The Caring Catalyst

Who Cares - What Matters

That Kindness Beat

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What’s the song
—your song—
that you’re giving,
teaching the world to hear,
hum
 As the world fights to figure everything out,
Political unrest
COVID,
BLM,
Life. . .
It’s an easy question
for the current moments
as we quickly leave the Holiday’s
(WHAT HOLIDAY’S)
way out of the sight of our rear view mirrors:
DO YOU WANT TO HAVE A GREAT MONDAY. . . ?
DO YOU WANT A GUARANTEED MOST AWESOME LIFE. . . ?
Be Bold Enough
T R Y
Holding doors for strangers
Letting people cut in front of you in traffic
Keeping babies entertained in grocery lines
Stopping to talk to someone who is lonely
(or someone who’s not)
Tipping generously
Sharing food
Giving children (and the Children in all of us)
a thumbs-up
Being patient with sales clerks and tired waitresses
Smiling at passersbys
Complimenting strangers. . .
W H Y ?
Because
from now on
standing to live in a world
where love is invisible
is no longer acceptable. . .
Join me in
BEING
k i n d n e s s
PERSONIFIED COMPASSION
Understanding
judging less. . .
Be kind to a stranger
give grace to people who may be having a bad day
(assuming that everyone you meet might be having their worst day ever)
Be forgiving with yourself.
If you can’t find kindness
(because it hides sometimes better than showing off it’s bad self)
BE KINDNESS
Person by Person
Put down forever
the gavel of judgement
and it that hallowed
S i L e N c E
HEAR PEACE
That KINDNESS BEAT
that’ll do much more than get your foot tapping
. . .it’ll get it
MARCHING
in a new direction
HEAR YE,
HEAR YE. . .

A POEM OF US

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Quite a lot to stand up at
Attention
Salute
and notice these past few days
all in a word
U N I T Y
but like most
w o r d s
they mean little
until they take on a meaning
far past
and deeper
than an ear can hear
a mouth can shout
or a mind, understand. . .
Maybe that’s an odd definition of a Poem
but when it’s
E X P E R I E N C E D
hearing or reading it
doesn’t matter
until it does
. . .until it does BOTH

Amanda Gorman’s Inaugural Poem
“THE HILL WE CLIMB”

Amanda Gorman became only the sixth inaugural poet in history,  and the youngest ever, on Wednesday when she read her poem “The Hill We Climb” after the swearing-in of President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris.

Gorman’s poem – written at least partially in the aftermath of the insurrection at the U.S. Capitol Building on Jan. 6 – weaves the soaring language typical of inaugural poems past with sharp, syncopated lines about events from just days ago.

The Inaugural Poem has become a tradition for Democratic presidents since John F. Kennedy’s inauguration in 1961, when Robert Frost read his poem “The Gift Outright.”

At his first inaugural address in 1993, President Bill Clinton invited Maya Angelou to read her poem “On the Pulse of Morning.” Poet Miller Williams read at Clinton’s second inauguration, and Barack Obama had readings by poets Elizabeth Alexander and Richard Blanco at both of his ceremonies.

Gorman, a 22-year-old Harvard graduate, became the country’s first National Youth Poet Laureate in 2017. She is the author of the poetry book “The One for Whom Food is Not Enough.”

“Mr. President, Dr. Biden, Madam Vice President, Mr. Emhoff, Americans and the world: When the day comes we ask ourselves, ‘where can we find light in this never-ending shade, the loss we carry, a sea we must wade?’

We’ve braved the belly of the beast, we’ve learned that quiet isn’t always peace. And the norms and notions of what just is isn’t always justice. And yet the dawn is ours before we knew it, somehow we do it. Somehow we’ve weathered and witnessed a nation that isn’t broken, but simply unfinished.

We, the successors of a country and a time where a skinny Black girl descended from slaves and raised by a single mother can dream of becoming president only to find herself reciting for one.

And yes, we are far from polished, far from pristine, but that doesn’t mean we are striving to form a union that is perfect. We are striving to forge our union with purpose. To compose a country committed to all cultures, colors, characters and conditions of man.

And so we lift our gazes not to what stands between us, but what stands before us. We close the divide, because we know to put our future first, we must first put our differences aside. We lay down our arms so we can reach out our arms to one another. We seek harm to none and harmony for all.

“Let the globe, if nothing else, say this is true: that even as we grieved, we grew; that even as we hurt, we hoped; that even as we tired, we tried; that we’ll forever be tied together victorious, not because we will never again know defeat but because we will never again sow division. 

Scripture tells us to envision that ‘everyone shall sit under their own vine and fig tree and no one shall make them afraid.’ If we’re to live up to our own time, then victory won’t lie in the blade but in all the bridges we’ve made.

That is the promise to glade, the hill we climb if only we dare it, because being American is more than a pride we inherit – it’s the past we step into and how we repair it. 

We’ve seen a force that would shatter our nation rather than share it, would destroy our country if it meant delaying democracy. And this effort very nearly succeeded. But while democracy can be periodically delayed, it can never be permanently defeated.

In this truth, in this faith we trust for while we have our eyes on the future, history has its eyes on us. This is the era of just redemption we feared at its inception.

We did not feel prepared to be the heirs of such a terrifying hour, but within it we found the power to author a new chapter, to offer hope and laughter to ourselves. So while once we asked ‘how could we possibly prevail over catastrophe,’ now we assert: ‘how could catastrophe possibly prevail over us?’

We will not march back to what was, but move to what shall be: a country that is bruised but whole, benevolent but bold, fierce and free. We will not be turned around or interrupted by intimidation because we know our enaction and inertia will be the inheritance of the next generation.

Our blenders become their burdens but one thing is certain: If we merge mercy with might, and might with right, then love becomes our legacy in change, our children’s birthright.

So let us leave behind a country better than the one we were left. With every breath from my bronze-pounded chest, we will raise this wounded world into a wondrous one. We will rise from the gold-limbed hills of the west, we will rise from the winds swept north, east where our forefathers first realized revolution. We will rise from the lake-rinsed cities of the midwestern states. We will rise from the sun-baked South. We will rebuild, reconcile, and recover in every known nook of our nation and every corner called our country, our people diverse and beautiful will emerge battered and beautiful.

When day comes, we step out of the shade, aflame and unafraid. The new dawn blooms as we free it. For there is always light if only we’re brave enough to see it, if only we’re brave enough to be it.”

A Poem
uses words
Great Poems inspire actions
which transpires them. . .
T H A T
we may all be more
ADJECTIVES
than NOUNS
are never anything less
than Words
actually becoming Flesh
giving words and actions
a deeper
longer-lasting
M E A N I N G
leading down
a-not-so-overly-familiar-road
to a day
that can’t be found or contained
on a calendar. . .
Great is the Day:

May the words
New
Beginning
Unity
be the Colorful Threads
that find themselves
in Each of our Tapestries
that fly high
in a gentle breeze of
CHANGE
(always for the better)

A Poem of
U S
never has to rhyme
to give us
R E A S O N


INAUGURATED

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C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S
THIS IS YOUR DAY
not a personal
Christmas
Birthday
Memorial Day
Independence Day
Easter
Passover
Hanukkak
Kwanzaa
Labor Day
Halloween
Thanksgiving
New Year’s
No, no. . .
It is YOUR INAUGURATION DAY
Y O U R S
THE DAY
you will begin to bring a phase of
U N I T Y
the likes
you or no one else has ever experienced,
YOU

The inaugural speech that will be given in just a few mere hours is likely to echo calls for unity that predecessors have invoked since the first time George Washington was sworn in.

“Unity has always been an aspiration,” says presidential historian Douglas Brinkley. “It seems like whenever we have foreign policy flare-ups, we use the word freedom. But when we have domestic turmoil we use the word unity.”

The United States was forged through compromise among factions that disagreed profoundly on slavery, regional influence and the relative powers of state and federal government. When Washington assumed office in 1789 he cited the blessings of providence in noting that “the tranquil deliberations and voluntary consent of so many distinct communities, from which the event has resulted, cannot be compared with the means by which most governments have been established.”

Jefferson was the third U.S. president, and the first whose rise was regarded by opponents as a kind of emergency. The 1800 election won by Jefferson marked the beginning of competing political parties — Jefferson was a leader of the Democratic-Republican Party, losing incumbent John Adams a Federalist — and critics regarded the new president as a dangerous atheist. “JEFFERSON — AND NO GOD!!!” was how one Federalist paper described Jefferson’s candidacy. Adams did not attend the inauguration, a breach rarely repeated although Trump has vowed to do the same.

“Let us then, fellow citizens, unite with one heart and one mind,” Jefferson urged in his address. “We are all republicans: we are all federalists. If there be any among us who would wish to dissolve this union, or to change its republican form, let them stand undisturbed as monuments of the safety with which error of opinion may be tolerated, where reason is left free to combat it.”

Supreme Court Chief Justice John Marshall, a Federalist who administered the oath of office to Jefferson, wrote later that the speech was “in the general well judged and conciliatory.”

Lincoln’s pleas were more dire, and tragically unmet, despite what historian Ted Widmer calls his “genius to combine urgency with literary grace.” Seven out of 11 future Confederate states had seceded from the U.S. before he spoke, in March 1861, over fears he would end slavery. The Civil War would begin a month later. “We are not enemies, but friends,” Lincoln had insisted, reminding fellow Americans of their “mystic chords of memory” while also warning that resistance to the will of voters would destroy democracy.

“A majority held in restraint by constitutional checks and limitations, and always changing easily with deliberate changes of popular opinions and sentiments, is the only true sovereign of a free people. Whoever rejects it does of necessity fly to anarchy or to despotism,” he said.

Historian David Greenberg, whose books include “Nixon’s Shadow” and “Republic of Spin,” cites Richard Nixon’s inaugural in 1969 as another speech given at a time of social turmoil. The U.S. was violently divided over the Vietnam War and civil rights, and Nixon himself had long been seen as an unprincipled politician exploiting fears and resentments — appealing to what he would call “the silent majority.” His speech at times was openly and awkwardly modeled on the 1961 inaugural of John F. Kennedy, who had defeated Nixon in 1960.

“We are caught in war, wanting peace. We are torn by division, wanting unity,” Nixon stated. “We cannot learn from one another until we stop shouting at one another — until we speak quietly enough so that our words can be heard as well as our voices.”

Some presidents asked for unity, others asserted it.

Franklin Roosevelt, elected in a landslide in 1932 during the Great Depression, said in his first inaugural speech: “If I read the temper of our people correctly, we now realize as we have never realized before our interdependence on each other.” Four years later, having won by an even greater landslide, he declared the country had “recognized” a need beyond financial help, a “deeper” need, “to find through government the instrument of our united purpose.”

Unity can prove more imagined than real. When James Buchanan spoke in 1857, three years before the Civil War, he claimed that “all agree that under the Constitution slavery in the states is beyond the reach of any human power except that of the respective states themselves wherein it exists.” Rutherford B. Hayes, whose presidency was marked by the retrenchment of federal troops from the post-Civil War South and ongoing resistance from Southern whites to equal rights for Blacks, declared during his 1877 inaugural that true peace could be achieved through the “united and harmonious efforts of both races” and the honest work of local self-government.

“A president often claims the country is ‘united’ behind a belief when it’s more wishful thinking than reality,” Widmer says. “I’m not sure how many Americans wanted to do something for their country after JFK asked them to — although there were impressive new kinds of volunteers, like the Peace Corps. And I think that many Americans still appreciated help from the government, even after Ronald Reagan declared that ‘government is the problem.’ “

So let’s have it. . .
what’s your speech
what are you going to say to
unify
validate
inspire
motivate
guide

What will you Legislate in your Personal Constitution:

What will you Amend into Law

Before you BRING HOPE
who will you look to
GET HOPE. . .

NOW THAT’S AN INAUGURAL STATEMENT
let it begin in the very Soul of
US
and beat from the very Heart of
US

BOO-HOO

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T I S S U E. . . ?

boo-hoo

verb

  bü-ˈhü  , ˈbü-ˌhü \variants:  or boohooor less commonly boo hooboo-hooed or boohooed; boo-hooing or boohooing

Definition of boo-hoo

intransitive verb: to weep loudly and with sobs … even the impeccable Lord Jeffrey, editor of the Edinburgh Review, confessed to having cried—blubbered, boohooed, snuffled, and sighed—over the death of Little Nell in The Old Curiosity Shop.— Tom WolfeJoey kept boo-hooing like a real idiot.— Christopher Paul Curtis—often used as an interjection especially in mocking imitation of another’s tears, complaints, unhappiness, etc.Before she finished her question, one twin and then the other began to cry. “Boohoo, boohoo,” Ernie mocked. “I’m not staying with crybabies.”— Nancy Smiler LevinsonHe said as long as I was being so pure, why not give her the real scoop on her old man? I said because it would crush her. Boo hoo, he said.— George Saunders

Other Words from boo-hoo

boo-hooor boohoonoun, plural boo-hoos or boohoos … the tough Garden crowd reacted with boos instead of boo-hoos. — Richard Johnsonboo-hooingor boohooingnoun “Woman: cease this detestable boohooing instantly; or else seek the shelter of some other place of worship.” — George Bernard Shaw No one feels good after being dumped. The loudest boo-hooing seems to be coming from young people … — Jane Bryant Quinn

Uhhhhhh. . .Maybe this is a better graphic definition of
BOO-HOO-ING. . .
what Ben Rothlisberger and all of Steeler Nation

did this past Sunday night when the Cleveland Browns,
decimated with COVID19 breakouts and injuries
severely upset the Steelers. . .
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the Pain
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the Shame
until very early Monday Morning
right after I got to the inpatient hospice unit
where a patient had just died
moments before I encountered his son
in the hallway. . .

My tears were still wet and and now cold and still too salty for any kind of good flavoring from the hours earlier beat down of my favorite team
natural because I was born in bred less than 30 minutes
from Heinz Field
I know, I know, BOO-HOO
The Browns not only beat but embarrassed and eliminated the Steelers on this God-forsaken Sunday night. . .
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh the pain of the grief;
the shame. . .
No matter which way you spin it, it doesn’t make a difference. . .
until the difference
makes all the difference
in a world that values even a smidgen of CARE;
A little after 7:30 on this Monday morning I met a son who’s dad just died just moments before I arrived. And as I was expressing my condolences and letting him know a little bit about how we’re still going to be there for him, because his dad was our patient, but he, his mom and his sister were our concern right now.
He said, “You know what was special for me?” He swallowed hard and tears set on the edge of the BROWNS Face mask he had pulled high up on his nose. “What was special for me is that my dad and I got to watch one of the greatest Browns football games ever; that we had a moment that nobody can ever take away from us.” He wiped his eyes as he paused and then continued, “And they not only one the first playoff game in decades, but they beat the Freaking Pittsburgh Steelers in Pittsburgh. Man, what a great night.”
And as we talked about all the dark clouds that have forever seemed to overshadow the city of Cleveland; The Curse and The Fumble, The Drive, he said that this made up for everything.
Erin always tells me (usually when the Steelers get beat) “IT’S JUST A GAME!” and I always tell her
until it isn’t. . .
as I go sulking away into the dark night of my soul. . .
B U T
 In that encounter
At that Moment
I had with that man
(who’s name I never knew)
who was now crying in front of me
not because his dad had just died
or because he was grieving his father
and not because he had just had a moment
and not just a special moment
but the defining moment
of his and his dad‘s life
not the end of his life
but really
the continuing of both of their lives
interwoven together with the golden thread
of that one single moment
and that he was a part of that
and he didn’t miss it
and how sacredly hallowed it was. . .
I guess some tears are more salty than others

Some tears are just to warm and wet
to be soaked up in the best of towels
In fact
there are some tears
that literally inspire other tears
that are way less salty, too. . .
The only thing that makes a moment better
than the moment
is sharing it with somebody
so they can have
a some kind of a moment, too 
and for this humble Caring Catalyst
I’m more of a grateful
recipient
than a
deflated fan

BOO-HOO
. . .I think not

THE MORAL OF THE STORY

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Sometimes. . .
there’s no need for the
Moral of the Story
Sometimes. . .
we are the
MORAL OF THE STORY
which is. . .
________________________________________________________________________
(GO AHEAD, FILL IN THE BLANK)
Sometimes. . .
it really is this simple:

OR
(even more simply):

(that is all)

A I M I N G

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WE ALL WANT IT. . .
A CRYSTAL BALL
that’ll not only predict the
F U T U R E
but INSURE IT
which brings us to a
NEW YEAR
which brings us to a
HOST OF GOALS. . .
So Spill:
WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS FOR 2021
and maybe more importantly:
HOW DO YOU AIM IN KEEPING THEM. . . ?

photo of person taking out arrows from target board
Photo by Burst on Pexels.com

It reminds me of the classic story of a guy who bragged of all of the bullseyes he could guarantee any time, any place and when it came to
PUT UP/SHUT UP TIME
He would shoot his bow and arrow
F I R S T
and then draw a bullseye around his arrow
backing up his infamous guarantee
. . .uhhhhhhhhhhh
just not quite the way we
DRAW THEM UP. . .
So just what are your goals for 2021
and maybe more importantly:
HOW DO YOU AIM IN KEEPING THEM. . .

SO. . .How Do You Set Goals You’ll Actually Achieve

Getty ImagesBY AMANDA LOUDIN JANUARY 4, 2021 8:55 AM EST

Journalist, Amanda Loudin recently shared in TIME MAGAZINE that whether you want to run a marathon, eat more healthfully or just get off the couch a little more, “for the majority of people, setting a goal is one of the most useful behavior change mechanisms for enhancing performance,” says Frank Smoll, professor of psychology at the University of Washington. “It’s highly individual,” he says—there’s no one way to achieve a goal. But these goal-setting strategies will help you stay the course.

Pick a specific, realistic goal

People often start setting goals with a little too much gusto, trying to overhaul many aspects of their life at once. But that can quickly become overwhelming and backfire. “It’s better to have a systematic approach and identify the one or two that are the most important,” Smoll says.

Making your goal specific can help you follow through on it; research suggests that narrowly defining a goal helps you clarify the tasks necessary for reaching it. “You should define your goal discretely enough to measure and use it effectively,” Smoll says. 

It should also be realistic, says Zander Fryer, founder of the coaching company High Impact Coaching. He’s a fan of the Goldilocks-sized goal. “If it’s too big, it will scare you off; too small, and it won’t motivate you,” he says. “Each individual must figure out the goal that gets them moving.” To stay accountable, give yourself a timeline that you can achieve, recommends Fryer. “That will motivate you to take action.” 

Create a plan of attack

Whenever you set one goal, you should actually set two: a process goal and product goal, Smoll says. Aiming for a 4.0 grade-point average would be a product goal: the ultimate objective. A process goal would outline the steps it takes to get there. While the product goal gets all the attention, the process goal is equally vital. 

Write down a plan for how you’ll go about achieving your end goal, identifying specific strategies. If a hockey player wants to get 5% faster, for instance, “a productive achievement strategy could include skating additional 10 sprints after practice each day,” Smoll says. 

Jason Bahamundi, who has completed eight Ironman races and 30 ultramarathons, sets a process goal before every race. “I think a lot about the training, the timing and the cost of what I’m undertaking,” he says. “If I can think about the challenge and then work backwards, I’m successful.”

Be accountable to yourself and others

Setting the goal is the fun part. Sticking to it is tougher. “You will hit barriers and fears,” Fryer says, so accountability is important, especially at the beginning. “Having a mentor, a partner or social accountability will help when you reach a sticking point.” 

Fryer recommends choosing someone who you don’t want to disappoint, paying for a mentor or accountability partner or finding someone with similar objectives through a professional or social media group. This person can help by defining clear expectations, focusing on performance and monitoring progress. 

Honing your patience will be helpful as well. “Remind yourself that achieving a goal takes persistence, drive and resilience,” Fryer says. “Set your expectations that it will be harder and take longer than you expect.”

That means recognizing when you might need to stop and catch your breath. Bahamundi knows how to guard against mental fatigue by building breaks into his process, particularly when he’s preparing for long events. “I train hard for three weeks at a time and then take a full recovery week,” he says. Cycling through work and rest can help you avoid burnout in any endeavor, whether you’re aiming to lose weight, improve a relationship or launch a big career change.

Find joy in the process

Savoring how it feels to chase your goal is useful for maintaining motivation long term, says Brad Stulberg, a performance coach and co-founder of the Growth Equation. “Most people cycle through three stages: the grind of putting your head down and doing the work, anger and fear of failure, and enjoyment,” he says. But finding joy in showing up for the work is essential throughout the whole process and shouldn’t be left for the end. “Before you take on a goal, visualize the process and how it makes you feel,” Stulberg says. “If you become tight and constricted, it’s probably not the right goal or time. If you feel open and curious, that’s a good sign.”

The process won’t uplift you all the time, so it’s important to mark the little achievements en route to the big prize. “As you make progress along the way, celebrate each of the smaller steps,” says Smoll. “I like the saying ‘Yard by yard is hard, but inch by inch, it’s a cinch.’ Self validation is very motivating.”

When you do reach the finish line, you might just find that the process—not the product—was the real prize. “I know that every day I’m out there working is putting me in a better position to be successful on race day,” Bahamundi says. “The race is my celebratory lap for all the hard work I’ve put in.”

So just what are your goals for 2021
and maybe more importantly:
HOW DO YOU AIM IN KEEPING THEM. . . ?
By drawing Bullseyes all over the place
BEFORE TAKING AIM
AND SHOOTING YOUR ARROWS
BEFORE YOU DRAW
O R
are you gonna scrap your
PLAN A
and go with the multiple
PLAN B’s
that always seem to be the most
readily available
(just not the popular choosing/doing/getting WHAT WE’VE AIMED FOR)

Playing out the hand we’re dealt while searching for the missing
PIECE OF OUR PUZZLE
is a Candle Snuffer
to any new 2021
GOAL/DREAM
we could venture. . .
B U T
How about this. . .
if you wanna set a goal
set a dream
that you can achieve
that will never FAIL
that you set 100%
every day
and every day will set and achieve IT
S E T
THIS ONE:
I will be a better person today than I was yesterday with just one kind act!
Just one not 101 not 1001
just one
Even if it’s the same one that you did yesterday
. . .Just one kind act
My goal
My Dream
MY AIM
(a guaranteed Bullseye)
is just to be a better person
than I was yesterday. . .
And not only will that make for a better person
not only will that make for a better community
not only will that make a better world
it will make for a better
achievable
measurable
y o u
guaranteed
no fail. . .
BET IT!

Putting the NEW in new year

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This video by J J Heller makes
It a fair question. . .
especially since 2021 is just barely
under a 100 hours old:
WHAT MAKES FOR A HAPPY NEW YEAR?
Wealth
Health
Fitness
Weight
Possessions
Relationships
Vaccines
Scientific Discoveries
Medical Advances
Bank Accounts
Books
Music
Movies
YOUR FILL IN THE ____________________WISH
W H A T ?

There’s a reason why the
Windshield
is so very much bigger
than the rear view mirror;
G A W K
unblinkingly
at what lies before you
with only a quick glance
at what’s already behind you
. . .good advice for a New Year;
better advice for what ails you
(and it cuts down tremendously on collisions)

So make sure when you look back
to see ahead
your eyes aren’t covered
and you don’t blink. . .
Do you want to know the secret for having a successfully awesome
2 0 2 1
. . .it’s no different than the success
of any other years:
DO MORE FOR OTHERS
THAN YOU DO FOR YOURSELF
. . .GUARANTEE:
Making others Happy
will bring you unspeakable joy
. . .It’s like taking someone out to dinner:
YOU GET FED, too
Hey, don’t take my words for it:
You’ve got
8 6 6 4
hours to prove it beginning
NOW

Put the NEW
in a New Year
(You are that Powerful)

MOVIED OUT

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CUTE AS A BUTTON
and all of the other
sappy stuff
that comes with
CHRISTMAS MOVIES
that has us reaching for the box of tissues
and wiping our eyes
before we remote control
ourselves to the next one
that’ll do the same thing all over again
(but only better)

Just what exactly
LIGHTS UP YOUR CHRISTMAS TREE. . . ?

Sure, Netflix Christmas Movies Are Often Patently Absurd; They’re Also Occasionally Perfect

It’s official: our brains are fried. The holiday season is stressful enough in normal times. But this year, what we wouldn’t give to have that normal level of present-buying, cookie-baking, tree-decorating stress, instead of all this 2020-specific heartache, anxiety and exhaustion. It’s enough to make you want to line up a bunch of Netflix Christmas movies and gaze upon them, one after another, with reckless disregard for alleged quality or degree of believability. In fact, the less realistic, the better. A Chicago cupcake baker—who bears an uncanny resemblance to the duchess of a phony European nation—falling in love with a prince? Calgon, take me away, Right?

By no means does Netflix have a monopoly on the brain-candy Christmas movie; these have been Lifetime and Hallmark Channel staples for years, and it’s likely that even people you’d never suspect harbor a secret favorite or two. (Hallmark’s The Nine Lives of Christmas, from 2014, involves cats and a fireman played by Brandon Routh. Probably only about eight people have seen that one.) But Netflix, in addition to flooding the market with original movies, makes it numbingly simple to watch one of these films after another, with barely a flick at your trackpad. You can stack up Holidate (an unsentimental Emma Roberts lines up Australian hottie Luke Bracey as a boyfriend for holidays only), Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey (a lively, if overlong, musical fantasy about an eccentric toy inventor played by Forrest Whitaker) and The Princess Switch: Switched Again—a sequel to the 2018 sensation featuring Vanessa Hudgens as the aforementioned duchess-doppelganger baker—all without having to leave the bathtub, unless you need to refill your wine glass. Once you’ve jetted through those, you can shimmy over to Alien Xmas, The Christmas Chronicles: Part Two, or any number of Christmas-themed offerings from earlier years. You could always just watch A Christmas Prince—or either of its two sequels—again.

I know what you’re going to ask next: Aren’t these movies bad? Shouldn’t I be embarrassed about watching them? The answer to the second question is NO, because how we respond emotionally to visual information is not an arena for shame or judgment. Does that mean that there are more beautifully made and wonderfully acted Christmas movies beyond these? Of course. Check out Jimmy Stewart in Ernst Lubitsch’s 1940 Shop Around the Corner—for my money the most beautiful, bittersweet holiday romance—for the lot of them.

It is possible to give yourself over to a movie even when it’s written in lingo you’ve seen many times before—to note how pretty a castle looks when it’s surrounded by snowy trees, to admire a fairy-tale character’s colorful wool coat, to succumb to the unsurprising surprise of two allegedly mismatched characters bumping into each other beneath the mistletoe—without scolding yourself for what gives you pleasure. The line between a cliché and a cherished convention is often so slim it’s almost undetectable.

So what awaits you in the Christmas 2020 Netflix queue? Holidate works too hard at being raunchy, but you may happen to have a soft spot for Emma Roberts and her resolute eyebrows. Plus, you’ve got Luke Bracey as a ridiculously good-looking manly-man golf pro with a surprisingly sensitive side. You may as well be eating ice cream right out of the carton. Jingle Jangle—a holiday fantasy aimed at kids, but not bad for adults—is quietly radical in its mostly Black cast. It’s a switch from the norm that underscores how misguided those norms are in the first place. Plus, the costumes (by Michael Wilkinson) are a delight, a riot of Victorian and steampunk silhouettes rendered in traditional Kente cloth and African wax prints.Madalen Mills as Journey Jangle and Forest Whitaker as Jeronicus Jangle in ‘Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey’ Gareth Gatrell/NETFLIX

But for pure candy-box escapism, the prize goes to The Princess Switch movies, with Vanessa Hudgens playing at least two different versions of Vanessa Hudgens. In the first Princess Switch, she’s the perky Chicago baker, Stacy De Novo, who, while attending a baking competition in the picturesquely phony European nation of Belgravia, discovers that she’s a dead ringer for svelte and elegant Lady Margaret, a royal denizen of the nearby and equally phony European nation known as Montenaro. Lady Margaret is engaged to be married to the Prince of Belgravia, the kind but seemingly bland Edward (Sam Palladio). Unfortunately, she’s just not that into him. Meanwhile, Stacy’s best friend and business partner, the totally hot and adorable Kevin (Nick Sagar), has a crush on her that’s been unrequited for years; Stacy loves Kevin platonically, but doesn’t feel any sparks. Margaret, bound by her royal duties, longs for more spontaneity; Stacy wouldn’t mind being a fancy royal for a day or so. And so the two switch identities, only to discover that one woman’s rejected beau is the other’s dream match. The movie ends with one royal wedding and a hint at a future engagement. Everybody goes home happy.

In The Princess Switch: Switched Again, Lady Margaret is about to be crowned Queen of Montenaro. Sadly, her acquiescence to royal duty has broken up her romance with Kevin (though you know that’s not going to stick). Enter Margaret’s bad gal cousin Fiona (played by—surprise!—Hudgens again), a party girl with a peroxide tumble of tresses, who favors tacky clubwear and faux furs in tones not found in nature. Fiona hatches a scheme to impersonate Margaret and thus become Montenaro’s monarch. Chaos ensues, though romance prevails.Vanessa Hudgens and Vanessa Hudgens in ‘The Princess Switched: Switched Again’ Netflix

If nothing else, how can you not love the idea of fictional countries with names that sound borrowed from 1960s sportswear companies? The Princess Switchand its followup are so indefensibly enjoyable they need no defense. Recently, over socially distanced lunch with a friend, I found myself regaling him with a highly animated summary of the first movie’s plot. “Oh. It’s Shakespeare,” he said, between bites of sandwich. (It’s also a device Mark Twain put to use in The Prince and the Pauper.) Stories of swapped identities, of one character being mistaken for another and causing mischief, or falling in love, are nothing new, and they were invented by people with good instincts for what human beings like. Our consistencies unite us across eras.

If you were to break the Princess Switch movies down to their barest elements, they could almost be performance art—big squares, circles and triangles that speak in ways that defy words. These are movies written in flag language, semaphore that can be read clearly from a great distance. Switched Again ends with (spoiler alert), a wedding, a reconciliation and a coronation, all of which tap out a code that our wilted minds receive gratefully. We may think our brains aren’t working, but they are; they’re experts in the art of the busman’s holiday. Love, forgiveness, the beauty of a sparkly gown: These are oversized signals, easy to read and comprehend from a great distance, reaching out to us as we watch from our respective isolated islands, or bathtubs. If they were good enough for the Elizabethans, they’re good enough for us. . .

So let’s have it:
WHAT ARE YOUR GO-TO’S
WHAT ARE YOUR TOP-FIVE-GOTTA-SEE-THEM-AT-CHRISTMAS-MOVIES:
A CHRISTMAS STORY
HOME ALONE
IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE
WHITE CHRISTMAS
CHRISTMAS VACATION
LAST CHRISTMAS
WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING
HOLIDAY
LOVE, ACTUALLY
If there was ever a year
to gush
to be sappy
to go all comedy
to reach far for the box of tissues
2020
is THAT year. . .
so pop some corn
get the fire crackling
turn on the Christmas tree lights
turn off all of the other lights
bundle up with your favorite blanket
and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
e n j o y
(and be the better for it)

ENOUGH

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Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. . .
It’s really hard to
S H U S H

especially this time of the year
and it’s almost impossible to
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT
YOUR EYES CLOSED
YOU EARS OPEN
all at once
but
before you listen to this song again
read the lyrics:

I Have Enough By JJ Heller, David Heller, and Taylor Leonhardt

There’s a box up in the attic
Full of treasures from my past
Paper snowmen from a season
Melting into spring too fast
Clay and glitter, wood and glue
May not seem like much to you

It reminds me of
All the ones I love
When I think of them
I think I have enough

We may not live up in the mountains
Like we always wanted to
But this old house shines like a diamond
With Christmas lights hung on the roof
It might not be the life I dreamed
But it’s become my favorite scene

It reminds me of
All the ones I love
When I think of them
I think have enough

Everything I want this Christmas
Doesn’t cost a single thing
Cookies baking in the kitchen
Hearing little voices sing
Tell the story once again
Peace on earth, goodwill to men

It reminds me of
All the ones I love
When I think of them
I think I have enough

It reminds me of
All the ones I love
When I think of them
I think I have enough

. . .AND
just what does three ties have to do with
THAT SONG. . . ?
EVERYTHING!

I’ve had those ties for years
but not for as long as they’ve actually been created. . .

The two on the left
are between 65-70 years old
. . .I inherited from my grandfather
and rarely wear them
because they are fragile
and I don’t want the last time I tie them
to be the last time I tie them. . .
The tie on the far right
is my father-in-law’s
that I inherited shortly after he died
and no one in the family wanted it
. . .none of them
would make the cover of
G Q
but they continue to flutter through the pages
of my mind
in a most gentle
but powerful way
that makes me feel close
to both of these men
ESPECIALLY AT CHRISTMAS
when I realize
much like
J J Heller’s song,
I HAVE ENOUGH
. . .What takes you
T H E R E
what song
what food
what smell
what word
what texture
what piece of clothing
what scene
what feeling
takes you way past
that box in the attic
out of your head
and into your heart
of memories
that makes you feel:
I HAVE ENOUGH
. . .more importantly
what song
what food
what smell
what word
what texture
what piece of clothing,
what scene
what feeling
WILL YOU BE SHARING
that’ll keep you out of some
attic box
past someone’s memory
but burrowed deep
into their heart
and forever
in the delicate
l a c e s
of their
soul
that’ll forever make them feel:
I
H A V E
E N O U G H
Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
GIVE THAT
(no receipts or returns necessary)

LETTING YOUR HEART BREAK

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Do you recognize her. . . ?
I didn’t
so I’ll invite you to do what she invited me to do
(and it’s more than just READING ON)
LETTING MY HEART BREAK
. . .She was asked:
How do you reconcile the enormous privilege that you have with the acute suffering that so many people are experiencing right now?
and she answered:

It’s something I’ve pondered a lot. There’s no explanation how you get to be in this situation of privilege. There’s just none. But I spend a lot of my waking hours, when we’re not in a pandemic, traveling and meeting other people and doing what I call letting my heart break. I’ve worked in Mother Teresa’s home for the dying. I’ve slept on people’s farms in Africa. I do meditation every morning, and I’ve had days of tears thinking about people I know who’ve lost a loved one. It’s going to those places where your heart really hurts for everybody, not just your own sense of loss.And so I cry a lot, and then I come back and I say, “How do I take what that person shared with me and what I learned, and how do I plow that back into the work to try and make the world better, or to convince a global leader that they ought to give more money to malaria, or care about people getting a vaccine on the other side of the world, or care about a child not getting a proper education in certain cities in the United States?” I just try to constantly remember that it’s a privilege.  . .

WHO IS THIS MYSTERY WOMAN?

RECOGNIZE HER, yet?
Mrs. William Gates. . .
Melinda
I know, I know,
when you’re rich you can do anything
and you can do everything that you want
and you don’t have to ask anybody’s permission. . .
and when you’re poor
you can’t do anything
and you’re at the mercy of everybody
and always have to ask,
“is it OK if I do this?”
or worse:
“CAN I DO THIS?”

But the one thing that makes the richest of the rich
and the poorest of the poor
The Same;
The very one thing that everybody
has in common
that makes us equal
is we all have the capacity
to care
to love
to have compassion
to give
all of us
KNOW
whether or not we do or don’t
has nothing to do with what’s in our bank account
or in our pockets
or not. . .

So just what is it that you’re doing
not just all the time
not every day
but right now
that allows your heart to break. . . ?
What moves you
not so much to tears
but TO action. . . 
Do you dare ask,
“How do I take what a person shared with me and what I learned and how do I plow that back into the work to try and make the world better?”

Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:

You just can’t answer that question with
W O R D S
and it’s much too late for Silence
of (action) doing

Go ahead. . .
Let your heart break
For Some Thing
For Some One

Let your Heart
be smashed
Let your Heart
be shattered
Let your Heart
be splintered
and then
more importantly
let it be joined with the
smashed
shattered
splintered
h e a r t s
of Others

R I S K
FOR AN EVER
to have it
BEAT DIFFERENTLY
to show
Your Worth
as you give
Others,
T H E I R S


Professional Speaker, Author, Assurance Man