Henri Nouwen & Fred Rogers were friends, writing back & forth to one another over the years. Finding this out was such a joy for me, particularly given my love and appreciation for both men and their work.At one point, Fred sent Henri a particularly discouraging article that had been written about him and the ministry that Fred had with young children. Words like these, attacking Fred’s character and questioning his intentions, were deeply wounding to him, and given the propensity of his friend, Henri, to speak openly of human pain, suffering, and healing, I can only imagine that it would be have been altogether natural to seek comfort from him.
This is a part of Henri’s reply.
“I read the article you sent me and can very well understand how much that must have hurt you. It must be really painful to be confronted with a total misunderstanding of your mission and your spiritual intentions.It is these little persecutions within the church that hurt the most. I simply hope that you are not too surprised by them. They come and will keep coming precisely when you do something significant for the Kingdom. It has always struck me that the real pain comes often from the people from whom we expected real support. It was Jesus’ experience and the experience of all the great visionaries in the Church, and it continues to be the experience of many who are committed to Jesus.
I don’t think it makes much sense to argue with the writer of this article. He speaks from a very different plane and will not be open to your explanations. Some of the criticisms we simply have to suffer and see as invitations to enter deeper into the heart of Jesus. I won’t send you some of the reviews I get of my books, but some are not very different from the tone of this piece. So I certainly feel a unique solidarity with you.
Let us pray for each other, that we remain faithful and not become bitter and that we continue to return to the center where we can find the joy and peace that is not of this world.”
It’s beyond tough to be misunderstood or wrongfully attacked, but for what it’s worth I have always found when deeply wounded, especially by those you’d least expect it, the best words I’ve found the courage to share are NO WORDS AT ALL. . .and for one literally talks in his sleep, well. . .there’s no words for that either. . . .
SO IF IT’S EASIER SAID THAN DONE. . .MAKE IT HARDER TO SAY AND EASIER TO DO (KINDNESS)
. . .YOU’LL NEVER BE MISQUOTED!
MEN SUCK (and sometimes others, too)
G U I L T Y
You ever feel that
F E E L I N G. . .
Sometimes I feel so guilty
I need no
J u d g e
J u r y
E x e c u t i o n e r
I’m most perfect at all three
s i m u l t a n e o u s l y. . .
Do you believe
not once
but hundreds of times
I have actually stood before groups
and proudly declared:
There’s no one better than the ONE
standing before you right now;
NO ONE
who could give a better presentation that
M E. . .
I would say:
“I BELIEVE THAT WITH ALL OF MY HEART!”
. . .”but,”
“I K N O W IT’S NOT TRUE,
and that’s what makes you work to be even better. . .”
G U I L T Y
M E N S U C K
Maybe it’s because
I’m the biggest hypocrite I know
Maybe it’s because
I’ve been married and divorced
Maybe it’s because
I’ve been re-married now for 31+ years
Maybe it’s because
I’ve worked since 1994 in offices filled with women
but I’ve either
heard
seen
lived
experienced:
M E N S U C K
I get that an awful lot. . .
and yes. . .
the last time I checked,
I still kind of fit into that category
which has had me
putting my lips together very tightly
while opening my ears
Grand Canyon
w i d e l y. . .
The gift of an Open Ear
is the most valuable possession I can share. . .
And I try
not just to listen
I severely attempt to actually
h e a r
what a heart shouts
and a mouth can’t whisper. . .
“Well, he left me; he just up and left me after 8 years”
“How come he doesn’t listen, why doesn’t he hear what I say, or worse yet, if he does hear why doesn’t he acknowledge me?”
“Why is it always about sex; why does it always start there or always have something done to end there; why can’t we talk, really talk and listen and be intimate but cuddling or just holding hands without it always ending up THERE; don’t men know that the greatest sex act is just being held, being heard, being listened to?”
“Why’s the bottom line always about how much things cost and how he decides how money gets spent or saved?”
“Why am I never good enough for him; why does he feel the need to change me or at least live a certain lifestyle OR ELSE?”
“I can’t stand all of the lying.”
“He never really tells me how he feels and I’m a terrible mind-reader.”
T R U S T M E
What I have to offer
IS N O T
a d v i c e;
I am no Guru
I’m not a
Dr. Phil
Judge Judy
Joel Olsteen
Best-Selling Author on relationships. . .
I offer
simply. . .merely
what’s in each of us:
My Ears
My, o u r Ability
to Listen. . .
But are ears are useless
unless they’re actually attached to
our hearts. . .
There has to be a willingness
to not just listen
to not just hear
. . .but a heart
that lets Another know
they’ve been
Acknowledged
Recognized
Noticed
Accepted
Un-Judged
L O V E D
It’s about letting Another
not so much know
but actually FEEL:
Right now
Your Pain
is My Pain
Your Disappointment
Is My Disappointment
Your Tears
are My Tears
Your Heart
is My Heart
and they are
S H A R E D
never to be again
carried alone. . .
when T H A T is mutual
The Caring Catalyst
of me interweaves itself into
The Caring Catalyst of you
and WE
become a magnificent tapestry of colors
The brightest and darkest of hues
that SHOUTS
WE NO LONGER ARE HOLDING ON BY A THREAD
or a thick-never-to-be-severed-cable
but a tapestry
that serves a most magnificent safety net. . .
I remember a story that Henri Nouwen once told about the trapeze artists known as
THE FLYING RODLEIGHS
. . .he asked one of flyers the secret of trapeze artists
and one of the acrobats explained:
“The secret is that the flyer does nothing and the catcher does everything. When I fly to Joe (my catcher), I have simply to stretch out my arms and hands and wait for him to catch me and pull me safely over the apron. . .The worst thing a flyer can do is try to catch the catcher. I am not suppose to catch Joe. It’s Joe’s job to catch me. If I grabbed Joe’s wrists, I might break them, or he might break mine, and that would be the end for the both of us. A flyer must fly, and a catcher must catch, and the flyer must trust, with outstretched arms, that his catcher will be there for him.”
M E N S U C K
She said. . .
They said. . .
Yes. . .Yes, it’s true:
M E N S U C K
(and sometimes, others, too)
We all have the great capacity
to do just that sometimes
and actually make the worst
of the worst. . .
B U T
We have a great propensity
to be A Catcher
of One flying dangerously through the air
and bringing them not only to safety
but to an assurance
that can’t be found anywhere else than
through the intimacy
of a pure relationship . . .
Be That
B E T H A T
O f t e n
Now
And always
Every Next Time
A V A I L A B L E. . .
Your P R E S E N C E
doesn’t require your advice
just your v a l i d a t i o n. . .
G U I L T Y
I feel IT
from time to time
for not understanding
but hopefully never because of the lack of
WANTING TO