech
AND SAW THAT IT WAS CHARLIE CHAPLIN THAT ACTUALLY MADE THE SPEECH AS A CHARACTER THAT RESEMBLED HITLER
AND THEN I SAW THAT
“In “The Great Dictator”, Chaplin plays two identical characters – the Jewish Barber and Adenoid Hynkel. Hynkel is a stand-in for Hitler. At the end of the movie, the Barber has replaced Hynkel and delivers the speech we hear in the commercial. Therefore, it’s not Hynkel/Hitler delivering the speech, it’s the Barber. Of course, the speech is really Chaplin’s plea for understanding.”
Sometimes
IT IS WAY MORE THAN JUST
PERSPECTIVE
Sometimes
IT IS WAY MORE THAN JUST
HOW YOU SEE THINGS
Sometimes
IT IS JUST THE WAY
IT IS
(and that may be the toughest way of all to see things)
Without a doubt
. . .our life doesn’t come
with instructions
(BUT IT DOES HAVE INSTRUCTORS)
or subtitles. . .
at best
the seemingly non-existent subtitles
are ones you can’t read
or are in a foreign language
or much like life
feels like
. . .comes at you upside down
When all we really want to do is read
as we are read
We all want to help one another, human beings are like that. We all want to live by each other’s happiness, not by each other’s misery. We don’t want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone and the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You the people have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give you the future and old age and security. Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, to do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness. Let us all unite!
KNOW
as we are
KNOWN
. . .but that just might be too much to ask for
BUT NEVER
TOO MUCH TO
KEEP ATTEMPTING
. . .rub your eyes again
b l i n k
LOOK
SEE
JOIN ME
(no subtitles necessary)
The Quenching
T H I R S T Y ?
For what, exactly?
For
literally
something to drink
or metaphorically
for something more fulfilling for the
s o u l
. . .with a cup of coffee
or a cooler drink
by my side
COVID19
keeps sending me back to
and instead of turning the page
I’ve hovered over poem,
THIRST
(again and again)
Another morning and I wake with thirst
For the goodness I do not have. I walk
Out to the pond and all the way God has
Given us such beautiful lessons. Oh Lord,
I was never a quick scholar but sulked
And hunched over my books past the
Hour and the bell; grant me, in your
Mercy, a little more time. Love for the earth and love for you are having such a
Long conversation in my heart. Who
Knows what will finally happen or
Where I will be sent, yet already I have
Given a great many things away, expecting
To be told to pack nothing, except the
Prayers, which with this thirst, I am
Slowly learning.
I’ve always been in awe
of how a drop of water
has the power of a tsunami
if it hits
on the right shore. . .
and more
. . .supplies a
q u e n c h i n g
I F. . .
A drop of water can be an ocean
A sliver of light can be the sun
A word can be a library
A note can be a symphony
A touch can be a cure
A morsel can be a banquet
A lesson can be an entire education
A step can be a completed marathon
A stickman can be a masterpiece
A loving act can be a lifestyle
A grape can be a raisin
A caterpillar can be a butterfly
I F. . .
shared
I F. . .
recognized
I F. . .
accepted
I F. . .
applied
I F. . .
You’re spending time
wondering if my glass
is half empty
or half full
you’ll never be able to
f u l l y
drink from the
c u p
I
offer
and surely
THE QUENCHING
you
thirst
Be
the never ending
QUENCHING
HOLIDAYING
Thinking of Skipping Vacation. . .
D o n ’ t !
- Rebecca Zucker is an executive coach and a founding partner at NEXT STEP PARTNERS, a boutique leadership development firm and she’s worked with AMAZON, CLOROX, and SKOLL Foundation to mention a few and her research is telling us to QUIT, errr, to just pause, take some time OFF. . .interestingly enough, I READ THIS ARTICLE as I was doing exactly what she was suggesting. . .
Many of us have had our summer vacation plans cancelled due to the pandemic. Perhaps you planned to visit family or take your annual beach vacation. Or maybe you were scheduled to celebrate a milestone with big trip — a food and wine tour of France or an African safari. Whatever your thwarted plans entailed, you might be thinking of skipping a vacation altogether. And given that productivity has been hampered for many of us over the last few months, it’s easy to think, “I should keep working, so I can get more done,” or “What’s the point? I can’t really go anywhere.”
Don’t give in to this limited thinking. Several studies indicate that performance nose-dives when we work for extended periods without a break. In addition, the benefitsof taking a vacation are clear: It results in improved productivity, lower stress and better overall mental health. It also spurs greater creativity — for example, Lin-Manuel Miranda conceived of Hamilton while on vacation.
Research on elite athletes shows that rest is what enables them to perform at peak levels, and the same is true for us. Taking a vacation allows us to come back feeling refreshed and recharged, with renewed focus. Some companies are even requiring employees to take time off. Vacations may even help your personal bottom line: Research shows that those who take more than 10 days of vacation are 30% more likely to receive a raise, and those who take regular vacations have greater job satisfaction.
HEY NOW!!
While your plans will likely look different than before, below are some guidelines to help you reap the benefits of vacation, wherever you go or DON’T GO. . . .
Get a change in scenery. Vacation doesn’t need to entail extensive travel. The fun of it is going somewhere that is different from your daily life. This may be a short drive from home, an extended road trip, or an excursion to the other side of town. One friend rented a beach house on Lake Erie for her family 30 miles from her home. I have a lot of friends who either own or have rented an RV with their family and drove to the mountains with another family. (Each family had their own RV and got tested for Covid-19 before leaving.) Another colleague took a solo weekend a few hours outside his city at an Airbnb to read and reflect. Another friend planned gourmet food excursions in Tremont and around the city, seeking out the best versions of her favorite foods in different neighborhoods across town and she did it solely by “take out.”
Plan ahead. While a spontaneous getaway can be exciting, research shows that the stress of poorly planned vacations can eliminate the positive benefits of time off. In particular, planning a month ahead and focusing on the details in advance versus figuring things out while on vacation has been shown to result in a better vacation experience with more positive outcomes. Planning ahead also gives us something to look forward to — something that Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, says not only makes us feel good, but also adds an “atmosphere of growth” to our lives and makes us optimistic. Even if you’re only going across town, you can still identify which days you’re going to take off and plan what you’re going to do in advance.
Identify the type of experience you want to have. The ideal vacation is different for each of us. What is your idea of recreation? What allows you to recharge? What nourishes you? For some, it’s soaking up the sun by the water. For others, it’s a creative pursuit, exploring a new location, trying new cuisine or engaging in an adventure sport. Knowing this will help inform potential destinations and activities. You might not be able to take that cooking class in Provence, but you can still go to the countryside, have a gourmet experience, and cook Provençal cuisine.
Spend time outdoors. Research shows that spending time in nature benefits us both mentally and physically. Moreover, these benefits are reaped whether you are in a national park or an urban park, and with as little as two hours in nature per week. Whether you’re traveling or staying home, build in time outdoors as part of your vacation, whether it’s taking a morning walk, skipping stones on a lake, watching the waves crash at the beach or picnicking in a small park. Being outside also provides open space and more social distancing (aside from the occasional crowded monuments or visitor centers).
Unplug. A 2017 Glassdoor study showed that two-thirds of Americans work on vacation. Doing so has been found to negatively affect intrinsic motivation and causes us to enjoy our work less. Unplugging from work is a big part of what makes vacation feel like vacation. It’s down time for our brains from the barrage of cognitive demands that come with our jobs. It creates the space for creativity to emerge and allows us to be fully present with our families or travel partners. My friend who went on the RV trip sans laptop and cell reception felt liberated and like he was able to truly slow down and reset. He let everyone know in advance he’d be unavailable during that time. My friend who rented the beach house brought games, puzzles, a good book, and some wine and relished being able to disconnect from work. To be sure, disconnecting can feel difficult — many people fear missed opportunities or the back-to-work email dread. Identify a colleague who can answer questions while you’re away and indicate this as well as how you’ll be following up (if at all) in your out-of-office message.
Create memories. Vacations are also great opportunities to create lasting, positive memories. Several studies show that recalling happy memories can head off stress, anxiety, and depression — something that is much needed in our busy lives and even more so in current times. Since it’s easy to capture the most enjoyable moments of our vacations with a smartphone, go ahead and record singing around the campfire while eating s’mores. Take pictures of the scenic views, your picnic spread, the fish your teenager caught, or the thousand-piece puzzle your family put together. You’ll enjoy revisiting these memories in the months and years to come.
As easy as it might be to keep on working and skip a vacation, don’t. Following the suggestions above can provide you with an experience that leaves you refreshed and re-energized, and you don’t have to go very far to do it.
In my case,
the best
H O L I D A Y
I take is the one
I DON’T. . .
I relax by working
. . .I know that sounds strange
but while I was recently off
I still conducted a steady stream of funerals
(WHICH IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST REASONS I BELIEVE I WAS BORN)
I read
I READ A LOT
I wrote
I WROTE A LOT
I walked
I WALKED A LOT
We one-day’d trips
WE ONE-DAY’D A LOT
otherwise I come down with a severe case of
LEISURE SICKNESS
(go ahead, GOOGLE IT)
It’s an illness
that attacks when you very suddenly come to a stop and start to relax, it throws your hormones off balance. This then, affects your immune system and makes your body vulnerable to getting sick. . .who knew that Adrenaline not only helps us cope with stress but actually boosts our immune systems to help fight infections, I know, I know, it’s the
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm of the Day
but here’s a sure-fire remedy:
PLAY JUST AS HARD
Now that’s some
H O L I D A Y I N G
we could not only all use
but benefit. . .
HOLIDAY ON
(it’s a great cure for color blindness, too)
The Sandbox
C O M P A S S I O N
never leaves with clean hands. . .
and the only time
OUT OF THE BOX
isn’t so great
is when it’s a
s a n d b o x
. . .just how much sand
is still in your sandbox
or has it all
l i t e r a l l y
been thrown away. . . ?
THE WORLD
is upside down
and off its axis
seemingly with no hope of
r i g h t i n g
itself
everyone seems to be grabbing for anything
that even remotely looks like
T H E I R S
(especially opinions)
JUST WEARING A MASK
(or not)
will get you labeled
and that’ll negate you
in blink-of-the-eye-quickness. . .
CASE IN POINT:
(from two acquaintances in a Facebook Discussion)
(ROB WROTE):
This shouldn’t be a political post, but offending people appears almost as easy as blinking these days and seems to happen with a near similar frequency.
Today I met with my neurologist via zoom. We discussed the current condition of my health and the reality that heat is a destructive force in my life. Overheating complicates my already fragile central nervous system and causes frequent pseudo exacerbations and tailspins that are difficult to describe. I won’t bore you with the details, but the Dr. told me that I can’t risk going out and being near people who aren’t wearing masks in these ongoing days of Covid. If I were to get a fever, it would be “very, very bad” for me, let’s just leave it at that.
Now I don’t know each of your views pertaining to mask wearing and, honestly, I marvel at its political ties, though I know that I shouldn’t be surprised. I’m just trying to send a reminder that some of us aren’t in a position to ponder the political angles, we are just trying to keep our heads above water and would like to not be permanently confined to our homes, where it sometimes ironically seems that we might drown for lack of oxygen.
I encourage you to think of adorning a mask as if it were an empathy enhancer, regardless of any other benefits it may or may not have.
Stay healthy, friends. One day we will hug again
(WENDY REPLIED):
I think what is interesting about this conversation is that your highly trained doctor says to wear one, but my highly trained doctor says not too. It is what makes this part of the mask conversation so hard. I too, am considered extremely immune compromised but my doctor does not believe they protect us and in fact believes they are harming us more and providing an environment for more virus to grow. I work as an essential employee, have not been sick, wear mask in limited capacity and have stayed healthy. Many doctors believe that this is why we are seeing virus transmission go up in areas that are mandating it. Also on the flip side of this, my mother, who is asthmatic and my uncle who has COPD, cant wear them without getting deathly sick. It is a unique conversation to each individual, their unique situation and their health care providers feelings on it. It should not be mandated by any government entity for that reason. I respect what your doctor is telling you for you, but it can’t be something that is mandated for everyone. We do not know each person’s unique situation which why judgement to wear or not wear should be something we as individuals should not be passing and should be an individuals decision to do or not to do based on these specific factors. What could save your life, might take my mom’s life. This is a very real thing we need to see in the true light for what it is. It does mean that many people like you can’t be out in the general population right now, but it should not mean everyone has to wear a mask because of that. If you wear one and stay socially distant, you will stay safe. I am sorry that the health factors make life more difficult for you during this time
(ROB REPLIED)
Wendy – Thanks for a thoughtful reply. I am of the opinion that some of your examples are the exception to the rule, but none the less, thanks for addressing the argument rather than attacking the individual. Tip of the cap to you.
Playing in the sandbox without getting
G R I T T Y
is not just possible or plausible
but actually
providential
Sand in the box
is never the problem
It’s always the sand
the seemingly unremovable sand
on the hands
between the toes
in the shorts
in the eyes
that causes the
not-so-nice-play
in the sandbox
GRIT
has its place(S)
but purposely
recklessly
deliberately
in the eyes
is never one of them
Sand in the box
is never the problem
as much as
s a n d
out of the box
We are way past the time
of playing nice
. . .it’s now time
to just
BE NICE
(ALWAYS)
(ALL-WAYS)
Mental CALISTHENICS
Ever since early MARCH 2020
when we entered into our COVID19 Pandemic
our heads have been jammed back with
F A C T S
some true
some false
some somewhere in-between
and it’s all been enough to literally make your head
E X P L O D E
so when you think you are literally
going out of your mind
real it all back in
(no duct tape necessary)
You’re not alone—people around the world are depressed, anxious, and stressed, some more than others.
KIRA M. NEWMAN is the managing editor of GREATER GOOD which is all about reeling it all in as it appears to be falling all out shares with us some great DO’S and DON’T’S. . .
Epidemiologists and virologists around the world are scrambling to understand and prevent the spread of the novel coronavirus. There is another group of researchers who are concerned about a slightly different foe: the mental health pandemic.
Facing an infectious disease, we have been forced to maintain distance from each other, all while going through levels of fear, uncertainty, job loss, and grief that are unprecedented for many people.
“In an ironic twist, many of the strategies that are critical to ensuring our collective public health during this pandemic may put people at greater risk for . . . mental health issues,” write Frederick Buttell and Regardt J. Ferreira at Tulane University in a recent, special issue of the journal Psychological Trauma.
In brand-new studies coming out of China, Spain, the United States, and other countries, researchers are discovering in real time how we are collectively coping with this worldwide event. The results are not uplifting, but they aren’t surprising either. We are suffering, some of us worse than others. You don’t have to have lost a job or a loved one to be affected. Humans are complex, and so are emotional responses to the pandemic.
When this all started, we learned how viruses spread and how to wash our hands like pros. Now we have lessons to learn about what happens to mental health in a crisis like this, so we can find ways to address it.
We’re anxious, depressed, and traumatized
As COVID-19 spread through China in January and February, researchers were already sending out questionnaires to citizens locked down in their homes. In half a dozen studies with over 10,000 respondents, they found that people were experiencing worse mental health problems than before the pandemic—high symptoms of stress, anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Up to half showed serious signs of depression (depending on the study), while up to 35 percent showed serious anxiety.
One survey followed over 1,700 people in 190 Chinese cities from late January to late February. During the height of the pandemic, their stress, anxiety, and depression didn’t change. Their symptoms of PTSD declined slightly—but they were still high enough to be worrisome. People weren’t getting worse, but they also didn’t seem to be getting used to pandemic life.
The results look no better in other countries. In late March, nearly 3,500 people were surveyed in Spain, when the country ranked second in the world in COVID-19 deaths. Many people met the criteria for clinical mental health problems: 19 percent for depression, almost a quarter for anxiety, and 16 percent for PTSD. Within a week after Slovenia declared an epidemic, over half of the thousands of people surveyed had high stress levels. In April, 14 percent of Americans were experiencing serious psychological distress, more than triple the rate in 2018.
And studies find that this stress and anxiety fuels poor sleep, creating a vicious cycle. The more we lay awake at night during the pandemic, rehashing worries we have no control over, the worse our mental health becomes.
Some of us are lonely, but not all
Stay-at-home orders and social distancing have left many people isolated, so it makes sense that we would be feeling lonely. And, indeed, nearly 1 in 7 U.S. adults said they were often or always lonely in April 2020, up over 25 percent from 2018. But when another group of researchers surveyed over 1,500 people in the U.S., they were surprised to find “remarkable resilience.” Not only did people not become lonelier over time, but they actually gained a greater sense of support from others from January to April.
All the phone calls and video chats with family and friends may be helping, write Martina Luchetti and her coauthors from Florida State University, as well as a new sense of togetherness. “Many people have felt part of community-wide efforts to slow the spread of the virus. The feeling of . . . being in this together may increase resilience.”
However, this hasn’t been true for everyone. People who are younger or living alone, or who have a chronic health condition, are lonelier than other groups. In fact, one study in the U.S. in April and May (before any restrictions were lifted) found that almost two thirds of people under 30 had high levels of loneliness, and 37 percent felt they had low support from their family.
“Feeling cut off from social groups may lead one to feel vulnerable and pessimistic about one’s circumstances,” write Cindy H. Liu and her coauthors.
In early April, the United Nations called for immediate global action to combat the increasing violence against women and girls during the pandemic.
The effects depend on your personality, lifestyle, and demographics
While older people have greater health risks from COVID-19, it seems to be younger people who are struggling emotionally. According to studies from Spain, China, and Slovenia, younger people tend to be more depressed, anxious, stressed, and traumatized in the era of COVID-19. The same is true for women, who may also be more lonely.
There’s no clear explanation for why this might be true, but researchers have some speculations. Women tend to have worse mental health in general, and certain stressors right now—like the added burden of caregiving and the risk of losing jobs—may fall more heavily on women.
For younger people, it could be the disruptions to their routines that are to blame, particularly for college students who have had to adjust to online schooling. In studies across both China and the United States, the more the pandemic was affecting people’s daily lives, the more anxious they felt.
Personality also influences how we fare in tough times. Two related traits that seem to matter during the pandemic are our ability to tolerate uncertainty and our ability to tolerate distress. While it’s hard for anyone to struggle or face the unknown, some people are less comfortable with it than others. And right now, it’s those people who seem to be ruminating more, feeling more afraid, and experiencing more depression, anxiety, and PTSD.
It’s worse for disadvantaged groups
In studies across the world, researchers investigated what else might make people vulnerable to mental health problems during the pandemic. They found a few key factors that put people at risk.
For one, people with poor health or chronic diseases tend to have higher symptoms of stress, anxiety, depression, and PTSD, several studies found. Of course, this might be because these are also the people with greater health risks from COVID-19.
Your income and education matter, too. The less stable your income and the less educated you are, studies suggest, the more anxiety, depression, and stress you will experience. The pandemic is threatening the economy, affecting everyone’s financial future, but the situation is worse for people who were already struggling. In a very real sense, we’re not all in the same boat.
“It is an inescapable fact that people lower on the socioeconomic ladder are struggling more”
―David Sbarra, Ph.D.
A Pew survey of nearly 5,000 Americans in April found that the lowest-income people were most afraid of getting COVID-19, too. “[While] Americans may be struggling with the emotional challenges of the pandemic, it is an inescapable fact that people lower on the socioeconomic ladder are struggling more,” says psychologist David Sbarra.
The effects are compounded by racism
Those unequal effects extend all the way to who lives and who dies.
In fact, Black people are more likely to be infected, less likely to be tested and treated, and less likely to survive if they get COVID-19. According to Andrea King Collier in an article for Greater Good, a history of racism means the Black community is confronting the pandemic with worse health, less access to care, and more distrust of the medical system.
That means they have more reason to be fearful for their own lives, and they are more likely to experience loss. In fact, Pew research suggests that more than a quarter of Black Americans know someone who was hospitalized or died from COVID-19, compared to 1 in 10 white Americans.
These hardships worsened after the police killing of George Floyd, a Black man in Minnesota. His death catalyzed nationwide protests for racial justice—but at the same time, many observers say, it made the pandemic even harder for many Black Americans.
“Black people have been hit on all sides with the threat of loss of life,” saysRiana Anderson, assistant professor at the University of Michigan’s School of Public Health. “It is exhausting. Depleting. Depressing. And absolutely an additional stressor.” She argues that family and community support is a strength of the Black community, but physical distancing restrictions have made it more difficult to access that power.
Other people of color are suffering disproportionally under the pandemic, too. Nearly one-fifth of Latino adults were experiencing serious psychological distress in April 2020; the CDC estimates that Latinos make up over half of the U.S. agricultural workforce, a group of essential workers whose jobs put them at greater risk of infection. Discrimination against Asians has risen since the pandemic started in Wuhan, China.
YOUR WORK SITUATION MATTERS
One of the biggest disruptions to our daily lives today is how the pandemic has affected our work.
Doctors, nurses, and paramedics are taking on the urgent task of caring for COVID-19 patients, while other essential workers are putting themselves at risk to sell food, deliver mail, and pick up trash. Many office jobs have transitioned to remote work, asking employees to isolate at home, with many precariously juggling work and care for children or elders.
Other people have been unable to continue work during the pandemic, waiting for the time when they’ll be called back, while some have been laid off entirely. Unemployment in the U.S. more than quadrupled from February to April, leveling off in July at 10 percent.
A Chinese survey in mid-February examined some of these work situations, though not all. What was clear is that people who are unable to work temporarily—even if they don’t get laid off—have worse mental health. And while working in an office might seem risky, it was the people working from home who were actually more distressed and less satisfied with their lives.
Caring for yourself and others
There’s a lot we don’t have control over in this situation, which is stressful in and of itself. You may have some of the risk factors mentioned above, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
But what can you control? That’s the first question to ask.
For example, research from 28 countries conducted in mid-March found that the more people used social media, the more fearful they were. Frequent social media users in China were more likely to feel both depressed and anxious at the same time. Part of the reason may be because, particularly when the pandemic was ramping up, it was the main topic of discussion online. If being on Facebook doesn’t feel good, consider putting limits on social media time.
Does that mean ignorance is bliss? No. Finding the right sources of information is key. In fact, Chinese people who were highly satisfied with the health information they got about COVID-19 tended to have lower stress, anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Being informed helps reduce uncertainty and anxiety—but overloading ourselves with information can also be unsettling. Online or offline, reading news or imagining worst-case scenarios with family, the people who spent three or more hours a day focusing on COVID-19 were more anxious.
Besides taking breaks from news and social media, practicing basic safety and hygiene could go a long way for your mental health. In Chinese studies in January and February, people who engaged in proper hand washing, wore masks, and avoided sharing utensils tended to experience less depression, anxiety, stress, and PTSD.
Since March, Greater Good has been sharing tips for well-being during COVID-19. For the most part, these are nothing new. In normal life and in a pandemic, we fare better when we try to stay connected in our relationships, cope with stress in healthy ways, and find a sense of agency.
But we can’t self-improve our way out of the pain and difficulty. What we’re going through right now is a trauma, or at least a major stressor on a global scale. This is one of those times when life really is harder by a little bit or a lot, depending on your situation. Feeling bad is part of being human—and right now, that’s something many of us need to face, even as we work to feel better, stay connected, and help others.
FACT:
There are no quick fixes
FACT:
Science
literally is happening in real time
with no time for
hypothesis
trials or errors
findings
evidence based data
r e s u l t s
FACT:
It’s a blend of our
HEART AND HEAD
that’ll give us
the best of what we
FEEL
and
THINK
to not just
survive
rise above
endure
sustain
but actually revive what COVID-19
can’t infect
THE HUMAN SPIRIT
How’s that for some
REAL-TIME
MENTAL CALESTHENICS
?
EXTREME VERKLEMPTNESS
The COVID-19 Pandemic
has brought many different changes
to the entire world
and out of all of the signs and symptoms
that have been identified in actually having this dreaded virus
I’m not so sure that
EXTREME VERKLEMPTNESS
isn’t one of the
unidentified
unspoken
o n e s. . .
On July 12, Kelly Preston
the Co-star in
FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME
died
after a courageous two year battle of breast cancer. . .
In 1999 she joined Kevin Costner
in making this movie
. . .NO, NO,
it wasn’t up for any awards or honors
and it might have long been forgotten by this time
if she hadn’t recently died and it started being shown again on
HBO and other cable outlets
to honor her;
the premise of the film
is kind of flimsy
in that Kevin Costner’s character of
Billy Chapel
a so-so pitcher
throws the game of his life,
A No-Hitter
against the famed Yankees
fulfilling his
FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME
legacy
and what should have been the greatest night of his life
w a s n ‘ t
because he painfully discovered
it wasn’t a
game
therapy
intervention
pharmaceutical
scientific discovery
medical advancement
B U T
RELATIONSHIPS THAT HEAL US
. . .hence,
EXTREME VERKLEMPTNESS
which begs the
simple
somewhat evasive question of the Soul:
What’s a celebration with no one to share it?
Well. . . ?
What puts the tear in your eye
and more,
WHO HELPS DRY IT?
A COMMERCIAL BREAK
Are you in need of a Commercial Break. . .
We all seem to be scrambling for
THAT
Remote Control
(not of our TV’s)
of our lives
that’ll not fast forward us through the Commercial
to get back to our regular program
but actually
S T O P
The Regular Scheduled Program
to literally give us a much needed
b r e a k
and show us
give us
not what we need to buy
b u t
WHAT WE NEED TO HAVE
(and no, it’s not a Dodge Ram Truck)
After all of the
C L O C K S
have Ticked their
T O C K S
what we need is more than a program
or a commercial can promise or give
but just the same
the seeds to our fertile fields
can be found there
in the middle of both
on our
EIGHTH DAY. . .
. . .so before your HOUR GLASS
goes Sandless
c o n s i d e r
maybe not so much how you’d spend your
E I G H T H DAY
as how you’d
INVEST IT
Just don’t put that in
Your Field
and Plant it
. . .Harvest it
and take it to
MARKET
for the Farmer in all of us
. . .it just could be
The Commercial Break
needed from this
not-so-great-regular-program
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