The Caring Catalyst

Who Cares - What Matters

HEART and be HEARTED

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This is pinned above my desk at Hospice of the Western Reserve’s David Simpson Hospice House where I work with angels and serve patients and their families.     .     .

I see it hundreds of times a week as I chart, talk on the phone, prepare for presentations

.          .          .and yet,

I’m not so sure it’s fully sunk in since I put it up there just a little over two years ago;

.            .            .and isn’t this exactly what it’s all about.          .          .

not only to LOVE.            .            .

but to be L O V E D

or  as  s h e 

framed it:

“T O    H E A R T    A N D    T O    B E    H E A R T E D.            .            .”

Can you see it?

 

.

 

Admitted.          .          .

you have to look really, really hard and maybe even longer.        .        .

Look again just ahead of the word

A     D     M     I     T     T     E     D

Do you see it now?

Squint

Squint harder, more intently

Ahhhhhhh, there it is right?

What do you see.          .          .

Here, let me make it easier for you:

PAY  ATTENTION,  C L A S S :

LOOK      BEYOND      WHAT’S      SEEN;

SEE      WHAT      CAN’T      BE      VIEWED

She purposely, intentionally asked to see me.        .        .

her husband was dying

and her request was almost insulting simple:

“Would it be alright if I could bring a heart shaped stone to honor my husband? In the Meditation Room, I saw that there is a bowl of rocks that have been placed there to remember each person that has died here at Hospice House.  I’d just like to bring in a small heart shaped rock to remember him; would that be alright?”Simple, huh?

He died over the weekend.  I never saw her or him again.

When I went into the Meditation room on Monday, I saw in the bowl of rocks a heart shaped one.          .           .

She said, “It was ‘OUR  THING'”

and now, quite simply and humbly without trumpets blaring drums beating she made it MY THING, she made it even further through this Blog, OUR THING 

The QUESTION

really is:

WILL      IT      BE      YOUR      THING ?

She told me, “It was ‘our thing’  I HEART HIM!”

I stood there Monday morning before really starting my day, my week with a heart shaped stone in my hand and the first thing that I thought was that there was one thing stronger than any shaped stone:

L            O            V            E

And so I’ll ask again:

.

DO     YOU    SEE    IT ?

Look beyond what’s seen:

white space or minuscule dot

SEE WHAT CAN’T BE VIEWED

KNOW WHAT CAN’T BE UNDERSTOOD

EXPERIENCE WHAT CAN’T BE READILY FELT

L          I          V          E

H  E  A  R  T       S OMEONE

h e a r t

a n d  

b e

H    E    A    R    T    E    D
(along   your   ways)

WHEN THE BLANK BOARD, ISN’T

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It   was   a

B  L  A  N  K      B  L  A  C  K      B  O  A  R  D

t   h   a   t

W          A          S          N   ‘     T

QUESTION    OF    THE    DAY:

EVER  FEEL  LIKE  THAT.            .          .

a      blank      black      board

WHERE      SOMETHING      ONCE      WAS.          .          .          ?

I noticed that;

r     e     c     o     g     n     i     z     e     d

the not-so-wiped-off-board

as I was waiting for her at this corner

S T A R B U C K S

wondered even then

what she might share

what I might hear

what I might share

what she might hear

after nearly two hours of

sharing / hearing

I still wondered

but I absolutely knew

it was more than a mere

S O M E T H I N G

her hurt was mine

my pain was her’s

that’s what REAL SHARING IS,

i s n ‘ t     i  t.        .         .

THE    BLANK    BLACK    BOARD

w          a          s          n   ‘     t :

you”re   so   hard   on   yourself;
take   a   moment;
sit   back.          .          .
marvel   at   your   life:
at   the   heartache   that   hardened   you,
at   the   suffering   that   strengthened   you
despite   everything, 
you   still   grow;
be   proud
OF    THIS

it  seemed  to  say

BLANK  NO  MORE

S          O          M          E          T          I          M          E          S

The   Blank   Black   Board
doesn’t   so   much   show
that   there   was   once   something   there
as   much   as   it   so   powerfully   promises
of   brand   new   things   to   come.     .     .

a mere meeting over a cup of coffee at a corner STARBUCKS

PROVED  IT

Two grateful friends

s      h      a      r      e      d ;

E X P E R I E N C E D       I   T

THE BLACKBOARD,

not so b l a n k,

The Coffee,

never better,

The Moment,

never lighter.          .          .

SNOWING when it DOESN’T

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While others were complaining

about it

S              N              O              W              I              N              G

again

and yes,

I absolutely was tempted.        .        .

I caught myself

and literally stopped in my tracks for

just a couple of minutes

T O     R E C O G N I Z E   W H A T     I     N O T I C E D.         .        .

Amazingly

when I just did that for two minutes

and a mere seven seconds

The other side of the coin flipped for me

and instantly

instead of literally joining the Masses

and severely

C      O      M      P      L      A      I      N      I      N      G

about it being APRIL 8

and it was snowing

A          G          A          I          N.          .          .

i  instead heard the most amazing

symphony being composed and performed at the same time

by an orchestra and chorus of birds

who were in the snow like me

and singing back in defiance

WHO CARES, WHO CARES, WHO CARES, WHO CARES, WHO CARES, 

and I stopped  myself  and  S   A   N   G

back this amazing refrain from an inner voice

I didn’t recognize:

I DO, I DO, I DO, I DO, I DO, I DO, I DO, I DO, I DO, I DO, I DO, I DO, I DO, 

and I did

.            .          .I finally recognized what I noticed

that  m o m e n t s

even those sprinkled with snow flakes

on a April 8th Sunday Morning

on the edge of an empty Church Parking lot

where bare brush and trees only purpose

were to collect rare Spring snowflakes

are  L I F E T I M E S

that never perish

and nor do the ones

who take the time

to recognize

what they notice.          .          .

I won the coin flip

to one of the biggest events

in my life

(this time)

but it was all I had

and all I wanted

in just two-minutes and seven seconds.          .          .          .

Going to HELL

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S   O   M   E   T   I   M   E   S

what we

T   H   I   N   K

and what we

K   N   O   W

are two different

U       N       I       V       E       R       S       E       S

that never really ever meet

on the obscure

C    O    N    T    I    N    E    N    T

of the not very often enough visited

 E      X      P      E      R      I      E      N      C     E

But what you know

what you know you know

what you’d bet your life

that you know.      .       .

we least

A       C       T

like we know

L    I    F    E

is often

a metaphor

a simile

but rarely a

R E A L I Z E D       R E A L I T Y

HOME

HEAVEN

HELL

are not PO BOX Addresses

or Destinations

.       .      .they’re not even

dreams

illusions

or realities

.          .          .they are our

c h o i c e s

choices      with      consequences

.        .       .s o.        .        .

G  O        T  O        H  E  L  L

you might be surprised by the trip

you might be surprised by the destination

you might be surprised by the

H E L L      O F      I T

Eyes and EARS

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We use to play it as kids

usually in the back seat of the car

on longer-than-we-ever-wanted-trips:

PLAY THE GAME

WHAT    WOULD     YOU     RATHER     BE:

RIch/Poor

Hot/Cold

Get bit by a poison snake/Get bit by a shark

Be Deaf/Be Blind.          .          .

The Game was endless

and it did pass the time.          .          .

The question about the S E N S E S

seemed to always be the hardest.          .          .

even now.          .          .

What’s   most   important   to   you:

To   be   Heard

or   to   be   Seen.          .          .

To  See

or   to   Hear?

Tough decision, huh.       .      .

hopefully one you’ll never have to make,

but maybe S C I E N C E

can help.          .          .

When it comes to understanding how someone truly feels, it may be best to close your eyes and just listen, a new study shows.

Empathy allows people to identify the emotions, thoughts and feelings of others. To do this, people tend to not only focus on the exchange of words, but also a person’s facial expressions and other nonverbal cues.

But a new study from the American Psychological Association suggests that you could be trying to do too much. In fact, relying on a combination of vocal and facial cues may not be the most effective method for understanding the emotions or intentions of others, the study said. [5 Ways Your Emotions Influence Your World (and Vice Versa)]

“Social and biological sciences over the years have demonstrated the profound desire of individuals to connect with others and the array of skills people possess to discern emotions or intentions,” study author Michael Kraus, an assistant professor of organizational behavior at Yale University, said in a statement. “But, in the presence of both will and skill, people often inaccurately perceive others’ emotions.”

The new research found that people who focus solely on listening to another person’s voice — including what the person says and vocal cues such as pitch, cadence, speed and volume — were able to better empathize with that individual.

In the study, the researchers examined how more than 1,800 individuals communicated with others. Some participants were askedto listen but not look at each other, while others were asked to look but not listen. And in some cases, the participants were allowed to both look and listen while communicating with one another.

In addition, some of the participants listened to a recorded interaction between two strangers that was read to them by a computerized voice lacking the usual emotional inflections of human communication.

On average, the study found participants were able to interpret the emotions of their partner more accurately when they just listened to the other person and didn’t focus on facial expressions. Furthermore, listening to the computerized voice proved to be the least effective for accurately recognizing emotion.

In the study, the researchers examined how more than 1,800 individuals communicated with others. Some participants were askedto listen but not look at each other, while others were asked to look but not listen. And in some cases, the participants were allowed to both look and listen while communicating with one another.

Although facial expressions can tell a lot about how someone is feeling, Kraus said that people are good at using facial expressions to mask their emotions. Also, watching and listening may reduce empathetic accuracy because more information isn’t always better, and trying to do both at the same time can actually make it harder to understand the meaning behind a person’s vocal inflection and facial expression.

“Listening matters,” Kraus said. “Actually considering what people are saying and the ways in which they say it can, I believe, lead to improved understanding of others at work or in your personal relationships.”

So   let   me   ask:

DID    YOU    HEAR    WHAT    I    DIDN’T    SAY.          .          .

DID    YOU    SEE    WHAT     I     DIDN’T     S H O W

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.          .          .

L   O   O   K        Again

and see what you

H                 E                 A                 R

 

Recognizing what you NOTICE

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Back early in the Spring

I had a fleeting thought of

photographing/videoing

a tree that didn’t quiet explode

with leaves

beside one that

D       I       D

and I never

N          O          T          I          C          E          D

o           n          e

I wasn’t looking

expecting

noticing

seeing

recognizing

a tree with no leaves

beside a tree that was full of one

and then in the FALL

right before me

the magical

the quite-unexpected happened right before me:

A      TREE      WITHOUT      LEAVES

Sharing nakedly beside two beside and one behind

that hadn’t even changed color yet

let alone shed its leaves.          .          .

Maybe it’s the most paradoxical question of all time:

DO       YOU       ALWAYS       NOTICE       WHAT       YOU       RECOGNIZE ?

Sunday morning I was walking to my car and

I’m not sure if I saw it or it

 J                     U                     M                     P                     E                     D

into      my      eyes

but  at  least  for  this

O N C E     U P O N     A     T  I  M  E

.          .          .this one sacred moment

I recognized what I noticed:

a modern moment parable

gratefully

r     e     c     e     i     v     e     d 

and now humbly

s       h       a       r       e       d :

If you have a chance to

notice or recognize

eliminate the  CHOICE  and

DO  BOTH.        .        .

R E  C O G N I Z E

N    O   T   I   C   E

and at least in this case

WHEN    YOU    FIND    YOURSELF    EMBARRASSINGLY    BARE

SURROUND    YOURSELF    WITH    THAT    WHICH    ISN’T !

P E R S P E C T I V E

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https://youtu.be/D9IDoco2UB4

It’s   really   not   about   perspective.        .        .

It’s   all   merely   about

Y     O     U     R

P         E         R         S         P         E         C         T         I         V         E

.       .       .and then again it’s not about your

p  e  r  s  p  e  c  t  i  v  e

it’s all about your

s          h          a          r          e           d

p  e  r  s  p  e  c  t  i  v  e

and then again,

it’s not about your shared

p  e  r  s  p  e  c  t  i  v  e,

it’s about your received

p  e  r  s  p  e  c  t  i  v  e,

and then again

it’s not about your received

p  e  r  c  e  p  t  i  o  n,

it’s about your perceived

p  e  r  s  p  e  c  t  i  v  e,

and then again

 it’s not about your perceived

 p  e  r  c  e  p  t  i  o  n 

it’s just about.       .       .

well.            .            .

p        e        r        c        e        p        t        i        o         n —

(y     o     u     r     s)

and.       .        .

just  what  is

i   t ?

 

Adding UP

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T       R       U       T       H ?

Math   has   never   been   my   strong   suit.       .       .

And   even   when

I’ve managed to

Get    most   of   T H E M

R             I             G             H             T

It’s the

W             R             O             N             G

That  always  gets

R E D  –  M A R K E D

Pointed – Out

Observed

Recognized

Noticed

Shaking-the-finger-pointed-at-Y O U

S  E  E  N

Which has always

had me asking

In the most honorable

Caring-Catalytstic-Ways

W  H  A  T ‘ S

W R O N G

W I T H

R            I            G            H            T.            .            .

God might be a great Mathematician

And the Universe

A  glorious  Blackboard.         .         .

But some of the Pupils

and Teachers

just   can’t   be  F I G U R E D   out.          .          .

Pssssssssssst   of   the   Day:

You   are   not   a   part

of    their    equation

so    quit    trying    to    make    it    all

A   D   D       U   P.        .        .

Dry   Erase   me   for   a   Ba – Zillion,  Batman!

A Better Place

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Are you in a

B E T T E R       P L A C E

because of

S        O        M        E        O        N        E 

literally

created it

and put

you

in the

heart of

T       H       A       T

v   e   r   y

B  E  T  T  E  R      P L A C E

Maybe the biggest question:

Are you the

s              o              l              e

r e a s o n

S         O         M         E         O         N         E

is

in

a

b  e  t  t  e  r       p  l  a  c  e ?

I’ll tell the world, I’ll sing a song,

It’s a better place since you came along    

Your touch is sunlight

through the trees

Your kisses are the ocean breeze

Everything’s alright when you’re with me

And I hold my favorite thing

I hold the love that you bring

But it feels like I’ve opened my eyes again

And the colors are golden and bright again

There’s a song in my heart, I feel like I belong

It’s a better place since you came along

I see the whole world in your eyes

It’s like I’ve known you all my life

We just feel so right

So I pour my heart into your hands

It’s like you really understand

You love the way I am.     .     .

Maybe if we were to sit across from

e     a     c     h ‘ s

o          t          h          e          r    

and do nothing

n  o  t     o  n  e     t  h  i  n  g

but just look

into one another’s

e   y   e   s

we’d not just see

those we love

d i f f e r e n t l y.            .            .

I               M               A               G               I               N               E

if we were to sit

across from those

who have

hurt us

disappointed us

mocked us

disrespected us

intentionally went out of their ways

to feel each of those things

in utterly devastating ways

countless times

o                     v                     e                     r

would it be the same kind of

lyric

or even more

l         i         f         e

c          h          a          n          g          i          n          g   ?

Dare   to   find   out.          .          .

u        n        b        l        i        n        k        i        n        g        l        y ?

POP UP

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A c c i d e n t?

C o i n c i d e n c e?

ON  P U R P O S E ?

You know how Face Book works, right?

The video was over five years ago

and it just

H          A          P          P          E          N           E           D

I    T

P      O     P     P     E     D            U     P

on my friend,

Bruce Smith’s timeline

and he shared it

a     c     c     o     r     d     i     n     g      l     y

and I’m egoistical enough

to think that it was just

F   O   R         M   E.        .        .

This video was shot as a part of the

FACES     OF     HOSPICE

way

before

I ever envisioned,

i m a g i n e d

The      Caring      Catalyst

and

m     e,

like  you

realized I was

o       n       e.         .          .

Bruce,

in 2012

p o s t e d:

“Posting  from  my  friend, Chuck  Behrens.  What  a  gift  this  Easter!  We  are reminded  sometimes  we  are  the  only  Jesus  someone  encounters  and  Chuck  got to  represent  in  person.  What  a  Blessing!”

I don’t think I’ve seen

and aside from

Face Book,

talked to Bruce Smith since 1973.         .        .

but he communicated more to me

in a single post from

f i v e      y e a r s     a g o

what I know,

what I bet I know,

what I bet my life I know.     .     .

but rarely

A          C          T

l i k e       I       k n o w.          .          .

until  a  mirror was thrown up in front of me

and I saw someone

I hadn’t recognized.     .     .

n o t i c e d

but now

u   n   b   l   i   n   k   i   n   g   l   y

can’t stop

s              e              e              i              n              g.        .        .

may we all

take such a

g           a           n           d           e           r

Professional Speaker, Author, Assurance Man