Discovery — Page 50

When The Wrong Way ISN’T

October 28, 2016 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

It was early. . .

right before 8:00 a.m.

and she spotted me right away as I walked off the elevator.

I was covering for him;

he was on vacation

and I had gotten the alert we had a new patient

that needed to be seen before the weekend

so that we would stay compliant. . .

I went over to the nurses station where she was standing

and I asked about the new patient and what room he was in;

The Nurse told me that he was in room 2223

and he had a good night.

When I went to his room he was sleeping,

but not very soundly. . .

I gently knocked on the door

and introduced myself. . .

I explained my role of being a Spiritual Care Coordinator

and it really being a fancy name for being a Chaplain. . .

“I know that you have just come on to hospice and there’s been a whole wave of folks to come in to see you, even me. But, sir,” I went on to explain further, “You’re so important to all of us that you get your own Nurse, Social Worker, Home Health Aide, Chaplain, and if you would like, a Music or Art Therapist or even a Masseuse.”

I’ve said something like this

in a script-like introduction 1000’s of times before

in my 22 years of hospice work. . .

“God Dammit,” he whispered,

almost like he was just above silently praying the

“O u r F a t h e r,”

and then he said it louder and one more time

L O U D E R still.

It was then that I saw that his eyes were more than misted,

that they had actually welled up to the point of overflowing their brims. . .

“It’s not suppose to be like this, it’s just god damn not suppose to be like this,”

he said, a little more composed tone as he opened up the lid to his oatmeal.

“Shit balls,”

he said as he stabbed a spoon in the middle of it.

“This’ll make it all better.”

We both laughed.

“Are you in any pain? Do you hurt anywhere?”

“Not really?”

“Are, are you afraid? Worried?”

He let his mouthful of Oatmeal do the talking.

S I L E N C E

. . .scares people into talking

. . .sometimes even shouting loudly

. . .or just making noise

—-any sounds

so as to break that highly polished

C r y s t a l S I L E N C E

into small, jagged pieces

that might cut but not remain Soundless

any longer. . .

We feared the SILENCE—–

Neither of us. . .

We accepted it. . .

Embraced it. . .

Let it do our talking

and we L I S T E N E D. . .

More. . .we heard!

He stared down into his coffee cup

as if it was a magic mirror

waiting to tell him the secret of Life and,

. . .and of Death

He was really looking for the Answer

even while wanting to ask the

Ultimate Question. . .

“Yeah, uhh, yeah, I’m a little afraid,”

he coughed, cleared his throat and then affirmed,

“But not of dying, but more of the how, the when, the hurt of it all.”

He didn’t look up from his coffee.

He did look up,

and without blinking, asked,

“Is that normal?”

“Yes, I believe it is because so many others have told me so.”

“That they’re afraid of what happens before they die and not after?”

“Yes.”

“What, what do you tell them?”

“I ask them what has helped them in the past when they were going through something so hard and difficult.”

S I L E N C E

“And now, now I am asking you. . . What helps you? What do you need just right now, not then, just right here, right now?”

“I think a prayer would really help.”

“Would you like me to pray with you or would you like to pray with me?”

“I think I’d like you to pray with me. . .Would you?”

“Yes sir. . .Yes, I would be honored. Would you like me to include anything in the prayer?”

“Whatever comes to your mouth.”

“God, we call you by many names and one of them happens to be ‘Our Father.’ It makes us all of your children. You have never lied to us, you told us there was a time to be born and a time to die; but you’ve promised no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mouth has told, no mind has ever imagined what you have planned for those you’ve enduringly loved. The truest and sincerest gift we have is our Fear and we wholeheartedly give it to you. If you can’t take it all away, please share it with us. . .”

“Thank you. . .This was great. . . I really appreciated you coming by even when I didn’t know how bad I needed it.”

“You gave me the gift, this morning, sir. . . Thank you.”

We shook hands without much shaking. . .

I held his hands in mine. . .

We locked eyes. . .

We didn’t blink. . .

Universal language

spoken/heard- -implicitly. . .

When I went out to the nurses station,

the Nurse was flustered. . .

“I’m so sorry. . .”

“What for?”

“I sent you into see the wrong patient. . . He’s not with your hospice, he’s with another one. . . I’m so sorry!”

“Don’t you take that from me,”

I said smiling at her. . .

“We just had an awesome visit. . .

I don’t care if he was with our hospice or not…it was a great visit, for both of us.”

And then I laughed. . .

“Besides, I don’t have to document on him now!”

She laughed too, with a redness covering her face. . .

“But you do have to go see your real hospice patient now.”

He was sleeping. . .

I was a l o t more awake. . .

What You Do

October 17, 2016 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

How many times have you been asked?

How many times have you asked it of yourself?

How many times have you actually answered it?

How many times have you dared to

L I V E

I T ?

If money were truly NO object. . .

What would you do?

Are you Living the life of your dreams

or the life that just feeds a bank account,

a pension, a 401K account,

a mortgage payment,

a water/gas/electric/cable bill,

a s t o m a c h ?

Do you even believe it?

Doing what you truly love

means that the money will actually follow. . .

How many people do you know,

r i g h t n o w ,

at this moment,

that are actually l i v i n g

the life of their dreams?

Are you?

What ultimately keeps you back,

fear of failing,

fear of success,

fear of going bankruptcy,

fear of embarrassment

that others might heap upon you?

If money were no object. . .

If failure wasn’t in fact an option. . .

Would you. . .

would you live the life of your dreams?

What?

How do you know what

T H A T

actually is?

It’s been theorized

that the graduates of 2016

will not have five jobs. . .

they will have

S I X

C A R E E R S

Psssssssssssssst:

IT IS MOST OFTEN MORE THAN ONE THING !

Don’t ever subtract your very self to just

A P u r p o s e
A M e a n i n g
A R e a s o n
A D e s t i n y

You are

P L U R A L

not Singular. . .

You are NOT just a Success or a Failure. . .

You are a succession

of both

and so many other things

in between those two poles. . .

You will never be inspired

to be a Musician

if you are a true Painter,

an Accountant

if you are a Mechanic,

a Teacher

if you are a Rocket Scientist. . .

You are P L U R A L

never Singular;

Go ahead PICK ONE . .

even if it means turning the page. . .

or Beginning a new Chapter. . .

Starting a new Book. . .

or completely shredding it

and writing a new one

with some-not-so-blank

p a p e r

and an inkless pen. . .

It’s Y O U !

And you. . .

You are always worth betting on;

If you can bet,

go all in on y o u r s e l f. . .

A n y w h i c h o n e y o u. . .

Your Cellular Level

October 5, 2016 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

What’s Greater. . . ?

An Academy Award. . .

An Olympic Medal. . .

A Nobel Prize. . .

A Single Cell of Compassion. . . ?

Japan-born scientist, Yoshinori Ohsumi

has recently been named as one of the newest

Nobel Prize Winners. . .

Ohsumi illuminated a cellular process called,

A U T O P H A G Y

S E L F – E A T I N G

in which cells

take unneeded or damaging material

including entire

o r a n g e l l e s

and transport them to a

recycling compartment

of sorts–

in yeast cells,

this compartment is called

the lisosome,

while vacuoles

serve a similar purpose in

h u m a n c e l l s. . .

and this means what to us. . . ?

Ohsumi figured out a way to observe the inner workings of yeast cells and reveal autophagy inside of them. He went even further to identify the genes involved in yeast autophagy and to show that similar self-eating mechanisms occur inside human cells. His discoveries in the 1990’s led to a new understanding of how the cell recycles its contents, opening up a window into the importance of autophagy to several physiological processes and even to understanding certain diseases. Mutations in autophagy have been linked to diseases such as cancer and neurological disorders like Parkinson’s disease. . . .

and this means what to us. . . ?

On a cellular level. . .

at o u r core

both animals and human beings

have what Dacher Keltner

at the University of California, Berkley,

coins a

compassionate instinct. . .

we are wired for kindness and compassion. . .

Compassion is a

natural and a u t o m a t i c

response

that has ensured our survival. . .

Mr Darwin’s message

was not the

survival of the fittest

but rather

s u r v i v a l o f t h e k i n d e s t

because we need

each other’s support

and care to survive as a species. . .

Being a Caring Catalyst

is who we can’t help

but to be

but we can

h e l p

it more. . .

and t h a t

goes way. . .w a y

deeper than a

c e l l u l a r l e v e l. . .

What’s Greater. . . ?

An Academy Award. . .

An Olympic Medal. . .

A Nobel Prize. . .

A Single-Cell of Compassion. . .

or y o u r

Single-Cell of contagious Kindness. . .

B E T Y O U R L I F E

I T

Your Mantra

September 14, 2016 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

Bill Parcells, Super Bowl, Hall of Fame Coach has a Mantra

that he would strongly encourage his football teams to

adopt:

“D O N ‘ T E V E R L E T G O O D E N O U G H B E G O O D E N O U G H”

A G R E E

D I S A G R E E ?

New Year’s Day is still a whopping

1 0 8 Days Away,

so don’t get any ideas about getting crazy and making

r e s o l u t i o n s

but how about something that’ll last longer than the obligatory

couple of weeks past

January 1 ?

Why not a Mantra?

L E T G O O D B E G O O D E N O U G H

Seriously. . .

There’s something about that simply Manta that spells:

H A P P I N E S S

Voltaire once said,

“Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of of the good.”

I’ve never been accused of being a perfectionist

but at times I like being close. . .

You?

In his book,

THE PARADOX OF CHOICE

Barry Schwartz says there are two kinds of people:

S A T I S F I C E R S

and

M A X I M I Z E R S

SATISFICERS are people who make a decision or take action once their criteria are met.

MAXIMIZERS want to make the optimal decision–even if they see a bike or a backpack that meets their requirements, they can’t make a decision until they’ve examined every option and done ultra-uber-research and data collecting.

Now the studies suggest that SATISFICERS tend to be

h a p p i e r

than MAXIMIZERS;

Maximizers spend a lot more time and energy to reach a decision, and they’re often anxious about whether they did, in fact, make the b e s t c h o i c e

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm of the Day kind of stuff, huh?

So what about a new Mantra?

Last week I was talking to a friend who told me that having adopted this mantra:

LET GOOD BE GOOD ENOUGH

has literally changed her life. . .

Jennifer Kunst, Ph.D seems to agree.

In her book,

WISDOM FROM THE COUCH: KNOWING AND GROWING YOURSELF FROM THE INSIDE OUT

Dr. Kunst suggests:

“. . .by accepting ourselves as enough, we must accept our limitations and the limitations of life itself. But in doing so, we also gain access to life’s real possibilities. By forsaking the false path of seeking something bigger and better, we choose a real path that may be smaller but less to a different kind of better. By choosing to accept ourselves as enough, we choose a better way of being who we already are. . . .”

It’s some 1 0 8 days away from another

New Year,

why waste another resolution

why waste another moment

when this very instant

when this very n o w

you can

L E T G O O D B E G O O D E N O U G H

you

can

personify

h a p p i n e s s

H A P P Y N E W life Y E A R

Has Your MESSAGE Changed?

September 12, 2016 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

Has Your Message Ever Changed?

Not only is

T I M E

moving at an unbelievably

fast pace,

but so is everything that is attached to

T I M E

like our information . . .

Has your Message Ever Changed?

Have what you believed

a year ago. . .

five years ago. . .

ten years ago. . .

fifteen years ago. . .

twenty years ago. . .

thirty years ago. . .

FIFTY years ago. . .

S I X T Y-S E V E N Y E A R S A G O . . .

still what you N O W believe

without any shadows of doubt

bet-the-farm-

bet-your-own-life

assurance?

It’s amazing what was

B E L I E V E D

K N O W N

T O U T E D

in 1949

so profoundly factually

has been so significantly been

debunked. . .

ever have any thoughts

ever have any feelings

ever have any on-your-children’s lives

S U R E T I E S

ever evaporate into

a-not-so-thin-puff-of-smoke

H A S Y O U R M E S S A G E E V E R C H A N G E D

. . .Should I T ?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Of The Day:

Your Olympic Moment

August 22, 2016 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

Abbey D’Agostino and Nikki Hamblin gave us quite the Olympic Moment

Your Olympic Moment. . .

has it happened already

or just merely

inspired?

It takes a long time to get from one Olympic to another. . .

for most, it’ll never be a reality;

The next one will be

F O U R Y E A R S

from now in

Tokyo

but some Olympics moment are never ending. . .

so are some of our day to day moments;

We are all running a most difficult

R A C E

One that seems to go

on and on and on and on and on and on

with no seeming

F I N I S H L I N E

in sight

and then you see. . .

you e x p e r i e n c e

something much greater

than some ending point. . .

you feel the greatness that can only come from within

but always

e m a n a t e s

o u t w a r d

u p w a r d. . .

We stumble

We fall

We trip up

We get hurt

We get disappointed

We feel discouraged

d e f e a t e d

and just when the race

feels hopelessly lost

another event starts

that knows

N O

L O S E R S

e v e r. . .

In our long journey to the

Finish Line

with the unceasingly

ever-running

have-got-to-beat

c l o c k

there’s a speckle of

t r u t h

that makes the

D E F E A T E D

U N D E F E A T A B L E :

WHEN YOU HAVE A CHANCE TO BE

RIGHT OR KIND

B E K I N D

and watch the

Finish Line

not only vanish. . .

but become something so very, very much more!

https://youtu.be/z5-fQ2Qda5U

The ROUGH Side of the Sheets

August 19, 2016 By ChuckBehrens 2 Comments

There’s a few guarantees in life that are not all that

P L E A S A N T

Here’s one:

The Other Side of the Sheets are Always

R o u g h e r

S c r a t c h i e r

More A b r a s i v e. . .

N O T C O M F O R T A B L E

In 3 7 5 days

a lot can happen;

much can happen in

3 7 5 s e c o n d s

or blinks of an eye. . .

3 7 5

days ago my wife Erin had

Five back to back to back to back to back

s e i z u r e s;

after five days of testing,

some of it, very painful

we were sent home

with a not so firm diagnosis of

viral meningitis. . .

but after a year of recovering

r e c o u p i n g

and still having on/off

f o c a l s e i z u r e s

we spent another short week at

The Epilepsy Lab

at the Cleveland Clinic

and now have a firm diagnosis of

Left Temporal Epilepsy;

most likely managed with

the right medications

which may take some tinkerings

that finds us on the

r o u g h

s c r a t c h y

a b r a s i v e

n o t c o m f o r t a b l e

O T H E R S I D E O F T H E S H E E T S

There have been plenty of studies done about

how miserable

The Other Side of the Sheets

can actually be

for those who spend most of their time on

the more comfortable

more familiar

less irritating

BEST SIDE OF THE SHEETS

of Caregiving:

W E D O N ‘ T L I K E I T !

There’s a Universe of Difference between

C A R E G I V I N G

and

C A R E G E T T I N G,

But T H E L E S S O N

is invaluable for either side of the Sheets:

YOUR SUFFERING

MY SUFFERING

and

MY SUFFERING

YOUR SUFFERING

and no matter how rumpled the sheets

either side. . .

we can all do our part

to make sure they are a lot

s m o o t h e r. . .

adding a little compassionate care

is the softener

necessary to make

both sides of the sheets

h e a l i n g;

. . .now pass me the pillow case,

p l e a s e,

I T C A N A L W A Y S A L I T T L E M O R E C O M F Y

G L O R I O U S

August 1, 2016 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

Sometimes you go to Church

without ever actually going

T H E R E

(and those are the most holy of times)

There are times when

You might feel aimless

And can’t see the places

Where you belong

But you will find that

There is a a purpose

It’s been there within you

All along

And when you’re near it

You can almost heart it

It’s like a symphony

Just keep listening

And pretty soon you’ll start

To figure out your part

Everyone plays a piece

And there are melodies

In each one of us

Ohhhhh it’s G L O R I O U S

And you will know how

To let it ring out

As you discover

Who you are

Others around you

Will start to wake up

To the sounds that are

In their hearts

It’s so amazing

What we’re all creating

It’s like a Symphony

Just keep listening

And pretty soon you’ll start

To figure out your part

Everyone plays a piece

And there are melodies

in each one of us

Ohhhhh it’s G L O R I O U S

And as you feel

The notes built

H I G H E R

You will see

It’s like a Symphony

Just keep listening

And pretty soon you’ll start

To figure out your part

Everyone plays a piece

And there are melodies

In each one of us

Ohhhhh it’s G L O R I O U S

Sometimes you go to Church

without stepping into the front door

of even the most magnificent of

all sanctuaries. . .

on a brand new,

f r e s h

Monday Morning. . .

B E

T H A T

S A N C T U A R Y

that simply

a c c e n t u a t e s

another’s part

in the

s y m p h o n y

and listen to how it

plays

inspires

motivates

new notes in you

that have yet to be

c o n d u c t e d

I T ‘ S

G L O R I O U S

MUDDERS

July 22, 2016 By ChuckBehrens 2 Comments

It was a Sunday morning. . .

more Sunday’s ago than I can actually calculate

but I was in college and tired of studying. . .

It was raining

and so I took the car when I normally would have walked the

few blocks to a Church

that was getting built next door to an old city mansion

where the Church

was now meeting until the building was completed.

The Parking Lot. . .

more of a muddy field was

u n m a n e u v e r a b l e

My first mistake

was that I actually tried getting out of the car

I sunk to my ankles in cold, wet mud

There were about a dozen men and a few woman standing on the porch

watching me

s i n k

and then push my

car

It took a while

NO O N E H E L P E D

or even yelled to offer.

I fell several times

and my clothes and shoes were more mud than cloth and leather.

I made it

In college,

I lived with my grandmother’s;

when she saw me and my mud covered car

she fumed

as I told her the story

and began stripping out of my mud caked clothes.

I’ll never forget what she said

after calling

the good Church folk

some not so kindly

Church folk names:

“Those bunch of hypocrites. . .that’s exactly why I don’t go to Church. . .”

I yelled over my shoulder as I was going down the basement steps to the Washer:

“and that’s exactly why I want to serve One. . .”

Since t h a t I can’t count

the times I’ve found myself in

one muddy field

after another

pushing

struggling

cursing

my way through

I don’t notice so much anymore

just who’s watching

who’s noticing

who’s just passively

observing

or actually turning the other way.

Sometimes

in all of that Mud

it’s even harder to figure out

really where I want

really what I want to

b e ?

And I can’t fathom

this is where I was meant to be

here

now

again

in the mud

in the not so pretty

in the not so acceptable

in the not so easy to get completely clean place. . .

And then

Sometimes, because it seems

like it happens in

blink-of-the-eye-quickness

I go from one

muddy place

to another

without having the opportunity

to even sprinkle off

A N D T H A T ‘ S W H E N I T H I T S M E

I am at

my absolute best

WHEN I AM AT MY MUDDIEST;

My Best

When I’m at my most uncleanest;

When I’m at my most Soiled-est;

When I’m at my most filthiest;

When I’m at my most dingiest;

When I’m at my most foulest;

because that’s where

the most people reside

right there

right there in the mud

pushing

struggling

cursing

their ways, too

It’s not so much that we help each other as it is

that we

N O T I C E

R E C O G N I Z E

don’t turn away from

s e e i n g

We are not alone

We are

M U D D E R S

one

and

all

in need of a shower

and finding

barely a random

s p r i n k l e

y e t being

g r a t e f u l

just the same. . . .

Drinking from the Saucer

April 1, 2016 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

Have you ever done it before?

If you were at a Five-Star Restaurant and had just had a very expensive, satisfying dinner and the waitress, who has addressed your every whim and need, is now pouring your coffee to overflowing perfection so it’s a small moat in your saucer around your coffee cup.

Q U E S T I O N :

Are you an A P R I L F O O L enough

in front of all the guests,

enjoying dinner as you are,

going to S L U R P from your saucer?

Not even if it’s the best coffee ever,

Right?

Well, not many of us take notice

and might not readily admit it,

but the good stuff I S in the Saucer. . .

the Overflow is always/ALL ways

where IT’S at. . .

Any Real April Fool knows that, don’t they?

A few weeks ago,

I conducted the small memorial service for Charles.

I never met him before.

He was a hospice patient in a group home near Santa Barbara, CA.

He was 92 and had been there most of his life,

but his life was never defined by that little fact.

Charles was an April Fool every month of the year. . .

Charles drank from the saucer,

u n a b a s h e d l y, o f t e n,

with a smile on his face

and a pure, unadulterated happiness in his heart.

I learned that Charles had friends,

found true love,

traveled extensively,

had a job he took pride in,

and led a stress-free,

h a p p y l i f e !

Saucer slurping high living, huh?

The truest of April Fools

S e r i o u s l y ,

if given the chance IN or OUT of a Group Home,

if at our last breath,

we could KNOW,

not hope, wish, dream. . .

K N O W

that we had friends,

found true love,

traveled extensively,

had a job we took pride in,

and led a stress-free, happy life

—-S a u c e r – S i p p e r—–

Class A April Fool,

would you turn it down,

walk away?

Don’t feel bad. . .

M a n y d o !

Pssssssssst:

D o n ‘ t b e M A N Y !

Most don’t have the chance to drink fully from The Cup,

let alone the Saucer. . .

Most would turn down voluntarily being an

A P R I L F O O L

any day of the year,

let alone on April 1

Look again.

There’s not only a Full Cup we have

but a Saucer for the Overflow

Hmmmmmm of the Day:

Now Noticing would be one thing.

Drinking from them both. . .Quite another!

One. . .Two. . .Three:

S L U R P Deeply

You April Fool

Get Charles’d !

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