Who Cares - What Matters
He stares
at his hand
and the pen
as it levitates
over a blank page
not just waiting for a word
but a rare polished gem
that’ll never be mined
only to be replaced
by some fool’s gold
d r o s s
unrefined
never to hold any value
meaning
sense
And he smiles
w i d e l y
as he sighs
without a breath
‘This is Poetry at its best’
Hair Love,
an Oscar-winning animated short film
from Akron University’s Matthew A. Cherry,
tells the heartfelt story of an African American father
learning to do his daughter’s hair
for the first time. . .
L I S T E N
take it from a bald man
A LITTLE BIT WORK
AND A WHOLE LOT OF LOVE
is a message
that transcends
even the most
unruliest
strands of hair
Most are willing to put in the
W O R K
but not the
L O V E
but when you do,
Life not only
C H A N G E S
it revolutionarily gets
B E T T E R
(P R O V E I T)
Thinking outside the box challenges, agitates, even frightens most of us,
and worst of all:
KEEPS US IN THE BOX
I recently saw this amazing video from a post of Chris Cade and it came with some other smash-up-get-rid-of-the-box thoughts:
One thousand and five hundred kindergarten children were given a test in divergent thinking.
98% of those children scored at genius level.
Divergent thinking is what allows you to see lots of possible answers to a question.
If you ask your average person how to cook an egg, he’ll come up with about ten different ways you can do it. Frying pan, poacher, pot of boiling water, in a cake, etc.
Someone good at divergent thinking will come up with 200 ways to cook that egg.
How?
Because she thinks outside of the kitchen. He’ll cook the egg on the back of sunbather at the beach. At the end of a lightning rod. Or how about putting it in a indestructible container and throwing it into the center of the sun?
80% of the answers will be impractical… but it’s how you find the perfect answer nobody has thought about yet.
According to this one study (from the book “Breakpoint and Beyond”) we’re all born with a natural ability for divergent thinking. 1,470 out 1,500 children are brilliant at thinking up endless possibilities.
The same study tested the same kids ten years later.
As you can imagine, most lost their ability for divergent thinking.
“This shows two things,” says Sir Ken Robinson (world renowned education and creativity expert). “One is we all have this capacity. And two, it mostly deteriorates.”
“Now, a lot of thing has happened to these kids as they’ve grown up. Al lot. But one of the most important things that has happened to them, I’m convinced, is they’ve become ‘educated.’ They spent ten years at school being told there’s one answer – it’s at the back.”
That’s what today’s “Paper Airplane” video is all about.
And do you know why divergent thinking is so important? Because no two situations are exactly the same.
Whatever troubles, challenges or goals you are facing in life… they are like no one else’s. You’ll never find the exact answer to your problems in a book.
You need to think for yourself.
And you need to think of not 10 or 20 or even 40 different solutions for your problem.
You need to think of 200.
You need to think way outside the box. . .
Because life doesn’t come in a box with a instruction manual
even though we keep acting like it does
in the worst possible way
BY LOOKING FOR SAID INSTRUCTIONS
JUST THE SAME. . .
what tends to happen is we end up putting our life in a box supplied to us by society.
It even comes an instruction
“one-size fits all”
manual. . .
Of course, it’s never going to get you very far
Living in someone else’s box
following their instructions
At best, you’ll be average. . .
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm:
this video is about the
“science of making paper airplanes.”
Interesting because the airplane was invented by two bicycle repair men – the Wright Brothers. . .
They specialized in divergent thinking. . .
Other inventors at the time — with far more money — were focused on building a bigger and more powerful engine for their gliders. The consensus was. . .
“if you get a powerful enough engine, the thing would fly.”
The Wright brothers instead built a six-foot wind tunnel in their bicycle shop. This allowed them to test different wings and propellers. On December 17, 1903 they won the race while competitors were going bankrupt.
But today’s “Paper Airplane” movie puts even the divergent thinking of the Wright brothers to shame. Because a paper airplane is not what Wilbur and Orville flew south of Kitty Hawk…
So why put a paper airplane in the Kitty Hawk Box?
Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
The Best way to think
OUT OF THE BOX
is to
GET RID OF THE BOX
Besides. . .
why’s everyone settling for flying
when you can soar
and why soar
when you can
ascend
and why ascend
when you can
T R A N S C E N D
Have you ever been in
THE FOG. . .
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
not the kind you drive in
THE FOG
that comes from the
Perfect Storms
in our lives
that suck all of the
Joy
Happiness
Reason
Purpose
L I F E
out of us. . .
THE FOG
gets born
from all of the
WHY’S
HOW COME’S
WHAT FOR’S
that batter us
from all fronts
and literally leave us
rudderless
and virtually
without any
i n s t r u m e n t a t i o n
to guide us
like we are living in
THE FOG
Sometimes
there is a
Fog within a Fog
One dissipates
While the other
remaining nameless
s t a y s
trying on different hats
all out of style
and never very
c o m p l i m e n t a r y
discarded for a Salvation Army bin
on an empty lot
but worn as a badge of honor
by the soul
Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
The greatest thing about
THE FOG
is that it lifts. . .
(keep your sunglasses handy)
And if you want to
h u r r y
THE FOG
shoooooo-ing out of sight
CREATE YOUR OWN SUNSHINE
. . .ACT AS IF
(all-ways)
Two years ago, Kobe Bryant became the first person to win both a sporting championship and an Oscar with his victory in the Best Animated Short Film for “Dear Basketball.”
The five-time NBA champion and former Los Angeles Lakers shooting guard, who died Sunday in a helicopter crash in L.A. County at age 41, won the Academy Award for his collaboration with animator Glen Keane.
In his acceptance speech alongside Keane in stage, Bryant aimed a swift jab at Fox News host Laura Ingraham, by saying basketball stars shouldn’t just “shut up and dribble.”
Ingraham had come under heavy fire the previous month for criticizing LeBron James and fellow NBA star Kevin Durant for making anti-Trump comments in an interview with ESPN’s Cari Champion for “UNINTERRUPTED,” saying they shouldn’t comment on politics and should “shut up and dribble.”
Durant went on to say that he thought Ingraham’s on-air comments were “racist,” while James responded in a simple Instagram post, stressing “I am more than an athlete.”
“I’ve always been told that as basketball players the expectation is that you play. This is all you know. This is all you do. Don’t think about handling finances. Don’t think about going into business. Don’t think that you want to be a writer 00 that’s cute,” Bryant told the Undefeatedahead of the Oscar ceremony. “I got that a lot. What do you want to do when you retire? ‘Well, I want to be a storyteller.’ That’s cute.
“This is … a form of validation for people to look and say, ‘OK, he really can do something other than dribble and shoot,” he said.
It doesn’t matter how many pages are in the Book of Life
so much as what’s
W R I T T E N
on each precious one
and more
exactly what’s
g l e a n e d
. . .We worry and fret about so many
U N N E C E S S A R Y
s t u f f
and knowing that
doesn’t make us worry less. . .
THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
And if you need something more simple
take a deep drink from my big mug:
The taste is indescribable
and the mug
is bottomless
(Just 8 days ago, a sports legend and his daughter, along with 7 other souls were lost to this world in an unspeakable, way-too-soon tragedy. Due to its shocking suddenness, and the profile of one involved, the cultural wound is vast and many are asking the big questions, which I think is an entirely appropriate response. If you are such a person, finding yourself grieving, whatever the reason, please know that I’d love to listen, and chat if you’d like. No joke. Your grief; your worry and the big questions need to be felt, asked, heard, and wrestled with responsibly. I’m yours for the hearing.)
25 of anything is a good amount
but 25 years
well, now,
that’s even more of a profound number
and account. . .
A QUARTER OF A CENTURY
25 Years and more. . .
So very, very much more
I began serving North Royalton Christian Church on January 15, 1995, knowing that I NEEDED to have a part-time position to supplement my income having jumped from a full-time Senior Minister position at Westlake Christian Church and a part-time chaplain’s position at St. John Westshore Hospital to a Spiritual Care Coordinator’s position at Hospice of the Western Reserve. It was a JUMP then and now I don’t regret even though it was a major change for me and the family. I NEEDED to have this position more than I WANTED to have the position and when Susan Cash, an Elder and also one of the primary people on the Search Committee, stood up this past Sunday in Church and marked the occasion with some fabulous and humbling remarks, (which can be seen at the bottom of this post in full taken from the February Church Newsletter) It only summoned the memory to recall things that the weight of, buckles knees and humbles the heart.
I thought 25 years ago, I NEEDED North Royalton Christian Church for the supplemental income when there have been few moments in those 25 years that have failed to remind me that I NEEDED North Royalton Christian Church for so very much more, and oh, oh how they have delivered in more ways that we will all fail to fully comprehend. My best moments (and hopefully, theirs) is when we have lived in full, vivid living color that I am not THE minister of North Royalton Christian Church, but actually and fully, A MINISTER of the church and our greatest achievements and even failings, have been when we’ve seen each other that way. WE, US, not I or me, do the ministry of the church. In essence, they made me A Caring Catalyst before I knew the true definition on one.
Maybe it’s ironic, but as we are celebrating 25 years of ministry together, I am also looming on celebrating 40 years of being ordained this May. In such a profound and powerful way I fully KNOW that I’m not just a sum total of all the pieces/parts/experiences that make me up, but literally, all of the lives who have made my life, MY LIFE.
What excites and motivates me now is that there are still lives, pieces, parts, and experiences that continue to be added, to further, and not just expand or make my tapestry, but actually BE MY TAPESTRY. A single thread a tapestry does not make. I’m so richly consecrated to have that proven moment by moment and better still, person by person.
Much in the same vein of Robert Frost’s poem, STOPPING BY THE WOODS ON A SNOWY EVENING, I so much embody the last verse:
THE WOODS ARE LOVELY, DARK AND DEEP,
BUT I HAVE PROMISES TO KEEP,
AND MILES TO GO BEFORE I SLEEP,
AND MILES TO GO BEFORE I SLEEP.
In a way that echoes those very sentiments, Susan ended her much appreciated remarks with a quote by an author I’ve never really read, Ursula Le Guin. It comes from her novel, ALWAYS COMING HOME:
“When I take you to the Valley, you’ll see the blue hills on the left and the blue hills on the right, the rainbow and the vineyards under the rainbow late in the rainy season, and maybe you’ll say, ‘There it is, that’s it!’ But I’ll say, ‘A little further.’ We’ll go on, I hope and you’ll see the roofs of the little towns and the hillsides yellow with wild oats, a buzzard soaring and a woman singing by the shadows of a creek in the dry season, and maybe you’ll say, ‘Let’s stop here, this is it!’ But I’ll say, ‘A little further yet.’ And we’ll go on, a you’ll hear a quail calling on the mountain by the springs of the river, and looking back you’ll see the river running downward through the wild hills behind, below, and you’ll say, ‘Isn’t that the Valley?’ And all I will be able to say is, ‘Drink this water of the spring, rest here awhile, we have a long way yet to go without you.’”
I know that my best steps are the ones I’ve never taken alone
but in sync with others
and that the ones to be taken
could be the best ones
still yet to come
with the promise
that those taken long after my last step
could be the very best yet
even more
because of any step I’ve walked along with others
. . .those are the steps
that keep marching forward
. . .ALL-WAYS forward
advancing
inspiring other steps
to be taken
experienced
s h a r e d
25 Years
and More
so very, very much
M O R E
that shows you the difference between
N O T I C I N G
and
K N O W I N G
I have been so magnificently blessed
in experiencing both
and the best part–
I still do
I still am
WE ARE HUMBLY APPRECIATIVE
Thank you
January 26, 2020
In Honor of Chuck and Erin’s 25th Anniversary
In January 1995, we didn’t have GPS. There was no Febreze or Swiffer. Selfies & texting didn’t exist because there were no smart phones. Invisible braces were far off in the future. There was no Wikipedia, Google or Facebook and online banking and shopping at Amazon were not yet available.
If you were attending NRCC in early January of 1995, you know we didn’t have a minister either until later in the month. That’s when Chuck joined us.
Over the years, Chuck has presented about 1200 sermons to us. He doesn’t preach, he tells parables—I remember one of his first Sundays here he told us about a character in his hometown who the towns’ people called Ugly. It was a very touching and dramatic story. Chuck has delivered a sermon from the top of a ladder; he’s come dressed as a bum; was an Elvis impersonator; has been Paul, Peter, and Judas; and he often sings his sermons. Once his niece sat in our congregation as a homeless person.
I don’t think he has ever repeated a sermon let alone repeated a theme.
And standing alongside Chuck is Erin—we got a twofer—two special gifts to this congregation. We thank God for sending you both to us. You’ll never know how much we appreciate your devotion, your dedication, your love, your spirit, your teachings, and your wisdom.
I was watching a program about the writer Ursula Le Guin recently and the program ended with her reading from her novel Always Coming Home. I think her words speak to Chuck and Erin’s ministry here:
“When I take you to the Valley, you’ll see the blue hills on the left and the blue hills on the right, the rainbow and the vineyards under the rainbow late in the rainy season, and maybe you’ll say, “There it is, that’s it!” But I’ll say. “A little farther.” We’ll go on, I hope, and you’ll see the roofs of the little towns and the hillsides yellow with wild oats, a buzzard soaring and a woman singing by the shadows of a creek in the dry season, and maybe you’ll say, “Let’s stop here, this is it!” But I’ll say, “A little farther yet.” We’ll go on, and you’ll hear the quail calling on the mountain by the springs of the river, and looking back you’ll see the river running downward through the wild hills behind, and you’ll say, “Isn’t that the Valley?” And all I will be able to say is “Drink this water of the spring, rest here awhile, we have a long way yet to go and I can’t go without you.”
Thank you Chuck and Erin
Written by Susan Cash
There was a terrible helicopter accident on Sunday, January 26, 2020 and not only did nine people die in a horrible crash, but nine families and in some ways, the whole world will forever be changed. . .
F O R E V E R
as in eternally
Two of those people were Kobe Bryant and his daughter, Gianna
otherwise it would have been a terrible accident that would have made
the local/regional news and quickly forgotten except for those families now perpetually changed. . .
S O
G R I E F
is such a powerful emotion
mostly because all of other emotions
come and go
but
deeper than on a cellular level
grief
stays with us
through our last breath;
our final heartbeat. . .
Years from now we may all easily recall where we were at, what we were doing when Kobe Bryant died just like:
Most of us know exactly where we were and what we were doing when we learned that a beloved public figure had died. A half-century ago, our parents and grandparents learned about President Kennedy’s death at 2:38 p.m. on November 22, 1963, when Walter Cronkite delivered the devastating news on network television. Decades later, many of us may have been taking a quick Facebook break when we discovered the shocking deaths of legendary musicians like David Bowie, or still-in-their-prime performers like Amy Winehouse. Minutes after the news breaks, our social-media pages are filled with videos of the late musicians’ classic performances, and heartfelt posts and tweets about how deeply saddened we are by the loss.
But most of us never met these people.
We know little more about them than what we see at the theater, hear at their concerts, or read in publicist-orchestrated interviews. So, why are we so saddened? And is this sadness normal?
Grief, or the sadness we feel when we lose someone or something that we’re deeply attached to, is perfectly normal. It’s so normal, in fact, that psychiatrists long believed that depression was a perfectly appropriate reaction when a loved one died. Much of what we know about grief comes from academic studies and self-help books focused on the loss of a very close loved one, such as a spouse, a child, or even a pet. The death of someone we loved and lived with brings the most profound grief, yet sadness or bouts of introspection can accompany other losses. Homesickness or nostalgia, for instance, can trigger grief-like symptoms. We may yearn for a place or time when we were young, happy, well-loved, and shielded from the harsh realities of adulthood.
It’s not surprising that so many people feel at least a short-term spell of sadness or emptiness when a favorite artist, writer, or political leaderdies. These feelings of sadness (if appropriately short-lived) can actually be good for us. Here’s why:
1. It heightens our sense of empathy and understanding for those who are suffering.
Some public figures die peacefully after long and happy lives. Yet many others, especially those who die prematurely, have publicly battled demons that would have been kept secret decades ago. Celebrities aren’t alone in their struggles with illnesses like depression, drug abuse, and alcoholism. When Robin Williams committed suicide in 2015, he was one of an estimated 40 million Americans suffering from depression. Philip Seymour Hoffman was a gifted and versatile actor at the peak of his career when he died at age 46 in 2014. He was also one of more than 8,200 people who died of a heroin overdose that year. The deaths of beloved performers like 31-year-old Corey Monteith of Glee and 65-year-old vocalist Natalie Cole put a face on drug and alcohol addiction. Although medical professionals recognize that addiction is a disease, many Americans still view it as a moral failing. One recent study found that only 22 percent of people would be willing to work with a person who had a drug addiction, and nearly three-quarters thought employers had a right to deny jobs to those who have a drug addiction. Celebrity deaths may help us to better understand addictions, and heighten our empathy for those suffering from them.article continues after advertisement
The deaths of public figures also may be the first time we hear of a particular disease, or learn new things about a disease’s course and cause. While deaths from lung cancer historically have garnered little sympathy because observers may believe that many smokers “cause” their own death, some high-visibility deaths have shown us the randomness and cruelty of cancer. Dana Reeve, the young widow of actor Christopher Reeve, died of lung cancer despite never having smoked. Beastie Boy Adam Yauch followed a vegan diet yet succumbed to cancer at age 47. Although maintaining a healthy lifestyle can dramatically reduce our risks of cancer, diabetes, and other life-threatening diseases, there’s still a large random element that we just need to accept.
2. Our feelings can provide clues as to what’s missing from our lives.
Very few of us kept company with David Bowie, Whitney Houston, or Glenn Frey. But news of their deaths may transport us back to a place and time when their music was a source of comfort or affirmation. Scientists have documented that music triggers brain activity associated with memory. When artists with decades-long careers like Bowie, Houston, or Michael Jackson die, they take a little piece of our pasts with them. Hearing “Let’s Dance” or “Thriller” may take us back to a high-school party, a first date, or a college dorm room—a time and place before the pressures of work, marriage, kids, and bills dampened our youthful optimism.
These moments of bittersweet nostalgia can be opportunities to assess what’s working in our lives. A brief musical trip back to our adolescent or young-adult years may help us to figure out what we wanted for our lives when we were young, what we’ve achieved, and which dreams we’ve given up on. These thought exercises may help us identify what’s important to us, and figure out ways to reintroduce some long-lost passions, goals, and dreams into our adult lives.
3. Collective mourning connects us to a larger community.
Collective mourning, such as attending a candlelight vigil, or weighing in on a friend’s heartbroken Facebook commentary about Alan Rickman’s touching portrayals, helps connect us to others in meaningful ways. Discovering a shared fondness for a particular film or song brings us closer to others, because our cultural tastes often reflect our values and worldviews. Collective mourning reminds us that we’re part of a particular generation, whether Baby Boomers, Gen X, or Millennials, and helps us to celebrate the cultural touchstones that define us.article continues after advertisement
Very few of us take the time to ponder or discuss profound issues like, What is a life well-lived? What imprint do we want to leave on the world? What do you fear most about your own death? When so many Americans lead busy lives with precious little time for personal connection or conversations about meaningful issues, the exchanges (even if brief) triggered by celebrity deaths might help people realize that they’re a part of something bigger and more profound than themselves.
Most important, celebrity deaths teach us that everyone will die someday, and neither fame nor wealth nor talent shields us from that inevitability. Ideally, that recognition of life’s finiteness will help us to pursue healthy, mindful lives, and appreciate what we have before it’s gone.
K O B E
he was the Mamba
and brought to us
among so many other things
MAMBA MENTALITY
it’s a term that Kobe coined to
describe the level of intense focus
and relentless approach
he took both in
preparation and competition. . .
Kobe said after his last game in 2016:
“I always wanted to be remembered as a ‘talented overachiever,” I had the talent but I WORKED AS IF I HAD NONE.”
and then more universally:
“The most important thing is to try and inspire people so that they can be great at whatever they want to do.”
I’ve told thousands of people
hundreds of times over
during my presentations,
“I know, I know that I know, I’d bet my very life that I know that one day I will die, but for the life of me, I don’t act like I know it; in fact, I’d be the most shocked person in the world if it was TODAY or if this was the last blog post I would ever write because I died. . . .”
B U T
it will happen
and grieving
will result. . .
It’s days like
Sunday, January 26, 2020
where a helicopter crash took the lives of nine people
two of them
Kobe Bryant and his daughter, Gianna
. . .on days like these we will remember
that we will all say
GOODBYE
to this place one day;
that the book of our life
will all be interrupted
and that we too will be
m e m o r i e s. . .
On days like these
we feel fragile
and yet
C O N N E C T E D
On days like these
we realize that our heroes are all mortal
and that our time is
so very short
and that our days
are numbered
and guaranteed:
THE NUMBER
is never high
e n o u g h
The Message:
L I V E
f u l l y
(and the endlessly will take care of itself)
You can learn a lot at the
Service Station. . .
I know because I used to work at one
~~ oh, that was years ago
and things have changed a whole lot
d i f f e r e n t l y. . .
Of course, back then
A Service Station
meant that you went out and pumped somebody’s gas
checked their oil
made sure their tire pressure was correct
A L L
while you actually wiped their windshield,
took their money,
made change
always gave small talk
and did it all with a smile. . .
even in the coldest parts of winter
the hottest parts of summer
Now. . .
well now,
it’s all
do it yourself,
but if you’re like me. . .
sometimes self
can’t do it
especially when it is
m y s e l f. . .
I heard something scraping underneath of the car and of course I took it to the service station and Mark, the mechanic said he’d give me a call when he go to the bottom of the problem; sure enough, within an hour, Mark called and let me know that what had been dragging on the ground was just an unnecessary plastic shield underneath of the car that had come untacted and he fixed it.
N O W
here’s where it gets interesting. . .
When people ask me, “Hey, where do you come up for your blog posts or your sermons, your in-the-process-self-published books, or your presentation ideas,” and I tell them that they’re everywhere, the IDEAS are more rampant than an abundance unmanaged germs; in fact, my biggest problem is never on my what I’m going to say, or write or do so much as what am I going to leave out and not say or do because they are just that multiple. . .
And here was one served up for me . . .
when I walked back into the
Service Station
to pick up my car
I had to wait to check out while Mark the Mechanic was on the phone
and it was
t h e r e
that I overheard a conversation. . .
It was taking place between two people about
predestination. . .
The gentleman said, “I believe that everything was predestined from the beginning and that everything that happens to us is destined and we have absolutely no control over anything.”
I don’t know if it was his wife
but the lady replied back in an agitated tone,
“That is absurd. I can’t believe that any intelligent person could actually think that we have no control over anything, let alone our own fate and destiny.”
This went back-and-forth for a little bit until she slammed the door shut with one simple question:
“If you believe that everything is destined and has been predetermined; that there is no choice on your part, then why did you look both ways before you crossed the street on our way over here after breakfast?”
I found out that day
what I learned a long time ago:
you can learn a lot at a service station
especially when you go there
because you can’t do
(s e r v i c e)
things yourself. . .
When’s the last time you met a person. . .
I mean a brand new person in your life,
you’ve never previously have heard of or met. . . ?
How were you introduced
or did you put your hand out first and say your name
with your title or some other way that identifies you. . . ?
DARE YOU
try to connect
or be connected in
A N O T H E R
w a y
Mingling at a work event inevitably means being asked the question “What do you do?” over and over again. After years of repetition and conditioning, most of us respond with “I’m job title X at company Y.” And while this is the answer people expect, it’s also likely to linger in your new acquaintance’s mind only until it’s replaced by what the next person says to them.
“Answering with your title and company is the cultural norm. But when you do, you’re missing out on an opportunity for the other person to know who you actually are. You are not just your job,” says Joanna Bloor, CEO of Amplify Labs. She specializes in helping people discover and articulate what makes them distinctive so that they can form deeper connections with others.
And it all starts with how you introduce yourself.
Bloor’s own answer demonstrates the power of an original response. If she answers “I’m CEO of Amplify Labs,” her questioner will probably go on to ask about what it’s like to be a CEO or what is Amplify Labs. But those lines of conversation don’t really allow a person to really know Bloor. So, when she’s asked “What do you do?”, she replies: “Do you like your own answer to the question ‘What do you do?’?” People invariably admit they don’t. She then says, “I know — everyone struggles with it, yet the answer can have massive impact. I work with people on crafting an answer that is bold, compelling, authentic and unique. I help you tell people why you’re awesome.”
Introducing yourself this way isn’t just about standing out in a crowded room or cutting through extraneous jargon and chitchat. By naming your special sauce upfront, says Bloor, you’re increasing the chances that the other person will bring up an opportunity, relationship, business or idea that could help you. As Bloor puts it, “When you get your introduction right, the opportunity is not only to genuinely connect with people, but you’ll also be allowed to do the work you really want to do.”
Be warned: crafting your intro takes a bit of time and effort. But as the world of work continues to change in ways we can’t anticipate, knowing what sets you apart from the pack is crucial. Here, Bloor tell us how you can come up with your new response to “What do you do?”
The first thing you need to do is figure out who you actually are. Bloor asks her clients, “What is it you would like to be known for?” It’s an uncomfortable question, but she finds it jolts people out of their comfort zones. Rather than relying on previous accomplishments, you’re forced to consider what you’d like your impact to be.
Bloor used this tactic on me. My typical response to “What do you do?” is “I’m a journalist and playwright.” But after she asked me what I loved about these professions and what I hoped to accomplish through them, she helped me craft a much deeper and more compelling response: “The world can be an overwhelming place, so I help people connect to each other by telling stories as a journalist as a playwright.”
Bloor believes that everyone, no matter their job or industry, is essentially a problem solver. So when she interviews people to help them discover their unique story, she’s also trying to find out the problems they’re particularly good at solving.
Use this tactic on yourself. What problems do you solve at work? And what makes you especially effective at doing so? Framing yourself as a problem-solver may trigger an instant reaction when you meet someone new. “I have that problem, too!” they could say. Figure out how to deliver your capabilities in a single sentence. For example, instead of saying “I’m a lawyer who specializes in X type of law,” you could say, “I think the biggest problem about the justice system is A. As an attorney who focuses on B, I’m helping find solutions through doing C.”
It’s often hard for people to see their own skills. “The thing you are fantastic at can be as natural to you as breathing, so you don’t value it,” says Bloor. If you’re having a difficult time identifying your talents, she suggests you turn to the people who know you well and ask them “What is it you see that I do well and that I’m unaware is really special?” You’ll generally find common themes or language in their responses, says Bloor, even if they’re people from different parts of your life.
Still stumped? Step into a time machine, and think back to your eight-year-old self. What were you great at during that age? According to Bloor, that special skill can often apply to your present and future selves and help you see how you’re different from everyone else. For example, when Bloor was eight, she had a great sense of direction and easily memorized routes while hiking with her father. That skill translated into her previous career of building software for companies — she could visualize 3D maps of software architecture.
Finding people that we connect with can be elusive, especially at work-related events. “I think a lot of the angst in the workplace and angst with each other is because we don’t talk about who we really are as people,” says Bloor. So, take a chance, open up in your opening remarks, and reveal something honest about yourself. Use phrases, such as “I’m really passionate about X” or “What excites me most about what I do is Y,” which can communicate your emotion and enthusiasm and prime others to respond in kind.
After you’ve crafted your opener, practice it on five people you know well. Then, a few days later, ask them ‘What do you remember most about my intro?” Their few-days-later response will tell you what is most memorable about your opener, what you could alter, and what you might try to lean into when meeting new people.
When you first start trying out a new way of introducing yourself, you’ll probably feel nervous. Bloor suggests prefacing it with, “I’ve just learned a new way of introducing myself and I’m experimenting with it. Can I try it out on you?” People love to be asked for their advice or input.
The truth is, it will always be easier to say the stilted “I’m job X at company Y,” stumble through small talk, and then move on to the next person and glass of wine. In addition, when you give a nontraditional introduction, you will inevitably run into some staid folks who don’t get it.
But Bloor urges people to persist. She recently coached a woman named Rumi, whose standard intro was “I’m a copywriter.” After the two women worked together, Rumi realized what her secret strength is: her ability to be the other person in her writing. What’s more, the process of crafting a new opener made Rumi realize that “the part of me that I am ashamed of — being the perpetual outsider — is the very place from which my bulletproof power springs forth.”
Like Rumi, you may find that coming up with an authentic, personal introduction leads to deeper revelations in your life. “We all want to learn and figure out why we matter on this planet and in this life,” says Bloor. “And it can start with being able to answer the question ‘What do you do?’ better.”
F I N D
A new and exciting way to share
Y O U
“ Hope”
It hovers in dark corners
before the lights are turned on,
it shakes sleep from its eyes
and drops from mushroom gills,
it explodes in the starry heads
of dandelions turned sages,
it sticks to the wings of green angels
that sail from the tops of maples.
It sprouts in each occluded eye
of the many-eyed potato,
it lives in each earthworm segment
surviving cruelty,
it is the motion that runs
from the eyes to the tail of a dog,
it is the mouth that inflates the lungs
of the child that has just been born.
It is the singular gift
we cannot destroy in ourselves,
the argument that refutes death,
the genius that invents the future,
all we know of God.
It is the serum which makes us swear
not to betray one another;
it is in this poem, trying to speak.
“Hope” by Lisel Mueller from Alive Together. © Louisiana State University Press, 1996.
I learned early on
that the vulnerability of
putting words on a page
. . .even if that page
is crumbled
is unlined
is torn
is just-in-time-saved
from the bottom of a dirty waste paper can
is not just merely
p o e t r y
but . .
H O P E
at its best
. . .even if it’s just because of the vast amount of critics
WE ARE ALL POETS
No blank page is ever really needed
to write a poem
. . .P O E T R Y
begats
P O E T R Y
. . .hence:
A Voice
not heard
A Scent
not smelled
A Beauty
not seen
A Delicacy
not tasted
A Touch
not felt
An Intuition
not realized
And for all of the
jumbled
tumbled
tangled
N O T S
The holy common
Y E T
is
unexplainably still
e x p e r i e n c e d
h o p e
H O P E
. . .it is in the poem trying to speak