The Caring Catalyst

Who Cares - What Matters

M A D E U P

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Last week my granddaughter,

Stella

was so impressed with the YouTube video above

that she had to show it to me.

Is it the best YouTube video ever shown?

Is it Flawless?

Is it too long?

Does it

S       P       E       A       K

to  you?

What does it

S          H          O          U          T

what does it

w h i s p e r ?

Maybe the easiest question to ever answer

is also one of the most difficult to ever ask:

ARE     YOU     MADE     UP ?

What burns

What Scars

What Imperfections

What Flaws

What Defect

What Imperfectedness

What Blemish

are you covering?

Psssssssssst:

Most of the things we cover up

are way more than

s k i n     d e e p

M O S T

never have the eyes to see the mar

of others

that they can’t miss

in themselves

The Cure?

It’s not make up

It’s not Creams

It’s not Masks

It’s not Plastic Surgery

It’s not Corrective Eye Surgery

It’s

A     C     C     E     P     T     A     N     C     E

A  strong dose of  Acceptance

It’s well documented

and known

that caring for ourselves is

key to caring

for others.

GET PAST  THE  REFLECTION

the  LOOKING  GLASS

Mirror,

Mirror,

OFF     THE     WALL

What’s   Inside

Reflects

It

A   L   L

Hmmmmmmmmm  of  the  DAY:

That  ain’t    MADE    UP 

In fact,

It may be the Greatest

I      N      D      E      P      E      N      D      E      N      C      E              D      A      Y

you’ll ever celebrate!

Your Graduation Speech

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https://youtu.be/yupEq8Slb3s

The News isn’t good,

Class of 2016

The Word is

You won’t have five jobs.     .     .

You’ll have  S I X   Careers;

The Word is

Only 27% of you will actually get a job related to your major;

The Word is

You will greatly enhance and most likely increase very quickly the 43% of Americans who have significant debt due to your student loans and quickly adding up credit cards;

The Word is

n     o     t          g     o     o     d

Well.   .   .

Speaking of

 W  O  R  D  S

Do  you  remember?

Do you remember the any single word or cleverly arranged phrases at your Graduation?

What’s the most memorable graduation speech you’ve ever heard?

One that happened whenever you graduated?

One from when one of your children or grandchildren graduated?

From a Movie?

One you’ve given yourself for any one of the ga-zillion

G    R    A    D    U    A    T    I    O    N    S

you’ve experienced in your personal life

from job to job

relationship to relationship

health to illness

year to year

life phase to life phase

life lesson to life lesson

life to life’s many different slow deaths

You’ve given the greatest Graduation Speeches the World has ever known

most of all without speaking one audible word.

S     E     L     F  —  T     A     L     K

will do that for you

without a syllable ever being uttered.

Do they match Robin Williams

from his movie
J     A     C     K  ?

No

They far exceed it

The most powerful words you’ve ever heard

aren’t those spoken to you during any Graduation Ceremony

but the ones you continually speak to yourself

because they’ll either have you

settling

or

exceeding

not the world’s expectations

or predictions

but the only ones that truly ever

c     o     u     n     t  :

Y          O          U          R            S

Congratulations

Class of 2016

Go out and conquer the World :

Y          O          U          R          S

Make your Life

S          P          E          C          T          A          C          U          L          A          R

Make   T  H  A  T

Your Life’s Work

and the World will never be the Same

Y          O          U          R        S

.         .          . O            U             R            S 

Drinking from the Saucer

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tea-overflowing-213x300

Have you ever done it before?

If you were at a Five-Star Restaurant and had just had a very expensive, satisfying dinner and the waitress, who has addressed your every whim and need, is now pouring your coffee to overflowing perfection so it’s a small moat in your saucer around your coffee cup.

Q   U   E   S   T   I   O   N :

Are you an    A P R I L     F O O L     enough

in front of all the guests,

enjoying dinner as you are,

going to    S  L  U  R  P    from your saucer?

Not even if it’s the best coffee ever,

Right?

Well, not many of us take notice

and might not readily admit it,

but the good stuff   I S   in the Saucer.    .    .

the Overflow is  always/ALL ways

where IT’S at.      .      .

Any Real   April Fool   knows that, don’t they?

A few weeks ago,

I conducted the small memorial service for Charles.

I never met him before.

He was a hospice patient in a group home near Santa Barbara, CA.

He was 92 and had been there most of his life,

but his life was never defined by that little fact.

Charles was an April Fool every month of the year.    .     .

Charles drank from the saucer,

u n a b a s h e d l y,   o f t e n,

with a smile on his face

and a pure, unadulterated happiness in his heart.

I learned that Charles had friends,

found true love,

traveled extensively,

had a job he took pride in,

and led a stress-free,

h   a   p   p   y           l   i   f   e !

Saucer slurping high living, huh?

The truest of  April Fools

S     e     r     i     o     u     s     l     y ,

if given the chance IN or OUT of a Group Home,

if at our last breath,

we could KNOW,

not hope,   wish,   dream.      .     .

K           N           O           W

that we had friends,

found true love,

traveled extensively,

had a job we took pride in,

and led a stress-free, happy life

—-S a u c e r – S i p p e r—–

Class   A   April Fool,

would you turn it down,

walk away?

Don’t feel bad.       .       .

M a n y    d o !

Pssssssssst:

D o n ‘ t      b e      M  A  N  Y !

Most don’t have the chance to drink fully from The Cup,

let alone the Saucer.     .     .

Most would turn down voluntarily being an

A P R I L      F O O L

any day of the year,

let alone on April 1

Look again.

There’s not only a Full Cup we have

but a Saucer for the Overflow

Hmmmmmm  of  the  Day:

Now Noticing would be one thing.

Drinking from them both. . .Quite another!

One. . .Two. . .Three:

S    L    U    R    P       Deeply

You April Fool

Get  Charles’d !

Your Tapestry

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photo                         

T  H  R  E  A  D  S.      .      .

Did you ever feel like the BACK of A TAPESTRY Before ?                                                 

It was a gift that was given to me.   .   .

A beautiful Tapestry/Needlepoint of the 23rd Psalm

that she had matted and framed.

When she gave it to me as a

‘Just Because I Was Thinking of You Gift,’

I knew exactly where it should hang in our house–

The  Hallway.

I didn’t search for a Wall Stud

and I certainly didn’t put in a Wall Anchor.  .  .

I just eyed it up and put in a nail

and hung the framed piece of art.

I have no idea why a picture like that has a tendency of falling down at 3:30 A M instead of 3;30 P M,

but that’s exactly what happened.

 I  knew  it  wasn’t  an  intruder–

I knew what it was and when I went to the hallway,

there it was,

Face  Down,

amongst the many shards of glass and busted hunks of frame scattered across the floor.

It’s not a huge surprise, but

There’s  a   D I S T I N C T   reason why you don’t hang the Back of a tapestry facing out–

It’s   U g l y:

Loose ends,

dangling strings,

jumbled,

tumbled up knots.

 Kind of hit me that in many ways.   .   .

We’re a lot like the back of a needlepoint/tapestry

with all of those loose ends,

dangling strings that seemingly has no purpose or meaning

until you look at the front of it.     .     .

but with our personal Tapestries,

we seldom get a quick glance let alone a full fledged look.

Go ahead.     .     .

look Closely at the back of your Tapestry.

Among those multi-colored threads

you might well find a few

g  o  l  d  e  n        s  t  r  a  n  d  s

where some special Ones

have undeniably interwoven themselves into the very

Fabric of your Tapestry…

N     O     T     I     C     I     N     G

that.     .     .well.     .     .

it just might give what others would call

a complete mess of threads,

a very intricate interpretation of not only who you are. . .

but continually Becoming.

Threads.       .       .

Did you ever feel like the back of a Tapestry Before?  

Psssssssssssst:

Look…Again!

S H A M M E R S

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IMG_0580

Does the REAL

T H E     R E A L L Y     R E A L      Y O U

ever stand up?

I  BELIEVE

are absolutely powerful words.

I  BELIEVE .     .     .

I believe that there’s no one that writes a better blog, that speaks a more powerful message, that brings a more awesome presentation–EVER–than me.  .  .

I   BELIEVE

I believe it with all of my heart

but.     .     .

I       K N O W       IT’S      NOT       TRUE

Ahhhhhhh. . .the Classic Case of the Impostor Syndrome.  .  .

It’s an old term.   .  . 1978

coined by a clinical psychologists

Dr. Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes.

The Impostor Syndrome refers to a high-achieving individual marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a 

wait for it

wait for it

wait for it

.          .          . a   fraud.

Pauline and Suzanne both surmised that despite external evidence of their competence, those exhibiting  the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved.  Proof of success is dismissed as success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be.  .  .  .

Marianne Williamson assures,

“We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?                                   ACTUALLY, WHO ARE YOU NOT TO BE?

The Impostor Syndrome

is, if not universal. . .pervasive.

I remember reading once that the great Nobel Laureate, Maya Angelou once said,

“I have written eleven books, but each time I think ‘uh-oh, they’re going to find out now.  I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out'”

I often feel the same right before a presentation or a workshop I’m presenting

or every Sunday morning as I stand before a congregation

or a grieving family as I conduct a loved one’s memorial service

or when I look in the mirror 

and know the real truth.  .  .  .

Does the Real you

T H E    R E A L L Y    R E A L    Y O U

ever stand up.  .  .  ?

Uhhhhhhhhh. . .

Would  You  Recognized   Y O U

if   you   did ?

Pssssssssst.  .  .

B     L      I      N     K

and look again.       .       .

and do what you’ve been doing all of your life

looking the  I M P O S T O R

right in the eye and spitting in it

as you go on living on in spite of the

haunting   S H A M M E R !

The Hardest Compassion

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images-1

 

“YOU BIG JERK. . .”

“YOU SUCK. . .”

“YOU STINK. . .”

“What an Idiot. . .”

“U N B E L I E V A B L E. . .”

You ever utter or literally SCREAM out those words to

Y O U R S E L F

and mean it more than any other words you’ve ever mouthed off?

We go to sleep with the enemy every night. . .

And rarely ever wake up fully satisfied with the awesome wonder of WHO WE ARE!

Those old words come back to hack away at our very essence more than we realize or admit:

“WE HAVE MET THE ENEMY AND IT IS US!”

Sadly it’s more than often:

I HAVE MET THE ENEMY AND IT IS ME.

I was SHOCKED when I read a recent article from A POINT OF VIEW of the BBC that 99% of those with Down Syndrome say they are happy with their lives.

CAN. . .

DO. . .

ARE YOU HAPPY with YOUR LIFE

Right here,

Right now,

The way it is?

It’s true, isn’t it?

We’re not happy with Our Shapes, Our Likes, Our Dis-likes, Our hair, Our faces, Our Clothes, Our Jobs, Our kids/grandkids, Our Cars, Our homes, Our bank accounts, Our Retirement Funds, Our state of health,
OUR__________, OUR__________, OUR__________, OUR__________, OUR__________, OUR__________, OUR__________

Seriously–when’s the last time you gave yourself a break?

When’s the last time you didn’t bad mouth YOU?

When’s the last time you were nice to yourself?

When’s the last time you gave yourself a HUG?

When’s the last time you were your own Best Friend?

I’m not so sure I want you as a NEIGHBOR the way I’ve seen you love yourself. . . .

Out of all the lack of Compassion in the World, maybe the greatest lack is the GENUINE Compassion you actually show yourself?

It’s true.

I am the biggest jerk I’ve ever met.

I am the biggest hypocrite there ever was.

I am the stupidest, most inconsiderate, selfish person that walks the streets.

I    A M. . .

Heartbeats guarantee those moments, those thoughts, those FICTIONS!

Pssssst: Write yourself a letter–LITERALLY!
What would a compassionate friend say to me right now–write it, send it, RECEIVE IT!

Pssssst: Write your self-criticisms down.

A S K:

Would I ever, even on my worst, meanest day, ever say these words to a friend?

What would a friend tell me right now?

Pssssst: Write yourself a little Mantra:

“I’m not perfect and neither is the moment–but it’s JUST A MOMENT and I’ll be here after it like I was before it–GOOD! I WILL BE KIND, FIRST TO MYSELF SO I CAN BE COMPASSIONATE TO OTHERS!

There. . .that wasn’t so bad, was it?

The hardest kind of Compassion to dole out is to yourself.

We go to sleep with the enemy every night. . .

It’s time to

WAKE UP!

You don’t have to hit the SNOOZE BUTTON or pull the blankets high over your head. The World has some tremendous needs, that yes, only the Unbelievable, Stupid, Idiot, Jerk YOU can meet, can actually
handle. . .

Bring your Flawed self to this Flawed World

You’ll be totally amazed just how perfectly the imperfect pieces fit together like they wouldn’t/couldn’t if they were, in fact, PERFECT!

B  R  I  N  G      I  T. . . .

BULLY

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Sometimes. . .

The Bully gets

B     U     L     L     I     E     D

Most of the time, we’d stand up and cheer when we actually see or hear of this happening.

It is, actually, what makes this video so viral. . .

WE   LOVE    CHEERING     FOR    THE    BULLIED. . .

The Underdog.

Here might be the question of the year. . .maybe even the decade. . .maybe this Century and

CENTURIES PAST:

What if the BULLY  and the BULLIED

are one and the same. . .

What if

The Bully and the Bullied are actually

Y          O          U   ?

The worst Bully you might ever encounter is the one that stares you down in the mirror

. . .there just might not be any more of a Brutal Bully.

I’m Fat. . .

I’m a Loser. . .

I’m Lazy. . .

I suck. . .

I’ll never get this right. . .

I’m not meant to be in a relationship. . .

I’ll never kick this habit. . .

I_________________________________. . . .

Whatever you believe about negative Self-Talk

YOU  BETTER  NOT  BELIEVE  THAT  IT’s  JUST  IN  YOUR  HEAD !

The Research shows that  HAPPY  people have a way. . .a habit. . .of putting bad days behind them and LEAVING them there. . .

or

Head-butting the over matched, huge, big, bad Bully and not only standing up against that Bully

but actually

BACKING IT DOWN

Knock  THAT  TRAIN  off it’s tracks.

We all do Self-Talk

We all do  NEGATIVE  Self -Talk

We all have the capability of doing  POSITIVE  Self-Talk

HOW?

Three Words:

C     O     N     F     I     D     A     N     T

S     M     A     R     T

E     F     F     E     C     T     I     V     E

Go ahead, Bullied,

Test it out. . .

The next time the Bully starts the trashing of  YOU

Get  YOUR BULLY  on

See YOURSELF as Bullying the bully by being

Confident. . .Smart. . .Effective.

Hmmmmmmm of the The Day:

I bet that’ll get your Goat!

The Valentine’s Day THAT Wasn’t

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He was a kid in 7th grade who really didn’t like himself.

He couldn’t look in the mirror and NOT see something wrong with

His hair–too unCOMBly and wild

His Ears–too big

His Eyes–too green

His Nose–UnSHAPELY

His skin–Blemished

His body–Gawky

He couldn’t look in the mirror and NOT see something wrong with himself.

He even hated his name even though it came from his grandfather, but the way his teachers and sometimes, parents, used it, uhhhhh, NO!

He hated himself and worse. . .

[Read more…]

Reaching Back

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He’s no Robert Frost, but it’s still one of my favorite poems by James Kavanaugh:

LITTLE BOY I MISS YOU

Little boy, I miss you with your sudden smile and
Your ignorance of pain
You walked in life and devoured it–without anything
But misty goals to keep you company.
Your heart beat mightily when you chased frogs
And captured one too big for a single hand
You wandered with friends in quiet woods and were
Startled by a shuffling porcupine
Matches were a mystery that lighted fires and
Chewed up leaves in savage hunger.
There was no time for meaning–a marshmallow gave it
On a sharpened stick
A jackknife in your pocket provided comfort when your
Friends were gone
A flower in the woods hidden by an aging
Shriveled log
A dog who danced and licked at your fingers and
Chewed your jeans
A game of football you didn’t expect
A glass of cider, a cricket’s cry.
When did you lose your eyes and ears, when did taste
Buds cease to tremble;
Whence this sullenness, this mounting fear, this quarrel
With life–demanding meaning?
The maddening search is leisure’s bonus–the
Pain that forbids you be a boy!

When was the last time?

When was the last time that you reached back?

That you RE-MEMBERED–actually found a couple of forgotten or not-so-intentionally displaced memories that actually made Your Life, YOUR LIFE?

It happens in not so expecting moments, doesn’t it?

A sip of a drink. . .

A taste of a food. . .

A smell of a fragrance. . .

A sound–crunching leaves beneath your feet. . .tires on a gravel road. . .fish splashing on a glass-smooth pond or gently running stream. . .a song. . .

And then. . .then you’re THERE. . .

with the realization that you…YOU WERE A THEN and a NOW and hopefully a WILL-BE. . . .

Little boy I miss you. . .

WHEN…WHEN DID YOU LOSE YOUR EYES AND EARS, WEHN DID TASTE BUDS CEASE TO TREMBLE. . .?

Go ahead–Reach back–IT wants to be F E L T

as much as you want to Touch.

Go ahead (RE)Introduce yourself to YOU. . . .

LIVE IT ALL OVER AGAIN–

Even more so–Better!

Perfectly Imperfect

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Are you Perfect?

I am.

Pristine. Unadulterated. Pure. Faultless–ME!

Perfectly IMPERFECT!

You?

The Teacher Knows.

The story goes, not so Once-Upon-A-Time, but currently, when a Rabbi, The Teacher, prayed daily that God would make a perfect world in which there would never be any hatred, jealously, pain or problems.

Well, wouldn’t you know, one night, God appeared to the Rabbi, The Teacher in a dream and took him on a wonderful tour of any absolutely, magnificently uncorruptable World.

P E R F E C T

The Rabbi, The Teacher, saw his house, his synagogue, his little town. Lions and lambs were actually laying down together.

P E A C E F U L

Still, this Rabbi, The Teacher was troubled. Something, something was terribly absent…MISSING!

“Where am in in this Perfect World,” the Rabbi, The Teacher asked, wanted…needed to know?

God offered the most apologetic answer, ever: “This is a perfect world you requested. You must understand that you are NOT PERFECT, so you cannot be included.”

We are NEVER just one thing in Life, are we?

We are all so very PLURAL and never so SINGULAR.

But one thing, one thing through all of these Personas, through all these changes, through all our ages, our comings/goings, stayings/leavings, pasts/presents/futures remains the same, doesn’t it?

We–everyone one of us–are undeniably, immaculately, impeccably, PERFECTLY IMPERFECT.

It helps, doesn’t it, with the WHY’S, the HOW-COME’S, the WHAT-FOR’S?

Expecting the world, this world of August 20, 2014 to treat us fairly because we are nice, caring, compassionate, PERFECTLY IMPERFECT People is like expecting a Bull not to gore us just because we are vegetarians.

Are you Perfect?

I am.

So are you.

We, we are PERFECTLY IMPERFECT.

Professional Speaker, Author, Assurance Man