The Caring Catalyst

Who Cares - What Matters

R E M E M B E R i n g

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To the Living

I am Gone

To the Sorrowful

I’ll never return

To the Angry

I was cheated

To the Faithful

I’ve never left

I can’t be seen

but I can still hear

I can’t speak

but I can still listen

so the next time you stand on a shore gazing at a beautiful sea

or look upon flowers to admire their simplicity

R E M E M B E R     M E

in your heart

of the times we fought

the times we cried

the times we laughed

the times we loved

Because if you always think of me

I  WILL  HAVE  NEVER  GONE

When do words become more than words?

.      .      .when they become

a       c       t       i       o       n     s

DAVE & BUSTERS

in Westlake, Ohio

did just that

a couple of weeks ago.

Two of their employees have recently died.

T H E Y

sent condolences.

T H E Y

sent flowers.

T H E Y

bought two benches

with the individuals names and very special sentiments on them

and put them in a very nice garden area right in front of their entrance

T H E Y

invited the members of their families

and their employees to come to

A Celebration Service

in their honors

before work

to  REMEMBER

“Anytime we come together to remember, it’s never long enough. . . “

I began

“It could be around a holiday table

It could be outback at a family reunion

It could be on a sunny morning before work, like this

but anytime we come together to remember–

it’s never long enough.   .   .    .”

“.     .     .but you haven’t come here to remember, have you?  

You’ve come here to be powerfully reminded that you haven’t come here to begin

only continue the celebrations of these two lives

in your lives

for the rest of your lives.  .  .  .”

and then I asked one of the most powerful

ever hard to answer question

that could ever be asked at

any Celebration service:

“WHAT’S   YOUR  FAVORITE  STORY?”

And then the stories of these two lives,

i n t e r m i n g l i n g l y

and were told

RE-MEMBERED

Put back together again

one after another

intermixed with tears

and laughter

and smiles

I reminded them:

“IT’S    NOT   ONE   THING”

.     .     .that the cliche

A  PICTURE  IS  WORTH  A  THOUSAND  WORDS

is   a    l i e

a million, maybe, but not a mere 1000.

I reminded them:

“BUT   YOU   DON’T   NEED   A   PHOTOGRAPH,   DO   YOU ?

I just need to say their names.    .    .

and it’s not a moment

it’s not a memory

it’s not an event

or an occasion

it’s a cascade of all of those things

water falling down over them

shouting for their attention.

DAVE & BUSTER’S

made sure

to show these families and friends

that the only thing more powerful than memories

is the love that makes them

everything they were

everything they are

everything they will forever be

by bringing people together

and making ongoing

new  memories

in the names

of those

we came

to celebrate.  .   .

and what better way to do that?

What Else?

A  BRUNCH!

DAVE & BUSTER’S

are Caring Catalyst’s

Who Cares

What Matters

by showing as long as we think of

T   H  E  M

T   H  E  Y

are never gone

G L O R I O U S

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Sometimes you go to Church

without ever actually going

T     H     E     R     E

(and those are the most holy of times)

There are times when

You might feel aimless

And can’t see the places

Where you belong

But you will find that

There is a a purpose

It’s been there within you

All along

And when you’re near it

You can almost heart it

It’s like a symphony

Just keep listening

And pretty soon you’ll start

To figure out your part

Everyone plays a piece

And there are melodies

In each one of us

Ohhhhh it’s   G L O R I O U S

And you will know how

To let it ring out

As you discover

Who you are

Others around you

Will start to wake up

To the sounds that are

In their hearts

It’s so amazing

What we’re all creating

It’s like a Symphony

Just keep listening

And pretty soon you’ll start

To figure out your part

Everyone plays a piece

And there are melodies

in each one of us

Ohhhhh it’s  G L O R I O U S

And as you feel

The notes built

H I G H E R

You will see

It’s like a Symphony

Just keep listening

And pretty soon you’ll start

To figure out your part

Everyone plays a piece

And there are melodies

In each one of us

Ohhhhh it’s  G L O R I O U S

Sometimes you go to Church

without stepping into the front door

of even the most magnificent of

all sanctuaries.       .       .

on a brand new,

f   r  e  s  h

Monday Morning.          .          .

B E

T  H  A  T

S          A          N          C          T          U          A          R          Y

that simply

a  c  c  e  n  t  u  a  t  e  s 

another’s part

in the

s     y     m     p     h     o     n     y

and listen to how it

plays

inspires

motivates

new notes in you

that have yet to be

c     o     n     d     u     c     t     e     d

I  T ‘ S      

G     L     O     R     I     O     U     S

When You Can’t Feel, T O U C H

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Sometimes it happens. . .

THE   WELL

THE   HEALTHY

become the unhealthy.      .      .

the   U N – W e l l

.    .    .    .and it ain’t  pretty.

The Statistics aren’t all that promising and back up the UN-PRETTY-NESS of it all.     .     .

A recent study, finds that one quarter of all family caregivers of Alzheimer’s disease patients succumb to the stress of providing care to a loved one and often become hospital patients themselves.

Specifically, Indiana University researchers discovered that a quarter of family caregivers of Alzheimer’s dementia patients had at least one emergency room visit or hospitalization EVERY SIX MONTHS

Caregiving is not easy. . .even when you get paid the big bucks for it

Caregiving is not easy.      .        .even when it’s your Lifestyle,   and not just your profession

Caregiving is not easy.    .    .

even  when  it’s  absolutely  easy  from  time  to  time

The Murder/Suicide rate among senior adult couples is some  50% HIGHER  than younger adults

S H O C K I N G ?

Some  40%  of family members caring for a loved one with dementia suffer from signs of mental distress, according to a new study from the Canadian Institute for Health Information.

Some literally see Suicide as a  C U R E

.           .           .So is there a Remedy?

When  you  can’t  feel.       .       . 

T      O      U      C      H

  • Maintain some kind of life outside of caregiving; have friends, routines, hobbies and USE THEM
  • Keep healthy; get check-ups, eat and drink right; e x e r c   i   s     e
  • Breathe; I recently heard a great technique for this:  SNIFF IN,  BLOW  OUT
  • Join a support group; not always for what someone can   GIVE   you, but what you might be able to share

Wait.        .        .is that too simple

Wait.        .        .is that too cost effective

Wait.         .         .

is   it   that   easy

P s s s s s s t.           .           .

Y        E        S

So.      .      .

when  you can’t

f      e      e      l ,

t         o         u         c         h

and see the results for the

Touched

and the

Touch’er

The E Word

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Do you pass the

E

T       E       S       T

Are   Y O U :

Finding Public Places Stressful

Needing Alone Time

Discovering Clutter as Catastrophic

Labeled as Moody

Enjoying Daydreaming

A Knowledge Seeker

A Free Spirit

Seeing that Rules and Routine are Torturous 

Easily Bored and Distracted

A Creative Force

Battling Fatigue

Being a Human Lie Detector

Having an Addictive Personality

Well did you pass the

E

T        E        S        T  ?

Do you have one or more of these

t          r          a          i          t          s  ?

You know what it means?

You could be a very

dangerous

hopeless

impossibly irreconcilable

true-blooded

E       M       P       A       T       H       E       T       I       C

p e r s o n

It’s more than just a word,

isn’t  it:

E          M          P          A          T          H          Y

The word is everywhere these days, isn’t it

but not as

the   v e r b

we all desperately need.

To be empathetic

is the ability to put yourself into another’s shoes

with the simple goal to just

understand their feelings.     .     .

so are you a highly empathetic person;

Do you have those traits?

Some would actually say

t h o s e     t r a i t s

aren’t all that

admirable

Studies and Researchers say

approximately

T  W  E  N  T  Y       P E R C E N T

of the population are

highly empathetic people;

Caring Catalysts

Kind of makes

the

80/20

rule

u  n – r  u  l  y

 Maybe   that’s   the best definition of   EMPATHY

Webster’s

has yet to

d e f i n e

  WHAT     SAY     YOU ?

Compassionate Graffiti

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Who would have ever thought that. . . .

Sometimes even the Soul can’t help but to gasp:

W      O      W  !

We’ve all seen it before, haven’t we?

Bathroom Stall Graffiti.

Understandably so,

this is not the stuff that Novels are made

or HBO Movies or even some really bad:

The Worst Poetry Ever Contests.

No one goes to the Bathroom stall to see Bathroom stall humor and expect to be enlightened, inspired, encouraged or motivated.

NO ONE.      .      .

or.      .      .

m   a   y   b   e

S o m e      O    N    E   

who’s seeking much more than that in the most desperate, dirtiest part of their busted up, broken, seemingly laid-bare parts of their most inner self.

S      H      O      C      K      E      R

Not so much that Bathroom Stall Graffiti exists.       .       .

but    T H A T     it could ever possibly

COMPASSIONATELY    exist!

I didn’t take the photo.        .        .

maybe it was manufactured or maybe it’s 101% authentic?

What’s Truer than TRUE?

Compassion is at it’s best when it’s at it’s filthiest.

Compassion shows up for appetizers but brings a Banquet.

Compassion shows up when everything and everyone else checks out.

Compassion Shouts: “HOW CAN I HELP?” when everyone else sighs, “is there anything I can do?”

Compassion runs towards the Fight and not from the Uncomfortable.

Compassion Seeks Suffering while its Pretenders Hides in more comfortable surroundings.

Compassion Hugs the Porcupine of Hurt, Disappointment, Loneliness.

Compassion camps out in the stench without holding its nose.

Compassion is a Verb that doesn’t settle or embrace being an adjective.

Compassion invites, “All-ie, All-i e  In  Free,”  instead of just quitting and going home with the ball.

Compassion ISN’T until it IS and then it isn’t anything else that can even begin to compare.

Compassion just may be found anywhere, anytime, anyplace—-

even  a  Bathroom  Stall.

But mostly.     .     .

Compassion   needs   to   be   where   it’s   often   NOT !

Be the Bearer,

the Wearer,

Sharer,

Carrier

of where it needs to be the most:

WHEREVER      YOU      ARE!

The GREATEST

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You’ll have to forgive me.   .   .

in fact, you might want to skip this all together.     .     .

it’s a long clip

and I wouldn’t be blame you if you didn’t watch this 11 minute clip of

Billy Crystal’s famous

15  ROUNDS

depicting the life of Muhammad Ali

on his 5oth Birthday.

He died the other day some 24 years later.

I’ve been a life-long fan of Ali

and met him one time

at the JACK CASINO

when it was then Higbee’s in 1988

Ali was promoting his new cologne,

A   L  I

I bought a bottle so I didn’t have to stand in a longer line of those

who didn’t buy a bottle of his cologne but still wanted to meet him.

He was up on a small stage that looked like an open end

of a boxing ring.

I didn’t know if it was the

Legend or the Man

that loomed so large in front of me.

He shook my hand with his

huge baseball mit of a hand

and asked me,

“WHAT  DO  YOU  DO?”

I told him I was a minister.   .   .

“So am I,” he said.   .   .

“We both call our God’s by different names, but

H E     I S    O U R    G O D”

We locked eyes for a brief moment

and I muttered out,

“Thanks, Champ.”

No.   .   .

it wasn’t

The   G R E A T E S T

moment in my life

but it was a special one.

Ali’s truest fragrance wasn’t ever what he did in the ring

so much as what he did outside of the ring

being the truest kind of

Caring Catalyst

Who Cares

What Matters

.     .     . not for a profession

or a religious group

but  for

o     t     h     e     r     s

which is the best

r e l i g i o n

of  all.

I’ll  miss  him

but will not grieve

what he’s done

or what will continue

because he made an all too brief visit

through the world

and made it a little better. . .

and inspired many

to do the same.      .      .

“I’ve  made  my  share  of  mistakes  along  the  way,  but  if  I  have  changed  even  one  life  for  the better,  I  haven’t  lived  in  vain.”                                                                                                                                                                                                           –Muhammad Ali

Medicinals

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The greatest events that take place in our lives.     .     .

sometimes take place without ever being on the calendar.

I was scheduled to speak at an event a week ago to a group of Nurses, Social Workers, Case Managers, and Administrators at an area hospital and when I arrived I showed up at the wrong place.

I was standing just outside of the reception area, calling my contact person and

I  T     H  A  P  P  E  N  E  D .      .      .

The UN-Calendared  E V E N T:

An elderly lady and her granddaughter walked out of the swooshing hospital doors and one cue when they hit the cold air of the late morning she burst into a loud, uncontrollable wail of deep woe:

“I can’t, can’t, can’t believe what I just heard.  The Dr, the Dr, he just told me that I have, that I have can-can-can-cancer!  Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God, Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh God. . . .”

The phone was still ringing and I had my back partially to them.

Before I could respond

Before I could hang up the ringing phone from the other end

Before I could offer any consolation or comfort

B          E          F          O          R          E

.          .          .the granddaughter did the most

pure

simplest

kind

loving

compassionate

caring

a     m     a     z     i     n     g

a c t:

She held her grandmother,

hugged her.  .  .

let her cry. . .

and then said,

“Grandma, I know he just said the worst thing we should ever have to hear but he doesn’t know us, he doesn’t know how well we all fight together with each other, he doesn’t know how strong our family is and how we don’t ever do anything alone. . .I’m here, I’m here, I’m here,”

.     .     .she whispered to her grandmother over and over again as she held, gently rocked her like I could only imagine she was once rocked by her when she fell or was afraid or had her feelings hurt or.      .      .

O            B            L            I            V            O            U            S

that I was standing just a few feet away

that a crash cart was just on the other side of the swooshing doors

that several nurses and one doctor were talking at the receptionists desk

t     h     a     t

anything else or anyone were available or necessary.

In a simple, significantly powerfully way

I witnessed

what I know

what I know I know

what I’d bet my life I know

but for the life of me

I don’t always  a c t      l i k e      I      k n o w

t     h     a     t

medicine

interventions

therapies

treatments

blind studies

experimental aids

placebos

d  o          n o t          h e a l          u s

R   E   L   A   T   I   O   N   S   H   I   P   S

heal us.

Are you a Caring Catalyst?

Do you want to be?

You may be just a mere

h     u     g

a   g e n t l e   t o u c h

a    h e l d    h a n d

away.

Be

t     h     a     t

hug

gentle touch

an open and willing holding hand

Your words will never tell what your actions always will.   .   .

The greatest things in our lives sometimes take place without ever being   c a l e n d a r e d

Are you Ready?

CLEAN SLATED

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https://youtu.be/R45HcYA8uRA

Forgive me. . .

I’ve  got

R          E          G          R          E          T          S

and   u n l i k e

Frank Sinatra’s  MY WAY.   .   .

They are way too  m a n y  to Mention

I,  on purpose,  D I D    N O T  post this on

New Year’s Day

Because that’s always a Universal

C  L  E  A  N     S  L  A  T  E     D  A  Y

B          U          T

The most needed   C L E A N    S L A T E    D A Y

IS  TODAY

or whenever the  REGRET   weighs the heaviest.

.    .   .or turns the  r e a r v i e w   m i r r o r   into a   w i n d s h i e l d

Psssssssst of the Day:

THE  PROBLEM  ISN’T  THAT  WE  DON’T  HAVE  AN  ERASER.     .     .

IT’S  THAT  WE  DON’T  USE  IT !

Every day is a  CLEAN SLATE

.      .      .DO  THE  THINGS  YOU  REGRET

N      O      T          d o i n g

o                    f                   t                    e                    n

It may be tough living with your regrets. . .

but not as rough as  n o t  having the opportunity to make a few more in your life

or harder still.     .     .

 g e t t i n g    c l e a n   s l a t e d

all over again

because our only  p e r f e c t i o n s

are our  i m p e r f e c t i o n s .   .   .   .

S H A M M E R S

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Does the REAL

T H E     R E A L L Y     R E A L      Y O U

ever stand up?

I  BELIEVE

are absolutely powerful words.

I  BELIEVE .     .     .

I believe that there’s no one that writes a better blog, that speaks a more powerful message, that brings a more awesome presentation–EVER–than me.  .  .

I   BELIEVE

I believe it with all of my heart

but.     .     .

I       K N O W       IT’S      NOT       TRUE

Ahhhhhhh. . .the Classic Case of the Impostor Syndrome.  .  .

It’s an old term.   .  . 1978

coined by a clinical psychologists

Dr. Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes.

The Impostor Syndrome refers to a high-achieving individual marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a 

wait for it

wait for it

wait for it

.          .          . a   fraud.

Pauline and Suzanne both surmised that despite external evidence of their competence, those exhibiting  the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved.  Proof of success is dismissed as success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be.  .  .  .

Marianne Williamson assures,

“We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?                                   ACTUALLY, WHO ARE YOU NOT TO BE?

The Impostor Syndrome

is, if not universal. . .pervasive.

I remember reading once that the great Nobel Laureate, Maya Angelou once said,

“I have written eleven books, but each time I think ‘uh-oh, they’re going to find out now.  I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out'”

I often feel the same right before a presentation or a workshop I’m presenting

or every Sunday morning as I stand before a congregation

or a grieving family as I conduct a loved one’s memorial service

or when I look in the mirror 

and know the real truth.  .  .  .

Does the Real you

T H E    R E A L L Y    R E A L    Y O U

ever stand up.  .  .  ?

Uhhhhhhhhh. . .

Would  You  Recognized   Y O U

if   you   did ?

Pssssssssst.  .  .

B     L      I      N     K

and look again.       .       .

and do what you’ve been doing all of your life

looking the  I M P O S T O R

right in the eye and spitting in it

as you go on living on in spite of the

haunting   S H A M M E R !

The Best Medicine

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Sometimes. . .

The Best

most effective

least evasive

cost efficient

non-addictive

m     e     d     i     c     i     n     e

isn’t found in a

syringe

capsule

elixir

pill

intervention

therapy

or

treatment.   .   .

b u t      a t      t h e      e n d      o f      y o u r      e x t e n d e d      h a n d

Sometimes. . .

it takes more than medicine.

C      O      M      P      A      S      S      I      O      N

(s u f f e ri n g     w i t h)

a powerful antidote

for the  human  condition

F     I     L     L

.      .      .D   E   L   I   V   E   R

that  Prescription

Every   Time!

Professional Speaker, Author, Assurance Man