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EVIDENCE BASED HAPPINESS

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EVIDENCE BASED HAPPINESS

Just might not be as scientifically

conflated as it may appear.          .          .

So here’s

5 Ways to Feel Happier During the

Ongoing Pandemic in a

New Year According to Science

Steve Hammond, formerly of the 1st Battalion the Welsh Guards, hands out food parcels to elderly residents at the Royal British Legion village, while volunteering for a local initiative to deliver food parcels to elderly and vulnerable people on April 02, 2020 in Aylesford, England.
Dan Kitwood

The COVID-19 pandemic has not, to put it lightly, been a happy time. But it has been and continues to be a rich period for scientists who study happiness. Tara Law, a freelance reporter for Time Magazine uncovered how some Researchers around the world have followed what happens to wellbeing during the biggest collective threat to happiness most of us have ever known.

First, an obvious finding: the pandemic has clearly (and understandably) eroded happiness in the U.S. and globally. Since it began, four in 10 U.S. adults have reported symptoms of anxiety and depression, up from about 1 in 10 in 2019, the Kaiser Family Foundation found this year. In the U.K., reports of anxiety and depression were at a high during lockdown restrictions in March 2020 and fell when restrictions were loosened later that spring, according to data published in April 2021 from the University College London’s COVID-19 Social Study, an ongoing study of more than 40,000 people.

But the pandemic isn’t the end of happiness. The COVID-19 Social Study also found that people’s sense of meaning—the feeling that life is worthwhile—stayed stable throughout the U.K.’s spring lockdown.

What makes people resilient in the face of such grim circumstances? Recent research highlights a few activities that seem to help the most.

Staying social, even while distancing

The positive effects of social connection hold true even when physical contact may be dangerous. Who you lived with was particularly important in the early months of the pandemic: the U.K.’s Office for National Statistics found in June 2020 that being married or cohabitating with a partner was among the most protective measures against loneliness during this time. Various studies also found that when people felt connected to others during the pandemic, they tended to experience fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression. Since the start of the pandemic, people have done a “huge amount of coping” says Nancy Hey, the executive director of What Works Centre for Wellbeing, a U.K. company that gathers evidence about what works to improve wellbeing.“In some ways, we come together more when there’s a crisis,” says Hey. “The best thing you can do… is to get on the phone with your family and friends. Knowing that there’s somebody there for you in times of trouble is really important.”

For many people, relationships increasingly went digital. Video calls surged during the pandemic; according to market research company Sensor Tower, usage of Zoom, Microsoft Teams and Google Meet was almost 21 times higher during the first half of 2020 compared to the same period in 2019.

Digital interactions like these also appear to protect wellbeing. Some recent research has found that social contact, both in person and via phone or video call, was associated with fewer depressive symptoms. Video calls eased some of the lockdown loneliness in a way not enough people appreciate, says John Helliwell, professor emeritus at Vancouver School of Economics and an editor of the World Happiness Report, an annual assessment of global wellbeing. “If this had happened 50 years ago, and everybody had been at home with no way of really being in contact with others, that would have been much, much more difficult,” says Helliwell. “The ability to work and socially connect without physical contact has been an enormously important support mechanism.”

Still, video calls can feel frustrating and inadequate, leading to mixed effects on wellbeing. One survey published in September 2021 of more than 20,000 people from 101 countries found that people who were dissatisfied with video calls were more likely to be lonely during the pandemic. Daisy Fancourt, an associate professor at University College London and a leader of the COVID-19 Social Study, says that while video calls shouldn’t be viewed as a replacement for in-person contact, in moderation they seemed to help people stay connected and happier. “We found that people who have used video calls, as well as regular phone calls, as a virtual means of staying in touch [for] limited amounts of time per day— that seems to have been beneficial,” says Fancourt.

Being neighborly and volunteering

The pandemic drove people to find new ways to connect outside of their social bubbles. Many people became closer to their neighbors, for example, or took up volunteer work. The COVID-19 Social Study found in September 2021 that a third of respondents said they’d received more support from their neighbors during the pandemic than before it.

Volunteering also became more popular. In March 2020, the U.K.’s National Health Service asked for volunteers who would do tasks like shopping for people who were isolating or quarantining, transporting patients and moving equipment. It met its goal—250,000 volunteers—in less than 24 hours; two days later, it met its second goal of 750,000 people. Those who stepped up likely received a happiness boost: Studies suggest that volunteering has a positive impact not only on the people who are the recipients of help, but also on the volunteers. A May 2021 analysis of more than 55,000 U.K. adults from the COVID-19 Social Study during 11 weeks of lockdown found that volunteering was one of the top activities associated with a rise in life satisfaction.

Doing hobbies and exercising

Not all helpful strategies are social. Activities that bring people outdoors, like gardening, and creative pursuits like making art and reading have also supported people’s wellbeing, says Fancourt. Unsurprisingly, another mood-boosting activity was exercise, which past research has linked to emotional benefits. A survey of nearly 13,700 people from 18 countries published in Frontiers in Psychology in September 2020 found that people who exercised frequently during the lockdown reported more positive moods. Most people seem to have understood that exercise was an important way to keep their spirits up; the study found that people generally didn’t exercise less during lockdown than they did before, and nearly a third of people exercised more.

Of course, measures like these only go so far for people who lost a loved one to the virus or were dangerously ill themselves. One striking thing about the data surrounding wellbeing during the pandemic is that it’s inherently unfair; for instance, having a low income is associated with poorer mental health during the pandemic, according to the results of the COVID-19 Social Study. However, if there’s any silver lining to the psychological upheaval of the pandemic, it’s greater mental health literacy, says Fancourt. People were forced to grapple with their own understanding of mental health, “their ability to talk about it with appropriate language, their ability to recognize their own symptoms and feelings or potential mental health problems,” she says. “COVID has been its own campaign about mental health.”

CAN
COULD
WOULD
SHOULD
H  A  PP  I  N  E  S  S
be that simple.          .          .

We’ve all found out
haven’t we
that being together
doesn’t always mean
being together
and that’s
when
HAPPINESS
is received
without ever being
s          o          u          g          h          t
(TRY FINDING THAT IN A TEST TUBE)

THE SHORT END OF LONGEVITY

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Some say
The Worst thing about Birthday Cakes
are the Candles they hold
that count how old you are
and how young
YOU  AREN’T.            .            .
And we spend lots of effort
and money to
NOT MAKE IT SO.            .            .

Your Personality

Could Add Years of

Healthy Living

Matt Fuchs recently wrote about this phenomenon in a TIME MAGAZINE article.  When it comes to strategies for slowing down the aging process, exercise and nutrition are the usual suspects—but don’t ignore the power of mind over matter.

Recent research shows that several personality traits predict who will enjoy health into their 80s and beyond. According to some studies, the link between personality and longevity is as strong as intelligence or how much money you have, both of which are correlated with longer lifespans.

These characteristics of the mind are fairly stable, but experts believe we can enhance them at any age—more easily, perhaps, than our bank accounts. The following five traits can be cultivated for a long, healthy life.

People who are conscientious—organized and responsible—tend to live longer. “It’s probably the best silver bullet we can hope for,” said Nicholas Turiano, a psychology professor at West Virginia University. Being conscientious is a “resilience factor” that may help some individuals overcome major risks to health, such as living in poverty, said Turiano.

Many conscientious people are diligent about exercise and nutrition. They also seem to have better coping strategies for stressful situations, said Turiano, leading to less inflammation, which in turn slows down aging.

People can become more conscientious through support from friends, coachesand psychologists. Smartphone apps may help, too. For example, participants in a study published earlier this year increased their conscientiousness significantly by using a digital coach called PEACH. This app reinforces personality change through chatbot conversations and tips, such as reminders to reflect on progress toward one’s goals by writing in a diary.

P U R P O S E

Another good quality for longevity is being purposeful, or having a direction in life with clear goals that energize you. Those who say that they have a life purpose recover faster from aggravations such as viewing pictures of pollution and other disturbing scenes. They also tend to have more brain volume in an area of the brain that’s linked to self-awareness and decision-making.

Many types of purpose are beneficial. “It’s so unique to the individual,” said Patrick Hill, a psychologist at Washington University in St. Louis. Some derive purpose from their jobs, whereas retirees report feeling more purposeful during the evening if they socialized that day, according to Hill’s research. People driven by artistic purposes may have a longevity edge, too. “Being creatively inclined can provide a sense of direction,” said Hill.

Purpose and conscientiousness overlap, but they’re not quite the same trait. Picture an employee conscientiously following the boss’s orders without batting an eye, chiming in constructively at meetings, yet lacking a deep connection to the job. “Purpose predicts health outcomes above and beyond the role of conscientiousness,” Hill explained.

To become more purposeful, finding the right mentor can have a powerful effect. For seniors, engaging in leisure activities, like arts classes, can go a long way toward purpose, well-being and lower rates of dementia and depression.

O P T I M I S M 

For a long, healthy life, look for the silver lining. Optimism is associated with exceptional longevity, according to research by Lewina Lee, a psychologist at Boston University. That might include viewing older age as desirable. “I would think that optimistic people tend to feel more confident about their ability to accomplish goals as they age,” said Lee.

In fact, people who see the positives in aging, like wisdom and emotional maturity, live an average of 7.6 years longer. Becca Levy, a psychologist at Yale’s school of public health, said they enjoy this longevity advantage due toexercising more, eating healthier and lower biomarkers of stress-related inflammation—similar to the benefits of conscientiousness.

You can boost optimism by regularly writing about your best possible self. Becoming more age-positive may require undoing negative stereotypes about aging. “As young as three or four, children take in the age beliefs of their culture,” Levy told me. In older age, “those beliefs become self-relevant and impact health.” But Levy found she could improve ageist attitudes by asking study participants to write about seniors with active lifestyles. Her research also shows that nurturing age-positive beliefs in seniors can improve their physical functioning.

Young people can internalize positive views of aging by interacting more often with seniors, including role models and work colleagues, and joining intergenerational communities, Levy said.

E X T R A V E R S I O N

Being extraverted, or outgoing, is another trait that can lengthen your span of health. “The link between social relationships and longevity is as strong as cholesterol levels or smoking,” said Susan Charles, a psychology professor at the University of California-Irvine. “It’s a huge effect.”

Social butterflies tend to be more active, said Charles, which protects their health. Just don’t be overly agreeable. If you’re open to other people’s bad habits, you might be swayed by friends who drink, smoke or eat unhealthily.

To become more extraverted, sessions with a psychologist can help. Adopting a healthier lifestyle has been shown to make people more comfortable in social situations. Stay on top of current events and consider joining assertiveness classes or a Toastmasters group. And most of us could probably benefit from brushing up on social skills with online trainings.

A  LACK  OF  NEUROTICISM

Graceful agers tend to keep an even keel. “They’re less likely to report feeling ecstatic or so sad that nothing will cheer them up,” said Charles. That inner tranquility is easier on the heart and supports better sleep, both of which pay major longevity dividends.

That doesn’t mean dodging every battle, though. Although people with zero stress report greater happiness, they might have worse cognition, a detriment to long-term health, said Charles. “You need a little challenge for optimal well-being.” The most common source of stress is other people, she added, but those who age successfully get the benefits of socializing without feeling threatened or exasperated by others.

Interventions for emotional stability could help Type A personalities, in particular. While they may have more ambition—and purposefulness— they’re prone to hostility, which is associated with cardiac problems. Other neuroses, including anxiety and depression, are similarly linked to faster aging.

Interventions to increase creativity may help, said Turiano. “People don’t get as perturbed if they’re open to trying different avenues when things go wrong.”

Or join a slow movement. Charles noted that just asking Type A personalities to eat more slowly reduced their rates of heart attacks. People who meditate may delay mortality, but it’s not for everyone. To cultivate any of these traits, said Charles, “the right intervention is the one that’s comfortable for you.”

Who thought some heady stuff could add years to your life, and yes, LIFE TO YOUR YEARS, but the research and data doesn’t lie.     .    .we often do, though.  It kind of makes merely discarded numbered dates mean more than something to be tossed away.          .          .

Now for that Birthday Cake.          .          .

GUARANTEED IT WILL TASTE BETTER
WHEN YOU COME 
NOT SO MUCH TO UNDERSTAND 
BUT ACTUALLY LIVE LIKE:

CHANGES of PANDEMIC Proportions

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In these past 18 months
what has thrown the most different
C o L o R s
on your Canvas. . .
or just
What We Learned About Relationships During the Pandemic

Illustration by Hadley Hooper
It’s not the only or the last time that the question or a version of it will be asked, but Time Magazine’s BELINDA LUSCOMBE took us down a path that at least allows us to not just bring up the question but uncover some of the many different answers. . .

The pseudo-scientific formula that explains most human bonding is basically time + affection + togetherness = relationship. So what happens to humans and their interconnectedness when two of the key elements—time and togetherness—are removed or increased? Can digital communication replace human to human contact? How do couples cope with stressful events they have never before encountered? This is the focus of a series of studies published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, which has dedicated several special issues to relationships in the time of COVID-19.

“When COVID hit it became clear to me that… it would be really important for us to provide a space for relationship science to showcase their work,” says Pamela Lannutti, the director of the Center for Human Sexuality Studies at Widener University in Chester, Penn., and one of the editors of the series of issues. So the journal put out a call for researchers who had begun research on what relationships were like in this unique set of circumstances and the studies flooded in. 

Some of the results were obvious: health workers needed supportive spouses during this time, digital communication with friends helped with lonelinessand college couples who were dating grew apart when they couldn’t see each other. Others were a little more surprising. Here’s what’s been uncovered learned so far. . .

Gender roles in the home got more, not less, defined. . .

A study out of New Zealand found that during the stay-at-home measures, with people working from home and schools closed, each partner in heterosexual relationships had to take on more responsibilities around the house. But women took on many more. While both men and women recognized the situation was imbalanced, it only led to relationship dissatisfaction among the women, unless the men were doing a lot of childcare. That is, the men could see the burden was being unevenly carried, but it didn’t bother them. “There’s definitely a shift back towards traditional gender roles in ways that perhaps weren’t there before COVID,” says Lannutti. “Here’s something that came along and just shook up society in this really unexpected and really quick way. And still those gender roles were so powerful.”

Contrary to expectations, lonely single people didn’t settle. . .

Using a multinational survey of almost 700 single people, most of them female, a group of researchers from across the globe found that single people were more interested in finding a partner if they were more concerned about COVID-19. The researchers expected single people to lower their standards given the exigent circumstances. They did not. Not even about looks. “They still cared about physical attractiveness,” says the journal’s co-editor, Jennifer Bevan, a professor of communication at Chapman University in Orange, California, “which I thought was such an interesting element.”

People who don’t like video chat just kept meeting in person. . .

Getting together via video took off during the early days of lockdown, with workplaces and families having to quickly adjust to meeting over Zoom, Google meetings, Bluejeans or other digital platforms. A Utah State university studyfound that those who had difficulty adjusting to this form of communication were more likely to violate social distancing protocols and pleas to avoid gatherings, in order to see other humans. “The need for connection overrides what’s happening at that moment, which is a scary thought,” says Bevan. “How do we kind of override the need for connection? I know it’s really difficult to do.”

Same sex couples who avoided fighting were less happy than those who voiced their complaints...

In a study of LGBTQ couples, those who refrained from complaining about their relationships when something was wrong had less satisfying relationships, suffered more anxiety and depression, and leaned more heavily on substance use during COVID-19. Their dissatisfaction with their relationships was also worse if they were people of color or had higher internalized homophobia. The researchers noted that one fifth of the participants in the study had decided to move in together because of the pandemic—which paradoxically had made them less anxious while also making the relationship less stable. “We recommend same-sex couples to actively discuss their moving in decisions,” the researchers suggested, “rather than rushing to cohabit without adequate considerations.”

When people can’t meet in person, even fictional characters and celebrities feel like friends. . .

The lockdown proved to be a bumper time for what researchers call “parasocial relationships,” that is, relationships with folks who don’t know you, but with whom you form an attachment. Because of the isolation and the direct access people had to celebrities via social media as well as via streaming platforms, many people became much more attentive to their favored celebrities. The study found that people maintained stable relationships with friends as the social distancing measures went on, but felt much closer to the celebrities they followed. The editors theorized this closeness might partly be the result of people consuming a lot more content in their homes, through their personal devices. “It‘s not the same as going to an arena and seeing the concert. They’re sitting at their house,” says Bevan, who acknowledged that Taylor Swift helped get her through some hard days. “It makes that experience a lot different.” These can be famous people, or even fictional characters.

These 5 resilience-building habits seemed to help couples soldier on. . .

“A problem a lot of couples can face during times of hardship or crisis is relational uncertainty—meaning they aren’t sure how committed they or their partners are or where the relationship is going,” says Helen Lillie, a post-doctoral Fellow at the University of Utah. According to the school of relationship science known as Communication Theory of Resilience, couples who focus on five habits can weather hard times more easily. The five techniques are: maintaining some semblance of normalcy with their routines, talking to their spouse as well as sympathetic others about their concerns, reminding themselves of who they are and what they believe, reframing their situation in a more positive or different way and focusing on how good things will be when the crisis is over. Lillie’s study surveyed 561 people to ascertain whether couples who used those strategies were getting on with their partners better during the pandemic, and found that they did. The study also found humor helped couples cope with the lockdown, although it didn’t always improve couple communication.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
STUDY
SCHMUDDY
. . .the only real evidence based data that really matters is:
Y O U R S. . .
HOW DID YOU FARE
HOW DID YOU DO IT
WHAT’S STILL WORKING
WHAT WILL YOU DITCH
No matter whatever has happened during this past year and some
in PANDEMIC PROPORTIONS
at the end of the day
and the beginning of Another
the final say is literally in
Y O U R


NOT SO FAST

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Was this past year and a half
a complete wash out because of the Pandemic
or were there a few
TAKE-A-WAYS. . .
Your Pandemic Habits May Fade Away—
But the Strength and Wisdom You Gained Won’t. . .

Jamie Ducharme, a frequent journalist for TIME MAGAZINE took a good look at glancing back over the past year to remind us that maybe,
JUST MAYBE
NOT EVERYTHING
wasn’t all bad
and some
ACTUALLY GOOD. . .

Since the pandemic began, the think-piece economy has churned out countless articles about how our world—work, medical care, cities, transit, social interactions—will be different when it finally ends. . .
But will we be different after the pandemic?

Judging by the fact that a New York Times essay titled, “You Can Be a Different Person After the Pandemic” quickly became a meme this past spring, it’s safe to say lots of people have changed over the last year-plus. How the pandemic changed your life, of course, depends very much on how you lived before it. A childless white-collar worker who spent a year at home in sweatpants obviously had a different pandemic experience than a doctor working ICU shifts, or a grocery clerk desperate for adequate PPE, or a single mom struggling to homeschool her kids while also supporting them.

But almost to a person, the pandemic altered some elements of our lives. Old habits, from grabbing coffee with friends to visiting the gym, were suddenly rendered unsafe. New behaviors—masking, social distancing, vigilant hand-washing—rapidly became routine. And in many cases, our personalities or values or temperaments changed too, as a byproduct of extra flexibility and free time, loneliness, fear, stress, awareness of mortality, or any number of other emotions brought on by this seismic event.

Now, as shots go into more arms every day, many of us are standing, blinking into the sunlight, and wondering what happens next. Will we still bake sourdough and tend our houseplants when there are once again other things to do? Will we return to offices, or to our old jobs at all? Will we ever feel safe shaking hands with a stranger, ever pack into a crowded bar without wondering who’s exhaling which germs?

In short. . .
Will we ever get back to where we were
B E F O R E. . .

Humans are adaptable; when our surroundings and circumstances change, so do we. It’s that skill that allowed us to develop new habits during the pandemic in the first place. Mask-wearing is one obvious example—something few people in the U.S. did regularly before March 2020 quickly became second nature for many.

Now, after performing pandemic-era routines for more than a year, they may feel permanent—but Benjamin Gardner, a behavior-change researcher at King’s College London, says people may be surprised by how quickly they fall into their old ways when their circumstances change back to normal. Habits explicitly based on “temporary changes to our situation,” such as wearing a mask in public, will likely be the first to go, Gardner says.

That’s already happening, particularly since the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention relaxed its mask guidance for fully vaccinated people. A May 25 Axios/Ipsos poll found that 45% of people in the U.S. said they always wear a mask outside the home, down from 58% earlier in May. That’s a clear sign that people are abandoning their pandemic-era behaviors, in line with historical examples. One 2009 research review examining public behavior during respiratory disease outbreaks concluded that people are quite willing to tweak their behavior at the most dangerous part of an outbreak, but that willingness fades over time. When the danger passes, we go back to the way we were.

Y I K E S

Routines formed during—but not in direct response to—the pandemic may also slip away once it ends, Gardner says. How you behave is dictated largely by where you are and who you’re with. If the context that cues a behavior stays the same, you’ll likely keep doing it. But if your context changes, so might your actions. If, for example, you used to buy lunch every day from the same salad place near your office, you may find yourself doing that again when you return to in-person work—even if you’ve steadfastly prepped all your meals at home during the pandemic.

Reward is another key element of habit formation. If activities are satisfying or pleasurable, Gardner says, we are logically more likely to do them regularly. But we may find different things rewarding after the pandemic than during it. For example, if you were home 24/7, cooking three meals a day may have felt like a nice pastime. When you’re back in an office, it may begin to feel like a chore. “If something is no longer rewarding, we may stick with it for a while and then slowly taper off,” Gardner says.

For some people, however, the pandemic may have served as a reset button. A 2017 study published in the Quarterly Journal of Economics found that, after a 2014 labor strike kept many commuters from taking the London Underground, about 5% afterward stuck with whatever alternate transport they’d adopted as a replacement. This finding, the authors write, suggests that when people are forced to change course, at least a portion of them find better options and stick with them.

So may be the case post-coronavirus—lots of people have discovered they like remote work and at-home workouts, among other facets of pandemic life, and don’t intend to go back to their old systems. “We’re likely to stick to aspects of our pandemic lifestyles if they can optimize our quality of life,” says Jacqueline Gollan, a psychology professor at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine who researches decision making.

Indeed, while many people are itching to return to their pre-coronavirus lifestyles, others have realized there was a better way to live all along. That helps explain why houses are selling fast and furious as people relocate, and why about half of U.S. workers said in a recent Fast Company/Harris Poll surveythey’re considering changing jobs. All told, about 70% of people said in a 2020 Coravin/OnePoll survey that they’d learned something about themselves during the pandemic and more than half felt embarrassed by what they valued pre-2020.

Some changes may also be outside our control, happening subconsciously in response to the conditions of the last year. Skyrocketing levels of depression and anxiety during the pandemic could lead to lasting, population-level upticks in mental health conditions, as research shows happens after natural disastersand wars.

The extent to which traumatic events have a lasting impact varies widely from person to person, says Karl Pillemer, a professor of human development at Cornell University. Personality matters—some people simply find it easier to bounce back than others—as does someone’s lot in life. Logically, if someone faced great hardship during the pandemic, or lost out on significant future opportunities, they are more likely to bear scars than someone who was comparably well off, Pillemer says.

But even those who were mostly fine during the pandemic may see subtle, lingering changes. The Great Depression is an illustrative example. Like the pandemic, it was a highly disruptive, widespread, and long-lasting event that fundamentally changed the way people lived. And just as many people who lived through the Great Depression maintained values like frugality, the pandemic may leave behind its own fingerprints—perhaps germaphobia, wariness of proximity to strangers or increased comfort with solitude.

“There might be an epidemic of mistrust” after the pandemic, suggests Pillemer. Flawed pandemic responses caused many Americans to lose faith in their elected officials, and trust in the media is at its lowest point in recent history. Arguably more affecting, strangers have been equated with danger during the pandemic. Solitude, in these times, is safe; crowds and social interaction are risky. Particularly for young children learning about the world, Pillemer says, it may take concerted effort to undo that conditioning.

But Pillemer says he is optimistic it can be done. From wars to recessions to terrorist attacks, nearly every generation has faced traumatic events, Pillemer notes. After each, there are some people who face long-term psychological effects, and the mental health system must be set up to recognize and care for them. But the majority of people, Pillemer says, do return to a steady state once the immediate crisis subsides. In many cases, they even grow from it. “People who go through adversity, especially in later life, develop wisdom, ability to regulate their emotions, resilience,” he says. “It is remarkable how resilient people are.”

In fact, research suggests older people weathered the pandemic’s psychological challenges better than younger generations. During the pandemic, adults 65 and older reported lower rates of anxiety, depression, substance use and suicidal ideation than any other age group, according to CDC data. That’s somewhat counterintuitive, given high rates of loneliness and isolation among the U.S. elderly, but that fortitude may come from dealing with difficult situations before. They had a kind of “inoculation against stress,” Pillemer says.

No one would choose to live through a pandemic, and the world has lost a staggering number of lives and livelihoods over its course. Those losses should never be discounted. But for those fortunate enough to come out on the other side, the pandemic may instill this kind of strength, Pillemer says.

So will we be different when we’re no longer living with COVID-19? Yes and no. Most of us will, in all likelihood, return largely to our pre-pandemic norms. We will socialize and commute and eat in restaurants, even if those things feel inconceivable now. Some people will make lasting changes to their lives, both mundane and monumental. And, hopefully, many of us will hold onto lessons learned during this time—such that next time we are faced with difficulty, we may have a better understanding of how we can overcome it.

OR. . .
or NOT

SO. . .
NOT SO FAST. . .
Before moving forward
have a quick look back
take some inventory
DARE
keep some of the things
that made your life
not just bearable
but actually better. . .

NOT SO FAST
. . .don’t just take a quick look back
TAKE A LONG GAWK
and bring along some of the things
that kept you,
Y O U

RESURFACING

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You have,
WE HAVE,
Haven’t we. . .
Not only have we been hit by a big wave
we’ve been drug under
and just when we think we’re coming up for air
. . .there’s another wave
and it’s more than taking a toll
and making us think:
IS IT REALLY SAFE TO GO OUT AGAIN?
Jamie Ducharme, a journalist from
TIME MAGAZINE
was not only wondering the same things
but incorporated some hints on

How to Soothe Your ‘Re-Entry Anxiety’ as COVID-19 Lockdowns Continue to Lift

Getty ImagesBY JAMIE DUCHARME  

When COVID-19 lockdowns were first instituted, it felt, for many people, unfathomable to stay home nearly 24/7. But for many people, maybe even you, it now feels equally strange—and nerve-wracking—to do anything else after months cocooned inside. Psychologists have dubbed the phenomenon “re-entry anxiety.”

Lily Brown, director of the Center for the Treatment and Study of Anxiety at the University of Pennsylvania’s Perelman School of Medicine, says there are two distinct types of re-entry anxiety. Some people are anxious because they have a “lurking fear” of catching or spreading COVID-19, she says, while others have fallen out of practice socializing and are finding it difficult to resume.

Both types of anxiety are likely driven by uncertainty and a fear of unknown harm, Brown says. Ambiguous and ever-changing public-health advice likely doesn’t help, either.

Brown says some anxiety is probably healthy as society reopens, since the virus is still spreading and still poses health risks. A little bit of nervousness can motivate you to follow public-health guidance like social distancing and wearing a mask. But when anxiety starts to interfere with your day-to-day life, it may be a problem, Brown says.

If you’re struggling to find the right balance, try these expert-backed tips for combating re-entry anxiety.

Take baby steps

“Exposure therapy“—or safely confronting sources of fear—is the gold-standard treatment for many fear and anxiety disorders. The same tactic may help with re-entry anxiety, says Dr. Ryan Sultan, an assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at Columbia University’s Irving Medical Center in New York City.

“Don’t go from staying locked in your apartment to taking the subway,” Sultan says. Instead, set progressive small goals that will get you closer to behavior you find scary. For example, you could start with a walk in the park alone, then try chatting with a friend from your window and finally go for a walk together.

If you do feel yourself getting pulled into an anxiety spiral, focus on your breathing. “The simplest way to pull yourself back from that anxiety is to really concentrate on taking controlled, slow, deep breaths,” Sultan says.

Start Soon

“Social isolation absolutely has short-term mental-health impacts,” Sultan says. “But it potentially also has long-term impacts, and they’re directly proportional to the duration. The longer people avoid things that are making them anxious, the harder they will be to overcome.”

That does not mean you should rush out and socialize just like you did before coronavirus. (Large social gatherings are still not condoned by health experts, and most recommend meeting up outdoors.) But think about what you can do safely right now—perhaps sitting with a friend in your backyard while wearing masks and staying six feet apart—and take steps to do it sooner rather than later.

But think long-term

Sultan says he’s seen multiple patients who are remaining more isolated than necessary because of re-entry anxiety. He asks them a simple question: “Is this the life that you want to live indefinitely?”

Almost invariably, he says, people realize they “miss being outside, seeing their friends, living their life.” Having that moment of realization can motivate people to start taking small steps back toward normal, Sultan says.

Be wary of crutches

Brown says it’s easy for recommended public-health practices, like washing your hands regularly, to spiral into “safety behaviors” that, consciously or subconsciously, you rely on to keep anxiety at bay.

Be honest about how these safety behaviors are affecting you. If wiping down your groceries “takes you five minutes and it really helps you,” it’s probably not a big deal, even if it’s not strictly recommended, Brown says. But if you’re spending hours a day cleaning your home, that could be a bigger issue. “It’s never really up to me to decide, ‘Is this behavior a problem?’” Brown says. Ask yourself, “Is it getting in the way of the life you want to be living?”

Recruit a partner

Like most behavior changes, quelling re-entry anxiety is easier with a buddy who can both support you and hold you accountable, Brown says.

Similarly, if someone if your life is struggling with re-entry anxiety, try to be their partner through it, Sultan says. “Ask them, ‘What would make you feel more comfortable doing this? Is there something I can do that would help you with that? What’s something you would feel comfortable with us doing?’”

Then, of course, actually accommodate their answers, rather than forcing the issue, Sultan says. If your loved one is too nervous to go to a busy park, try suggesting an early-morning visit to beat the crowds, rather than convincing them everything will be fine at midday, Sultan recommends. And remember that people may have COVID-19 risk factors that look different from yours. Respect that people are going to want to move at different paces, often by necessity.

Get help

One bright spot to the COVID-19 pandemic: it’s never been easier to connect with a mental health professional, thanks to an uptick in telemedicine services. If you’re struggling with anxiety, don’t hesitate to seek professional help, Brown says.

“I see people suffering with anxiety for years before they do anything about it,” she says. “We know that cognitive behavioral therapy is really effective in managing anxiety. My vote is always just reach out.”

If you don’t know where to get started, Brown says she and her colleagues can offer referrals. Contact them here. You can also call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s hotline 24/7 at 1-800-662-4357.

Has this piece of advice
been more important
than our new
N O W
. . .Finding your
NORTH
might be the fastest way to get to your
c e n t e r
and there’s no better time to begin
the new
N O W
t h a n
when you’re living on a
p r a y e r

CALM YOUR WATERS
AND SAIL ON
(just because it feels like the end of the world insures that it’s NOT)

For the HEALTH of IT

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Spending Time With Friends Is One of the Best Things You Can Do for Your Health
TRUE or FALSE

Jamie Ducharme from TIME MAGAZINE asked that question and took to finding out the TRUE and the FALSE of it all. . .

When someone sets out to improve their health, they usually take a familiar path: starting a healthy diet, adopting a new workout regimen, getting better sleep, drinking more water. Each of these behaviors is important, of course, but they all focus on physical health—and a growing body of research suggests that social health is just as, if not more, important to overall well-being.

One 2019 study published in the journal PLOS ONE, for example, found that the strength of a person’s social circle—as measured by inbound and outbound cell phone activity—was a better predictor of self-reported stress, happiness and well-being levels than fitness tracker data on physical activity, heart rate and sleep. That finding suggests that the “quantified self” portrayed by endless amounts of health data doesn’t tell the whole story, says study co-author Nitesh Chawla, a professor of computer science and engineering at the University of Notre Dame.

“There’s also a qualified self, which is who I am, what are my activities, my social network, and all of these aspects that are not reflected in any of these measurements,” Chawla says. “My lifestyle, my enjoyment, my social network—all of those are strong determinants of my well-being.”

Chawla’s theory is supported by plenty of prior research. Studies have shown that social support—whether it comes from friends, family members or a spouse—is strongly associated with better mental and physical health. A robust social life, these studies suggest, can lower stress levels; improve mood; encourage positive health behaviors and discourage damaging ones; boost cardiovascular health; improve illness recovery rates; and aid virtually everything in between. Research has even shown that a social component can boost the effects of already-healthy behaviors such as exercise.

Social isolation, meanwhile, is linked to higher rates of chronic diseases and mental health conditions, and may even catalyze cellular-level changes that promote chronic inflammation and suppress immunity. The detrimental health effects of loneliness have been likened to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It’s a significant problem, especially since loneliness is emerging as a public health epidemic in the U.S. According to recent surveys, almost half of Americans, including large numbers of the country’s youngest and oldest adults, are lonely.

A 2019 study conducted by health insurer Cigna and published in the American Journal of Health Promotion set out to determine what’s driving those high rates of loneliness. Unsurprisingly, it found that social media, when used so much that it infringes on face-to-face quality time, was tied to greater loneliness, while having meaningful in-person interactions, reporting high levels of social support and being in a committed relationship were associated with less loneliness. Gender and income didn’t seem to have a strong effect, but loneliness tended to decrease with age, perhaps because of the wisdom and perspective afforded by years of life lived, says Dr. Stuart Lustig, one of the report’s authors and Cigna’s national medical executive for behavioral health.

Lustig says the report underscores the importance of carving out time for family and friends, especially since loneliness was inversely related to self-reported health and well-being. Reviving a dormant social life may be best and most easily done by finding partners for enjoyable activities like exercising, volunteering, or sharing a meal, he says.

“Real, face-to-face time with people [is important], and the activity part of it makes it fun and enjoyable and gives people an excuse to get together,” Lustig says.

Lustig emphasizes that social media should be used judiciously and strategically, and not as a replacement for in-person relationships. Instead, he says, we should use technology “to seek out meaningful connections and people that you are going to be able to keep in your social sphere. It’s easy enough to find groups such as Meetups, or to find places to go where you’ll find folks doing what you want to do.” That advice is particularly important for young people, he says, for whom heavy social media use is common.

Finally, Lustig stresses that even small social changes can have a large impact. Striking up post-meeting conversations with co-workers, or even engaging inmicro-interactions with strangers, can make your social life feel more rewarding.

“There’s an opportunity to grow those kinds of quick exchanges into conversations and into more meaningful friendships over time,” Lustig says. “People should take those opportunities wherever they possibly can, because all of us, innately, are wired from birth to connect”—and because doing so may pay dividends for your health.

A I M I N G

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WE ALL WANT IT. . .
A CRYSTAL BALL
that’ll not only predict the
F U T U R E
but INSURE IT
which brings us to a
NEW YEAR
which brings us to a
HOST OF GOALS. . .
So Spill:
WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS FOR 2021
and maybe more importantly:
HOW DO YOU AIM IN KEEPING THEM. . . ?

photo of person taking out arrows from target board
Photo by Burst on Pexels.com

It reminds me of the classic story of a guy who bragged of all of the bullseyes he could guarantee any time, any place and when it came to
PUT UP/SHUT UP TIME
He would shoot his bow and arrow
F I R S T
and then draw a bullseye around his arrow
backing up his infamous guarantee
. . .uhhhhhhhhhhh
just not quite the way we
DRAW THEM UP. . .
So just what are your goals for 2021
and maybe more importantly:
HOW DO YOU AIM IN KEEPING THEM. . .

SO. . .How Do You Set Goals You’ll Actually Achieve

Getty ImagesBY AMANDA LOUDIN JANUARY 4, 2021 8:55 AM EST

Journalist, Amanda Loudin recently shared in TIME MAGAZINE that whether you want to run a marathon, eat more healthfully or just get off the couch a little more, “for the majority of people, setting a goal is one of the most useful behavior change mechanisms for enhancing performance,” says Frank Smoll, professor of psychology at the University of Washington. “It’s highly individual,” he says—there’s no one way to achieve a goal. But these goal-setting strategies will help you stay the course.

Pick a specific, realistic goal

People often start setting goals with a little too much gusto, trying to overhaul many aspects of their life at once. But that can quickly become overwhelming and backfire. “It’s better to have a systematic approach and identify the one or two that are the most important,” Smoll says.

Making your goal specific can help you follow through on it; research suggests that narrowly defining a goal helps you clarify the tasks necessary for reaching it. “You should define your goal discretely enough to measure and use it effectively,” Smoll says. 

It should also be realistic, says Zander Fryer, founder of the coaching company High Impact Coaching. He’s a fan of the Goldilocks-sized goal. “If it’s too big, it will scare you off; too small, and it won’t motivate you,” he says. “Each individual must figure out the goal that gets them moving.” To stay accountable, give yourself a timeline that you can achieve, recommends Fryer. “That will motivate you to take action.” 

Create a plan of attack

Whenever you set one goal, you should actually set two: a process goal and product goal, Smoll says. Aiming for a 4.0 grade-point average would be a product goal: the ultimate objective. A process goal would outline the steps it takes to get there. While the product goal gets all the attention, the process goal is equally vital. 

Write down a plan for how you’ll go about achieving your end goal, identifying specific strategies. If a hockey player wants to get 5% faster, for instance, “a productive achievement strategy could include skating additional 10 sprints after practice each day,” Smoll says. 

Jason Bahamundi, who has completed eight Ironman races and 30 ultramarathons, sets a process goal before every race. “I think a lot about the training, the timing and the cost of what I’m undertaking,” he says. “If I can think about the challenge and then work backwards, I’m successful.”

Be accountable to yourself and others

Setting the goal is the fun part. Sticking to it is tougher. “You will hit barriers and fears,” Fryer says, so accountability is important, especially at the beginning. “Having a mentor, a partner or social accountability will help when you reach a sticking point.” 

Fryer recommends choosing someone who you don’t want to disappoint, paying for a mentor or accountability partner or finding someone with similar objectives through a professional or social media group. This person can help by defining clear expectations, focusing on performance and monitoring progress. 

Honing your patience will be helpful as well. “Remind yourself that achieving a goal takes persistence, drive and resilience,” Fryer says. “Set your expectations that it will be harder and take longer than you expect.”

That means recognizing when you might need to stop and catch your breath. Bahamundi knows how to guard against mental fatigue by building breaks into his process, particularly when he’s preparing for long events. “I train hard for three weeks at a time and then take a full recovery week,” he says. Cycling through work and rest can help you avoid burnout in any endeavor, whether you’re aiming to lose weight, improve a relationship or launch a big career change.

Find joy in the process

Savoring how it feels to chase your goal is useful for maintaining motivation long term, says Brad Stulberg, a performance coach and co-founder of the Growth Equation. “Most people cycle through three stages: the grind of putting your head down and doing the work, anger and fear of failure, and enjoyment,” he says. But finding joy in showing up for the work is essential throughout the whole process and shouldn’t be left for the end. “Before you take on a goal, visualize the process and how it makes you feel,” Stulberg says. “If you become tight and constricted, it’s probably not the right goal or time. If you feel open and curious, that’s a good sign.”

The process won’t uplift you all the time, so it’s important to mark the little achievements en route to the big prize. “As you make progress along the way, celebrate each of the smaller steps,” says Smoll. “I like the saying ‘Yard by yard is hard, but inch by inch, it’s a cinch.’ Self validation is very motivating.”

When you do reach the finish line, you might just find that the process—not the product—was the real prize. “I know that every day I’m out there working is putting me in a better position to be successful on race day,” Bahamundi says. “The race is my celebratory lap for all the hard work I’ve put in.”

So just what are your goals for 2021
and maybe more importantly:
HOW DO YOU AIM IN KEEPING THEM. . . ?
By drawing Bullseyes all over the place
BEFORE TAKING AIM
AND SHOOTING YOUR ARROWS
BEFORE YOU DRAW
O R
are you gonna scrap your
PLAN A
and go with the multiple
PLAN B’s
that always seem to be the most
readily available
(just not the popular choosing/doing/getting WHAT WE’VE AIMED FOR)

Playing out the hand we’re dealt while searching for the missing
PIECE OF OUR PUZZLE
is a Candle Snuffer
to any new 2021
GOAL/DREAM
we could venture. . .
B U T
How about this. . .
if you wanna set a goal
set a dream
that you can achieve
that will never FAIL
that you set 100%
every day
and every day will set and achieve IT
S E T
THIS ONE:
I will be a better person today than I was yesterday with just one kind act!
Just one not 101 not 1001
just one
Even if it’s the same one that you did yesterday
. . .Just one kind act
My goal
My Dream
MY AIM
(a guaranteed Bullseye)
is just to be a better person
than I was yesterday. . .
And not only will that make for a better person
not only will that make for a better community
not only will that make a better world
it will make for a better
achievable
measurable
y o u
guaranteed
no fail. . .
BET IT!

MOVIED OUT

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CUTE AS A BUTTON
and all of the other
sappy stuff
that comes with
CHRISTMAS MOVIES
that has us reaching for the box of tissues
and wiping our eyes
before we remote control
ourselves to the next one
that’ll do the same thing all over again
(but only better)

Just what exactly
LIGHTS UP YOUR CHRISTMAS TREE. . . ?

Sure, Netflix Christmas Movies Are Often Patently Absurd; They’re Also Occasionally Perfect

It’s official: our brains are fried. The holiday season is stressful enough in normal times. But this year, what we wouldn’t give to have that normal level of present-buying, cookie-baking, tree-decorating stress, instead of all this 2020-specific heartache, anxiety and exhaustion. It’s enough to make you want to line up a bunch of Netflix Christmas movies and gaze upon them, one after another, with reckless disregard for alleged quality or degree of believability. In fact, the less realistic, the better. A Chicago cupcake baker—who bears an uncanny resemblance to the duchess of a phony European nation—falling in love with a prince? Calgon, take me away, Right?

By no means does Netflix have a monopoly on the brain-candy Christmas movie; these have been Lifetime and Hallmark Channel staples for years, and it’s likely that even people you’d never suspect harbor a secret favorite or two. (Hallmark’s The Nine Lives of Christmas, from 2014, involves cats and a fireman played by Brandon Routh. Probably only about eight people have seen that one.) But Netflix, in addition to flooding the market with original movies, makes it numbingly simple to watch one of these films after another, with barely a flick at your trackpad. You can stack up Holidate (an unsentimental Emma Roberts lines up Australian hottie Luke Bracey as a boyfriend for holidays only), Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey (a lively, if overlong, musical fantasy about an eccentric toy inventor played by Forrest Whitaker) and The Princess Switch: Switched Again—a sequel to the 2018 sensation featuring Vanessa Hudgens as the aforementioned duchess-doppelganger baker—all without having to leave the bathtub, unless you need to refill your wine glass. Once you’ve jetted through those, you can shimmy over to Alien Xmas, The Christmas Chronicles: Part Two, or any number of Christmas-themed offerings from earlier years. You could always just watch A Christmas Prince—or either of its two sequels—again.

I know what you’re going to ask next: Aren’t these movies bad? Shouldn’t I be embarrassed about watching them? The answer to the second question is NO, because how we respond emotionally to visual information is not an arena for shame or judgment. Does that mean that there are more beautifully made and wonderfully acted Christmas movies beyond these? Of course. Check out Jimmy Stewart in Ernst Lubitsch’s 1940 Shop Around the Corner—for my money the most beautiful, bittersweet holiday romance—for the lot of them.

It is possible to give yourself over to a movie even when it’s written in lingo you’ve seen many times before—to note how pretty a castle looks when it’s surrounded by snowy trees, to admire a fairy-tale character’s colorful wool coat, to succumb to the unsurprising surprise of two allegedly mismatched characters bumping into each other beneath the mistletoe—without scolding yourself for what gives you pleasure. The line between a cliché and a cherished convention is often so slim it’s almost undetectable.

So what awaits you in the Christmas 2020 Netflix queue? Holidate works too hard at being raunchy, but you may happen to have a soft spot for Emma Roberts and her resolute eyebrows. Plus, you’ve got Luke Bracey as a ridiculously good-looking manly-man golf pro with a surprisingly sensitive side. You may as well be eating ice cream right out of the carton. Jingle Jangle—a holiday fantasy aimed at kids, but not bad for adults—is quietly radical in its mostly Black cast. It’s a switch from the norm that underscores how misguided those norms are in the first place. Plus, the costumes (by Michael Wilkinson) are a delight, a riot of Victorian and steampunk silhouettes rendered in traditional Kente cloth and African wax prints.Madalen Mills as Journey Jangle and Forest Whitaker as Jeronicus Jangle in ‘Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey’ Gareth Gatrell/NETFLIX

But for pure candy-box escapism, the prize goes to The Princess Switch movies, with Vanessa Hudgens playing at least two different versions of Vanessa Hudgens. In the first Princess Switch, she’s the perky Chicago baker, Stacy De Novo, who, while attending a baking competition in the picturesquely phony European nation of Belgravia, discovers that she’s a dead ringer for svelte and elegant Lady Margaret, a royal denizen of the nearby and equally phony European nation known as Montenaro. Lady Margaret is engaged to be married to the Prince of Belgravia, the kind but seemingly bland Edward (Sam Palladio). Unfortunately, she’s just not that into him. Meanwhile, Stacy’s best friend and business partner, the totally hot and adorable Kevin (Nick Sagar), has a crush on her that’s been unrequited for years; Stacy loves Kevin platonically, but doesn’t feel any sparks. Margaret, bound by her royal duties, longs for more spontaneity; Stacy wouldn’t mind being a fancy royal for a day or so. And so the two switch identities, only to discover that one woman’s rejected beau is the other’s dream match. The movie ends with one royal wedding and a hint at a future engagement. Everybody goes home happy.

In The Princess Switch: Switched Again, Lady Margaret is about to be crowned Queen of Montenaro. Sadly, her acquiescence to royal duty has broken up her romance with Kevin (though you know that’s not going to stick). Enter Margaret’s bad gal cousin Fiona (played by—surprise!—Hudgens again), a party girl with a peroxide tumble of tresses, who favors tacky clubwear and faux furs in tones not found in nature. Fiona hatches a scheme to impersonate Margaret and thus become Montenaro’s monarch. Chaos ensues, though romance prevails.Vanessa Hudgens and Vanessa Hudgens in ‘The Princess Switched: Switched Again’ Netflix

If nothing else, how can you not love the idea of fictional countries with names that sound borrowed from 1960s sportswear companies? The Princess Switchand its followup are so indefensibly enjoyable they need no defense. Recently, over socially distanced lunch with a friend, I found myself regaling him with a highly animated summary of the first movie’s plot. “Oh. It’s Shakespeare,” he said, between bites of sandwich. (It’s also a device Mark Twain put to use in The Prince and the Pauper.) Stories of swapped identities, of one character being mistaken for another and causing mischief, or falling in love, are nothing new, and they were invented by people with good instincts for what human beings like. Our consistencies unite us across eras.

If you were to break the Princess Switch movies down to their barest elements, they could almost be performance art—big squares, circles and triangles that speak in ways that defy words. These are movies written in flag language, semaphore that can be read clearly from a great distance. Switched Again ends with (spoiler alert), a wedding, a reconciliation and a coronation, all of which tap out a code that our wilted minds receive gratefully. We may think our brains aren’t working, but they are; they’re experts in the art of the busman’s holiday. Love, forgiveness, the beauty of a sparkly gown: These are oversized signals, easy to read and comprehend from a great distance, reaching out to us as we watch from our respective isolated islands, or bathtubs. If they were good enough for the Elizabethans, they’re good enough for us. . .

So let’s have it:
WHAT ARE YOUR GO-TO’S
WHAT ARE YOUR TOP-FIVE-GOTTA-SEE-THEM-AT-CHRISTMAS-MOVIES:
A CHRISTMAS STORY
HOME ALONE
IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE
WHITE CHRISTMAS
CHRISTMAS VACATION
LAST CHRISTMAS
WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING
HOLIDAY
LOVE, ACTUALLY
If there was ever a year
to gush
to be sappy
to go all comedy
to reach far for the box of tissues
2020
is THAT year. . .
so pop some corn
get the fire crackling
turn on the Christmas tree lights
turn off all of the other lights
bundle up with your favorite blanket
and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
e n j o y
(and be the better for it)

An Easy Act to Follow

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IS THIS SAFE ENOUGH?
What to do
When to do it
HOW TO DO IT
WHAT DO WE NEED TO DO TO BE SAFE
AND TO KEEP THOSE AROUND US SAFE. . .
Buzz Sentences and remarks these days, huh?
So is this:
WE HAVE GIVEN UP ON COVID-19
BUT COVID-19 HAS NOT GIVEN UP ON US
So let’s simplify this
A G A I N
especially as we ready ourselves
for the upcoming 4th of July weekend

Here’s Five Easy Ways to Encourage Safe Behavior During the Pandemic

Research provides some tips on how to get each other to wear masks, wash our hands, and keep distance. 

Journalist  JILL SUTTIE with Time Magazine helps us navigate the not-so-complex into a simpler new NEW as we individually attempt to care for others enough to take COVID-19 down. . .

It’s frustrating to see people not comply with health advisories—and it’s worrying. Health experts report that wearing masks and keeping our distance are clearly effective at slowing the spread of the coronavirus. Washing our hands regularly, avoiding crowded spaces, and staying home when we feel ill are also ways of supporting public health goals.

How can we CARINGLY encourage people to take these seriously, especially when it’s inconvenient to them? 

Luckily, science suggests that there are many ways to nudge people in the right direction. Since we so badly need to keep this virus under control—especially once we have more freedom of movement—it becomes more important than ever to figure out what works. Here are five ways research has identified to encourage people to protect themselves and each other from the pandemic.

1. Appeal to concern for others

As a species, we humans naturally care about others’ welfare and will often act cooperatively for the benefit of our group. In fact, research shows that our first instincts in a disaster are to act “prosocially”—meaning, acting to benefit the welfare of others rather than doing what benefits us. 

In a recent study from Sweden, researchers measured participants’ prosociality by having them fill out a questionnaire and play an economics game in which they could avoid exposing others to risk for their own benefit; then, they collected information about what kinds of steps participants had taken to prevent viral spread. Their findings suggest that people with higher prosociality scores were more likely to follow guidelines about hygiene and social distancing, and they were more likely to buy masks, donate, or spend more time reading about the virus. 

As many of us have prosocial instincts already, appealing to that side of us might be important in a pandemic, as another recent study found. 

In that study, conducted in the United States at two points in time during the viral outbreak, researchers tested different messaging to see how it affected participants’ intentions to comply with preventative measures—like washing their hands frequently, not touching their face, staying home whenever possible, or stocking up on cleaning supplies.

In the first experiment in March, they tested different messages about COVID prevention: to protect others in one’s community, avoid becoming ill or dying oneself, or protect oneself and others (a combination). A fourth message did not emphasize potential victims at all.

Results showed that people were significantly more willing to take precautions if the message focused on benefiting others, with the combined message being no more effective than the prosocial message alone. This suggests that people may be most motivated to prevent the spread of the virus when primed with concern for other people. 

These results were somewhat surprising, says lead author Jillian Jordan, given that it could have gone either way. “There’s a lot of research suggesting that while people do care a great deal about themselves and are self-interested, people also care a lot about other people and those social motivations are big part of our behavior,” she says. 

In a follow-up experiment within the same study—conducted a month later, as coronavirus cases spiked in the U.S.—these differences around messaging effects tended to disappear, with appeals to promoting public or personal health being equally effective. Jordan isn’t sure why—it could have been small differences in her methods or the changing national conversation around the pandemic. But, whatever the case, prosocial messaging was surprisingly robust.

“The key takeaway is that prosocial messages are no less effective than self-interested messages,” she says. “That reaffirms the idea that prosocial motivation does have some power.” 

2. Be a role model

Unfortunately, there will always be people who are tempted to forego protections, especially the longer the risk period lasts. For those who are at less risk of serious illness, the temptation may be even stronger.

Researchers who study cooperative groups call these folks “free riders,” because they take advantage of others’ cooperative behavior to benefit themselves. For example, they may decide that with everyone else staying at home or wearing masks in public, they can safely go outside mask-free with little chance of infection. 

“When we leave our own homes, we are looking around and noticing if other people are wearing a mask”

―Dominic Packer, Lehigh University

Unfortunately, “free riders” can poison cooperative action. After all, being “good” comes at a cost of personal freedom, and, especially in a more individualistic society, that’s a hard lift. To see other people flaunting the rules could make compliant people feel they are being taken advantage of.

How to discourage free riders and make compliance the norm?

As one of the paper’s coauthors, Lehigh University psychologist Dominic Packer, argues, we’re subtly influenced by the behaviors of those around us. So, if we are exposed to people who are generally adhering to recommended guidelines, we are more apt to adhere to them ourselves, and that behavior can spread in a community.

“When we leave our own homes, we are looking around and noticing if other people are wearing a mask or showing up to grocery stores and waiting in lines, and we’re using that to inform us about how much other people are listening to the CDC and thinking it’s a good source of information,” says Packer.

3. Appeal to common humanity and shared values

Our tendency to go along with what we see others doing depends on our personal identities, too, says Packer. For example, in the U.S., social distancing and mask wearing has been embraced more by liberals/Democrats and eschewed more by conservatives/Republicans.

“Our politics are so polarized that we don’t just look at what members of our own group are doing and say, ‘Oh, I should do that’; we also look at whatever the out-group is doing and say, ‘Well, I shouldn’t do that,’” he says.

That’s why shaming people who don’t comply with norms probably won’t work well, says Packer. While shaming can get people to change their behavior when they identify strongly with the person shaming them—let’s say, your church group telling you to wear a mask—it can backfire and increase your opposition if you don’t identify with the person shaming you.

What can we do instead? It’s important to highlight our common humanity and remember our shared moral values. If this messaging isn’t coming from national leadership, we can encourage people to remember their other, non-political identities—as Americans, parents, or community members, for example—to help the norm spread, says Packer.

In spite of political bickering, he is encouraged that the norm of being careful has spread as much as it has. Creating a new norm around behaviors like wearing masks or staying indoors—which are foreign to most Americans—is pretty remarkable, he says.

“Given that we can’t draw on prior experiences and that we’re getting a lot of conflicting information from news outlets and government authorities, the amount of behavior change we have seen in such a short period of time is truly astonishing—like, unprecedented.” 

4. Make the messages authoritative and consistent

Prosocial messaging may help to keep people focused on being cooperative rather than looking out for themselves. But, with the messaging around the virus changing rapidly—and, in the U.S. at least, the messages being skewed for political reasons—it’s more difficult to keep that spirit of unified action alive.

Messaging matters when it comes to individual behavior. For example, one recent study found that when you frame the dangers from the coronavirus in economic costs rather than public health costs, people are less willing to take precautions to protect themselves or others from the virus. The study also found that when messages of precaution came from an authoritative source (in this experiment, President Trump), people were more willing to follow them than when they came from an expert source (the CDC).

This means that consistent messaging from authorities about the importance of maintaining social distancing and other forms of protection is helpful for encouraging ongoing compliance. Unfortunately, that’s not happening in the United States, where the pandemic has (at this writing) killed over 129,000 people—in part because of confused messaging. We can at least take responsibility for controlling our own messaging—to our kids and family, coworkers, and followers on social media. Perhaps our leaders will follow suit.

5. Make the positive impact visible

People need to hear that their actions are making a difference.

In a recent paper synthesizing decades of research, scientists suggest that we can encourage compliance with prevention measures by reporting on the benefits of accrued cooperation—meaning, let people know that their actions are resulting in lowered hospitalization and death rates. People are more likely to continue with difficult advice when they feel that it’s actually making a difference.

There’s also a good way to recognize each other’s efforts: gratitude. Saying “thanks” to other people who adhere to wearing masks and social distancing can also help, the researchers argue. Not only does gratitude make people feel good about what they’re doing, but it can also encourage them to “pay it forward” and to want to do more to help others. I actually tell those that I see with a mask, “THANK YOU FOR TAKING CARE OF ME”

Public displays of gratitude—as well as offering opportunities for people to help one another through neighborhood groups or community organizations—can build community, too, and bring momentum to the movement to continue taking precautions as time goes on.

“Doing so would spotlight the cooperation at the heart of social distancing and implement the reciprocity shown to generate cooperation in social dilemmas,” the study authors write.

All of these steps—appealing to our prosocial natures and common humanity; being a good role model; consistent, authoritative messaging; and making impact visible—can help us to do the hard work of protecting others and increasing the common good. If the pandemic has taught us anything, it’s that we need to think of ourselves as one big human family all trying to fight this virus together. It’s really not a SMALL WORLD so much as just a BIG LIVING ROOM of which we all share a sacred space made even more hallowed by the care we can show for others just by MASKING UP

I’ve never been much of a
FINGER POINTER
but I don’t mind
POINTING OUT
that it doesn’t mean a whole lot
if I do for you what
I THINK YOU NEED
instead of what you’re telling me
WHAT YOU REALLY NEED
. . .that’s the true difference between
C A R I N G
and
a p a t h y
Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
There’s no
M A S K I N G
the
variance

Forbidden to buy a Painting

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Sometimes
Winning the Lottery
has so much more than
a dollar amount. . .
Sometimes
it’s something so much more
valuable
E X P E N S I V E
P R I C E L E S S. . .
that’s what I thought
THE FIRST TIME
I saw Titus Kaphar’s painting
and then read his poem
which painted many different
i m a g e s
in the pages of my mind

‘I Cannot Sell You This Painting.’ Artist Titus Kaphar on his George Floyd TIME Cover

Painting by Titus Kaphar for TIMEIDEASBY TITUS KAPHAR JUNE 4, 2020 6:19 AM EDTTitus Kaphar is an American artist whose work examines the history of representation 

Artist Titus Kaphar painted the portrait that appears on the cover of this week’s TIME. He has written the following piece to accompany the work which hopefully now will be a part of our work:

I
can not
sell
you
this
painting.
In her expression, I see the Black mothers who are unseen, and rendered helpless in this fury against their babies.
As I listlessly wade through another cycle of violence against Black people,
I paint a Black mother…
eyes closed,
furrowed brow,
holding the contour of her loss.
Is this what it means for us?
Are black and loss
analogous colors in America?
If Malcolm could not fix it,
if Martin could not fix it,
if Michael,
Sandra,
Trayvon,
Tamir,
Breonna and
Now George Floyd…
can be murdered
and nothing changes…
wouldn’t it be foolish to remain hopeful?
Must I accept that this is what it means to be Black
in America?
Do
not
ask
me
to be
hopeful.
I have given up trying to describe the feeling of knowing that I can not be safe in the country of my birth…
How do I explain to my children that the very system set up to protect others could be a threat to our existence?
How do I shield them from the psychological impact of knowing that for the rest of our lives we will likely be seen as a threat,
and for that
We may die?
A MacArthur won’t protect you .
A Yale degree won’t protect you .
Your well-spoken plea will not change hundreds of years of institutionalized hate.
You will never be as eloquent as Baldwin,
you will never be as kind as King…
So, 
isn’t it only reasonable to believe that there will be no
change
soon?
And so those without hope…
Burn.
This Black mother understands the fire.
Black mothers
understand despair.
I can change NOTHING in this world,
but in paint,
I can realize her….
This brings me solace…
not hope,
but solace.
She walks me through the flames of rage.
My Black mother rescues me yet again.
I want to be sure that she is seen.
I want to be certain that her story is told.
And so,
this time
America must hear her voice.
This time
America must believe her.
One
Black
mother’s
loss
WILL
be
memorialized.
This time
I will not let her go.
I
can not
sell
you
this
painting.

and then. . .
I saw this little thumbnail picture
way down in the right hand corner of
Titus’s poem
and these words spilled out of me
from heart
through my eyes
down my cheeks
onto a crumbled piece of discarded paper
that missed the garbage can
from short range:

Why
NOW
am I always on the 
Verge of Tears
With a movie clip
Or just the mention of it
A poem
Or just a well spoken phrase
A song 
With or without lyrics 
A scene
A smell
A glance
A touch 
A sound 
An indescribable feeling
And then
THERE
A flow of tears
No lash can hold back
Or no longer Dam
Flows a liquid saltiness
That can’t be 
Diluted 
But can only 
Water
Nourish 
What’s waited to grow
But never been fully planted
Or hardly nurtured 
But now no longer 
Ignored
I’m always on the verge of tears 
Now
F I N A L L Y
(And hopefully for an ever)
Lump in the throat
Unswallowable
that never chokes
but makes the breath
in and out
different

Sometimes
Winning the Lottery
has so much more than
a dollar amount. . .
Sometimes
it’s something so much more
valuable
E X P E N S I V E
P R I C E L E S S. . .
Mr Kaphar
can’t sell me his painting
not because
he’s holding out
so much as us
HOLDING ON
(to all of the wrong things)

Professional Speaker, Author, Assurance Man