The Caring Catalyst

Who Cares - What Matters

F R E T T E R S

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B                    U                   T.            .            .
WE
STILL
WORRY
which is why Mary Oliver most likely wrote:
“I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers flow in the right direction, will the earth turn as it was taught, and if not, how shall I correct it?
Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven, can I do better?
Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows can do it and I am, well, hopeless.
Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it, am I going to get rheumatism, lockjaw, dementia?
Finally I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
And gave it up. And took my old body and went out into the morning, and sang.”
~Mary Oliver, “I Worried,” (2010)
and still.       .       .
S     T     I     L     L
W  E
ARE CARD CARRYING MEMBERS OF THE
F.  O.  F.
(FELLOWSHIP OF FRETTERS)

I fret frets
They’re not Fears
past, present, future,
should’s, would’s, could’s 
or of all the ‘what-to-comes’
the strenuous decisions of what roads to take
avoid or completely ignored; unseen yet scarily crept upon
They’re just nameless frets for the silent communities of Fretters
who believe that the world’s rotation is based on the power of never-ending fretting
So, for the good of all of Humanity, We, the faithful Fretters will fret on for fear of fretting not.    .    .

F.O.F. (FELLOWSHIP OF FRETTERS)
Fretting for ANYTHING.  ANYBODY.  ANYTIME.  ANYHOW.
YOU’RE WELCOME TO JOIN
and most assuredly much more free
IF
YOU
DON’T
(especially on this Friday the 13th)

JUST A MOMENT: MORE THAN SOME NUMBERS

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It’s true that a lifetime can be lived in moments and they sure can be destroyed in just a moment as well.     .     .

So once again 23 years later now on September 9, 2023,
we remember and we honor all those whose lives have been changed
and/or taken in just a moment.           .            .

SEE.     .     .READ.      .      .PONDER.       .        .Once again:

The night before…….
On this day… 23 years ago 246 people went to sleep in preparation for their morning flights. 2,606 people went to sleep in preparation for work in the morning. 343 firefighters went to sleep in preparation for their morning shift. 60 police officers went to sleep in preparation for morning patrol. 8 paramedics went to sleep in preparation for the morning shift. None of them saw past 10:00am Sept 11, 2001. In one single moment life may never be the same. As you live and enjoy the breaths you take today and tonight before you go to sleep in preparation for your life tomorrow, kiss the ones you love, snuggle a little tighter, and never take one second of your life for granted. #AlwaysRemember #NeverForget #NYPD #FDNY #NYC  #ArmedForces #TheDayBefore.

IN JUST A MOMENT we powerfully find out that IT is more than some Numbers.    .   .WE are more than just a number and the POWER OF ONE when IT is about WE and US is most powerful indeed.        .       .I F.        .       .

9/11 by the Numbers
Death, destruction, charity, salvation, war, money, real estate, spouses, babies, and other September 11 statistics.

The initial numbers are indelible: 8:46 a.m. and 9:02 a.m. Time the burning towers stood: 56 minutes and 102 minutes. Time they took to fall: 12 seconds. From there, they ripple out.

See Also: The Encyclopedia of 9/11

 

  • Total number killed in attacks in New York: 2,753 
  • Number of firefighters and paramedics killed: 343 
  • Number of NYPD officers: 23 
  • Number of Port Authority police officers: 37 
  • Number of WTC companies in the towers that lost people: 128  
  • Number of employees who died in Tower One: 1,402 
  • Number of employees who died in Tower Two: 614 
  • Number of employees lost at Cantor Fitzgerald: 658 
  • Number of U.S. troops killed in Operation Enduring Freedom: 2,343 
  • Number of nations whose citizens were killed in attacks: 115 
  • Ratio of men to women who died: 3:1 
  • Age of the greatest number who died: between 35 and 39  
  • Bodies found “intact”: 291  
  • Remains found: 21,906 
  • Number of families who got no remains: 1,717 
  • Estimated units of blood donated to the New York Blood Center: 36,000 
  • Total units of donated blood actually used: 258 
  • Number of people who lost a spouse or partner in the attacks: 1,609 
  • Estimated number of children who lost a parent: 3,051 
  • Percentage of Americans who knew someone hurt or killed in the attacks: 20  
  • FDNY retirements, January–July 2001: 274 
  • FDNY retirements, January–July 2002: 661 
  • Number of firefighters on leave for respiratory problems by January 2002: 300 
  • Number of funerals attended by Rudy Giuliani in 2001: 200 
  • Number of FDNY vehicles destroyed: 98  
  • Tons of debris removed from site: 1.8 million  
  • Days fires continued to burn after the attack: 99 
  • Jobs lost in New York owing to the attacks: 146,100 
  • Days the New York Stock Exchange was closed: 6  
  • Point drop in the Dow Jones industrial average when the NYSE reopened: 684.81 
  • Days after 9/11 that the U.S. began bombing Afghanistan: 26 
  • Total number of civil rights complaints reported to the Council on American-Islamic Relations nationwide from 2002 to 2008: 12,962  
  • Economic loss to New York in month following the attacks: $105 billion 
  • Estimated cost of cleanup: $600 million 
  • Total FEMA money spent on the emergency: $970 million 
  • Estimated amount donated to 9/11 charities: $1.4 billion  
  • Estimated amount of insurance paid worldwide related to 9/11: $40.2 billion 
  • Estimated amount of money needed to overhaul lower-Manhattan subways: $7.5 billion 
  • Amount of money granted by U.S. government to overhaul lower-Manhattan subways: $4.55 billion  
  • Estimated amount of money raised for funds dedicated to NYPD and FDNY families: $500 million 
  • Percentage of total charity money raised going to FDNY and NYPD families: 25 
  • Average benefit already received by each FDNY and NYPD widow: $1 million 
  • Percentage increase in law-school applications from 2001 to 2002: 17.9 
  • Percentage increase in Peace Corps applications from 2001 to 2002: 40 
  • Percentage increase in CIA applications from 2001 to 2002: 50 
  • Number of songs Clear Channel Radio considered “inappropriate” to play after 9/11: 150 
  • Number of mentions of 9/11 at the 2002 Oscars: 26 
  • Apartments in lower Manhattan eligible for asbestos cleanup: 23,000 
  • Number of apartments whose residents have requested cleanup and testing: 4,167 
  • Number of Americans who changed their 2001 holiday-travel plans from plane to train or car: 1.4 million 
  • Estimated number of New Yorkers suffering from post-traumatic-stress disorder as a result of 9/11: 422,000Updated September 2014

     

    See Also: The Encyclopedia of 9/11

 

EASY TO SPELL: L-O-V-E

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L-O-V-E
John Legend

L-O-V-E, love
It’s easy to spell
 
And if you know it for yourself
Then everybody else
Well, they can tell
 
When L-O-V-E, love gets into your heart
It sparkles like a star
And everyone can see
How bright you are

Because love, love, love
Makes you feel better
 
Love, love, love
Keeps us together
 
Love, love, love
Warm like a sweater
 
Aren’t you glad to know that you’ve got
Love
 
L-O-V-E, love
It’s my favorite word
It sings out like a bird
The sweetest song I’ve heard
Sweeter than dessert
 
And L-O-V-E, love
It don’t cost a thing
It’s free for you and me
 
So you’ll give love
And I’ll give love
And we all can give our . . .
 
Refrain (& more!)

Can we celebrate L-O-V-E enough. 
I mean no matter how you spell it 
no matter how you find it. 
It’s how you experience it 
or maybe how you share it 
that makes the difference 
even now who would’ve ever thought that on September 9, 
you could celebrate Valentine’s Day 
when it’s not yet Valentine's Day 
when it’s so very much needed to be tap a foot
 or hum that tune 
reach out.          .         .
tell somebody that you love them 
that they’re appreciated 
and that they are the reason you’re smiling.           .          .
See~~L O V E 
it really is easy to spell 
and just as easy to share.         .         .

                     Give some Monday love

HOW’S YOUR DAY. . .OR:

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It really is more than a “Hey, how are you doing today,” kind of a question, isn’t it?  Most of the time when we ask that question we’re really not wanting and certainly not even expecting an answer. And.     .     .if we really want a different answer maybe we need to be asking a different question.          .           .Here’s another way to ask, “Hey, how are you doing?”  Or even, “Hey, how was your day?”

It’s a basic, boring question—and one said on repeat to your partner or your friends  each time you reconnect after a long day: “How was your day?” The response is usually, “Fine. Yours?” Then, “Fine.” And just like that, a question that’s meant to be an open-ended conversation starter becomes an intimacy dead end. So, how do you make catching up with each other more meaningful and relationship-affirming? To begin, you’re going to want to reframe your original question. Here’s why:

According to The Science of People, the “how was your day?” trap begins when this question becomes a logistical check-in as opposed to a chance to glean deeper details about your partner’s experience (who they are and how they’re changing as they navigate their life). Unless you pepper in a series of follow-ups, it almost always warrants a vague response or one-word answer.

The solution? Specificity. You want to choose a question that will force your partner to say something deeper or—at the very least—solicit more details from them about their emotional experience. The following questions are alternatives to the dreaded “how was your day?” and ones that encourage a combination of specificity, but more importantly vulnerability and openness.

Questions to Ask Instead of ‘How Was Your Day?’

  1. What was the best part of your day?
    2. Did anything surprise you today?
    3. Did you read/listen to anything interesting today?
    4. Did you take any photos today? What of?
    5. Was there any juicy office gossip from today?
    6. What did you do that was just for you today?
    7. What do you wish you did more of today?
    8. What do you wish you did less of today?
    9. What made you laugh today?
    10. Did anything make you feel frustrated today?
    11. Did you receive any good news today?
    12. How many cups of coffee did you have today?
    13. What are you most grateful for about your day?
    14. What was the best conversation you had today?
    15. Tell me three good things that happened to you today.
    16. What did you have for lunch today?
    17. What inspired you the most today?
    18. What is something you did today that you’d love to do every day?
    19. Did you do something kind for anyone today?
    20. If you could do any part of today over again, what would it be and why?
    21. When did you feel appreciated today?
    22. If you could guarantee one thing for tomorrow, what would it be?
    23. If your day turned into a movie, who would you cast?
    24. Will you remember any specific part of your day a year from now? Five years? How come?
    25. Aren’t you going to ask me about my day?

I got noodling some of  the alternatives and then I started thinking., “What would I want somebody to ask me or what can I ask somebody to get a different response; because I know it sounds simple, but sometimes different equals difference so how was your day?  See, there’s another way to ask, “How was your day,” and in fact, expect a different kind of an answer that may make a difference, not only for the one who asks it, but the one who answers it, and in either case, BE THAT ONE!

JUST A MOMENT: YOUR FLAVOR

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At the CENTER we are all the same.           .          .

It’s a really simple and tasty lesson. We learn no matter what flavor of a tootsie roll pop we choose,  the bottom line and the good news is AT THE CENTER.          .          .

We are all the same, now for some, it may take us a little bit longer to get to that center and for others (like me) we chop down quick to get past the crunchy crust before we even enjoy it.

Just like any piece of paper, no matter what the color is, the typed out message on it is still the same, and yet here we are spending literally millenniums trying to, well, trying to prove that that’s not the case while all the time it is.

What flavor are you? Are you bringing your flavorist flavor to each person that you meet and every situation you would encounter and every circumstance you happen to be a part of?

DESTINATION OR DESIGNATION?

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The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice–
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
‘Mend my life!’
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognised as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save

Mary Oliver

Journeys are always important; they prove that we are more than mere push-pins on a map showing where we’ve been, where we are and maybe, where we’ve yet to be but are well on our ways.          .         .

Mary Oliver’s poem inspired this Caring Catalyst to do some noodling about what’s most important on my journey, the DESTINATION or the DESIGNATION especially on this Friday before Labor Day weekend, when we ponder our work and ourselves.             .               .        HENCE:

DESIGNATIONS

I haven’t always gotten all aboard
                                                       a train
                                                       a ship
                                                       a trolley car
                                                       a taxi
                                                       a plane
a merry-go-round-roller-coaster-ferris wheel
but I have journeyed
from so many destinations
to even more designations
the best being the ones not planned
and whether it feels like
I’ve traveled aimlessly
or at times not much at all
I’ve always arrived or been
exactly where I needed to be
especially without baggage or
any hefty leave-it-all-behind carry on’s

Always more than a a push pin on a map
of Somewhere’s
Destinations to Designations
define more than a place I’m at
     but more of who I am

 

JUST A MOMENT: THE DEAL THAT WASN’T

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THE DEAL THAT WASN’T.            .            .

Let’s just be really honest: W E  don’t make deals unless they somehow profit us; unless we benefit.  We rarely even make a deal where it’s even well, EVEN:

I’ll give you this you give me that, and we both win and valued to both of us.

EVEN if monetarily it doesn’t equal out, a few of us, if not any of us, would actually make a deal where we don’t benefit, in fact, where we actually lose and just don’t come out on the short end of the stick,  we don’t even get the stick or the twig, and forget about even the shadow of a tree that it came from.

Do you make that deal? Wonder if it really would change the world?  Wonder if it would really change a person? Maybe once, maybe once in a while but not ongoing? Here’s the real kicker:  When we don’t make that deal, we really do come out on the short end of that jagged stick;

SO WHAT SAY YOU?

Are you feeling lucky?  

Do you want to make a deal or

just not the one I’m offering?
or.                .               .
WE DON’T

THE YEAR OF NO GRUDGES

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I love this slap you in the face, gut punch, knee to the crotch, raw poem. I couldn’t find the written words to this poem so that you could read it, but it makes you listen a little bit more intently as the words of this poem appear as they are read and more importantly defined in you; seen through your lenses.

So what’s your favorite line? Which one resembles you the most?  Do you need to listen to it again, feel it in another way, with the lights on or off, or with or without sound canceling headphones?  How do you finish this poem that is now begun in you?  These are not questions I’m asking you so that you can gain some kind of special insight. I am asking these questions because you’ve asked yourself so many times before and the answers are there and here’s the best part about those answers: They change with time; they take on different meanings under different circumstances with different people.   So how do you answer them now or 20 years ago or next year or 20 years in the future, or now in this moment.  How do you answer them?

“THE YEAR OF NO GRUDGES” was written as a love letter to a friend Andrea was furious at. Several months ago, in the thick of anger, she reluctantly began writing down what she most appreciated about her friend. By the time she stopped typing she was so overwhelmed by gratitude she had no room in my heart for a single grudge against him. So this past week, again, quite by accident when I wasn’t even searching this came in my INBOX from another poet/writer, Phyllis Cole-Dai who was moved enough to move it my way, i.e. ONE BEGGAR SHOWING ANOTHER BEGGAR WHERE THEY GOT THE FOOD.  So Miss Andrea is sharing this poem now as a writing/feeling prompt for all of us, and for herself, in hopes that we move through our days vigilantly awake to the fact that none of us are ever promised a tomorrow. Whatever needs healing, today is the perfect day. (Music by Chris Pureka)

 

A POEMEE FOR THE GOOD LISTENING PROJECT

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I have just recently finished completing and getting certified from The Good Listening Project, which actually just doesn’t practice but puts into action Deep Listening, which is like Active Listening or Hold Space on steroids.  It’s a great practicum that had it roots when it’s founder Frankie Abralind literally set up a little “FREE CUSTOM POETRY table on the National Mall in Washington, D.C. that invited others to ‘tell their stories’ whereby he’d apply the principles of Deep Listening/Holding Space of open unconditional, non-judgmental listening and then in return write a short synopsis  ‘origin story’ of their conversation followed by writing a personalized, reflective poem based on the “Poemee’s” preference, of which they get final editing powers and say as to how it is ‘finished.’  This has proven helpful in cultivating wellness and resiliency for folks who are taking advantage of the program and what it offers.  POEMEES are describing the experience as therapeutic, uplifting and yes, life-changing.

It’s an excellent program heavily based in the healthcare setting but certainly not exclusive of it; all which is why I’m not just explaining but offering the opportunity  and my humble honor to WRITE YOU POEM.  So without further regards, here is an official invitation to any/all who might be interested.  Hey, if nothing else, it’ll give you a great story to tell and maybe, if you’d like, a free cup of coffee or your favorite beverage, the cost of becoming a POEMEE (one for whom a personal poem is written).

Dear YOU

May I write you a poem? I’ve just completed taking a course on how to become a Listener Poet through The Good Listening Project, and as our final project we’re each writing custom poems for people we talk with. Your commitment would be a ~20 minute conversation with me over Zoom, phone or in person. You can talk about whatever you’d like. Afterwards, I’ll compose a custom, reflective poem based on the conversation and email it back to you.

Let me know if this sounds interesting and we can figure out a time to chat. Thanks for being open to helping me as I learn this process.

With gratitude and appreciation,

Chuck Behrens
chuckbehrens123@gmail.com


Here’s an example of an origin story and a poem that I had the honor of recently writing and presenting:

He chose the anointed name of Father Damien from Saint Father Damien of Molokai who was recognized for his work to people with leprosy who were in the Kingdom of Hawaii 1873-1889.  Although, he never worked with lepers, he’s been a priest in a small village of Africa for nearly 50 years, helping children, mostly abandoned and sick.  His message is simple, yet significant: “To go and not come back; I am one of you.”

“Sometimes the only medicine is the the greatest: Love.”  He is a born-again personification of Saint Francis of Assisi.  Unconditionally accepting and loving to all—even at the expense of his own physical decline.  He comes back to the States, like now, only to receive the medical attention he requires as he already looks to a horizon far past our sights when he can “go and not come back.”

 

          Here’s hoping you’ll accept my invitation
to not just become a POEMEE,
but to have your story heard and your poem, written.

JUST A MOMENT: P L A C E S

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Do we ever really have a sense of
PLACE.          .          .
Usually it comes to us in moments when we’re at a
PLACE
or we’re sitting there reminiscing about all the
PLACES
and all the things we’ve done in those
PLACES
or better still
PLACES
to go.            .           .
All of this
PLACE TRAVEL
taking
PLACE
in JUST A MOMENT
Be more than a BLIP on an overview.      .       .
MAKE YOUR SPACE
SOMEONE ELSE’S
P L A C E

Professional Speaker, Author, Assurance Man