The Caring Catalyst

Who Cares - What Matters

THANK LESS DAY

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W        H        E        W

We  Survived  IT,  huh?

O  N  E     Down

(T    H    A    N    K    S    G    I    V    I    N    G)

and two more to go

(C  H  R  I  S  T  M  A  S       A  N  D       N E W   Y E A R ‘ S)

They kind of all blur together

as do many things

this time of the year.       .        .

H  A  N  U  K  K  A  H     and     K  W  A  N  Z  A  A 

i          n          c          l          u          d          e          d

but it sort of all starts with that

T H A N K   L E S S     D A Y

The Research is clear:

GRATITUDE   IS   A   SUPERPOWER

It’s been overly documented

just how grateful people enjoy the benefits

such as improved physical health

better relationships

higher self-esteem

and actual longer

l i f e  s p a n s.      .      .

but here’s the  real  shocker:

Despite the benefits of

g r a t i t u d e

there’s an overwhelming vast majority

who aren’t grateful–

even less than a week ago on

T H A N K S G I V I N G     D A Y

A very recent survey conducted by the Harris Poll

on behalf of Cleveland’s own

AMERICAN   GREETINGS

sheds light on why people aren’t   t h a n k f u l

during these wild 40-some days:

3   out   5    Americans

say they’d rather do something else

rather than reflect on what they’re

t h a n k f u l     f o r.       .       .

A  whopping  71%  say that Holidays cause too much stress.      .     .

92%  believe the holidays are a time

to say   t h a n k s   to family and friends

.     .     .but 1 in 5 confess

they are more grateful for material possessions

than  p e o p l e .        .         .

12%  admitted

they would rather spend time

on their smartphones

than have a meaningful conversation

with  family.       .       .

O                   U                   C                   H   

The  Cure?

.          .          .wait.        .        .

is there an illness?

G R A T I T U D E

just like

Love

Compassion

Care

Empathy

Sympathy

Kindness

can’t be legislated

but they can be

i          n          s          p          i          r          e          d

and  that’s  where

y o u

come   in

.          .          .or  don’t;

There’s not much use for

a week-old over-done-dried-up-Turkey-Dinner

.       .       .in fact,

it just wouldn’t leave you with a bad taste in your mouth.          .          .

it’d be enough to make a person

p u k e.          .          .

I  wish  I could  tell you  exactly  what  to  do

h     e     r     e .       .       .

but  I

or  the Survey’s

or  the Greeting Cards

 or  the Songs

or  the Gifts

or  the Meals

or  the Parties

or  the Masses

Psssssssssssssst  of  the  Day:

Only   you   can.       .         .

Ironically:

That’s one of the things

I’m most

t           h           a           n           k           f           u           l 

The CHAMELEON of YOU

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Question of the Day:

HOW   MANY   TIMES   HAVE   YOU   EVERY   FELT   LIKE   A   CHAMELEON

(I N     O N E     S I N G L E     D A Y)?

It’s amazing how we change–

literally from one situation to the next

without ever really thinking about it

or much preparation.

Even right now as you read this

you are not the same  p e r s o n

before you began looking at the short video

or even the same  o n e

while your reading these very words

as you will be just moments

when you begin reading something else

or get a phone call

or get a text

or see an old friend

or remember a wrong done against you

or hear a song

or see a picture

or taste a food

or sip a drink

or smell a fragrance

or be with family

or being with co-workers

or shopping

or reading a book

or watching a movie

or exercising

or right before you go to bed

or right before you get out of bed

or when you hear bad news

or when you win a lottery/sweepstakes

or .          .          .

Quick.           .           .

go look in the mirror or turn the phone camera on you as to take a

S    E    L    F    I    E

Do you Recognize  T H A T  person?

If not.        .        .

quick look again

and again

and now right now again

and then once more.           .           .

The only true guarantee in life:

The Chameleon of You

might never be the

The Chameleon of You

ever again.           .           .

See.            .           .

how   you   just   changed

a g a i n ?

Psssssssssst of the Day:

The only thing that’s constant is Change

(most   especially   in   each   of   our   chameleon   selves)

The Drive Thru

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We do it almost as many times as we don’t.     .     .

If it’s not for Breakfast

maybe it’s for Lunch

or possibly a quick late night dinner.     .     .

THE    DRIVE    THRU

We know it well.     .     .

Maybe too well;

It’s been years ago now.     .     .

but I can’t drive past a Taco Bell

and not remember

T H E    D A Y

I hate to admit or especially confess it

even now

but I know it’s a reflection of something

much deeper than what happened

T H A T    D A Y

We pulled into the

DRIVE  THRU

and placed our order.     .     .

the kids in the backseat were especially specific

about they wanted to eat;

so was Erin and I

and then after I ordered

and paid.     .     .

I promptly pulled out of the drive-thru

without

P I C K I N G     U P     M Y     O R D E R

They’ve never let me forget it.       .       .

I blamed it on being

t   o   o       b  u  s  y;

Good enough, excuse, huh?

Did it ever happen to you?

Have you, too, ordered a meal;

paid for it,

and then left before actually picking it up.       .       .      ?

Maybe the bigger question is:

Did you pay for the Ticket—-

FULL  PRICE

and  then leave before the end of the

s     h     o     w ?

One of the Biggest

l    i    e    s

L I F E

will have us believe is being

A   Caring  Catalyst

means   n e v e r e n d i n g l y,

c e a s e l e s s l y

and most  of   all

 t    i    r    e    l    e    s    s    l    y

being so busy

is not only a good thing.     .     .

but a necessary thing

to show the World that

The  Busiest

are  the

W         O         R         T        H        I        E        S        T

A  Caring  Catalyst

never wastes a moment

or an opportunity

to alleviate suffering

or provide a compassionate presence

but never at the expense of

being  busy

just to be busy

or to feel important;

s  i  g  n  i  f  i  c  a  n  t.       .       .

based on how busy we can actually be

o            t            h            e          r            w            i            s            e 

we   drive   through

Drive   Thru’s

leaving   behind   much   more   than

what   we’ve   already   bought.     .      .

we never ever really make it

out of the drive-way.     .     .

we  just  spin our wheels

or worse.      .       .

drive full throttle in

  P   A   R   K

MUDDIED WORDS

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It was a moment I’ll never forget.     .      .

She’s an 87 year old lady

on hospice

who looked up from her bed at me

and asked me if it was ok for her to say the word:

“F  *  C  K?”

It rolled so sweetly off her tongue.     .     .

from her lips.       .       .

and I remember distinctly not being able to hold back a smile as I asked,

“Do you need permission to say anything, to me, to anyone?”

“It’s   just   a   word   that   for   all   of   my   life   has   seemed   to   sum   up   everything,”

she said,

“.       .       .when   I’m   mad,   when   I’m   happy,   when   I’m   afraid   and   scared   or   when                         I’m   in   pain.     .     .”

“.     .     .Do   you   think   it’s   wrong.     .     .Do   you   think   I’ll   be   punished   for   it?”

“Was you  intention  ever to hurt someone or embarrass them?”

“Oh  no, never.   .   .I  guess  I  always  said   ‘f * c k’    to  make  me  feel  better.”

“Has it?”

“Always.   .   .it’s my go-to-sum-it-all-up-word.       .        .      .”

Some nearly twenty years later.       .       .

Every time I hear

t  h  e     w  o  r   d

I think of her and smile.       .       .

Back then I didn’t have the

Research

The Studies

The Data

that back up her empirical feelings.       .        .

I’ve swallowed bars of soap.     .     .

Sat in countless  TIME OUT  Chairs.     .     .

Been sent to my room.     .     .

Felt a hand across my face.     .     .

Been embarrassed.     .     .

but it seems that the

c     u     r     s     i     n     g

problem, isn’t a problem at all.

Now this is not a blog post

to condone

to allow

to make ok

to put a stamp of approval on

 m     u     d     d     i     e     d              w     o     r     d     s

but the studies are showing support

for what my hospice patient felt all of those years ago:

THAT   SWEARING  ACTUALLY  RELIEVES  PAIN

.       .       .and isn’t that the real goal of emotional outbursts:

TO   RELIEVE  PAIN ?

Richard Stephens of Keele University in England led a study that measured just how long 67 college students could keep their hands submerged in ice water.       .       .The group of students were encouraged to yell profanities for one controlled testing, and then to use non-swear words while completing the test.     .     .is it surprising that the 67 volunteers endured the cold temperatures for some 40 seconds longer  WHILE  SCREAMING  OBSCENITIES and more, the group actually felt less pain overall.     .      .Stephens even went so far as to say, “I would advise people, if they hurt themselves, to swear.”

Of course, there is a sanitary, clinical term for this:

HYPOALGESIC   EFFECT  OF  SWEARING

Richard Stephens also concluded 10 other reasons why swearing may be good for the Soul:

IT  MAKES  YOU FEEL  STRONGER

IT  ACTUALLY  DOESN’T  MAKE YOU  FEEL  STUPID  OR  IGNORANT

IT  SERVES  AS  A  GREAT  COPING  MECHANISM

IT  HELPS  YOU  FEEL  MUCH  MORE  RESILIENT

IT  REALLY  DOES  MAKE  YOU  FEEL  SO  VERY  MUCH  BETTER

IT’S  MORE  ENGAGING  WHILE  WATCHING  TV  AND  MOVIES

IT  HELPS  CREATE  CLOSE  BONDS  WITH  OTHER  PEOPLE

IT’S   INNATE   AND   EXPRESSIVE

IT   MEANS   YOU’RE   CREATIVE

IT  HELPS  YOU  EMPHASIZE  YOUR  POINTS  

Timothy Jay,  a psychologist at the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts has spent the last 35 years studying the use of profanities.  He states, “It allows us to vent or express anger, joy, surprise, happiness, grief.     .     .It’s like the horn on your car, you can do a lot of things with that, it’s built into you.     .     .     .”

Maybe all of those years ago.       .       .

without the studies and the research.     .      .

my sweet, hospice patient was right that day.         .        .

After I prayed with her that afternoon,

her blue eyes twinkled with a sly secret

that couldn’t quite hold the surprise any longer

as she reached up and touched the side of my face and said,

“You’re such a nice  f*cking man.      .      .

we laughed for the

b e n e d i c t i o n

and honestly.      .     .

f e l t   better

NOT Lives Touched

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I became a part-time-on-call-Chaplain at Fairview Hospital in 1988

The hours were from 5 p.m. to 8:00 a.m. five or six days a month,

and it was usually Emergency Room cases

that had me rolling out of my warm bed

on cold winter nights to attend to those crises.     .     .

It was those catastrophes

that involved car accidents,

shootings,

heart attacks,

still births,

suicides

and some natural caused deaths.      .      .

I met and cared for many more family members

than I ever did patients in those settings and they taught be

the most important,

the most sacred,

the most intimate,

the most significant,

the most heart-wrenching,

the most profane

the most consecrated,

the most hallowed lesson

I’ve learned in all my 61  years

and had affirmed and validated countless times over since:

IT   IS   NOT   THE   LIVES 

YOU    TOUCH    THAT    MATTERS.           .           .

SO     MUCH     AS     THE

L             I             V             E             S

T   O  U  C  H  E  D

BECAUSE     OF     THOSE     YOU     FIRST     HAVE     TOUCHED !

It’s a lesson

I’ve learned

re-learned

continuing to learn

and never fully

comprehend

or 

understand.          .          .

and hopefully never will–

even with the very next life I touch

to continue the never-ending

wave.          .          .

Go ahead.           .            .

T    O    U    C    H         A         L  I  F  E

Create a Ripple–

try seeing where it ends.           .            .  

or better still.     .     .

what it starts in yet another person

Your V o t e

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img_2262

The     V    O    T    E

y        o        u       r        s:

I’m not asking if you used yours

this past week.      .      .

I’m asking if you are

e          x          e          r          c          i          s          i          n          g

your  vote  at

this very moment?

I’m not asking

W      H       O

you voted for.        .        .

I’m imploring

W     H     A     T

you vote for

day by day

moment by moment?

History

was made

this past Tuesday

as America came to

v o t e

once again.       .        .

i m p r e s s i o n s

are more importantly being made

every moment

a vote

much more important than

what happens every four years

is the one

that we

m          a          k            e

countless times

a    d a y.     .     .

n           o           w ;

we are hearing

we are seeing

we are feeling

we are experiencing

a myriad of emotions

ever since

T H E     V O T E :

Grief

Anger

Shock

Fear

Disbelief

Elation

and we do what we do best

when any one of those things intrude on us:

T  U  R  N      A  W  A  Y

A  Suggestion:

Turn  Towards

I      T

D A R E.       .       .

EMBRACE   IT.     .     .

Why?

Because we can’t control the

u n c o n t r o l l a b l e.     .     .

Just because we like

fairytale like

h a p p y   e n d i n g s

seldom guarantees them;

The more sure bet guarantee is

c h a n g e

u n c e r t a i n t y.     .     .

There is brutal suffering in our world.     .     .

in  our  Nation

but there is an abundance of

C          O          M          P           A           S          S          I          O          N

to  confront that suffering.       .       .

The Buddhists

have an age old saying:

BEFORE  ENLIGHTENMENT,  CHOP  WOOD  AND  CARRY  WATER;  AFTER  ENLIGHTENMENT,  CHOP WOOD  AND  CARRY  WATER

Can you give that a  VOTE?

NO  ONE  IS  GREATER  THAN  ALL  OF  US

Can you give that a  VOTE?

LOVE  IS  THE  GREATEST  FORCE  IN  AND  OUT  OF  THIS  WORLD

Can you give that a  VOTE?

BEING  A  CARING  CATALYST  IS  A  CONSTANT  CHANGE  AGENT

Can you give that a  VOTE?

No one can ever take our  VOTE  away.       .       .

Especially

The one we choose to exercise

our

compassion

our

love

our

willingness to be open and affirming

our

openness to embrace

the uncomfortable

until it becomes

more bearable.     .     .

To  SHOW   UP

when it’s least popular

or even advantageous

Can you give that a  VOTE.       .        .

Then you’ve just

chopped a forest of wood

carried a Lake of water

and made history

that hopefully gets

r e p e a t e d

endlessly.     .     .

Can  you  give  that  a   VOTE?

L O V E

is

L O V E

Right Side UP

and maybe more especially

 UP  Side  down.        .        .

W i l l    you  give  that  a   VOTE ?

Congratulations on a Campaign well run

an Election well won

.        .         .now   l e a d

where aimless haven’t followed

and followers haven’t yet gone.       .       .

A Helper’s High

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It happened. . .

T          H          E          Y

said it would happen.     .     .

I T      D I D

I can’t run anymore.           .           .

L I T E R A L L Y—

X-RAYS

don’t lie.          .          .

they showed my poor 61 year old knees are in reality

9   0

from 8 marathons and countless miles to prepare for them

and more recently,

just running for the

r u n n e r ‘ s     h i g h

G                O               N               E

The most painful thing I’ve found out through this

cut off

is that nothing

no  thing

not one thing

replicates  that  high

Not an elipitical

not a weight-lifting

not planks

not water jogging

no steam room

no sauna

no hot tub

uhhhhh-nada

nil

null

aught

zilch/zero/zip/z i p p o

except what’s been there all along.          .          .

Desmond Tutu once said:

“Do   your   little   bit   of   good   where   you   are;  it’s   those   little   bits   of   good   put   together   that overwhelm   the   world.”

Nice  words.       .       .

or

T    R    U    T    H ?

or.        .        .

D    A    R    E ?

THE   STUDIES

show that generous people are happier and healthier.        .        .

so why are these acts often questioned and mocked?

Sandi Mann, a psychologist at the University of Central Lancashire went out to prove it, literally, She wrote a book entitled, PAYING IT FORWARD: HOW ONE CUP OF COFFEE COULD CHANGE THE WORLD

Michael Norton, at Harvard Business School paid attention.  He offers some of the most convincing evidence, repeatedly finding that people who spend a bigger proportion of their income on others tend to be far happier, in the long run, than spending it on themselves.  

What makes it impressive is that Norton has tested this theory all over the world in more than 130 countries from the US  to Uganda.

“Across all countries–rich or poor, and in ever every continent–people who gave more tended to be happier people,” he says.  For this reason, he thinks the joy of giving appears to be a ‘psychological universal’–a trait that lies at the core of human nature, independent of your culture.”

B          A          M

Mann has also proven that taking time to help others may even protect you from disease.  Over a 30-year study, women who volunteered for a charity were 16% less likely to suffer a major illness during that period–maybe because it actually lowers stress levels, which may also, in turn, boost the immune system.

B          A          M

Ms. Mann believes heavily in a Helper’s High.    .    .in fact, as a clinical psychologist, she has often counseled people with depression to try and incorporate small acts of kindness into their therapy. . .she offers that it’s not a cure but it does give a way to contribute–to give back–and that makes them feel good and that they are useful.

I don’t run any longer.

My knees often ache a good bit during the day and throb at night,

but there’s another race I’ve been running all of my life

that often leaves me breathless, too.

And so far.       .       .

I’ve never gotten tired;

G         I         V         I         N         G

Paying   IT   Forward

it turns out

isn’t a Season.         .         .

It’s    a    Lifestyle

The Road isn’t crowded.        .        .

and I’d love the Company–

Join  me

You’ll never be the same again

and  that  Helper’s High

will always have the Clouds looking up

A T       Y O U

UnPledged Allegiance

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Sometimes what we  S A L U T E,

doesn’t much merit our  A T T E N T I O N.       .       .

Quite a clip, isn’t it?

Is it True?

Does it make you think?

Do you Care?

Is it just so HBO of me to share it?

Sobering thoughts expressed by Jeff Daniel’s character, isn’t it?

TV/Cable at it’s Best.        .        .

or  Worst?

Tomorrow

AMERICA

v o t e s.     .     .

No more slamming of candidates and policies.   .    .

No more smear campaigns.     .     .

No more  N O T    talking about the real issues.     .     .

In many ways

our  Country  will  Change

but in many more ways.    .    .

maybe we—

each of us—

i   n   d   i   v   i   d   u   a   l   l   y

need changing, too;

We know what happens.      .      .

there’s plenty of rich documented History.          .          .

when we Pledge Allegiance.      .      .

What.      .      .

what happens if that Allegiance goes

 UN-PLEDGED?

Yes.        .        .

there’s plenty of that rich,

documented History, too.

The beauty of our Nation on Election Day,

Flag Day,

Memorial Day,

4th of July

or any other National

or not-so-national holiday

is that  W E  can feel or express anything we want or can

because      we      can !

Hmmmmmmm.        .        .

we don’t have to be perfect,

as a person,

a community,

as a nation to be becoming more perfect.          .          .

Pledge  Allegiance

to  that.        .        .

and Un-Pledged Allegiance

becomes unnoticed and better,

insignificant.       .       .

.            .           .the best way to solve a problem

is to first acknowledge that there is a problem.         .         .         

The best way to become a better Country

is one

Caring Catalyst Voter

at a time

Starting

humbly with me

and you

and you

and you

and.     .     .     .

REVERANCED

By 2 Comments

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I never attend

Worship Services—-

I conduct them.     .      .

and yet three times this past week

that wasn’t true.     .     .

One was at David Simpson Hospice House–

a 42-bed hospice inpatient facility

that had a Mass

for a Patient

her  husband

her  friend

a volunteer

a Staff Nurse

and me.       .      .

The Priest not only gave a short homily on

“Blessed  are  those  who  Mourn  for  they  shall be  Comforted.     .     .”

but then opened it up to each of us

to be the homily.     .     .

I read from the Lectionary

.     .     .A  reading for the Day:

G O D     I S     L O V E

.          .          .The Priest Led Communion

.       .       .The Volunteer led some singing

.       .       .The Congregation of 6

w     o     r     s     h     i     p     p     e     d.          .          .

r e v e r a n c e d;

The  Second Service was at a Nursing Home

where my dad resides.       .       .

It was Sunday afternoon.        .        .

Erin, my wife and I

joined my dad

shortly after the service had begun.         .           .

I wasn’t focusing on the

slightly off key quartet.       .      .

I wasn’t focusing on the

patients and there family members.       .        .

I wasn’t focused on the message of

“Those  who  wait  upon  the  Lord  shall  mount  up  with  wings  like  eagles; they  shall  run  and  not  be weary, they  shall  walk  and  not  be  faint.     .     .     .”

I was focused on my dad.     .     .

I saw him

not as weakened

not as incapacitated

not as he now sees

the brokenness in himself–

I saw him as One

who used to drive us to Church

and now One I’m transferring.     .     .

I saw him as not so much a

m i s s i n g    p i e c e

from some discarded puzzle.       .        .

I saw him as a

s p e c i f i c    P E A C E

that’s about completing me

I     saw     him    and

w     o     r     s     h     i     p     p     e     d.       .        .

r e v e r a n c e d;

The Third Time

I worshipped

was just a few days ago.      .       .

I was visiting a patient

who had made her room

a  sanctuary —

music from a soap opera

played in the background

served as a choir.      .      .

I, a congregation of one,

she, the Celebrant,

Her sermon was not profound.     .     .

Her Communion Offering:

F e a r,

D o u b t,

A n g e r,

.       .       .She led the Litany:

I’m  Afraid

I  responded:

I’m Afraid sometimes, too

I  Doubt  God

I’m doubtful sometimes, too

I’m  mad  as  hell

I’m mad sometimes, too

I’m  just  so  tired

I’m tired sometimes, too

I’m  thankful  for  you

I’m thankful for you, too

I  feel  better,  now

I feel better, too

.          .          .When your  C o m m u n i o n

is   C o m p a s s i o n

it’s hard not to call it

w          o          r          s          h          i          p

r e v e r a n c e d

.           .          .I  don’t attend worship services–

I  conduct  them–

I wonder how many other times

aside  from  these  very  special  three.     .     .

I have already missed

or worse.       .       .

just how many I’ll continue to

miss from now

o    n .    .   .   ?

Legislated Hearts

By 2 Comments

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H E A R T      M A P P I N G.        .        .

Have You?

Heart  Mapping

is little exercise that helps illustrate

what’s really important to you.        .       .

Heart  Mapping

was a concept

created by Georgia Heard

to help students

 a     c     h     e

about writing

instead of just merely stringing words together.       .       .

but it should be mandatory for everyone who has a

H E A R T   beat.        .        .

It helps you fill in the spaces of your

H     e     a     r     t  

with

Memories that are the most dear to you.         .         .

People who are most important to you–and why.         .         .

Experiences or events that you will never forget.         .         .

Impactful Happy and Sad Moments you’ve had.         .         .

Secrets that can only be kept in your heart.         .         . 

What would be at the Center of your Heart?

Would you add Colors?

Would you add more than one Heart that overlaps?

Would you have things written around the outside of your heart?

What would be on your Heart Map. . .

that if you could, you’d legislate for the whole world to abide?

Hmmmmmmmm of the Day:

YOU     CANNOT     LEGISLATE    THINGS    OF    THE     HEART

if we could

we’d probably all legislate

a kinder

more compassionate

less judging

more accepting

more loving

less hating

more understanding

more caring

more forgiving

more merciful

more healthy

no cancer,

no pain

no disease

no disappointment

no terminal illness

no homelessness

no addiction

all accepting

w      o     r      l      d.           .           .           

I would legislate that we’d all be

Caring Catalyst’s

who would literally find it impossible to be mean or disrespectful of anyone

and more giving and warmhearted to everyone

.          .          .   h o w e v e r

we can’t legislate hate out of the heart.        .        .

s   o   m   e   h   o   w,

our Heart Map

still has passages

that takes us through some pretty swampy areas

that makes GPS’s tremble and stutter.

We can’t legislate a Heart that accepts and loves all—regardless of

race,

color,

creed,

sexual orientation,

socioeconomics,

o          u          r          s          e          l          v          e          s

If     IT    could happen or come to be just by

writing it down

then our Founding Fathers would have had a way to personify

creating all equal with full rights to Life,

Liberty

and the pursuit of Happiness.        .        .

Maybe.        .        .

m a y  b e

that’s where it all starts?

I can’t do your heart map.         .         .only mine!

We can’t vote in

L   E   G   I   S   L   A   T   O   R   S

or adopt laws or amendments or new Constitutions

b     u     t

by looking at our own heart maps

and continually re-drafting

re-working

R      E      F      I      N      I      N      G

them

and not only Beginning

but better still.        .        .

R E F U S I N G

to end there–

Well now.         .         .

We just might have created–

each of us–

a kind of Heart Map

W I T H O U T     B O R D E R S

It’s a Continent worth reaching

and

s          h          a          r          i          n          g

See you in that never-need-legislating-land-of

T      H      E      R      E

(hopefully soon–very soon)

Professional Speaker, Author, Assurance Man