https://youtu.be/SQuyCc1Cuac
So just what is in your
L U N C H B O X. . .
Maybe the bigger question is:
just
what
are
you
w i l l i n g
t o
s h a r e. . .
and the greatest question yet:
A R E Y O U ?
EMPATHETIC-ED
Have you?
Have you ever been EMPATHETIC-ED?
I mean. . .
the The New York Times. . .T W I C E in the Sunday, July 12, 2015 edition (See at the Bottom of the Blog)
Stewart Butterfield’s article,
IS YOUR EMPATHY ON YOUR RESUME?
actually states:
“If you have no ability to empathize, then it’s difficult to give people feedback, and it’s difficult to help people improve. Everything becomes harder.”
Daryl Cameron’s article: EMPATHY IS ACTUALLY A CHOICE, reports:
“It’s not that you can’t feel it. You just don’t want to.”
Something like
e m p a t h y
should never come down to
S c i e n c e,
but what could actually offer more proof?
Decades of research, including behavioral studies, in which people act empathically in controlled situations, even when it’s in their self-interest not to,
and in MRI studies,
in which emotive brain structures activate when the subject hears about another person’s experience.
Let’s face it, it it weren’t for
E M P A T H Y
Authors and Hollywood would be out of business
. . .F O R E V E R
But. . .it doesn’t matter, does it?
BEHAVIORAL SCIENCE
tells us, there are mental disorders, such as sociopathy, that stops people from being able to feel empathy.
BUT. . .
most people aren’t sociopaths.
Some research suggests that 4% of the population is sociopathic. . .
I’m terrible at Math. . .
but even I know that would obviously mean 96% of all humans feel empathy. . .
a pretty large number, huh?
What. . .
what does it matter?
If you’ve truly been
E M P A T H E T I C – E D
It means you care in return. . .
or you fake it. . .
or. . .
you can’t feel it all. . . .
referrer=http://mobile.nytimes.com/2015/07/12/opinion/sunday/empathy-is-actually-a-choice.html?referrer=
When Humility Dials a Phone
Sometimes it happens to
M E. . .
Y o u ?
Sometimes my inner and outer
Caring Catalyst
gets scabbed over
o k. . .
C A L L O U S E D
and then it gets
s o f t e n e d
with the
s i m p l e s t
the most
s i g n i f i c a n t
things:
A mere phone call. . .
I hadn’t heard from him in a long time–
y e a r s
We had been colleagues
but never close
and never social. . .
we might have seen each other across the room
at a conference or a luncheon presentation
but neither would make a move to meet
in the middle. . .
an acquaintance
nothing more
maybe even
l e s s
and then
I had heard recently after giving a presentation
at a local hospital
that he had suffered a severe stroke. . .
I think I reached out
benignly
via a FaceBook Instant Message
that I was thinking of him and wishing him the best
and then. . .
h o n e s t l y
I f o r g o t a b o u t him. . .
When the cell phone rang
I didn’t recognize the number
but I broke my rule of answering a
number I didn’t recognize
and it was him. . .
He quickly identified himself
and even before I could say
h e l l o
or ask him how he was doing
he was apologizing. . .
asking forgiveness for
not keeping in touch
talking about me behind my back
not being supportive when he knew I had been going through a particularly tough professional situation. . .
and then through broken sobs
he was asking if I and everyone I knew
could pray for his healing—
not his complete healing from the stroke,
just a partial healing that would allow him to play his music
on the piano and guitar
he often did for patients and families
and with a jazz group he would jam with
on Friday nights. . .
the scab gave loose. . .
the callous
s o f t e n d
Sometimes it happens to me. . .
y o u ?
Sometimes my inner and outer
Caring Catalyst
gets scabbed
ok. . .
C A L L O U S E D;
Has that happened to you?
When was the last time?
Me?
It happened when
Humility Dialed A Phone
and
I
a n s w e r e d
the scab gave loose
the callous–
softened. . .
Me. . . ?
h u m b l y
c h a n g e d
The Happiness BEAST
S i m p l e Q u e s t i o n:
W H A T M A K E S Y O U H A P P Y ?
A good Cigar
Some fine music
Adult Beverage
A Book
A Beautiful Outside Setting
? ? ? ? ?
Not for everyone, huh?
Is there that overwhelming
100%
slam-dunk
one-size-fits-and-pleases-all
solution to
W O R L D
or
p e r s o n a l
H A P P I N E S S
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. . .
the answer might not
uhhhh make yoiu
h a p p y. . .
Maybe it’s just being overemphasized;
Did you know that
H A P P I N E S S
has it’s own it’s own
h o l i d a y ?
Just a few years ago
The General Assembly of the United Nations
proclaimed MARCH 20
to the be the
International Day of Happiness. . .
Oops. . .
I missed it;
I didn’t celebrate. . .
But it is easy to see why
H A P P I N E S S
is worth celebrating:
Happy people are healthier;
they get sick less often
THEY LIVE L O N G E R
Happy people have better realtionships
more friends
make more money
are more productive at work. . .
Based on decades of research
it’s become very clear
that Happiness is not just a personal issue;
it’s a matter of public health,
global economics
and natural well being
B U T
it’s subjective, isn’t it?
THE GREATER GOOD SCIENCE CENTER
(Yes, it really does exist–Google it)
They simply recommend through
S C I E N T I F I C S T U D Y
ACKNOWLEDGE THE GOOD
(WRITE DOWN 3 THINGS A DAY YOU ARE GRATEFUL )
ADD HAPPINESS THROUGH SUBTRACTION
(GIVE IT UP PRACTICE–GIVE UP WHAT YOU REALLY LIKE JUST FOR A LITTLE BIT OF TIME SO YOU CAN APPRECIATE IT EVEN ALL THE MORE)
FIND MEANING AND PURPOSE
(TAKE PICTURES OF PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT ARE MEANINGFUL TO YOU AND LITERALLY JOURNAL FOR 15 MINUTES A DAY JUST ABOUT YOUR IDEAL FUTURE AND WHAT IT WOULD LOOK LIKE)
USE YOUR STRENGTH
(PICK ONE OF YOUR STRENGTHS AND USE IT EXCLUSIVELY IN A NEW AND DIFFERENT WAY FOR A WEEK AND THEN ANOTHER AND THEN ANOTHER. . . )
CONNECT WITH OTHERS
(JUST DO FIVE RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS A DAY–NOT OVER A WEEK, BUT A DAY FOR A WEEK; STUDIES SHOUT THAT WHEN YOU DO–GIVE–IT SIGNIFICANTLY MAKES YOU HAPPIER)
WHAT REALLY MAKES YOU HAPPY ?
It’s different for everyone
T H A N K F U L L Y
QUICK ANSWER:
WHATEVER FEEDS YOUR SOUL
but you’ve got to
ACTUALLY FEED YOUR SOUL
it won’t happen
through osmosis
IF HAPPINESS IS A TRAIN
YOU DON’T HAVE TO RIDE THE CABOOSE
OR JUST BE A PASSENGER
WATING TO GO TO THE DINING CAR
ENGINEER THAT TRAIN
AND TOOT-TOOT YOURSELF DOWN THE TRACK
NOT TO HAPPINESS
BUT TO YOUR
S E V E N T H H E A V E N
SEE YOU AT THE STATION!
CHOOO-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
When Generosity is More than a W O R D
Do you have one?
Do you remember a time when you actually saw an
A C T O F G E N E R O S I T Y ?
Erin, my wife, gave this Parka from Alaska via a Thrift store, right off her back on a cold winter day when she saw someone she recognized, who rode his bike everyday from his house to a local coffee shop, now in a cold snow storm, without a coat.
A friend, Terry, did the same thing a few years ago. A group of us from Church made sandwiches, bought gloves to literally pass out to the homeless on a cold, Sunday afternoon. We literally had given everything we came downtown to give and there was one, cold gentleman who got there late and asked if there was anything left; the sandwiches, gloves, hats had all been distributed, but Terry literally took off her coat and sweatshirt and gave it to the man.
I just heard about a guy on an airplane who actually tipped the Flight Attendant a $100.00 for the amazing job she did serving during the flight.
He was standing at a Stop Light in front of a Strip Mall with a Panera Bread. As I came up to the light he was standing there just holding a sign. . .no bucket or anything to collect money. He wasn’t aggressive. . .just standing there holding a sign I’ve never seen anyone E V E R hold before:
S E E K I N G H U M A N K I N D N E S S
I rolled down the window and for the first time in my life,
gave a $10 d o l l a r b i l l
and the meal we had just bought. . .
I never knew that such an offering could buy such an expression on someone’s face;
Do you have one?
Do you remember a time when you actually saw an
A C T O F G E N E R O S I T Y ?
There is no way to ever measure,
is there,
the exact effect it had on the
O N E
who actually received such an act of generosity–
F O R G E T T H A T
Having witnessed an Act of Generosity…
WHAT EFFECT DID IT HAVE ON YOU?
Has it worn off?
Did it inspire you to
GO AND DO LIKEWISE ?
G e n e r o u s A C T S
will do that…
so do the TELLING
so do the HEARING
of such acts. . . .
DO TELL
S H A R E
so that WE will not only get the benefit. . .
but be inspired to make our own
Stories of Generosity
to be witnessed
to tell
to be told
to experience
to inspire yet even more
to tell
to be told
to experience
to inspire
to make
G E N E R O S I T Y
more than just a mere
WORD. . .
DO TELL
S H A R E
What’s
Y O U R S T O R Y ?
A Better Place
Are you in a
B E T T E R P L A C E
because of
S O M E O N E
literally
created it
and put
you
in the
heart of
T H A T
v e r y
B E T T E R P L A C E
Maybe the biggest question:
Are you the
s o l e
r e a s o n
S O M E O N E
is
in
a
b e t t e r p l a c e ?
I’ll tell the world, I’ll sing a song,
It’s a better place since you came along
Your touch is sunlight
through the trees
Your kisses are the ocean breeze
Everything’s alright when you’re with me
And I hold my favorite thing
I hold the love that you bring
But it feels like I’ve opened my eyes again
And the colors are golden and bright again
There’s a song in my heart, I feel like I belong
It’s a better place since you came along
I see the whole world in your eyes
It’s like I’ve known you all my life
We just feel so right
So I pour my heart into your hands
It’s like you really understand
You love the way I am. . .
Maybe if we were to sit across from
e a c h ‘ s
o t h e r
and do nothing
n o t o n e t h i n g
but just look
into one another’s
e y e s
we’d not just see
those we love
d i f f e r e n t l y. . .
I M A G I N E
if we were to sit
across from those
who have
hurt us
disappointed us
mocked us
disrespected us
intentionally went out of their ways
to feel each of those things
in utterly devastating ways
countless times
o v e r
would it be the same kind of
lyric
or even more
l i f e
c h a n g i n g ?
Dare to find out. . .
u n b l i n k i n g l y ?
Your Compassion Fingerprint
WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME ?
It’s a question asked by many. . .
by me. . .
by you. . .
b y u s.
It’s really asked when it comes to
being kind,
being compassionate,
not o n c e,
but time and again and again,
over and over.
HOW MANY TIMES IS ENOUGH?
WHEN’S IT OUR TURN?
WHY NOT US?
All good questions,
but can we just take a deep breath,
no. . .
go ahead and take three deep breaths in a row,
holding each one for about five seconds
and then letting them all the way out real slowly. . .
P A U S E
And reframe the Questions
to just one single
o n e:
W h y P r a c t i c e C o m p a s s i o n ?
The scientific research is really starting to pile up
and it all dramatically points to what you might have felt
but now can fully experience.
The benefits of being
C o m p a s s i o n a t e,
literally,
can improve your health,
well-being,
and relationships,
both your intimate,
close ones as well the fringe friendships. . .
Many scientists are even telling us that Compassion may even be vital to the survival of our species and through actual dedicated, intentional practice, these benefits can literally be
off the charts !
The Compassion Research is telling us:
- Compassion makes us feel good: a compassionate act activates pleasure circuits in the brain.
- Being Compassionate–tuning in to other people in a kind and loving ways can actually reduce the risk of heart disease by boosting the positive effects of the Vargus Nerve, which helps to slow our heart rate.
- Brain scans during loving-kindness meditation, which directs compassion toward suffering, suggest that, on average, compassionate people’s minds wander less about what’s gone wrong in their lives or what might go wrong in the future, making them happier.
- Brain scans also show that when people experience compassion, their brains activate in neural systems to support parental nurturance–they become better parents.
- Compassion helps make people better spouses; they’re more optimistic and supportive when communicating with others.
- Compassion helps make better friends.
- Employees who receive more compassion in their workplace see themselves, their co-workers, and their organization in a more positive light, report feeling more positive emotions like joy and contentment, and are more committed to their jobs.
- Compassionate people are more socially adept, making them less vulnerable to loneliness; loneliness has been shown to cause stress and hare the immune system.
So. . .
WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?
Hmmmmmmmmmm. . .
it seems,
not one thing. . .
It’s m a n y things!
Pssssssssssssssssst:
N E V E R T R U S T T H E S C I E N C E !
Use yourself as your own private lab experiment. . .
Test it for yourself.
What have you got to lose?
Ummmmmmmmmmm:
Just being
L E S S C O M P A S S I O N A T E !
A True VICTOR
Are you a Victim
or a
V I C T O R ?
Or just a
Chuck,
Erin,
Sam,
Henry,
Danica,
Johnny,
Joe,
an Anybody. . .
Somebody. . .
Nobody. . . ?
About once a month we get free buffets at the Horseshoe Casino
Great Dinner. . .
but the
S E R V I C E
was way beyond ordinary;
V i c t o r
He seated us
and poured out ice teas
and then gave us some complimentary bottled waters. . .
He got real excited when he announced
that he had something very special for us,
and he even more excited
when he brought some special made appetizers. . .
did I mention that this was a b u f f e t
and not some Four-Star restaurant?
He brought us back fancy desserts
that weren’t up on the dessert tray. . .
He couldn’t be more accommodating and kind;
He got a little embarrassed
when I asked him about himself
and how long he had been working here at the casino. . .
He said he loved
w a i t i n g
on people
and that we had been great people to serve. . .
W O W
I was watching the other servers,
but no one was running around like Victor. . .
No one was giving
who they were serving
anything e x t r a. . .
I even saw a few roll their eyes
when someone had left them a less than satisfactory tip. . .
Victor was a most excellent
S E R V E R
A True Caring Catalyst
I gave him a huge tip that night. . .
He was very grateful and very surprised;
I told him that he was most excellent and he
m a d e
our night extra ordinary. . .
I have him a big tip
but he had given me a
t i p
much larger
and even more significant:
S E R V E P E O P L E
MORE THAN THE EXPECT OR DESERVE
WITHOUT ANY EXPECTATION OF ANYTHING IN RETURN
He made me ask a question
a r e a l q u e s t i o n:
Am I more of a
V i c t i m
or a
V I C T O R ?
Victor showed me that no matter what Color
No matter what your Race,
No matter what your Creed,
No matter what your Gender,
No matter what your political Persuasion,
You can still serve others by serving in the best way possible;
Victor showed me that it’s not about
doing for others as you would have them do unto you
so much as serving others as they would like
in a most perfect way. . .
Victor s h o w e d
that it’s not about giving people what they deserve,
it’s about just giving to others
j u s t b e c a u s e
Are you?
Are you more
A Victim
or
A V i c t o r?
Psssssssssssssst:
S H O W M E. . .
better still
S H O W O T H E R S
(lots of them)
o f t e n
Life ASSURANCE
This week is a very Holy week in the Judeo-Christian population that spans the World.
It always brings to surface the most interesting questions and debates but it always focuses on doing for others what you would want done for you. . .
for being
K I N D;
We spend literal billions of dollars
INSURING LIFE
but easily go in the
RED
when it comes to
ASSURING LIFE. . .
What’s in it for you?
Is it just Dollars and Cents?
A nicer Home?
Better furnishings?
Higher Education?
Prestigious Job?
Comfy Bank Account?
Healthy Check-Up’s?
W H A T ?
I mean, can we actually LIVE
off a Feel-Good Emotions?
Will merely witnessing HAPPINESS
make you HAPPY?
Will reaching UNDERSTANDING
make you HAPPY?
Will feeling Love
guarantee what no money or vast amounts of it
BUY?
WHAT IS IT YOU DESIRE MOST?
Sometimes. . .
It’s NOT the Ripple you cause,
but the one you
C A U S E T O B E C A U S E D
in others. . .
The one you might never know exists,
let alone ever having knowledge of I N D U C I N G. . .
Life INSURANCE
may never be used. . .
L I F E A S S U R A N C E
will never fail NOT being Utilized;
Hmmmmmmmmm of the Day:
LIFE ASSURANCE is something we’ll all be able to CASH in on. . .
It’s what’ll make a Holy Week,
H O L Y
even when it’s
N O T !
Now
THAT’S a POLICY
we all should invest in
L A S T W E E K. . .
To BE A Caring Catalyst
She’s had over 30 more Christmas’s than me, but she most likely won’t see another one
— h e r e —
with family and friends.
I asked her what her secret was
after she told me that she felt fortunate
for having had a long, blessed life:
K I N D N E S S
she whispered with a shine in her eye that hadn’t dimmed any.
Sometimes, I think the best research out there is that which comes from our own experiences and then,
well then,
we actually N O T I C E it.
My personal research over these past twenty p l u s years of bedside sitting
has taught me that people don’t expect
or want much towards the end of their lives. . .
J U S T A P E R S O N W H O:
Took time to sit with them
Was a good listener
Helped keep their pride and self-respect
Maintained Confidentiality
Was trustworthy, dependable, patient
Respected and championed their rights as a patient
Helped their family and them to maintain as much control as possible over the situation
Heard them and responded appropriately; laughed with them, cried with them
Accepted them totally, was not upset by their physical appearance or limitations
Was comfortable with herself or himself
Was comfortable with silence and with touching
Was aware of our own limitations
Was realistic about death
Could support them without having to give support
Was unbiased, non-judgmental
Would remain a friend to their family after they died
Could help them live until they died
Was Kind
No diplomas necessary
No special certifications
No ordinations
No money exchanged
No
Excuses!
It’s been said by many before and most likely never heard enough:
WHEN YOU HAVE A CHOICE OF BEING KIND OR RIGHT. . .
be kind
always
(all-ways)
. . .Discover what it really means to be a
C A R I N G C A T A L Y S T– W H O C A R E S
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