The Caring Catalyst

Who Cares - What Matters

The Power of Shhhhhh-ing

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It’s a fairly natural pose for me. . .
M E
in front of a group of people
T A L K I N G
SPEAKING
EXPOUNDING
PRESENTING
EXPRESSING
VOCALIZING
ESPOUSING
ARTICULATING
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. . .
going on and on and on
(EVEN IN MY SLEEP, Erin tells me)
but the other side of
THAT COIN
is Shhhhhh-ing
being quiet
shutting up
(not down)
L I S T E N I N G
so. . .
That’s exactly what I did,
I LISTENED
to a TED talk recently by
Julian Treasure

In his talk How to Speak so that People Want to Listen, Treasure shares why we too often fail to communicate in such a way that our peers want to listen to us.

He talks about the power of certain words and phrases and teaches us how we can ensure others carefully listen to us — not only when we are on a stage but also in meetings or private occasions.

“The human voice is the most powerful sound in the world.”

7 Deadly Sins of Speaking

According to Julian Treasure, there are seven deadly sins of speaking, which are mostly bad habits that harm our communication.

He emphasizes that his list is not exhaustive, yet most of us regularly come across or even make use of these sins ourselves.

  • Gossip. We all know people who love gossiping. And, we’ve all probably done it ourselves.
  • Judging. It’s tough to listen to somebody if you know they’ll be judging you as soon as they can.
  • Negativity. In his talk, Julian recalls a conversation with his mother. ‘My mother, in the last years of her life, became very negative, and it’s hard to listen. I remember one day, I said to her, “It’s October 1 today,” and she said, “I know, isn’t it dreadful?”’ Even though we all fall into negativity from time to time, listening to happy, cheering people is much easier than paying attention to negativity.
  • Complaining. Julian describes complaining as “viral misery”. Instead of spreading sunshine and positive vibes, people often find themselves in a doom-loop of complaints: The weather, sports, politics, there’s always something to complain about.
  • Excuses. We all know (or even have been) someone to pass the responsibility on to others. It’s not nice to listen to these people.
  • Lying. Embroidery and exaggeration can quickly turn to lies. And we don’t want to listen to people who are lying.
  • Dogmatism. Too many people tend to mix up facts with their opinions, and it’s hard to listen to someone who is sharing his idea as if it was the only truth.

These are the seven sins of speaking that Julian Treasure suggests avoiding in our talks and speeches and yes, to EACH OTHER! Even though we often use them without being fully aware, getting rid of them can have a tremendous impact on our communication and on how people listen to us.

How to Speak So That People Want to Listen

Besides what to avoid, Treasure also shares some golden nuggets on how to speak so that people want to listen to you.

It’s about what you say…

  • Honesty. Being true in what you say. Communicating clearly. We like to listen to people who honestly and openly share their stories and opinions. This makes it a whole lot easier to create a social bond and relate to each other.
  • Authenticity. Being yourself. “Standing in your own truth.” Too many people try to imitate someone else instead of simply being themselves. However, we usually prefer listening to those who are authentic and real instead of fake.
  • Integrity. Being true to your word. Doing what you say. Walk the talk, do what you preach. Only by doing so, you will gain trust and people will listen carefully.
  • Love. Wish people well. You can’t wish somebody well and simultaneously judge them. By wishing people well, you raise your vibration and spread joy instead of hate.

But also how you say it. . .

Besides what we say, also how we speak matters enormously.

  • Register. We can change our voice depending on where we speak from. You can speak from your nose or go down your throat, or even your chest. At each point, your voice sounds different. For example, we usually vote for politicians with a lower voice, as we subconsciously associate depth with power and authority.
  • Timbre. Timber defines how your voice feels. Research shows we prefer rich, smooth, warm voices. And even if you feel like that’s not your natural voice, there are great ways to improve it through exercises, such as breathing and improving your posture.
  • Prosody. Treasure describes prosody, similar to tonality and rhythm, as the vessel of meaning in any conversation. He shows how hard it is to listen to monotonous speeches and how varying pitch and sound can add excitement and depth to a speech.
  • Speed. We can become excited when we say something quickly, or we can slow down to emphasize a statement. Using a variation of speed can add power and trust to any speech or conversation.
  • Pauses. When holding a speech, but also during meaningful conversations, we try to avoid silence. Yet there’s nothing wrong with a little quiet — and, if applied correctly, it can add power and gravity to your sentences.
  • Volume. How loud or silent we say something, of course, also changes our message. Varying your volume will excite your listeners and make it easier to listen carefully.

Bottom Line

According to Treasure, we don’t speak very well to people who simply aren’t listening in an environment that’s all about noise and bad acoustics.

And at the end of his speech, he asks what the world would be like if we were speaking powerfully to people who were listening consciously in environments that fit our purpose.

Here’s his answer:

“That would be a world that does sound beautiful, and one where understanding would be the norm, and that is an idea worth spreading.”

Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
QUIET PLEASE
. . .let the Shhhhhhhhhhhh-ing begin

JUST L O V E

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Beautiful little clip, huh?

This little video  is a Erste Christmas Ad that came out the beginning of the month.       .       .

Who would think that a little story 
about a Hedgehog
could ever be a 
S     T     O     R     Y
about the power of 
l  o  v  e
of believing in yourself
and.        .        .
and the simple
good of others.          .          .

Maybe it’s just a little hint
a quick glance
that no matter how
i n s u r m o u n t a b l e
an obstacle 
may seem;
LOVE
WON’T
FIND
ITS 
WAY
( it is the WAY)

What’s the deal?
Love
isn’t a day
a season
an event.     .     .

It’s a Lifestyle

s     o

L           O         V         E

Just 

L          O          V          E

(and then love a little more)


Shhhhh…LISTEN

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It’s not just one of my favorite comedy movies.        .        .

It’s one of my favorite scenes in a comedy movie

and it lasts all but about 35 seconds;

but it’s a classic 35 seconds.     .     .

U N C L E       B U C K

Calling off work.         .         .again;

And even though

“The   Excuse”

is really legitimate

T H I S   T I M E,

he can’t get a word in to his girlfriend/boss;

Ever have a moment like this?

You try to explain.       .       .

but you are in no way getting heard,

or even having the chance to do so.       .        .

C  o  m  m  u  n  i  c  a  t  i  o  n

is such a huge part of what we do every day

and it is truly good question:

A M      I      B E I N G      H E A R D ?

A   better   question:

I S      W H A T      I ‘ M      N O T      S A Y I N G,      B E I N G      H E A R D ?

It’s one of my favorite presentations,

I’m giving it again this week to a group of Nurses, Social Workers, Care-Givers who are experts in this field

  .       .       .       or.        .         .  ?

It’s what we know,

what we know we know,

what we’d bet our lives that we know,

that often we don’t for the life of us,

act like we know at at all, isn’t it?

I will through film clips like,

Uncle Buck calling off work

and others that use how words

S       A       I       D

and  words

H        E        A        R        D

are not always the same kind of

W          O          R          D          S

at   all.

Through interactive exercises

and yes through some fairly embarrassing play-acting on my part,

we will be led  to look,

to  listen,

to  E X P E R I E N C E

this wonderful art of Communication

—-A G A I N !

We will be implored to be

A C T I V E    listeners.      .      .

H        E        A        R        E        R        S  

of what’s not being said but

desperately needing be heard.            .            .

What can’t be texted, Instagrammed,tweeted or face booked

spoken or heard

but despairingly needs to be understood

–now more than ever–

we are called to do

T        H        A        T.               .               .

with those we are meeting,

barely knowing or deeply,

sincerely intimate.       .       .

The most important step

is a willingness to

H     E     A     R,

to   L   I  S  T  E  N,

to   U N D E R S T A N D,

to connect in a way words

can never convey

but direly attempt to,

just the same.

That  W I L L I N G N E S S

doesn’t take

HOW-TO

so much as

WANT-TO

and it’s often exhausting and fruitless.     .     .

But, when there’s a

C  O  N  N  E  C  T  I  O  N,

an  U  N  D  E  R  S  T  A  N  D  I  N  G,

a   D  I  S  C  E  R  N  M  E  N  T  

far exceeding what

W           O           R           D           S

can  achieve,

well now–we’ve got

C  O  M  M  U  N  I  C  A  T  I  O  N,

Houston

and it,

I T    I S    G L O R I O U S,

and so very much worth it.     .     .

I don’t want you to Listen to me.        .        .

I want you to Hear me—–

Hear what my heart is shouting

and my mouth will never be able to whisper,

your ears will never hear,

your eyes–never read.     .     .

Shhhhhhhh.         .         .Listen,

Please.        .        .

Don’t      Uncle      Buck      me !

TWO POWERFUL WORDS

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This 2-Word Quote From Writer

Kurt Vonnegut

Will Change the Way You Work

(and the way Y O U   C A R E)

CREDIT: Getty Images

When it comes to insights about work, there are tweaks and there are game changers. Which isn’t to diminish tweaks. Sometimes, the perfect scheduling hack or productivity ritual can radically improve how much you get done.

But no hack or routine will change the fundamental way you view your work — how much satisfaction you get out of it, the way you see your work relating to the rest of your life, the terror you feel about your inadequacies. For that, only wisdom will do.

Helpfully, creativity site 99U recently dug out more than a half dozen gems of just this sort of wisdom, and what’s even better for the time pressed, one of the best of them is only two words long.

PRACTICE   BECOMING

It comes from celebrated author Kurt Vonnegut, who penned this succinct nugget of professional wisdom in response to a high school student who was given the assignment of writing his favorite author. Vonnegut’s kind reply included these two powerful words: practice becoming.

If the phrase doesn’t immediately strike you like a thunderclap that’s because Vonnegut’s advice might require a little more explanation. He tells his correspondent:

Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow.

Seriously! I mean starting right now, do art and do it for the rest of your lives. Draw a funny or nice picture of Ms. Lockwood, and give it to her. Dance home after school, and sing in the shower and on and on.

That sounds pleasant enough, but why is it so profound? Sure, Vonnegut’s advice jives with scientific research that shows exercising your creativity will make you happy even if you’re terrible at your chosen form of self-expression, but that’s far from the most powerful part of this dead simple but potentially life-changing message.

Like many wise thinkers, Vonnegut recognizes that “success,” if you view it as a single, final destination, will always be out of reach. There will always be someone you can compare yourself to and find yourself wanting. There will always be more to want and more to dream. Instead of working to reach some fixed goal (and planning on finally enjoying yourself then), enjoy the the process of working and living itself, the self-exploration and moment-by-moment accomplishment it gives you.

Or, in other words, you’re always going to be in the process of becoming who you want to be, so you may as well get good at becoming and learn to enjoy it. It’s a powerful message for our endlessly ambitious, angst-filled age.

Looking for more down-to-earth wisdom from Vonnegut? Here’s his letter in its entirety, including a fun “assignment” he gives the young man who reached out. You could give it a try yourself if you want to practice becoming yourself tonight.

EVEN THOUGH THIS WAS
Originally published at www.inc.com.       .       .

It might as well have been published in a most personal letter from Vonnegut to

Y          O          U

.          .          .especially when it comes to

YOU BECOMING

a better

C  A  R  I  N  G         C  A  T  A  L  Y  S  T

Wait.          .          .What?

Does CARING
          KINDNESS
          LOVE
          EMPATHY
          ACCEPTANCE

take
PRACTICE    BECOMING

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.          .          .

what say YOU?

It’s the only answer that matters.          .          .

Pssssssssssssssssst:

The answer takes

N O      P R A C T I C E

 

T H E Y

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THEY

say that it’s the most important thing in life.         .         .

T H E Y

say everyone needs to do it better.         .         .

T H E Y

say that men don’t do it as well as women.         .         .

T H E Y

say that kids nowadays never do it.         .         .

T H E Y

say that older adults have forgotten it’s lost art.         .         .

T H E Y

say that students have never really mastered it.         .         .

T H E Y

say that Spiritual people do it without making a sound.         .         .

T H E Y

say that Churches have stopped doing it.         .         .

T H E Y

say that NONES have begun doing it.         .         .

T H E Y

say true Artists do it on a whole different level.         .         .

T H E Y

say that Mathematicians and Scientists do it with symbols.         .         .

T H E Y

say that lovers do it in a Look.         .         .

T H E Y

say that musicians do it with notes.         .         .

T H E Y

SAY.         .         .

D  O      T   H   E   Y

L          I          S          T          E          N  ?

C   o   m   m   u   n   i   c   a   t   i   o   n

is   B O T H.           .           .

(o r       n e i t h e r)

Frontwards.          .          .

Backwards.          .          .

Sideways.            .           .

U p

D o w n.          .          .

and as much as you

S     P     E     A     K

or   merely

S          H          O          W

it.          .          .

you need to

H          E          A          R

and

S            E            E

i  t.          .          .

Going to HELL

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S   O   M   E   T   I   M   E   S

what we

T   H   I   N   K

and what we

K   N   O   W

are two different

U       N       I       V       E       R       S       E       S

that never really ever meet

on the obscure

C    O    N    T    I    N    E    N    T

of the not very often enough visited

 E      X      P      E      R      I      E      N      C     E

But what you know

what you know you know

what you’d bet your life

that you know.      .       .

we least

A       C       T

like we know

L    I    F    E

is often

a metaphor

a simile

but rarely a

R E A L I Z E D       R E A L I T Y

HOME

HEAVEN

HELL

are not PO BOX Addresses

or Destinations

.       .      .they’re not even

dreams

illusions

or realities

.          .          .they are our

c h o i c e s

choices      with      consequences

.        .       .s o.        .        .

G  O        T  O        H  E  L  L

you might be surprised by the trip

you might be surprised by the destination

you might be surprised by the

H E L L      O F      I T

When the Grass Fades

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https://youtu.be/27qSU2HDZjE

You want to know when the Grass fades the fastest. . .?

Whenever you try to compare

YOUR     GREEN

with

SOMEONE     ELSE’S     GREEN

We Want

We Wish

We Dream

We Scheme

We Hope

We Mope

We Covet

We Bargain

We Steal

sometimes what’s someone else’s and not ours

until we find what’s someone else’s is not ours

for reasons that can’t make any grass greener. . .

even with a bottomless bucket of green paint

and an endless supplies of paint brushes.

WE     K N O W

The grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence. . .

in fact, it often has much more manure

or unseen holes

that beg to find your not-so-sure-steps.

We KNOW IT. . .

WE KNOW THAT WE KNOW IT

in fact

WE BET OUR LIVES THAT WE KNOW IT

and for the very life of us

WE      ACT      LIKE      WE      DON’T    KNOW      IT

Pssssssssssssssst:

If the Shoe doesn’t fit.         .        .

don’t wear it

or be prepared

to walk

a lot differently

(unnecessarily)

When the Grass fades

(and it will)

be glad it’s  your  grass

to be on.         .         .

It’ll make all the Difference in your Yard

and Some One Else’s, too!

A Worthy Life

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What   makes   for   a

W    O    R    T    H    Y           L    I    F    E  ?

Love?

Care?

Compassion?

Hope?

Concern?

Consideration?

Kindness?

Gentleness?

Sympathy?

Empathy?

Generosity?

Understanding?

Acceptance?

Forgiveness?

What?

What makes for a

W O R T H Y     L I F E ?

How about none of the above?

All of the Love,

Care,

Compassion,

Hope,

Concern,

Consideration,

Kindness,

Sympathy,

Empathy,

Generosity,

Understanding,

Acceptance,

Forgiveness means

N   O   T   H   I   N   G.        .        .

If  it’s  N O T

Sustained.         .         .

We all have the capacity to be

G o o d     S a m a r i t a n s,

O N C E.        .        .

Seriously,

I’d rather not have your

Love,

Care,

Compassion,

Hope,

Concern,

Consideration,

Kindness,

Sympathy,

Empathy,

Generosity,

Understanding,

Acceptance,

Forgiveness—-

any  of  it—

or combinations of

it’s going to be an every-once-in-a-while,

when-I-feel-like-it kind of a thing

I’d rather you not get your

Compassion  ON

if you ever plan on taking it off.       .       .

SITUATIONAL      IS      NOT      A      STYLE.         .        .

It’s  a

L   I   F   E   S   T   Y   L   E !

What makes for a

WORTHY    LIFE ?

Funny that a foreign Life Insurance Commercial

has to make us even ask the question.        .        .

D      A      R      E      S

us to Answer it!

So.         .         .

A N S W E R       I T !

What makes for a

W O R T H Y      L I F E ?

S     I     M     P     L     E :

Make another’s  Life  Worthy,

more meaningful with you.        .      .

Because of you.        .        .

than ever without you,

for one reason

and one reason only:

So that Another might feel

W     O     R     T     H     Y

to make Another Feel

W O R T H Y,  too.

Imagine.       .       .

dare to ENVISION

the most powerful Universal Law of Physics

set into endless motion just by making

Y  O  U  R         A  C  T  I  O  N

causing a perpetual

R       E      A      C      T      I      O      N

that knows no boundaries.       .        .

BE   THE   RIPPLE   WHICH   NEVER   ENDS.        .        .

But don’t give your

O  N  C  E       I  N       A       W  H  I  L  E

when your

F     O     R     E     V     E     R

is desperately needed.       .       .

Why just Live.        .        .

when you can   L  I  V  E  

W      O      R      T      H      I      L      Y ?

Harmonics

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IMG_1968

It’s true.        .        .

I’m    a    One – Song – Musician

When it comes to the Harmonica the very first song I learned,

ended up literally being the last one:

O   L   D        S  U  S  A  N  N  A

I usually get lots of mileage out of that when I’m giving a Keynote Speech.

I relay it back to the strong fact that there’s not really much need for a

One-Song-Musician.

I mean, I can’t book a Concert Hall and play Old Susanna for a solid two-and-a-half hours to be followed by another fifteen minute encore, right?

The    point?

Just because we do

ONE   OUTSTANDING   DEED,

it doesn’t let us off the hook for never having to do another one–EVER!

As much as there just isn’t much need for a One-Song-Musician,

there’s not a whole lot of curtain calls for a

One-Deed-Good-Samaritan, either.

We are NOT  called to do good,

to be Compassionate,

Caring,

Understanding,

Accepting,

Forgiving,

just once or once in a while.       .       .

but   E V E R Y    T I M E

I had just given an early morning talk to an area Rotary Club

and actually began the talk without saying a word.   .   .

just pulling out my harmonica and playing my beloved,

O  N  E       S  O  N  G

I made my point.

I finished my talk to a standing ovation

(I knew I could play THAT song, but I had no idea it would cause such a powerful reaction)

and after staying around and talking with several people,

I made my way to the nearest STARBUCKS for my morning cup of coffee before during some patient visits,

a funeral

and another talk to end the day.

I  KID  YOU  NOT

while I was standing in line,

there was a guy who came into a now fairly crowded STARBUCKS to get his morning fix actually

playing   a   harmonica!

Everyone kind of stopped.    .    .

I mean texting, googling, face-booking, tweeting, talking–

and looked up as the guy get in line right beside me playing his bluesy song.

When he came up for a breath,

I told him that I too was a HARMONICIST

“Really,” he sounded surprised?

“Really, ” I echoed back,

“but  I’m  a  very  specialized  harmonicist.”

“Specialized?”

“Yes sir!  I know just one song, but I know it real, real, REAL good–Old Susanna!”

We both laughed.

I asked him what he liked playing the best and he answered me by playing some rag-tag-hot-bluesy-piece.

I told him

 T      H      A      T   

just earned him a free cup of coffee.

Now that our order was in, we went to the end of the other line to wait to our Fixes.

He told me that he played at as many amateur nights as he could find,

but often had to compete unfairly with guitarists.

Our orders now delivered,

I shook his hand,

thanked him for his mini-concert and wished him continued success and blessings in the present and future.

His last sentence to me was of pure music.     .     .

Grammy worthy:

“Thanks, my man.      .      .

I’m    just    a    song    looking    for    a    pair    of    ears!”

Ain’t   we   all?

Well,  worth a cup of coffee,  huh?

Who would have thought that I walked in thirsting for a Breve Venti Latte

and walked out with my latte,

a smile,

a story and a great memory that I,

that we,

are  m o r e, 

so very much more than meets the eye or the ear.

What a shame if it were just shared

 O    N    C    E !

B    E 

the song that needs heard,

sung,

danced,

remembered

–repeatedly–

often.       .       .

H      A      R      M      O      N      I      C      S

At     it’s     Best !

(and    o u r s)

 

Life ASSURANCE

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This week is a very Holy week in the Judeo-Christian population that spans the World.

It always brings to surface the most interesting questions and debates but it always focuses on doing for others what you would want done for you.        .        .

for being

K I N D;

We spend literal billions of dollars

INSURING LIFE

but easily go in the

RED

when it comes to

ASSURING LIFE.        .        .

What’s in it for you?

Is it just Dollars and Cents?

A nicer Home?
Better furnishings?
Higher Education?
Prestigious Job?
Comfy Bank Account?
Healthy Check-Up’s?

W H A T ?

I mean, can we actually LIVE

off a Feel-Good Emotions?

Will merely witnessing HAPPINESS

make you HAPPY?

Will reaching UNDERSTANDING

make you HAPPY?

Will feeling Love

guarantee what no money or vast amounts of it

BUY?

WHAT      IS      IT      YOU      DESIRE      MOST?

Sometimes.        .        .

It’s NOT the Ripple you cause,

but the one you

C  A  U  S  E       T  O       B  E        C  A  U  S  E  D

in others.         .         .

The one you might never know exists,

let alone ever having knowledge of I N D U C I N G.         .         .

Life INSURANCE

may never be used.        .        .

L  I  F  E       A  S  S  U  R  A  N  C  E

will never fail NOT being Utilized;

Hmmmmmmmmm of the Day:

LIFE ASSURANCE   is something we’ll all be able to CASH in on.      .      .

It’s what’ll make a Holy Week,

H       O       L       Y

even when it’s

N        O        T !

Now

THAT’S a POLICY

we all should invest in

L  A  S  T        W  E  E  K.          .          .

Professional Speaker, Author, Assurance Man