Who Cares - What Matters
SOMETIMES
even the best Words
need not to be spoken or sung
but still understood
just the same. . .
P L E A S E
just listen
not to hear
not to reply
but to actively respond. . .
a n d
p l e a s e
I was never
an academic all-star;
I most likely
was a classic undiagnosed ADHD
Kid who was often classified as a
“SMART KID WHO CAN’T SEEM TO STAY FOCUSED”
during parent/teacher conference
who excelled with
anything to do with
Reading
and nothing to do with
Math. . .
Who
was often writing poetry
and putting together lyrical phrases
that I wrote in the margins of books
or large lined notebooks
that made me look like
I was ferociously
taking notes. . .
I was often motivated to do well in school
so I could play sports
and not to embarrass my
school teaching, coaching dad
and school secretary mom
. . .but it always felt
foreign
distant
and far from a home
my heart beat to reside
UNLESS
I had
THOSE
teachers
who didn’t
look to grade
penmanship
sentence structure
or what I could recite back
after nights of intense memorization. . .
THOSE TEACHERS
that wanted a piece of my mind
and a part of my heart
by inspiring me
with theirs;
who challenged me to read
WHAT WASN’T
on the syllabus
but more in my dreams;
IT
was the one thing that shaped me then
and still drives me now
T H I S
EDUCATION OF THE HEART
which you never graduate
nor receive a degree
but something far
F A R
more important:
A DEEPLY MEANINGFUL LIFE
. . .PAY ATTENTION, CLASS
The Lectures have ended
but the Teaching
is in a never-ending
S E S S I O N
and it’ll not only assure
that your heart will beat differently
IT WILL GUARANTEE
you’ll cause other hearts
to be
forever significantly better
THIS
Education of the Heart
On our morning walk
we didn’t find a parade,
One found and included us. . .
It was different this year,
wasn’t it?
MEMORIAL DAY
Yes, we know it’s the start of summer
. . . it used to be the start of summer vacations
. . . it used to be trips and vacation spots
hotdogs, potato salad, family gatherings,
it used to be a lot of fun. . .
It was different this year
and maybe not even because of the pandemic. . .
Maybe it’s because we remember different this year;
maybe right now even in the midst of
our-at-the-very-moment heartbeats,
we are writing a History
no book has ever held. . .
And maybe
MEMORIAL DAY
with all of its modifications this year
is even more special
than all the years that we’ve celebrated it
in the past. . .
And just maybe
that’s what will remember
about this
MEMORIAL DAY
Instead of us commemorating it,
IT
now commemorates each and everyone of us
in the most special and significant way. . .
Maybe. . .
With a most
sincere
honest
pure
Parade of One
(y o u)
(NOTE THE REASON FOR THIS SPECIAL
SECOND BLOG POST ON MEMORIAL DAY
IS A THING OF RECOGNITION AND HONOR FOR):
People with and without masks in New York City’s Central Park on April 25, 2020. Getty Images—2020 Alexi RosenfeldBY JAMIE DUCHARME a journalist from TIME Magazine brought us an interesting question that we might all have to do a double-take on before answering it. . .
DO YOU HAVE CAUTION FATIGUE?
Even as the
“OPENING UP”
is now beginning to take place;
it’s still painstakingly
S L O W
As these ever-so-slow
lockdowns drag on and on in many U.S. states,
there are worrying signs
that people’s resolve to continue social distancing
is flagging. . .
An illicit house party in Chicago made headlines this week, as did photos of crowded beaches in Southern California and packed parks in New York City. Anonymized cell-phone data tracked by the University of Maryland also shows more and more people are making non-work-related trips outside as quarantines drag on, and a TIME data analysis found that some states are experiencing new surges in coronavirus cases after initial declines.
Jacqueline Gollan, an associate professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine, has coined a name for this phenomenon based on her 15 years of research into depression, anxiety and decision-making: “caution fatigue.”
Gollan likens social-distancing motivation to a battery. When lockdowns were first announced, many people were charged with energy and desire to flatten the curve. Now, many weeks in, the prolonged cocktail of stress, anxiety, isolation and disrupted routines has left many people feeling drained. As motivation dips, people are growing more lax about social-distancing guidelines—and potentially putting themselves and others in harm’s way, Gollan says.
Even as some states begin the process of reopening, it’s crucial that people continue to follow local social-distancing guidelines to avoid back-sliding. To help, use Gollan’s tips for fighting caution fatigue.
You’ve heard all these tips before, but they bear repeating: get enough sleep, follow a balanced diet, exercise regularly, don’t drink too much, stay socially connected and find ways to relieve stress. “If people can address the reasons for the caution fatigue, the caution fatigue itself will improve,” Gollan says.
Gollan also says it’s important to improve your “emotional fitness.” She recommends expressing gratitude, either to others or yourself; setting goals for how you want to feel or act; and taking time just to decompress and laugh.
As important as they are, goals like flattening the curve and improving public health can be hard to stay fired up about since they’re somewhat abstract, Gollan acknowledges. So it can be useful to think about how your behavior directly affects your chances of getting sick, and thus your chances of spreading the virus to people around you.
People tend to overvalue what’s already happened, assuming if they haven’t gotten sick yet they won’t in the future. “But if your behavior changes and you have a gradual decline in your safety behaviors, then the risk may increase over time,” Gollan says. Remembering that reality can prevent you from falling into “thinking traps” like convincing yourself another trip to the grocery store is absolutely necessary, when it’s really just out of boredom, Gollan says.
Coronavirus has probably shattered your regular daily routine—but you can still make time for things you valued before the pandemic, like exercise and socializing. Creating a new normal, to the extent possible, can be stabilizing, Gollan says.
Focusing on small pieces of your new routine can also be a helpful way to grapple with uncertainty. If it’s hard for you to think about how long quarantine may stretch on, instead focus on the immediate future. “What are you going to do this morning?” Gollan says. “Are there things you’re not doing that you should?”
It may help to remember that social-distancing is really about the common good. In keeping yourself safe, you’re also improving public health, ensuring that hospitals can meet demand and quite possibly saving lives. “There’s something powerful about hope, compassion, caring for others, altruism,” Gollan says. “Those values can help people battle caution fatigue.”
Just like anything, selfless behavior gets easier the more you do it, Gollan says. “Try small chunks of it,” she suggests. “What can you do in the next hour, or today, that’s going to be a selfless act to others?” Donating to charity or checking in on a loved one are easy places to start.
Just as you may learn to tune out the sounds outside your window, “we get desensitized to the warnings [about coronavirus],” Gollan says. “That’s the brain adjusting normally to stimulation.” Even something as simple as checking a credible news source you don’t usually follow, or catching up on headlines from another part of the country, could help your brain reset, she says. . .
What I have found utterly amazing about
THIS TIME
is no matter how many times it feels that everything is
so devastatingly
D O N E
there’s still this awesome growth
that’s sprouting up all around us
A NEWNESS
that couldn’t come from any other
WAY
or PLACE
except this soil of
scary
sacred
sorrow
It’s more than a rally cry
It’s more than a hope
It’s more than a wish
It’s more than a prayer
It’s more than a promise
It’s been a fateful fact. . .
The WE of it
The ARE of it
The ALL of it
The IN of it
The THIS of it
The TOGETHER OF IT
has never interwoven
THE US OF IT
into a never known
T A P E S T R Y
of it
like this before. . .
So here’s the biggest question
that hopefully has an even bigger answer:
WILL THIS CAUTION FATIGUE CAUSE US TO BE MORE COMPASSIONATE OR MORE COLD-HEARTED. . . ?
Careful. . .
How you live
(from here on)
will scream for generations
who will never forget
what you will never have to say
but will always be heard. . .
R E M E M B E R
(now more than ever)
(You can find a number of helpful coronavirus resources and all related Tiny Buddha articles here.)
“When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting and less scary.” ~Fred Rogers
If you are a human on earth at the moment, you’re likely feeling the uncertainty and anxiety of living in the time of a pandemic. It’s not something we have seen before in our lifetime, so every step is a new one, and the end is unknown and nowhere in sight.
Everyone is coping in their own way. Some are fearful and anxious right now. Others insist on staying on the positive side. Still others are in denial and perhaps will feel the emotional effects later or when it hits their area. Or, more commonly it seems, we have some combination of all three at various times throughout the same day.
It’s all normal. . .
Until it’s not
I was minding my own business Monday night
when the news slapped me across the face
and alerted me about Dr. Lorna Breen, a front line New York City ER Doctor who had to not only deal with the COVID-19
but herself was infected and had recently recovered from it
and had just started back to work
before being sent back home to Virginia
to recover further with her family. . .
Dr. Breen, 49, did not have a history of mental illness, her father said. But he said that when he last spoke with her, she seemed detached, and he could tell something was wrong. She had described to him an onslaught of patients who were dying before they could even be taken out of ambulances.
“She was truly in the trenches of the front line,” he said.
He added: “Make sure she’s praised as a hero, because she was. She’s a casualty just as much as anyone else who has died.”
Listen,
I haven’t missed a day of work since we have been sheltered in place
but I haven’t knowingly dealt with any patient that has tested positive for COVID-19; I have witnessed thousands of deaths, some terribly filled with suffering but none with this disease who have had to not only endure dying but often without any one, let alone a cherished love one, by there sides.
I HAVE NO IDEA
no understanding
and no personal willingness to find out. . .
I have come to realize there is no right or wrong way to feel emotionally. Everyone is doing the best they can based on their own coping style and I have the awesome blessing of merely
c o m p a n i o n i n g
them
instead of trying to
FIX THEM
As a life-long recovering people-pleaser,
I used to try to talk people out of their feelings,
make them feel better
by taking over responsibility for their emotions. . .
Essentially,
I had to fix them to make myself feel better. . .
H E Y
People have a right to be angry.
Everyone has the right to feel anxious.
It is not my job to judge how anyone reacts to life. . .
It’s theirs. . .
It is my job to be a compassionate witness to their suffering and to my own suffering. . .
Every day
I go back to School to learn this lesson
It’s a hard subject to learn
(if it’s even a possible goal)
Life as an empath
One who feels intensely,
can sometimes feel you are being tossed around
in a tiny boat in an open ocean,
with no solid ground. . .
When some are looking for
GROUND ZERO
others are just looking for a piece of solid sod
to plant their feet. . .
It’s a terrible feeling.
So we struggle,
we fight,
we gasp for air,
and occasionally come up to breathe
for long enough to see
the sun setting on the horizon
and better still–
TO SEE IT RISE AGAIN
in the Morning
We wonder
don’t we
how other people seem to live easier,
to ride the waves smoother
and leave storms behind
as they head for calmer waters. . .
Until we find out that we see and feel things differently,
more acutely,
and have to learn the skills to row efficiently,
with the wind,
and in the preferred direction
without a broken compass. . .
It’s one thing to be a little boat
getting tossed about
and it’s another to do it without
a life jacket. . .
During this time
when the world can feel overwhelming
and too,
too much,
just take the time
to do a little check up
from the neck up
Notice where you are, who you are with, and what you are doing.
Breathe into the tight areas and imagine
breathing out your compassion
into the world.
If someone you are with is anxious, can you stay present and breathe?
If not, take a break and find compassion for yourself.
Notice what you are consuming—news, stressful or needy people, violence in movies or TV;
decrease and take lots of nature breaks. . .
It’s real easy to see
and to know
that we are all in this together
but it means nothing
unless we act like it
BEGINNING WITH OURSELVES
N O W
THAT IS
FEELING IT
We have to hit the rewind button on this
but even all the way back into the early 70s
I remember there was a product
which is still out there today
HAMBURGER HELPER. . .
The reason this was invented
and used
and still popular
is because it takes a little bit
and makes a whole lot;
it enhances. . .
In this upside-down-topsy-turvy-earth-literally-on-its-axis-time
we kind of need a helper
well. . .
to help
don’t we?
I’ve been working in healthcare since about 1988
as part-time chaplain at several area hospitals
and full-time now since 1994 with hospice. . .
I’ve always seen myself as an auxiliary
Helper
I, in no way
have ever seen myself as the main guy;
FRONT LINE
. . .In fact,
I’m almost embarrassed to say that I work in healthcare
when everybody’s getting free coffee
extra special shopping hours
and even free burritos
because they are
F R O N T L I N E
Even though I’m still working in an inpatient unit
and seeing patients and families
I, in no way,
see myself as a first responder
or as a helper
or even a Final,
a Last Responder
even though I’m still doing funerals and graveside services. . .
I have always first
and foremost
seen myself as a
Helper to the HELPER;
It literally has not already
defined my entire life
it is severely enhanced it. . .
Aren’t we all THAT:
H E L P E R S
Have we failed to notice
what is so recognizable before each of us. . . ?
Not only to be a Helper
but at the very least
H E L P E R S
to the Helpers
That’s what it means to
HOLD SPACE
That’s what it means
especially at this very moment
To not only be significant
but also to make some sense
out of why we are all really
here now at this very
i n s t a n t
I have never performed brain surgery
or mended together broken bones
. . .at the very best
I’ve held hands
and cared for broken hearts
held space for tired spirits
listened to what a heart shouts
but a mouth can’t ever imagine whispering;
I literally
have tried to be
all things to all people
not that I can save them
so much as serve them
not always as they deserved
but but always as they have needed. . .
To help bring some light to the darkness;
To be for them–
patient
family member
or first responder
final responder
what no one else
in that very instant
could ever be for them. . .
Now the not so big Secret:
We all have the capacity
To be Helpers
To Be Responders. . .
I have the upmost respect
not just for the medical doctors
not just for physician assistants
not just for nurse practitioners
not just for the nurses
not just for the social workers
not just for those most blessed health aides
but for all those who recognize
and see themselves as
Helpers to the Helpers. . .
Who isn’t THAT person?
A First
A Fair to Midland
A Middle of the Roader
A Near the Ender
A Final
R E S P O N D E R
. . .label me what you will
but for the sake
of us all
I hope to never be known as a
NON-RESPONDER. . .
THIS THING
we are all dealing with right now
is not by Chance
(no accident)
It’s the Beginning
of one of the possibly
Biggest-most-epic-world-wide-challenges
in our lives
so far
. . .or it isn’t
It’s time to be a
A RESPONDER
A HELPER
A HELPER’S HELPER
It’s time to play Nice
at a not-so-nice time. . .
Who will be?
Who won’t be?
WHO WILL YOU BE. . .
It’s time to be more than a
MASK WEARER
it’s now
O U R
T I M E
to be
HELP-BEARER
“When you were born, you cried, and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a manner that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.”
Can you
DO YOU
Dare Imagine
that we were created for a time like this;
not for a time 359 years ago
or 3500 years ago
or 680 years in the future
b u t
NOW
HERE
THESE MOMENTS
Y O U
are more than a single drop in the Ocean;
YOU ARE A RIPPLE-MAKER
The best
S P L A S H
you can ever make
requires no water. . .
Drown us in goodness
Hey. . .
Try practicing being selfless everyday,
Just a thought. . . .
I don’t know if this is a noun or a verb. . .
But I know I’m always reaching
to be more of a verb. . .
Y O U ?
D I S T A N C I N G
Whether it’s SOCIAL
Whether it’s PHYSICAL
Whether it’s EMOTIONAL
Whether it’s SPIRITUAL
is still
d i s t a n c i n g
and like any ripple
it causes other
w a v e s
BUT
There are many Experts now explain how to socialize in the time of
COVID-19.
In part, this is how MELISSA MATTHEWS recently shared some insights out of how this is effecting us all. . .
ROXANA VALLE / EYEEMGETTY IMAGES
The COVID-19 pandemic has postponed Coachella, cancelled the NBA, shot down March Madness, NHL, Soccer, Churches, as it’s closed Bar’s, Restaurants, postponed Golf tournaments, Parades, The Kentucky Derby, MLB, sent kids home from schools, colleges, universities, daycare centers, gyms and just about anything else that allows anymore than 10 people together and spawned a new phrase: social distancing.
In the United States, public health officials are recommending that even healthy people stay at home as much as possible. In fact, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends that all events with more than 10 people be canceled in the U.S.
This is where the practice of social distancing comes in.
Think of social distancing as the middle ground between quarantine and doing whatever you want, whenever you want, says K.C. Rondello,M.D., Clinical Associate Professor of Public Health & Emergency Management at Adelphi University.
“Social distancing involves all the choices we make that create a barrier of space between us and others,” Dr. Rondello tells Men’s Health.
According to the CDC, you’d want to maintain about six feet of personal space and avoid public places like shopping centers.
You may be hearing the term for the first time, but societies have deployed the technique in the past, says Dr. Rondello. It’s particularly helpful when there’s no treatment or vaccine available for a rapidly spreading pathogen, he says.
If you’re healthy, you might think that you don’t have to limit your interactions with other people. After all, the risk of developing pneumonia or needing hospitalization from COVID-19 is low for the average healthy person, according to the CDC.
But limiting your social interactions reduces the risk of spreading the virus to people who may then spread it onto more people. This helps “flatten the curve,” or influx of new cases in a given time period. Slowing the spread of the disease reduces the strain on the healthcare system by limiting the number of people who are severely sick and need hospital care. It also gives researchers more time to develop treatments and vaccines
Research from previous pandemics show that this method works. In 2009, closing schools for 18 days in Mexico helped reduce transmission of H1N1 by 29 to 37 percent, according to a 2011 study published in PLOS Medicine.
That said, you can be cautious without letting the pandemic dictate your entire life, according to William Schaffner, M.D., and infectious disease specialist at the Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville, TN.
Empty store shelves and internet memes may lead you to believe you can never leave the house. This isn’t true.
“I think it’s kind of up to you to decide how much risk you want to put other people in and how much risk you want to acquire for yourself,” Dr. Schaffner tells Men’s Health. “There is not a transmission policeman out there.” Still, it might not be bad for each of us to imagine that we actually infected and just by being with another person, old or young, we could not just infect them, but actually may cause their deaths. . .
People who are older than 60 and individuals who are immunocompromised, meaning they have a difficult time fighting infections, should be more cautious, says Dr. Schaffner. The CDC states people at-risk of becoming seriously ill from COVID-19 should limit their exposure to groups and even look into grocery delivery.
But not everyone has access to grocery delivery or the freedom to work from home.
Here’s how to implement the method realistically:
There’s no need to buy six month’s worth of toilet paper now. . .which I’m still not completely understanding;
In fact, stockpiling makes it more difficult for people to purchase essential items. However, you should head to the store with a plan, says Dr. Rondello. Make a list of everything you need and purchase the items in the same trip instead of going to multiple stores on separate days. This reduces your exposure and helps you be more efficient, he says. Shopping during off-peak hours when stores aren’t crowded further reduces your risk of exposure to viruses.
“Along with social distancing, you’re going to implement good infection prevention,” says Dr. Rondello.
In other words, refrain from touching your face and wash your handsthe minute you get home.
Many corporations such as Twitter, Google, and Box implemented work from home strategies in response to the current pandemic. But not everyone has the luxury of remote work—and some of these people may need to use mass transit.
“There are times when social distancing is not going to be possible. You’re going to do the best that you can,” says Dr. Rondello.
In a subway, bus, or train that means seeking out the place with the fewest amount of people. Again, it’s vital to pair this with all the other recommended ways to avoid getting sick: washing your hands, using hand sanitizer (in a pinch), and not touching your face.
Running and walking are great ways to stay active while getting fresh air—as long as you keep your distance. Again, the CDC recommends keeping six feet of personal space.
It’s easy to get a full-body workout indoors using free weights, bands, or a yoga mat.
You’re probably wondering whether you need to sacrifice socializing for the sake of the pandemic.
“There is no wrong answer, and there is no right answer,” says Dr. Schaffner. Still, with all of the social media outlets we can still keep in touch
According to Dr. Schaffner, walking in the park with a friend is less risky than sitting in a crowded enclosed space.
Given the recent bar and restaurant closures throughout the U.S., this may be a good time to catch up with friends and family over video chat instead of dinner.
Ultimately, there are no absolutes. You simply need to weigh the benefits versus the risk and make a personal choice about which strategies you want to employ, according to Dr. Rondello.
And remember, social distancing is about helping other individuals—not just yourself. . .
The problem
(of which sometimes we are its main ingredient)
is that
t e m p o r a r y
FEELS
so Permanent. . .
Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst of the Day:
Even
Permanence
isn’t
permeant. . .
DISTANCE
yourself from that
and re-member:
“FEAR IS THE CHEAPEST ROOM IN THE HOUSE;
I WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU LIVING
IN BETTER CONDITIONS.” -HAFIZ
ARE YOU WORRIED ?
It’s a honest question
with all that’s been cancelled
and Changed over the past
few days. . .
So. . .
are you,
ARE YOU AFRAID?
My 401K account; my retirement funds have taken a severe hit over the past month. . .
Should I be worried?
My wife and I and a great many of my friends and family fits the profile of the most at-risk list for COVID-19. . .
Should I be worried?
Our global panic led three out of five groups yesterday to cancel planned speaking engagements for later these next two months. . . Should I be worried?
What about you? Was the past couple of days terrible for you? Are you having to face the prospect of suddenly home-schooling your kids? Canceling a trip? Losing sales? Letting go of several team members? Quarantining (or hospitalizing) a family member?
Should we be worried?
There are many ways to answer the question, but in the spirit of the “novel coronavirus,” let’s try a novel approach. . .
LET’S BRING LIGHT TO WICK
Back in the late 80’s
I was working as a part-time-on-call-chaplain
at an area hospital
(which meant that I worked from 5:00 p.m. to 8:00 a.m.)
and I remember
getting called in around 3:30 in the morning for a patient that was actively dying in ICU from AIDS;
he requested a chaplain
and when I arrived
I could see he was agitated and restless;
After introducing myself
I asked him the routine questions of
if he was in pain or uncomfortable;
When I asked him about family,
I could see him wince even before he said,
“I don’t have any family, they’ve disowned me.”
One simple Act:
I held his hand
I saw him look down at my hand holding his
and a tear rolled down the side of his cheek and he choked out,
“You’re the first person who’s touched me without gloves, a gown or a mask.”
His fingers squeezed mine and I squeezed back.
“Will you pray with me; I’m scared.”
I asked him what he wanted me to include in the prayer and he said,
“I don’t want to be afraid anymore; I don’t want to be sick; I don’t want my family to be ashamed of me anymore; I don’t want to go to Hell.”
Honestly. . .
I don’t remember verbatim what I prayed with him
but I know
it was the living prayer we became
for one Another
We lit each other’s
W I C K
AM I WORRIED?
I have had the blessing of working with the sick and dying
since 1977
in and out of the Church
hospital
nursing home
assisted living
home care
and in all of those years
and more,
all of those
P L A C E S
I have never been worried
about getting sick
from the sick
I sat with the family
of a former colleague who died today
and as I was providing opportunities for them to do
Life/Faith/Family we review
there were tears
there was laughter
but there was no mention
of COVID-19
like there was all around us from
Facebook, CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, Drudge Report, BBC, Instagram, Twitter, Apple, Google, Verizon, AT&T, the local news
but not from them;
I knew at that moment
what I’ve know from
Countless other Moments
that
THIS
is the
T H A T
that ever matters. . .
Naive?
The little kid in me
battles for my worries
but never when it comes to
this
T H A T
I’m not worried
and it’s the only
Light
that not only keeps my Candle lit,
It’s the only
thing that inspires me to share
IT
j o i n
me
There are a lot of
AMAZING THINGS
in Life
but probably none more than
Y O U
. . .more unique than a
s n o w f l a k e
a fingerprint
any other atom
Y O U
WE MAY NOT BE A
WALKING
TALKING ORCHESTRA
OR A BAND
BUT EACH OF US
ARE LIVING SYMPHONIES
AWAITING TO NOT
Not
so much to be
D I R E C T E D
so much as
PLAYED
and most importantly
HEARD
. . .E X P E R I E N C E D
NO ONE
has your
PLAYLIST
Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
there’s only one thing to do with
the Gift of
Y O U:
S H A R E
I T